Where is God?

“Where is God?”
By: Innerchild

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and co.

Pairings: main Sasuke and Naruto
Others

Warning: nothing really… just angst… lots of it. Also, I don’t know if gays and lesbians are allowed to adopt in the state of North Carolina. I keep on finding either nothing, or yes, or no for different websites, so I’m just gonna put that I don’t know. If anyone DOES know for a fact, then please let me know. I’d greatly appreciate it.

“Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.”

-Albert Einstein

Chapter four
Drifting

Sasuke almost let out a sound close to a growl as he was interrupted, but didn’t move away from the blonde at the voice. He looked to his right and saw a boy with white eyes and long dark hair pulled back in a tail. Naruto on the other hand pushed the Uchiha away slightly, a blush staining his cheeks. Sasuke gave him a look.

“W-what does he want?”

“Something about a homework assignment you said he could borrow. I’ll tell him you’re a bit busy at the moment, though,” he said before walking off, not paying attention to Naruto as he told him to wait.

“Shit,” Naruto cursed as he watched him leave.

“What’s wrong?” The other boy asked. It wasn’t that he was concerned, more like he was angry at being pushed away like that.

“That’s Neji… one of my friends. I kind of… um…”

“Like him?” Sasuke supplied. He could see that he felt something for the other boy by the way he looked at him and blushed like a stuttering school girl.

Naruto just nodded his head. Sasuke felt something close to jealously rise up in him, but he ignored it.

“So? It doesn’t mean that we can’t still do this.” And without words, he showed him what he meant by “this”. Or he had planned to, but the blonde pushed him away again.

“We should get out there now. And you haven’t even dressed out yet. So go change clothes and I’ll see you out there.” Naruto told him as he moved out of the way and went into the gym.

Anger started to well up inside of the raven-haired boy. He had just been pushed away twice by the one person he even considered close to a friend, if Sasuke could even call him that. And he didn’t know what pissed him off more, Naruto pushing him away or liking someone else.

The more he thought about it though as he pulled on his gym clothes, the more his anger dissipated. He was still mad that he had been pushed away, but it’s not like he was in a relationship with the boy. He didn’t want to be. And the only things he wanted from him, he could get without ever having to be in one.

So, with that thought in mind, he entered the gym and stood in his spot as the teacher did roll check. All during class though, he found himself staring at the blonde.

XXXXX

Zabuza walked into the teacher lounge, his favorite mug in his hand. He was about to refill his cup of coffee when he saw a teen in the room.

“Excuse me? Are you allowed in-”

A boy with long brown hair turned around, a clip board in his hands. His brown eyes watched Zabuza with amusement.

“Yes sir. I’m allowed in here.”

“Haku? What the hell are you doing here now?” The teacher asked in a hushed whisper.

“He’s with me.” Another voice said behind Zabuza. Said man turned around and stared at his silver haired colleague.

“He’s earning hours for his European History class by working as a student teacher for me.” Kakashi told him.

“… oh…” Zabuza said dumbly.

“And if you don’t mind, I need to borrow him for a moment.” Kakashi said as he put both hands on his shoulder’s and directed him out the door. Haku waved disinterestedly back at Zabuza as they left.

The U.S. History teacher stared after them, not noticing the tight grip he had on his mug.

XXXXX

It wasn’t too late in the evening, but it was steadily getting colder. Even though it was the end of September, the weather liked to play tricks on its residents of North Carolina. A few days ago it had been hot as hell and now it was close to freezing.

Zabuza felt like he needed a walk. So, even though he could see his breath in front of him and feel his fingers going numb in his pockets, he still trudged down the sidewalk.

He was thinking about what Haku had told him a few days ago. About him not letting go of his past and moving on. It bothered him to know that this… kid could read him so easily. Not even his ex-wife could have interpreted him like that. But then again, he hadn’t really given her the chance.

“Excuse me sir, may I ask you a couple of questions?” A voice asked, pulling him away from his thoughts.

Zabuza looked up and found himself staring into a pair of light gray-blue eyes. Black plastic frames outlined his eyes and rested on his nose as dirty blonde hair fell into his face. The man pushed his glasses further up his nose as he looked at Zabuza.

“… sure.” He said distractedly. This man looked… very familiar.

“Have you heard of the bill they’re trying to pass here? About homosexuals being able to adopt children?”

He nodded his head slowly. Something akin to guilt worked its way up his throat as he knew where this was going.

“Are you for it or against it?”

Zabuza’s hands tightened in his pockets. He didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t really thought about it, thinking that it didn’t concern him. It wasn’t like he wanted to have any kids, and he especially wouldn’t be able to have any of his own now. So adoption would be his only choice if he did change his mind… but he had never even considered it. Therefore, what did his opinion matter?

“I don’t have an opinion on the matter.” He muttered before walking off. With every step he took, he felt the guilt pounding inside of him. Zabuza didn’t know why he felt this way. He hadn’t done anything wrong.

So why did it feel like he was being torn from the inside out?

XXXXX

'He was walking down the same unlit hallway. The sobs breaking through the door as he came to a stop in front of his parent’s room. He opened the door and saw it all again. The gun, the blood, his father’s body, and his hysterical mother. The bile pushed its way up inside of him again and he emptied his stomach in the doorway.

With each step his mother took towards him, he took one back. When his back hit the wall behind him, he realized he couldn’t go back anymore. Maybe he should try to go to the side this time. It was just a dream after all. If he couldn’t wake himself, like he always tried to, then maybe he could change it.

Except, it wasn’t just a dream. He couldn’t change something that had actually happened.

Sasuke was frozen in place as his nightmare went further this time. His brother was dragging their mother down the hallway now, her legs kicking out spastically at anything in reach. The boy slid down the wall as her screams were cut off abruptly, another noise close to gasping filling his ears. Through the darkness, he could see nothing, but heard something splatter against the floor.

Sasuke stood up. His legs working without even thinking about it. He walked towards the living room. His eyes adjusted to the dark surroundings and found two figures on the floor by the bookcase. He stepped towards them, but stopped when something fell from the hand of the one sitting up and moved towards him.

It rolled over the carpet and came to a stop at his feet. Sasuke peered down at it. His legs began to tremble as he fell back onto the floor. A pair of black eyes stared up at him in a pleading manner. But there was nothing he could do now. One of his legs kicked out, sending his mother’s head back across the room. He rose from the floor and ran out of the room and through the back door.

Sasuke ran through the woods, tree branches hitting his face and scratching his arms and legs. But he didn’t stop. He couldn’t. He broke out of the wooded area and stepped right in front of a truck. The vehicle swerved around him as the driver slammed on his brakes.

A man jumped out of the truck, walked up to him, and grabbed him by the front of his shirt. A fist was put up threateningly in front of his face, but he just blinked at it. He couldn’t really see it.

All he could see were those begging eyes.'

Sasuke didn’t move when he woke up. He just lay there and blinked up at the ceiling. His mind replayed his dream again without him willing it. What did it matter anyway? Whether he saw it when he was awake or asleep, it was always the same thing.

He clutched the extra pillow in his arms tighter as he wished for something to block out the darkness that was slowly taking hold of his mind. He could feel it eating away at his insides but couldn’t stop it. He didn’t know how too.

The dark haired boy fell into an uneasy sleep, his murky dreams blending in with ones filled with something warm to the touch. He didn’t know what it was, but it made his entire body tingle. Even down to the blue depths he stared into.

XXXXX

Sakura fell back onto the floor, her elbows breaking the fall. She winced and sat up, rubbing her throbbing elbows. Something wet rubbed against her fingers and she looked down. Small specks of blood peeped out on her elbow, making Sakura turn to stare down at the crack in the wooden floor that she had fallen onto.

Her dad looked down at her, a sign of surprise on his face at what he had just done. Nevertheless, it was quickly wiped from his face as he made his way into his room and shut the door behind him.

Sakura looked after her dad, wondering what she had done to make him so mad. She had always known from a young age to never make him angry. No matter what. His temper was one that surpassed her own, and she had learned not to get on his bad side.

Of course, this was the first time in a long time that he had actually hit her. Well, shoved her was more like it. He had smacked her once when she was eleven so hard that she couldn’t go to school for the rest of the week, fearing that someone would get suspicious of the dark knuckle imprinted bruise on her cheek. After that, he had never hit her again. Although, things were different now. He had lost his job and when he actually came home, he was either drunk or hung over.

Sakura wondered for more than the first time how she could keep going to her school. It wasn’t cheap. And even though she had gotten accepted by her high grades, it still cost a good bit of money.

So where were they getting the money for this?

The pink haired girl stood up and walked into her room. She closed the door quietly behind her and locked it. Her feet traveled across the wooden floor and stopped in front of her bed. Sakura kneeled down and took a shoe box from under it and sat against the bed frame as she opened the box.

Even though the light wasn’t on in her room, she knew the contents by memory. By touch. Her hands lightly brushed over a few pictures, two birthday cards, and a thick red ribbon. She pulled the ribbon out and wrapped it around her fingers, idly playing with it as jumbled memories ran through her mind.

She wished that she could remember her mother. Sakura only knew a few things about her, vaguely remembered a distorted face framed by pink locks, and the sad expression it always held. She always wondered why her mom looked like that. Even though she died when she was two years old, she had never recalled any memory of her mother with a smile on her face. Even the few home videos she had with her mother on them, she never saw her looking happy.

Sakura clutched the ribbon that her mother gave her in her hands and let out a silent sob.

XXXXX

Hinata stared outside of her window. The backyard was dark. Sinister clouds were blocking out the little moonlight that there was. After a few more minutes of star gazing, she turned around and picked up the picture on her dresser. The wooden frame held a picture of herself hanging from a tree branch at her grandparent’s house, the family dog in the background, and her dad standing below her with his hands outstretched in case she fell.

She smiled sadly at the picture.

Tears started to prick at the side of her eyes, but she closed them and reprimanded herself. No, she wouldn’t cry. Not again. Her tears would do nothing to change the past.

With a sigh, she put the picture down and looked away from it.

No matter how much she wanted things to go back to the way they were, she knew that they wouldn’t. And it was her fault. She knew it. No matter what her mother, Sakura, family members, or old counselor told her. She knew it was her fault that her dad had died.

Because she watched him… and did nothing to stop it.

XXXXX

The morning passed by in a hurry on Wednesday. Naruto looked as if her were in a daze, slowly going through the motions of living as if he were on autopilot. In math, Sasuke had taken notice of his peculiar behavior, but had not said anything. He wasn’t exactly sure what to say… or what to ask

So, he just sat back and watched. He would wait until seventh period before he would try to do anything. Hopefully by then Naruto would be back to his normal, loud self, and blame lack of sleep for his behavior in the morning.

XXXXX

Sakura scratched at her elbow, which was covered up by the ugly blue sweater she wore to cover up the bruises. When she sat down in her desk, she was almost jumped on by her friend, Ino. The blonde girl was oblivious to her discomfort and prattled on about a guy she had met.

In the seat next to her, Hinata watched the far away look on her friends face. It wasn’t common for Sakura to zone out. Even during a class that she didn’t like. And the girl especially didn’t ignore her friends… like she was doing with Ino right now.

It was almost like she was drifting away from reality.

The purple haired girl told herself not to care too much. To not recognize the pain that stabbed at her heart at the look on her friend’s face. She couldn’t care for the other girl in any other way than a friend. Even her friendship could cause damage.

Because everyone she loved left her. They didn’t just leave either, they died.

Sakura and her mother were the only people that she had left. Sure, she had an uncle and her cousin Neji, but she had told herself to not get too close to them. After her dad died, she closed up and drew away from others. It gave people the impression that she was shy. But in actuality, she just didn’t want to care too strongly about anyone. In her own way, it was like she was protecting them.

And if she wanted to protect Sakura, then she needed to keep a safe distance between them.

XXXXX

He had not changed since this morning. He had not even tried to put up a front today, in any of his classes. No one seemed to take notice, at least, that is until he felt himself being pulled back while everyone else exited the locker room. Naruto could hear their teacher calling for everyone to come into the gym before she locked the locker room doors. He knew that they could get out from the locker room, but no one would be able to come in.

Naruto turned around, his eyes locking with a pair of black pools that reflected himself. He could see the frown on his face and dull blue eyes mirrored in them. He shivered slightly.

“What?” He asked the other boy.

Sasuke didn’t say anything at first. He just held onto his wrist as he stared into Naruto’s eyes. He didn’t know what he would find there, but he felt compelled to look. Sasuke couldn’t find anything in them, though. They were blank, empty, void of anything. They reminded him of his own. Too much like his own. No! He wouldn’t let the idiot do that to himself. He had to hold onto himself. He couldn’t lose. Naruto couldn’t lose himself… because then who would save Sasuke?

“What’s wrong with you?”

Naruto blinked at him. His body turned more towards him, his body relaxing more so on command than on him actually being comfortable. The hand around his wrist was surprisingly smooth and the other boy’s hold was soft, in no way harsh or forcing. This time his body relaxed without control and he found himself tugging on the Uchiha’s wrist with his free hand.

Sasuke fell into the other boy’s chest gracelessly, not expecting the change in this… conversation. All he had wanted was to talk to the blonde, not ravish his mouth, like he was doing now. Well, it was more like Naruto was taking charge in the kiss, but he didn’t really mind. He just didn’t want to see those blue orbs as lifeless as they had just been ever again.

The blonde pushed Sasuke back until he fell onto a bench. He would have fallen backwards and over the thing entirely if Naruto hadn’t stopped pushing on him. Instead, he put a leg on either side of Sasuke's and settled in his lap. His mouth latched onto his neck as his hands wandered under the hem of Sasuke’s gym shirt. Muscles in his stomach twitched as a tan hand ran over his bare skin, making Sasuke moan lowly into the blonde’s hair. That hand didn’t waste time with teasing as it grabbed the waistband of black shorts and pulled.

Naruto slid off of Sasuke’s lap and onto the floor, his other hand coming up to help pull down shorts and boxers. Sasuke’s erection was freed from its confines and he almost whined in anticipation. But… something wouldn’t let him completely let go and enjoy this moment.

“N-naruto?” God, he sounded pathetic.

The blonde looked up at him, a knowing look on his face. He smirked. A small bit of normality coming back into the situation at his stupid grin.

“Don’t worry, no one will come in this time.” He told him in a husky tone.

That wasn’t what Sasuke was worried about. He was… concerned with why the blonde was acting this way. Not that he minded, but it was different. Definitely not how he would usually act. The frowns, the unusual quietness, and the barely there expression he wore hourly… that wasn’t him. And now this. None of this was what he knew. None of this was the Naruto he had befriended.

“Naruto?” He said again, his voice coming out slightly colder than he meant. He just didn’t want to sound as desperate as he had earlier.

Naruto ignored him as he playfully flicked his tongue across Sasuke’s head. He was rewarded with a gasp that was followed by more as he swirled his tongue around his head and dipped it into the slit. Sasuke’s hand tangled in his hair, but didn’t push down. He wanted to push Naruto away, but couldn’t find enough strength within him to do it.

Sasuke closed his eyes and he leaned his head back as slurping noises filled the air. His gasps and moans mixed with them as he felt himself coming closer. He couldn’t think clearly though, as his mind thought about the sounds they were making. He didn’t know if they could be considered harmonious, but he thought they were.

A throaty moan fell from Sasuke's lips as Naruto deep throated him again and again. He opened his eyes and looked down at the blonde head bobbing up and down. Sasuke’s hand raked through his hair in an almost gentle manner as his chest heaved with rushed breaths. The tightening in his stomach grew unbearably hot until it finally gave way. He panicked momentarily as he forgot to warn the blonde, but lost that train of thought when he felt his cum being swallowed around his dick.

Naruto pulled back and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He grinned up at Sasuke, who was pulling up his shorts, and stood up. The dark haired boy could see past the forced smirk and frowned to himself.

“Naru-”

“Why don’t you go ahead out there and I’ll be out in a sec.” The blonde cut him off.

“What about you?” Sasuke asked, indicating the bulge in his gym shorts.

“I’ll take care of it.”

“Naruto, what’s-”

The blonde looked down at him, his grin fallen and long forgotten.

“I said I’ll handle it. Nothing’s wrong, so just go out there before you’re marked absent.” He turned around and made his way to the showers, but a hand caught onto his own.

“Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong with you?”

Naruto turned around, but Sasuke still held onto him. Concealed anger danced in his eyes as he looked at the other boy.

“Because there’s nothing wrong! Would you stop pestering me about it? You’re not my boyfriend or anything, so just drop it!” He practically yelled. He just wanted to be left alone. Why couldn’t Sasuke understand that?

Sasuke stared at him, his eyes darkening involuntarily.

“You’re right. I’m not your boyfriend. I’m not anything to you.” He dropped his hand and walked past him, his shoulder brushing against him. Naruto bit his lip as he thought of what to say. He hadn’t meant for it to come out like that. He didn’t mean it like that.

“Sasuke? Wait, I didn’t mean it like that.” He pleaded, his eyes looking at the tense muscles in the other boy’s back. Sasuke stopped with his hand on the door handle.

“Yes, you did.”

With that said, he walked out of the locker room. The heavy door banged loudly against its frame as it shut, the noise echoing off the walls. Naruto just stood there, his eyes burning a hold in the ground.

XXXXX

When Naruto got home that day, he didn’t see his mom. He was grateful for that. He just felt like being alone right now. He walked into his room and turned on his computer. The blonde threw his stuff down on the floor, not caring about the ass load of home work he had. The computer screen’s background came on and he clicked on LimeWire.

A few minutes later and his room was blaring the band, Nightwish. He could care less if his mom or dad walked through the door and yelled at him right now. At the thought of them doing that, he actually felt anger well up in him. He was just so frustrated with everything. With school, with Neji, his parents, church, Sasuke… the list could go on, but he tried not to think about it.

He didn’t want to think. He just wanted to… drift away.

And yet, it felt like he was plummeting. To where, he had no idea. But it frightened him.

The blonde lied down on his bed, putting his arms behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. The song changed, but he couldn’t really tell. Everything was drowned out by his thoughts. He felt the memory of earlier today pull at him, demanding his attention as he tried to get away from it. However, it perused him until he gave in.

He could still see it clearly. Could hear his voice shouting words of rage, and the coldness in the Uchiha’s. Shit… what was he going to do about him? The boy had refused to look at him when he had gone out there, and had even gotten in a fight with Donny. The jock hadn’t learned his lesson earlier about mentioning Sasuke’s family. So, Sasuke helped him by breaking his jaw and loosening a few teeth.

The door opened to the apartment and was slammed shut.

Naruto jumped slightly at the noise and went to open his bedroom door, confusion written on his face. He wondered what was going on, knowing that his parent’s didn’t make a habit out of slamming things. What he saw though made a shiver run down his spine.

His mom was crying hysterically on the couch, while his dad held her to him, a solemn look on his face. When he saw Naruto, he snapped at him.

“Turn that crap off!” He yelled.

Naruto fought against his shock at the situation and closed his door before turning the music off. No noise came out of his room for the rest of the night until his dad came in hours later to tell him that his grandfather had died. They were leaving that Friday to attend his funeral on Sunday.

Then he left, leaving the blonde alone to his own thoughts.

They didn’t attend church that night.

XXXXX

A/N: I know it’s a kind of late and all crappy and angsty, but it just kind of happened. Writer’s block is a bitch. One that I tried to hang numerous times, but it was saved every time by school, my… hazardous room, lessons, and all the other shit going on right now. So, it may take a while for me to get these chapters out from now on. Cause I’m having some trouble in a few of my classes, and I’m completely serious when I saw I can’t fuck up this year. If I fail any of my classes, then I can’t get my learner’s permit or graduate with my class next year. Unless I take something over the summer… blah. It’s sad I don’t even have a learner’s permit. Looooong ass story that I may rant about some other time. For now though, review if you want more.

And a big thank you to Nomme de Plume for offering my retarded ass some help with the government thing. If I have any questions, then I’ll let you know. And anyone who is still reading this, go check out Nomme de Plume’s stories, they kick ass. gives Nomme de Plume a Sasuke plushie*

Later,
Inc