Lost Moments

Lost Moments

By: Lynn Metallium

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything! I’m nothing but a poor little American girl who had to spend all of her money on college and therefore even if you sued me you wouldn’t get any money anyway. So please don’t get mad and hurt me Xx;;

Author Notes: You know where

Chapter 3

After all the words are said,

after all the dreams we made;

every one a precious one,

every one a summer sun…

The soft sounds of panting and lips meeting was the only sound in the Neji’s deathly quiet room. It had been like this for weeks, ever since that first day on the training grounds. Lee and Neji came every morning to train as if nothing had changed between the two yet every afternoon somehow they ended up somewhere tangled together in a writhing ball of hormone induced limbs. It was frankly starting to scare the green spandex wearing boy. It wasn’t that he hated the sex, although it did worry him how easily he took to something as foreign as sex with the man he had thought of as his rival all these years. No, it was more frightening how attached the dark haired boy seemed to be to the activities between them.

At first Lee had been able to tell himself that this was only a temporary thing, Neji would be back to himself in no time and Lee could go back to his Sakura chasing dreams. But then it became an every day activity and Lee found that he was just too kind-hearted to push the other away. It must be stressful, he told himself, to be forced into a loveless marriage and if he wants this with me…well who am I to say no? But now…well…the man was getting married tomorrow for god sakes and here he was whimpering softly beneath him instead of giving him words of advice on how to deal with his wedding night.

“Neji….” Lee’s voice seemed too loud for the silence that had been between them. Neji never wanted him to speak when they did these sorts of things. Perhaps if it had been under different circumstances, Lee would have protested because frankly being silent made him feel unappreciated and used. But let’s face it, he thought to himself, I am being used.

“Be quiet,” Neji pressed the smaller man down onto his bed, his hard eyes staring through him.

“Neji we can’t do this anymore-“ Lee managed to blurt out before Neji forced himself on top of him, silencing him with his mouth. Squirming wildly under the larger man, Lee managed to push him back. Neji might have had the taijutsu user beat when it came to most things, but when it came to physical strength Lee was always the winner.

“What the hell are you doing?” Neji hissed, his white eyes narrowing at the boy who was currently pushing him off. He needed this right now, who was Lee to tell him no!

“Neji,” Lee spoke softly, his hand grasping the front of his friend’s shirt. “You’re getting married tomorrow, haven’t you given any thought to the matter at hand? This cannot go on!”

“And why the hell not? I need this and you’re not complaining,” Neji’s eyes narrowed slightly as if a thought had just come to him. “Are you complaining?”

Lee hung his head in guilty silence. He wouldn’t have put it in those terms but yes…yes he was getting a little fed up with this. Not to mention the pain in his underside from daily misuse. Neji liked it rough and frankly, Lee would have preferred it not at all.

“Neji….Tomorrow you will be a married man. I cannot even start to hurt the beautiful Hinata in this way! Can you not imagine her sorrow if she only knew…?”

“I don’t love her,” Neji snapped as he rolled off of the other boy to burry his face into the blanket, his hand clenching into a fist. He needed to blow off some stress, why did Lee have to pick this time to be all, ‘Lee knows best’.

“You don’t love me either,” Lee replied in a soft tone. “That is why we must stop this and you must put all of your energies into making her the happiest woman on the face of this earth! Her heart should overflow with the joys of love and youth!”

Neji could only clench his teeth at the other man’s words. He didn’t want to hear about it. He didn’t even want to think of his younger cousin or the wedding or all of the duties that would suddenly be thrust upon his shoulders the moment the ceremony was finished. Couldn’t he just shut up and give him a tight place for release? That was the only thing he cared about now, was getting relief from all of the stress that had been slowly building up day after day. Hiashi had been extremely harsh with him this morning during training. The older man was now grooming the dark haired Branch house boy for taking over the clan and he would accept nothing less than perfection.

“Get out,” Neji hissed as he sat up and gave the green spandex wearer a not so gentle shove from the futon. Lee rolled across the floor a few inches before he managed to roll over onto his side and away from the other boy’s grasp, his eyes wide. He knew that the Hyuuga would be unhappy about ending their arrangements but he sounded furious.

“Neji…please, you must not let this get you down!”

“Don’t tell me how to feel,” Neji glared at the other man. “I told you before you will never understand something like this. Just get out. Now.”

Lee’s shoulders slumped slightly as he stared at the other man. This had turned badly very fast and he didn’t think arguing with the Hyuuga would do either of them any good. Climbing to his feet the other man turned to stare down at the furious white eyed man.

“I’ll be there…tomorrow morning…under the oak,” Lee murmured. “If you want to talk before…”

“I said get out!” Neji hissed. Lee recoiled quickly, he had never seen the other man so angry, so emotional, and it made Lee second guess his actions in the matter. Hesitating, he stared at the other for a moment.

“I don’t know your situation, you’ve said it yourself, but I know what it is like to be unloved. Your cousin has something good inside of her, but she’s frail and if you throw your anger at her like you do me, you will crush her. Don’t break her Neji, she doesn’t deserve that.”

Neji’s back stiffened yet his head was bowed so it was impossible to tell if any emotion had appeared on his usual blank face. Lee shook his head slightly as he slid back the sliding door and slipped outside into the hall, drawing the door back behind him. If Neji did not change, things would be ugly for the marriage. While it was true Lee had never had much contact with the younger female Hyuuga, only with her cousin, he knew that Hinata was a special girl. You could tell just looking at her that she held a certain light within herself, it was calming, sweet and beautiful. Lee always wanted to protect the light of innocent youth; it was his mission, second only to protecting his special persons. Yet he could only feel a sinking feeling inside himself that this mission would fail, as would the marriage between the two. It was such a certainty that it made Lee ache with fury that there was nothing he could do to stop it. He had thought that he could use their times of stress reducing sex to talk some sense into Neji, but there had never been time for words. When the euphoria faded away, so did Neji. He gathered himself up and disappeared from sight, leaving Lee alone and his behind aching. Sure his rival felt better but Lee only continued to feel worse.

“Neji I hope you come to your senses…” Lee murmured to himself. “Or you will destroy the light in her eyes…”


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The wedding came much sooner than Hinata would have ever liked, but then again, she would have preferred it not to come at all. She hadn’t seen her cousin around since the day she suspected him of watching her in the garden. Unfortunately that day hadn’t been the last time she had seen Kiba, who seemed to think that by showing up asking for her at least four times a week was going to help change her mind about the union between herself and her cousin. The last time she had sent him away, begging off with being ill. They had both known she was lying, but not a word was said about the incident and he hadn’t returned since.

Naruto too had never returned since that day, even when she had attempted to seek him out he had turned her away with a smile.

‘It’ll be nice I bet, to have someone to take care of you like that!’ He said in a cheery voice over ramen. ‘Bet you’re even eager to have a kid! They’re cute right? I bet it will look like you.’

She had been shocked by his words and had been unable to speak of her sorrow concerning the marriage. Instead she had stared down at the ramen gloomily as he spoke of all the nice things that must come with marriage. She knew he didn’t understand and he was just trying to be nice, but some part of her wished he would be cruel about it. Deny that it was even happening like Kiba and fight it until the very end. But Naruto seemed happy for her, which made things worse…she couldn’t even be happy for herself and yet he seemed to be all too pleased. It hurt.

Her maids had dressed her in the most beautiful finery this morning, shrinking back when Hinata had hissed at a young thing for touching the wraps that hid her arms. She begged it off, saying they were ugly training wounds and she did not want them disturbed. Her new style caused the wounds on her arms and soon all would be well. The maids had accepted her words with downcast, wary eyes. No doubt they were murmuring behind their hands that her words were not true. But Hinata could not care less. Who ever had time to listen to maid gossip was not worth speaking to in the opinion of most Hyuugas. The rumors of the young mistress’s wounds would die out before any distress could be taken.

“It is time, young mistress…they are waiting.” The sound of her maid’s voice broke through her saddened thoughts. She could feel the coldness spread through her heart as she steeled herself. The young Hyuuga heir wouldn’t allow them to see how they hurt her with this, no, not with the whole clan watching her. Any sign of weakness would be sprung upon and she would surely be torn apart.

When she appeared before them, her face was a blank as parchment and her white eyes stared ahead, refusing to meet the curious eyes that watched her every move. Not a whisper was spoken, but minds were abuzz with thoughts. Was Hiashi right? Would Neji be able to rule them all with such an iron fist and keep this woman child from rising into a position of power?

They all hated her, Hinata realized as she took small measured steps in her wedding kimono towards the main shrine of the Hyuuga compound. Every elder watched her with calculating eyes as if they knew things about her life she didn’t know. Somehow she knew the thought was true. Hiashi had probably informed them off all the details pertaining to her life after his death when he could no longer dictate to her. Even in death he would be pulling her strings.

Hinata’s legs shook as she approached the alter and her eyes flickering over the priest and the miko. They did not even meet her eyes. Stiffly, Hinata tucked her kimono beneath her herself as she knelt, her head bowed. She had entered first, being of the Main House, the better family member, Neji was somewhere behind her. The hairs on the back of her neck prickled as she felt him staring at the back of her head as he took his place. She did not turn to look at him as he knelt beside her, smoothing his own clothing beneath him. A cold feeling settled over her as she felt the servants carry her father to his place behind her. The sickness was eating him alive every day and he could no longer stand on his own. Most days he would sleep undisturbed but of course the stubborn bastard had to show his face on the day of her wedding. Heaven forbid something should go wrong. As if the elders would allow either of them to run away from this duty that had been set before them.

It broke her heart that her mother would never be able to see this day. She could not be roused from bed, not even acknowledging Hinata when she had gone to speak to her. Would that be herself one day? Dead to the world of the living, despite the breathes of air that continued to circulate her body. Her heart thudded hard in her chest despite how cold her body felt.

‘Please,’ She thought desperately. ‘Amaterasu…Hotei….Anyone who will listen to an unworthy woman’s prayer…If you love your devote daughter…please…save her from this misery and pain.’

Of course her prayers were in vain and she could feel the tears welling the corners of her eyes as the priest brought his staff above her head, the paper dangling from it making a slight crinkling noise in the silence. Yet she willed herself not to let the fall. She would not give her father nor the elders the satisfaction of knowing how deeply they dared to wound her. One day, she thought, one day you will all be dead and I…I will be the ruler.

When the miko handed her the cup of sake, Hinata’s hands were shaking so hard she could not even hold it. Neji reached over smoothly, despite the vicious glare from Hiashi behind them and steadied it in her hands. Yet Hinata refused to meet his eyes and after taking a deep breath pulled herself away from him. She could not look weak. Not today.

Raising the still shaking cup to her mouth she took three sips before handing the cup to Neji, her snow white eyes finally flickering up to meet his for the first time in months. His face was as blank as hers, yet she could see the small tick of fury burrowed in his brow. The young man was displeased, and for a moment she wondered if it was her fault for pulling away. Their fingers brushed as she handed him the cup and her eyes fell away, unable to look into his face any longer.

After sharing the sake with her cousin, the rest of the ceremony seemed like a blur to her. They exchanged vows and rings were placed upon fingers, Hinata trying to ignore how much both of their hands were shaking as they did the deed. No kisses were ever exchanged in such a wedding, in fact Hinata suspected her father did not want to have to witness such a sickening thing. This was not a marriage for love, this was for the sake of the clan and it really had nothing to do with them or their feelings in the matter. The only thing required of them was the thing Hinata feared with every fiber of her being. Tonight…they would begin the long process of attempts to bear a son.


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Neji’s heart was thudding so hard against his chest he thought he was about to die as he pressed his back against the door. The room was dim, lit only by a few candles scattered around the room and everything smelt strongly of incense. He could barely make out the outline of another, his innocent cousin, laying on the bed. Neji swallowed and nearly choked with nerves. How could they want him to do this to her? Never even in his nightmares had he ever thought to take his cousin like this. He didn’t want to admit to himself that he not even be able to function at all in his state of mind.

Pushing himself away from the door, he took a step into the room, forcing his rubbery legs to cooperate. He had to do this. Somehow the gods had been merciful enough to them, to spare her from marriage to one of the elders. Someone Neji would have never been able to protect his cousin from. They would have taken her and left her empty as a corn husk.

‘What else can I do?’ Neji thought bitterly, ‘Somehow…I must protect her from myself.’

Narrowing his eyes in the dark, he felt the veins around his eyes swell. Was that really his cousin there or a mere trick of the light? With the Byakugan he could see her outline clearly and nearly cursed in sudden fright at the way her young body laid there, the veins shrinking away faster than they had come. The dark haired youth closed his eyes, but he could still see her body, the image was burning into his brain. She was not naked, but the thin cloth left very little to imagination. It was only there to heighten male arousal, like unwrapping a Christmas present, eager to see what was underneath.

Neji’s mouth was suddenly very dry as he stood there, unable to speak. He wanted nothing to do with this young girl laying on the bed, waiting for him to take her as any man would take his wife.

‘I’m afraid,’ Neji thought with horror. ‘I’ve never been afraid in my life. I have faced men that would have made others cry for their mothers, and yet I have met them with a smirk on my face.’

Yet all it took to make him quiver with the foreign emotion was the thought of taking his cousin. His mind jerked with thoughts and memories, her sweet shy smile at him, the first time he had seen her...what a cute child…and yet…the hate that had grown. How dare she have something he didn’t! It had taken so much to make him lose that hate that festered for years in his heart.

‘I was promised to protect you…’ Neji’s mind whispered. ‘But now I will be the one to hurt you?’

“I cannot do this,” He spoke, his voice sounding much too loud in the quiet little room. Bowing his head to hide his face, he clenched his hands into fists. “I will not do this.”


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Hinata stared out at the rain from her mother’s window, her eyes dull and her face emotionless. Pressing her hand against the cold pane, she fancied she could feel the drops trailing down her skin instead of the glass.

It had been almost five months since her wedding night. They had lit her father’s funeral pyre the next day. The court physicians said that he had used too much energy to attend the wedding, he should have never gone. Hanabe had been in mourning for some time over the loss of their father but Hinata had not shed a tear since her wedding night. It should have never hurt her as much as it had, in fact she should have been relieved that Neji refused to take her. Yet it only made her ache.

Flashback:

All was so silent in the room, Hinata laid there, her body stiff as death as she watched her cousin... her husband… stand there at the foot of the futon bed. Why wouldn’t he speak to her? The dark haired girl resisted the urge to squirm around uncomfortably. The only time she had ever worn something so reveling was the one time Kiba, Shino and herself had gone to the beach and they had forced her to wear a bathing suit. It had been the most uncomfortable day of her life.

“I cannot do this,” When he spoke, she had nearly jumped in surprise at the sound of her cousin’s voice sounding so forlorn. “I will not do this.”

Neji turned from her, his back stiff as he started back towards the door. Hinata had jerked up to a sitting position and stared after him, her eyes wide in horror.

“Wait!” The cry escaped her trembling lips as she reached out, as if to reach for him. She couldn’t touch him, he was much too far away but she didn’t want him to leave. Neji to his credit stopped, his hand on the sliding door, awaiting her words.

What did he mean, he could not do this? He meant to leave her? He would not…Hinata’s mind was in chaos. Half was crying in joy that she would go free this night. Her lips had never been touched and he would allow them to remain that way. The other half of her mind though, was screaming in alarm.

“You mean to bring us to ruin and cause me such shame?” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but she knew he heard her.

“I would bring you to ruin if I touched you, how is it that I bring you to shame if I leave this room?” Neji spoke in a cold voice, still refusing to turn around and look at her.

“They will know Nii-san…” Hinata couldn’t keep herself from sounding incredulous that he wouldn’t know such a thing. “They will know I have not been touched.”

Neji said nothing as he stood there, but it was obvious he was furious from the way his shoulders tensed up and caused him to hunch forward.

“So don’t let them know,” He snapped. “Or are you really a desperate whore who needs her cousin’s touch?”

Hinata jerked back at his words, her eyes wide. It hurt, she wouldn’t deny that, but she tried to write off his words. They were both frightened and they would say things they did not mean. Neji had not truly attempted to hurt her since those days of their youth long ago. It was merely his nerves speaking she argued to herself. Yet she couldn’t hold back a sniffle as she clutched her hand to her breast.

“You would think so low of me then? When I try to save us from shame you call me such names. When they come in, they will see no blood upon these sheets. When they spread my legs, they will see no eel has visited my cave. Shameful woman who cannot please her husband, they will say! Do you want them to say these things to me!”

Hinata tried not to cry as she spoke. She did not want him to touch her! But oh what would they say if she came out of this room without the blood of truth on the white wedding sheets. If they had not started the process of creating an heir... there would only be pain for her. Neji would be excused, everyone knew that if a man laid with a woman and could not bring himself to enter her, it was surely her fault for being the poor lover. If she could not hold her man’s interest or make him happy, then she was not a worthy woman.

“Let them say what they will. I have no desire to touch you.”

“You would do this to me?” Hinata stared at him with horror. “You would disgrace me forever? Can you not pretend for a moment that you desire me!”

Neji turned to stare at her, his eyes ablaze with fury. Stalking across the room he flung himself upon her, pressing her down into the bed as he grasped her slim wrists with such a painful grasp that she whimpered and tried not to squirm at the feeling of his flesh digging into her covered wounds.

“I cannot believe that you would want me like this,” He hissed softly in her face and Hinata cringed.

“If I am truthful,” She stuttered. “I do not want you at all.”

“Then why do you demand these things of me! When I say I cannot touch you like this I cannot! You demand that I hurt you but my heart will not allow this! Can’t you accept that! I am bound to protect you, so…for the love of god Hinata-sama, let me protect you!”

Hinata let out a sob as she turned her face from him, refusing to look into her cousin’s furious eyes.

“Don’t you know then? You must hurt me if you want to protect me…Neji I am strong…I will do what I must for this clan...”

Neji stared down at her, tightlipped with anger. He didn’t want to admit that she was right, that what they did was not for themselves. It did not matter to any of the other clan members if he hurt the younger Hyuuga or not. All they cared about was that the matter was done. She was so forgiving…she would allow them to hurt her like this, if only to please them. That was why…he could not hurt her.

“Then I am the weak one,” He spoke with cold anger yet he loosened his grip on her. “I do what I do for myself, I care not what the clan demands of me. I will not hurt you for them. You refuse to let me save you!”

“How…” Hinata whispered. “How will you save us from this then?”

A silence fell over them, the only sound was Neji’s harsh breath as he leaned over her.

“You will make it a decree…No man nor woman may look upon you…” Neji spoke slowly. “You will not be looked upon for your husband is a jealous man of all and he only wants you for himself.”

Hinata stared at him with wide eyes. Could she even do such a thing? Would people accept her word?

“Will they allow me to do this?” She murmured. She didn’t want to doubt him if it could save them…then she would do whatever he said.

“You are marked heir, your word is law,” Neji pulled himself from on top of her, hovering over the foot of the bed as he reached to his pouch, producing a kunai in his hand. Hinata nearly screamed in horror when he swiped the sharp weapon over his arm and the brilliant red blood bubbled forth.

“Nii-san-!“ She tried to speak but he shoved her out of his way with his free hand and pressed his wrist to the bed, marking the white sheets with the crimson blood. Hinata stared at him in horror.

“This is a small price to pay to hide a lie and a secret cousin…”

End Flashback

His words still rang uncomfortably in her ears. It was a secret they had been keeping together for the past five months and words were starting to spread that there was something wrong with her.

“Mother,” She spoke finally. “I always come to you when I am in trouble…I always say I do not know what to do…and yet I find a way to escape my problems. This time though…I fear there is no escape.

“I must produce an heir…but mother…I must tell you a secret…I have denied my husband… he tells me…” Hinata paused, her voice cracking with pain. “He has no desire of me… I know I have no desire for him, I love another…but is this normal? A man loves any warm place…this is what I hear…So why…?”

Hinata hung her head, pressing her forehead to her mother’s shoulder. She did not want her cousin, no more that she had wanted him on their wedding night. There was only one man who haunted her dreams and it was not her cousin.

“I must put my mind at ease mother…Perhaps if I can put this other man from my mind I will be able to put my mind to other uses.”

It was not her choice, to want another life. It was not her right to want happiness in her life. A woman of the clan did not deserve it, she was a mere tool of men’s lust and desire for power. Just as many women before her, Neji had been married to her to place him in a place of power. Despite the fact that she was the one named heir, he went to all meetings and handled all political aspects of the clan. It was as her father had wanted.

“I will take my leave and go to ease my troubled mind now…tomorrow I will return to tell you if I have relieved myself of these worries…”

Hinata stood from her spot at the side of her mother’s bed, bowing slowly as if it mattered to her unresponsive mother if she did so or not.

One day, she thought bitterly, if I am like you, I would have comfort in knowing at least one of my daughters cared for me if no other did…


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Naruto gripped the chopsticks tighter between his fingers as he slurped away at the bowl of noodles in front of him with obvious joy. There were few things in this life he loved more that ramen. The others included a good spar, soaking in the hot spring post a good spar and…someone he preferred not to name. It was good day when the day included all of the above with a bowl of ramen at the end. It was even better when that certain person paid for the ramen.

A chuckle escaped his mouth between the noodles as he thought about that. However…it had been a long time since someone had bought him noodles and that though sobered him back up as he ate.

So lost in his thoughts he didn’t notice the dark haired girl approach him until she was right next to him and reached out to touch his arm to get his attention. Glancing up, his mouth filled with noodles he smiled so brightly his face looked like one big grin.

“Hinata-chan!” He spoke around the noodles but the words came out rather slurred. Quickly he slurped them up and gave her a sheepish grin as he rubbed his mouth on the back of his hand. “What are you doing here?
The dark haired girl blushed as she slid onto the seat next to him, her eyes fixed on the counter for some time before she spoke.

“I…I was looking for you,” She said, shooting him a nervous glance from under her lashes. Naruto stared at her in confusion at her words. She was…looking for him? Tilting his head to the side he regarded her with a questioning look.

“What were you doing that for huh? He gave an innocent laugh as he rubbed the back of his head.

Hinata flushed and Naruto assumed it was just from his over eager reaction. Truly he was surprised that she would be seeking him. He hadn’t seen her since her wedding. They had all been there but there had been no reception post wedding for anyone to speak to the two newly weds. It had been the most curious wedding he had ever seen, no one looked happy to be there and for the life of him he didn’t know why.

“There are some things… on my mind…” Hinata spoke slowly as if she was thinking out every word she said. It was something Naruto himself never really did so he didn’t understand the need to be so hesitant.

“Oh yeah? But what does that have to do with me?” He asked with an innocent grin. The blonde felt his face hurt from the forced smile. It worried him that she was here saying such things. He worried what she would say in the minutes to come.

“The things on my mind concern you,” Hinata half smiled at his “stupidity” concerning the matter. Obviously the things she had to say concerned him why else would she have spent the time to hunt him down. Not that it had been a hard thing, if he wasn’t on a mission he could only be three places, training, sleeping or eating.

“Me?” Naruto smiled in a rather silly fashion despite the suspicion pooling in the pit of his stomach as to why she was here. Hinata only nodded as the two fell silent, nether of them really sure what to say.

Naruto’s eyes flickered over the old man behind the counter who was pretending to fill a pitcher of ice water, yet it was obvious he was attempting to listen in to whatever juicy gossip he could get concerning the Hyuuga girl.

“Mah old man! Mind your own business!” Naruto yelled, unnecessarily loud as he grasped the dark haired girl’s arm, leaving his money on the table for his ramen. Pulling her gently away from the stand, the blonde shot her a sweet smile. Naruto did not stop until he had reached the edge of the training grounds, the concern as to what he would say to her burning in the bottom of his stomach.

“Now!” He announced grasping her hands in his own, silly smile on his lips as he attempted to hide his uncertainty. “What is it you need to tell me?”

“Naruto I…” Hinata trailed off, her voice breaking slightly. “I…I have to tell you…that I…I really…l-l-..love….”

“I know,” Naruto interrupted softly. It was hard for him to see her like this and he didn’t want to let her flounder around. If he could save someone else the pain he would. “Someone said… that you cared about me.”

Hinata fell silent, staring at the ground as if she could sear a hole through it if she stared hard enough. Her cheeks were burning with embarrassment and Naruto knew the silence from the shy girl was affirming what he had said

“Hinata-chan…I…” Now he was the one floundering. He had hoped that she would violently deny it and run away and life could continue as it always had. Yet she was still there, standing across from him in miserable silence.

“I know…I am a married woman now,” Hinata murmured from behind her curtain of hair. “And I know…these feelings…they shouldn’t exist.”

Naruto fell silent, rarely in his life had he been so silent. It was one of the few times in his life he didn’t know what to say.

“Just please…tell me what I should do!” Hinata’s voice cracked as she reached out to touch his shoulder. “How can I forget this? I’ve tried-…”

“I don’t know…” Naruto’s face was blank as he stared at her. It hurt him to hurt her yet…what could be done in a situation like this. “I wish…there was something I could do…”

“Tell me,” Hinata lifted her eyes to stare him in the face. It was perhaps the first time she had ever had the courage to look at him so. Reaching out, she touched his cheek with a shaking hand. “Do you care for me? Even in the smallest…”

A blush spread across the tan man’s face as he quickly grabbed her hand to pull it away from his face. Hinata’s eyes widened at his actions.

“I…cant…I wont lie to you, you’re too sweet of a person. You’ve been my friend all these years. Even when no one would look at me, you would smile when I walked by, I don’t know if you know what that has meant to me. But I…” Naruto struggled to think of the words. He wasn’t good at these sorts of personal things, he was good at being loud, obnoxious and eating ramen like nobodies business. How could he tell her without hurting her… “I can’t care for you, not that way.”

“A-ah…” Hinata clutched the bottom of her shirt, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall down her cheeks. She had expected so much, but it still hurt.

“My heart belongs to another Hinata…I-I’m sorry!” Naruto suddenly blurted.

Hinata froze at his words.

“Who…? Does she…” The dark haired girl swallowed hard. “Does she care for you too…?”

Naruto was silent as he hung his head in shame. He should have never told her that but he had been unable to keep it to himself. She had the right to know, but it didn’t mean he had the right to break her heart like this.

“I don’t know…I’ve never asked,” He replied with a sad smile. “It’s a secret, you know? I don’t think they even know I exist sometimes!”

“Then you and I have something in common…” Hinata spoke softly as her fingernails dug through the fabric of her shirt in her effort to keep from falling to pieces in front of him

“That isn’t true!” Naruto protested. “I’ve seen you! All these years! I know you are alive Hinata! Please…don’t put so little faith in me! Don’t be like everyone else who doesn’t believe in me at all! I know you’re different so please don’t change! I just…what do you say when you know you can’t care for a person like you should? What could I say? I thought…I thought it was better I say nothing! Was I wrong?”

“No…” Hinata let a small disappointed sigh escape between her lips. “It was not wrong that you did not get my hopes up. You did the right thing.”

“For once!” Naruto gave her the same bitter smile as before. “Sasuke says I can never do anything right! One day…when I get him back, and he realizes me, I’ll make him see, I can do things right! I’ll make him see my existence you know?”

Hinata stared at him with a look of dawning realization. There was no other woman….she should have known. The other he cared for…Was none other than the ice prince. Sasuke never looked in Naruto’s direction, he didn’t even care enough for their meager friendship to refuse the offer of the devil. Turning his back on his village, turning his back on Naruto most of all. It was common knowledge that the blonde haired boy slept, ate and breathed how to get his dark haired comrade back from the serpent. Just how far that desire to get Sasuke back went, no one had actually known.

“One day…he will look at you Naruto…” A tear slid down the girl’s pale cheek. It felt as if someone had stabbed her in the chest and was twisting the blade back and forth and yet…she loved him. There was nothing else to do but admit defeat. “And he will see what I see. He will feel how I feel.”

Naruto nearly choked at her words, his face turning a brilliant red as he stared at her.

“N-no! I mean…you have it all wrong! I mean…” He trailed off, embarrassed for being so uncooperative when she was feeling so hurt. “I mean…don’t worry about these things ok? Neji is a good guy! He won’t let anything happen to you…you know?”

Hinata nodded in sorrow. She couldn’t speak up to say that she and her cousin were not getting along, that he found no desire in her at all. It wasn’t something she could talk about with the blonde.

“And you know, if he doesn’t-“ Naruto grinned, smacking his fist into his open palm. “Tell him I’ll kick his ass again!”

Hinata gave a soft broken laugh at his words. It wouldn’t please her cousin to hear it and she had no intentions of telling him but it was nice to know that he cared about her wellbeing, even if it wasn’t the way she wanted him to.

Reaching out Naruto grasped her by the shoulders and pulled her close to him in a hug. He could feel the dark haired girl freeze for a moment then melt with a small sob against him. Stroking her hair awkwardly, Naruto tried to comfort her.

“Don’t cry…you know…Things are going to work out for you! Even if you’re unhappy now…they’ll get better!”

It was hard to be optimistic about these kinds of things. He had always told himself when he was younger today is the day, when people won’t hate me! But when he walked the streets, it was just as bad as the day before. Yet he continued to tell himself, today is the day! Eventually he had stopped telling himself that things would get better. When he stopped hoping for it, it was better…he didn’t expect things that couldn’t happen. Somehow he wished the words would help her more than they had helped him.

Sliding his hand under her chin he tilted her head up to smile softly at her as the dark haired girl regarded him with teary milk white eyes. Leaning down he pressed his lips against hers in a sweet chaste kiss. It lasted only a few minutes but it was enough to seal the deal. They were friends. They could never be anything more.


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Hanabi glanced up when her sister slid open the door to her room, the room she shared with Neji now, whenever he decided to show up for the night and pretend to have his way with her.

Startled, Hinata stumbled in the doorway, her eyes flickering over the form of her younger sister. She hadn’t been around much lately. Since father’s death she had been searching for someone to take over her training. Hinata did not know if she had been successful or not. It was better though, when the younger Hyuuga decided not to be around.

“What are you doing here?” Hinata murmured softly, her eyes downcast. “I’m tired, please leave.”

“Want to know a secret sister?” Hanabi’s smirk made a cold shiver run up the older girl’s spine.

“No…please leave.” Hinata repeated, tightening her grip on the doorframe.

“I know a secret though,” The younger girl insisted, standing from her place on the futon bed. “Let me tell you.”

“Please…Hanabi…I don’t…” Hinata bit her lip as she lifted her eyes to watch her sister with wary eyes. “I don’t want to know!”

“Today I saw a woman,” Hanabi started. “She was in mother’s room. Do you know what she said?”

Hinata didn’t reply, her heart lurching uncomfortably in her chest. What…what had her sister heard her say?

“She said, mother,” The young girl pitched her voice up as if she were mimicking someone else. “’Let me tell you a secret. I have denied my husband I know I have no desire for him, I love another!’ Oh! I said to myself, this is horrible! So do you know what I did?”

“No…Hanabi…stop this…please…”

“I followed her out into the streets. Do you know what I saw?” Hanabi took a step forward, her eyes gleaming. “I saw her kiss another man!”

The slap to her face was so sudden that Hinata let out a cry, falling to her knees.

“Whore!” Hanabi snapped. “I saw you!”

“You cannot say a word Hanabi! I am begging you!”

“Do you think you can buy my silence? I tell you that I will not stand by and be idle while you drive this clan into the ground.” Hanabi clenched her fists, hissing softly. “The elders will know. I will not be silent!”

“It is not what you think! Please!” Hinata struggled to her feet. Hanabi grasped her by the front of her shirt. She was frighteningly strong as she pulled the older girl to her feet, slamming her back against the wall and pressing her there until they were nose to nose.

“I will have this clan. It will belong to me…and I will feed you to the birds older sister. They will eat out your lying eyes!”

Hinata slumped to the floor as her younger sister released her, leaving her to the dead silence of the room.

“Why…” She moaned softly. “Why…”

A broken sob escaped in the room as she reached for the knife.


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Notes:

Hinata and Neji shared a Shinto wedding, just in case you didn’t catch that. I don’t know much about the wedding process but I did the best with what I could remember.

Amaterasu - Shinto sun goddess, ruler of the Plain of Heaven.. She is the central figure in the Shinto pantheon and the Japanese Imperial family claims descent from her.

Hotei - One of the the seven Japanese Shinto-gods of luck. Hotei is the god of happiness and laughter and the wisdom of being content. He is the patron of the weak and the children.