Bluescreen

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STOP: UN.ZIP!

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“So, Mr Uchiha,” Kakashi started as he looked for a sheet of paper and a pen to take notes, his eyes never leaving his precious Icha Icha Paradise. “Do you know why you are here?” the psychiatrist asked, his right hand held the pen, ready to take some notes, while the left one refused to let go of the small orange book. ‘Idiot,’ Sasuke thought, ‘it’s as if he’s possessed by that book.’

“To answer your question: I don’t really know why I am here,” the raven glared at the scarecrow before he glanced at the blond boy, sitting across from him, for a mere second. “But I have an idea why I am here,” he concluded his answer, thinking about the things he could do with the blond by now.

Kakashi looked up from his Make out Paradise for a brief second, regarding the scene in front of his very own eyes, only to resume reading his beloved novel. His pen moved over the paper quickly as he wrote ‘Sasuke+Naruto=♥? Better watch them…’

“So you’re saying you don’t know why you’re here?” Kakashi asked in a bored voice. ‘To screw your assistant?’ The raven haired young male thought leisurely, but instead answered with a simple “No.”

The older man sighed. He was sure that his new patient knew very well why he was in Kakashi’s office, yet he decided to play dumb. “Your superior called me. He said there were some complaints about your behaviour towards your customers. Do you want to say anything regarding that subject?” ‘That sounds like I was put in detention,’ the stoic young man thought. “I treated them like I treat any other person. We’re supposed to treat everyone the same at work, and that’s what I did. There’s nothing more I need to tell you.” Sasuke retorted.

“I see,” Kakashi murmured as he took another note, ‘Cocky attitude.’

“Say, Mr Uchiha, what do you think about your co-workers?” The silver haired man asked; his face still buried in the orange novel. “They’re idiots, just like everyone else around me; that includes you,” the raven had had enough. He didn’t like being analysed. “I’ll take my leave now. If you would excuse me,” Sasuke got up from his chair, bowed and wanted to leave when a hand grasped his wrist; effectively stopping his retreat.

“Please don’t go like that,” Naruto said in a shaky voice. It was his first day assisting Kakashi and he didn’t want any patient leaving like that. The kitsune vessel was too proud to accept that anyone would leave so early when he was around. He wanted to help them regardless of whether they wanted to receive his help or not. The blond had sworn that he would do everything to help his patients. He wouldn’t let them go like that, especially not that raven haired man.

Sasuke stared at the hand that gripped his wrist tightly; Naruto stared at Sasuke, a pleading look on his face; and at the corner of his eyes, even Kakashi stared at them for a brief second, before he continued to read his beloved little book again.

“You wouldn’t happen to be sexually frustrated, now would you, Mr Uchiha?” the scarecrow asked as he turned the page of his novel; acting as if he had just asked what time it was.

Naruto’s face turned a deep crimson red shade at his sensei’s question, embarrassed about the older man’s very personal question. Sasuke’s face looked similar, though he wasn’t embarrassed, he was just frantic.

“How dare you asking me such a question? Who do you think you are, Mr Freud?! It’s none of your business!!!” the raven shouted at the older man, livid with rage.
‘Yep, he’s indeed sexually frustrated,’ the older man thought as he tried hard to hide his smirk, taking a quick note about his new discovery.

“Please calm down Mr Uchiha, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Kakashi apologized, causing Sasuke to snort. “As if! You meant to upset me! Don’t give me that ‘I didn’t mean to upset you’ crap!” the raven haired male bawled Kakashi out before he turned his attention to the blond that was still gripping his wrist. “And you,” Sasuke’s coal eyes narrowed on azure ones. “Let go of me already!” With that said, the raven freed his wrist from the blonde’s grip.

Naruto looked taken aback at the retreating back, speechless for a second. That was when Kakashi decided to speak. “Mr Uchiha,” the silver haired man started, “may I remind you that if you leave now, I’ll have to report that to your superior.” It wasn’t a question; it was a promise – a threat. Sasuke stopped in his walk, turning to glare at the silver haired psychiatrist. “Are you threatening me?” the raven asked; his cold voice didn’t hide the threat of what would happen if the older man said ‘yes’.

However, Kakashi wasn’t impressed by the raven’s threatening glare. “I’m not threatening you but if you leave now, I’ll have to report it… Hmm, maybe you’re right. I am threatening you — although it’s more like a promise. Isn’t that funny?” the psychiatrist’s eyes turned into an amused upside down ‘u’. Sasuke growled. If he killed the psychiatrist now, no one would mind. He was still enraged after all, and the older man was provoking him. Umm… yes. Maybe killing the scarecrow was indeed a very good idea, however, there were still witnesses around. The Uchiha heir glanced at Naruto. He would have to kill the blond, too, if he killed Kakashi.

He wouldn’t mind killing Kakashi. That damn pervert would deserve it, but the blond… Would he actually mind killing the blond?

“Mr Uchiha,” Kakashi said, trying to get the raven’s attention. Sasuke shook his head, willing his thoughts away. “Mr Uchiha,” Kakashi repeated, finally succeeding in drawing the raven’s attention. “I didn’t mean to threaten you, I’m sorry. Of course you are free to go whenever you please. But please keep in mind that everything you do will have consequences.” The silver haired man took a deep breath. “In this case you’ll lose your job if you go now, and you know that.” Sasuke stood still, thinking about what he should do now. He needed that job but didn’t want to talk to that silver haired pervert any longer.

Kakashi glanced up at him, studying the younger man’s face as he contemplated his options. Being the luminary he was; he didn’t need much time to figure the raven’s problem out. On the other hand, being the pervert he was, he realised his chance to finish his ‘Icha Icha Paradise’ without any further interruptions.

“Naruto-kun,” Kakashi said to the blond boy. “Please take care of Mr Uchiha for me. I’ll take the rest of the day off; I don’t feel very well. And, by the way, you won’t learn anything if I do everything for you.” With that said the older man got up and left the room quickly, taking his orange novel with him.

‘That damn pervert just want to read his dirty porn novel,’ Sasuke and Naruto thought in unison, narrowing their eyes on the scarecrow’s retreating back.

When the door was closed, Naruto was the first one who broke the silence.

“So,” the kitsune vessel started, unsure of what to do or say, “Umm… it seems as though I’m responsible for you now.” Sasuke, on the other hand, knew very well what to do and to say. “You? Responsible for me?! Don’t make me laugh!” The raven still wasn’t very content with the idea of someone analysing him. “Hey!” Naruto snapped back at the Uchiha heir. “I’m very capable of dealing with bastards like you, so don’t treat me like an idiot, you, you… bastard!” The kitsune vessel might be capable of being a psychiatrist but he wasn’t very capable of thinking about better insults.

“Why shouldn’t I treat you like an idiot? After all, you are one!” Sasuke retorted, and that was the beginning of a beautiful little quarrel. “Bastard, you don’t even know me!” Naruto shouted at the raven, furious about the raven’s prejudice. “I know the kinds of you. Idiots can be found all over the world!” scratch ‘quarrel,’ that was a declaration of war.

“Bastard!” Naruto shouted.

“Dobe!” Sasuke retorted.

They argued like that for several minutes, only repeating their trademark insults: ‘Bastard’ and ‘Dobe’.

When they finally finished their little dispute, Sasuke’s hour was over and he was free to go home again.

“You… bastard,” Naruto panted out hoarsely, he refused to let Sasuke have the final say. Unfortunately the same applied for the proud Uchiha. “Do…be,” he said just as hoarsely as his blond counterpart.

That was the moment when both slid down to the floor and gasped for breath. They had shouted at each other for more than 50 minutes and didn’t think about breathing very much.

“Hey… you know what?” Sasuke asked between his attempts to return his breathing to normal again. “What?” Naruto asked; his breath ragged. “I…” the raven started but was interrupted when the door was opened suddenly, revealing the silver haired psychiatrist.

“Hey, boys, you’re still in… here?” Kakashi asked as he looked down to the floor to see the two young men panting. Their faces were flushed (because they were angry) and they were sweating slightly (it was a hot day and their anger caused their bodies to heat up even more). However, Kakashi didn’t know about the true reasons why they looked like that. To him, they looked as if they just had sex (well, maybe they looked like that to him because he can’t think about anything else).

“Am I too late? I didn’t think you’d make out that quickly. It seems as though I’ve missed your show.” Kakashi said, regarding the two boys.

“Pervert!” Naruto shouted at the older man, his face reddened even more with embarrassment and anger.

“What do you think we were doing?!” Sasuke jumped into the conversation, making the older male flinch at his shout.

“Well, having sex, of course,” the silver haired man answered timidly, causing the other two males to almost growl in a guttural fashion at him.

Kakashi backed off slightly, trying to reach the door again. “Well, I’m off again,” he said when he reached the door that promised his survival. “Have fun!” the silver haired psychiatrist said quickly before he ran away.

“COME BACK HERE, YOU PERVERT!” the two shouted after him in unison. Realising that the silver haired scarecrow wouldn’t come back anytime soon so they could beat the shit out of him, they decided to go home as well.

And just like that Sasuke’s first day being under psychological treatment ended.



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Error log file (also known as Author’s note):


There isn’t much to say, is there?

Well, I’ve started my new job (I make computers – repair them, and so on.)

It’s fun though the computers are really old (I mean it!)

As you can see, I haven’t killed Kakashi (I wouldn’t do that anyway. I don’t think I could write a character death so easily. Furthermore, how could Kakashi die? Being eaten by his porn novel? Scary…)

The scarecrow was very important for this chapter, wasn’t he? –hehe–

The next chapter is going to be more interesting, I promise! –smut ahead–

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