He Can't Let Go

A/N: And I’m back with another chapter! It’s back to the original length, unlike the last one. Hopefully some sexually deprived readers will be subdued since it’s taken up a notch, now. Thank MAKandCHEESE and Kaka/Sasu_4ever for that, they kept me up with their sexiness, haha! The best stuff is yet to come! And I’m really hungry so that’s all I have to say. =P

Omgosh and…


“I am utterly drunk and sleeping in my car.” Thanks to my friend for making my night at 2:32 AM, I am writing this because I can’t stop laughing at him. He’s crazy if he thinks I’m picking him up, haha.


Streets of Konoha were deserted, civilians long ago having retired. Rather than relaxing, Sasuke tensed further, proceeding with an extra layer of caution. Should someone be watching him right now, there was no crowd or henge to hide behind. Security may have been lax when he first came, but attack was ten times more likely to occur under the shadow of darkness so guards were going to be very perceptive of anything considered odd.

He crossed the town in a fluid-like sneak. Bending gracefully to avoid patches of light, he would hug the walls of buildings like a magnet, conforming to their shape and all the while traveling soundlessly. Had it not been too risky, Sasuke would certainly have chosen a route at a higher altitude. Unfortunately, even the slight chakra needed to boost his jumps from roof to roof had the chance to trigger suspicion, so he was left to creep by ground.

He could have been there ten minutes ago…and if Kakashi were with him, the man would have no problem in pointing that out. Truth was, Sasuke didn’t know what he was doing. By dragging his feet purposefully and putting off the inevitable, he tried to believe his mind would sort out all this mess and find a rational course of action. Logic came sluggishly, and he was reminded.

Rational thought hadn’t been used in quite some time.

Turning into the nearest blackened alley, Sasuke slumped his back against a brick wall dejectedly. He slid down it defeated, landing weightlessly in a seated position on rough, jagged gravel. It was dirty, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to stand again. Taking a deep breath, he held it for several seconds before letting it out slowly. Other than a pleasing deflation in his chest, Sasuke felt no better.

Things had gone so far from what he planned, it felt like he didn’t even know anything anymore. Not even himself. His entire impenetrable mindset he’d constructed while gone had crumbled and washed away, leaving him feeling naked, vulnerable. Subjected to so many crippling emotions: pain, regret, guilt…happiness, he couldn’t handle it. His spine curved as he dropped into a helpless slouch, face buried in his hands. Itachi killed everyone!

So why couldn’t he feel angry at anyone but himself right now?

It was wrong. So wrong. He’d wanted Kakashi so badly when he was younger. Maybe not sexually, in fact he’d never thought about it, but he just wanted him. To be near him, to confide in him, to feel cared about by someone again…even back then that side sickened him. It was weak. It was pathetic. He tried so violently to crush that part of himself, to kill it off completely. However, the more effort he put into it, the stronger it seemed to grow.

It overtook him completely at one point, and he was allowed to enjoy a life where his parents weren’t murdered. A life where his brother wasn’t a ruthless killer. A life where he could just spend the rest of his days fighting along Team Seven, without a further care in the world.

All it took was his brother’s hand squeezing air from his neck and moving through his chidori like nothing to shatter it. That was a fantasy. Never a reality. He’d been foolish, thinking he could live that way. Vengeance had been tattooed on his very soul that day seven years ago, and to deny it was to deny his very purpose. The entirety of Konoha, Kakashi included, had succeeded in pulling the veil over his eyes once, and he vowed to never let it happen again.

It was happening again.

“You won’t leave in the middle of the night, will you?”

Why did Kakashi have to ask those things? Now he couldn’t leave because he said he wouldn’t.

He felt so terrible. Unaccustomed to the tense knots in his stomach, they stressed him even more. Disgusted with himself, he came to a shaky stand. He was not going to have a breakdown in this damn alleyway. He wasn’t five, and he wasn’t some sort of fool ruled by his emotions. He had to look at this from a shinobi standpoint. The mission was to extract information on Kakashi’s mangekyo in order to reveal a different way to obtain his own. He’d followed in Itachi’s footsteps enough as a child, it was time to make his path, and that meant rebelling against his brother’s preferred method.

That seemed to work. Seeing it as an official task rather than a personal endeavor allowed Sasuke to redirect his thoughts back onto a reasonable track. He’d calmed significantly, and fought to keep it that way. Another misstep and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to recover. With a serious and business-like expression, he returned to the vacant street. Now, mind cleared, he was able to move at a pace much more up to his speed, taking extra care not to turn his head when he passed Konoha’s entrance gate so he wouldn’t be tempted to run.

Toeing off his shoes as he walked in, Sasuke found Kakashi’s apartment was as dull as he expected it to be. Boring, tan carpet was further accentuated by boring off-white walls. To his left, he spared a glance into the kitchen. Everything was kept immaculately clean. But then again…there wasn’t a single object sitting on the counter, so nothing really had a chance to get dirty in the first place. The small, wooden dining table looked straight out of a catalog in the way it was unused, along with the four petite chairs placed as precisely as directions on a compass.

Pressing on, Sasuke peered into the large expanse of space ahead, assuming it to be the living room. There, at least the couch looked broken in, the black leather appearing worn and thinning in some spots. Other than that, it was particularly vacant aside from a pillow randomly tossed in an empty corner. Just next to it was a flimsy screen door, which he knew would lead out to the balcony, he thought with a shiver, and to the opposite side was another little hallway.

Turning down it, he was met with two tall white doors. On the left, entrance being mostly obscured but not completely, Sasuke guessed the room beyond to be Kakashi’s. Hesitating for a second, he passed it in favor of the room on the right. He didn’t exactly feel like in prying around Kakashi’s stuff just yet…perhaps later.

He’d located the bathroom, he realized with some relief. It was likely the tiniest room in the house, only providing enough room for a shower, toilet, and sink. The white pigments of everything in the room nearly blinded him when he flipped the lightswitch, causing him to shield his eyes from the reflected rays. Did Kakashi piss in the dark? How did he deal with this everyday? After waiting nearly thirty seconds, he came to understand that the blazing lights had in no way dimmed and his eyes were continuing to water.

Well, he needed to shower more than anything right now. Most of his day had consisted of running around outside and sleeping in the woods, and Sasuke was surprised he’d lasted this long feeling so grimy. However, attempting to shower and save his vision with these lights on would be impossible.

Grumpily, he stalked back to the king of all light switches and flipped it off, making note to never touch it again. Eventually, back out in the hall, he managed to locate another switch. Once turned on, the narrow walkway was bathed in a tranquil golden glow from a lamp overhead. Unfortunately, this barely illuminated the bathroom, but Sasuke supposed it was better than nothing. This also meant the bathroom door would have to stay open, but Kakashi wasn’t due back until the morning and he’d already locked the front door so it wasn’t that big of a concern.

Hunting around for a towel and other bathroom necessities, he was finally ready to hop in. After stripping hastily and closing the thin plastic door behind him, Sasuke hissed satisfyingly as the too-hot water cascaded down his spine, gluing the lower half of black hair to a pale neck. He spent a moment to just stand there, unmoving as his body adjusted, mouth expelling a pleasured sigh and remaining open to regulate breathing. He was content with his decision not to leave, not when he’d be missing out on this.

As his head tipped back, dark eyelashes fluttered and eyes rolled to the back of his head. Boiling jets of water shot out and plastered his hair to his scalp and forehead, and Sasuke felt himself ground out a low moan. He didn’t care, this felt so good.

Once thoroughly wet, he began to scrub away the dirt. With nimble fingers, he massaged the soap into his muscled skin, relieving any tension yet to melt away. Leaning away from the spray against the wall, eyes blinked down to watch between dripping tendrils. Drizzling above caused the layer of soap on his chest to dilute, tiny bubbles trailing down the center ridges of his abs and filling his bellybutton, only stopping upon being netted in an opaque thatch of hair to the south.

With an index finger, he absently followed the same path, reveling in the feel of his own toned stomach. Starting to look like Kakashi’s…He paused once he’d reached the base of his abdomen, observing the dark strands beginning in a line just below. His would be lighter than mine…a blush stained his cheeks when the thought sunk in, but he didn’t look away. In fact…the gaze floated a bit further down, observing limp flesh that suddenly didn’t look so limp anymore. He swallowed. Did he really want Kakashi?

Yes.

It was such a blunt answer; it sent a flare of excitement through his groin. Despite saturated strands concealing his vision completely now, he still felt the unmistakable muscle clench associated with his cock twitching and a flare of heat having nothing to do with the water temperature.

He did. There was no tiptoeing around the subject. There was no more pretending he didn’t remember what he dreamt about when he woke up sweating and panting. No more dismissing the twinges of pleasure he got when someone said Kakashi’s name. And no more helpless fantasizing about a masked man giving him orgasms intense enough to make him scream. The lock on that part of his brain had exploded in a million pieces the moment he thought Kakashi was going to kiss him. Now, it was time to admit it.

He didn’t need to see in order to know his cock was fully hard now. He could feel the head extending in an upward curve and brushing sensitively against his lower torso in a ticklish and sensory-heightening manner. When he made to grab it with no reluctance, it was confirmed his lack of sight made it even better. Groaning unabashedly, knowing he was completely alone, he began a loose stroke downward. He swore he could feel the veins beneath force more blood further within his engorged flesh, for it seemed to only swell more under his palm against a tightened jerk back up.

Mind being free to enjoy whatever thoughts it conjured for the first time in a very long time, Sasuke felt himself fantasizing again. He didn’t try to suppress it, eager for any sort of image to enhance the amazing feeling.

Kakashi.

He let out a high-pitched whimper, hand speeding up on its own accord.

Kakashi kneeling…in front of me.

Pants and gasps seemed to only inhale watery steam, rising up and misting the air, and thus began to sound more desperate and needy.

Fully…clothed and…wet.

The sharp prickling of pleasure only struck him more violently as the visual became more and more real.

…No mask.

His entire body twitched, skull smacking back audibly against the stall. It went unnoticed. All nerves were honing in on an organ so hard it was likely to burst. Moans came once every one or two deep breaths now, inhales tinged with a gasping sound, and exhales laced with the tiniest of screams. Precum seemed to be pouring out at this point, drops sliding down and catching on the knuckles of his index finger each time he stroked over the tip.

S-Sucking…my…

The thought went unfinished. He’d reached the point of detachment from his brain, all senses working together to bring Sasuke over that final hump, preparing to crash down a tsunami that just kept building inside. So fast he pumped his cock, a muscle spasm erupted somewhere in his forearm, tightening his limb painfully. Still, he didn’t stop. Not when he was within seconds of coming and the Kakashi in his brain was poised below him, mouth open.

“A-Ah…oh god—Fuck!”

He felt his member seize dramatically, tightening in a rigid distended stance before feeling the wonderful toe-curling ecstasy as it began to shoot. Again and again thick, creamy liquid shot from his cock amid generous strokes and hyperventilating heaves, coating his bare toes below. Sasuke only felt the very last dribble out the hole before succumbing to the trembling numbness his legs had become, and collapsing completely.

Once recovered, he stepped out of the bathroom feeling the best he had in a long time. No, he didn’t feel good about jerking off to Kakashi in his own bathroom, but for once he didn’t feel guilty, disgusted, or in denial either. Something about doing that got everything out of his system…both literally and figuratively. He felt cleansed from the stigma that he should only ever focus on Itachi and leave no time for anyone else. Finally, he allowed himself to feel relaxed…and happy.

Refusing to re-wear dirty clothes, Sasuke was just fine in walking around in a towel, even if the air was slightly chilled in the apartment and gave him goose bumps. Sleep still seemed to escape him, so he contemplated what would pass the time while seated on Kakashi’s leather couch. The vacant, boring walls gave him no inspiration, but he stared at them anyway.

It was then that something occurred to him. Kakashi went out of his way to pull off a disinterested, mundane demeanor, even if his true personality wasn’t that way at all. Perhaps he did the same with his belongings…? Before the thought could even develop further evidence, Sasuke had risen again. The first time, he’d simply looked around, taken in all the rooms as they were and assuming that’s all they were. But he knew Kakashi. There had to be something more.

Quickly dropping to his knees, Sasuke bent low to look under the couch. It was still very dark in the room, so underneath he really couldn’t see a thing. Extending a pale arm out, he reached under, hoping Kakashi really was as clean as he appeared to be, only to pull it back out when he felt nothing but carpet. Sitting back on his heels, he scoffed. He knew he was right. And just ahead at eyelevel was his next destination.

Couch cushions.

Lifting them just enough to see beneath, he was nearly about to lower them in defeat when something caught his eye. Raising the middle cushion higher, he recognized just the bottom corner of a stack of papers. With a combination of lifting the cushion and wiggling the papers delicately so as not to rip it, Sasuke was eventually able to wrench it from the unrelenting piece of furniture, losing balance and falling backwards upon doing so.

Righting himself again, he thumbed through the stack curiously, frowning at the discolored and wrinkled state of the paper. Whatever this was, it was old. Everything written appeared in sloppy and rushed handwriting to the point where Sasuke could barely make anything out. He tried for a while on the first couple of pages, but what he read didn’t make much sense anyway. Having lost patience, he flipped the entire thing over, peering at the blankness of the back page. There, in the bottom corner.

Icha Icha…something…first draft…something…by Jiraiya...What the hell is this?

Why was he not surprised? Still…why would Kakashi hide this? It’s nothing different than the junk he carries around on a regular basis. Besides the fact this would be safer around kids since it’s illegible. He shoved it back hastily, uncaring if it got torn this time. That was ridiculous.

Moving this time into the kitchen, he wasn’t surprised when empty cabinets were nothing but empty cabinets. Kakashi really didn’t seem like the type to cook. Sasuke often recalled Kakashi accompanying Naruto to the ramen place after training. Without thinking, he grimaced. Ramen was at the bottom of his list of favorite foods. He’d eat it if Kakashi made it though…

Pulling open the lower-most cabinet, Sasuke was surprised. Dog food. Bags and bags of dog food stacked on top of each other and leaving no space in the little area for anything but. Now, for a minute, he felt stupid. Does Kakashi have a dog? Thinking back, he recalled their encounter with Zabuza so long ago. During that time, Kakashi had summoned ninken to his side…a large number of them. Sasuke felt confused. Did entities shinobi summon have the necessity to eat? Sure, Manda would devour live people, but Sasuke had a feeling that was a gesture of superiority from the snake rather than stemmed from an actual appetite.

Still, the half eaten bag was evidence enough. Maybe Kakashi fed them to further strengthen their bond in battle. Or maybe he just likes having something to take care of. Sasuke smiled slightly at the thought, yes that seemed more likely.

Exiting the kitchen, his upped level of observation brought his attention to something else he’d simply cast aside. Next to the front door, where Sasuke first took his sandals off, was a coat rack. A suspicious-looking coat rack that was completely covered by random articles of clothing. Nudging copious amounts of shirts and the like aside, Sasuke came to understand it was covered for a very good reason.

The second he saw the straw from the arm he knew exactly what it was. It was the scarecrow, a gag gift from Naruto, bought for Kakashi as a late birthday present a couple of years ago. Sakura had helped dress it up to look just like their sensei. Sasuke was the one who scoffed, thinking her stupid for covering up his right eye instead of his left one and for making his hair lean in the wrong direction, but said nothing. He waited until they both were out of eyesight, only then leaning in to fix it.

A smirk came across his face, remembering Kakashi’s reaction when he saw it.

“What is that?” Kakashi asked, eye widening in genuine curiosity.

“It’s you Kaka-sensei! Can’t you tell?” Naruto, loud as ever, shouted, pointing a finger accusingly at Kakashi.

“We all worked really hard on it!” Sakura spoke, voice brimming with emotion over their ‘teamwork’.

“Oh…even you Sasuke-kun?” Kakashi turned to him then, fixing him with an intent look.

“Hn.” Wouldn’t you like to know?

Kakashi smiled. He already did.

All in all, the thing was admittedly ugly. But, it seemed Kakashi had still decided to keep it, even if it was being used as a coat rack at present. Moving a few more garments aside, Sasuke was pleasantly satisfied in the way the scarecrow’s Kakashi outfit had gone untouched, still fully clothed down to the “I’m Kakashi” nametag.

Yawning at the pouncing of tiredness on his overworked body, Sasuke decided to check out Kakashi’s room before calling it a night. He’d deal with this new wave of emotion in the morning, face to face with the other man.

Hand splayed against white-painted wood, he pushed the mostly shut door open, revealing Kakashi’s room to be rather tiny, but still larger than the bathroom. The carpet and walls still held the same boring appeal here, but the man’s shuriken-printed comforter brought an element of comfort to the space. Unlike the rest of the house, it looked like someone actually lived here.

A filled to bursting shelf occupied the wall behind the door. Lined upon its racks were rows of color-coded novels. Sasuke didn’t have to read their titled ridges to know what they were. It was laughable to point out Kakashi had two spare copies of the same green-covered book Tsunade had taken from him. No wonder he didn’t care.

Moving to the dresser on the opposite side, Sasuke came face to face with their picture. The official picture of Team Seven, dysfunctional personalities and all. Sakura looking oblivious and assuming everyone was feeling as cheerful as she was. Naruto appearing about ready to throw Sakura aside and tackle Sasuke into the ground. Sasuke himself looking no different than every other day. And Kakashi in the background looking happy because despite all the problems they’d caused him they were still his team.

Sasuke was the only one to refuse a copy. It didn’t matter, that was a terrible photograph anyway.

Turning away, dark eyes met the tiny twin bed in the center of the room. Now that he’d come to terms with his feelings, how was he to convey them to Kakashi? As much as he’d like to rely on his ex-sensei to take initiative the same way he did in the hospital, the man was known to often do the exact opposite of what Sasuke wanted. Plus, he didn’t even know if Kakashi was serious. Even in the past he’d made little actions solely for the purpose of getting under the Uchiha’s skin, so his motives were completely unknown.

At this point, Sasuke was past caring.

He bypassed the idea of sleeping on the couch. Pulling back the printed covers, and boldly dropping the mostly-dry towel from his waist, Sasuke climbed into the bed naked, settling comfortably on his back. Damp hair against the pillow, he simply stared at the blank ceiling for a long time. Shortly after, his eyes began to drift shut slowly. Before falling asleep completely, he was left with one thought on his mind.

Tomorrow, he’d have Kakashi in the way he wanted. Even if that meant by force.

A/N: Wheeeeew! Sasuke is going to rape Kakashi!!! The next chapter will be the chapter the entire world (to a slight exaggeration) has been waiting for. It’ll be my second full-blown graphic sex scene, and unlike before it’ll be Sasuke’s first time…how sweet, haha.

Man how about that jack-off fest in the shower? I bet everyone saw that coming, it’s sort of played out…but it was needed for Sasuke’s sexual epiphany =P. And the scarecrow was spur of the moment and made me giggle so I put it in, heh.

Anyways, be on the lookout for the next chappie, be sure to wear a condom while reading! Oh and…review!!!!!!!!!