What the New Year Brings

I was thinking a lot about Shippuden Ep. 72 when I wrote this and just to let you know that while I was writing this chapter, it somehow took on a life of its own. Um, you'll see...

Chapter 36-The First And Only Constant

"Thank you." I said, taking the newly filled water canteen from Kakashi's gloved hand. Since the decision to linger at the River and Wind Country border was made, a small team had been sent to go a few miles back into River Country to refill our water supply. That way, water rations wouldn't be quickly depleted while we all waited for the sun to set.

"How are you feeling?" Kakashi asked, lowering himself down to sit beside me in the shade of a scraggly, dried out tree.

"I'm fine, Kakashi. Don't worry about me."

Still, Kakashi gave me an anxious look with his one exposed eye.

I let out a sigh and took a sip of the still slightly cool water from my water canteen to appease him. When I lowered the canister down from my lips, I saw that the tense look in his eye had softened just a little.

"You never stop, do you?" I smiled and shook my head at him.

"Worrying?"

"Worrying and trying to protect me."

"Old habits die hard." Kakashi admitted, and from the slight crease of his eye, I knew he was smiling a small smile beneath his mask.

"I'm no longer that helpless little girl, you know? You don't have to do that anymore."

"I don't do it because I have to, Sakura, I do it because I want to. Besides, what kind of dad would I be if I didn't feel protective of my new son or daughter?" Kakashi asked, his eye turning up into a full happy eye crease now.

My heart suddenly felt like someone was squeezing it tightly in their fist and my stomach felt twice as heavy.

"Kakashi, about that..." I began, shooting him a nervous look. Then, I instantly regretted even glancing at him because he had a pleased, proud look in his eye. "I...I never knew you wanted to be a father so bad." I relented.

"Neither did I. It's just one of those things I didn't know I wanted until it fell into my lap."

Why is he making this so hard?! my Inner Self cried in my head and I couldn't help but agree with her.

"But wouldn't having a child cramp your style?" I asked.

Kakashi looked at me and the worry quickly returned to his eye.

"Sakura...You sound like you don't want this baby."

"Kakashi, it's not that! If you and I had actually made a baby, then I'd be just as happy as you are now, but-"

"If we actually made a baby..." Kakashi repeated, the last few words trailing off in sad realization.

"I'm so sorry, Kakashi! If you hadn't told everyone I felt sick this morning...I mean, everybody knows we're together, so they all just assumed...I tried to explain earlier, but you saw how it is when everyone is involved: it's too chaotic. So I knew it'd be better to tell you the truth when we were alone. I'm really sorry, Kakashi! I know how much you wanted this!" I said, my apology coming out more like a plea.

Kakashi looked at me, a desolate look in his eye, but his words and tone weren't angry or accusing the way I expected them to be.

"You don't have to apologize, Sakura, because there's nothing for you to apologize for. It was all just a big misunderstanding and it started with a lie that I began. I have no one to blame for this but myself."

"I know I should feel better since you're taking this all so well, but somehow I only feel worse. Why is that?!"

"I think," Kakashi said gently, "It's because we both just realized how badly we wanted this baby, after all."

I felt pinpricks at the back of my eyes and I knew he had gotten it just right.

"You and I wanting to be parents...together. I didn't see that coming back when I was twelve!" I laughed while rubbing away the tears that were now escaping embarrassingly from my eyes.

Kakashi wrapped his arm around my body and kissed me on the top of my head.

"The forever bachelor..." he murmured.

"And the girl with the bad temper." I added, still laughing ruefully.

"I think you'd make a great mom, though." Kakashi protested. "You're one of the sweetest people I know, showing everyone kindness down to the smallest gesture."

When I looked up at him in confusion, he smiled down at me and said only two words: "Peeled apples."

I laughed at him, but in genuine happiness this time.

"And the thing is," he continued, "You haven't peeled a single apple for me yet!" he said, sounding hurt.

"Would you rather I shove it whole in your mouth like a roasted pig, the way I do with Naruto?" I asked teasingly.

"Even that would be something!"

"Kakashi, I don't get to peel you apples because my hands are always full with chakra trying to heal you myself! I'd say that's a one up to simply peeling apples for you! Rather than giving you fruit, I give you my own life force!"

"Yeah, but I still want the apple." Kakashi said stubbornly.

When I turned to shoot him an incredulous look, the bright look in his eye told me he was toying with me.

"And here I thought giving you my virginity was enough."

Kakashi's eye immediately went wide and it was my turn to look back at him playfully.

"I'm just saying." I said, shrugging my shoulders.

Kakashi laughed, then rested his cheek on the crown of my head.

"You really didn't think I'd want to be a dad?" he asked after awhile.

"Well, for as long as I've known you, you've always been so aloof. You just seem like you're one of those people who prefers to be alone."

Kakashi raised his head from mine and parted a little bit away from me so that he could look me in the eyes.

"Sakura, I thought you'd have realized that that's changed now."

"Well, yeah, you let me into your life, but that didn't necessarily mean you wanted mini Kakashis and Sakuras, too! For all I knew, you wanted to die childless!"

"Sakura, just so you know, if that 'accident' had happened with anybody else, I don't believe I'd have wanted it and have been thrilled about it the way I was with you. You don't seem to realize it, but you change all the equations in my life now. If anybody else had said they wanted to be in a serious relationship with me or have children with me, I'd most likely have run off into the woods, never to be seen again. But because it's you, it's...different. You make me want to have things I never wanted for myself before. Somehow I know that if it's you and me doing those things together, then it'll actually work out. You're my constant and any other variable just won't do."

I looked up into Kakashi's eye, wishing he'd take off all the barriers covering his face so that I could just see him, and said:

"So I'm a math problem now?"

"Geez, Sakura! I thought you'd at least give me credit for being romantic! Not all guys are like that, you know?!"

"I know!" I laughed. "But what did you expect me to say? Don't get me wrong, I'm not questioning your sincerity and it's not like I don't appreciate what I am to you, but right now, to hear you say all this, it's just very, very overwhelming! You're my first boyfriend, Kakashi. My first real anything! I'm not used to all this yet and already you're throwing me into the deep end of the pool! Just...give me some time to process all this and catch up, okay?"

"Like I said, Sakura: anything for you."

Still overwhelmed, the most I could do was nod my head.

"You'd have made a great dad, too." I said after a long stretch of silence. "When I was in the carriage talking to Madam Shijimi, it took me by surprise just how sure I was of that."

"Because you hadn't thought I'd make a great dad before?"

"No, not that. Just by the way you treated Naruto, Sasuke, and me when we were younger, I could already tell you'd make a good dad: being firm with us when we needed you to be, but strong in a way that was just and understanding rather than mean and threatening. And for all your book reading and aloofness, you could never really hide the fact that you actually cared about us. A person who doesn't care doesn't try to lead his students towards the right direction, he would just let them go whatever way they wanted, right or wrong, and not give a damn."

Without saying it aloud, we both knew what I was really talking about.

"Thank you, Sakura." Kakashi said quietly, his eye looking tired, but his voice sounding relieved, as if Sasuke's defection still plagued him, but my words had given Kakashi his long desired pardon.

"I'm just saying, you'd have made a great dad." I said, shrugging my shoulders again.

Kakashi laughed softly, placed his fingers beneath my chin, and lifted my face up to his for a light, but lingering masked kiss on my lips.

When we parted, both our eyes half-hooded as we still looked at each other's faces, he murmured softly:

"You ought to know that the offer still stands."

"What offer?" I asked confused.

"When I thought you were pregnant, I was going to ask you to marry me, but now I know for sure that the pregnancy wasn't the real reason I was going to do it. So, Haruno Sakura, the offer still stands," he said simply, his fingers under my chin still holding my face up to his.

"Oh my God, Kakashi! Did you forget what I just said about not overwhelming a girl all at once?!"

"You don't want to accept my offer then?" Kakashi asked worriedly.

Without hesitation and before he could pull away from me, I cupped his face in both of my hands and answered:

"Kakashi, I think I've just figured out how to tell everyone about my fake pregnancy."

"How?" Kakashi asked, still not following my seemingly random train of thought.

"Simple: 'Hey, guys. So the bad news is that I'm not really pregnant, but the good news is that Kakashi and I are getting married!'"

"Really?" Kakashi asked, his eye creasing the way it always does when he's smiling a big smile under his mask.

"Yes, really." I confirmed.

And so, that's how Hatake Kakashi, the man who once used to be my teacher, the man who is a forbidden 14 years my senior, the man who had always been my constant source of comfort and protection and who had just confessed that I'm his constant in all aspects of his life, proposed to me hundreds of miles from home, under one of the ugliest trees I've ever seen, without even a ring to give me. Yet somehow, it was the most perfect, the most fitting marriage proposal I could have ever received because there was nothing flamboyant about it. It was just him and me at each other's side confessing how much we loved each other...the way I hoped to spend the rest of my life with him.

To be continued...

~*~*~*~

Kakashi and Sakura's tree:
hansrossel.com/fotos/fotografie/emiraten/em_d397.htm