A Thousand Miles

To Become What You Are Not


*still flashback*

"Naruto. If I said I could give you a purpose...would you want to stay alive? Even if you were still cold, but if you had a purpose...would life be worth living?" the older man asked gently, tentatively.

"Yes. Anything is better than a pointless, meaningless, hated and cold existence. It's the same as being dead, but with pain. I will do whatever you ask of me, as long as it's needed," I replied without hesitation. I felt a twinge of warmth coming from this man, and I was reaching desperately for it. It was my lifeline.

"Then, if I told you, we need a hunter nin, an assasin nin, a spy nin, and a perfect actor-- all rolled into one, to be the protector of Konoha-gakure. The people would need you without even knowing they needed you. Would you accept this task?" he asked me.
"All rolled into one?...Need me?" I asked slightly in awe. The people would need me? He would trust me to do this? Could I do this? I would. No matter what it took, I would.

"Yes, Naruto, all rolled into one. An all-purpose ninja. And people would definitely need you. But I warn you, they will know nothing of their own need. Are you still willing to accept this mission?" he asked, putting a slight emphasis on the word "mission".

"Yes! I do! I will train for this to my limit! I will do whatever you ask, Hokage-sama! You'll see, I'll be your perfect ninja. I'll be the best I can be, and I'll make you proud!" I exclaimed, not even knowing what all those kinds of ninjas were, but it sounded important. Sandaime trusted me, needed me, was calling for me, and I was ecstatic. I was almost as warm as I was last night. I don't need a kunai to my skin to feel warm. I could do with just my dear, Hokage-sama, and all would be well. I trusted him with my life. He was strong, I knew, and I would do anything now, to prove to him, that I could be just as good as anyone else. "Thank you, Hokage-sama! Thank you...thank you."

"Thank you for what, Naruto? Do not thank me until you have accomplished you goal. Then, when you have seen how far you made it, then see if it was worth it. Then thank me," he sounded...almost sad.

"Thank you anyway!" I bowed low to him.

"What for, Naruto?"

"For giving me a reason to live," I stated without hesitation.

"Mm, I see. Now rest, dear Naruto. You will need it soon enough. And I think you won't need those bandages anymore, you should be healed by now. I must go to a meeting of the Council, but I will be back soon. I want you to have some private training for your...goal. I will teach you personally. And Naruto?" I look up at him from unbandaging my arm. "You are not to tell anyone, ANYONE about your new goal, do you understand? It is absolutely necessary for you to keep this a secret. Do I make myself clear?" I nodded solemnly at him. He smiled, looking relieved, and came over to me and wrapped his arms around me, limbs in the way and all.

I flinched at the initial contact. I hadn't been touched like this by a human in...so long. I didn't remember the last time I had been touched and it wasn't a blow or a shove or an object beating me or being thrown at me. This was my first real human contact, and I was startled. I froze in shock for a few moments, but melted into the embrace soon enough, letting my arms tentatively snake their way around the old man's form. I clung desperately, and he let me. I fiercely held back the tears that were threatening to overflow. I clenched my teeth, and buried my face in the Hokage's chest, clenching my fingers in his robes, bandages half undone, hanging off of one hand. After a few long moments of just clinging in that embrace, he slowly, slipped away, and I reluctantly had to let him go. I understood that he had to leave, but I could not stop the single tear that slipped down my cheek.

"I'm sorry, Naruto," he whispered as he left. Had I not been so aware of him, I wouldn't have heard him. I wondered why he'd said that, perhaps for leaving and not staying in the hug, but...I would soon find out.

* * *
I perch atop one of the outermost trees of the thick forest that surrounds Konoha-gakure. I blink. I didn't even notice I'd gotten this far. The images flashing through my head were far more important than my surroundings at the moment. It was my first time truly reliving them. Kyuubi will act when I am endangered. I can afford to retreat for a little. The Kyuubi is strong. The Kyuubi doesn't want to die. It will protect its container. I chuckle bitterly. Of course it would. I let myself sink into my memories again.

* * *

Over the next week or so, while I was "recovering" I went through training that the other genins at the academy would never dream of going through. There are were many times when my young self could hardly take it, but I gritted my teeth and plowed through. I had a purpose to fulfill. I had a reason. I could do anything, as long as I clung to that pathetic excuse for a hope. It seemed like much, but it was only a bit harsher than what I would have been taught at the academy, and it was much faster. I was to act just as I had before, stupid and ignorant and most of all-- oblivious. The training would be just as intense, but not over such a long period of time as all day everyday for a week for a while, only when it was vacation time for the academy students. Otherwise, it was night sessions and days off. I kept training like a maniac, though fatigue slowly gnawed away at my core. It was what kept me going.

The training took longer than it would have had I only been training for it. It was close enough to done soon enough, though. I apparently learned fast and my infamous stamina came in handy for when I made mistakes and for short, but intensive learning sessions. The memorisation wasn't too hard. I was smart enough, I just didn't show it. I purposely wrote ludicrous answers on academy tests, just to amuse me and because I needed to keep my mask up. Sometimes, I joined Shikamaru and simply did not do the tests. And because I had begun academy schooling sooner than most of the children, I needed to fail the exams to make people believe I was a dead last idiot. Though pride got the best of me sometimes when people called me "dead last", I still managed to manipulate that into a part of my mask. My mask was perfect. Perfect because it was impenetrable, and it was flexible. That was important. It had to be able to change, in order to keep up with changing times and events. Otherwise, the rigidity would prove fatal in the end. I would be found out. It had to be consistent, but flexible. And it was exactly that: imperfection was the secret to its perfection.

*flashback pause* * *

I smirk slightly at the memory of how my perfect, impregnable mask had come to be. It had come in handy many times. Then I pale ever so slightly. I remember the times when I had most desperately clung to that mask, almost losing myself in it, to believe in it - because I couldn't bear the world at the time. The first few missions were hard, but not impossible and there was always a high risk of bloodshed, but the first few were the ones in which the Sandaime had meant for there to be minimal bloodshed. But the first mission never went as planned.

A/N: I was considering taking this entire part of the story out and rewriting it, but...let's see where this goes. I hope it's not too bad...-_-;;; Thanks again to all my warm reviewers and I hope not to disappoint you. Sorry this took so long to update. This is a work in progress? hehe. Until next time...