What the New Year Brings

Chapter 33-The First Time Madam Shijimi Learns The Difference Between "Mother" and "Smother"

A mother who's not really a mother and a father who's not really a father, yet somehow I find myself being asked-

"Are you afraid?"

"I'm sorry?"

"It's okay if you are, you know? Not everyone admits it, but it's perfectly natural to be scared shitless when you first discover you're about to be a mother."

My eyes widen because I know exactly where this is going and I don't like it, especially since I'm NOT pregnant!

"I mean, your body alone...you don't know what the heck is going on! You think the morning sickness is bad? You haven't seen anything yet!"

Yup. Definitely don't like where this is going...

"Which reminds me, you should eat only healthy foods from now on. One of the main reasons pregnant women get morning sickness is because their body is trying to get rid of any toxins that might be bad for their baby, so no more junk food for you!" Madam Shijimi says brightly.

And it's official. I hate this conversation.

"You don't have to worry about me, Madam Shijimi. Really. I'm a medic, after all, and I'm aware of all this already."

"Well, maybe you are, but is the father? He's part of this too now and he's going to have to be just as informed. Uh, assuming he wants to be a part of this and you want him to be a part of this, too."

"Of course he wants to be a part of this and of course I want him to be a part of this, too." I smile assuringly at Madam Shijimi.

"I still don't understand it. How did I get her pregnant?" Kakashi asks, holding his head in his hands.

"Oh, good!" Madam Shijimi smiles in relief. "I was worried that there might've been a problem since you hadn't told him you were pregnant."

"Oh, no! Nothing like that! I'm sure Kakashi's thrilled!"

"I mean, I know that condoms are only about 98 percent effective, but still..."

"What?! Condoms are only 98 percent effective?! But I thought they were 100 percent effective!" Naruto shouts in a shrill voice.

"But why didn't you tell him sooner?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"I wanted to tell the man I love that we're having a baby in a way that would be memorable and special, like when it's just the two of us laying in bed snuggled up next to each other. It's simple but-"

"Sweet." Madam Shijimi finishes for me. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry! I had no idea! And I just had to go and open up my big mouth and blab to the whole world that you're pregnant!"

"It's okay, Madam Shijimi. Really." Only because I'm not really pregnant, I think to myself, smiling warmly back at her.

"Oh, thank you for being so quick to forgive! You're such a saint! Kakashi-san is really lucky to have someone like you!" Madam Shijimi gushes.

"Well, you know..." I duck my head in embarrassment.

If she only knew...

"Sakura's not going to forgive me for this." Kakashi shakes his head regretfully. "I knew I should've pulled out the instant we were finished, but she wanted me to stay inside of her and it felt so good to stay inside of her-"

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!" Naruto screams hysterically, jamming a finger in each ear and squeezing his eyes tightly shut for good measure, but that only created a mental image behind his closed eyelids and thus, made things worse rather than better.

"But to be honest, it's Kakashi who's the patient one. As crazy as things get, he always keeps his cool and knows exactly what to do in a tight situation. That's why I trust he'll make a great father." I smile at Madam Shijimi who smiles back at me and goes "Aww..."

"Kakashi-sempai...I think you should really stop banging your head on the tree now. It can't be good for you." Yamato says both in sympathy and shock. He's never seen his team leader quite like this before.

"I think that's why I fell in love with him in the first place. Because he's one of the good guys, always protecting and comforting me. And I know that when the baby comes, he'll be the same way...wanting to protect the baby and me."

"The entire ANBU squadron couldn't protect me from Tsunade-sama now! I promised her I wouldn't do something like this and now...Oh, God..." Kakashi says in despair and resumes banging his head against the tree.

"Geez, at this rate I don't have to kill him. He'll just do it himself, dattebayo." Naruto mumbles to Yamato who nods his head in agreement as the two of them try to pry Kakashi away from the tree.

"You know, when I was pregnant with Hiraku-chan I was the same way. She wasn't even born yet and already I felt this need to always protect her and be there for her. The funny thing is, before she came along the whole world revolved around me and what I wanted and what I needed, but the instant you find out that you're going to be a parent, your whole world turns upside down and now everything is about your child and what they want and what they need. It's strange, how becoming a parent changes you like that." Madam Shijimi says with a warm smile and a nostalgic far off look in her eyes.

I can't help but smile right along with her.

"Kakashi-sempai...are you alright?" Yamato asks in concern.

At the base of the tree, with his back supported against its trunk, Kakashi sits with his legs bent in front of him and his elbows resting on his knees, laughing his head off like a man whose completely lost his mind.

"You know the first thing that came into my mind when I first heard that Sakura's pregnant?" Kakashi asks.

"'I'm a father?'" Naruto offers helpfully.

"Well, yes, that. But after that."

"'We were so careful'?" Yamato supplies.

"'Where am I going to hide my porn?'" Kakashi laughs. "A million things I could be worrying about, but instead I'm worrying about where to hide my porn. How crazy is that? And you want to know why I was thinking that? Because I didn't want my son or daughter to accidentally find those books and start asking questions. I didn't want to have to explain the birds and the bees to them!" Kakashi laughs again.

"Even now when she's all grown up and a few days away from getting married, I still..." Madam Shijimi chokes on her words and unfortunately for Tora, Madam Shijimi chokes her.

"Uh, Madam Shijimi?..." I try to interrupt as I watch Tora's eyes tear up.

"So what if I got her pregnant by accident? It's not like we're kids anymore. If anything, it's been a long, long time since I've been one and it's been awhile since she's been one, too. And we love each other. We know that for a fact. If ever I was to have a child with anyone, Sakura would be it. I'm so concerned about what other people might think that I'm completely missing out on what this all means...I'm going to be a father." Kakashi says quietly with a big, proud smile evident by the happy crease of his eye.

"Oh! What am I ever going to do without my baby!" Madam Shijimi shrieks hysterically while the poor cat in her arms shrieks hysterically, too.

"Uh, Madam Shijimi?..." I try to interrupt again. This time Tora's eyes are starting to pop out of their sockets.

"I want to be right there for Sakura through it all. I want to be there to touch her belly when it first starts to grow. I want to be there to get her pickles and ice cream when she craves them at 2am in the morning. I want to be there holding her hand when she's lying on a hospital bed with our baby ready to come out-"

"You know, I don't think that's such a good idea. Sakura'll crush your hand to smither-"

Yamato quickly shakes his head and Naruto promptly shuts up.

"...I want to be there for our baby's first smile, first steps, first everything. I want to be there for every single minute and every single thing before, during, and after Sakura's pregnancy. My father wasn't around when I was a kid, but I sure as hell will be there for mine!" Kakashi says with fierce determination.

Naruto and Yamato merely smile, glad to see that their team leader is back to his kickass self.

"She can't possibly get married yet! She's still a baaabyyy!!" Madam Shijimi howls.

"Me-YOOOWWW!!" Tora howls herself, putting particular emphasis on the "OW!!"

"Madam Shijimi! You're smothering her!" I shout in desperation.

"How could you say that?! Maybe you don't understand because you haven't had your baby yet, but Hiraku-chan is my baby and I'm telling you that she's going to stay by my side until she's 90 years old!" Madam Shijimi says stubbornly.

"No, Madam Shijimi! You're smothering her." I say, quickly scooping Tora out of Madam Shijimi's arms and pulling her into my own.

"Oh!" Madam Shijimi says in genuine surprise. "I'm so sorry! I didn't realize..."

I shake my head and look sympathetically down at the half-strangled cat in my arms. I could swear I just heard it give a sigh of relief. That or Tora's just trying to get air back into her lungs.

"But Madam Shijimi, that's exactly the problem. You get so caught up in your own emotions that you don't realize what you're doing to the ones you love. I know I don't know what it's like to be a mom...Yet." I quickly catch myself. "But I do know what it's like to be a daughter and I can tell you that, as a daughter, we need our space. It's not that we hate you or don't want to have anything to do with you, it's just that if you don't give us an inch, how do you expect us to grow?" I ask while lightly petting Tora who's beginning to relax in my loose but supportive embrace.

"And I know why you guys do it. I know that girls are harder to take care of than boys because there's so much more at stake and you don't want your baby girls ending up, well, like me." I say pointing to my not really pregnant belly. "But even then, it took me until adulthood to find myself in this situation. I have my own job, my own home, and even though this pregnancy wasn't planned for, it's still well within my means to take care of this child financially, mentally, and emotionally. What's more, Kakashi and I are in love. This may fast forward things a bit, but it's nothing that wouldn't have happened between us anyway." I say, the confidence of my words surprising even me.

"I need to catch up to her." Kakashi says, watching the convoy as it slowly shrinks into the distance as it moves on without him. "I need to tell her how I feel. I need to tell her that she doesn't have to do this alone." Kakashi says, quickly getting up on his feet.

Naruto and Yamato exchange smiles, then follow after their team leader who's chasing after Sakura's carriage.

"You have to learn to trust us, or at the very least, trust that you raised us well enough for us to make the right decisions. Hiraku-hime is a smart girl. You raised her well. She isn't the type of girl to just give herself up to just anyone. Trust in that. Trust in her."

"I'll make this right. I promised her I'd make a house a home with her, but not before I make her my wife." Kakashi says resolutely.

Naruto and Yamato's eyes widen...Did he just say what they thought he just said?

"Of course I trust Hiraku-chan. I just don't trust living the rest of my life without her!" Madam Shijimi quietly sobs.

Releasing one arm around Tora, I wrap it around Madam Shijimi's shoulders instead.

"You're a great mom, loving Hiraku-hime as much as you do, but she's all grown up now and now it's her turn to love. So let her love, let her live the rest of her life with the man she chooses to love, and who knows? Maybe someday she'll turn out to be as great a mom as you."

"Oh!" Madam Shijimi sobs again, leaning into my embrace.

Even Tora seems to get an inkling of what's going on and slowly starts to crawl back into her rightful owner's lap.

"See?" I whisper. "Give them an inch and they'll find their way back into your arms in their own time."

Madam Shijimi slowly nods her head and lightly runs her hand down Tora's head and back. The cat gives a contented, heartfelt purr and at last we've all come to an understanding. I only hope that Madam Shijimi will remember this conversation when Hiraku and Shinri come out with their relationship. I'd tell her myself about it, but it's simply not my place.

As the carriage gently rocks, I look serenely out the window, but what I see throws all my serenity out the very window I'm looking through. Peeking out just beyond the horizon is...sand.

"No." I whisper.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Madam Shijimi asks, catching the worried look on my face.

Before I can answer, the convoy slows to a complete stop and there's tapping on our carriage door.

"What's going on?" Madam Shijimi asks, looking down at the guard before her.

"We're at the Wind Country border, Shijimi-sama," he informs us. "It's time for us to exchange the horses and carriages for the camels."

"Oh, very well then." Madam Shijimi states diplomatically.

Turning back to me, Madam Shijimi misreads the worried look still written all over my face. Placing a gentle hand on my knee, she tells me in a tone considerably softer than the one she used on the guard, "You don't have to go the rest of the way with us, sweetheart. The harsh desert is no place for a pregnant woman."

I look into her kind eyes and am too shocked to say anything. First Hiraku and Shinri, now me and Kakashi. Without her realizing it, Madam Shijimi is tearing us all apart.

"No." I tell her firmly while shaking my head.

"Sweetheart, what are you talking about? It's at least 100 degrees outside and you won't have the protection of this carriage anymore. Surely you understand why continuing on can't be good for you and your baby."

"It's not that. I don't want to be separated from Kakashi and-"

"Oh, honey! Is that what it is? Well, don't worry. We can send him back with you to Konoha if it'll make you feel better. We have more than enough guards and with your other two teammates still with us we're more than well protect-"

"And I don't think Hiraku-hime wants to be separated from Shinri-san either!"

"Shinri? The stable boy? But why wouldn't Hiraku-chan want to be-"

"Sakura, I really need to talk to you."

When I turn around, I'm shocked to see Kakashi standing right outside the carriage door where the guard had been just a minute ago.

"Sure, Kakashi, but can't it wait until later? We're about to switch over and Hiraku still hasn't had the chance to tell Madam Shijimi-"

"Oh..." Madam Shijimi quietly interrupts me.

Confused, Kakashi and I follow her gaze beyond the carriage door.

"Oh." Kakashi and I say in unison.

For standing apart from the convoy, well enough for everyone to see, Hiraku and Shinri stand together touching forehead to forehead, holding each other close in a tearful farewell.

To be continued...