Countdown before a kiss mark fades

IV
The eyes of a dead fish

“God I thought that thing’s never going to end!” Naruto hollered, throwing his arms up in the air for relief while Sasuke just remained quiet as the two of them walked side by side in one of the school halls leading out towards the gate.

“Geez, that old hag’s just too much, she asked me too many questions for nothin’!” Blonde hair swayed in the cold air as the coming summer was fast approaching, the expected time for katei houmon, three way conferences, mock exam preparations and cram schools fast approaching for the third years.

*Katei houmon is when the teacher makes a round of house calls in the students’ homes. It’s not even customary for teachers here in the Philippines to do that and in my fourth year of high school I suddenly found myself opening the gate for my class adviser… well, if your student took a leave of absences for seven months, more than half of the school year, wouldn’t you get worried? I had insomnia then, so my mom didn’t want me going out of the house ‘coz I occasionally get lightheaded or faint, I remember I’m almost always nearly getting hit by a vehicle, a bus, a tricycle or a jeep. Sheesh… I was starting to wonder how the hell I was able to graduate without doing supplementary lessons with an average grade of 79 point something… hell no I didn’t bribe the teacher. We’re too average family for that.

“Hey… is it just me or am I the only one breathing here. What’s wrong? Did someone piss you off again?” The tone in Naruto’s voice taking on a protective tone like he was looking for a fight as he searched for the answer in Sasuke’s impassive face, trying to get through the man’s defenses. Sometimes the man is just a complete mystery it’s frustrating.

But Sasuke just shrugged as an answer along with a soft groan. Ever since their homeroom teacher gave out those career choice exam papers to them Sasuke had been acting much weirder than he originally was.

The two continued to walk to their apartment in silence, expecting no one to welcome them with their benefactor always away on a business trip but was in fact imposing himself on a certain brunette author working for him in the publishing house.

Uzumaki Naruto, eighteen years old, third year senior high school student opened the door to their apartment he was once living in alone.

“What answer did you write to that paper?” Sasuke’s voice sounded so grim and unlike him that Naruto out of surprise dropped Sasuke’s bowl on the table mere centimeters away from it, creating the haunting echoing sound of a bowl going round and round against the smooth surface.

“Eh? What do you mean? Go get changed, dinner’s comin’ up soon.” In their little kitchen-dining room Sasuke was sitting quietly on his designated chair, elbows braced on the table and arms plastered against it parallel to each other with his head bowed. With Sasuke’s jet black shoulder-length bangs pooling on the table before his arms because of the way his head was positioned, it gave the man a grave sinister look as it shadowed his eyes away from view. Just cryptic. Naruto thought with a shudder.

The blonde undid the knot behind him, removing the apron to hang it on the peg just beside the fridge beside the sink and he went to wash his hands, his back to the raven.

“What did you tell the principal? Are you going to start working or…”

“Oh that? Was that what you were thinking about all this time? Don’t tell me you haven’t decided yet, you’re gonna be interviewed tomorrow.” Naruto turned the faucet off, wiping his hands off the cloth of his shirt behind him and taking a large Tupperware to put the rice on it from the cooker. “Well, I don’t think I’m going to pursue being a professional sword dancer, being in the practical side it’d be more convenient for me to just start working already. I told her I’d work part time while studying for the entrance exams. Since I’ve never really had a plan of being a professional doctor or anything… hell I didn’t even know that I was that bright to get in the rankings much less rank twelfth in the exams few months back.”

No, Naruto wasn’t bright, you could actually say that he didn’t just pickle himself in his room studying morn’ to way past midnight, he was no genius, he was practically burning every damn blonde strand of his eyebrows just to get those damn periodic tables, equations and friggin’ solutions burned in his mind. Mathematics was his nightmare and he actually aced that subject out of all the rest, he was more than proud to say, that his mathematics professor fainted in front of the bulletin board when he saw his name in there, not because he was so shocked, well it was part of that, but because he lost to his fellow teacher two hundred bucks, he was that sure that Naruto would fail. Tsk. Tsk.

“Sasuke, aren’t you going to take over the publishing house once you get in the right age? It’s the family business after all.” Putting down the rice, he proceeded to ladle the steaming boiling curry from the pot to the serving bowl. “I don’t really have that much of a plan for the future, but Tsunade-sensei said I could make use of those written compositions I submitted in the literature department last time. Maybe get a course for Mass com.”

Quickly the raven’s head whipped up, black eyes taking in the uneasy form of the blonde who was blushing mildly with his lithe form leaning on the back of his chair opposite him, his hands braced on the wood behind him.

“Heh. Wanna room with me in the Todai dorms?” The blonde’s usually boyish smile turned placid and shy, blue eyes wanting to avoid Sasuke’s piercing orbs as he sputtered his way to explanation. “Uh… you see I’ve thought about this a lot too, since my dad used to be an English lecturer in that university and uh, I thought maybe we could go together although you’d be taking up something in the lines of business management, i-it’s okay if you already have plans! I just uh… I’m not making any sense…” Naruto surrendered that moment with a sigh, in his childhood he was never one to hesitate expressing his feelings but why did it feel so hard earlier? Especially to Sasuke? The two of them have always been open to each other…

*I’m sure that U has dorms, it’s a HUGE university, after all.

Maybe it was because of the fact that many things had changed between them. They have had a major argument one time, in that moment many hurtful things have been said to each other, each words bearing a stab to the other’s gut, they have been apart once, refused to reconcile once… maybe it was the reason that they’re not so innocent and immune to the mundane and unfair realities of the adult world that they’re having difficulty, feeling awkward at what the other would have to say of the other’s actions.

Yes, it’s because they’re young adults now, young but still already an adult, old enough to categorize things from right to wrong, old enough to think that things won’t be alright with just a couple of prayers and wishes on a falling star, old enough to realize that no matter how much they wanted something, sometimes, it’s just destined to be out of their reach.

Just like children grow out on their beliefs that babies come from a cabbage carried by a crane, or that there’s a rabbit in the moon.

They had realized that they cannot keep themselves from just being the two of them together, they grow old, meet new people, widen each other’s horizons. Unless they do something about it, time itself would pull them apart.

Just like that time.

“Hey.”

“Mm…?” Sasuke turned his attention from his intermediate level reviewer on the low table to Naruto who was lying on his stomach on the floor, a pillow supporting his chin as he read his own reviewer while swaying his legs up and down.

“What were you talking about earlier?”

“Huh?” Naruto didn’t seem to pay attention, he sipped his glass of juice dry, putting it aside where it won’t be stepped on.

“I saw you go to Itachi’s room earlier. You took a while there. What’s up?” That seemed to catch the blonde’s attention, the swaying of his feet stopping altogether and settling flat on the floor.

“Uh… nothing, just… asking him some stuff. It’s been a while since he went for Christmas since he went solo on us. We’re just catching up a bit with each other…” Usually what would follow Naruto’s answer was a curious ‘why’ but since he didn’t, it meant that the dobe didn’t want to prolong the conversation, which meant that there’s something more to it than that obvious lie.

“Really? Didn’t look like you were close before…” Sasuke nearly sneered that comment out but he refused to be seen through, so it just came out in a monotone voice.

“Psh, of course we’re not as close as you and I are. But we do get along. Hey Sasuke, don’t you think it would be cool to live alone like Itachi does? He gets to work as an intern in another publishing house abroad while studying. He told me we can go visit him when we have time… although it’s almost impossible, we don’t even have a passport to Canada.”

‘he means YOU can, when YOU have time…’

But well, living together with Naruto… I could…

“And he doesn’t need to be supported by uncle Fugaku and Aunt Mizuki.”

“He just doesn’t want to live here ‘coz he couldn’t get to do everything he wants with our folks around.”

“Mmmn…” Through the sound of that hum Sasuke knew that Naruto wanted to disagree with him but just dismissed the idea. Usually he’d be grateful for the dobe’s consideration, but right then he wanted to piss the blonde off, because Naruto tends to say things he didn’t want anyone else to find out when he’s caught in the heat of the moment. Just like that time when he defended their nursery teacher Haku that he’s the best teacher ever and he’s the most beautiful snow princess of all. Naruto had deeply regretted doing that.

While in that thought Sasuke hadn’t noticed his mother’s call for Naruto downstairs, probably just to do some errand again since the blonde seemed to enjoy pleasing his parents, well he has always been like that. He’d be happy long as he knew he can help others.

It’s already near the week of Christmas, that was why Itachi came home from his dorms in Vanier, Canada, to Kanazawa, their hometown in the Ishihara prefecture, a city which overlooks the view of the Japan Sea. Well it wasn’t really like he didn’t like Itachi there, it just felt like he’d been gone so long that to see him there tapping on his laptop looking carefree and with no worries while they were almost gluing their faces to their reviewers for the exams was an eyesore. Can’t he go out with friends and drink or something? Sasuke heard that was what college students used to do, go to group dates, drink, party, apparently his brother wasn’t the type to like to socialize, his choice of friends were narrowed to a freaky marine biologist student named Zabuza with a penchant for torturing marine wildlife rather than study them, and unfortunately, Naruto. He couldn’t even call Zabuza Itachi’s friend, because he looked like the guy paid no heed even if Itachi was ignoring him outright when he last followed his brother to his home couple years back. Zabuza’s features were so… marine-y that it gave Mizuki a fright when she opened the door.

As Sasuke’s impatience grew thin, he began to grow aware of the annoying ticking of the wall clock so he took a glance at it, already a half an hour and still Naruto’s not back yet! Jesus the trip to the nearest convenience store in their street takes about ten minutes back and forth!

Letting out a frustrated sigh because of his dislike with silence surprisingly, he got off the floor and motioned towards the door, deciding to get himself a nice cold black tea in the kitchen downstairs. Yes, as much as people in their country liked eating hot things in summer, he was the same, only the opposite, he liked cold things in his tummy, and when Naruto’s ordering ramen, he was eating his cold noodles.

But Sasuke’s footsteps faltered from landing on the first step down the stairs, perching his body hidden in the beams supporting the hallway of the upper floor he strained his ears to listen as the sight of his father, mother and their homeroom adviser seated in the living room couch all absorbed into whatever conversation they were having with Naruto in between the couple and opposite the teacher.

Katei houmon? It’s not our turn yet is it? And I thought it’s alphabetical, shouldn’t I be called first?

“Naruto are you sure this is what you want? You don’t need to worry about the tuition for high school and college, your parents had left you money from the insurance so…” The voice of his concerned mother insisting about something pierced the tense silence in the living room.

“Naruto, you’re a bright boy. You have a future ahead of you it’s not wise to just insist on going off on your own alone through high school and college. That’s why you have them as guardians. You’re too young.” Pallid hands went even paler on its knuckles as it pressed hard against equally pallid palms, their homeroom teacher was there using all her authority and influence on Naruto to talk him out of his decision.

“Besides, even though the scholarship had been already approved for high school it won’t do you any good to separate yourself from your guardians. You need their guidance and supervision, even saying that you are already mentally and emotionally mature, the fact wouldn’t change that you ARE still a minor.”

“Come on you guys… it’s not like I’m going to be in a far away place. Aunt, uncle, the high school I signed in for scholarship has a dorm there, I’m not the first one to do these things, I mean Itachi did much more, leaving at the age of fourteen for that exchange program.”

“Hn.” Sasuke just noticed that his brother was there, standing close behind Naruto holding a coffee mug in his hand and the other just resting on the velvety upholstery of the couch behind the blonde who looked up, searching for Itachi’s help.

You’re not Itachi. You don’t have the knowledge that he has when it comes to dealing with people who know nothing but to take advantage of naïve and danger attracting people like you.

“And…” Sasuke wasn’t able to see Naruto’s face because he lowered his head, staring at the table. “I don’t want to trouble you guys anymore, it’s enough that you’ve taken care of me the last two years… even, even helped me arrange their funerals and stuff.” At that Naruto’s voice broke, the blonde trying with all his will not to break down.

No one’s telling you to go away.

On Naruto’s other side Fugaku remained silent, listening patiently for Naruto’s reasons and was actually surprised for the boy to have his oldest son’s approval and influence on it.

“I won’t be alone there, Neji… he also applied there and with a scholarship too. We even talked about rooming together…” Naruto laughed uneasily, and Sasuke’s grip on the tiny wooden rods supporting the balustrade of the hallway upstairs tightened even more before he even realized that he was gripping it.

Why

“Uncle?” All heads then turned to the head of the house, no matter what situation they were in, from the throwing of some useless painting, to buying a new television even to their choice of education they all turn to Fugaku for his decision and advice.

“If Arashi was here…” A look of hurt crossed the blonde’s eyes. “He wouldn’t let you be alone in a mob of strangers and for faceless people to look after you.” Something akin to hope emerged inside Sasuke’s chest, secretly wanting for his father’s decision to go his way. “But if he really was here and saw you now, he would think about the things you can do from his point of view as a person not as your over protective father. Naruto. You are old enough to make decisions of your own.”

No…

And Sasuke felt that hope shatter into a million pieces.

“As your guardian, and as Arashi’s best friend I have seen you grow into a perfect mold of your father. Looking at you and Sasuke now every now and then made me think back of our past together…” A soft look surfaced onto the usually strict and tight features of the smiling man, and with a low sigh…

“Alright. I will allow you. But on the condition that you keep a constant connection with us through the phone and letters and make sure to go back here during holidays. It wouldn’t be a holiday without your pranks…”

“Uncle!” Much to Fugaku’s surprise the boy-no young man nearly jumped him as Naruto gave him a great big thank you hug, he couldn’t help but smirk and feel sad at the same time. He wondered how Naruto would break the news with his son, Sasuke wouldn’t like it, he was sure.

“Honey…” Mizuki gave a look of concern towards Fugaku, Naruto’s back to her as the blonde continued to glomp his uncle, she was never hesitant of her husband’s decision, but it’s not only because she worries for Naruto, but more for Sasuke.

“Hn. You have to learn a lot of things before you go blondie.” Itachi smirked and Naruto grinned back at him before he went back to the kitchen to get another batch of those cold coffee shakes that he loved, fortunately Zabuza had already given him the recipe, much to his embarrassment to be teased at having a secret craving for caffeine. Well it was the only drink that he liked, Sasuke would like it too, the two having a liking for cold things, he’d better offer some, but he’d get his first before the dobe remembered to slurp it down to mere foams, after all, Naruto was the one who made it for him.

Sasuke gritted his teeth if not more, he hated that fucking ‘blondie’ word. It was like he was hitting on Naruto every time he’d say that with that fucking smirk of his. But if he looked just a little closer, he’d notice that they possess the same lips.

Sasuke felt as if the entirety of air inside his lungs had left him, even though he hadn’t breathed out a single puff as he staggered his way to the top of the stairs, a trembling hand the only thing holding him from running down the stairs and throttling the blonde seated there laughing selfishly to himself.

And that laugh trailed off as Sasuke’s form became visible in everyone’s line of vision, the whole family went tense, all except for Itachi since he had, one way or another had predicted that his brother would find out for himself, so the eldest of the Uchiha siblings went inside the kitchen, pouring himself a second batch of the cold delight.

“Why… you’re so selfish…” His bangs shadowed his eyes from view, but to Naruto’s vision it seemed to flicker with turbid emotions of anger and pain in the dark.

“Sasuke…” Naruto gulped down his own saliva, feeling his throat go dry as the guilt pierced him from that accusing voice. “I wasn’t really planning on not telling you, I was just finding a chance to-”

“Bullshit!” Fugaku couldn’t even find the reason to stop his son from cursing in front of him, he understood. Sasuke’s head snapped up, hard angry black meeting with soft blue as he bellowed with rage. “No matter what’s going on about you I’m always the last one to know! Best friend!? Brother!? Fuck, you just say that but deep down you’re just like the others who suck up to me because I’m popular in school! You keep things from me up until the last minute until I couldn’t do anything about it anymore! You really wanted to leave me didn’t you!?”

“Sasuke no!-” Naruto stood up quickly, wanting to run towards Sasuke, he just felt it, that should he not move and catch him, the raven would disappear.

I bet you’ve already-stop you’re thinking from all the wrong reasons-grown tired of me!-I couldn’t tell you before because I wasn’t sure-So you’re taking the easy-Sasuke we can’t be-and clean way out!-always together!-

Their shouts overlapped and echoed from the corners of the house, but when one person refuses to listen, and the other person insists to talk it usually ends up like a palette of over-mixed colors.

It all turns black in the end.

The only sound amidst the silence that took place inside the house was their ragged breaths from taking out too many words in one breath and by the time Sasuke was able to recover his own…

Do you really not believe that I trust you enough to feel confident about your decisions?

“Sasuke…”

“Naruto… what I wanted… was for you to just… trust me… even… just a little.” When the word ‘trust’ came out of the raven’s mouth it had already gone soft and shaking, fluctuating down to the squeaked word ‘little’ as two streaks of rare tears cascaded down his cheeks before he turned his back on the shocked crowd and slammed his door close.

Why did you have to say that? If we want to be together then whatever happens we can do something for that to stay… don’t you believe in the strength of our friendship? Even just that… even if you do not see me as someone you can fall in love with… just believing in our friendship was enough for me… but why did you have to go and break the one thing that connects us together?

In the corner of his room where all lights had been shut off and the blinds closed over the window, if someone would only go there and look he wouldn’t see because of the stark darkness a trembling form hunched in a corner on the floor between the foot of his bed and the cold wall. He would hear though… the quiet sobs comparable to that of a child throwing a tantrum, only it was full of resentment, that it would sound almost haunting.

You’re the only purpose I am breathing… why did you have to be cruel and kill me?

Rumors in the school circulated during the course of Sasuke’s week of absence before the final exams, that he got a woman pregnant and had eloped, that he was mentally ill, that he was working as host on a bar, all which continued because Naruto didn’t want to say the true reason, he couldn’t say it. It stopped, when Sasuke attended school on the day of their finals, he didn’t look any different, he was his usual calm and cold self. Only, there was something that the people who didn’t know him personally had noticed the first time they saw him walk in the halls, the unknown blonde who would always be there following him with a bright smile and cheerful blue eyes wasn’t there. And the halls remained quiet without that hyperactive voice that they used to always hear from behind the raven.

‘Sasuke!’

Sasuke would wake up at five in the morning and jog around the street, he would eat a box lunch brought from another convenience store and spend the rest of the day studying for the coming finals, he would call Mizuki that he’s on a friend’s house and have dinner there in the park instead while he was lying on top of a children’s slide eating another box lunch and a bottle of coke. At eleven in the evening he would get home, climb the dead tree beside his room and get in the window of his room he purposely opened. Before he sleeps he would put his head out of his room between the door and its frame, look from left to right and go down to take a bath, brush his teeth and drink cold water. But lastly he would stop on the door just beside his and take a quiet peek on the bundle under the covers beside the window and grit his teeth.

If you are going to leave me anyway, I wouldn’t need to get used to you being around here in the first place.

He had adjusted himself quite well to live his life and go on his daily routines without a certain blonde by his side, but there would always be a shadow of him from behind, a trail of his smell in the air, a whisper of his voice in the blowing wind and a hovering touch that made Sasuke feel as if the blonde’s ghost was there following him, watching over him. It had been like that from the last weeks of March to the beginning weeks of April.

It was the last day of March then, Naruto didn’t even get the chance to talk to Sasuke because of the mob of fan girls swarming around him to get their pictures taken. What the hell? He’s so intent on avoiding me that he managed to bear with those girls!? Naruto thought absurd, noting about the dark clouds forming up above their heads, it was supposed to be hot that day according to the news so why’s the wind getting a lot of friggin’ cold!? Yes, yes, he knew the wind from Siberia was still blowing towards Japan but it said so in the news!

With all those girls ‘lynching’ him Naruto was sure Sasuke wouldn’t be able to get out in the middle of it that easy even though his family was already waiting for them in the car outside the school gate. The blonde met with Fugaku and Mizuki in the car, the couple congratulating him of making it to first honorable mention since Neji took the title of Salutatorian and Sasuke the Valedictorian title.

There was a victory party in the house of the Uchihas, a closed family dinner that even Itachi attended since it was already his spring break from his college abroad.

“You really surprised me Naruto, besides bagging that first place position in the nationals for that swimming competition, you ranked equal to that pony-tailed guy. I heard his I.Q. is over 200.” Mizuki’s dark eyes glittered with pride as she put a huge second serving of spaghetti and two pieces of chicken in Naruto’s plate, the more Naruto grows up, the more she remembers his father, their huge appetites were even the same.

“Ehe… You know Neji? He’s the one who helped me a lot, especially in math. If he hadn’t told me I had potential I wouldn’t have entertained the idea.” But since I want to make Sasuke proud…

“That long-haired young man who comes by here to visit often? Mizuki is that the trend right now? Even Itachi grows his hair. Sasuke too, what’s wrong with children these days? They’re not gay are they?” Fugaku thought aloud, getting a spoonful of curry and rice in his mouth, the only Japanese dish in the table of western foods, ever since childhood Fugaku had always avoided anything western about his food. Too much preservatives, too much color, and too much tastes he said, since he preferred the simple Japanese dishes.

“I didn’t grow it on purpose, I just always forget to cut it since I don’t have time. And no, I may not like women, since they are troublesome but I do not like men in that way.”

That’s just plain horrendous… but if it’s blondie then…

Itachi from beside Naruto answered his father’s musing simply, Naruto remembered, Sasuke’s hair was also growing near the length of Itachi’s own, down to his midriff when pony-tailed. Speaking of the bastard, where’s he? Naruto asked in his head as his eyes darted off towards the door.

“Hey, you want me to cut it for you? My friend from the barber shop I always go to taught a bit of stuff since I’m a regular there.” Itachi smirked at Naruto’s offer, putting his hand over the blonde’s head to ruffle it a little.

“No thanks blondie. I’ll leave that to the professionals…”

“Yes, we wouldn’t want a missing ear blocking the vacuum now won’t we.” Mizuki chuckled, wiping her mouth tainted with red from the spaghetti she just finished eating.

“Oh come on. Yeah sure I’m clumsy, but I’m not that dumb to not see the difference between hair and flesh.” Naruto pouted, his lower lip sticking out, and Itachi fought the urge to pull it. The blondie he was secretly fond of ever since childhood was just so cute.

“Haa… looks like Sasuke won’t be coming anytime soon, dear let’s just clean this up and save him some. ‘k?”

Fugaku nodded in agreement, cleaning up his own plate with his last spoon of curry. “He told me he would be late since he’s going to attend a friend’s victory party. Some girl… named Haruno.”

“More likely he was dragged-slash-obliged to it. I doubt he’d be coming back early. Since that girl looked like she’d planned on detaining him in her house no matter what.” Itachi thought with a cold shiver how that girl studded with freckles stared at him openly with gooey puppy like eyes like a dog drooling over a piece of red meat. It made him thankful Sasuke was born, then those girls would have a distraction, he just wished his brother was with him in Canada.

“Get in line. That Sakura… she used to like me more. Why are all girls fickle?” Naruto sighed, Mizuki’s protest of his comment ringing in his ears while his empty plate was put off the table by the woman.

“Blondie, when you get to college you’d be worried more about avoiding them than looking for them.”

“True.” Mizuki shot Fugaku a look when the man agreed so quickly at Itachi’s comment with a chuckle, she remembered how her husband dominated the women population of that Mass. Com. Building in Todai.

As Fugaku cleared his throat not liking the promise of ‘no sleeping in the same bed or I’ll fucking castrate you honey’ on Mizuki’s dangerously narrowed eyes he outright changed the subject, dark eyes leading to the window starting to get wet from the beginning rain showers of that evening.

“Looks like it’s going to be a rainy night today Naruto. There was a news flash on t.v. today. A storm just came in.”

“Haa… well it’s expected I guess, although it won’t be some simple rain shower. I wouldn’t be surprised if it rained ice cubes later.” Fugaku let out a sigh of relief when he saw Mizuki relax as she went to the kitchen with their empty plates. Itachi proceeded to go upstairs his room and finish his vice city game and Fugaku wondered why Naruto was heading the same way Itachi was going.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Itachi just shrugged his shoulders and placed himself back on the swivel chair in front of his study to look at the scores, he topped again. The moment Naruto had invited himself inside Itachi’s room and flopped on his stomach on the bed, he hadn’t budged since, he would only stare at Itachi’s back while the sounds of cars racing and crashing sound effects echoed from his LCD computer the size of a twenty-five inch rectangular flat screen t.v. and the sound of heavy rain attacked the windows.

It was already eleven thirty in the evening, three hours since they had finished dinner and the mild rain shower from earlier gradually switched to a loud thunder storm.

“You want me to make you some ice coffee?” Naruto offered, already straightening up from Itachi’s bed.

“Sure. Get some snacks too. Want to watch a movie blondie?” Naruto’s face lit up at the suggestion, ever since he could remember Itachi had always called him that, it was nice.

By the time Naruto had gone back to Itachi’s room the movie was already playing the cast of characters on his p.c., Itachi was reclining on his single bed opposite the study desk where his computer was set up and smirked at Naruto’s approaching form carrying a tray of Doritos, popcorns and of course, their ice coffee.

Naruto placed himself beside Itachi in the same position, his back against the headboard, while on his lap was the giant bowl of Doritos, Itachi took to liking to the cheese powder covered popcorns, sipping on his beer glass of ice coffee ever now and then. The two of them knew that they weren’t really concentrating on the video, Itachi was aware how every time the sound of thunder would pierce the air, the blonde’s shoulders would tense. He could feel it of course, since through the playing of the movie his arm had unconsciously gone around to wrap around the blonde’s shoulders, and the blonde had unconsciously leaned on the larger man’s side while their laps under the covers were weighed with snacks.

“Itachi?”

Finally. The raven thought with a sigh.

“Hn?” Both eyes were fixed on the screen, but none of their thoughts were in it.

“Do you think what I did was wrong?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know, when I decided to be independent. Am I really selfish like Sasuke said? I just didn’t want to be a burden anymore. I want to graduate and work already so I can help uncle Fugaku and aunt Mizuki quickly.”

“You’re not selfish. You’re just impatient.”

“Huh?” This time the blonde looked up at Itachi, but the man’s eyes remained in the same direction earlier.

“It’s normal to be indecisive. When I was your age I went through the same. But with different reasons. Unlike you who had to struggle thinking about how you would like for your future to go, it was backwards for me. I was indecisive of the future given to me. No matter what, I’m expected to run the publishing house, no walls, no obstacles. So before that time comes, I wanted to see if that’s all there is to it for me. I wanted to see, if that’s the only thing I’m capable of doing.”

“Okay… getting there… but not quite.” Naruto nodded to accent his words, thinking on those words carefully. He was surprised since it was actually the first time he’d seen Itachi say so much in one sitting.

“I have time until after I graduate. When I told this about dad, he told me to think about it while I’m in Canada. There’re many opportunities for me, but I haven’t found out the right career path for me. He said he wouldn’t force the two of us to head the publishing, he’d rather have someone go do it instead of seeing me hate every moment of it or regret about it.”

“Wow… deep stuff huh.”

“As for your question, I think what I think is not important.”

“Huh?” This time Itachi moved to look straight at the teen’s confused eyes.

“You’ve made this decision for yourself, thinking about all the consequences that might follow and what might happen if you do decide to do it. What’s important is what you think of it, are you confident about your decision?”

Naruto remained silent for a while, pondering on those words and searching for the answer to come out of his mouth. “Actually yes, but I couldn’t say that I didn’t hesitate at first. I… didn’t want to part with Sasuke and you and your parents, but I won’t know how to live on my own if I’m always relying on Sasuke or your parents for support. You know, since childhood I think I’ve always been weak. I wouldn’t study if there was no one who would study with me, or go to the supermarket without Sasuke even though I was already eight years old. I realized, what would happen to me if Sasuke or your parents weren’t there? I wanted to be able to see that I could stand on my own, and I can only do that if Sasuke’s not there.”

For you Naruto, that obstacle is your ties with Sasuke. Unlike what you’re thinking, Sasuke’s the one who’s dependent on you. Like a kid who wouldn’t let go from suckling his mother’s breast. It would stunt your growth as a person.

“I want to be strong… for me to gain Sasuke’s trust on my own decisions.”

I agree. Since ever since childhood, he’s always one to refuse with your decisions, like the school you wanted to attend in middle school.

“I want him to believe that I can do things on my own.”

Sadly. That was what Sasuke was afraid of. For you to be able to live on your own without him.

“But sometimes, it’s alright for you to rely on others and ask for their support. Like this one time.” Naruto tensed once again as the sound of thunder roared from outside, he couldn’t stop from trembling as his hands quickly moved to clutch on Itachi’s side as he buried his head deep in the crook of the man’s neck, Itachi’s arms wrapping around him to an embrace.

A memory from that dark stormy night amidst the hellish glow of fires, the sound of thunders and the screams from his mother’s mouth, the gasps from his father fighting for air, and that familiar warmth when he was cocooned in two bodies, one hard chest against his face and the other’s soft breasts at the back of his head, shielded from the big block of wood supporting the ceiling of their apartment that fell over them and the fires fast approaching as if crawling on the floor.

It had plagued his dreams, which would always end from him thrashing about on his new bed, getting himself wrapped on his blanket and fall on the floor gasping, crying and sweating heavily from the nightmare of that unforgettable moment. And then there would always be that broad chest against his head, long arms around his back and soft whispers of comfort from that tender voice.

Sasuke… he remembered, it felt like this too every time Sasuke would embrace him, a soft silk like feeling against his skin with the dark long strands tickling his cheek, and the smell of ice coffee in the air. And he surrendered in the demon of sleep.

Sasuke didn’t know how he made it to his house with all those girls detaining him with nonsense excuses and obvious force. Oh right. He threw his jacket in the air and slipped stealthily on the gate the moment they fought over the material like bride’s maids fighting over a fresh bouquet.

Thus resulting from him getting wet in the hard rain. The first he did when he stepped inside the property land of the Uchiha was strip his clothes on the door way, he didn’t care of his nudity, as far as he’s concerned they were all asleep and marched on the bathroom to get inside the bath, the steam coming from the shower heating his cold upper body while the lower half was immersed in the tub filled with water where it was heated to scalding temperatures, not something the youngest Uchiha couldn’t bear.

When he threw his wet clothes in his hamper right after dressing, he remembered why he got home unexpectedly early, his plan was to stay there in the party until twelve or one when he knew the dobe was asleep, and he remembered, the dobe would never sleep during this kind of weather.

The sound of thunder rolled from the unforgiving dark clouds, blocking the moon, hiding the stars that used to grace the night.

And he marched with as much silence as possible to the door beside his and was more than shocked as he stared incredulous on the untouched made up bed inside. From just taking a peek he proceeded to walking inside entirely, and then he became aware of the loud volume of people talking and sound effects coming from the wall separating Naruto’s room to Itachi’s own.

No way that that dobe’s in there. No fucking way. Sasuke was thinking that but his feet was already dragging his body in front of the man’s room, he didn’t need to dread of being found out that he was peeking, since the door’s lock wasn’t well placed so it wouldn’t make a sound even if maybe he twisted it a little and maybe pushed it forward a little…

Itachi was there, being his usual stoic self raising the volume of the television even further as if to drown the sounds of the thunder outside, he was talking, a lot but Sasuke couldn’t make up the words, he was far too enraged to look at Itachi’s mouth when he was glaring at the blonde beside him, looking as much intimate as the two could ever get.

Why is that fucking arm of yours over his shoulder!? And you dobe! Why are you encouraging him with that fucked up cute-arrrrgh!

Finally the movie took a silent turn, probably the fading sound was the beginning of the credits to roll and he heard it. ‘And I can only do that if Sasuke’s not around.’

It turned out that what they were watching was some Star wars, the sound of the orchestra filled the room and the rest of Naruto’s voice became muted with the volume. Sasuke fought with all the will to not slam that door close as he left it in that state, he didn’t know how long he had stayed rooted in that spot but when he managed to move, he more than briskly walked towards his room to slam it close and fall carelessly on his stomach on the bed.

I hate you. Even if you really did move out I wasn’t thinking of not forgiving you. Though we could not be lovers, we could always be friends, our parents are very good friends, your father co-owns the publishing house, no matter what happens even if we’re not together I can always see you. Friends stay friends to each other even after they part… that way… that way I can always be connected to you. You can always smile towards me every time we meet, we can always talk about everything like the old days. But you cut that connection. You are so cruel. I hate you.

“Sasuke? Sasuke, Naruto’s leaving… I know you two are still in an argument but can’t you at least see him off?” Mizuki knocked several times on Sasuke’s door, but it remained locked, ever since that argument-she couldn’t even say it was an argument- weeks ago her son had been locking himself up and doing everything in his power to avoid Naruto, even though she would always see Naruto either cooking in the kitchen or staying by Sasuke’s door with a tray of food like a loyal dog patiently waiting for his master.

“Sa-” Mizuki paused from calling out to her son, her hand lowering down from knocking on the door as Naruto got out of his room, a duffel bag in hand the blonde teen sadly shook his head with a forced up smile.

“Just leave it aunt Mizuki, he’s not home, I saw him leave earlier. He hasn’t come back yet.”

“If you were awake then why didn’t you talk to him then? For you to leave without making things up or even talking about it is just…” Sad. Mizuki sighed gravely at the situation of his son and godson.

“He wouldn’t listen, so there’s no point in insisting, it’d just lead to something bigger if we force things to go back to the way they’re used to. It’s better to give each other some space.” Itachi appeared from behind Naruto who had helped the blonde pack some things, and give some advice about living alone once in a while in the middle of their preparation.

“Haa… dear, you’ll come back for Christmas break right?” Naruto just chuckled at that.

“Sure, why sound like we’re not going to see each other again? I would be attending some summer activities so I won’t be able to go back for summer vacation, but there’s always Christmas…”

“Provided that you don’t slack off for you to attend supplementary lessons in the holidays.”

“Yes, yes, mother.”

“Hn.” Itachi would have embarrassed himself at blushing in front of Naruto from being called a mother hen indirectly had he not gotten down the stairs quickly, but he blushed anyway, since he could hear his mother and Naruto laughing at him from behind.

“Call us from time to time okay?”

“And letters too. Don’t worry. I’m tough!” The two looked down the stairs to the door of the living room leading to their garage when they heard Fugaku’s call, asking if things were ready or they’re going to be late. Their reply to that was walking to the van and putting the last of the blonde’s belongings inside.

“I had hoped that we would do this much later, when they’re already in college.” Fugaku slammed the back door of the van, locking it in while Itachi opened the gate.

“Well can’t be helped. This actually feels like seeing off your daughter to go to her husband’s care. Haaa…” Naruto just shrugged his shoulders, hopping in the back seat together with Itachi while Fugaku started to heat the engine. Mizuki seemed to share Ume’s affinity for androgynous beauty, actually there was a reason why she just let her sons grow their hair out, and why she insisted on leaving her husband’s bangs long though his hair at the back was cut…

“Well take care!” Mizuki waved at the departing back of the van, Naruto’s hand poking out of the window to wave back at her.

“Naruto you’ve really grown up didn’t you… you’ve grown tired of me… am I really that annoying? You don’t need me anymore because you already have Itachi?” That monotonous voice echoed in the dark room.

From the window overlooking the roofless garage Sasuke took a peek from the opening of his dark curtains, a streak of light illuminating his face as he rested his back on the headboard and strained his neck to see the departing car. From his view he could see Naruto talking to Itachi inside the van through the opened window shield.

Just then, the whites were exposed above the black pupils because of the way he was looking down outside, just then his eyes didn’t appear so black anymore, it was pallid gray with little lines of the darkest of blue… his lids were opened so wide it was hurting in the corners, but he didn’t feel that… he didn’t care.

The eyes of a dead fish. Naruto’s eyes had looked like that once, during his parents’ funerals he didn’t talk to anyone, he didn’t move when he was put on a certain place, he didn’t sleep. He couldn’t sleep for a long time, and whenever a storm would arrive the nightmares wouldn’t leave him if someone didn’t go to bed with him.

Naruto. What if there’s a storm in there? Would you ask Neji to come sleep with you?

“Damn it!” Sasuke pushed the curtains close roughly, the middle of his forehead folded in creases while his brows were nearly meeting as he grit his teeth.

Losing Naruto was equivalent to losing Sasuke’s family altogether. Sasuke couldn’t afford for that feeling to break him again, he had no family now, if Naruto was going to leave him he might just as well die or break the bond they have to form a new one he was sure Naruto wouldn’t be able to escape.

Naruto stepped back in surprise as Sasuke quickly stood up from his seat, knocking the chair down.

“Sasuke wha-Sa-” Sasuke literally threw himself on the blonde, the both of them crashing but Naruto being hurt in the least when Sasuke’s arms guarded his head and back against the hard floor underneath him.

“Sasuke?” True. Sasuke may appear mature and self assured to everyone but when he’s with Naruto all of that flies directly out the window. To Naruto, being with Sasuke was like living with a child. Who throws tantrums if he wasn’t given what he wants, pouts, gets angry for the smallest of reasons, possessive, selfish, and always wants your attention. So naturally Naruto’s hand went to rub on the larger man’s back, not really finding it comfortable to be sandwiched between the floor and a huge heavy guy.

“You’re not going to leave me?” It was a tone Sasuke would unconsciously use solely for Naruto, as if the man had suddenly regressed back to childhood, Naruto answered with a reassuring yes.

“Yeah, didn’t I tell you? You’re stuck with me.”

*And yes, another chapter is finished. Another perversion of my mind fulfilled. Somehow I get the feeling that this gets darker and darker by the minute, but, well if it’s Sasuke there’s no point in him being there if it wasn’t dark. He just brings this dark aura surrounding him, the same thing as when Naruto brings sunshine into our perverted lives… when you look at him it just doesn’t suit him to smile and be kind. He should be rough, proud, selfish and jealous… and a bastard. That way it contradicts to Naruto’s personality.

When I first started to think up this story I had pictured this to be a light comedic three part one shot, but when I look at it now… -looks at the screen with a scrunched up nose- and before I knew it Sasuke’s thoughts about getting Naruto was getting darker with every chapter. Well, Sasuke wouldn’t be Sasuke if his parents didn’t die and the same goes for Naruto if he wasn’t left alone by his parents when they died, well at least he had parents, and I somehow liked Itachi to not be an ass to Sasuke just this once, although Sasuke thinks other wise.

There are many long-haired guys in these fic ne? Neji would be making an abrupt appearance… ehehe although he would only be in less than one chapter and there’re no dialogues involved… the titles of the chapters are getting creepier by the minute too… I really should go and sleep for a while. Maybe I should consult a psycho-something… just a couple of chapters, maybe two or three left to go. Don’t worry this is finally coming to an end, because I know the feeling of being anxious and frustrated while waiting for an update… oh kami… I’m remembering again… the paiiiiiin…. Ugh.