Three Deadly Little Words

Lady Laran: Or Word could have a smarter spell check. I do check everything, but I can’t catch everything (I do most of this stuff after midnight). I’d accept a beta. Taking applications. The new Adultfanfiction interface to edit chapters is amazingly slow and unstable on my machine, so I won’t make the correction.

Everyone else who reviewed: Thank you!

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Sasuke couldn’t believe how quickly events were mounting on him. He cursed sake to the nether depths of hell. His life was about to get even more complicated.

He woke up next to Naruto at his normal time, but that didn’t make him anymore a morning person. He turned over and put a hand on the blonde’s shoulder.

“Naruto. Naruto, I need to go home and change. I’ll see you later.”

Naruto mumbled at him. Sasuke dressed and slipped out the window so as not to meet anyone else.

-----

They met a few hours later for a B rank mission; they were done before sunset. They approached the village through the training fields. Kakashi suddenly stopped in his position at the rear of the group.

“Sasuke, a word?”

Naruto and Sakura continued on, but Sasuke went back to Kakashi.

Kakashi spoke in a low voice even as the other two continued on. “I’ve remembered. Everything.”

Sasuke’s crossed arms tightened. “So? We agreed to forget it.”

“Now I don’t want to. I’m sorry it happened under those circumstances, but I do love you, I was just too confused not being able to remember anything.”

Sasuke was still miffed. “No. If you really meant what you said, not being able to remember would not have changed that.”

Sasuke turned and tried to walk away, but Kakashi put an arm around him to stop him.

“Let go.”

Kakashi did not obey. “I know you love me. I’m sorry I offended you. I do love you.”

“You just remember you loved fucking me,” Sasuke snarled.

“That’s not true.”

Sasuke struggled in his arms. “Get off!” He was finally able to shake Kakashi off with a spark of Chidori covering his body. “Don’t ever touch me again!” It took an effort to walk away and not run.

Kakashi felt like he had truly fucked up. Maybe he should let Sasuke switch teams.

Sasuke suppressed all emotion—he was used to it—and caught up with Naruto and Sakura. “I’m actually feeling a craving for ramen.” He didn’t want to go home or be alone, afraid Kakashi would seek him out.

-----

After dinner, Sasuke went home; he had little choice. He locked the door and closed and locked all the windows as he searched to make sure Kakashi wasn’t there. He shut the curtains and sat in the corner.

He was humiliated by what he did. It wasn’t so bad that he’d done it before when Kakashi didn’t remember it, but now that he did remember Sasuke was mortified. He remembered acting like such a slut. He knew what he was doing, but he had gone much further, been much bolder, than he would have imaged he could be. He’d let fantasy take over.

Events replayed in his mind. Under those fingerless gloves, Kakashi palm had been a bit dry, but not rough and calloused though not soft. It felt real against his smooth cheek not like a ghostly fantasy or his own. The further down Kakashi’s fingers his lips went, the rougher they got. It felt strange to take the calloused fingers in his mouth. The ridges of his fingerprints and calluses scraped against the edges and points of his teeth. He liked the feeling of those fingers in his mouth and was a little disappointed later that he hadn’t gone even further. Now he was glad.

Did Kakashi think of him as a whore? He’d acted like one.

Sasuke was surprised to feel tears streaming down his cheeks. “Damn it,” he cursed, his voice weak. Even he was aware his mental and emotion stability was sketchy at best after the whole thing with his brother and Madara. This was too much. What the hell, he let loose and cried figuring the catharsis would do him good.

Kakashi was right outside the window and could hear him. He was remorseful, but he wouldn’t give up, he would win Sasuke back. He was on the point of breaking in when he sensed someone coming. He bolted.

Naruto knocked on Sasuke’s door. Sasuke sniffed and called out, “Who is it?”

“It’s me, Teme!”

“Wait a minute.”

Sasuke went to the bathroom to wet a washcloth and cool his skin. He kept all the lights off to try to hide the fact he’d been crying. He opened the door, making certain he remained in shadow.

“I thought you were walking Sakura home.”

“It wasn’t like she was going to let me stay. Can I come in?”

Sasuke felt like Naruto had more right now that they’d slept together. He let him in.

“Any lights?”

“Why do you need them? The moon’s bright enough.”

“I was wondering if . . . we could . . . you know . . . do it again.”

Sasuke decided it might take his mind of everything and it would be better than lying in bed alone with nothing else to distract him. “Yeah.”

Naruto came up and kissed him. “You’ve been crying.”

“I saw him earlier.”

“Who is he? Tell me and I’ll go pound him for you.”

“I could do that myself if that’s what I wanted. But thanks for the offer.”

“I’ll help you forget him.” He kissed Sasuke again more deeply. Sasuke relaxed and let Naruto do what he wanted, but he wouldn’t let Naruto fuck him, that was the one thing he wouldn’t allow.

Sasuke didn’t fall asleep first this time. He lay there with Naruto’s arm thrown over his chest thinking. This just didn’t feel right. Even with Naruto’s body pressed against his, Sasuke felt cold, he didn’t feel warm and safe as he had with Kakashi. He felt empty. Sasuke cursed Kakashi silently as he fell asleep, angry that he was trying to imagine that Naruto’s arm was Kakashi’s.

-----

The next day they was supposed to be a day off. Naruto had hung out with Sasuke for a few hours after he nearly threw Naruto out of his bed to wake him. Sasuke thought the morning should have been more awkward than it was. Naruto was a little shy and embarrassed that they were both naked, but Sasuke felt nothing. The way Naruto acted was almost like . . . Kakashi.

Naruto left before lunch to meet up with Konohamaru. Sasuke decided to do some maintenance on his weapons. It was mindless work after so many years and usually had the affect of meditation, but not today. He ended up flinging the kunai into his wall. He knew he should go out and either workout or find someone to spar with, but he was afraid of who he might run into if he left his apartment.

He had turned a flash of anger into a sport, throwing his kunai and shuriken into the wall in the shape of his family crest. He was still at it when Pakkun appeared at his window with a message from Kakashi.

“Kakashi wants to get in some night training. Your teammates didn’t do so well in the dark during the last mission.”

“Fine.”

“Normal rendezvous, an hour after sunset.”

“I’ll be there.”

Pakkun left. The next kunai was sparking with Chidori.

-----

Sasuke was surprised to see Kakashi at the rendezvous. He was leaning on the rail of the bridge. “Am I late?” He noticed Naruto and Sakura weren’t there. “Where are the others? Is my definition of sunset different?” Kakashi looked up at him, a serious look in his eye. Sasuke took a step back.

“They’re not coming,” Kakashi admitted.

Sasuke turned to leave, but Kakashi used the utmost of his speed to seize Sasuke around his waist, pinning his arms to his body.

“Please listen to me.”

Sasuke struggled. “Get off me.”

“Please, Sasuke.” His voice was deep and resonated down his spine. He spoke so close to Sasuke’s ear that Sasuke had to repress a shutter. Sasuke stilled. “I really do love you, Sasuke. I’m sorry I hurt you. I couldn’t remember if I raped you, took advantage of you, anything; I couldn’t trust myself. I will never hurt you again, I promise. I want to make you happy. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than making you smile. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. We’re shinobi, we can die at any moment; we have to seize happiness without hesitation because we never know how long we have left. Please give me another chance. I love you.”

Sasuke didn’t say anything, but he wasn’t trying to get away. Finally, he said evenly, “Let me go. You can’t expect me to make a decision now. Let me go.”

Kakashi released him. Sasuke almost turned to look at him, but just walked away.

Sasuke walked through the streets again, once again walking past the ramen stand.

“Sasuke!”

Naruto seemed like he had radar just for him. And he never seemed to eat anywhere else.

“Eaten?”

Sasuke joined him, mulling over what Kakashi’d said. Naruto eyed him, but left him to his thoughts. They left together.

“Are you okay?” Naruto asked they walked, Naruto leading them toward his apartment and Sasuke not really paying attention.

“Yeah. I just spoke to him. I have a lot to think about.”

Naruto pulled him aside and tried to kiss him.

Sasuke pulled away, avoiding the kiss. “No, Naruto.”

“I just want to make you feel better.”

Sasuke had to laugh. “A kiss is not the way to make me feel better. Especially now.”

“What happened? What he say?”

“He apologized.”

“What?”

“He said he was sorry and . . . I believe him.”

“But he’s hurt you, rejected you. You can’t trust him.”

“I love him, Naruto.”

“What about us?”

“You’re my best friend and I enjoyed it, but I never said I loved you.”

“But I love you.”

“No you don’t. You’ve been in love with Sakura since we were kids. You can’t just go from her to me just like that.”

“Who is he?” Sasuke shook his head. “Tell me!”

“Not when you’re this angry.”

“I won’t let him hurt you again. I never want to see you like that again.”

“I believe him, Naruto. I believe I can trust him.”

“Don’t go back to him, Sasuke.”

“Back to him,” he mused with wry humor. “You make it sound like it was relationship and not a one-night stand where we both said the same three deadly little words that got us into this mess. We never even had anything like a date.”

“What?”

“We both said ‘I love you’ and we had sex. He regretted it the next morning and said he wanted to forget it. And that hurt. But maybe I overreacted. I shouldn’t have come on to him while we were drunk.”

Even an idiot like Naruto began to connect the dots. An older man, the day Sasuke was so hurt, that same morning finding Sasuke in Kakashi’s house, being drunk . . .

“That bastard.”

“Huh?”

Naruto didn’t respond to Sasuke, just ran. Sasuke ran after him. “Naruto!” Sasuke could barely keep up. He made a clone and the clone used the time-space jutsu he learned from Madara to make it to Kakashi’s home in a blink of an eye. Kakashi was startled by his sudden appearance.

“You got to get out of here. Naruto’s furious and I think he’s gunning for you.”

“Why?”

“Just come on!” Sasuke’s clone pulled Kakashi out the window, his beloved book dropping onto the sofa.

Naruto arrived moments later with the real Sasuke right behind him.

“Kakashi!” Naruto bellowed.

Sasuke grabbed him. “He’s not here, Naruto! Just calm down!”

Naruto wouldn’t calm down. Not only was he angry at Kakashi for hurting his best friend, but he want to keep his new lover.

Sasuke realized that there was nothing that would calm Naruto down. Except one. Sasuke forced Naruto to look into his Sharingan. Naruto dropped. Sasuke stood there huffing in the sudden silence and stillness. Sasuke made another shadow clone and they carried Naruto home.

-----

Sasuke knew where his clone would take Kakashi, back to the bridge where they spoke earlier that evening. The clone didn’t tell Kakashi anything. He turned at the real Sasuke’s approach and vanished.

“What’s going on?” Kakashi asked.

“I had to use my Sharingan on Naruto to put him to sleep. I took him home.”

“What’s going on?” Kakashi repeated.

Sasuke sighed and looked down. “I tried to keep you out of it, but Naruto figured out that it was you who hurt me and he was enraged. But it’s worse than that. I was so hurt that I—Naruto came on to me and I slept with him. Now’s he’s even more protective. It was supposed to be just casual sex, but now he’s saying he loves me.” Sasuke looked up at Kakashi now. “I guess we both fucked up.”

“This is my fault.”

“No, I knew better than to sleep with him. Twice.”

Kakashi’s eyes widened at the word ‘twice.’ “I guess the fact you didn’t let him go Kyuubi on my ass means you’ve forgiven me?”

“Maybe. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go home in case Naruto wakes up. Come home with me. But if you try to make a move, I’ll let Naruto kick your ass.”

“I’ll be a perfect gentleman.”

Sasuke smirked. “Hn.”

They stopped at Kakashi’s home to pick up a change of clothes before going to Sasuke’s stark apartment. Kakashi stopped at Sasuke sofa, intending to sleep there.

“You’ll be more comfortable in my bed,” Sasuke said. “But I meant what I said about trying anything.”

Kakashi’s attention was grabbed they the weapon mural on Sasuke’s wall. “Frustration?”

“Unless you want to be my next canvas, I suggest you not tease me tonight.”

Kakashi nodded and followed him into Sasuke’s bedroom and his twin sized bed. They both changed into their nightclothes and Kakashi crawled in behind Sasuke. Sasuke turned toward him and tucked his head under Kakashi’s chin. Kakashi put an arm over him and they pressed closer to each other.

Lying here, feeling Kakashi’s warm breath fluttering through his hair, his arm over him, and his body so close to his own, Sasuke knew this is where he wanted to be.

TBC