100 Themes fics

Title: Safety First

Pairing: KakaIru

Warnings: Yaoi M/M relationship, WAFF, no sexual content,  part of a series (Illusion, Light, Breaking The Rules, Safety First)

Summary: Sequel too Illusion, Light, Breaking the Rules

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto



Dedicated to Lenap, written for 100 themes



Kakashi dragged his fingers though the dark hair, Iruka leaned into the touches. He was more comfortable like this, holding Iruka with the man's back to his chest. Despite that he didn't wear the mask with Iruka, it was still hard to let the other see him. "I'm sorry." The words were whispered because he couldn't seem to voice them any louder.



"For what?" Iruka asked, sounding a little groggy. He didn't turn to look at Kakashi though he snuggled a little and pulled the arm around his waist a little tighter around himself, threading his fingers with Kakashi's.



It was hard to explain. Mostly, he was sorry that he'd hurt Iruka. When they'd fallen into bed together that first time, he hadn't expected it to become what it was. Kakashi hadn't realized Iruka had been awake that first morning he'd kissed him goodbye before ducking out the window. He couldn't explain why he'd done that, why he hadn't stayed, why he'd felt the need to kiss the man before he'd left, but he couldn't deny that it had made things harder on them both. Maybe if he'd stayed they could have talked, figured things out, found their boundaries a little faster, had a 'normal' relationship. If he'd gone without the kiss, maybe they would have both moved on... he was glad he hadn't, even if it would have hurt Iruka less if he had.



"Kakashi?" Iruka shifted a little so that he was a bit more on his side, releasing Kakashi's hand and wrapping his arms around the man's waist.



"Hm?" Kakashi asked, then realized he hadn't answered Iruka's question. "For being a coward and hurting you."



Iruka laughed and shook his head. "I am as much to blame there as you. I shouldn't have pretended to be asleep or said something before it got to that point."



Kakashi couldn't argue with his lover's logic, as much as he wanted to. "Why didn't you?"



The chunin was quiet for a moment and when he spoke it soft and accompanied with a sigh. "I was afraid of pushing you away, afraid you'd go and not come back." Iruka leaned up and kissed Kakashi's cheek. "I was too much of a coward to ask for something more at the risk of the answer being no. We were both fools."



"Too busy trying to protect ourselves to realize it too," Kakashi agreed.



"We teach pre-genin that don't we? 'Safety first or you won't be around long enough for it to matter.' and 'A shinobi doesn't let their emotions show.' There's a few others too of course." Iruka sighed and shook his head slightly.



"What did you see when you closed your eyes?" Kakashi asked, slipping his hand up under Iruka's shirt just so he could touch the warm skin again. "What did you think about?"



"Hm?" Iruka rubbed his eyes, twisting so he could look at the man holding him. "Why didn't you want me to see your face?"



"Because..." Kakashi's throat tightened and his eyes welled with tears that he refused to acknowledge, refused to wipe away. "...I see a lot of things when I look in the mirror but I don't see what I want to see." He wanted to tell Iruka but he couldn't quite force the words out. "I've spent so much time hiding who I am that I'm not even sure who that is anymore..."



Iruka twisted around the rest of the way, gave Kakashi an almost sad look before leaning forward to brush his lips against Kakashi's. "I didn't really think about that. I mean I knew you had thin lips and a long straight nose and pale skin, I knew you had very small scar at the corner of your lips..." The chunin traced a finger along each as he described them, pausing at the scar and smiling. "And, I knew none of it was important because you could be the ugliest man on the planet and I'd still love you. I just wondered why you were hiding and..."Iruka averted his eyes for a moment and sighed. "...I thought... you knew how I felt and it was your way of saying you didn't feel the same."



It felt like the world dropped out under him and then he reached up and pulled Iruka back down, stealing a long, slow, deep kiss from the startled man. "You were right, we are both fools," he panted as he broke kiss, their lips still brushing as he spoke. "I love you too," Kakashi said, the stole another kiss before the other could say anything else. Since there was after all nothing else that needed to be said.