What Sasuke Wants

Two days, no missions, no meeting between the two. Kakashi spent as much time as possible with Izumo or just out of his house, afraid Sasuke might be waiting for him there. But he didn’t have sex with Izumo, even while he spent the night with him.

They sat in a restaurant the third day.

“Okay, that’s it,” Izumo pronounced.

“What?”

“You’ve barely said a word for two days. What’s going on?” Kakashi gave him a non-committal shrug. “It’s Sasuke, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“Well, it’s always Sasuke, isn’t it? As long as I’ve known you, you’ve been concerned about him. Everyone knows he was your favorite student. What’s he gotten himself into now?”

Kakashi was glad of the mask since it hid the expression he made when Izumo said that last sentence. Kakashi considered for a moment. “I’ve been thinking, maybe it would be best if he became the captain of his own team.”

“What brought that on? From what I’ve heard you two are a perfect pair in the field.”

“But it’s a little much to always have us together. And we have Juugo constantly as an extra member of the team, and Karin and Sai jumping in if their skills are needed. Maybe Sasuke should take Juugo and Karin, find someone else for their team, and make his own team. I would take Sai and keep Naruto and Sakura. We’ll be two complete teams then.”

“It seems sudden though; he’s just come home.”

“He’s more than capable. He led those two and a very unruly Kiri-nin. And his skills are second to none. The Hokage saw no reason to beat about the bush and already made him a Jounin.”

“His skills are not in doubt. He’s skilled enough to become Hokage if it weren’t for his personality.”

“As for that, Juugo and Karin are used to his personality even more than Naruto, Sakura, and I. It might be best for us to separate.”

“What will Naruto and Sakura feel about this?”

“They probably won’t like it, but it’s not like him being with us is getting him any closer to them.”

“The Hokage will probably agree with you; though it might be a bit soon.”

“Maybe.”

“Will you stop worrying about it? I’ll get jealous if you think of nothing but him.”

Izumo couldn’t see the uncomfortable expression on Kakashi’s face.

-----

He had to see him sometime. Kakashi wondered if it would be better during a mission or before?

Sasuke took that decision away from him.

Sasuke appeared at Kakashi’s door within minutes of his return home.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

Kakashi stepped aside for Sasuke to come in. Sasuke plopped into an armchair.

“It shouldn’t have happened; I’m sorry,” Kakashi said.

“Sorry that we did it or sorry of the fact that ‘we shouldn’t have done it?’”

“Both,” he admitted.

Sasuke recognized Kakashi’s posture. He may not be able to see his face, but he knew the contours of that mask well enough to know the expressions underneath.

“I wasn’t that drunk, so don’t think I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“Even so.”

“I love you.” He paused. “I said I had no idea of retirement, but I think I’d like to retire a bit early, not for many years yet though, and spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Sasuke—”

“Don’t give me the line about me being too young. I don’t care.”

“You might in ten, twenty, years.”

“As if either of us will live that long. I don’t know which one of us is the worst pessimist.”

“You’re dream was to restore your clan. Marry Karin or Sakura.”

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t appreciate anyone dictating who I should marry.” He remembered his thirteen year old brother brisling at the same thing. “And for your information, I’d choose Karin; her Kekkei Genkai’s more valuable.”

“Well, that’s that coldest thing I think I’ve ever heard.”

“I don’t love them.”

Kakashi sat down as well. “I do love you, Sasuke.”

“Then what’s the problem? You’re not married to Izumo.”

“But we are dating.”

Sasuke came over to him. Kakashi was caught between wanting to stay there and wanting to flee. His indecision led to Sasuke straddling his hips and kissing him, the mask being pulled down before Kakashi could register it. Just the boy’s presence felt good, never mind the kiss and the feel of his body where it touched his. But he couldn’t forget who this was.

He shook his head to dislodge Sasuke’s lips. “This is so wrong, Sasuke. Especially since I’m the reason you left.”

“You do have an ego, don’t you? There are a dozen, a thousand, people to blame for my leaving and you’re not one of them.”

“If I had been a better teacher to you, you wouldn’t have left. I failed all of you. After you left, Tsunade took over Sakura’s education and she allowed Jiraiya to take Naruto with him. She took them away; I lost all three of you. I was never given another team. She and I know it was my fault. I failed you once; I don’t deserve you.”

Sasuke stood. “You have no conception what I’ve done, sensei.” The word was an excellent way to focus the man’s attention. Sasuke threw himself back into his armchair. The way he sat with his legs spread and his arms up hooked over the back of the wide chair should have been like an open sexual invitation, but Sasuke made it look regal and imperious, but still oddly relaxed.

“Kakashi, I . . .” But he tailed off looking around the room. Paranoia was healthy in a shinobi and it had finally reared its head. Kakashi could see the red eyes scanning.

“I keep my house well protected from eavesdroppers,” Kakashi said.

“Truthfully, I don’t think anything I’d say would reverse the pardon, however . . .”

“Having even an ANBU hear things like that may make it harder for people to trust you,” Kakashi finished.

“Neither of us are angels, sensei. I can’t say you didn’t fail us, but I can’t accuse you of that either. They gave you two students with deep emotional problems. And Sakura. I don’t think any one person could have handled both Naruto and I.

“As for leaving that night, that is my own problem, not yours. You really did reach me that night, just not as deeply as we both might have hoped. The Sound really didn’t give me much choice in the end. At least going voluntarily the way I did give me a bit more . . . authority and prestige among those four and among everyone else connected to Orochimaru. I was seen as brave and quite evil myself for voluntarily walking into the snake’s coils.

“I don’t think many were that surprised when I killed him. I think there was even a pool in some of the hideouts as too how soon that would happen. I didn’t strain like a puppy on leash; I ignored and even ordered him around. I think only Orochimaru, and maybe Kabuto, deluded themselves that I would actually keep to our . . . arrangement.

“My leaving was my fault. There’s only those two left and myself who are to blame.”

“Which two?”

Sasuke had been very vague on this subject with his old team and the Hokage, though he’d been candid with Hebi/Taka about Itachi. Considering the Third had tried to make peace with his father and had agreed to Itachi’s plan of letting him live, he tried to save the old man’s honor to them, placing the blame on Danzo. Madara had only said the leaders of the village so Kakashi couldn’t be sure who all was involved in the Uchiha massacre—though there could be no doubt the Third signed off on it— and Sasuke had not pointed the finger at the elders Homura Mitokado and Koharu Utatane. Even though Sasuke wanted and trusted Kakashi, he didn’t feel this was the time to reveal any details about that night. He didn’t know about Madara’s revelation.

“Doesn’t matter. What matters is that it wasn’t your fault I left. If you want to get to the root of it, it was Madara’s fault and I slit the bastard’s throat; he trusted me far too much. Well, he really did have his claws in me until I saw you again.”

“You slit Madara’s throat?”

“I really didn’t tell you anything.”

*****

After you compared me to Orochimaru and prepared to kill me with your Chidori, Madara appeared. I told him we needed to talk and I told him to bring Karin with us. He reluctantly agreed. Once we were back in his base, I told to him heal Karin. He balked at first and asked what her value was.

“She’s a medical-nin and her sensor ability is invaluable. Once you’ve done that, I want Itachi’s eyes.”

“I knew you’d warm to the idea eventually. You’ve been much too quick to bring out Susano’o. I could tell your vision’s getting blurry . . . Good timing, huh?”

“I want them transplanted ASAP.”

“Still this is kind of sudden . . . What changed your mind?”

“I want to destroy Naruto and my old team with my full powers. That’s the only way to reject everything they stand for! Nothing more, nothing less.”

That answer pleased him.

“And retrieve the other two. I want them to serve their original purpose and stop anyone from interfering.”

“You’re awfully demanding, Itachi-kun.” He froze when he said that. I turned to him, barely able to school my expression. “Forgive me, Sasuke-kun. You and your brother are more alike than you know.”

No matter how he tried, he could not hide what one of those similarities were. His voice was tinged with derision. He loved us no more than the rest of our clan. We were tools; demanding tools apparently. I was acting as crazed as I had been before I heard your words. Crazed with hatred, revenge, and the ecstasy of killing the one I most blamed for what happened to my brother. I seemed too crazed to see that in his eyes. He did as I ordered.

He left Juugo and Suigetsu with me as he prepared to transplant Itachi’s eyes.

“I need you two to guard me. I’m taking Itachi’s eyes. I don’t know how long I’ll be out of commission and I need you to defend me if necessary.”

“Where’s Karin?” Juugo asked.

“She’s here. She was injured. Do not even go near her right now.”

“Will she be alright?” I assured them that she would be alright, though I only had Madara’s word on that.

The procedure left me blind for a week. Juugo and Suigetsu never left me; they were loyal enough to even defy Madara on that. They were there when Madara came to remove the bandages. I gave them a hand signal that no one else knew about. It told them to prepare for battle. Madara didn’t suspect a thing. He took the bandages off and I looked around, checking my vision, then activated my Sharingan, then the Mangekyô, making sure everything worked as they should. Then I got up and without any hesitation slit Madara’s throat with a kunai Suigetsu had given me earlier. Madara trusted me far too much; thought me too crazed with my own revenge.

Juugo and Suigetsu, I have to commend them, they didn’t flinch, they just let themselves be swept up in my wake and we went down the hall where Karin was. They naturally stood at the door as guards as I went in. She was afraid of me of course; you remember how I was. I was prepared to kill her. She pulled back, but I dropped to my knees.

I said to her, “Forgive me. I was half out of my mind. You know how much I needed revenge, how much I craved to kill Danzo. Forgive me.”

Having me down on my knees in front of her begging for forgiveness melted her and she forgave me. So I stood, grabbed her, and ran out. We came across Kisame and Zetzu separately and defeated them. My new Mangekyô helped, but of course killing Kisame is the reason Suigetsu agreed to join up with me, so he was . . . enthused.

Karin mentioned she felt something very strange below us. Curiosity led us down to the underground levels. We met several underlings, but they were nothing to us. You remember Zetsu, the Venus flytrap looking guy? Underground we found thousands of . . . dolls or . . . something. All look like him, sans the vegetation. They were not awake so we made quick work of them.

Then we fled. After making sure they were safely hidden, I went back and plundered the base, making short work of any who opposed me. I hid all of my loot in a hole, hid it carefully with a summoning scroll. I did the same thing before I recruited the others in Orochimaru’s hideout. That’s how I got all those swords and artifacts into Konoha, I summoned them.

I explained everything to them. Well, not everything. Not about how I felt about you. I told them I planned to return to Konoha. Juugo and Karin decided to join me. Suigetsu decided to go home with his new sword.

********

“My one thought during that week of blindness was to get home, to you. I needed to find out what you really felt for me. I was too afraid to talk to you about it. I decided that it would be best to become friends first and see if it might be possible to go further. I didn’t mean to tell you like that; I didn’t intend for any of that to happen. But I did know what I was doing. I’m sorry I practically forced you.”

“No, you didn’t. I enjoyed it, but . . .”

“You felt guilty. I apologize for that also. I love you, Kakashi. You know my mind; the rest is up to you now.”

Kakashi doubted he ‘knew Sasuke’s mind.’ “Give me more time to think about this.”

“It’s the least I can do.” Sasuke stood. “I have nothing against Izumo, by the way. And stop avoiding me.” Sasuke left.

Kakashi did feel rather honored and a little absolved by Sasuke’s words. Honored that his words had actually reached him even back then and nearly a year ago to cause him to come home, and absolved of his guilt for losing him and the rest of Team 7. But . . . Kakashi’s thoughts were drawn to the night Sasuke returned to Konoha.

Kakashi had been summoned when Sasuke appeared outside the village gates nearly a year ago. Sasuke refused to come any closer than a half mile from the gates of Konoha, his two companions flanking him. He asked that Naruto not be summoned, but said he wanted to talk to the Hokage or to Kakashi, no one else. One shinobi who was sent out to him before Kakashi could get there was driven back just by Sasuke’s murderous aura. It had been so intense that the man collapsed twice vomiting. Sasuke could have crippled him, freezing him with terror as Orochimaru had done to he and Sakura during the Chunin exams, but he didn’t want the man anywhere near him or staring at him in abject terror.

A small group of Jounin and a group of ANBU had gathered around the gates. Kakashi was warned about Sasuke’s aura, but he didn’t feel anything as he walked out to meet Sasuke and his companions. But he was facing a Mangekyô. Kakashi was terrified, a sensation he wasn’t used to. The last time he saw him, Sasuke had been a bloodthirsty demon with no regard for his team, new or old, ready to kill them all, condemning Konoha. Now he was here. Kakashi averted his eyes, looking at his hip, refusing to meet those eyes.

“Kakashi. What terms will I be offered if I surrender?”

“What?” He nearly did look up into those eyes out of shock.

“What will happen to me and my companions if I surrender?”

“I’ll have to speak with the Hokage.”

“She should know, I killed Uchiha Madara.”

“You killed him?”

“I’m not here to destroy Konoha. I want to come home.”

Kakashi felt like he’d lost all balance. Kakashi nodded and had to resist the urge to run away, eager to speak with the Hokage and scared to show his back to his favorite student.

Sasuke was sitting against a tree when he returned in his habitual way with a knee raised and his sword leaning in his arm. Juugo and Karin stood on either side of him. Sasuke didn’t look up, his eyes fixed on the ground between he and Kakashi, trying to put the older man at ease.

“The Hokage will speak with you, but she will not allow you in the village without a blindfold.”

Sasuke didn’t respond for a moment. “A blindfold will not stop me from defending myself or my companions.”

“She just wants to be sure no one will fall under your genjutsu.”

“Sensible.” Sasuke stood and turned his back to Kakashi. He put the blindfold on him and tied it securely. He then escorted the trio to the Hokage. Sasuke did not move like a blind man; his back was straight, he always faced the correct direction, his steps were sure, never tripping or missing a step once. Kakashi suspected the Sharingan was working through the cloth. Of course everyone who saw him was struck with almost religious fear. To some he was the last Uchiha, some a traitor, others heard or saw what happened at the Kage Conference or what he did to Danzo, and believed him a demon. Even ANBU shuddered at his presence. And Kakashi had to admit whenever he looked at the seventeen year old that night, a shudder ran down his spine.

Sasuke never took the blindfold off. Kakashi stood by during the negotiation charged with killing Sasuke if the Hokage demanded it. She trusted him to do it, but at the moment he didn’t trust himself to be able to do it. He really wanted to believe Sasuke, believe his beloved student was coming home. Others, however, believed this was a ruse to get close to the Hokage.

Every Jounin was on the village walls in case this was part of a larger strike and every ANBU was either in the Hokage’s office or somewhere on the building. Well, not every ANBU. Four ANBU and two Jounin had taken Naruto to a safe location, not telling them why he was being secreted out of the village.

By dawn, Sasuke not being offered a seat once the entire time, the Hokage and Sasuke agreed on terms. But it was far from a done deal. Sasuke agreed to house arrest for some time until his case could be debated by the Hokage and the elders. Kakashi knew Sasuke could leave whenever he wanted; he just remained as a sign of good will. Even though Sasuke and his companions were sitting in a starkly furnished apartment that would have been shabby and rat infested no doubt if the entire village hadn’t just been rebuilt after Pein’s attack, the Jounin and ANBU did not relax, still fearing an attack, fearing Sasuke was just bidding his time before his allies struck.

Despite the persisting fears and after four days of ‘discussion,’ the Hokage had her answer. For destroying Akatsuki and killing Danzo and Orochimaru—not to mention wrongly being credited for Itachi’s murder—Sasuke was forgiven, but put on probation. Kakashi was overjoyed. But he hid it from Sasuke, didn’t want him to know just how much he always cared about him, fearing the young man would take offense. In fact, he hid it from everyone; he took it with the same bored disinterest he took just about every piece of news. Perhaps he should have told him. Or it might have been better to have this distance between his return and the other night.

He did visit his former student as much as he could. The shudder was still there when he saw Sasuke, but it wasn’t a fearful shudder, it was excitement. He couldn’t believe he was home. Home and not in prison, being tortured, or executed. Kakashi had never shared those fears with Naruto and Sakura, betting on Tsunade’s consideration for Naruto and her own apprentice to be lenient on Sasuke; at least offer him a quick and painless death if no other mercy.

Kakashi found himself playing tour guide to the newly rebuilt parts of the village; a good deal of the village still in the process of rebuilding. He confessed himself disappointed that he had not been able to elicit one smile or even a smirk from his dour, raven haired companion. At least the other two brightened at seeing the village. But he knew that Sasuke appreciated his presence and his being able to let them out of their cramped apartment.

Sakura was allowed to see Sasuke after one week. Kakashi pitied the girl for the restraint she had to put on herself because of the presence of himself, Juugo, and, especially, Karin. She left happy, but a little disappointed; Sasuke was still emotionless. Naruto was finally allowed back and to know Sasuke was home one month into Sasuke’s two month probation. The boy also felt restrained by the audience.

At first all he could say was his former teammate’s name, clearly uncomfortable by the circumstance. Better in this situation than in the cells, Kakashi thought.

Wanting to get away from these three onlookers, Naruto asked, “Want to go for a walk?”

“Sasuke’s not really allowed out of this apartment,” Kakashi said as gently as he could.

“Oh.”

With a sigh, Sasuke asked Juugo and Karin to give them some time alone. Kakashi wasn’t allowed to leave the two alone together, so Sasuke didn’t even glance at him.

“What brought you back?”

“I had an epiphany.”

Naruto looked confused.

“A revelation, Naruto,” Kakashi supplied.

“What was it?” Sasuke just stared at the blond. “I’m so happy you’re back.”

“You chased after me for so long, I should hope so. Now that I have returned to Konoha, what do you want?”

That question struck the blond dumb. Kakashi thought the question was cruel; he knew Naruto hadn’t thought it through, never realized that Sasuke’s return would likely end in imprisonment or death. To ask him what he expected now was rubbing his nose in his ignorance.

“We can be a team again,” Naruto offered weakly. “Be friends again.”

“Do you trust me, Naruto?”

Another slap. Kakashi knew this wouldn’t be the happy reunion Naruto had hoped for.

“You’re hesitating,” Sasuke accused. “Will we be on the same team again Kakashi?”

“Yes.”

“Well then, you get your wish, Naruto. At least that one. As for friendship . . . I think it’s easier to build one than rebuild one, don’t you think, Naruto?”

“Do you really not consider me a friend?”

“As I said four years ago, we were friends, I admit. But I’m not the same person I was four years ago. You’ve changed too, though not by much. Quite frankly, Naruto, I’m too tired now to attempt to make friends.”

At least Sasuke had said something, more than he had to anyone but the Hokage, but Naruto nodded and left dejectedly. Kakashi’s heart bled for both of them.

In retrospect, there was a sign of Sasuke’s feelings toward him: Sasuke had blocked both Naruto and Sakura—practically drove them away—but he did no such thing to Kakashi. He didn’t speak to him, but he didn’t make any attempt to push the man away.

And that epiphany. Kakashi smiled alone now in his home, Sasuke’s scent lingering in the air. A normal person wouldn’t be able to smell it, but a shinobi with a nose as good as an Inuzuka could smell him. Or maybe he was imaging it. But Kakashi smiled thinking Sasuke had come home for him, saw sense because of him. Sasuke loves you, you idiot! How many people would kill for that?! Kakashi irresistibly thought of Itachi. He shook the depressing young man from his thoughts.

Now, to the subject of Sasuke versus Izumo.

Which one did he love more? Who did he want to come home to? Which did he want to spend his life with? The problem was Sasuke was showing new sides of himself; he didn’t know him well enough to make that decision. He didn’t want to hurt Izumo, but had he ever really considered him as a long term lover? Not really, but he never expected to break up with him because someone else came between them; he just expected them to grow apart after a year or two or three. He should just blow them both off. And be alone again.

Something occurred to him. Sasuke had been in a piss poor mood in the days leading up to his birthday and he didn’t cheer up until after that night. He also knew about Izumo. Could it be Sasuke knew and he was jealous?

This situation was finally starting to stroke his ego. Sasuke had been jealous! He all but had two attractive men fighting over him. Well, he would give this a little more time; see what Sasuke was really like once he dropped the cool aloof persona.