Naruto, You're Not Pregnant!

Warnings: Yaoi, Anal, Oral, Mpreg – and a mesh of medical yet somehow totally off-the-wall way to explain mpreg. Please note that the medical portion of the explanation will go over your head if you didn’t do well in (or never took) basic Biology. You’ve been warned.

This fic dedicated to michelerene/lexjamandme.

Special thanks to Master of the Rebels for beta’ing this chapter!

Naruto, You’re Not Pregnant!

Chapter 4: And The Father Is...

The doctor sat, looking at Sasuke with an incredulous look on his face.

"Not to pry into your personal life, but there was another male involved, correct?"

"Yes."

The doctor fidgeted, looking extremely uncomfortable with the way that Sasuke was glaring at him.

"It's just that, well, it seems that the only way that you could have gotten pregnant is if the other male were to have ejaculated onto your stomach." Sasuke looked off to the side for a moment.

"Suigetsu, the foulmouthed man who was just in here, initially thought that too. He said that he overheard the person doing experimentations on me say something along the lines of getting pregnant through the belly button. Now I know that it shouldn't be possible for men to get pregnant, but shouldn't it be even more impossible to get pregnant via the fucking belly button?" Sasuke demanded.

"That is what is very interesting about your condition. Normally the uterus and other female parts would be located closer to your pelvic bone, that is, if you were a female. However, since you are a male but have both the female and male reproductive organs, the male organs pushed the female organs up closer to your naval. Are you aware that you have had surgery around your naval area?"

"No."

"I didn't think so, considering how you said 'experimentations.' If I may?" the doctor asked Sasuke, looking for permission to re-examine the portion of skin around his belly button.

Sasuke looked down at his stomach, frowning as he realized it looked slightly more swollen than he was used to it looking. He wondered if that was just his imagination, but if he really was pregnant and Naruto was the father, then they had had sex over three months ago. It would make sense for a little roundness to show as far as he knew.

The doctor, with cold hands as most doctors have, gently dragged his finger right underneath the belly button.

"The workings of a normal female body would produce eggs from their ovaries every month or so. One of your ovaries seems to have never developed, and the other one seems to be extremely small. Again, this goes along with what I said about you being male instead of female. The male organs developed completely, but the female organs were only partially formed, which is rare in and of itself."

"Then why am I pregnant?"

"Ah, yes, well, the uterus was fully produced. However, it seems that the fallopian tube leading to your remaining ovary has been closed off, meaning there's no way that you can retrieve any working eggs from that ovary without further surgery. However, what is extremely fascinating is that the remaining fallopian tube whose ovary never developed has been shifted in your lower abdomen. During a postpartum tubal ligation, a doctor would make an incision site right here," the doctor said, trailing off as he ran his finger right where he had indicated Sasuke having had a cut.

"What's a postpartum tubal ligation?" Sasuke asked, frowning since he didn't recognize the term.

"A postpartum tubal ligation is where a doctor cuts below the navel to pull out a woman's fallopian tube, giving it a little snip so that way the woman can no longer bear children. Now, in your case, it was not to prevent you from having a child, but to help you have a child. However, due to the location of the incision and the way the other tube was set up shows it was a onetime shot. Sperm is not able to live without the proper environment for more than a few seconds. Usually the woman's vagina will keep most sperm alive. However, in your case, someone made it so that a penis would have to rest directly over your naval.

"There's a small hole on the inside of your belly button that leads to your cut up fallopian tube. Now, I can only give you speculations because I've never seen anything like this before, but it appears that a single egg was placed at the top of this cut up fallopian tube. The sperm was able to travel directly to the egg, giving the egg a better chance to get fertilized. It's likely that a chakra seal was set off to help keep sperm alive longer from the initial spot, to when it pooled in your belly button, to the time it went down the hole to the fallopian tube and then into your uterus. Actually, there're some complications with your pregnancy. It didn't go into your uterus as it should have. It's stuck in the lower portion of the fallopian tube. We'll have to monitor the child's growth so that way it doesn't damage your body."

"What will happen to the rest of my body?"

"I don't know. To be honest, there's a twenty percent chance you will not survive this pregnancy. You'll have to closely monitor everything that goes on with your body."

"A cesarean section birth."

"Unless you want to shove it through your penis, then naturally."

"No."

"Now, I am curious as to how you managed to get pregnant in the first place. How did you -"

"Those details are unnecessary. I'm leaving."

"But-"

Sasuke walked through the door and went to meet his team. Behind him, the doctor was making a strange, indignant, squawking sound at Sasuke’s abrupt departure.

"We're moving out."

"We're leaving?" Suigetsu asked.

"Do you have a problem with that?" Sasuke snapped.

"Don't you need to be kept under supervision or something? Guys don't get-"

"I do, and I am not staying here. We're going to keep doing freelance missions."

"But, the baby-" Karin started. Sasuke glared darkly at her, but didn't comment as he walked by her and out of the clinic.

"We have to deal with a hormonal Sasuke now? Great. Just great. I think Orochimaru made is so that Sasuke could get pregnant so he would torment the rest of the world with pregnant mood-swings," Suigetsu grumbled.

"If we survive six months of him like this, we should get a reward or something," Juugo agreed.

"Unless we leave now," Suigetsu said thoughtfully, following Sasuke out through the door.

"I won't leave Sasuke! He's in desperate need of help right now. Who will mother the child? He probably doesn't even know how to take care of a baby. I'll make sure he knows everything about being a good parent by the time the little one comes along. I’ll be the perfect mother," Karin said, a newfound determination with her new objective.

"I think I'm going to come along to make sure that Sasuke doesn't kill Karin in frustration – and so Karin doesn't kill the baby with her ideas of what she thinks good parenting skills are," Juugo noted thoughtfully.

"You know, I can't wait to see what happens in six months. This should be interesting."


- - - - - - - - - - - -

Present time

"But...that can't be. It just...I mean...if the baby is mine, then that would mean-"

Naruto paused, looking rather miffed.

"Who did you have sex with? And how could you have thought that you were pregnant when it was clearly the woman that you slept with?!"

"I...it...I need some time," Naruto said, clutching the little one closer to him, Naruto's eyes looking down at the baby incredulously. The baby had a little fuzz for hair, but it was difficult to figure out its coloring. The baby had large, blue-gray eyes, staring up at Naruto expectantly as he continued to suck away on the bottle Naruto held for him.

"Naruto -"

"The baby can't be mine," Naruto said firmly. Tsunade shook her head.

"His facial structure looks just like yours. He has your nose, your eye shape, your cheek bone structure. The chin looks familiar too, but not quite like yours. He's got blue-gray eyes, and if I'm not mistaken, didn't your-"

"Yeah, my father had blue-gray eyes. I got my blue eyes from my mom. But that doesn't mean anything. His eye color could match the mother."

"When you came to me over half a year ago, you thought that you were pregnant. Now, I don't know why you would have thought you were pregnant unless you had had sex with someone. Why didn't you think that she-"

"I didn't have sex with a woman."

Even though Naruto's words were quiet, so timid and unlike Naruto's usually boisterous self, the weight of his words seemed to have resonated loudly throughout his entire apartment. The little sucking noises from the baby seemed to emphasize Naruto's words.

"I...I thought you were...you liked Sakura..." Tsunade said, clearly in disbelief.

"I don't want to talk about this."

"Naruto, you need talk about this now. If you're certain that you're not the father, than we need to figure out who is. You need to tell me about your experience. This person that you slept with might have been in a genjutsu, and when you entered-"

"No. No. It was not a genjutsu. I'm sure of it. And, well, I thought I was pregnant because," Naruto's face had turned bright red, and the next words came out in a rush, "hewasinmenotmeinhim."

Tsunade's face turned a similar shade of red, not really wanting to know the details, and feeling rather embarrassed that he'd shared them with her. Normally doctors heard all sorts of personal things from their patients, but hearing that from Naruto was still a little awkward.

She had wanted to know the details. Now that she did, she wished she had kept her mouth shut. Then again, her curiosity at the situation outweighed the awkwardness.

"Ah. That's why you thought you were pregnant because you assumed that by him entering you that that might have gotten you pregnant."

"Right. But I didn't, so the baby's not mine."

"Unless he conceived the baby."

The baby's sucking noises punctured the silence.

"You told me for weeks guys can't get pregnant!" Naruto screeched out.

"Stranger things have happened."

Naruto just gaped at Tsunade, angry that she hadn't believed him when he had told her that he thought he was pregnant.

"But – but you didn't believe me when I said I was!"

"Well you weren't pregnant, now were you? I was right. You weren't pregnant. Now this mystery lover of yours, dare I ask who he was?" Tsunade asked.

There was something in the way that Naruto had seemed so incredulous about the baby's existence that had made her wonder about the mother – or perhaps other father. A twisting feeling had knotted in Tsunade's gut, and another glance at the child had made her think of only one male that Naruto cared about and would want to have sex with.

But Tsunade hoped her strange gut reaction was wrong.

"The baby is also Sasuke's, isn't he?"

"Sasuke's a guy. Guys don't get pregnant. The baby's not mine," Naruto said, his voice cold, emotionless. Even so, with the way that he refused to meet her gaze by instead looking down at the little baby in his arms made Tsunade recall the other thought that Sakura had had: that Naruto might be having sympathy pains because he desired a family.

So many lives had been lost with Akatsuki's downfall, so many close friends of Naruto's had died that it was understandable that Naruto would want to create a family of his own, more friends, and more precious people.

Tsunade hoped, for Naruto's sake, that Sasuke had some freak power that let him become pregnant, and that he'd return and be with them both.

"If the baby was Sasuke's, why would he give him to me? Why wouldn't he want to keep the baby? I mean, it's clear he cared. Look at all this stuff!" Naruto said.

Tsunade nodded. It was strange. Very strange.

"Sasuke does know you, and that you would need help. For instance, he gave you the instruction manual. He knows you very well indeed."

Naruto nodded, before her words registered.

"Hey! Are you implying I don't know how to take care of a baby?" Naruto all but screeched out.

"Do you?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Exactly. He knows you very well."

"We don't know that it was Sasuke!"

"And who else would it be?"

"...Sai?"

"You slept with Sai too?"

"No! But, I mean, he draws really well, and the baby-"

"The baby is not a drawing! This is not a genjutsu. I can prove this isn't a dream by punching you in the face if you need more encouragement to realize this is reality!"

"No, no. I believe you," Naruto said in a small voice.

"What do you plan to do now?" Tsunade asked.

Naruto looked at the baby in his arms curiously. He had a baby in his arms that through a weird series of events might actually be his son.

He might actually have fathered this little guy.

It was one of the weirdest feelings.

He'd thought he was pregnant and had been excited about it. This situation felt totally different. Having a baby thrown at him like this was just scary.

What to do? What to do...

What did he want to do?

"I guess I plan on being a father."

Next Chapter: Baby Woes

I live!! Yes, sorry about the lack of updates. My computer got infected with the conficker virus. Whoever created the virus…I hope your computer crashes you – you – ::insert some wonderfully foul term here::! It screwed up my computer for almost an entire month.

I finally had to wipe my computer of everything on it. :( Good thing my fics were on my flash drive.

Anyway, let me know what you thought! ~ Jelp