Almost Sucks
folder
Naruto › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
77
Views:
1,963
Reviews:
327
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
2
Category:
Naruto › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
77
Views:
1,963
Reviews:
327
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
2
Disclaimer:
I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Up high, not coming down
Almost Sucks
by Mashiro
Naruto fandom, series, no spoilers
AU, BOYS LOVE: Naruto x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Lee x Gaara
first version: September 9th 2006, Saturday
second version: October 10th 2008, Friday
.
DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the rights to the Naruto series or characters and I make no money writing this. I’m just a fan. This is fan fiction.
.
.
37: Up high, not coming down
.
Sasuke, the horse and the world
.
.
It is a really strange feeling at first. It’s much higher than I thought. I mean, I knew they were big and… and far from the ground, but… This far?
It feels like with every muscle this creature moves I lose my balance. I lose my center, my stability and I try not to cling to the saddle, the mane, the reins… but I do. I cling to them as if they are my sanity, and maybe they are. Maybe in some strange way of seeing things, this is my entire world and existence.
The world moves and I cling to the things that help me balance.
Maybe it’s not just my world and existence that works that way, maybe that’s what it’s all about; for everyone. The world moves and knocks balance away from us, and we have to struggle to get it back.
But… that wouldn’t be the whole truth about the world and existence, would it? What about those times when we act? When we choose to move our world, even though we know it might end up knocking us off our feet and have us struggle to gain back our balance?
And what about getting used to it? Because that ‘horse moves, balance goes away, have to get it back by holding on to things’ thing, that’s just the beginning. Pretty soon I’m starting to get it; I’m starting to figure out how to follow the movements, to move with the muscles so that I don’t lose my balance at all.
Iruka is leading Midori around the arena. He’s holding onto the reins, making sure I don’t pull the horse in the mouth. ‘Doesn’t the bit hurt?’ I wonder and we go round and round. Ino is watching from Ursa’s back, smiling, but not like before. She is sad and her eyes are shiny. How come I’m so special?
I don’t know how many times I’ve passed the gate now, but my tight grip on everything, saddle, mane, reins, has loosened. I’m sitting more ‘with my ass in the saddle’, like Ino said I should. She has noticed and winks through her teary eyes.
What follows the beginning is the rest. I ask Iruka to let go of the reins, and seeing my posture he does, smiling. He’s shown me the basics, how to steer, how to get moving, how to stop. It’s easy really, once you’ve got the hang of it. Or maybe it’s just Midori being nice.
Iruka tells me to try some circles and turn to go the other way. It goes well and Ino cheers. I sigh and shake my head at her. Iruka smiles and tells me I’m doing well. I feel like a three year old doing these simple things, now that just moving doesn’t make me feel like I’m going to fall. Sure, the turning was a bit… scary is such a strong word… Turning felt, that sounds better. But still.
“Do you want to go faster, Sasuke-kun?” Ino yells from her horse and I look at her. Iruka does too.
“This is a good pace, Ino,” he says. “It’s a really good first try.”
“I want to try,” I say and Iruka turns to me. He’s frowning.
“I don’t think it would be such a…” he starts, but his voice fades out. He frowns some more and I pass a corner.
“Are you sure?” He asks.
“Yeah,” I say and I get frustrated. “Tell me how.”
“Just squeeze his sides some more,” Ino yells. “Lean forward a bit and don’t pull his mouth. Oh, and hold on to something!”
“But not the reins,” Iruka says again. “It will get bumpy so be prepared.”
“Alright,” I mumble and do what they say; even putting a hand on the saddle. I do have time to get nervous before the horse starts moving faster.
It is bumpy. And faster. Very bumpy. My balance goes out the window again and I have to really try my hardest not to pull the reins. I throw my other hand on the saddle instead and wonder how I’m supposed to stop if I don’t have any balance and no reins, but Midori stops on his own when Iruka walks to stand in his way.
“It gets easier if you stand up every other step he takes,” Ino says.
“He can’t learn that now,” Iruka sounds annoyed, or maybe he’s just worried. “Are you alright, Sasuke-kun?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lie and ignore my stomach swirling with nervousness and gather up the reins again. Midori’s chewing the bit like it’s tasty.
“You know, Sasuke-kun,” Ino says thoughtfully. “If you go up another notch in speed from that one you tried there, it gets a lot more comfortable.”
“No,” Iruka says. “He can’t do the canter if he can’t do the trot.”
“It’s easier!”
“How do I do it?”
For some reason I’m desperate to try. I’m desperate to go faster, not because my stomach tries to tell me it might kill me or because Iruka doesn’t want me to, because I just want to go faster. I didn’t have time to feel the speed before, just the bumps.
“Sasuke…” Iruka begins but I cut him off.
“How?”
I turn Midori and Ino moves closer with Ursa. She shows me what to do with my hands, with my legs, with my weight. Iruka sighs, comes over and grabs onto the reins again.
“Are you trying to prove something with this?” He says and is serious. I don’t have to think before I answer, sincerely.
“No. I just want to.”
He looks sort of surprised at that. As if the idea that I could ‘just want’ something is weird. But then he smiles for some reason and lets go of the reins; he walks away and throws his arms out and mutters that at least I’m wearing a helmet.
What follows the beginning is the rest. When the world just moving and going about its business doesn’t shake us anymore, we want to make it move faster. We like that struggle, that chase for the balance we lost. We want to lose it, so we can fight to get it back. It’s like that saying is true, ‘you don’t know the true value of something until you’ve lost it.’
I like this speed, I like it very much. It tickles my stomach and chills my face and my hands. It makes my bangs fly and my body moves with the horse without me even trying. It’s like a fast and repeating wave that’s been glued to me. It’s unstable but still for some reason impossible to go wrong with.
I hear the wind in my ears and I hear the horse breathe. I hear the hooves against the ground.
My vision is blurred and I don’t think about anything.
.
.
by Mashiro
Naruto fandom, series, no spoilers
AU, BOYS LOVE: Naruto x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Lee x Gaara
first version: September 9th 2006, Saturday
second version: October 10th 2008, Friday
.
DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the rights to the Naruto series or characters and I make no money writing this. I’m just a fan. This is fan fiction.
.
.
37: Up high, not coming down
.
Sasuke, the horse and the world
.
.
It is a really strange feeling at first. It’s much higher than I thought. I mean, I knew they were big and… and far from the ground, but… This far?
It feels like with every muscle this creature moves I lose my balance. I lose my center, my stability and I try not to cling to the saddle, the mane, the reins… but I do. I cling to them as if they are my sanity, and maybe they are. Maybe in some strange way of seeing things, this is my entire world and existence.
The world moves and I cling to the things that help me balance.
Maybe it’s not just my world and existence that works that way, maybe that’s what it’s all about; for everyone. The world moves and knocks balance away from us, and we have to struggle to get it back.
But… that wouldn’t be the whole truth about the world and existence, would it? What about those times when we act? When we choose to move our world, even though we know it might end up knocking us off our feet and have us struggle to gain back our balance?
And what about getting used to it? Because that ‘horse moves, balance goes away, have to get it back by holding on to things’ thing, that’s just the beginning. Pretty soon I’m starting to get it; I’m starting to figure out how to follow the movements, to move with the muscles so that I don’t lose my balance at all.
Iruka is leading Midori around the arena. He’s holding onto the reins, making sure I don’t pull the horse in the mouth. ‘Doesn’t the bit hurt?’ I wonder and we go round and round. Ino is watching from Ursa’s back, smiling, but not like before. She is sad and her eyes are shiny. How come I’m so special?
I don’t know how many times I’ve passed the gate now, but my tight grip on everything, saddle, mane, reins, has loosened. I’m sitting more ‘with my ass in the saddle’, like Ino said I should. She has noticed and winks through her teary eyes.
What follows the beginning is the rest. I ask Iruka to let go of the reins, and seeing my posture he does, smiling. He’s shown me the basics, how to steer, how to get moving, how to stop. It’s easy really, once you’ve got the hang of it. Or maybe it’s just Midori being nice.
Iruka tells me to try some circles and turn to go the other way. It goes well and Ino cheers. I sigh and shake my head at her. Iruka smiles and tells me I’m doing well. I feel like a three year old doing these simple things, now that just moving doesn’t make me feel like I’m going to fall. Sure, the turning was a bit… scary is such a strong word… Turning felt, that sounds better. But still.
“Do you want to go faster, Sasuke-kun?” Ino yells from her horse and I look at her. Iruka does too.
“This is a good pace, Ino,” he says. “It’s a really good first try.”
“I want to try,” I say and Iruka turns to me. He’s frowning.
“I don’t think it would be such a…” he starts, but his voice fades out. He frowns some more and I pass a corner.
“Are you sure?” He asks.
“Yeah,” I say and I get frustrated. “Tell me how.”
“Just squeeze his sides some more,” Ino yells. “Lean forward a bit and don’t pull his mouth. Oh, and hold on to something!”
“But not the reins,” Iruka says again. “It will get bumpy so be prepared.”
“Alright,” I mumble and do what they say; even putting a hand on the saddle. I do have time to get nervous before the horse starts moving faster.
It is bumpy. And faster. Very bumpy. My balance goes out the window again and I have to really try my hardest not to pull the reins. I throw my other hand on the saddle instead and wonder how I’m supposed to stop if I don’t have any balance and no reins, but Midori stops on his own when Iruka walks to stand in his way.
“It gets easier if you stand up every other step he takes,” Ino says.
“He can’t learn that now,” Iruka sounds annoyed, or maybe he’s just worried. “Are you alright, Sasuke-kun?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lie and ignore my stomach swirling with nervousness and gather up the reins again. Midori’s chewing the bit like it’s tasty.
“You know, Sasuke-kun,” Ino says thoughtfully. “If you go up another notch in speed from that one you tried there, it gets a lot more comfortable.”
“No,” Iruka says. “He can’t do the canter if he can’t do the trot.”
“It’s easier!”
“How do I do it?”
For some reason I’m desperate to try. I’m desperate to go faster, not because my stomach tries to tell me it might kill me or because Iruka doesn’t want me to, because I just want to go faster. I didn’t have time to feel the speed before, just the bumps.
“Sasuke…” Iruka begins but I cut him off.
“How?”
I turn Midori and Ino moves closer with Ursa. She shows me what to do with my hands, with my legs, with my weight. Iruka sighs, comes over and grabs onto the reins again.
“Are you trying to prove something with this?” He says and is serious. I don’t have to think before I answer, sincerely.
“No. I just want to.”
He looks sort of surprised at that. As if the idea that I could ‘just want’ something is weird. But then he smiles for some reason and lets go of the reins; he walks away and throws his arms out and mutters that at least I’m wearing a helmet.
What follows the beginning is the rest. When the world just moving and going about its business doesn’t shake us anymore, we want to make it move faster. We like that struggle, that chase for the balance we lost. We want to lose it, so we can fight to get it back. It’s like that saying is true, ‘you don’t know the true value of something until you’ve lost it.’
I like this speed, I like it very much. It tickles my stomach and chills my face and my hands. It makes my bangs fly and my body moves with the horse without me even trying. It’s like a fast and repeating wave that’s been glued to me. It’s unstable but still for some reason impossible to go wrong with.
I hear the wind in my ears and I hear the horse breathe. I hear the hooves against the ground.
My vision is blurred and I don’t think about anything.
.
.