What the New Year Brings

Chapter 35-"The First We Practice To Deceive"

Kakashi still had me pressed against his side and his masked lips buried in my hair when I caught Madam Shijimi walking towards us, a far off look in her eyes and a small smile on her lips.

"I've never seen her so happy," she said to herself in a disbelieving daze.

"Yes, and it's all because of you. What you did was truly amazing." I praised her. "Thank you for being so understanding and giving Hiraku-hime and Shinri-san a chance."

Madam Shijimi's eyes focused onto mine, as if suddenly seeing me for the first time. She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she slightly jolted when I addressed her. Then, her eyes widened, looking between Kakashi and me in realization.

"You knew about them all along, didn't you? Both of you did. That's why you gave me that little talk, wasn't it?" she asked, her eyes focusing solely on me now.

"Yes, we did and we're sorry for not telling you, but it wasn't our place. And I had promised Hiraku-hime and Shinri-san that I'd help them any way that I could, but since I couldn't talk to you directly about their relationship, I thought I could at least give you some roundabout advice. I just didn't think it would work so well!" I admitted.

"Yes, it did. More than you know. Thanks to you, I kept picturing poor Tora-chan half strangled with her fur sticking out every which way but the right one! Then, when I looked at Hiraku-chan and saw the same frantic look in her eyes, I realized I was doing the same thing to her! After that, everything you said started to make sense and I knew, as much as I didn't want to, that I had to let her go and let her live her own life."

Behind Madam Shijimi, we could still hear Hiraku and Shinri laughing and celebrating.

Madam Shijimi turned around and saw what Kakashi and I did - Hiraku and Shinri cupping each other's faces in their hands, their eyes bright and joyful as they smiled at each other. Madam Shijimi's gaze softened. That look alone spoke volumes about what she thought about her decision.

Turning back to Kakashi and me, her expression still slightly euphoric, Madam Shijimi addressed a different matter altogether.

"Well, now that your job is finished, I suppose you two want to be heading back to Konoha," she said with a knowing smile and a not so subtle glance down at my not really pregnant belly.

"Yes, we are." Kakashi said, giving Madam Shijimi a happy eye crease.

"I'll make sure to let the hokage know that you two did a wonderful job, even going above and beyond the call of duty." Madam Shijimi said approvingly.

"We'd really appreciate that," Kakashi chuckled, reaching his hand out to shake Madam Shijimi's.

Standing between them, watching as their clasped hands slowly bobbed up and down before my eyes, my heart clenched and my mind reeled.

"But it's not over yet!" I blurted out, practically shouting the very words that ran through my mind only seconds before.

Kakashi and Madam Shijimi both turned their heads to look at me in shock.

"You don't want to go home?" Madam Shijimi asked, saying each word slowly and delicately as if saying the wrong thing would somehow make me explode again.

"Sakura..." Kakashi said gently, "Be reasonable. You're pregnant. It's better for you and the baby to turn back now."

"Kakashi, I've been meaning to tell you. I'm so sorry, but I'm not really pre-"

"You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye, were you?" Hiraku cut in at that moment, a teasing smile on her face.

"Or letting us say thank you?" Shinri added.

"No, I wasn't because I'm not leaving yet. I'm going with you to Suna." I told them firmly, then I gave Kakashi a hard look, letting him know I was set on this.

"Sakura-san..." Madam Shijimi began, "I'm sorry, but I have to agree with Kakashi-san on this. It simply isn't wise for a woman in your condition to be trekking out in the middle of the desert."

"But that's just it. I'm not really pre-"

"What's going on? What's wrong?" Naruto asked loudly, interrupting me. He bounded towards us, Yamato close at his heels. Although Yamato didn't say anything, he looked just as concerned as Naruto.

"Sakura doesn't want to head back home yet." Kakashi explained calmly, though the stress was clear in his voice.

"What? Why not, Sakura-chan?!" Naruto asked confused.

"Because the mission's not over yet!" I said simply, but regretted saying the words the minute they left my mouth.

"But you're pregnant, Sakura-chan!" Naruto protested.

"It's at least 100 degrees out in the desert!" Hiraku said on top of him.

"It's not good for the baby!" Madam Shijimi reprimanded.

"We're still hours away from Suna, even by camel." Yamato informed me.

"You've done more than enough, Sakura. You don't have to do this." Kakashi said, speaking the gentlest of them all, but my ears still hurt from everybody talking on top of each other.

"Will you all just listen to me?!" I shouted over the relentless onslaught of complaints and concerns.

And then, suddenly, I got exactly what I asked for...complete and utter silence.

"Okay, we're listening." Kakashi said softly, prodding me to go on.

"Thank you!" I said exasperatedly. "So like I was trying to say, I'm not really pre-" But at that moment, I became fully aware of all the eyes on me, looking at me silently and expectantly. Be careful what you wish for, I thought as I felt the spotlight blaring down on me, but in spite of the many eyes staring at me, there was only one eye that I really cared about...Kakashi's. Up until this moment, I hadn't really given much thought to what his reaction would be once I told him I wasn't really pregnant. In my mind, there was no reason to because it was a fake pregnancy and there were more pressing, real matters to attend to. And he was a genius, wasn't he? He had to remember it had been his idea to pretend I was sick in the first place! Surely he could put two and two together and figure out I wasn't really pregnant and that this was all just one big misunderstanding that got drastically out of control, couldn't he? But looking into his eye, full of confusion and concern, I knew that wasn't the case. He was reacting that way because he was trying to protect the baby. The baby that didn't even really exist! And then it dawned on me...He wanted to be a dad. He wanted me to be a mom. He wanted this baby. He wanted it so implicitly that it was probably the reason why he hadn't figured out the pregnancy wasn't real...Because he was right smack in the middle of denial and wishful thinking. My heart sank. What had I done?! How did things get this far out of hand?! If I told him that I wasn't really pregnant now, in front of all these other people, not only would I break his heart and his hopes - I'd crush him! STUPID BAKA! If I didn't feel so sorry for him, I'd hit him upside the head. It was his stupid lie that started all this! Now, for his sake, I was going to have to keep up that lie, at least until I could speak to him alone. Because if I told him the truth now, I wouldn't get the chance to explain. Everyone else was bound to get in our way, just as they had just a minute ago. And so, I reluctantly stammered:

"I'm not really pre - prepared to go home yet! There's still Hiraku-hime's dad and fiance to deal with and if it hadn't been for me, Hiraku-hime and Shinri-san wouldn't be in this situation! I started this and I'll finish it! As far as I'm concerned, my mission isn't truly over until I've seen both Hiraku-hime and Shinri-san safe and sound, happy and together back in Konoha with all loose ends tied!" I said, pursing my lips and folding my arms across my chest, effectively closing myself off from anymore arguments to the contrary.

Everyone was still and silent, knowing that there'd be no swaying me. And so, the flood of overlapping voices took on a completely different course of debate:

"She's definitely going to be riding a camel then!"

"Not only is she riding a camel, but she's riding a camel with another rider. That way someone can catch her if she starts to feel woozy again."

"I'll do it."

"No surprise there, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto said with a smirk.

"Yes, that's perfect! He can sit behind her and hold up an umbrella so that the sun won't get to her."

"We should get her a shroud, too, to keep the sand from blowing in her face."

"And double the padding on her saddle to make the ride easier."

"And double her water ration, too. She is drinking for two now and we don't want either of them getting dehydrated."

"Yes, out of everything, the heat is our biggest concern in this situation."

"But maybe we don't have to ride out in the heat of the sun..."

At this latest suggestion, everyone went quiet and slowly turned to look at Madam Shijimi. She blushed, much the same way I had when I suddenly became the center of attention. She smiled meekly as she explained.

"There's no real rush to get to Suna now, right, since the wedding isn't happening anymore? So we might as well take our time and leave when the sun sets and it's cooler."

There was a moment of silence and then a burst of excited chatter all over again.

"It'll still be pretty warm, but it'll definitely be better than having the sun boring down on Sakura."

"It'll be easier on everyone else, too."

"Yes, and it'll give us time to figure out what to say to your father and fiance, Hiraku-chan."

"Not only that, it'll give us more time to be together, Shinri-kun!" Hiraku beamed.

"But we'll always be together." Shinri contested.

"You know what I mean...Without Daddy or anyone else coming down on us."

"You're right." Shinri smiled, liking the idea of delaying the trip more and more.

"It's settled then." Madam Shijimi said with authority. "We'll stay put here until sunset before continuing on to Suna."

Everyone expressed their assent and I knew I should've been relieved, too, but it only meant that the time for me to be alone with Kakashi to tell him the truth had just been pushed up. I wasn't really sure if I was ready for that just yet, especially since I had just figured out how much he wanted this baby. Maybe if I waited long enough, like when we were alone in Suna, maybe nature would take its course and it wouldn't have to be a lie.

Shit! What am I saying?! What am I thinking?! Am I really ready to become a mom for the rest of my life just to keep up a lie?!

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

Stupid baka! It was HIS lie!

To be continued...

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If you're wondering, the quote is by Sir Walter Scott. Don't you feel smart now? ;P