Almost Sucks

Almost Sucks
by Mashiro

Naruto fandom, series, no spoilers
AU, BOYS LOVE: Naruto x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Lee x Gaara

first version: August 5th 2006, Saturday
second version: September 26th 2008, Friday

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DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the rights to the Naruto series or characters and I make no money writing this. I’m just a fan. This is fan fiction.

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32: Close enough

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The bed was too hot and there wasn’t enough space. Naruto frowned and grumbled, annoyed. His bed was bigger than this, wasn’t it? He’d never had any trouble with the bed being too small, except that time when Lee stayed the night after he and Gaara had had a fight. It had been hot and un-spacey that time. Even the way Naruto’s leg was entangled with something hard, but still soft, and drenched in sweat reminded of that time. In fact, it was just like it. Had Lee and Gaara had another fight while Naruto was asleep?

Naruto was just about to grumble louder and push that hard, soft, wet thing away from him, when his brain caught up with him and he remembered. Sasuke. The remembrance was so sudden and so overwhelming that Naruto actually flinched as his eyes flew open. He forgot about the too hot and not enough space. Because Sasuke was really there.

Naruto saw a pale back and a mop of black hair, shoulders and arms disappeared off under the comforter. His comforter. That in itself was an exhilarating thought. That and Naruto remembering that Sasuke was very naked under those layers of fabric; that they were both very naked, together, in the same bed, under the same comforter. Warm lightning bolts seemed to sprint through Naruto’s body and he had to close his eyes for a moment.

When he opened his eyes again, Naruto saw a small mark in the middle of Sasuke’s back, and it felt strangely familiar. He realized it was the wound from the first time they were together in this room, when Sasuke fell on Naruto’s robot, the now deceased (or murdered rather) Vulpes Automaton 3000, Space Mission version. Naruto had loved that robot but seeing the mark on Sasuke’s beautiful field of skin he was sort of glad it was dead. It wasn’t a big mark, had probably just bled for a moment, but it was a wound and Naruto would not have it.

Though, if he was so upset about that little tiny mark, he really should be more upset with the other, much bigger blemish on Sasuke’s skin. The bruise. A big one. Very blue. Must have been Lee’s doing. But wasn’t it cowardly and unfair to hit people in the back? Naruto was confused. And strangely he wasn’t upset. Besides confused about how it had ended up there, he was fascinated; by the way it contrasted against the pale skin, by the color of it.

He wondered how tender it was; if he had touched it last night and if it had hurt. It must have hurt if he had touched it, at least a little. Even if Naruto didn’t bruise very easily, he had had bruises before. They had been much smaller than this one and they had hurt when touched.

Then Naruto realized another thing and wanted to hit himself for wasting time just staring at bruises and old robot-wounds. He grinned, felt like a pervert but really couldn’t help it, and inched himself closer. His leg had managed to get itself entangled between Sasuke’s, that was why it was so hot and sticky. He hooked the knee onto Sasuke’s lower leg and pulled himself even closer. Sasuke moved, an ‘I’m not awake yet and confused’ kind of movement and grumbled a confused, soft moan that Naruto found erotic. When he came close enough, Naruto wrapped his arms around the body as well. Inched one arm under Sasuke’s waist and slipped one between the Sasuke’s side and his arm. Then Naruto pulled and erased the last bit of distance between them, burrowing his face in the piece of silky throat under Sasuke’s ear.

One of Sasuke’s arms, the one on top, flew up as if on reflex and the fingers slapped Naruto’s head. The leg that Naruto’s leg didn’t hold onto shifted and the trapped one made an effort. Naruto had to close his eyes again as the boyfriend rubbed against his crotch. He hadn’t planned for it to be a dirty morning hug, but a little more shifting around like that and it would turn into one.

“I’m up,” Sasuke mumbled into one of Naruto’s pillows. “Go away.”

It might have been offending if he hadn’t sounded so asleep. Naruto hid his giggle in the skin of Sasuke’s throat.

“You’re not up,” he protested softly.

Sasuke grumble moaned something, or maybe nothing. A moment passed, then he suddenly flinched violently and tensed. Naruto frowned and peered over the naked shoulder but Sasuke’s eyes were hidden by his hair.

“Sasuke?”

“Naruto?” Sasuke sounded a bit like he was confused, a bit like he was still asleep and a bit like he was desperate.

“Yeah,” Naruto said. “Did I wake you up?”

At that Sasuke sighed and squirmed, trying half-heartedly to get away from Naruto’s hug. But it would take more than half-hearted protests so Naruto didn’t let him go.

“Yeah!” Sasuke exclaimed, like a tired, frustrated ‘duh!’ “What the hell are you doing? I was sleeping!”

He had turned his head around and looked over his shoulder now. Their eyes met. Sasuke sounded more frustrated than he looked; he was blushing. Maybe it felt good, being held like this. Sasuke was just the type to say ‘what the hell are you doing?’ when he liked something you did.

“I just wanted to hug you,” Naruto said and cuddled closer. “I wasn’t going to wake you. Sorry.”

“Well, you did,” Sasuke grumbled and tossed his head to get the hair out of his eyes.

“I said I was sorry.”

Sasuke sighed but stopped squirming. Naruto couldn’t remember a better morning than this one. He shifted his leg a little further in between Sasuke’s and the show on Sasuke’s face was a mix of a throaty moan of ‘that’s nice...’, a whiny ‘it’s too early...’ and a fierce ‘stop that!’ glare. His cheeks turned even redder.

“Good morning,” Naruto grinned. He was so evil.

“W-would you stop that?” Sasuke asked and pulled at Naruto’s wrists, but Naruto kept his arms where they should be.

“I’m just hugging you,” Naruto pouted and faked innocence. “I already woke you up, so... I just wanna hold you, you smell nice.”

Sasuke sighed again and relaxed again. Naruto squeezed his eyes shut from happiness. He was alive, he was here, Sasuke was here.

“What time is it?” Sasuke asked.

“Dunno,” Naruto mumbled. “Early. Too early to get up if you’re trying to use that as an excuse to get away from my hug.”

Sasuke was still for a moment. Then he sighed and his hands pulled at Naruto’s arms again.

“Could...? Could I at least... turn around? This is a bit...”

“Why?” Naruto whined against the skin. “This is nice.”

“You’re hard and you’re humping me.”

The sort of shy, ‘I’m looking for the right word to say this’ tone was gone. Sasuke’s voice meant business. Naruto frowned and it was only when he stopped moving that he realized that ‘yeah, that was what I was doing,’ and ‘yeah, I am.’ Yeah. That was embarrassing.

“Oh,” he said and it was his time to blush. He hadn’t meant to do that. How could he not have noticed? “Sorry.”

Naruto unhooked his leg and unwrapped his arms. Sasuke didn’t take the opportunity to flee from the bed however, he actually just turned around. His cheeks were still colored and Naruto suspected his own were too. Sasuke looked a mix of unsure and impatient, but more relaxed now that he was free.

“I guess I’m a pervert too,” Naruto mumbled. Just like Gaara and Lee.

“Don’t worry about it,” Sasuke muttered. “Everyone’s a pervert.”

He was blushing again and Naruto noticed he shifted his legs and glanced down quickly. A smile spread on Naruto’s lips and Sasuke blushed and shifted even more and grumbled.

“Shut up,” he grumbled.

“I’m not saying anything,” Naruto grinned.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, then he leaned in and kissed Naruto softly on the mouth. It was a surprisingly innocent, sweet kiss that seemed to fit more in a princess movie than in bed with two naked teenage guys with hard-ons. It stopped at that one kiss and they just lay close to each other. Naruto’s hands were back where they should be, around Sasuke’s waist. One of Sasuke’s hands stroke Naruto’s throat and the other rested on one of Naruto’s arms. They looked into each other’s eyes. Until Sasuke couldn’t anymore, until he shifted and looked away. For a moment it seemed like he would get up and go, but then he changed his mind and moved even closer. He hid his head under Naruto’s chin and nuzzled his face against Naruto’s throat. Naruto’s arms followed his movement and held him closer.

“This is so stupid,” Sasuke mumbled. “I feel so stupid.”

He sighed against Naruto’s skin, was quiet and still for a moment. Only breathed.

“It was never like this with Neji,” he said eventually.

Naruto’s jealous boyfriend gut instincts told him that Neji was that stupid older guy. So it hadn’t been stupid with Neji, huh? The happy perfect morning feeling was running off him.

“No,” Sasuke continued. “It was stupid.”

Confusion disrupted Naruto’s jealous frustration. It had been stupid?

“It was... I wasn’t like this.”

“So how were you?” Naruto sniffed.

“I don’t know,” Sasuke shifted. His voice was muffled. “It was just weird. Afterwards, we just... smoked and watched a movie and pretended it didn’t happen. We weren’t like this.”

“Well, sorry for not smoking or wanting to pretend it didn’t happen,” Naruto muttered. Part of him wanted to leave, to push Sasuke away; but a bigger part wanted to stay, so his grip on Sasuke didn’t soften. “Sorry this is so stupid.”

Sasuke pushed out of the embrace and despite wanting to stay more than leave Naruto let him. He was frowning.

“You’re jealous,” he sounded oddly surprised.

“Of course I am!” Naruto exclaimed, then he pouted. Sasuke was stupid. “You keep talking about your old boyfriend and how with him it wasn’t stupid and you were all together and smoking and cool when you had done it, and... and last night you didn’t even do me.”

He didn’t want to complain, he wasn’t complaining; the experience last night with Sasuke had been breathtaking, reason stealing. The ending had been unexpected and scary at first, but it had been okay. Sasuke wasn’t hurt, he was here and he was fine. It had been special, precious. Naruto was lucky, he was so lucky; he wasn’t complaining, he was just...

“I worried,” he mumbled. “A little, and it was lonely. You just passed out and it felt like I was alone. I know you probably just really liked it, but...”

Naruto had looked away, embarrassed that he had dragged up something that Sasuke had only done because he was sick. It wasn’t like he had passed out on purpose. But then he looked back again and found Sasuke stiff, pale as a sheet and wearing a look of absolute horror. Words and thoughts derailed and Naruto frowned in confusion and worry.

“What...?”

“No... N-nothing,” Sasuke stammered and paleness changed to a burning blush. “I just... I didn’t... I’m... sorry. I shouldn’t have... done that.”

“It’s not your fault,” Naruto said, a little surprised by how strongly Sasuke reacted. He had forgotten? Oh, yeah, he hadn’t remembered much that first time either. “You can’t help it, right? I’m sorry. I was just... I don’t like when you talk about him.”

Sasuke had his eyes closed as if trying to gather himself. There was a moment before he spoke and when he did it seemed a struggle.

“But... This is... You shouldn’t be jealous, this is... so different. Neji and I, we were just playing around, we tried to be serious but it was just... nothing. Not really. Don’t be jealous.”

“You said this was stupid,” Naruto muttered.

“I didn’t mean that,” Sasuke said. “No, I did, but... Not really, it’s...”

He sighed, a moment passed then he finally, really met Naruto’s eyes.

“I passed out?”

Naruto couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah.”

Sasuke groaned. Naruto cuddled closer and there was no struggle, Sasuke’s arms even came up to wrap around Naruto’s shoulders. A lot of things were unsaid but Naruto felt like maybe they didn’t need to spoken. Sasuke was shy; that he had let Naruto see this much of him was special, Naruto felt it in his bones. And he wasn’t really jealous of Neji. Sasuke had said that they had just been playing around. Naruto didn’t want something like that. He would rather have Sasuke unable to speak.

“Sorry,” Sasuke said.

“For saying it’s stupid?”

“For... passing out on you.”

“I told you that’s not your fault,” Naruto said.

“I could make it up to you,” Sasuke mumbled, and there was something in his voice that lit sparkles as it rolled down Naruto’s spine; it conjured a surge of nervousness and a tingle between his legs. They were naked. One of Sasuke’s hands was wandering. Naruto closed his eyes and swallowed.

“Oh?” he managed, then he jerked as the wandering hand reached its goal. He breathed through his nose and refused to open his eyes. Sasuke’s skin was suddenly sticky beneath his hands and he found his muscles tensing.

It was a soft, deliberately tentative and ticklish touch at first, running slowly along the length of him, as if searching for something. It was different when you didn’t do it yourself, when you weren’t the one setting the pace or the squeeze or the direction. Like touching, being touched was the same, but different. The skin against Naruto’s skin was not his own. The semi-hardness grew too painful in no time at all.

Knowing who it was that was doing it, that it was this beautiful, shy, amazing guy who just months earlier had been unfriendly, snarling, insulting and violent, made the whole thing rise even higher. This was Sasuke. Wow. Who would have thought the second time they met by the bus on the street and Naruto was told to stay the hell away? Naruto had known they would get here eventually, but in less than twenty years?

Naruto breathed a shaky sigh against Sasuke’s neck. He was moving with the rhythm, just couldn’t be still. When the hand disappeared the loss was so alarming that he might just as well have lost an arm.

“Hey!” Naruto whined; made a grab for Sasuke’s hand and put it back where it should be. Sasuke snickered, his mouth close to Naruto’s ear.

“It’s getting hard,” he whispered and Naruto knew he was smiling. “It’s so cool.”

“Come on...” Naruto groaned in frustration, the rebellious hand just refusing to cooperate and the other fending off Naruto’s attempts to make it.

“Don’t you think it’s cool?”

“That’s not fair, I didn’t tease you...”

“You’re such a baby,” Sasuke smiled.

But his voice was gentle and the hand wrapped around Naruto for real this time and started moving as it should. The short trip back to a frustrating reality had cleared Naruto’s head enough that he could send his own hands wandering, trailing along Sasuke’s sides and along his hips, then down between his legs, touching Sasuke as he was being touched. It was hard to focus but he did his best; right up until the end when it really was impossible to do anything but feel the toe curling surge of pleasure.forbarely noticed Sasuke’s hand wrapping around Naruto’s hand and doing the last bit of work on himself, but for the second time Sasuke's pleasure trickled between Naruto’s fingers.

Fortunately Sasuke didn’t pass out this time. Fortunate, because the room was getting brighter and the morning less super early and it was a school day today; and because they could sneak off into the bathroom together and wash off. Leaving his room and hurrying practically naked (they had wrapped the soiled-last-night sheets around themselves) down the hall also reminded Naruto of Iruka and for a second his heart almost stopped. Sasuke raised an eyebrow and said ‘already?’, claiming he had been thinking about that since Naruto started humping him. ‘Hugging,’ Naruto had corrected and blushed, understanding Sasuke’s reluctance. They had almost had an argument about why Sasuke hadn’t said anything and how he could have forgotten, but it was paled and vanished when Naruto, with a horrified gasp, remembered that they were supposed to have been at Sasuke’s house. ‘He must have seen us naked!’ Naruto had hissed, since his room must have been the first place Iruka would go to look for him.

When they came back to Naruto’s room Sasuke said he needed to get home. He wanted a shower before school and he had to get his things. Naruto realized they had actually really spent this night together. That was special. It felt special.

He remembered the sleepover they’d had months earlier, when Sasuke had kissed Naruto to chase him off and Naruto had kissed Sasuke in his sleep, and he found that that must have been when things started to change. They had been changing all the time, but... Before that weekend, Naruto had had his life planned out. Over a period of as many as fifty years he was going to make friends with Sasuke, become his boyfriend and in the end marry him. Sasuke had been so stubborn and so frustrating that it hadn’t felt like that many years, not for such a task. Naruto had been impatient but known that some things take time.

But that weekend and that sleepover had changed things. Sasuke hadn’t acted like Naruto had thought he would act and things had been thrown around so much that Naruto didn’t know what was up and what was down, or so it had felt. He’d been worried, frustrated, confused and angry. He had also been happy, encouraged, even more in love and in heaven when thinking of those kisses. And then things had gotten better. They had gotten closer and friendlier and years of waiting had turned to just months. Naruto didn’t even know how. He tried to think back on what had happened and what he had done and what Sasuke had done that landed them here and he found that he couldn’t say. It was like life had just sorted things out for him, for them.

When they were dressed again, Naruto walked Sasuke to the door; or tiptoed, rather, because he worried about Iruka. It smelled early morning when Sasuke opened the door and stepped out on the porch. It was warm for the season, and fresh and moist; Naruto was sure there was dew in the grass. The clouds in the sky were pink and the roof tops were painted in light from the sun rising somewhere on some horizon they couldn’t see.

Sasuke lingered. He shifted his feet and glanced around.

“They know now,” he mumbled and looked toward his house. “Kakashi will guess, he’s such a pervert, and if Iruka-san checked your room...”

“Yeah,” Naruto said and chewed the inside of his cheek. The wrinkles on Sasuke’s forehead said he wasn’t at all thrilled about the thought of their parents knowing about them. It made Naruto nervous too, having to explain to Iruka later, but... He shrugged.

“But I don’t care,” he said.

Sasuke looked surprised. Naruto grabbed the sides of his head and kissed him; a long, hard kiss with no tongue involved and Sasuke gave a moan somewhere in the middle. Then Naruto pulled back and pushed his forehead to Sasuke’s, looked into his dark eyes.

“I don’t care,” he repeated.

Sasuke licked his lips. His eyes stayed locked on to Naruto’s for what seemed like a long time. Then he closed them and when he opened them again, he looked different. Relieved.

“I don’t care either,” he said.

After that Sasuke left and Naruto watched his back until he disappeared behind the front door to his house. He didn’t turn around or stop to look back anywhere on the way and it made Naruto smile because it meant he was alright. Naruto closed the door behind him and gave a sigh of happiness. Life was good. Really, definitely good. He squeezed his eyes shut and his smile grew so big that his face hurt.

Then a voice came from the kitchen that made his insides freeze and his heart stop.

“So you don’t care?”

When his heart started beating again it was racing and it took a long time before he had gathered himself enough to slowly walk. He found Iruka at the kitchen table with his back against the doorway.

“Iruka?”

“You don’t care,” Iruka said. His voice was hoarse and he sniffled, but his tone was cold. He wasn’t happy.

Naruto thought about things for a moment, even though he knew it would make no difference. He straightened his back and stepped over the threshold, onto the kitchen floor boards.

“No,” he said, and the determination in his voice was so strong that it felt weird. “I don’t care that you know.”

“I don’t mean what we know!” Iruka yelled, stood up and turned around in heartbeat. He looked like he had cried not long ago but there was no trace of sadness now. “You don’t care about what you do! You don’t care about what this would mean!”

“I don’t care about what you think, because this has nothing to do with you!” Naruto yelled back. “I love him! I’ve loved him since the first time I saw him!”

Iruka was furious; his teeth gritted and his fists clenched hard.

“You don’t love him. You’re in love with him, and there’s a big difference.”

“I love him!” Naruto yelled.

“What about my love?” Iruka wanted to know. “What about Kakashi and me?”

It was the first time Naruto had heard Iruka talk about Sasuke’s foster father and love, but he wasn’t surprised at all. He had sensed it, he supposed, in the way they acted around each other. He wasn’t an idiot.

“What about you!?” he yelled. “You never even told me you were dating!”

“We wanted to be sure!”

“I wanted to know! If it’s important to you then I want to know! If you had said something then maybe…”

But Naruto changed his mind even before he had finished his sentence.

“No! I take that back,” he crossed his arms over his chest. “It wouldn’t have made a difference at all, I wouldn’t have cared. I don’t care!”

Iruka didn’t yell anything back and silence fell over the kitchen as they stared at each other, Naruto determined and Iruka angry, both of them shaking. Naruto realized he was panting. It ended suddenly; Iruka’s anger disappeared like a switch had been turned off and he sobbed once, wiping his eyes with an arm. He looked tired, exhausted.

“You’re hopeless,” he said and flew out with an arm. “He was going to be your brother. We were going to be a family.”

Naruto flinched, because those were serious words and he had always really wanted a brother. But he had to stand his ground, keep his arms tightly crossed over his chest.

“Oh, yeah?” he said and sniffed. “So what? I would still have married him.”

Iruka looked like he couldn’t trust his ears, then he sobbed again but this time it was laughter. He smiled through the tears that had started running from his eyes.

“You are hopeless,” he said. “So stubborn and unreasonable.”

“Yeah, well. I got it from somewhere, didn’t I?” Naruto muttered loudly, still standing his ground, still holding his arms firmly where they should be. Iruka looked at him, still smiling and still crying silently. But Naruto didn’t know what kind of tears they were.

Then the man came forward; with a weak laughter he grabbed onto Naruto and pulled him into a hard hug.

“Come here, you,” he said softly. “My stubborn, unreasonable child.”

Naruto sniffed against Iruka’s clothes and wasn’t sure if it was alright to stop frowning now. He kept his arms crossed a bit longer, just to be safe. When he finally felt he could lower his guard he grabbed onto the sides of Iruka’s shirt, not really a hug but close enough.

“I really am marrying him,” he grumbled and Iruka sobbed another laugh.

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