Muse

4
xxxxx

Why does he always come to me?

“No, Neji,” Naruto began, hanging upside down on his bed “I have no clue why Sasuke broke up with you this time.” Beside him he heard his girlfriend giggle and he made an appreciative noise when he felt her hand slide along his stomach. “And yeah, I know it’s right before the cabin trip…look man, the guy’s my best friend but I’m not exactly psychic you know?”

“He truly has said nothing to you?” came a smooth deep voice over the phone. He didn’t sound ruffled or upset, he seemed to be genuinely curious.

Twitching, the blonde almost fell off the bed when fingers began to drift along his ribs and he started laughing “Ino…crap…” he tried to regain his balance on the bed “cut that out, I’m trying to have a serious conversation here.”

“Oh whatever,” Ino rolled her eyes “I give it a week and they’ll be back together again.”

I’m not so sure. His expression shifted and he looked seriously thoughtful. Normally Sasuke would complain or drop hints, this time he hadn’t said shit to anyone and hadn’t acted any differently when the two had been together. It truly had come out of the blue and he knew his best friend; when Sasuke started doing weird, out of the norm things it meant he was dead serious about whatever decision he had made concerning the situation. He had a feeling his friend’s patience, which had been amazingly long for him, had run out. He couldn’t really blame his friend, but he felt bad for Neji too, the guy was in a really shitty situation.

“No, he really hasn’t said anything to me.” He made sure that his tone was quite serious. Ino’s eyes widened slightly and she gave Naruto a look that expression curiosity and concern.

His friend had noticed it as well, he was good at that “Naruto –“

“Dude, seriously?” he cut him off “If you really want to know what I think…I think he’s dead serious this time. I’ll talk to him about it but I’ll be honest with ya man, I’ve known Sasuke since we were toddlers. If he didn’t say anything to anyone it’s because he had seriously sat down and thought on a final decision and well, now you know what he decided.”

There was a small pause “I see.” The voice sounded calm, collected “I suppose then that trying to speak to him would be out of the question.” It was obviously a deduction, not a question.

“Probably.” He sighed “Look, I promise, right after I get off the phone with you I’ll call him and see what’s up.”

Once again there was silence and then a sigh “This…really could have happened at a better time.” It sounded as if he were talking more to himself than to his friend “Thank you, Naruto, I apologize for inconveniencing you.”

“Nah, it’s cool. We’re friends and all so I don’t mind it. I’ll hit you up later.”

“You really think it’s that serious?” she wrapped her arms around him when he shifted to lie on the bed. She rested her head on his chest “I mean, they’ve been together since we were freshmen in high school.”

Holding up his phone Naruto frowned at it “Yeah, I think he’s serious.” He said it low “He’s only stuck around because he really does care about Neji but I think he’s at his limit.” Opening his phone again he pressed the speed dial button for his best friend.

He answered on the second ring “Yes, I’m fucking serious and no, I don’t want to talk to him.”

Naruto resisted the urge to laugh. Of course he knew Neji had called him, Neji always called Naruto whenever this happened because Sasuke, for the most part, tells Naruto everything. “Sasuke –“

“Naruto.” His voice was serious “Don’t get involved. I didn’t tell you for a reason and you know why. I’m not exactly a genius like my brother but I’m not stupid either. He’s not going to tell his family, the hiding shit will continue and I’m really a fucking idiot for believing differently in the first place. Yeah, I get it, the guy’s got a fucked up situation with his family but if he’s really going to stick with them he needs to go ahead and start dating women because no guy would tolerate it. If he’s going to appease his family he needs to give up dating men, it’s really that fucking simple. He can’t do both, not unless his family actually accepts it and apparently that’s not going to happen so whatever.”

His best friend sighed. He really couldn’t argue with his friend because he was right. No one wants to be in a relationship where they have to hide and sneak around and if Neji truly wants to take over the family business he really would have to give up dating men…or in this case Sasuke, since neither male has been with anyone else, not that he’d tell anyone that.

“I’m sorry man.” He said and he meant it. For as long as he’d known his best friend the guy had never been interested in anyone romantically, male or female. It wasn’t until he had met Neji freshman year that it had changed, which was probably why the Uchiha had stuck around as long as he had. Since everyone knew that he wasn’t attracted to women it hadn’t been a surprise when he told everyone that he finally had a sexual preference.

“Don’t worry about it.” His friend sounded tired “Anyway, two things. One, Hinata’s got this guy she’s into so I invited –“

“Eh?!” Naruto sat up, startling his girlfriend “You serious? Hinata-chan’s seriously got a boyfriend? And it’s not Itachi?”

“Really?” Now Ino was definitely interested in the conversation. “I wonder if he’s cute.” She giggled when Naruto looked at her funny.

His friend snorted with amusement “They’re not officially dating but she’s really into him and it seems like he’s really into her so I invited her and she said she’d get back to me. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Naw, it’s cool. Does ‘Tach know?”

“Oh yeah, he knows.” Once again he sounded amused “He’s not going to do anything though, something about not deserving to be with her after the whole thing with Sasori or whatever.”

The blonde frowned “Yeah…that was a pretty big dick move on his part. I’m just glad he didn’t tell Hinata-chan the real reason.”

“That’s pretty much what I said about it. Anyway, I think he’s going to bring some chick or whatever, I have no idea, he just said that he’s coming and that he has a date. Second thing, I’m bringing Idate as my date.”

“Heh? Don’t you think that’s a little –“

Sasuke sighed “No, stupid, it’s not like that. First of all, I’m not going to start dating. I’m just grabbing him so I can tag along since you’re being a fucking tyrant about the’ couples only’ thing. I almost wasn’t going to go until Hinata told me about her boyfriend. Hinata, Itachi, and Hinata’s boyfriend all under the same roof? I gotta see how that shit rolls. I don’t give a damn what he says, he’s not going to be able to just sit there and watch her get it on with another guy.”

“Hey you bastard, I’m not a tyrant!” he was genuinely offended “I’m trying to be considerate, single people around a crap ton of couples tends to suck sometimes. And if I’m a tyrant you’re a sadist, wanting to see your brother suffer.”

“I’m his brother, it’s what I live for. Trust me, he’d be doing the same thing if it were me. It’s a sibling thing, you wouldn’t get it.”

“Fuck you, you bastard.” Ino giggled and he shot her another glare “Whose side are you on anyway?”

“You got anything else or did you just call because he was bugging the shit out of you about me?”

Naruto shrugged “Pretty much the last part. He didn’t really sound too upset until the end though.”

There was a dark chuckle on the other side “Neji doesn’t get upset.” It sounded almost like a sarcastic remark “What exactly did he say when you told him I was probably serious? I know you told him that.” He didn’t have to elaborate, the two just ‘knew’ each other.

“All he really said was that you could have broken up with him at a better time.”

There was silence and Naruto could tell his friend was probably pissed off. Well, it wasn’t like the Hyuuga was the most sensitive person in the world, he was worse than Sasuke at times and that was pretty hard to beat when he was in a mood.

He decided to probe anyway “Sasuke?”

“You got anything else?” which meant he didn’t want to discuss it any further.

“Naw…oh wait, come out to the club with me and Ino this weekend.”

“Tch. Whatever. Just let me know when. See ya.” He hung up

xxxxx

Uncomfortable really wasn’t the right word to use for how Gaara was feeling right at the moment. As promised, he had shown up that Saturday to take Matsuri out for dinner and the first thing she did was latch onto his arm, which…he really didn’t like people clinging on him. She did look rather beautiful, her hair was pulled up in some sort of up do with small curls here and there. While she didn’t have Hinata’s curvier figure she wasn’t flat as a board either. She was wearing an attractive brown number that – and because he is a guy yes he does notice – hugs all of the curves she does have quite well. She wasn’t wearing much makeup, to which he was grateful. He had a sinking feeling in his gut that she was probably going to ask him to kiss her before the night was over.

So, clinging was uncomfortable. Then she kept putting her hand over his while he drove and it was distracting, just not in a good way. After a while he actually removed his hand from the stick shift…so she put her hand on his leg instead. Discomfort increased even more.

Because Matsuri was quite wealthy he knew that taking her anywhere not high class would have her father harassing him for months, so he took her to a five star restaurant, one of the more expensive ones, ended up not enjoying the food because it tasted bland and eventually removed his hands from the table because she kept trying to take his hand. More discomfort.

Then she wanted to dance. Of course, both of them knew how due to their backgrounds. During the night she kept trying to move closer to him, which was…well the point has been made concerning his feelings.

It wasn’t that Matsuri wasn’t physically appealing, she was. Not only that under normal circumstances she was usually a pleasure to be around. Ever since she had ‘confessed’ his relationship with her has become strained because, apparently, she doesn’t seem to want to accept nothing short of him returning her feelings. He understands that she’s doing all of these things in an effort to get him to like her, but because he has never felt that way about her all it does is make him feel awkward. Gaara doesn’t have many friends; he tries to treasure the ones he does have. If Matsuri walked away from their friendship he would be upset about it but at this point there’s nothing much he can do. He cannot force himself to have feelings for her and he refuses to become her boyfriend just because she wants it. It wouldn’t be fair to either one of them and the eventual breakup would be horrible.

She wanted to take a walk around the park near her home after dinner and, of course, she wanted to hold hands. The redhead tried really, really hard not to look as uncomfortable as he felt but as the night wore on it became increasingly difficult. He began to look off to the side often, forcing his mind to think about anything besides how uncomfortable being close to his friend like this made him feel.

“I’m really glad that you’ve been able to find your muse again,” she said to them as they walked along the park “I don’t know how I would have felt in your shoes. I mean, when you have something all of your life, losing it would be like losing an arm or a leg right?”

The smile he gave her was genuine. This was what he really wanted from her, not all of the clinging and forced intimacy “I have to admit I was becoming rather depressed, it is exactly as you say, losing the creative thoughts in my head had felt similar to becoming blind. I’d stare and stare inwardly at my mind and there would be nothing but darkness.” Gently, he squeezed her hand “I never did thank you for being so kind and supportive to me these past six months. You are a wonderful friend.”

The last part he had said on purpose and the sad look in her eyes was the reaction he had been expecting. It had to be done, she had to understand that he did feel for her, but it was friendship, nothing more. Whether or not she accepted it or rejected it was the question.

After a few moments of silence she spoke up again “Gaara-sama,” he looked at her to show that she had his attention “how were you able to get those thoughts back?”

“I still cannot hear music,” he confesses “and as for my painting…I would rather you see the paintings at the exhibition and tell me what you believe. You’ve always been good at determining the feelings I held when I created one, for the most part.”

She gave him another sad smile and he knew that more than likely she already had her suspicion as to what, or rather who, it was.

Matsuri my friend…I do not enjoy doing this to you. I am sure there is someone out there who will love you where I cannot.

Shortly thereafter Gaara had felt that it was getting rather late and walked her home. She lived in a rather upscale apartment complex that had a million electronic doors that could only be opened with a resident’s key. Even the elevator was like that. Just as she was about to walk in through the sliding glass doors she turned to him and he immediately knew that it was time for the final confrontation. He leaned against the brick wall, his gaze carefully impassive.

“Thank you for taking me out tonight, Gaara-sama.” She said softly, her gaze shifting to her well manicured feet “I-I know you didn’t really want to –“

“No, that’s not it.” When she looked up he sighed out loud “Matsuri, I do not mind doing things like this with you, just not in a romantic sense.”

“I know I…” she looked back down at her feet “I’m sorry. I know you really don’t feel that way…but I wanted to –“

Pretend? “It’s fine.” It was the truth. If this was all she wanted in the end, he could accept that. “I am not angry or annoyed.” He looked away slightly “Uncomfortable…but not annoyed.”

She flashed him another one of those sad smiles before she began to wring her hands “Gaara-sama? May I…I mean I was wondering if…”

Mentally he had prepared himself for this particular situation. Emotionally he was extremely uncomfortable and a part of him felt that it was wrong. He was not actually with Hinata but that didn’t mean he wanted to go messing around with other women. At the same time, he was not averse to giving her this one last thing, especially if it would help her move on.

That didn’t make it any less comfortable. Putting a hand through his hair he began to walk over towards her, effectively cutting her off. When he was standing in front of her he put his hands on her shoulders.

“After this…” he began and she nodded solemnly.

“I know.” She answered “Thank you. You really are a wonderful person Gaara-sama.”

“Perhaps.” He hesitated only for a moment before gently tilting her chin up, dipping his head. For a moment he tried to figure out a way to make this feel less awkward for him, it would be pointless to kiss her and it be bad or ‘subpar’. When he closed his eyes an image of Hinata emerged and he decided that he would pretend. It wasn’t something he would be inwardly proud of, but he really wanted to just get this past him and move on.

She did not have Hinata’s build and her skin was not as soft but he ignored that and focused on the image of her in his mind. His lips slanted over hers passionately, his arms wrapping around to pull her flush against him. It did help, thinking of the woman he felt he was falling in love with. He deepened the kiss, coaxing her to part her lips for him. For a moment he actually lost himself in the image, his hand moving up along her back. It was when he touched her hair that the reality came crashing back down and he broke away from her, taking a few steps back.

Now he desperately wanted to kiss Hinata. Right now would be preferable.

His friend was a little dazed, her small hands flying to her face, her gaze focused on the ground. All the previous discomfort came back with a vengeance and he suddenly had a strong urge to just leave.

“Goodnight, Matsuri.” He said politely and turned to leave. It was still a little early, he would text Hinata, mostly because he was desiring her presence at the moment.

“G-Gaara-sama?” it had been soft and were it not for his outstanding hearing he wouldn’t have caught it. He didn’t turn but he did stop walking, signaling that she had his attention. “I-Is the reason y-you don’t…is it because of Hyuuga-san?”

“No.” he said honestly. He had never held those sorts of feelings for her, Hinata’s existence in the equation wouldn’t have changed anything tonight.
When she didn’t seem as if she was going to say anything else he left, heading into his car to go home.

xxxxx

Quickly wrapping a towel around her long hair she rushed over to pick up her cell phone. Her stomach fluttered a bit when she saw who it was. While she did still have feelings for Itachi and she was genuinely confused as to why he had broken up with her in the first place, Gaara was quickly filling the hole that her ex had made. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t gotten over it; it had been a year ago since it had happened.

“Hello?” adjusting her bathrobe Hinata pressed the phone to her ear with her shoulder as she tried to fix the lopsided mess that was her hair.

“I’m sorry for calling so late.” He sounded uncomfortable and slightly distraught, putting her immediately into worry mode.

“Is everything alright? You sound upset.”

She heard him sigh and then silence “I am not entirely sure what I am at the moment, I called because I needed to hear your voice.”

Crimson dusted her cheeks at that statement. They had talked quite a bit over the phone for the past few days and she learned that he was much more confident talking to her when she wasn’t physically there. If it weren’t for the fact that she knew it was because he was shy she might have felt as if he wasn’t interested. “I-I um…” she was at a loss for words, he had completely disarmed her.

“I’m sorry.” Once more he sounded uncomfortable and almost hurried. She could hear the muffled sounds of cars in the background. “It’s a little late, I’m sorry for being so rude I just…”

Her worry increased “Gaara-san?” she bit her lip “Would you like to talk about it? You seem very upset…I wouldn’t mind listening.”

Silence then a heavy sigh “I was put into a rather uncomfortable situation, of my own volition since I had been the one to offer, and while I am sure that the person involved is probably appeased at the moment I am…” another sigh “I am not entirely sure how I should feel.” Once more there was silence, as if he were debating on something “That day where I introduced you to my friend Matsuri she…somewhat manipulated me into offering to take her out on one last date tonight.”

Something heavy settled in her stomach. Was she an ex-girlfriend? Did he like her? “O-oh…”

“Please do not get the wrong idea,” he hastened to reassure her “she is, to me, a good friend and I was content with that. Prior to meeting you she confessed that she was in love with me, which was extremely uncomfortable although I did not tell her so. I tried to give it a chance and so I went on a few dates with her. Nothing happened. She…ever since she’s confessed she’s done little things that have been not only uncomfortable but stressful. I do not wish to lose her as a friend and so I have cooperated but…I am not entirely sure if I could explain it properly.”

That…that doesn’t sound right… “So you mean that she’s been…forcing you to do things you don’t want to do?”

“Yes.” It was said quickly “As I’ve said, I’ve cooperated so far because I did not wish to lose her as a friend…but now that all is, hopefully, said and done I feel…I’m not entirely sure. The most I could pin it down to would be uncomfortable, but there is more than that.”

Hinata found herself paling. The girl must have known that he would cooperate because of the sort of person he was…”Did she…did she force you into having sex –“

“No!” he cut her off “No, nothing like that. Even if she had tried there is no way I could have…” a cough “No, she had mostly been a little clingy – something I’m not comfortable with in general – along with having me hold her hand at times. She asked me to kiss her once during our last date and then tonight. I thought that I…I thought that it would be fine, because she understands that I am not going to involve myself with her finally but…I feel…terrible. Even though at the time I had convinced myself to accept it now I feel…” he was beginning to sound frustrated. “I don’t wish to be angry with her yet for some reason my discomfort is shifting in that direction. I feel…”

“Used?” she offered “Manipulated?” the brunette was a little upset with the girl. It was one thing to have a crush on someone; it was another thing to push yourself on said crush if they are obviously not interested. “Gaara-san, no one should force someone to go out of their comfort zone like that because they want it. It’s…it’s a little selfish because she’s not thinking about your feelings at all.” She sounded sad. He was a very kind and caring person, it felt as if the girl had taken advantage of it so she could get a few moments of intimacy with him. That seemed so…wrong to her.

“Yes and that…I think that is why I am becoming angry. Up until this point she has always been a kind and understanding friend. After she confessed she began to change. She told the press that I was her boyfriend – which I still have yet to fully squash that rumor unfortunately – even though she knew we weren’t and then there is all of this…Hinata, I have been friends with her for quite some time, almost five years now; she has never behaved like this which is why I’m so confused. On one hand, I do not wish to lose our friendship yet on another hand I feel…as if I have been taken advantage of. It…hurts. I do not have many friends for a reason and Matsuri was someone I trusted and confided in. I don’t want to become angry and throw that all away because of this encounter.”

What a horrible situation. It was difficult for Hinata to feel anything positive towards the girl because she doesn’t know her as well as Gaara does and what she does know she doesn’t like. No one should be used in such a manner. “If you really feel that strongly about remaining friends with her…maybe spending some time apart would help. It would, um…it’d help you calm down and get over the initial pain and anger. A-and…”

“Hinata, I would really like to see you.” It was practically blurted out but he sounded too upset to actually be embarrassed. “I know we have only really known each other for a week but –“

A warm smile graced her features although he wouldn’t be able to see it “I would like to see you too, Gaara-san. Where are you?”

There was a tense silence “If the address you have given me is correct, I am outside of your apartment complex. It’s actually on the way to my apartment and I haven’t been able to focus properly on anything…”

Hinata paled. He was here? She lived in a rather poor side of town and her apartment, while clean, simply wasn’t pretty. Whatever money she didn’t need for bills or food was sent to her father and sister and even then it wasn’t much. Hizashi, her uncle, refuses to provide financial support even though his company is beginning to take off. When the depression hit and the company went bankrupt the twin brothers had gotten into a rather nasty argument and have refused to speak to each other ever since. Her father was too prideful to ask for help and her uncle was too prideful to help them. Her father did have a job but it was not as grandiose as being the president of a long standing corporation. Hanabi, her sister, was too young to legally work. She had another year before she could.

She didn’t want him to come inside; she didn’t want to see her horrible living conditions. There was nothing to be proud of in her crappy apartment while he…

While he’s a famous genius who probably has a beautiful apartment as big as his studio and…

“Hinata-san?” he sounded calmer, shifting back to honorifics. There was a small pause “While I am surprised to see you living here, I don’t really care about that as much as I care about seeing you right now. I’m sorry, I know I’m inconveniencing you I –“

“No,” her smile was bittersweet. “Give me five minutes and then you’re more than welcome to come on up.”

Letting her damp hair fall down her back she shrugged out of her bathrobe and pulled on a thick sweater and a pair of dark blue pajama pants. It was rather late, she was sure he wouldn’t be too upset to see her in her pajamas. Hinata couldn’t lie to herself, she was rather ashamed of where she lived, there was nothing nice about it and it showed people just how poor and destitute she was. With a sigh she opened the door when he knocked – her buzzer, of course, was not operational. When she took in his gaze she started.

The man clearly looked a mixture of very unhappy, tense, and confused. His eyes were hooded and he looked deep in thought. When she moved to let him in he looked up at her and his gaze held hers. There was something intense in those jade eyes, something she couldn’t identify.

Then the sound of the door closing in the background was completely ignored as he moved forward, wrapped his arms around her slender frame and slid his lips over hers in a passionate kiss. To say she was surprised would be an understatement; just a few days ago he had been unable to even speak to her and now…

Fingers delved into damp hair while his other hand rested firmly on her lower back. Caught up in the moment she found herself responding, a low noise emerging from his throat when she did. The hand on her back slid up, putting pressure so that she remained flush with his body. His lips were soft and warm, moving over hers passionately. When she parted her lips to deepen the kiss even further he made another low noise and his grip on her tightened.

The two parted a bit later, breathless, his arms still wrapped tightly around her. “I’m sorry…” he buried his head in the crook of her neck “I’m so sorry it’s just…it felt wrong. It felt wrong…I saw you and I…please forgive my forwardness.”

Wrapping her arms around him she sighed softly and they stood there like that for a long moment, enjoying the feel of each other. Slowly his grip on her loosened although he didn’t move away. He was practically radiating confusion and pain; whatever happened tonight had obviously shaken him up enough to forget his shyness around her.

“I-I…it’s alright. I’m not upset at all.” She said it softly and rubbed her hands up and down his back lightly, in a soothing motion. Upset? There was no way she could be upset after a kiss like that. He had kissed her as if he were a man who had just found an oasis in the middle of the desert.

After another long moment of silence he spoke again “Hinata,” his voice was low “it had felt so wrong…you are the only person I wish to kiss...the only one.”

She continued to hold him and he did not let her go. Tomorrow he would probably be extremely embarrassed by his behavior and apologize profusely, he had been till this point determined to take things slow. At least, that was what she had gathered from the talks they had had over the past few days. They both liked each other, that was no longer a question, but he was still rather awkward around her in person and she was fine with waiting until he became more comfortable to hopefully ask her to be his girlfriend. She liked him, he liked her, they were both adults, there was no need to complicate things and she was a patient person.

Hinata decided to ask him later about taking the trip to Sakura’s cabin, he’d had enough stress for one night.