What the New Year Brings

Chapter 32-The First Time Kakashi Discovers He's A Father

The scenery is quickly changing. Trees are getting sparcer and further spread apart. River water that once roared and flowed in abundance has quieted down to nothing more than a harmless bubbling stream. Even the sun, once pleasant this cool January day, has now become a nuisance, bearing hotly down on us and forcing us to take layers of clothing off. The desert is coming and soon it will be too late. Once we hit sand, the horses will be sent back to the daimyo's castle and traded off for Wind Country camels, and no more horses means no more stable boy, and no more stable boy means...

"Sakura, are you alright? If the heat is getting to you we can stop."

"I'm fine, Kakashi. I'm just worried because we're running out of time."

"Do you want to speak to Hiraku again?"

"No, Shinri."

Kakashi raises his eyebrow at me.

"You've told him what it's like to fight for someone, Kakashi, now I need to tell him what it's like to be fought for."

"I see." Kakashi says, the look in his eye softening. "How can I help?"

"Is there a way you can get me alone with him?"

He's silent for a moment, contemplating. Then I see him smirk, or at least I assume he's smirking beneath his mask.

"What are you smirking at?"

"Damsel in distress."

"I am not!"

"No, Sakura. That's how we'll get you alone with Shinri so that you can talk to him. You need to play the damsel in distress."

"Kakashi, just because I'm a girl doesn't mean-"

"I know it's not the ideal way of doing it, Sakura, but it's the best I can do right now. Now do you want to talk to him or not?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then it's settled." Kakashi says, quickly scooping me up in his arms without warning.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I scream as he starts slowly walking towards the back of the convoy, carrying me in his arms bridal style.

We pass Naruto and I catch him looking at us startled and confused. I see him start to open his mouth, but Yamato quickly shakes his head at him. Remembering his "lesson" from earlier, Naruto promptly shuts his mouth and is rewarded with a "Good boy" by Yamato. The last I see of Naruto, he's silently smiling and looking quite pleased with himself.

I turn my attention back to Kakashi.

"You son of a-"

"Shinri-san! Can you give me a hand here?"

"Sure, Kakashi-san. What happened?" Shinri asks, quickly making his way over to us.

"It's Sakura, she's not feeling too well. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind riding with her on horseback for a bit. It's best to keep her off her feet and since I don't want her to suddenly feel woozy and fall off-"

"Oh, yes, of course!"

Wordlessly, I let the two men help me up on a horse with Shinri jumping up right behind me to take the reins.

"Thank you, Shinri-san."

"No problem, Kakashi-san." Shinri says with a friendly smile.

Timing it so that Shinri doesn't see, Kakashi gives me a wink, or what I assume to be a wink. Or maybe it was just a blink...The baka needs to just show his face in public so that I can stop "assuming"!

"You okay, Sakura-san?" Shinri asks gently, not giving me a chance to either glare or smile back at Kakashi. I hadn't really decided which he deserved more yet.

"I'm fine. I've just been feeling a little sick this morning."

Shinri says nothing and I'm beginning to wonder why when it dawns on me what I just said sounded like.

"Oh, no! Shinri, I'm not preg-"

But before I can finish, Hiraku approaches us on her own horse.

"Sakura-san, are you alright? I saw Kakashi-san carrying you in his arms."

"I'm fine. I'm just not feeling too good." I smile weakly at her, trying to play the part.

"Morning sickness." Shinri adds.

My eyes widen at the same time Hiraku's does, but for different reasons.

"Oh, Sakura-san, I had no idea! You should've never taken this mission in your condition! I'm sure the Hokage would've understood and sent somebody else. I'll talk to Mother and see if she'll let you ride in the carriage with her."

"Hiraku-hime, that's not necessary. I'm not-"

"Nonsense! I'll speak to her right now." Hiraku says with a warm, assuring smile.

"But-" I say helplessly, literally eating Hiraku's dust as she gallops away on her horse back towards the carriages.

"Great. Just great." I mutter.

"She's just looking out for you and your baby's well-being." Shinri says comfortingly.

"This is all his fault." I glare angrily at the back of a certain silver-haired shinobi.

"Hehe." Shinri laughs good-naturedly. "I'm sure it is."

"Shinri-san, that's not what I meant! I'm not pregnant!"

"But you said-"

"No, I didn't." I shake my head adamantly.

"Oh, Sakura-san, I'm so sorry! I thought-"

"I know. It's okay. Like I said, it's not your fault, it's his." I glare at the back of Kakashi's head once more.

Probably sensing the heat of my stare, Kakashi turns around to meet my gaze and gives me a happy eye crease and a salute.

I give him the evil eye.

His eye widens and he quickly turns around to face forward again.

"Better be afraid." I mutter under my breath.

"But, Sakura-san, if you're not pregnant why did you-"

"Because I told Kakashi I wanted to speak to you alone and this is the best he could come up with."

"Oh...You know, you could've just said you wanted to talk to me." Shinri smiles amicably at me.

"Really?"

"Well, yeah. Why not?"

Because I'm going to chew your ass out for not fighting for your girlfriend.

"Because you do know what I want to talk to you about, right?"

"Of course. Hiraku. Kakashi-san tried talking to me about her last night so I figured you'd be trying to do the same."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Would you leave me alone if I didn't let you say your peace?"

"No."

"And that would be why."

"It's just...I don't get it, Shinri-san. Do you love Hiraku-hime?"

"More than you'll ever know."

"Then why aren't you fighting for her?"

"Because she's promised herself to somebody else. She's not mine to fight for."

"She gave you her heart, the best part of her and the most important one, too. Seems to me that she is yours to fight for."

"I'm not a romantic, Sakura-san. Guys like me just don't end up with girls like Hiraku. They deserve someone better, so they end up with someone better."

"Or maybe you are the better man, but you just didn't get the girl because you never tried getting her, or in your case, keeping her in the first place."

"C'mon, Sakura-san. If a guy like me asked you to drop everything - your rich fiance, your chance for a better life, and your good reputation - for something as inconcrete as love, would you?"

"Yes."

"Really? Just like that?"

"Yes."

"Why am I having a hard time believing you?"

"Because as hard as it may be to believe, Shinri-san, not all girls are after a guy's money. There are more important things like-"

"Let me guess: Love."

"Geez, you make it sound like a dirty word."

"Like I told you, Sakura-san, I'm not a romantic."

"Well, as much as I am a romantic, I'm telling you that, realistically, not all women are gold diggers. Yes, money will always factor into a relationship because when does it ever not? But it's not the driving force behind pursuing a guy or letting a guy pursue us. It's-"

"Love?"

"Nope. Attraction."

"What?" Shinri asks taken aback.

"I'm just being honest, Shinri-san. When we meet a guy for the first time, we're not thinking 'Oh, I wonder how much money he has?' Well, some women do, but more often than not what we're really thinking is 'Hmm...his body looks good, but what about his face?'"

"What?!"

"Just being honest here."

"But that's what guys do!"

"Well, that's what girls do, too."

"But what happened to love being the driving force?!" Shinri asks still in shock.

"I'm getting to that, Shinri-san. I'm trying to lay out the whole process of how the female brain works here so be patient, shut up, and maybe you'll learn something. So like I was saying, first we see if we're attracted to the guy. If we are, then we see how easy he is to get along with. Is he easy to talk to? Does he like the same things? Can we have a good laugh with him? And if he passes that test, then we move on to the issue of 'love'."

"Wait a minute. So if you're not attracted to the guy, that's it? He has no chance in hell?"

"Well, not necessarily. We aren't shallow either. If a guy looks hot but is an absolute asshole, frankly he can go fuck himself, excuse my language. But if a guy looks like The King of Nerds, but treats us better than any jerk boyfriend we've ever had, makes us laugh, and makes us feel comfortable just being ourselves, then even The King of Nerds can win us over."

"You're kidding."

"Ever go someplace and wonder 'Why is a girl like her with a guy like him?'"

"Yes."

"And there you have it."

"Okay, my head is swimming here. So girls look for a guy they're attracted to and compatible with, but not necessarily the two together."

"Well, ideally we'd like both, but this isn't an ideal world so for the most part, yes."

"And then comes love."

"Yes."

"But what about love at first sight?"

"We can lust for someone at first sight, but love has deeper meaning and goes beyond mere attraction, thus the compatibility bit."

"So the key to love is compatibility?"

"Not necessarily."

"Oh, geez..."

"What can I say? Women are complex."

"No kidding."

"Just because we're compatible with a guy doesn't necessarily mean we'll fall head over heels in love with him."

"No, of course it doesn't."

"That just means we have to work out whether we love the guy or are in love with him."

"Sure, because anything other than that would be too easy."

"Are you mocking us?" I turn around and squint hard at Shinri.

"NO! Of course not! I'm just trying to understand."

"Okay..." I say still squinting at him. "Well, let me see if I can give you an example. See that spiky-haired blond all dressed in orange in front of us?"

"Yes."

"That's my friend Naruto."

"Fish cake? Who names their kid 'fish cake'?"

"If you knew how quirky Naruto is, trust me, the name fits. Anyway, I've known Naruto for a long time. He's the proverbial 'King of Nerds' we've been talking about. Well, he's not really a nerd, more of a moron, but that's beside the point. The point is, when I was younger I didn't give him the time of day because I wasn't attracted to him, but as the years passed, he sort of grew on me and now I can honestly say that I love him, would never want to see anything bad ever happen to him, and can't imagine living the rest of my life without him in it."

"Uh...does Kakashi-san know about this?"

"Of course he does. Everybody knows I love Naruto."

"And Kakashi-san is perfectly fine with that?"

"Well, yes. Naruto's got a girlfriend at home-"

"Oooh..."

"...But even if he didn't, Kakashi knows better than to feel threatened because-"

"I think I know where you're going with this. You love Naruto with all your heart, but you're just not in love with him the way you are with Kakashi-san."

"Exaaactly." I drawl out, nodding my head and smiling.

"But how can you even tell the difference between loving someone and being in love with them?"

"Simplest way? My heart. If I'm in love with a guy, he literally makes my heart beat faster. Whether I'm just getting ready to see him or simply in the same room with him. Never mind having him inches from me, 'accidentally' brushing my hand or my arm with his. Or better yet, putting his hand on my shoulder while telling me that everything will be okay."

Kakashi hesitantly turns around to meet my gaze, probably feeling the heat of my stare once more. This time when our eyes meet, I smile warmly back at him and he smiles warmly back at me before ducking his head down in embarrassment and facing forward again.

"...And it's not that I'm just attracted to him, or care deeply about him, or that he feels the same way about me. It's that my heart literally aches for him."

"That's your explanation to love? Heartaches?"

"I know it sounds corny, but yes, heartaches. I mean, if you want to think about it scientifically, it all has to do with signals from the brain and what it does to chemicals in the body and how the body reacts to all that, but Shinri-san, not everybody elicits that reaction in the first place. The heart is picky. And I say the heart, not the brain, because I never even considered Kakashi in the first place. My own brain couldn't wrap itself around the idea of being with someone so much older than myself and yet my heart acted on its own and made me fall in love with him anyway."

"So you're telling me that you have no control over who you fall in love with?"

"Well, you can't make someone fall in love with you and by the same principle, yes, you can't really control who you fall in love with either, no matter how right or wrong a relationship with that person may be."

"Sakura-san, I really appreciate your explaining love and the way girls think to me, but how exactly does this tie in to Hiraku and me?"

"Don't you see, Shinri-san? We girls go through hell and back just to figure out whether we're in love with a guy or not and Hiraku-hime is no exception. If anything, she probably went through double hell trying to figure out her feelings for you because of the whole 'stable boy, daimyo's daughter' thing. She knew it wouldn't be right to fall for you, yet she did anyway. And by simply giving you her heart, she risked more than most people usually do when they first enter into a relationship, and here you are not even bothering to fight for her. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to not just kick your ass right now?"

"I'm just looking out for the both of us. Is that so wrong?"

"Looking out for Hiraku-hime? No. Not putting up a fight for her? Yes."

"And what would that accomplish?"

"It would prove that you really care about her and would do anything for her."

"Of course I care about her! That's why I'm letting her go in the first place! So that she can go on living her life with her reputation intact, with a man who can provide for her better than I ever can!"

"It's not the same, Shinri-san, to be fought for and to be let go. Both may be difficult to do and done out of love, but to be fought for...It just brings your love for another person to a whole other level."

"If you think I don't care about Hiraku enough, or love her enough, then you're wrong!"

"I don't doubt your love for Hiraku-hime. That's not the issue. It's what you're willing to do for the person you love that's the issue."

"Sakura-san, I told you that I'm not a romantic-"

"Fine. Let's not talk about romantic love then. Let's talk about friendship instead then, shall we?"

"Sakura-san, what are you-"

"Uchiha Sasuke."

"Excuse me?"

"Does that name ring any bells for you?"

"Of course it does. Everyone knows who Uchiha Sasuke is. He's the one who defected from Konoha to join Orochimaru."

"Good. Then you'll know the weight and importance behind my words when I say that Kakashi, Naruto, and I used to be his old teammates."

"Oh my God. I didn't realize...I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay. It's not your fault. It's not anybodies fault, not even Sasuke's. More than anything, it's just a loss for both sides. But that's not the point I wanted to make. The point is that there were so many times when we could've just given up on him. All the times that we caught up to him and lost him again, we could've just said 'Forget him. He obviously doesn't want to have anything to do with us anymore,' but we didn't, we don't. Because we love him too much to just let him go. So we keep fighting for him whether he knows it or not, whether he sees that or not. Whether he loves us back or-"

"Sakura-san. Are you okay?" Shinri asks, putting a comforting hand on my back.

"I'm fine." I sob, trying to pull myself back together. "The point is, Shinri-san, when you love someone, when you really love someone, you don't just give up on that person. What kind of friend would you be if you did?"

"Sakura-san, you do realize that you're asking me to go up against the daimyo himself!"

"Yes, well, Kakashi went up against the hokage herself."

"Why would he-"

"Because of me. She wouldn't approve of us because there are so many reasons not to approve of us, but you know what? Kakashi stood up to her anyway. And if you knew Kakashi, you'd know it's against his nature to do something like that. He only gets like that when we're in danger and he's serious. And he was serious. I was shocked, not only because of the way he acted, but because what he did showed how much he cared for me and the lengths he'd go to for me. With so much against a relationship like ours, he could've easily just let me go, but he didn't. He fought for me instead. Do you have any idea how validating that is for me? For our relationship?"

"But Sakura-san, I'm not a fighter like you and Kakashi-san. I'm a stable boy. I prefer to lay low and not cause trouble. What you're asking me to do-"

"Is not impossible. Hard as hell and probably messy as hell, too, but not impossible. If you need backup, don't worry, Kakashi and I will definitely back-"

"Sakura-san!" Hiraku yells breathlessly from her horse. "I just spoke to Mother and she said of course you can ride in the carriage with her! If anything, she's upset you didn't say something earlier, so come on!" Hiraku says brightly, waving at Shinri and me, indicating that we should follow her on our own horse.

"But Hiraku, Sakura-san's not-"

I quickly cover Shinri's mouth with my hand.

"What are you doing?" Shinri asks confused after I finally let him go.

"Shh! I think I just found my free ticket to backing you up!"

At that moment, the convoy slows to a stop, the royal carriage door swings open, and I see Madam Shijimi's round, overly made up face smiling maternally at me. As Shinri and Hiraku help me off the horse and up the carriage steps, Madam Shijimi, with all the loudness her vocal chords can muster, yells at me:

"Sakura-san, my sweet girl! Why didn't you say you were with child, you poor child?!"

My eyes widen and as she's pulling me into the carriage with her, all the while still reprimanding me for not being more careful about my fake pregnancy, I catch from the window of the carriage's closing door Kakashi, Yamato, and Naruto looking at me with their own eyes wide and mouths dropped open in shock. Well, I can only assume that Kakashi has his mouth dropped open. Seriously. He really just needs to show his face in public so that I can stop assuming!

I start to open my mouth, wanting so badly to explain myself, but I know that I can't. Not if I want to do as I promised and back Shinri up. So I close my mouth back up and try to block out the sound of Madam Shijimi's insistent rant about motherhood starting right when you first discover you're pregnant.

The carriage starts rocking as it and the convoy starts moving again. Meanwhile, just outside the carriage I hear:

"You got her pregnant?! You got Sakura-chan pregnant?! I'll kill you, you perv!"

"I'm a father? But we were so careful!"

"You got Sakura-chan pregnant and you didn't even know you got her pregnant?! You're so dead, Kakashi-sensei!"

And to make things worse, apparently I'm not the only one to have heard them.

"Your boyfriend didn't know?!" Madam Shijimi asks in shock.

"This is all his fault." I say covering my face with my hands in hopelessness.

Misunderstanding my words, Madam Shijimi starts rubbing the back of my bent over form in comforting circles.

"Shh, shh...Don't worry, sweetheart. It's not the end of the world. You'll get through this. I promise."

If only.

To be continued...