Thank you all for your reviews again. Especially ALD - I am very happy to hear what you think of each of the chapters. Please keep reviewing, I enjoy reading your opinions very much.
This chapter is rated K+ (which could also be translated as 'kitchen + disaster'), no spoilers.
Nayru

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The Right Way

by nayru-kleinefee


Chapter 5 – Mission: Dinner Preparations

“Paws off! Now!”

“I just wanted-”

“Paws. Off. The. Meat!”, Kakashi growled while he stirred the tomato sauce on the stove. Careful… no spilling… keep stirring… I hate cooking… no spilling…

“Alright, boss”, Pakkun mumbled. “You don’t have to be so harsh.”

“I just don’t want dog hair in my dinner!” That would be even worse than burned food… I hate cooking.

“Oh? Now it’s a ‘dinner’?” The dog snorted. “I could swear some minutes ago it still was ‘a stupid, mean, refusing-to-work, ruining-my-chances-with-Iruka, disgusting bunch of mean, stupid groceries’…”

“It still is!”, his master exclaimed. “I mean, why has this got to be so difficult?!” I. Hate. Cooking.

“It wouldn’t be half as difficult if you had proper cooking utensils.”

“I never needed them before!” And what’s wrong with a kunai? I mean, it’s a knife like every other, right? … And it was just bad luck that I cut my finger… all three times just bad luck… and I still hate cooking…

“Boss…” Pakkun shook his head. “You can call yourself lucky that the tomatoes will be hidden within the filling, not used as a decoration.”

“What do you mean with that?!”

“Let’s say… decorations should be decorative.”

“Hrn.” Kakashi looked at the prepared filling for his eggplants. So what if the tomato bits aren’t similar in shape? It doesn’t matter, right? And they don’t have to be the same size either. And just because the cheese bits aren’t matching in size and are a little squashed and stuff… so what? He sighed. This evening is going to be disastrous… I hate cooking!

“Boss!”, Pakkun barked suddenly. “The sauce is boiling over!”

“What?! OW!” The Jounin jumped back from the stove when boiling tomato sauce splashed over the edge of the pot and burned his hands. “Ow ow ow ow ow!”

“Take it off the stove!”, Pakkun shouted.

“Right!” Kakashi took a tentative step forward, then quickly grabbed the pot and moved it from the hotplate. I HATE COOKING!

“Everything alright, boss?”, Pakkun asked, sounding concerned.

“It’s burning.” Kakashi waved his hands miserably and pouted. I hate cooking… mean, stupid food… I wished Iruka was here to comfort me…

His dog shook his head. “Do you have a mean ouchie-ouchie, boss?”, he asked and rolled his eyes. “Want me to kiss it better?”

“No, thank you”, the Copy-nin growled back, then turned the water of the kitchen sink on and cooled his hands. I want Iruka to kiss my ouchie-ouchie better…

“Are you done whining?”, Pakkun asked after a while.

“I wasn’t whining! It hurt.” Kakashi glared at his dog but felt himself blush. “I’ll go make sure that… that the living-room’s tidy”, he announced, turned the water off and fled the kitchen. Whoever invented cooking should be sent right to hell for that! Or no! Right into a kitchen, cooking for the rest of their eternity! Would serve them right.

“Boss, you can’t leave now”, he heard the pug shout after him. “The eggplants are getting brown. You have to use them now or rub lemon juice where you cut them.”

“I don’t have lemons. And so what if they’re getting brown?”, Kakashi shouted back. “I don’t care!” They shall rot in their own eggplant hell, those-

“But boss, it’ll look bad! And Iruka-sensei sure doesn’t like-”

“I’ll fill them now!” Kakashi hurried back into the kitchen, hastily grabbed a spoon and started to fill the eggplants he’d cut in half and hollowed out before. Why didn’t I buy lemons? I should have bought lemons! I- What did I need them for exactly?

“Did you add enough minced meat to the filling?”, Pakkun asked while he glanced around his master’s back from his place on the kitchen counter.

“Yes, I did.” As I already told you about five times! “If I had added more, you wouldn’t be able to see the tomatoes, the cheese and the bits of eggplant flesh anymore in between.”

“Just wanted to make sure, boss.”

“Now you are. And don’t you dare to touch the strawberries! I can see you from here, mind you, and you’ve been inching closer to them.”

“Wouldn’t hurt to taste one”, the pug mumbled.

“Don’t you dare!”, Kakashi repeated, all the while filling the eggplants more forcefully than was really necessary. I. A spoon of filling crashed into an eggplant. Hate. Another spoon. Cooking. A third spoon and filling splashed into the dish as well as on the Copy-nin’s hands.

“Easy, boss”, Pakkun chuckled. “They’re just vegetables, you know, not enemy nin. No need to be so harsh.”

“Easy for you to say. You don’t have to… to… to do this kind of stuff!” Kakashi gesticulated with the spoon and sent bits of eggplant filling flying through the kitchen. “That’s much tougher than being ANBU”, he sighed.

“Boss.” The pug rolled his eyes. “It’s just cooking.”

“It’s not just cooking. It’s hard work!” I can’t believe some people enjoy it! And Iruka does that every day!

“Hey, people do that every day, you know.”

“But they know how to do it right!”, Kakashi complained, then grabbed the pot with the tomato sauce. “Half of the time I don’t know what to do at all!” He poured the sauce over the filled eggplants but effectively spilt a liberal amount on the floor.

“Hey, boss! Be careful!”

“Oh, would you just shut up, Pakkun? You’re no help, you know!” The Jounin placed the pot back on the counter, then bent down to mop up the spilt sauce. Oh no, everything’s a mess and I don’t know how to do it right and Iruka will come soon and then he’ll see that I can’t do it right and-

“I’m no help?”, the pug shouted. “I’m telling you how to make dinner for your hopefully-soon-to-be mate!”

“Iruka’s not my mate!”

“Then lover! Whatever, I don’t think you would have come half this far without me kicking your lazy butt to go near him and telling you how to do the cooking.” Pakkun sniffed indignantly.

“I know”, Kakashi sighed, then stopped in his efforts to clean the floor and exhaustedly rubbed his face with his hands. “I know. I’m sorry, Pakkun. I didn’t mean to yell at you.” It’s just so terrible… all about this cooking… and I always know what to do… and now I don’t… not at all…

“It’s okay, boss”, the dog told him. “You’re doing fine. Just calm down a little and don’t hurry so much. We’ve got enough time left, and even if Iruka-sensei comes before you’ve finished cooking, it won’t be a problem, I guess.”

“You’re right.” The Copy-nin nodded, then finished mopping and straightened up again. “I can do that”, he told himself. “It’ll be easy once I’ll have figured out how to do it.” Whenever that might be…

“Right, boss.” Pakkun nodded.

“What now?” Kakashi held up the filled eggplants in the ovenproof dish.

“I don’t think there’s enough meat”, Pakkun complained.

Greedy pug. A small smile tugged at the Jounin’s lips. “There is, believe me. It’s all hidden under the tomato sauce. What now?”

“Put the eggplants into the oven and let them there.”

“How long and how hot?”, his master asked, bent down and did as told.

“How should I know?”

“What?! You don’t know?!”

“No! I’m a dog! I can tell you the ingredients by smell but I don’t care how exactly it’s made if it only tastes good.”

“Then… then how shall I know when they’re ready?” Kakashi stared at his dog, the panic boiling inside his stomach ever since he’d returned home from the market threatening to break out finally. They’ll burn! Or be underdone! And Iruka won’t like it! And he’ll ask me if I always cook that lousily! And then I won’t know what to say! And then he’ll yell at me! And he’ll storm out! And he’ll never-

“Relax, boss. They’re ready when the cheese of the filling is melted and the eggplants have become weak and brown.”

“How long will that take?” Five minutes? Five hours?

“I don’t know. You’ll just have to put the oven on… I don’t know, middle heat or stuff to be safe, and then check from time to time.”

“But-”

“Boss, relax. If they burn, just tell Iruka-sensei… I don’t know, tell him that green, loud Gai-person interrupted you.”

“I can’t lie to him!” And Gai isn’t even in the village right now…

“Oh?” Pakkun snorted. “Then I guess you’ll have to tell him about the stalking if he asks you tonight. Yes, and tell him you’ve never in your life cooked for me before tonight. I’m sure he’ll be happy with you because you don’t lie to him.”

“I- I-” Kakashi shook his head in defeat. “I’ll make sure they don’t burn.”

“Perfect, boss.” Pakkun grinned. “That’s the right attitude.”

“Hrn. What now?” The Copy-nin glanced around his apartment. He’d already cleaned it earlier that day. It wasn’t nearly as sparkling as he wished it would be but it wasn’t filthy either. Except for the kitchen battlefield. Tomato blood, cheese brain and eggplant intestines everywhere… He grinned a little. Hatake Kakashi wins over the Groceries Of Doom with only three cuts and two burned hands.

“Now coat the strawberries with the white chocolate”, Pakkun advised, looking warily at his grinning master. “Take a small pot and a bigger one, fill the bigger with a bit of water and the small with the chopped chocolate, then put the small in the bigger without spilling water into the chocolate and put them on the stove at small heat.”

“Wait, wait.” Kakashi hastily searched for the pots. “Small one, bigger one… water… chocolate… Why don’t I just put the chocolate in a pot and then on the stove? That would be much easier.” But no… there’s no way cooking could be easy, right?

“But it doesn’t work like that. Chocolate shouldn’t be heated too much, else it’ll get stains and maybe even tastes bad. Just do as I told you. And don’t heat the water too much, the chocolate is supposed to melt slowly, absolutely no boiling!”

“You seem to know much about it. Who told you how to do this?”, Kakashi asked while he cautiously heated the water. No boiling… stirring… and don’t show that you don’t know what you’re doing… I bet groceries can sense that… stirring…

“The lady at the chocolate shop near the Hokage Tower.” The pug shrugged.

“And why did she tell you?” Stirring… so far, so good… nothing’s boiling… this is not that bad…

“I asked.”

“And why-”

“Look, boss. I was curious, okay?”

“And maybe you hoped a little that she would give the cute, curious puggy some sweets?” Kakashi grinned while he kept stirring the slowly melting chocolate. Now that’s easy…

“Maybe”, Pakkun admitted, then grinned. “And it worked.”

“M-hm… It’s all melted now”, his master murmured, eyeing the chocolate suspiciously. That was easy… too easy maybe?

“Perfect. Now turn off the stove, take the pot off it and set it down near the strawberries. Great. Now take a toothpick, stick it into the part of a strawberry where the leaves are and then dip the fruit into the chocolate.”

“Got it.” Kakashi carefully followed the dog’s orders, then looked at his first work, half of the red of the strawberry covered thickly in creamy white chocolate. “Looks good to me. How long will it take to dry?” I made it! I really made it!

“Couple of minutes”, Pakkun told him. “That’s what the sieve is for. You can stick the other side of the toothpick into one of the holes. That way, the chocolate can cool down without touching anything.”

“That’s smart”, Kakashi admitted and did as told, then went on to cover another berry. “And I still see you, pug!”

“Hey, don’t I deserve the first one for my help?”

“There’s too much chocolate on it, you know that’s not good for dogs”, his master told him, finished the second strawberry and started with a third. Two already! That’s really, really easy! More C-rank than ANBU.

“You don’t seem to know how much chocolate I’ve already eaten in my life”, Pakkun grumbled. “And I’m still perfectly healthy, as you can see. Besides, white chocolate isn’t that bad for dogs.”

“You’re making that up, hu?” Three! I already have three!

“No, I read it somewhere!”

“Where?” Kakashi started a fourth strawberry.

“I can’t remember just now”, Pakkun mumbled. “But I’m not making it up! I really read it somewhere!”

“Sure.” Four! Four four four four FOUR!

“Hrmph”, the pug only answered, then looked grumpily while his master finished the desert and stepped back to admire his work.

“Hey, this was fun. We should cook more often”, Kakashi announced. Twenty strawberries! And nothing broke or boiled over or exploded!

“You didn’t think it was fun ten minutes ago”, Pakkun told him while he eyed the chocolate strawberries longingly. “And I don’t think coating strawberries in chocolate really counts as cooking.”

“But it was fun”, his master insisted. “And they look really good.” I should ask Iruka whether he would like only chocolate strawberries the next time I cook… we wouldn’t even need plates, he could eat them directly from my stomach or- No! Bad!

“They look really, really good”, Pakkun admitted.

“Here.” The Copy-nin took a strawberry with only a little bit of chocolate on its tip and held it out to his pug. “Tell me if they’re any good.”

“Thanks, boss.” Pakkun took the offered fruit, then chewed happily. “Tastes good. You really should do that more often.”

“Maybe.” Kakashi looked at his work a little longer. “Do you think Iruka will like them?”

“If not, he’s not as smart as I think he is.” Pakkun shrugged.

“I mean…” Kakashi frowned. “Maybe he prefers whipped cream…” I hope not…

“Boss, you asked him and he said white chocolate was perfect.”

“Yes, I know.” The Jounin sighed. “But maybe he only said that to be polite? Maybe he doesn’t like white chocolate.” Please not! What if he doesn’t like them?!

“Boss…”

“He won’t like them!” Kakashi felt himself start to breathe faster. “And then he’ll not like the dinner at all and not like me anymore and then-”

“Boss.”

“-and I could still make it to the market and buy more strawberries and cream and then whip it and make sure Iruka still likes me and-”

“Boss!”

Kakashi jumped. “What?!”

“Boss, relax. You’re hyperventilating.”

“Oh.” The Copy-nin forced himself to inhale slowly, then exhaled again. “Alright. Alright…”

“Iruka-sensei will like the strawberries.”

“I know.” Kakashi nodded. He said that. And he sighed. Oh Kami, that sigh…

“And Iruka-sensei will still like you after the dinner.”

“Yes.” Another nod. He hugged me. He comes for dinner. He likes me.

“And I would feel quite stupid right now, boss, if I were you…”

“I… sorry…”, the Jounin murmured. “I’m just… excited.”

“I see that, believe me. Just calm down.”

“M-hm.” Kakashi nodded again, then looked at the eggplants in the oven. “They’re already a little brown and weak.”

“That’s still not enough. They have to be really squashy, you know. And as long as the filling doesn’t turn black, there’s nothing to worry about, boss.”

“Good.” Kakashi sighed. “What now?”

“Set the table?”

“Right.” The Jounin opened his kitchen shelf and took out plates and glasses, then placed them on the little table in his living-room. He started humming a little when the dishes behaved like good dishes should and neither tried to kill him nor exploded.

“Enjoying ourselves again?”, Pakkun asked, grinning, then made a tiny step towards the cooling strawberries.

“Enjoying my day.” Kakashi kept humming and pretended he didn’t notice.

“Ah, yes. What a little bit of torturing little children can do for a stressed mind…” Another step.

“Yes, it was fun.” The Copy-nin chuckled. “Especially the look on Sasuke’s face when I told them what they would do today.”

“And I liked the way that Sakura-girl shouted, ‘WHAT?! Those nasty, gnarly, stinking mushrooms?!’. That was fun to watch, too.” A third step. “And the look she gave the boys when you told her you found out about the names they called you.”

“Yes, or the look on Naruto’s face, this ‘I can’t believe he’s doing this to me. I don’t deserve that, or do I? What I did wasn’t that bad, now was it?’. I liked that best.” Kakashi laughed at the memory, then placed the last plate on the table.

“Yeah, you should tell Iruka-sensei about that.” Another tiny little step, and the pug was almost at his sweet goal.

“I certainly will.” Kakashi went back into the kitchen and carefully lifted the sieve with the strawberries up from its place right beside his greedy dog. “Do you think they’re cool enough now?”, he asked while he examined them and grinned.

“I don’t think so”, Pakkun said hastily without taking his eyes off the desert. “You should let them cool down a little more, I think. Just to be sure.”

“I guess you’re right about that.” Kakashi nodded, turned towards the living-room and took the sieve with him. “But I’ll better place them near the window, don’t you think? It’s cooler there.”

“Wha- No… I…” Pakkun frowned, then looked at his master’s grinning face. “You’re mean, boss.”

“And you’re greedy.”

“Hrn.” The pug snorted, then glanced at the clock. “And Iruka-sensei’s late, it seems. It’s seven o’clock now, and he-”

A knock on the door.

“He’s here”, Kakashi whispered, his stomach fluttering in nervous anticipation. “Pakkun, Iruka’s here.”

“Seems so”, Pakkun answered lightly.

“What shall I do now?”

“Open the door?”, the dog suggested, rolling his eyes.

“Oh. Yes.” His master shook his head. “Calm down, Hatake”, he murmured and took a deep breath. It’s not like you’re nervous. No, not you. Not the famous Copy-nin, holder of the Sharingan, master of a thousand jutsus. Why should you be nervous? It’s just a dinner, just a dinner. A dinner with the most adorable, most handsome, most perfect, cutest, nicest, sexiest Chuunin in the whole-

“Boss, no need to be nervous”, Pakkun told him and chuckled. “Iruka-sensei already likes you, remember?”

“Yes.” Kakashi smiled. Iruka likes me. And he smiles at me all the time. And he wasn’t angry once at me last evening and he hugged me and he smelled so good back then and he was so warm and-

“Boss, the door…”

“Yes.” Kakashi blinked. “Sure. How do I look?”

“Just as always.”

“But- but I used conditioner today!” The Copy-nin hurried towards a cupboard and took up a framed photograph, then examined himself in the reflection of the glass. And my hair looks better than usual, right? It’s shinier and smoother and… and… Right?

“Conditioner? What for?” Pakkun frowned.

“For my hair!” It’s not nearly as silky and shiny as Iruka’s, but it’s better than- than- than- Right? Right?

“Honestly? Doesn’t look different to me.”

“Thank you very much.” Kakashi snorted and set the photograph back down, deciding that it was too late by now to do something about his shock of silver hair.

“Hey, boss, no offence. I’m a dog, I don’t really-“

Another knock.

“I’m coming!”, Kakashi told the door, then walked towards it, pulling his mask up while he did so.

“Boss?”

“Yes?”, the Copy-nin asked absent-mindedly without really listening, his hand already on the door knob. He’s here. He’s here. He’s here.

“Boss, maybe you should first take off the-”

“Good evening, Kakashi-sensei”, Iruka greeted when the door swung open, smiling brightly. “I made a tomato salad. I hope you… and… Pakkun…” He frowned a little, then grinned impishly. “Nice apron, Kakashi-sensei. The blue fits you very well, even with the tomato sauce on it, but I never took you for the frilly type…”

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And to be a tease: Next chapter, Kakashi will finally get a little something.