My One Love

My One Love
part 4

Rating: PG-13 this chapter
Warning: angst and language. Mild Neji bastardization and bashing
Pairings: Shika/Neji, Shika/Chouji, Lee/Gaara, Chouji/Lee friendship.


Chouji was brought out of his thoughts by another persons presence. He was a ninja after all, no matter what others said about him. He looked up across the stream and couldn’t help but smile even if his heart felt more then a bit strained. Shikamaru looked beautiful with the sun at his back a light aura surrounding him. It was such a lovely sight. He quickly shook his head, he couldn’t stare to long at his friend otherwise the genius was bound to figure out about his feelings.

“Shikamaru.” Chouji frowned as his friend seemed hesitant. “You ok?” Shikamaru walked to the stream and sat on the opposite side of the bank. He looked at the water and dragged his hand through the water. Chouji’s heart began to race because of his friends silence. It felt like an eternity before Shikamaru looked up at him.

“Hi Chouji.” Chouji knew right away something was wrong. Shika was never hesitant around Chouji, ever. Chouji swallowed the nervous lump in his throat as the thinner man looked away. “I-I think we need to talk...” Chouji felt his chest tighten as his best friend stuttered slightly, that never happened so the bigger man knew this wasn’t going to be good.

“Shika...what’s wrong?” Chouji gripped the dirt around him. Not only were they having this conversation, but there was a stream between them. Who would have thought the happiness of one of them would hurt their relationship so much.

“Chouji..I have to tell you something and I want you to listen to everything ok? Just let me talk alright?” Chouji nodded slightly as he watched his friend cup the water then slowly let it dribble from his hand. “The other day when you were talking to Lee in your apartment....I heard you...” Chouji felt his face turn red and he looked down at the clear water. “I never knew you felt that way about me...I never knew...” Chouji frowned as Shikamaru seemed to be searching for the right words. “Why...Why didn’t you ever tell me? You’re my best friend, we should be able to tell each other anything.” Chouji couldn’t help but snort. Shikamaru frowned slightly and looked at Chouji. “I didn’t know Chou...but when I found out, I can’t tell you how much it hurt to know that I was doing that to you. To know I was hurting you so bad.” He took a deep breath and felt his throat tighten. “I can’t keep hurting you the way I am, I need you to tell me what you want me to do. I don’t want to hurt you anymore....”Chouji bit his lip and closed his eyes.

“Do you know what it’s like to hate everything you are, everything you feel, because you know that no matter what you do it’s all going to turn out bad for you. You know me Shika, you know that every time I go for something or I make it known that I want something it never works out. You know that I’ve accepted it even if it hurts a little more every time. Please don’t feel bad for not wanting me back, you can’t help what your heart feels. I can understand why you wouldn’t want me ok? Neji is so much better, hell everyone knows it and I wouldn’t expect that you would choose me over anybody let alone Neji.” Chouji stood up quickly and turned around to walk away. “Yes Shika, I love you, I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. Now it’s out in the open and if you have to avoid me to stop feeling bad for me, then do it. I can’t have you pity me, please I rather be dead then have you feel bad for me.” Chouji began to walk away, he knew now that his relationship with Shikamaru would never be the same. That is, if he still had any kind of relationship with Shikamaru. Chouji bit his lip as his face twisted with agony, tears running down his face. If he didn’t have Shikamaru, what did he have?

Shikamaru watched Chouji walk away. His chest clenching unbearably tight. How was he supposed to make this right? He couldn’t just watch as Chouji walked out of his life because he knew that if Choui left now, there would be no friendship left. He knew he had to stop the bigger man, bring him back and tell him the truth. Tell him that he couldn’t live knowing that he let the real love of his life just walk away. Shikamaru knew it was wrong to Neji, knew that he would hurt Neji by doing this, but he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t stop Chouji from walking away.

“Chouji!” Shika jumped up moving faster then he had in his entire life. He ran after his friend and when he was close enough he stopped. “Damn it Chouij wait! Please!”

Chouji heard his friend yell for him to stop but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to see Shikamaru struggle to keep their friendship and just have it become awkward. Didn’t the black haired man understand? How was Chouji supposed to sit there everyday knowing that Shikamaru was feeling bad for him and only kept the bigger man close because it was normal and Shikamaru hated change. For once Chouji was planning to be selfish, he was going to walk away and let Shikamaru have the happiness he deserved. He wasn’t going to hold his friend back, not this time....never again. Chouji steeled his nerves as he began to walk away. ‘I’m sorry Shika, but I can’t stay with you, not this time.’ Chouji decided to head home, he wasn’t feeling very well at the moment and all he wanted to do was go home and let go of everything. To just go home and ~cry~. That was until he went to take his next step and was frozen in place. Chouji cursed mentally of course he had to get caught in the shadow imitation technique.

“Shikamaru...let me go right now.” Shikamaru only knew Chouji to get truly pissed
when someone either threatened to eat his last potato chip or when someone called him a fat ass. Usually he was too sweet for anything else to make him mad but apparently this was hurting the bigger man even more than anything else because he sounded enraged.

“Chouji...” The bigger man began fighting the jutsu and. Shikamaru cursed as he concentrated harder at keeping his friend immobile. “Goddamn it Chouji would you just let me finish please?” Chouji felt his heart break and stopped fighting.

“What do you want from me Shikamaru? What the ~fuck~ do you want from me?!” Shikamaru blinked, he had never heard his friend curse like that. “I’d do anything for you Shikamaru, ~anything~! Is that not enough that you have to torture me too? Have I really been that horrible of a friend that you can’t even let me walk away with what little dignity I have left? What do you want from me? Do you want to tell me to my face that I’m not enough for you? That I will never be what your looking for? What could you possibly want to tell me? Is it not enough that I know you will ~never~ love me?! I’m nothing special and I know that, I’ve known that my whole life. The last thing I need from you is the ‘just friends’ speech. I know that’s all I could ever be but the ~fuck~ if I need you to tell me that. Please just let me go ok. I promise I won’t be like a lost puppy and follow you and Neji everywhere you go. But I don’t need you to tell me your sorry and then to later have Neji give me that fucking cocky smirk knowing that he will always get everything I could never have alright?!” Chouji was practically sobbing as his anger and hatred for himself finally made itself known in words. He hadn’t realized that he was let go from the jutsu a while ago. Shikamaru was still behind him yet hadn’t made a sound since Chouji had started his rant.

Shikamaru was crying. Actually he was practically sobbing like a baby. He always knew that Chouji had low self-esteem, but he had no idea it had gotten so bad. The truth was he was mostly to blame, without even trying or knowing, he had managed to make Chouji feel like the least important thing alive.

“Chou...”Chouji shook his head and began to walk away again, not even noticing Shikamaru’s tears. Shikamaru watched as his friend threatened to walk out of his life forever and even before he could think the words spilled from his lips. “Chouji I love you too goddamn it!!” Chouji stopped short almost tripping over his feet. He didn’t know if he heard that right or if it was just his imagination. “Don’t you ~dare~ walk away from me How could you say something like that and just walk away from me? Me, Chouji Your best friend How could you think with everything we’ve been through that I would just let you walk away from me? I almost lost you once, and that was my fault, I left you alone to fight and ~die~ There is no way in hell I would sit here and let my actions cause this kind of pain, especially not when I feel the same way about you!” Chouji blinked, tears still dripping off his chin. He turned slowly towards his friend who was also crying. “How could you think I thought so badly of you Chouji?. I could never ~pity~ you! You are the strongest person I know! You were willing to give up your own happiness for mine but there’s only one problem with that.” Shikamaru took a deep breath and moved closer to his friend standing only about a foot apart. “I couldn’t be happy without you.”

Chouji looked at his friends eyes, he had only seen his friend cry a few times in his life and never this much. Chouji frowned and using every ounce of courage he had he reached over and wiped the tears from Shikamaru’s cheek, then gently cupped the side of his face in a large hand.

“Yes you can Shika, you have Neji, and believe me while I hate to admit it, you don’t need me around anymore. Hell you never ~needed me~, I was always the one who needed you. You were the one person who cared enough to make me feel better instead of worse about myself. I can’t stand around and make you decide me or Neji, so I’m going to make this simple and just walk away, no matter how much it kills me to do so.” Chouji smiled sadly as a lone tear rushed down his cheek. “I’ll see you around Shikamaru.” Chouji let his hand fall slowly from his friends face, running his fingertips gently over the skin he’d wanted to touch for so long. He turned around and once again began to walk away.

Shikamaru stood in the same place, for once in his life he couldn’t think of anything to say. He watched Chouji walk away, it seemed as everything had been twisted into slow motion. No, this couldn’t be how things turned out, it just couldn’t end like this. ‘I’m sorry Neji, I hope one day you can forgive me.’ Suddenly Shikamaru was running to catch up with his friend, he pushed himself hard and as he appeared in front of Chouji, he knew he made the right decision.

“You are the most....” Chouji waited for any of the normal put-downs he usually heard. He knew that Shikamaru would be pushed to insult him, seriously how was it that everyone in the village was wrong? No one could really keep from insulting him could they? “Beautiful person I’ve ever met Chouji...” Chouji eyes widened and a look of awe struck his features. Shikamaru wrapped his arms around Chouji’s neck and kissed him. At first Chouji was unresponsive. How could this actually be happening? He had dreamed of this for so long and now...Chouji felt Shika’s tongue come in contact with his lips and suddenly Chouji didn’t care if this was a dream. He wrapped strong arms around the thin form in front of him and actually picked him off the ground, kissing back with everything he was. He heard a soft moan and couldn’t figure out who it came from, all he knew was that his lips were on Shikamaru’s and his tongue was practically being swallowed by a very enthusiastic genius. The thinner man wrapped his legs around Chouji’s waist as his hands went to cup his loves cheeks. Finally they had no choice but to break for air. Shikamaru closed his eyes and nuzzled Chouji’s cheek. “Don’t leave me Chouji, I can live with anyone else leaving but not you.” It was whispered so softly Chouji almost missed it. Almost being the operative word. “I love you too Chouji, I’m so sorry I hurt you.” Shikamaru untangled his legs and stood on the ground, his nose still nuzzling Chouji. Chouji on the other hand was almost to shocked to react.

“Is this a dream?” Shikamaru looked up at Chouji and smiled.

“No honey, it’s not a dream.” Chouji took a deep breath then leaned in and kissed Shikamaru again, this time it was slower but just as intense. When they broke apart they were both breathing heavily. Chouji felt the tears return only this time he was happy they were there.

“I’ve prayed for this for years. I’ve loved you for so long...” Shikamaru hugged the bigger man closer to him. For all of his genius, he knew that nothing he could say would be appropriate.

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Chouji sat next to Shikamaru on the bank of the stream. Their hands intwined as Shikamaru contemplated.

“I have no idea how to break this to Neji without hurting him.” Chouji nodded and squeezed his friends hand.

“Whatever you need me to do just ask.” Shikamaru smiled and looked over at Chouji. If he had thought that he made the wrong decision before (which he knew he didn’t), he knew at that very moment that he was with the right person.

“I love you.” Chouji smiled brightly and kissed Shikamaru’s hand lovingly.

“Shika, I love hearing you say that.” Shikamaru smirked and moved closer to his love and kissed him on the corner of his mouth.

“I’ll say it everyday for the rest of my life.” Chouji wrapped an arm around his love and looked at the water.

“So how do you want to go about telling Neji?” Shikamaru sighed.

“I don’t know, not yet. But don’t worry I’ll tell him.” Chouji nodded. “I hope you don’t think that once I see him again I’ll just drop you.” Chouji looked at his friend with wide eyes. “I know you Cho, please don’t think that.” Shiikamaru kissed Chouji once again. “I’ll make everything right. I promise.”
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TBC
A/N: even less angst in the next part...I’m hoping anyway....