The Scheme

Disclaimer: Look at the first chapter.

The Scheme – Chapter 4 Lee-san’s Joyful Assistance

Sakura could not help but muse how more and more people were slowly getting stuck to her web of deception everyday. Some may be more voluntary than others but one can not be a true mastermind if all the participants were unwilling. Ninjas were a sneaky and crafty bunch of people, so their aid to her quest was most welcomed.

Today’s main objective was to seek out Lee-san. Sakura already dug her claws into him for weeks now, but she had to do some damage control for what happened yesterday. Not knowing the exact location of the Beautiful Green Beast part deux, she thought that seeking out the Beautiful Green Beast the original would help pinpoint where Lee-san would be.

Sakura purposely strode towards the jounin lounge in the Hokage Tower. Maito Gai would be expectedly there after having accomplished a mission he just received that morning. That strange man had an unnatural obsession for quickly completing missions with some peculiar exuberance then wait patiently for his eternal rival to appear in the jounin lounge to boast of his triumph.

“Hello Gai-san,” cheerfully announced Sakura. For several years, as she rose up in the ninja ranks, she dropped the sensei title for all the former teachers of the Rookie Nine and Gai-san with the exception of Kakashi-sensei, her endearing and somewhat aggravating mentor.

The green suited man offered her a dazzling smile exposing two rows of gleaming white teeth. “Ah Sakura. You are shining with the effervescence of youth.”

Giggling candidly but having no idea what was spewing out of the Green Beast’s mouth, Sakura just nodded. “Well… umm…. You look uh well too Gai-san.”

He flashed his signature grin and almost blindsided her with his sparkling white teeth. Giving her a thumbs up, he used his other hand and patted the sofa cushion next to him. “I know why you sought me out today Sakura. It seems that joyful news are at hand, and innocent love has blossomed into a beautiful and fragrant flower.”

“Well uh Gai-san, that is not what I’m here to ask you,” interrupted Sakura. She knew that once Gai went on a tangent, he rode it like a tsunami. Unfortunately for her, he caught the wave and was surfing to Snow Country by now.

“Of course I know why you are here. My spirits were dulled when I heard that you settled upon a suitor other than my cute Lee. But since you are enjoying the springtime of youth, I can not wholeheartedly reprimand you.”

“Yes, yes. That’s correct, but Gai-san –“

He swished his gleaming black hair and flashed another smile. “Oh yes, you are here to ask me an important question.”

Sakura eagerly took that the seat offered. Finally, she thought mentally, they were getting somewhere.

“Yes. I will do it.”

Scrunching up her eyebrows, Sakura asked, “What? Do what?”

He crossed his arms and nodded sagely as if he could decipher what was in her mind. “I will be your love-love mentor,” he spoke decidedly winking at her as if some secret arrangement had been agreed upon.

“EH?” Sakura was just baffled. ‘What the hell’s going on?’ screamed an inner Sakura to her outer stupefied self.

Unluckily for her, Gai would not give her a chance to recoup or even give her time to fully understand the cuckoo thoughts that were running amuck inside the black helmet he called hair.

“You Sakura are an innocent at the cusp of realizing the beautiful and confusing emotion called love. Love is a vast field of endless splendor that can be quite troubling for a novice like you. You will need guidance, and you have recognized my overt brilliance in matters involving the heart. My eternal rival can not possibly appreciate or comprehend such ideals, but I,” he announced as he stood up proudly with his glaringly bright teeth exposed, “am your shinobi of the intricate love-love connections between a man and a woman.”

Sakura wanted nothing more than smack herself for even attempting to speak to this man. Apparently, they were of two different minds – hers running properly and logically in Konoha and his skipping through fields of opium filled poppies. She stared at him incredulously while he ran off his mouth lecturing her about his convoluted tale of the birds and the bees.

“When these animals share the passion in the springtime of their youths, the bird will enthusiastically initiate the mating rites. Flapping the wings to attract his mate, the bird will first fly around the fields three hundred times and weave around the flowers two thousand times…….”

Sakura mentally noted to herself that Gai-san should be tested for drugs the next time he visits the hospital. She could not fathom how a simple hello on her part could lead him to believe that he will be her love guru.

“Once the stamina is established, the bird will then understand his potential. He will shine with the powers of alluring the bee. Once the bird is in sight, the bird will impress the fledging bee by vowing to defend her with his life……..”

‘Why? WHY?’ inner Sakura groaned pulling at her hair as outer Sakura’s face contorted into the most horrific expression. At least she now learned the origin of Lee’s odd flirting techniques. Obviously this atrocious tale was told once before.

“The bee will slowly begin to realize the power and the inner beauty the bird possesses…..”

Sakura swiveled her head to find an escape route. It was most unfortunate for her that she and Gai-san were the only ones in the lounge. She did not know how to handle this situation. Frankly, it was not something she could have possibly predicted.

A miracle had thankfully come her way at the most crucial moment. Gai-san’s story had reached its most disturbing climax. Kakashi-sensei was lazily strolling in the room with his eyes glued on his perverted Icha Icha book. Usually, Sakura may have balked at her sensei for casually appearing in public with his depraved book in hand, but today was another matter. He was a sight for sore eyes.

“Kakashi-sensei!” she yelled out jumping up and down in joy.

Being alerted to the arrival of his eternal rival, Gai ceased in his reverie of the sexual escapades between the birds and the bees. Quickly, he posed in his most Gai-esque posture with his hips tilted and arms positioned in odd angles. As usual, the hair gleamed unnaturally and the teeth shone intensely.

“What are you doing here Sakura?” asked Kakashi not bothering to look up from his book.

Before Sakura could answer, Gai-san loudly boasted, “Your student has discovered that I be more suited to instruct her on matters of the heart. I have bested you once again my eternal rival. The record stands at 106-105!”

Kakashi sluggishly lifted his head and tilted his head. “Oh, you were here too?”

Gai-san’s shoulders slumped as he mournfully cried out, “NOOOO!!!” He forcefully pointed his finger at his eternal rival. “You may have outwitted me with that cool response, but I will get even!”

While Gai spoke passionately, the gray haired ninja resumed reading his porn which riled up the eccentric man even more.

In the middle of the tirade, Kakashi interrupted, “the Hokage wanted to see me for another mission but it seems that I’m already booked so I –“

Gai ceased and hollered, “I will successfully complete this mission with my innate beauty and unrivaled skills.” With gusto, Gai began to sprint to the mission room when he stopped and turned his head to Sakura. “It seems that my shinobi talents are required so our meeting must be delayed. Fear not! Enjoy your springtime of youth and immerse yourself in the magnificence of love!” With more flashes of teeth, the Beautiful Green Beast exited the scene.

Sakura sat down and expelled out a deep breath. “Thanks Kakashi-sensei. I don’t know how you deal with it.”

Her sensei only shrugged while he continued reading. “You get use to it. And Sakura, if you want to know where Lee-san is right now, he is training in ground six.”

Sakura inwardly grimaced. Damn. No matter how dim witted the man appeared, he was sharper than any kunai produced. He definitely lived up to his title as a genius.

Wanting to prolong any interrogation, Sakura hopped from the couch and began to make her way to training ground six.

Kakashi-sensei smiled and said his farewells with an ambiguous “Be careful.”

As Sakura walked to confront Lee-san, she began to form plans on Kakashi-sensei. The “be careful” probably meant that he was on to her but he would not interject unless real harm resulted. That man was an expert on saying the most inane comments, but underneath the underneath, it held a treasure trove of meaning. Stupid ninjas and their stupid vagueness.

Sakura found Lee-san kicking a vertical log of wood. From the looks of the indentation caused by his kicks and the size of the log, Lee-san was probably at it continuously – as he was prone to do – for hours.

“Lee-san!” Sakura yelled to get his attention.

He immediately halted his training. Wiping his sweaty brows with his green sleeve, he offered her a polite smile and not the customary enthusiastic one.

Prepared with a bottle of water, she presented it to him with a conjured up Sakura smile of her own.

“Training hard I see. Don’t overdo it Lee-san.”

After gulping the water fiercely, he said, “Thank you Sakura-san, but you don’t need to worry about me.”

It should have been so easy to like Lee-san. He was faithful, determined, and polite. If she was not so in love with Sasuke-kun, she would have given Lee a chance, but her heart refused to budge from the position it lodged itself into when she was twelve.

“I just came by to thank you and tell you that I’m sorry about yesterday. I should have told you about Sai-kun.”

He visibly flinched but righted himself up. “It’s okay. As Gai-sensei said, the heart is a joyful thing to possess, and we should never question it.”

“Ah yes. Gai-san is perceptive.” Inner Sakura balked at Lee-san’s statement. ‘Gai-san is as perceptive about love as his understanding of fashion.’

“So how is Sai-san?” Lee asked being polite once more.

“I guess he’s all right. He’s a little rough around the edges, but he surprisingly has a soft center.”

“You are such an understanding person. If anyone can get through his hard exterior, it would be you.”

“I’m not quite sure about that,” Sakura added slyly.

Furrowing his fuzzy brows, he asked, “What do you mean Sakura-san?”

“Sai-kun has been my teammate for years, but I don’t know that much about him. Granted I may be closer to him than anyone else, but he’s like a mystery.”

“Aren’t you happy with him?”

Sakura smiled. The conversation was going according to plan. “Of course I am,” she giggled on cue, “but we only had two dates so far. I don’t know if I’m going to love him or marry him or anything. We may be too young for marriage but we are eighteen. I thought I should start dating, and Sai’s my teammate. I see him all the time, so it’s really convenient.”

As Sakura explained her reasons for dating Sai, she noticed the spark resurge itself in Lee-san’s black eyes. His polite smile was replaced with a more joyful one. Inner Sakura laughed riotously but a much nicer Sakura inside her mind kept urging her to find Lee-san someone who would appreciate him once her venture with Sasuke-kun was guaranteed.

Lee-san appeared to be lost in thought. He’s rounded eyes were gazed, his hands were twitching, and his smile was so wide, it threatened to take over his face.

“Oh, I also wanted to thank you about Sai-kun too,” Sakura spoke to get his attention. She couldn’t get Lee-san’s mind to reinstate his fixation on her.

“Thank me for what?”

“How kind you are with Sai-kun. I know that I asked you to befriend him a little bit more a couple weeks ago. It seems to be working.”

“I don’t think so. He runs away from me every time he sees me now.”

Sakura waved her hands in the air to refute his conclusion. “It is working. Getting a reaction out of him is getting closer to him. He used to be an empty shell, but he’s coming out of it more and more. Look at Naruto and him. Just like how Naruto and Sasuke-kun use to hate each other at first, they are starting out with hate too. But slowly and surely, they will become friends.”

“You really think so?”

“Sure. Sai and I did not start out well at first either.”

“Ah, I see.”

“And once you guys become friends, we can all hang out together more often. You know that training under the Hokage, tackling missions, and working at the hospital leave me so little time. If I want to spend time with my friends, then I would like to have Sai-kun get along with them,” she added innocently.

She waited for Lee-san to absorb everything through the thick shiny hair. Because subtlety was her forte, she hoped that it did not take too long for this unique man to come up with her intended deduction. Although Lee-san was less dense than his more delusional paragon or Naruto in social matters, he could never be considered the sharpest kunai in the pouch.

With what looked like a light bulb finally being switched on, Lee-san turned to her exuberantly. “I would like that very much. What more can I do?”

“Tell me what you have been doing to become friends?”

Lee appeared pensive – or what can be considered pensive for him – for a moment then replied, “I asked him out to eat every time I saw him. I tried to talk to him more and ask him about his day. I tried to give him a gift which he refused. I did everything you suggested.”

“Really?” asked Sakura acting surprised. “And it didn’t work?”

“No.”

“Hmmmm. Maybe you should be more assertive. And I’ll also talk to Sai-kun, okay?” she asked nicely.

“Thank you Sakura-san. You are a true friend.”

“No thank you Lee-san. You are a girl’s most faithful friend,” outer Sakura smiled. Inner Sakura snorted, ‘and a little dense too.’

After exchanging some pleasantries, Sakura left the training ground to head to the hospital for her rounds. She decided that she will truly find a nice girl who deserved Lee-san’s loyal heart. She had to alleviate the guilt for deceptively setting him up to chase Sai around town. With Lee’s earnest and obsessive tendencies, no wonder everyone thought Sai was gay. Besides, that bastard deserved it especially after groping her like that yesterday. Inner Sakura hollered, ‘Damn straight!’


A/N: Happy New Years! Got this done yesterday and looking over it right now. Obviously, I’m completely hammeredd so I prone to make tons of mistake. I thought about t to make it longer but I cant possibly write this stupid drunk.