Fox eat Dog

Life done had me and it was a struggle to get this out but here it's be. Things in the story are progressing very differently then I imagined. At this point I'm just winging it but I hope soon to actually add the story plot, but not this chapter, I want to have fun this chapter.

To be edited later.

EDIT: I'm in deseprate need for a BETA, I'm too lazy to edit myself.

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When Kakashi awoke that next morning to the beautiful music of dogs barking outside he was certain today would an awful one. He had no bases of the fact since he hadn't even opened his eyes yet but somewhere, deep inside, he felt it. His premonitions were rarely wrong. It was a despairing feeling. Yet despite his better judgment he got out of bed, he would not quiver under his sheets if there was no one with him.

He was completely naked aside from his face mask. Though he never wore it to bed, but after Naruto promised naked pictures of him he had to be ready for the blond's attack at all times. The thought of staying fully dressed every moment of the day never occurred to him despite the threat of his body being exposed on film, all his concern was on his face.

His feet padded against the wooden cool floor to his bathroom and as he passed by his hamper his lips twitched. The urge to lift the lid to be sure no one was there was great but he dismissed it. It was too soon for 'that one' to be hiding there again, instead he returned to using the facilities as intended. Sitting down after lifting the lid Kakashi placed his elbows on his knees, slouching as he stared off to the blank wall across from him. The paint color wasn't all that interesting, colored slightly yellow from age covered with a few curious brown stains leaks usually caused. It was his thoughts he was focused on.

One said impish ninja that was.

Yesterday was a utter failure. The noodle loving idiot hadn't been back a day and he already demolished most of Kakashi's dignity. He had been made a fool of, his kindness, what little he had, was taken advantage of. It was him who's life was encroached. Naruto and his damn arrogance in just doing whatever he felt like, treading into places not welcomed nor wanted. Why he was taking over the jounins head at this very moment! Invading his thoughts when all Kakashi should be thinking of is his porn and his next mission...

His porn.

He lowered his head in defeat.

The remembrance that his new, untouched, virgin novels that were trapped in the hands of a 'cretin' was sickening. He could just picture the blond now eating nacho flavored potato chips and turning the pages defiling the paper with orange stains laughing manically at the contents. The perversion of it all. Grumbling he lifted his head deciding that just thinking about it wasn't going to get his belongings back. He'd have to do something about it.

He'd have to venture into the lion's den.

Kakashi learned that situations with Naruto on a even playing field he was at the disadvantage, hell when he was in his own home he was at a disadvantage. He could ambush the boy and tie him up, take what was his and run far far away. Though that was rather cowardly in his mind's eye and improbable on the other hand. If he could do that he would have already done it. Though rigging a net trap with ramen as bait had a high chance of working. He'd need to remember that for plan B. As for what he actually do. He'd do what any normal person would do. He'd ask first.

It was simple, it was effective because today he was in no mood to play games. Not if he was subject of fun of course. Scratching his head due to the itches that always seem to happen once a person woke up he finalized his plan to speak to the porn thief. If all went well he'd only spend a few minutes of his precious time there and be done with seeing him for a while. If not.

Well he'd turn over every room it that house to get his books back.

Whistling a upbeat tune he tapped his fingers on his knee as he waited for his dead weight to leave him so he could start his day.

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Morning, the most loathsome time of the day. The light trying to break in from the gaps in the curtain irritated his eyes and Naruto covered his head under a pillow to avoid the light. Quickly he began dozing off again only to hear a scurrying of feet off somewhere in his house. Odd, too loud to mice, a cat? Maybe a man? If it was an assassin he was extremely inconsiderate, it was the morning most attacks came at night when it was appropriate and just all around the smarter way to kill. At another time the fact he was even thinking there could be a killer in his house he would have acted on it but after a late night with ramen and jutsu scrolls he didn't feel like moving even if his belongings were being stolen.

So long as the thief left his ramen and bed.

Naruto was comfortably satisfied with falling back to sleep regardless of what was taking place in his own home only the unnamed person came into his room, bursting through the door so it hit his wall, very loudly. No assassin was this clumsy it must be someone he knew, which was worse. He couldn't kill them and go back to bed.

“Go away, I want sleeeep.” The blond almost whined words muffled by the pillow and need for rest. Though it seems what he said caused a negative reaction with his present company. In an instant he was ripped from his comfortable bed onto the floor pulled by his own ankle, his head hitting the wood in a painful dazing way. He could see three light fixtures on the ceiling where before there was only one.

“Naruto for the love of... would you stop sleeping naked!” Came a male voice came from above him dress in tradition ninja garb of Konoha with a leaf head adoring his head.

“My clothes are dirty. What are you doing here Iruka-sensei? Why did you summon clones?” The nude man said from his position on the floor one leg still on the bed and showing off a great deal of himself, again.

“I didn't, you must have hit your head too hard...” The last portion of Iruka's words were said with concern before the realization he suppose to be mad at the boy and slammed a fist to Naruto's noggin, it wouldn't do much damage anyway.

The young man had survive quite fine with the few brain cells he had.

“You idiot, I had to hear from one of my co-workers that you came back last night and you didn't even come by to see me! I was so worried when you didn't come by I thought you were injured and here you are just being lazy. I should put you in the hospital myself!” He explained, confessed, vented. Good ol' Iruka and his paternal emotions. Sometimes he was a mother, sometimes a father, mostly moody as a pregnant woman.

Naruto grumbled and sat up pulling his foot off the bed to sit half tucked in Indian style. “I'm sorry it slipped my mind. I ran into Kakashi-sensei and had dinner with him.” Blackmailed him for noodles was more like it.

The brunette stiffened before letting out a growl. “That's even worse, so you had time for other teacher and not me? I'll have your head!” Iruka attacked the defenseless blond getting his neck in a head lock and choking Naruto to full awareness. The boy clung on the arm for dear life.

“It's... It's not like... THAT! Lemme go!” The brunette released his violent grip enough so the young man wouldn't turn blue but held the other captive. To most others, in fact to Iruka several years prior, holding a naked man would be widely inappropriate and best left to same sex oriented people. Being a close important person to Naruto meant adapting to his peculiar rituals and bizarre way of thinking. It meant dealing with a lot of uncouth behavior. Instead of inflicting good traits on the young man he himself was tainted. He humored himself with thinking he had instilled some courteous manners and civility in him. Naruto did start showering regularly, cleaning with products instead of water and a rag. The boy even learned to cook food that required more than boiling water.

It was probably too late to instill proper teachings in wearing clean underwear at all times.

“Ir-Iruka-sensei, I swear... he started it!” Though Naruto voice started out breathy and low he ended with a high pitch whine throwing a fist in the air making the older ninja feel like he was dealing with one of his current day students rather then a fully grown one.

“He broke my door down while I was sleeping! I know it was him he left his porn behind.” A cold chill slithered down his spine. The door was off its hinges when he came in. What did Kakashi do while Naruto was sleeping? Or rather, what did he do to Naruto while the boy was sleeping?

“He owed me! Please don't be mad Iruka.” Naruto was talking as the old chuunin's mind swirled around with thoughts of Naruto sleeping naked one perverted jounin doing unspeakable things to him. He twirled his charge around at an awkward angle and shook him.

“What happened?! Where'd he touch you?! Dammit Naruto don't cover up for him! If he molested you tell me and I'll protect you!” At that moment in time, with Iruka's wild hair looking more spike and hard like his stern face, the blond was honestly scared for himself. Also the fact that he was almost eighteen, bigger and most likely stronger than his named molester yet that was the first conclusion Iruka drew from this. Poor man must be watching more of those dramas of children enduring abuse while everyone stays obvious to the depravity happening under their noses.

“Sensei, I'm too old to be attractive to a pedophile.” Naruto said calmly hoping the blood lust in the other man's eyes died quickly, he felt like going to go to the bathroom where he sat. Iruka's eyes dwindled to confusion as the death shroud consuming the air deteriorated. What was left was this awkward silence as the older man's cheeks filled up with color. No longer able to sit still the butt naked boy escaped the hold on his arms and ran to the bathroom.

“I need to go pee!” Naruto scrambled yelling out loudly as he ran down the hall slamming the door after him. Trying to dismiss the embarrassment of the situation Iruka stood up and picked up the sheet from the floor proceeding to make his young friend's bed. As he got older he forgot the boy had gotten older as well. It was daunting to think instead of Naruto needed protection from perverts he needed protection. He heart rate tripled at the thought of the boy becoming a father and prayed that day was a long time off. Last time the ramen lover changed a diaper he turned a dirty one inside out and put it on the baby.

Iruka was in the middle of tucking the sheet under the mattress at the head of the board when his fingers bumped a pointed object. The older chuunin was almost surprised to think that Naruto would put a kunai under his pillow. Not that the boy didn’t have just as many enemies as the next successful ninja, he had more than an average jounin did at the age of twelve, he just never seemed paranoid about it. Lifting the pillow his face drained of color and swiftly he returned it to its original position and abandoned making the bed completely. It was one thing to imagine Naruto as a sexual person, it was another to find porn under his pillow.

‘I never figured him to read novels instead of getting the picture kind.’

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“You’re so full of it.”

“Am not, I asked around, if Naruto didn’t show up I would have won the competition and our bet!”

“Uh-huh, sure they weren’t just saying that to hit on you?”

“I hate you.”

Sakura just nodded and hummed an affirmative as she leafed through one of her friend’s Cosmopolitan magazines. It proclaimed to teach you twenty different ways to please a man, fifty different makes up to purchase to wear for said man AND a ton wardrobe ad insertions which made the book a lethal weapon in a fight, you know, if you didn’t have something more practical like a mace on hand. In her opinion though reading a ninja scroll on pressure points and donning tight, easy to remove clothing would guarantee you a happy man by the end of the night. Then again these things were for single civilian women anyway. It was still oddly fun to take the quizzes.

Her blond companion though was displeased at the pink haired girl’s indifferent response and glared hard wanting to kick her leg from under the outside dinner’s picnic table. She refrained though knowing she was better than that. Besides, she could always do something that couldn’t come back to her later like drug Sakura’s drink with a laxative. Ino smiled wickedly from her chin perched on her fist.

“Whatever you’re plotting won’t work on me. I can hear the rusty gears in your head clinking.” Sakura looked up from the book to settle piercing green eyes on her best friend, sometimes though she wondered just why. Maybe it was just to amuse herself in moments she wasn’t saving lives. Maybe it was because she liked winning against the other girl as much as she enjoyed bragging that she won against her. It was all in good fun.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about I think it’s rather presumptuous of you to assume I would have any of intentions of-...”

“You’re using big words and complicated sentences, that’s a big tip off right there.” The medic ninja promptly cut off the curvaceous woman and her methodical rant. The blond took it rather well a shrugged her shoulders.

“Say what you want, you can’t prove I am or not anyway.”

It was than Sakura’s eye lids turned to slits scrutinizing her present company before spotting a familiar face coming towards her with his face in a book.

“Kakashi-sensei, good morning!” She cheerily greeted after not having seen the man in a while. Her work tended to keep her at the hospital a place the older man avoided like a disease when he could, the irony. When the man approached he actually lifted his eye from the pages though she could it would wander back and up as though he was torn between them.

“Good day to you Pink...” His eyes adverted to the second woman his eye jubilant before glancing down to his reading material again. “and Busty.” He let them soak up his words while his mind worked up wicked images and taunts. It had been a long while since seeing his old female student and her actions the other day where just too good not to tease with.

Sakura on her end of the table was first surprised by her teacher's words before at least acting mildly affronted. At least it wasn't her father making such a comment but it was pretty damn close. Ino though was beginning to irritate her since she seemed to enjoy the observation the older man made, giving the 'eyes'. She'd have to handle that woman later, maybe put a concoction in her drink to make her bowel movements erratic.

“Of course you wouldn't miss a thing, especially of that nature. Tell me you at least had to decency not to videotape it.” She grumbled leaning back in her seat dropping the magazine. Then an nauseating voice had to speak.

"Why would he? I'm sure Kakashi-san doesn't need such things like that. Right Kakashi-san?" The jounin was mildly surprised the blatant flirtation and tone in the way she addressed his name. Very little surprised actually, more like a pin-prick of shock. She was a young girl and his student's friend but hardly a baby. Now if said student didn't look so furious and have left hook to cause massive craters and a right one to dent mountains he might have considered it. Self-preservation about pleasure.

But a little teasing wouldn't hurt.

"Pig don't you see him walking down the street with porn? I've seen his place he leaves in all on a self in his bedroom, in plain sight near tissues! He wouldn't be above any sort of kinky videos either." Now that was just inappropriate and a gross misconception. Novels were an art visual images couldn't compare too. And he didn't own a TV. How the girl got mouthy and disrespectful as she grew up. No wonder she was still single. Just because he'd never say it allowed didn't make him a coward. Preservation.

"Why Sakura-kun how undeniably rude of you to accuse. I don't pass judgment of the manga and books you read of two men exploring their sexuality..."

"I have no such thing!" The flushed pink headed girl tore in screeching unbecomingly at her ex-teachers statement staged in innocent defense and fake hurt.

"Actually yeah you do, in your closet. The irony." Ino cut in feigning indifference as she inspected her immaculate nails. The teased youth slammed her hand on the table with an audible crack. She didn't put enough in to break it so she couldn't have been that mad yet.

"Say something else Ino and I will make a dent in your head the size of my fist and you..." She directed her eyes and words to the man next to her. "Stop laughing."

"I'm not Sakura, wouldn't think of it." He smiled sweetly his eye curling up in amusement. That was Kakashi's talent, doing exactly what you accuse him of but in no way can prove his guilt. She glared at him ever so much more trying to bait out his guilt, to this he only smiled more. She threw her hands up in exasperation before standing.

"Just go save a drunk from drowning in his soup or whatever it is that makes you late to every place you ever go too. I'm going back to the hospital." She gave both parties present a distrustful glare in turn daring them to respond with a derogatory comment. The both quietly responded with their own looks. One questioning her with 'What crawled up, died in you and made up your personality?' the other 'I'm secretly thinking of something but will never say to you and my porn is more interesting anyway.' This was enough to enrage her even more. "You're a whore and you... well your a whore too!" Was her last irrational comment before she stormed off leaving the two behind to stare pitiably after her.

"She needs a man." Ino finally said breaking the silence and lifting the feeling of awkward embarrassment on Sakura's behalf. Kakashi silently agreed in his head but let the moment pass as his eyes had decided talk was boring and continued reading feet moving away of their own accord. To this he gave a last courteous hand waved backwards to the blond left behind. Yet things didn't go as he planned it and as he placed a hand in his pocket the woman flanked his shoulder her presence too close to be anything but invasive. Kakashi didn't let the minor inconvenience stop him though, he'd let her say what he knew she would then make a hasty retreat.

How people called him heartless and self-centered, if they only knew how tolerant he really was.

"Kakashi-san leaving so soon?" Her coy tone was rather obvious and he could easily decipher to what she was actually thinking. 'How could you not want to stay and cajole me?' His words where automatic to what she wanted to hear, he'd humor her since he was in a good mood.

"I've got important work to do today. Very vital." Which was true, it was very important to him even if everyone in the free world would disagree. She appeared thoughtful after this, an understanding expression being the programed typical response, but he didn't get a 'catch you later then' or more badgering like what every woman did in these situations. This one wasn't going by the book.

"Would it make a difference if I invited you over to my house to watch the Icha Icha movie?" They were like magic words opening up his mind to many possibilities and he stopped walking. The masked ninja lowered his book turning to look over his shoulder at the blond kunoichi smirking knowingly beside him. Looking a lot more attractive than before, he even noticed her toe nails were painted pink, wiggling around in her uniform ninja shoes.

"You know your stuff." It was quite clearly bait to lure him only it was good bait and he was falling into it. Go get his porn or go home with a extremely young and an attractive woman who wants to watch his favorite movie with him, among other things. Why was he hesitating?

"It's an offer, after your done your 'important business' come by my families' flower shop sometime. Bye-bye." She saucily winked at him walking away with a suggestive sway to her hips that his eye followed and he got the feeling he just been had. When she was gone from sight he went back to walking to Naruto's but left his book in his pocket.

His imagination was providing enough mental images to keep him distracted from needing his book for now. Before he knew it he was standing before Naruto's front yard. His feet slowed to a stop as he glanced casually to his surroundings. His form of casually was concealing his presences to non-existent and checking every square inch throughly with hawk like vision.

It was casual because he didn't use his sharingan eye.

The dog-summoner didn't feel any sort of life inside the house and thought maybe his strategy of 'breaking-and-entering no jutsu' was overall a good choice. It wasn't as if the blond didn't do it to him every other month. Kakashi tried to stay offended until he thought of the boy clutching his underwear cramped in his tiny hamper then he reminded himself it wasn't funny and not to laugh. He stayed put long enough until the giggles subsided. He then changed the word 'giggles' to 'cackling' because it was not 'giggling'. Giggles are what teen girls did when a boy they liked talked with them. It was out of the corner of his perceptive vision he spotted something moving around at the back of his blond students' house.

So much for just stealing his stuff back.

So if the boy was home he'd just go up to him and demand his novels be returned. Kakashi wasn't someone to be trifled with he'd make his demands known and carried out accordingly. Aside from that he did bring a ramen cup and had plenty of sturdy trap wire. The branch on the old tree a little ways to the jounin's right would do. He made a quick detour to it before venturing farther into the 'Evil One's' not so secret lair. Soon his books would be safe back in his tender care, hopefully unharmed because if there was one nick on their cover...

Settling down his furious rage Kakashi disguised his chakra and stealthily, with the grass' soft texture hiding his foot falls, walked towards the backyard. Maybe it was ingrained or maybe the Copy ninja did it consciously but to other people the fact he seemed to always sneak up on his comrades annoyed them endlessly. To be accurate it pissed them off he could do it to begin with. Ninjas got greatly offended and humbled by his show of effortless skill.

Nearing the edge to leading to the back of the house at first he saw nothing but rows of white recently washed linen came into view. At that point he could see that there was more than just sheets as there was globs of black and orange mixed in with them. Obviously the young man was doing his laundry but from the partial side view he couldn't see were the blond was as the sea of cloth hid his form. Quietly the silver haired man dared to venture farther and he did in fact find Naruto amongst the cotton cover.

Kakashi's face drained of all color before he let out a most high pitch feminine scream.

It had been years since he ever cried out like that, though never quite so emasculating. It didn't matter that instead of seeing his first mutilated bloody body one before him was alive and well. It didn't make a difference he was in the comfort of his village and wasn't in the throws of a horrible war since passed. He didn't take into consideration he was a grown man of thirty-one instead of thirteen. It just was.

Aquatic blue eyes turned to him and Kakashi doubled back falling on his ass at the sudden movement. He didn't try to scramble back but thats only because his joints locked up as he went dangerously tense. As it happened the person before him looked frighteningly in his direction and quickly came before him at which Kakashi could do no more then horrifically stare as he got an up close, very detailed image of what scared him so.

“Kakashi-sensei! What's wrong?! What happened?! Was there some hideous creature lurking around my house?! Oh god... was there a g-ghost?” At this the blond boy looked cautiously over his shoulder and began to get goosebumps Kakashi could see those goosebumps all too well as he broke out in a cold sweat himself.

“I knew I shouldn't have bought this house... The neighbors say an old woman use to live here. Sh-she lost all her family in the war and died a lonely death. They say she comes out looking for her children and attacks whoever she finds... Quickly Kakashi did she have a butcher knife and dusty old pink shawl!?” At his last sentence Naruto placed both of his hands on his teacher's shoulders and began to vigorously shake the man to this Kakashi's one eye began to swing back and forth looking to the object terrifyingly close to his face moving with the whisker-face boy's body. It was when a particularly hard thrust that it hit Kakashi's chin right below his lip that the man broke out of his stupor and slapped the man's arms away.

“Naruto! Get some fucking pants on!” Kakashi curled into himself, violated, face flushed red, he would have looked away if he wasn't so weary of letting the man get the jump on him. He didn't just think that. His hand came up and tried to wipe away the feeling of Naruto's cock... Oh god he could still feel it on his chin.

Naruto for the most part looked taken aback. Was there some sort of problem? He looked at himself and behind. His hair was still damp from his shower he had taken earlier after Iruka left and wiped himself down real good after using the toilet. Looking back at his strangely affected teacher he tried to comprehend maybe something else was wrong.

“What's the matter Kakashi-sensei? Am I on call? All my clothes are still wet but if we need to get out of here real quick... Sensei you don't look so good are you alright? I'm getting worried.” To this Naruto's voice went soft confusion and concern in his eyes. He knelt before the jounin completely unabashed by his nakedness and the masked man wondered if this is why he never saw the blond's neighbors on the way in. It was touching the grass...

“Naruto, please put some shorts on, you can have my damn pants for all I care...” Kakashi actually pleaded to him and Naruto was more than a little astonished, suddenly a little embarrassed and he stood up turning his back to the jounin go to his laundry. To this the older man then closed his eyes. The boy was tan all over. Now he understood the looks last night, the insecurity in Sasuke's eyes. His punishment was worse the his crime.

Kakashi slowly stood up his body feeling a lot weaker and older than his age all of a sudden. He finally puled his hand away from his covered mouth but the tingling feeling didn't dissipate. Naruto came back and had thankfully put on a pair of black shorts his bulky arms crossed over to pitifully hide his broad chest. The shorts were wet and clung more than normal but for the most part hid what the sharigan user could still so clearly picture. He wouldn't be able to look at the boy the same for a few weeks, maybe longer.

There was an awkward silence between them before the blond broke it.

“You know I've gotten many reactions before but never that...” Naruto cut himself off and Kakashi wanted to dig a hole to hide in. “vehemently.” It was worse than the jounin thought.

Naruto was using big words.

“Don't, just don't.” Kakashi said still shaken but trying to get his bearings, and his balls, back in order. This was his worse idea yet. Suddenly the thought of ever seeing his porn again wasn't so important. He wanted to just leave.

Yet there was something else...

Looking to his student he purposefully kept his eyes above the boy's neck line but off his eyes.

“Why did you leave last night?” It spilled from his mouth automatically and Naruto looked momentarily confused for a moment before he thought about it.

“I didn't figure you the type Kakashi.” He finally cryptically finished with, to this Kakashi was the one who was confused but still too prideful to ask the blond to elaborate. Kindly though Naruto did for him.

“To try to get someone out of their pants on a first date.” There was one evil smile after that, one evil glare.

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Okay I am done, I had a lot more planned for this chapter but I'll do as I usually do and save it for later. It's hard trying to pick up Kakashi's character after his humiliating defeat. What do you say after you had a dude's cock on your face? I don't know so I'm pushing it aside for later.