Yoru No Koishii

Two for tonight again, at least. Since I was up half the night yesterday typing, I might be able to get the regular update up too, maybe, so check that later.

******

It’s gone again. That stupid bitch.

I suppose it’s my own fault. I took the choker off to have a shower last night. Then Taro, Sasuke’s seven-year-old, got in an argument with Setsuna, my six-year-old, and dragged most of the family into it. I swear, those two remind me of me and him sometimes.

In any case, I was stupid enough to forget it sitting on the bathroom counter. I realised I didn’t have it this morning, but by then it was gone, and I was already running late.

I should divorce her. If I didn’t think it would just make the villagers dislike me more, I would.

But I can’t do that to the kids. It’s bad enough that mine are referred to as ‘that demon’s spawn’ now.

I knew there was something about her when she first came here. She was too nice, too gentle, too perfect. Especially when I started boasting about how I was going to become hokage.

No one listened to me though, commenting abut how I didn’t like Sasuke at first either, and now look at how much I acted like a lovesick teenager whenever anyone mentioned him. Which I of course denied. It’s not a crime for me to miss him.

******

It was Kiba’s fault in any case. He was the one who brought up Sasuke that night, who decided to comment on the chances of him actually ever coming back, and that led to if he’d even be accepted back.

I dropped out of the conversation about then, content to drink myself into oblivion, as I normally did at any party where there was alcohol. Kyuubi protected me from any long-term effects, so I never worried about it.

She offered to make sure I got home, and nobody else commented about it.

I can barely remember it, really. Just a flash of blue-black hair, self-satisfied dark eyes. I was so drunk it didn’t even occur to me to wonder why ‘Sasuke’ was female.

And the next day, I was being blackmailed into marriage.

******

She despises me, hates the kids, especially Gaara’s girl. Yeah, I know she’s his. I don’t much care, since apparently Umiko tried to trick him much like she did me, the idiot. I don’t know why she keeps on insisting we have them. Actually, I do. She wants me to start dipping into the money he gave me, wants it so that she can have the pretty baubles she sees downtown.

What really annoys her, though, is the choker. She’s intensely jealous, and I have to admit, she’s got good reason. If he were to come back tomorrow, I wouldn’t give her a second thought. Or even a first, for that matter.

The tattoo’s just as bad. If I go around the house without a shirt, she throws a fit, complaining that it’s not proper for the children to see me ‘half-naked’, while I know it’s just because she can’t stand to know that someone, a male no less, was allowed to mark me with his name. I suppose it doesn’t occur to her that I might not have had a choice in it. Though, I probably would have let him anyway.

But as usual, I’m babbling.

******

Everyone’s been staying out of my way since I got back. I wonder if my eyes are gone red again. That’s always a bad sign, and even Tsunade tries to avoid me when they change.

Not Umiko though, the idiot.

“Naruto! Where have you been?”

“I was on a mission. I told you last night I’d be gone today. Where’s my choker?” I hope I don’t have to go tearing through the whole town for it again. Though I’m sure Akamaru would be more then happy to help. Kiba says he loves helping me find the choker. Something to do with steak.

“I threw the damned thing away. And if you didn’t hoard that money you have sitting in that account, you wouldn’t have to go on these stupid missions and you’d be able to take care of those brats that keep on showing up!” They’re very well behaved kids. Much easier to get along with then their father.

“It’s not my money.” I growl. I clench my fist when she hits me, just to keep from pounding her. But I’m not about to attack a ‘defenceless’ woman, even if she is a stupid bitch.

“I. Want. A. Divorce.” Strange, I can almost catch his scent on the air. Then I spot a flash of light in her purse. I reach out to grab it, well aware that she thinks I’m going to hug her. I pull the choker out, not paying any attention to the rage that skews her features.

“So do I.” I put the choker back on, stroking one finger over the ribbon

“You… I never should have bothered with you. Fine, keep the damned thing. Keep waiting around for whoever the girl is who’s stringing you along like a lost puppy she decided to take pity on. No one in their right mind would waste their time on a useless demon bastard like you anyway. I want you, and those black-eyed brats of yours, out of my house by nightfall.”

It shouldn’t hurt me, any of it. I know he’s not stringing me along. Of course he’s not. He wouldn’t have gone to the trouble of having the choker made, wouldn’t have spent the money.

But money’s like water to him, something whispers. He admitted it himself, the last time I saw him.

I need time to think. I need to be alone.

******

She’s wrong. She has to be.

I sit in my favourite spot on top of the Fourth’s head, watching the village below. Everything looks so small from up here; it’s all so quiet, so peaceful.

Of course she’s wrong.

I turn as I feel chakra behind me, not expecting the gentle pressure on the back of my neck, nor the tingle that flows from that spot.

“What did you do?” I’m not concerned. He wouldn’t hurt me, not on purpose. It’s surprising, the one person who really tried to kill me is the one I feel safest with. Maybe it’s because, in the end, he couldn’t. I don’t resist when he pulls me into the lap, despite the fact that I do realise he’s making me look like the girl in this relationship.

“You should have left her a long time ago.” I just shrug, tilting my head slightly away as his lips press against my neck.

“It’s her house. Who else in town is going to give a place to a demon and eight ki…” He suddenly sinks his teeth into my neck. “Ow! Bastard!”

“I don’t want to hear that again.” I don’t bother arguing. It’s true though. The loathing toward me hasn’t eased. If anything it’s gotten worse

“Pick a place in the Uchiha district.”

“What?” I’m dozing, feeling the most at ease I’ve been since those nights in Sound.

“Take one of the houses in the Uchiha district. There’s more then enough room. My children are Uchiha and you belong to me. You’re certainly entitled to claim it.”

“I don’t belong to you.” Arrogant bastard.

“Don’t you?” It’s not worth fighting over. I suppose I could be considered as belonging to him, in a very loose sense.

“It’s too far.” It is. Itachi killed the whole clan, during the day, without anyone else knowing. While I’m sure he couldn’t repeat the feat while I was there, I wouldn’t be able to watch over them constantly.

“Hmm?”

“The Uchiha district.” I say, starting to explain, before he bites me again. Damned Uchiha. “Would you stop that!”

“Stop being stupid, then.” I’m not being stupid. It’s a big problem.

“I’ll worry about Itachi. You worry about taking care of yourself and the kids. And stop taking those damned suicide missions you seem so fond of. I won’t be pleased if I come back after he’s dead, ready to fuck you senseless, and you’re either incapacitated or worse, not here.”

I can’t stop myself from remembering the last person who told me they wanted to ‘fuck me senseless’. I’d prefer not to repeat the experience. But apparently he doesn’t agree, since his hand is wandering dangerously.

“Sasuke?” I know Iruka and Kakashi are together, and Iruka says it doesn’t have to hurt, but still…

“Hush, Pet.” He kisses me, trying to distract me as he pushes me down onto my back, but I just want to pull away and run.

He’s gentle though, letting my body get used to him. Most think I’m over what happened back then, but there’s a lot of difference in driving into a girl who’s smaller and weaker then you and being under another male who’s bigger, if maybe not stronger. I’m normally too drunk to think about what I’m doing with Umiko anyway, it’s all instinct.

I’m sure Sasuke would stop if I really freaked out, but it’s still frightening to be under someone again, even someone I trust.

I’m ready to bolt, trust or not, when he pushes his finger, coated in something slippery, in, but I force myself to stay still. The choker isn’t helping though, since Orochimaru was quite fond of strangling me while he used me. At least my hands aren’t tied, and it’s not dark. I can feel warm skin under my grip, and the sky above helps me keep the memories at bay.

The second finger’s not as bad as the first, and though I’m still scared, I have to admit, it doesn’t really hurt.

Then he’s pushing in, much bigger then his fingers.

“It hurts.” I clutch at him, my eyes shut tight, trying to force myself to relax. It doesn’t hurt so much then. I learned that long ago.

But after a few minutes, the pain dies, and there’s just fullness and a strange need I can’t remember ever feeling before.

“Sasuke.” I don’t even know what I’m asking for, but apparently he does, since he begins to move. It’s not enough though, and I tell him so. He presses harder, deeper, and it’s nothing like I’ve felt before, no pain, just the pleasure of being filled so completely, of being made into one with him. I want it to never stop, want to drown in the feelings.

“Sasuke!” I call out as I spiral over, not able to voice all my wonder and love and joy in that one name. Or maybe I did.

“Naruto.” His voice is soft, gentle. There’s something there I can’t define, but it’s wonderful, whatever it is.

Everything’s kind of hazy, though I can see him well enough. He’s smiling, and it’s so dazzling. I stroke my finger over his lips, trying to memorize everything about the expression. He should smile more often. I tell him so.

“Why do you think I don’t smile? If I did it too often, my fan club would all be dying from giddiness.”

“Kill me, then.” I’d die a thousand deaths to see him smile.

“All right. But only for you.” That’s even better.

******

Everything seems different, now. Like the world should be celebrating with me. All I want to do is sit there with his arms around me forever. But I can’t.

“How long, Sasuke?” He doesn’t answer, and I decide to elaborate. “How long until you come back for good?”

“I don’t know. Not too long.”

“Promise?” I’m not sure I can put up with the loneliness much longer, especially now that I know what I’m missing.

“I want you away from that whore, Pet.” What does she have to do with anything? “Pick a house and use the money I gave you to have it fixed up. If you go back to her, I’ll assume you’re not interested in us anymore.” He tugs on the choker, and I shudder. He can’t leave me now. I really would die.

But then he offers a kiss of apology, and I relax again, consoling myself with the thought that he needs me as much as I need him. He needs me to keep his darker emotions in check, lest they swallow him again.

******

I know he’s not kidding about Umiko, though, and that’s all the incentive I need to finally convince myself to go.

It’s surprisingly easy for me to find places for the kids to temporarily stay. Sakura actually offers to take the youngest four, though she and Lee have a newborn of their own.

She’s been surprisingly supportive since I was rescued from Sound, her and Shikamaru, strangely enough.

I walk into Sasuke’s old house, and past memories come flying back. Times when I would come out here to annoy him, or to yell at him about something or other, or just because I was bored, and out here there was no one who called me demon, only an occasionally bitchy best friend who called me Dobe, but who tolerated my presence anyway.

It will take a lot more good memories before this place is cleansed of its past, but I’m sure that, together, we can manage it.

******

Useless fact of the second: Umiko is actually a fan-made sailor senshi I made up when I was younger. Though the original was a bitch, she’s not nearly as bad as in here.