In the cold of space you find the heat of suns

Author's comment: Aargh, aargh, can't stop writing. Help!

Apologies if the characters have grown differently in their new environment.

Spacer crews travel the Far Borders and the Fringe of occupied space, trading. Spacing is an ancient and honourable profession carved out by millenniums. Most spacers start out as fourteen-year-old boys seeking a future. Few survive a decade spacing.

32. Neji

Life on the Silver Leaf was good. It was ordered and pleasant. Iruka-san insisted on proper behaviour. The ship was very clean and, for the most part, tidy. Other than Shikamaru’s almost proposition, no one but Haku had suggested fucking. Haku had come to him one morning and told him that this was his day on the twelve-day rotation of the cat’s attention. Neji had assured him that he had no need of him and that had been the end of it. It was very civilised.

Being surrounded by others fucking did not bother Neji. The relationship between Iruka and Kakashi was very sound, better than many of the marriages he remembered from his childhood. Sasuke and Naruto were the epitome of young lovers with the added interest of Naruto being a hybrid. Neji could see that adding Naruto to the story of the Last Uchiha would make it even more compelling. The casual fucking that the others indulged in appeared to be friendly and good-natured. They all treated Haku very well, even when he was at his most difficult.

Neji tried not to dwell on how different his life would have been if he had catted with such a crew.

At first Neji spent most of his days in the infirmary. Rin was determined to make him healthy, which was providing her with a challenge. Sasuke had also asked her to grow his hair. Neji had tried to persuade Sasuke out of that; he was not a Hyuga. Sasuke refused. He told Neji that he could do what he liked with his hair, even shave his head, once they had dealt with the reception that would be waiting for them on Tarrasade. First impressions were going to count greatly. The images captured would wend their way through known space. Having what looked like a Hyuga at his side was too good an opportunity to miss. Neji brought up the possibility that the Hyuga would be offended. Sasuke agreed that they would discuss it but that Neji’s hair must be long for the option to be a possibility. The alternative was a wig. Neji reluctantly deferred. Long hair was better than a wig.

The battle had been very informative. Neji had gone over every moment of it several times. It was the only example of Sasuke’s leadership that was available for him to analyse. Sasuke had trusted his crew to perform up to the limit of their abilities. That encouraged individuals to perform but it required them to be capable of maximising their performance under pressure. Naruto was the perfect example of such an individual. This had implications when it came to recruiting. There were few individuals of the quality of Naruto or, indeed, of Shikamaru.

Neji tried not to think too much about Shikamaru. Defeating Shikamaru at Go had not given Neji any delusions about their relative intelligences. Neji had won because Shikamaru’s behaviour gave him tiny clues about the strategy he should be pursuing. Subconsciously, or maybe even consciously, Shikamaru had wanted to be defeated.

Shikamaru was a type of lateral thinking genius so rare that statistics were meaningless. Neji had asked Jiraiya and he had confirmed that the Uchiha had devoted considerable resources to finding such individuals. The genetic line that produced Shikamaru had been flagged as a possibility and male children of that line were always tracked. Kakashi had cross-referenced cat application videos against the list, even after the massacre. When he had seen Shikamaru’s video he had told Jiraiya that he must persuade the Captain to get the Silver Leaf to the boy’s home system as quickly as possible. Five other crews had been interested. Kakashi had been willing to challenge to have him, but it had not been necessary. One meeting between Iruka and the boy’s mother ensured that they recruited him.

Given who he was, Shikamaru appeared surprisingly normal. To someone who did not know he seemed a little naïve and immature, inclined to daydream and occasionally to babble, but delightfully lacking in artifice.

To someone like Neji, who knew enough to have some inkling of what was happening in his mind, this was the visible surface of something very deep, very complex and terrifyingly able.


Rin had finally cut down his time in the infirmary to one hundred minutes per day. That freed Neji for other duties and he and Naruto were on the cleaning rota together. They had been assigned the pressurised storage bays, including the gym. Naruto would give an inadequate description of what they should do and then Neji would copy what he actually did, with any improvements that suggested themselves; Naruto was not talented at cleaning. He was also not in a good mood. Neji did not know Naruto well enough to know why or what the consequences might be. He stayed quiet and cleaned.

“Why don’t you like him?” Naruto asked suddenly.

Neji was lost. “Who?”

“Shi-chan.”

It took Neji a moment to understand. “Shikamaru-san? What makes you think I do not like him?”

“You turned him down.” Naruto pushed one of the storage crates with a little too much force. It crashed into the next. “The people he likes always turn him down.”

Neji was very still. He was suddenly and acutely aware of what Naruto was.

Naruto inhaled, looked contrite and sat on the floor. “I did not mean to frighten you, Neji-san. Please do not be scared.”

Neji realised that Naruto had smelt his fear. “You can be a little frightening, Naruto-san,” he admitted and made himself relax enough to sit on one of the crates.

“You are like Haku,” Naruto observed. “Bad men have hit you. Now I know I will be even more careful not to scare you.”

“Thank you, Naruto-san,” Neji said, knowing that his voice sounded rather faint.

“I catted for some bad crews. I was lucky. I am tougher than a purebred human.” His eyes were soft with sympathy. “It must have been even worse for you than for Haku. He can pretend but you see too much.”

Neji managed a very small smile. “Yes, pretence can be a defence. With Haku it can even be an attack.”

Naruto smiled in return. “Haku is Haku,” he acknowledged. “Why did you turn Shi-chan down?”

Neji stiffened. “It is not something I wish to discuss.”

“I do. I am Shi-chan’s best friend. I need to know why the people he likes turn him down. Rin turned him down. He said it was because she loves Kakashi. She said it is because he is too young for her. What are your reasons?”

Neji teetered on the edge of making a decision. He could refuse to answer, he could give the secondary reason, the one he had used with Shikamaru, or he could take this opportunity to develop his insight into Naruto, into Shikamaru and maybe into himself. He took the plunge.

“I am frightened of him,” he admitted.

Naruto frowned. “Why? Shi-chan would never hit you. He is kind.”

“He is terrifyingly clever.”

“Huh,” Naruto said and then was silent. After a while he spoke. “Neji-san, I have ripped a man’s throat out with my teeth. I could snap a man’s spine. I have fangs. I go berserk. I can lose my temper and almost kill a friend by mistake. Sasuke knows all that. He had seen most of it. Yet he still loves me. He trusts me to fuck him. His love is the best thing in my life.” He took a deep breath. “Shi-chan goes to Rin and to you because you can understand what he is. Neither Rin nor you trust him enough even to try. I understand now why he is so sad.”

Neji was glad he was sitting down. Naruto’s words were like being punched in the gut. “What you have with Sasuke is very special,” he whispered. “It takes two amazing people to make it work.”

“Shi-chan is amazing,” Naruto assured him. “Maybe you could be too.” The beautiful blue eyes dulled. “Only bad things had happened to me before I came here. I survived by letting men fuck me. I was terrified that someone would terminate me if I went berserk. I was too scared to stop them hitting me. Then I was him and now I am me.” He stood up. “You think about it. There is lots of time. Shi-chan will not give up for ages. That is the way he is.” He began walking away. “I will go clean the gym now so that you can think.”

Neji sat and thought. Then he cleaned and thought. Even when the cleaning was finished the thinking went on.


He was still thinking about it in the infirmary the next morning. This time Rin had him encased in supergens. He could not escape the thought that she was experimenting on him. He could feel the ‘bots crawling in his scalp stimulating his hair growth; the sensation was remarkably unpleasant. He rehearsed a few questions in his head before settling on one.

“Rin-san, what do you think of Naruto?” he asked.

Rin froze suddenly and then worked faster than she had before. “You’ve had all that training, so I know it is pointless lying to you. I think he has astonishing physical abilities, which make him a great fighter. He also lacks self-control, which makes him extremely dangerous. Otherwise he is a pleasant youngster. I confess that I am not as fond of him as are the other members of the crew.”

Neji smiled.

“What is so amusing?” Rin demanded.

“I am thinking that a relationship between you and Shikamaru was unlikely to be successful,” he replied.

Rin snorted. “He had a crush on me. Such things happen.”

“You were not tempted?” Neji asked, modulating his tone to lead her into a more detailed answer.

“He is odd,” she confessed. “I know I am odd but he is odd in a different way. Usually he is just Shikamaru but sometimes he looks at you and you get a glimpse of the way he thinks.” She shuddered.

Neji remembered one of those looks, in the galley, that first evening on the ship. Naruto had been correct. Rin was frightened of Shikamaru.


He would be better than Rin.


He was almost ready to leave when Shino’s voice came over the intercom asking him to come to the lab as soon as was convenient. Once Rin had rid him of the irritating scalp ‘bots he was on his way. He pushed his hair back from his face. It had already grown to that irritating intermediate length where it was too long to have loose but too short to tie back. He would have to ask Haku for some ideas.

The lab looked different. Before he could analyse what it was Shino was gesturing towards a chair and console.

“We thought you needed somewhere to work,” he explained, “so we moved stuff to make space.”

Neji focused on Shikamaru. He was standing to one side, his hands thrust deep in his pockets. “That was thoughtful of you Shino-san, Shikamaru-san. Thank you.”

“Try it out,” suggested Shino.

Neji sat down. It was a chair and a console, but it had been put there for his benefit. “It will be excellent,” he assured them. He heard a slight scuffle behind him and caught a glimpse of Shino pushing Shikamaru forward.

“I’ve been collecting information relevant to the Uchiha for a while,” Shikamaru began. “Only it hasn’t been organised for other people to use. So I thought, maybe I would take the stuff out that might be useful for you and, you know, organise it in a way that would suit someone… …tidy. So I found out about the way Hyuga organise their information, at least what I could, because they are pretty damn secretive, and I came up with this.”

The overhead holo display sprang into life. Neji’s heart rate increased. The user interface looked similar to the ones he had used as a child. It was even controlled by the same combination of changes of position of the head and direction of gaze. He burrowed down one line of enquiry. There was so much information. This was a subset of what Shikamaru had? He came back to a branch point and went another way.

“You can change the way it is organised if you want,” Shikamaru continued.

Neji came back to the start point. “It is wonderful, Shikamaru-san.” He spotted Shino slipping out into the corridor and gently closing the hatch.

“I listened when you said we couldn’t be… …intimate ‘cos we have to work together and it made me think that the least I could do was make it easier for us to work together and, maybe, in time, perhaps, we could become… ..friends because maybe Shino’s right and I need a friend who can understand how I think more than I need a lover,” Shikamaru finished with a rush.

Neji rotated his chair, reached for Shikamaru’s belt and pulled him towards him. “Sorry to disappoint, Shikamaru-san, but no one can understand the way you think. You’ll just have to put up with a lover who is willing to try.”

Shikamaru’s eyes widened. “It worked?” One of his hands came out of his pocket and gestured at the display. “It was that easy?” he asked, disbelievingly.

Neji smiled. “It is a wonderful present but, no, I am not that easy. I had a very illuminating conversation with Naruto yesterday. It made me question my motives for refusing you.”

“Na-chan?”

“Yes, your Na-chan. He understands you remarkably well and cares about you very much.”

“We are best friends,” Shikamaru admitted.

“It won’t be smooth, Shikamaru-san. I have had some bad experiences. It is hard for me to let someone touch me.”

“We can be celibate,” Shikamaru suggested. “I’ve thought about it. No fucking. No rubbing. No sucking. Just handholding and kissing. For as long as you want.”

Neji wondered again how Shikamaru’s mind worked: spacer celibate lovers? “That would be nice,” he admitted.

“And maybe some touching,” added Shikamaru, reaching out with one hand to push back some wayward locks of Neji’s hair.