Shinobi Grape Juice

Title: A Lesson In Misdirection
Genre: Humor/Romance
Characters: Iruka, Kakashi and many more (Kakashi/Iruka and others implied)
Rating: PG-13 (uh... kissage)
Summery: Do not interrupt the sensei's class. Ever.
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. Don't own, don't make money. It's merely for my own amusement.

“Isn’t there anyone else you can annoy?” Iruka deadpanned. He took a sip from his ‘worlds greatest sensei’ mug. Mmm caffeine goodness.

“Possibly,” his stalker shrugged.

Hunching his shoulders and leaning further over the cluttered desk, red pen in hand, he continued grading. Another sip.

“So…” he ventured a glance.

“So…?” The silver-haired shinobi drawled.

“Why don’t you go… annoy them.” He ground out.

“But you’re cuter,” the nin whined.

Taking in a deep, long, should-be-calming-but-really-really-wasn’t breath, the teacher set his pen down. “I am not cute.”

Unawares of the impending danger radiating towards his person, the silver-haired stalker leered. “No? Well how about attractive, stimulating, intense, delectable…?”

A hand shot into the air. Iruka-sensei gave his best ‘if you say what I think you’re going to say, I will kill you dead’ glare. “Yes?”

“He has a point.” The older student mischievously tilted the senbon between his lips, saying exactly what the chuunin had expected.

“Shiranui-san,”

“No, it’s true.” A scarred nin nodded in agreement with his boyfriend. “You’re very hot.”

Beside the now blushing chuunin-sensei, the smug Hatake’s eye curved into a very happy ‘U’. “See.”

“Please, everyone…” Iruka rubbed the bridge of his nose trying to hid the embarrassed blush.

“Come on sensei,” Yuuhi Kurenai twirled a finger through her long locks, much like a school-girl. Red eyes evaluating. “You can’t seriously be that naive? Just about every shinobi in Leaf-”

“Wants a piece of sweet chuunin ass.” Kakashi cut in echoing a previous conversation he‘d had.

The entire class nodded.

“Gods…” Iruka whispered.

“No.” Izumo, hiding in the back row, shook his head. “Umino.”

Said Umino whimpered. He knew helping the chuunin and jounin community brush up on their basics would come back to haunt him. Why did they even have regulation brush-up classes? It wasn’t as if anyone needed them. Well perhaps Raidou, but surely he’d learnt his ‘explosive tags explode’ lesson in Grass Country? No one could possibly burn three-fifths of their body with a stupid genin mistake and not learn from it, right? They were high ranking chuunin and jounin, they didn’t need an Academy sensei to tell them dying was BAD. Couldn’t he have this time for more productive things… like hiding in a deep, dark, hole somewhere? Away from crazy jounin and prying chuunin. Well, couldn’t he?

“…with the back of his throat.”

Iruka’s head shot up. “Shut the hell up, Genma!” he all but yelped.

“I know what you mean.” Came a voice far too close. That damn sharingan bastard had perched himself on the corner of the sensei’s desk. “There’s this little trick he does, but you have to be-”

“No!” The mild-mannered teacher maliciously launched the nearest object at the emphatic bastard. “Shut up, shut the hell up! What’s wrong with you people? You’re here to LEARN, not discuss the in’s and out’s of MY personal life!”

“In’s and out’s, ne sensei?” A voice suspiciously similar to Kotetsus’ questioned.

“Work.” Iruka glared down his class. “You have a twenty-thousand worded essay to hand in before Ibiki-sama lets anyone pass. And I will be grading ALL of them BEFORE they’re filed. Remember who your assessors are. Grammar counts people. If I‘m unsatisfied, there will be a re-write. No one gets payed work until this course is complete.” Pulling Shizune’s assessment from the top of his files, Iruka finished. “Have I made myself clear?”

There was a unanimous ‘yes sensei’ before they returned to the curriculum at hand.

The sensei’s grin morphed into a glare. This threat had no hold against the great Copy-Nin of Konoha. He’d completed his course the month before, albeit, without actually attending any classes. ‘Lost on the path of life’ translated to something like: slept in, visited memorial stone, read porn, ate lunch, molested boyfriend, read porn, won challenge with Gai, read more porn. At least he’d actually handed in a report - a legible report to great surprise. Something about despicable dolphins and sleeping on the couch.

Closing the gap between himself and his flustered boyfriend, the bastard argued. “But I like that thing you do with the back of your throat.”

“KAKASHI!”

The entire chuunin-jounin student body started. Indeed they were all high-ranking Leaf shinobi whom had long ago learnt to quell their startled reactions, but Iruka-sensei was scary, damnit. Almost unconscious of the movement, Genma shuffled his desk and chair closer to Raidou. His thoughts were somewhat hoping ‘safety in numbers’. Catching on to the senbon loving ninja’s thought’s, Kurenai inched herself closer to Asuma. In a welcoming response, he nodded.

“But sensei…” Kakashi whined.

“Does he want to die?” Both Raidou and Genma turned in their seats to face Nara Shikamaru. Equally surprised by the boys reaction, they stared, mouths slightly ajar - Genma’s senbon hanging precariously in the balance. Noticing little more then the disbanded Team Seven sensei’s soon-to-be demise, the shadow user lent back once again. His eyes closing over. “Tch. Too troublesome.”

The pair turned back in time to catch their ‘sensei’ stalk around his desk and stand tall before the jounin. He held up an accusing finger. “Listen you pervert…”

“Why does everyone keep saying that? I am NOT a pervert!” The proud owner of every Icha Icha volume complained. Sliding from the desk, Kakashi planted himself mere inches from the enraged and blushing chuunin. Meh. He gave a mental shrug. Waste not want not. He leered.

“Liar!” Erupted an entire ninja classroom, with one exception. That of course being the dozing Nara clan member.

“Alright, enough!” The sensei spun around on his class, hands on hips. Mustering every bit of menace he could for the known and feared ‘Teacher’s Voice’, he boomed. “If I can’t keep you interested for even one simple lesson on exploding tags, perhaps we should move onto the next lesson. Please, everyone pull out the scroll Hokage-sama provided and it’s accompanying book. We’ll be continuing with subtly disarming ones enemies - the breaking of ninja barriers.”

Turning back to his interfering boyfriend, the chuunin-sensei’s brow arched. “How about a demonstration?”

Now, from a purely academic view point one had to wonder. If the legendary Copy-Nin of Konoha had been thinking with anything other then his smaller and less intelligent head, would he have noticed the rather dubious glint in his lovers eyes? If he’d been thinking with more then the downward spiral of blood, would he have noticed the startling cherry-blush stemmed across his dolphins cheeks that had not been provoked by some lecherous comment or behavior?

Yes, indeed it was agreed upon, that had Hatake Kakashi actually been thinking at all, he would have suspected something awry. But clearly for the jounin in question, when it came to his amatory chuunin, all higher cell functioning took an open vacation. Really, the poor man had no chance.

“Kakashi,” Iruka’s hand sat gently against the vest of his lover. “Koi.” He paused. “I need to finish this class before the genin teams arrive. Maybe…” he paused again, taking the necessary step to hold his body flush against the silver-haired shinobi’s. “Maybe you could come back… after?”

The teacher shot a quick glance over his shoulder checking his classes observation skills. With what he was about to do, they’d better be watching.

Kakashi swallowed.

Gently smiling into the single eye of the man he was fast falling for, Iruka looped both arms around the taller shoulders and began a gentle sway. One slow step at a time, he continued the motion. Kakashi’s body moved on auto pilot. Every small nudging step his lover took, the sharingan wielder would step back allowing room for another. The chuunin’s lips brushed against his covered ones, a small sigh curling heatedly along his mask.

Positioning his body so the jounin's face was hidden, Iruka slid both hands along firm uniform covered shoulders. Slowly he lead his way along the others collarbone, throat, chin, cheeks and finished by tracing fine silvered eyebrows before carefully hooking a few digits into the black material and pulling down.

Chastely he kissed those soft moist lips. “I’d really, really like it if you could come back to me at the end of all these classes, Kashi-koi.” He kissed the nin a little more forcefully. “If you’d just restrain a little, then maybe… after we could… we…” the chuunin’s voice went from the barely audible whisper his students could still understand to something a little lower, a little more sultry and much more private.

No one heard what made the Copy-Nin’s eye widen, or what made him nod so carefully as though he feared the movement to cause this sure illusion to break. They didn't hear, but still they watched in awe.

Iruka pulled back from the man’s ear and nipped at the soft bottom lip encouragingly. He pressed a little closer, grinning and deepening the kiss that followed. Together, one slow step forward, one unnoticed step back, they came to a stop. The chuunin-sensei felt it when his lovers legs bumped into something solid. As a distraction, he tugged his lover impossibly close turning the kiss from something long and loving to a thing of teeth and tongue, lips and bruising.

His class, for all the world appeared as though caught in a genjutsu. If it wasn’t for the lightly snoring Nara somewhere mid-center, the enchantment would have been believable. Either way, they all continued to watch in silence as their ‘sensei’ gently and sensually manoeuvred the sharingan user into place.

Iruka slid himself between Kakashi’s legs, forcing the man to sit on the waist-high surface behind them. With one hand keeping himself steady against the jounin’s chest, the other ran up and along a strong jaw line before reaching for his favorite vice - those silky, gravity-defying locks. He felt pale slender fingers loosening his hair-band and moaned one last time before the couple mutually pulled apart gasping for air. A string of saliva dipped between them.

Eyes ablaze, the chuunin gently removed his entangled hand using it to slid the black mask back into place. Settling his palm against the solid vest of his jounin lover, Iruka patted the material lightly. Silently panting, he lent forward nipping the now covered jaw before him, waiting for those slender fingers to release their hold.

Compliantly, Kakashi removed his limbs, lightly tracing circles on the younger mans flushed cheeks. Iruka’s head tilted ever so slightly as he lent forward for one last chaste cloth-covered kiss. When his face moved back into the jounin’s peripheral, there was a smug smile. Kakashi got a single brow raised before Iruka pushed.

The last thing anyone saw was a wide eye and strangled yelp. Then Hatake Kakashi, legend of Konoha, genius, disappeared from the open window. A loud clunk soon following some meters below.

The academy window slammed shut.

Turning back to the stunned, almost scandalized mob of chuunin and jounin students, Iruka blatantly ignored the burning blush along the bridge of his nose in favor of grinning like a mad man. He strode to the blackboard, picked up a piece of chalk and wrote ‘page 103’ in large, unmistakable kanji.

“Disarming your opponent is always a priority. A shinobi’s life dictates that sometimes there will be no weapons. You’re mind, your body, will be all the tool you need. Calculate your opponent carefully, and never show weakness. We do what must be done to fight, to live, to carry on with our mission.” Triumphantly the chuunin added, “And occasionally, to teach.”

Quite suddenly the classroom was filled with pen scratches and ruffled paper. Every high-ranking ninja working furiously to finish their report and get the hell out. Iruka-sensei wasn’t just scary, he was alarmingly resourceful and had, unblinkingly, just outmanoeuvred Konoha’s greatest weapon.

Amongst the flurry of paperwork, sat one Iruka-sensei-graduate gently smiling while feigning sleep. It didn’t take a genius to work out what one man was made of. Especially when that one man had taught a Nara, Akimichi, Hyuuga, Inuzuka, Uchiha and Uzumaki all in the same class, for an entire year. He’d earned the right to be just a little ambiguous.

The chuunin-sensei continued grinning, a lesson well taught.

“Tch. Troublesome.”


-TBC-