Almost Sucks

Almost Sucks
by Mashiro

Naruto fandom, series, no spoilers
AU, BOYS LOVE: Naruto x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Lee x Gaara

first version: September 24th 2006, Sunday
second version: October 24th 2008, Friday

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DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the rights to the Naruto series or characters and I make no money writing this. I’m just a fan. This is fan fiction.

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42: So glad you came

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“Do you see that building over there?”

“Where?”

“There, with the red roof.”

“Oh, yeah! That one. I see it.”

“I went to school there.”

Naruto turned to Sasuke, his mouth open in surprise.

“You did?”

“Yeah.”

“When?”

“Second to sixth grade,” Sasuke said. He put his elbow back onto the narrow windowsill, his chin back in his hand and looked out at the city passing by. It was quite a difference from the view he’d been watching when they went to Sachiko-baachan’s; and yet... similar, in ways; it was as dense as the forest, if buildings had been trees. They were on a bus approaching the city central station, where they would change to a different bus. Sasuke wasn’t sure exactly what bus they would have to take, hadn’t gone that direction from the central station before, but they had time. They had all the time in the world.

“We lived not far from here,” he continued. “But there are too many buildings in the way, you can’t see it.”

Naruto made a disappointed sound and Sasuke glanced over his shoulder to find the blond pouting. He had to smile. He lifted his hand and dragged softly along Naruto’s cheek with the palm. Naruto snapped out of his pout and looked surprised instead, then he smiled too. Sasuke was in a weird ‘calm before the storm’ or ‘serenity before the execution’ mood; he wasn’t entirely sure which one was more accurate.

“Where did you go in the first grade?” Naruto asked.

“I was still hospitalized in the first grade. They had this special class in the building.”

The blond was quiet for a moment before asking.

“A retard class?” he sounded almost hopeful.

“No,” Sasuke sighed. “Not a retard class.”

-

Sasuke was frowning. His head was starting to hurt, or spin, or why not both? There were people everywhere and there was this constant noise of people and doors and walking and echoes that Sasuke knew he’d been very used to only months before. It had made him feel relaxed and at home only months ago and now it was giving him a headache and made it hard for him to think. They were at the station and he was trying to figure out which bus they had to take by looking at a big map on the wall. Even though he had lived in the city for years, Sasuke wasn’t very familiar with the maps. He hadn’t often used them for reference; he had known his routes or gone with friends that did.

“Are you sure you know where we’re going?” Naruto asked. Sasuke knew he was frowning too. He had his arms crossed over his chest and was probably tapping his toes to the concrete. Sasuke had his back to the blond but he knew.

“Could you shut up? I’m trying to think.”

“So rude,” Naruto sighed. “Hey, I’ll go see if they have anything to eat at that shop over there, okay? Come and get me when you’ve deciphered this thing.”

“Don’t get lost,” Sasuke mumbled.

“I won’t get lost, it’s like right over there!” the blond sounded insulted. Sasuke heard him walk off. It should be impossible with all the people walking around them, but Sasuke was sure he heard Naruto’s steps.

Sasuke was not only disturbed by the slowly increasing headache; he was distracted by just being here; because he was supposed to know this place. He’d been here so many times that he should know it like he’d known the old apartment. Well, not the maps… But most of everything else. He recognized the graffiti and the stickers on the railings, the posters and the staff behind the counters selling tickets. He used to buy cigarettes at the shop Naruto was headed to and would probably recognize the one behind the counter; and they would recognize him, unless they had hired someone new. He had been here alone and with his friends. He’d been here during the day, when it was crowded and bustling like now, and at night when it could get almost empty. He’d been here because he needed to go somewhere else and because it was a nice place to spend his time.

If Sasuke turned he would see the graffiti-covered bench where he and Neji had made out after that party when Shikamaru had suggested they try and make something serious of their fooling around. An old couple had caught them and the lady had been so shocked she had dropped her purse. The old man had first just stood staring, then, when the lady slapped him into it, he had yelled and chased them off. Sasuke and Neji had both agreed afterwards that while it was horribly pathetic of them to run from an old man like that, they hadn’t really had a choice. You didn’t beat up the elderly, but you didn’t get yourself beaten up by them either. Sasuke had to send a smile toward the colored paths on the map when he remembered. But he didn’t want to turn and see the bench. It was painful, knowing that he wouldn’t know this place like that anymore. It hurt knowing that his memory would fade and that this place would change. There were already new rebellious paintings and scribbles on the walls, new posters and stickers. It was home, but home was changing. Sasuke supposed he was changing too.

Sasuke made sense of the net of colored paths on the map eventually. As Naruto still hadn’t come back, he went over to the shop to find that they hadn’t hired anyone new (at least they weren’t working at the moment). The blond guy behind the counter looked up and his eyes, his whole face, lit up with pleasant surprise and a big smile.

“Uchiha!”

Sasuke scanned the shop, finding Naruto looking at him from the other side of the room, frowning in surprise from hearing Sasuke’s name shouted out like that. He gave his blond a mute, discreet ‘it’s okay’ signal and headed over to the counter.

“Hey, Takuya.”

“Hey, man! I heard you moved out to some shitty town or village or something, is it true? I didn’t believe the guys for a second at first. I mean, Uchiha Sasuke in a shitty town? But then you stopped showing and... So! Is it true? How are you?”

“It’s true,” Sasuke said. “And I’m good.”

He didn’t really know Takuya; they had mostly just met over this counter, though sometimes downtown as well. He was a cheerful, talkative guy most of the times, but apparently had a violent streak as well, especially when he was drunk; or so Sasuke had heard.

“Yeah, you look good! Real good to see you, man. So, did you move back or something? I’ve missed my favorite customer.”

Actually, now that Sasuke thought more about it and saw that look in Takuya’s eyes, he remembered that he didn’t just know the guy from buying cigarettes and random encounters downtown. They had played around some one night; it hadn’t been anything overly serious, but then again, nothing overly innocent either; and when Sasuke thought even more about it, he also remembered that it hadn’t been too long between that night and Sasuke moving away.

“I didn’t move back,” Sasuke said. “Just came for a visit.”

“Aww… And you stopped by to see me?” Takuya grinned and put a hand on his chest in ‘I’m flattered’. “I’ll remember to thank Mio for forcing her shift on me.”

Sasuke kept smiling, because he was a polite person when he wanted to be and there was no reason for anything else. There was reason to worry however, with that look in Takuya’s eyes and Naruto’s presence. He had approached them, Sasuke felt it, and now it seemed Takuya noticed as well, looking over Sasuke’s shoulder. He waved at Sasuke to move with an apologetic raise of his eyebrows before turning to the customer.

“Hey! What do you have for me, kid?”

Naruto stepped forward, throwing a frowning glance at Sasuke, and put a bag with some apples on the counter. The fact that he wasn’t cheerful when Takuya was made Sasuke cringe and wonder how good he was at picking up on flirting. He feared he was pretty good, or maybe just overly jealous.

“Thank you,” Takuya smiled his salesman smile. He put the fruit on the scales and half-glanced at Sasuke again. “So, how long are you staying? Do you have time for a coffee or something? Can’t leave the shop but the machine here is good.”

Sasuke was going to turn Takuya down. He knew where this was going and he wasn’t interested. The guy looked hopeful and something in him reminded Sasuke of a shy, smitten girl. It was a funny contrast because Sasuke remembered he had been pretty bold that night; one of those ‘let’s go straight to the ass fondling’ types. But before Sasuke could say anything Naruto did.

“He’s not interested,” the blond said, his voice dripping with venom. Takuya snapped his eyes from Sasuke to Naruto and raised a brow.

“Oh, really?” he said, not so polite anymore. “How would you know that, kid?”

“Because he’s with me,” Sasuke said with a sigh, before Naruto could yell it. Takuya looked back at Sasuke and looked surprised and confused at first, then ‘stabbed in the guts’ hurt when he realized what ‘with me’ meant. Hurt mixed up with anger and the smile that came was sneering; he snorted and shook his head.

“Wow,” he said, practically punching at the buttons on the cash register. “I mean, I knew you were easy, Uchiha, but I...”

“Sasuke is not easy!” Naruto hollered so loud both Sasuke and Takuya flinched. The hurt and angry cashier gathered himself rather quickly though and laughed.

“No?” he snorted. “Do you have a different word for guys that sleep with every guy they come across in your village? How about ‘slut’?”

“You bastard!”

As Naruto lunged forward, probably to throw himself over the counter, Sasuke stretched an arm out and grabbed a hold of his shirt to hold him back.

“Naruto!”

The blond snarled and fought to get forward.

“Let me go! I’m gonna punch out his teeth! He’ll eat soup for the rest of his life!”

As if there weren’t false teeth these days. Sasuke glared at Takuya, who seemed highly amused, then pulled hard at Naruto’s shirt to turn him around.

“Naruto!” he yelled again, this time in his very serious voice. The blond struggled some more, half-heartedly, before stopping. If they had been alone Sasuke knew he would have pouted, but now his face was twisted in an angry snarl. He didn’t look at Sasuke.

“Go out and wait for me,” Sasuke said.

“What? So you can flirt with this bastard?” Naruto looked now, his eyes filled with anger and hurt too.

“Please? And wait for me. Don’t get lost.”

Naruto snarled and shrugged free of Sasuke’s grip. He threw one last murderous glare at Takuya before stalking off. Takuya snorted.

“What a gem you’ve got there,” he muttered. “You sure he’s housebroken?”

“Could you shut up?” Sasuke sighed and grabbed the bags Naruto had left on the counter and probably forgotten all about. He was tired, that headache had gotten worse. Sasuke didn’t care about what Takuya had said; he had been called worse things and the guy was just hurt. But Naruto wasn’t used to the city talk and how would he know that Takuya was lying?

“Sasuke,” Takuya said and his voice and his eyes seeped with the hurt he was feeling. “Look, I’m sorry about that, but are you serious with that guy? Come on.”

Sasuke had had a feeling even before they made out that night and now he knew for sure. Takuya had been interested in him for quite some time, in love. Sasuke felt like an asshole.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have done what I did with you, Takuya. I didn’t want what you wanted.”

Takuya sniffed and crossed his arms over his chest. His back was straight.

“I knew that,” he said, his voice subdued. A couple of happy, talking girls entered the shop but Takuya didn’t seem to notice. “I knew I couldn’t have you like I wanted to. But I got a chance to have you like you wanted to, and that’s something. I wouldn’t turn down a drink just because I can’t have the whole bottle.”

Sasuke closed his eyes and snorted; couldn’t help a sad smile from wandering to his lips.

“I suppose I was hoping though,” Takuya continued. “You’re such a heartbreaker, Sasuke. It’s not fair.”

“We need to get going,” Sasuke said. Takuya shrugged.

“Yeah, I figured. Will it be fine? With the guy? He seems pretty temperamental.”

“He’ll… be fine,” Sasuke said.

“If not, you know I’ll always single be for you.”

Sasuke shook his head and couldn’t help his sad smile from turning to an amused one. He lifted the bags.

“What do you want for this?”

“Oh, no, take it,” Takuya said and waved a hand. “I ruined your date, so I owe you. You want a pack of your cigarettes too?”

“Ah…” Sasuke hesitated as his nicotine craving screamed for him to just say ‘yes!’ He only had a few left and was probably going to need some both before the visit and afterwards. He really should say ‘yes’.

“No, thanks,” he forced a weak smile, though he wanted to slap himself to reason. “I’m… trying to quit.”

“Ha!” Takuya actually smiled honestly this time. “That’s good! It’s a nasty habit really.”

“Take care, okay?” Sasuke said and the blond behind the counter nodded.

“You too.”

Takuya waved and Sasuke left. He found Naruto leaning against a wall outside, arms crossed over his chest and looking at the floor.

“Hey,” Sasuke said.

“Hey,” Naruto mumbled, pushed away from the wall with his shoulders. “So you know where we’re going now?”

“Yeah.”

Sasuke held out the bags and Naruto took them.

“Thanks. I forgot,” Naruto said and his voice was hard. They started walking together, side by side. Naruto’s walk was hard too. “How much was it? I’ll pay you back.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, I’ll pay you back,” Naruto said and finally turned his head to look at Sasuke. His eyes were still angry and still hurt. “How much?”

“Nothing,” Sasuke said, feeling his mood spinning away from him as well. “Takuya gave it to us.”

“That’s his name? I hate that name, it’s ugly.”

Sasuke sighed.

“You’re so childish.”

“I’m childish?” Naruto stopped and turned. “Why were you nice to that guy anyway? Didn’t you hear what he said about you?”

Then he snorted and looked away.

“Maybe he was right,” he muttered.

“Is that what you think?”

“What, am I wrong?” Naruto asked and looked at Sasuke. His eyes said he desperately wanted Sasuke to say he was wrong. Their moment seemed to be separated from the rest of the surroundings. The people moving around them turned to a blur and the sounds seemed to disappear. It hurt, inside. Sasuke’s stomach had turned cold. Then the moment was over and Sasuke looked away.

“We need to go if we want to catch the bus,” he said.

Naruto grumbled in reply and they started walking again.

‘Yeah. You’re wrong. I don’t sleep with every guy I meet.’ Why was it so difficult to say? It was the truth. Yeah, he had made out with a few, but not every guy; and he hadn’t slept with anyone; unless what he and Naruto had done counted, then it was one. Or two, if Neji counted too, and Sasuke supposed he had to. That had been different, but they had technically done the same things.

Sasuke was frustrated; frustrated and sad. What? Naruto hadn’t even kissed anyone before Sasuke, so Sasuke was a slut because he’d made out with a few guys? It was fucking stupid reasoning and Sasuke doubted that Naruto really felt that way, he was just angry, but... It hurt. Maybe, just maybe, that was what Naruto felt. It hurt even more because Sasuke had been concerned and nervous and worried about it; about sex and the fact that he barely knew a thing about it. For a moment Sasuke wondered if maybe this was how those girls felt; those girls that everyone thought were sluts when in fact they were still virgins. It made him want to go home.

-

Neither Sasuke nor Naruto spoke during the bus ride from the central station. Naruto ate two of his apples and Sasuke silently accepted the ones he silently offered him. This being a new route for him, at first the surroundings passing by as Sasuke watched through the window were new; but after a while he was starting to recognize the buildings, roads, supermarkets and shopping centers around the road. They went from one part of town to another, and yet another until, about forty minutes later, they were almost at the edge of the area that was the furthest away suburb to the city. Sasuke had thrown a glance at Naruto now and then and noticed the blond’s slight surprise and confusion. This wasn’t what he had expected, going to the city and ending up in a place almost like home. The first words since the city central came when they had almost arrived.

“Where are we going?”

The words spoken earlier still gnawed at Sasuke, but time and the silence had calmed him down and brought back his ‘calm before the storm’ mood.

“We’re almost there,” he said.

Then the bus made its last turn and Sasuke could look out and see their destination. The tall, red building was still mostly hidden by the pine grove that lay nearby it, but peeked out between the trees.

“This is a weird trip,” Naruto muttered.

Some minutes later the bus stopped on the big parking lot and the doors opened. Sasuke nudged Naruto into movement.

“Come on, this is our stop.”

They were the only ones getting off there. Naruto looked around, frowning, as the bus doors closed and the vehicle drove off again. He scratched his head when he finally turned to look at Sasuke.

“What is this place?”

“It’s a mental institution,” Sasuke answered. Naruto gaped.

“It’s a what?”

“Yeah.”

“But... It looks so normal!”

Sasuke had to smile, even though he wasn’t really happy. It helped the nervousness, focusing on Naruto’s surprise. It was like his entire world was swirling, not just his stomach.

“They should look crazy?”

“No! I… I was just…” the blond was pouting; glanced at the building and then back at Sasuke. “Why are we here? Are you having a therapy session?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

Naruto bit at his lower lip, looked away and back again. Then he came closer, threw his arms around Sasuke and squeezed hard.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you before,” he mumbled into Sasuke’s neck. Sasuke sighed quietly. He put a hand just under Naruto’s neck and the other on his shoulder and looked up at the sky. It was cloudy but looked like it could reveal the sun at anytime.

“That guy was being really rude,” Naruto continued. “But so was I. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Sasuke said, even though he didn’t really feel any different, any better, hearing the apology. He didn’t know what he meant when he said it was okay, or if it was. But maybe it was just his mood, his nervousness. It was hard to feel anything else really. Naruto held onto him for a few more moments before he let go and grabbed one of his hands instead. They walked over the parking lot and stopped for a moment outside the doors so Sasuke could have a smoke. Naruto didn’t want to let go of the hand, so Sasuke let him fish out the lighter from his pocket and light the cigarette for him.

They came in through a pair of doors, that opened when you got close enough, to a bright spacious hall with columns and groups of couches and tables, from which led many corridors. Sasuke knew where they were going and led the way. At first there were just walls and the columns, but as they came further in there were doors as well. Sasuke knew every painting on the wall, every plastic plant and every turn. It had all etched into his memory. Naruto’s hand was warmer than his own.

There was a small library just before the stairs they were taking to go up. They didn’t have a very large collection of books, but it was something. Sasuke had been in there a couple of times, alone and with company. This day, outside the library, leaning with one hand against the doorframe, stood a man that Sasuke recognized. His heart jumped, just couldn’t help it. They were really here now.

“But it’s right there!” the man said in a raised voice. “It’s just standing there, no one’s gonna notice if it’s missing for… say two days! This place is filled with nothing but psychos. Who’s gonna notice? It’s not like I want all of them, it’s just that one. Two days. Come on, be reasonable.”

A woman, much smaller than the man, stood just inside the door, arms crossed on her chest and effectively blocking his path. She looked angry. Her mouth was small.

“It is decoration,” she said slowly, like she was talking to a stubborn three-year-old.

“What? There are no words in it?” the man asked. “That there is just the cover, is that what you’re saying?”

“Do I need to call someone?” the woman asked, in normal talking speed this time.

The man opened his mouth, then closed it again and sighed loudly. He threw out his arms and grinned.

“No! No, you don’t need to call someone.”

He turned away from her and made a face. As he did though, he spotted Sasuke and Naruto and the frustrated scowl quickly turned to a grin.

“Hey! Look who’s here!”

The man left the woman and the library as if he’d completely forgotten about them and came walking quickly, his attention fixed on Sasuke and Naruto. Sasuke smiled as sincerely as he could and lifted the hand Naruto wasn’t holding on to in greeting. When he got close enough the man threw an arm around Sasuke’s neck and pulled him close, mumbling ‘hey, Sasuke’ in Sasuke’s hair before letting him go.

“I’m trying to borrow a book since this is a library, but apparently,” he turned and scowled at the woman, “The one I want is decoration only. Can you believe it? It’s like I’m not the one insane here.”

“You know I have to mention this little episode to the nurses, Kisame,” the woman said in a loud voice before more or less slamming the door to the library shut.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Kisame said and rolled his eyes. “Bitch.”

“Still around, I see,” Sasuke said, more to keep conversation than anything.

“Hell, yeah. I actually got a chance to go home a couple of months back but I fucked up with the pills so they brought me back. Sucks, but at least the company’s good. Not counting some of the nurses.”

He threw a glare over his shoulder. Then he seemed to notice Naruto.

“So, who’s this?” he said, grinning, raising a brow and winking at Sasuke’s trapped hand. “The boyfriend?”

“Actually, yeah,” Sasuke said and couldn’t help but enjoy the way the man’s eyes grew wide from surprise. “Kisame, this is Naruto. Naruto, this is Kisame, a… um… friend.”

“Hel…” Naruto began and, polite as he was, stretched out his free hand to have it shaken. He was interrupted though, and ignored.

“You’re not serious! Are you? Boyfriend? No…”

Sasuke grabbed a hold of Naruto’s hand as Naruto held onto his and waved the hands around. Naruto glanced at Sasuke, frowning; Sasuke did his best to say ‘just work with it’ with his eyes.

“I’m serious.”

“Holy shit,” Kisame slapped a hand over his eyes and threw his head back as he grinned. “That’s so totally cool, Sasuke. Congratulations!”

Then he laughed again and seemed embarrassed.

“Maybe ‘congratulations’ sounds weird. I mean, it’s not like you guys are married or anything, right?”

And then he got serious.

“Right?”

“We’re not married,” Sasuke said.

“But we will get married,” Naruto said quickly before he was interrupted again. For a few seconds Kisame looked like he was processing the information in his head without really thinking about it.

“Okay!” he said when he was done, grinning like mad and giving a thumbs-up. They had had the pleasure of arriving just after the pills had been handed out. That was a good thing in most cases, but in Kisame’s it meant that the man would be a little more intense than he usually was.

“So, you guys will come up with me now, right?” Kisame changed the subject. “I should be getting back before they start looking. It’d be a waste to get sedated when you’re here.”

“Yeah,” Sasuke said and smiled, because smiling was good with intense Kisame. “Let’s go.”

The man went off up the stairs and longer legs and pills had soon taken him far ahead of them. Naruto didn’t seem to be in a hurry, and neither was Sasuke. There were some things he wanted to say before they arrived. Before he could start talking though, Naruto leaned closer and whispered.

“Is that guy…? You know…?”

“Crazy?” Sasuke said. “Yeah. Did you see those scars on his face?”

“Yeah?”

“Self-inflicted. Gills. He thinks he’s a shark. If they don’t keep him medicated he’ll drown himself. He’s usually not this excited though, he just took his pills.”

Sasuke glanced at Naruto and had to hold back his smile. The blond looked surprised, awestruck, scared; like he’d been suddenly kicked into a dream. He held onto Sasuke’s hand harder now.

“Why are we here?” he whispered, sounding desperate. Sasuke didn’t blame him.

“You two love birds coming?” Kisame yelled from in front of the heavy white closed and locked door they were soon going to enter.

“To see someone,” Sasuke said and before Naruto could ask or start talking Sasuke stopped and pulled at the hand in his to stop him too.

“I want you to meet my brother,” Sasuke said, and then he watched as Naruto’s expression changed from frowning confusion to wide-eyed surprise.

“Your brother?”

“Yeah.”

“You have a brother? Here?”

“Yeah.”

Wide-eyed surprise turned to horror for a split-second, then to awe, then finally to nervousness and a shaky smile. The blue eyes got suddenly shiny and Naruto wiped at them quickly with his sleeve. He dropped Sasuke’s hand and moved forward, wrapping his arms around Sasuke for the second time since they came here.

“Okay,” he said and his voice was as shaky as his smile. The closeness of him said all those other things that were hard to find words for. ‘I’m not going to say you should have said something sooner because I know you have reasons and I’m not upset, don’t worry and I just really, really want to have you close to me now.’ Sasuke found his own eyes burning and blurring as he remembered what he had to say later and what Naruto’s reaction had to be. He wiped with his own sleeve.

“Oh, yeah!” Kisame yelled suddenly and Sasuke saw him coming back towards them over Naruto’s shoulder. Naruto’s arms squeezed harder.

‘And that man makes me very nervous.’

“He’s been expecting you, you know?” Kisame said when he’d stomped down the stairs again. “All week; he’s been telling me ‘I hope Sasuke comes today.’ He’ll be so happy to see you.”

Sasuke gave Kisame a weak smile and patted Naruto’s back to lighten up the mood before they had to let each other go.

-

The nervousness that had been missing during the serenity before the execution’ mood came back with a vengeance as soon as Sasuke was released from Naruto’s embrace. It clung to him, sprinted inside him and around him so fast he almost got dizzy, as the heavy white door was unlocked and they were let in; as they left their things with a nurse and walked through the corridors toward the room his brother and Kisame shared, dodging patients and nurses. Kisame kept talking, but Sasuke didn’t hear what he was saying. This place smelled just like he remembered it from his last visit and looked the same too. The floor sounded the same under his shoes. The door to the room stood open so they could just walk in.

Sasuke found his brother sitting on a chair in front of the window. He turned his head as they came in and he was smiling. He looked happy.

“Sasuke,” he said and his voice was soft. “I knew you’d come.”

He looked happy, but also sad down to the bottom of his soul. The sun chose that moment to leave the cover of the clouds and fell in through the window, on Itachi’s face. It was all poetic and pathetic and Sasuke wanted this over with. And at the same time he wished it would never go away.

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