Fighting Dreamers

Chapter 6
“Things Fall Apart”

Iruka had been dreading the conversation, but it was Sunday and he had very little time left to come clean if he didn’t want Naruto to find out about his new job the hard way. He asked Naruto to sit with him on the couch, and worriedly he stared at the little boy whose opinion meant so much to him.

“Naruto, I found a new job,” he began. Naruto smiled at him, oblivious to what Iruka was about to say.

“That’s great, Dad!”

“I’m working at your school as a…a janitor. It was the only work I could find. I’m sorry, Naruto, I know this is going to make things even -”

“Dad?” Naruto asked, gently reaching out and touching Iruka’s cheek to quiet him. Iruka stopped talking, waiting for the temper tantrum, for the anger, for the embarrassment that his son would have every right to feel. “You’re going to do great at your new job, but don’t work too hard, okay?” Naruto said sweetly. Iruka began to shake his head. He grabbed Naruto’s hand and held it in his own.

“This is going to make it hard for you at school. If you want to pretend you don’t know me, it won’t hurt my feelings, okay?”

Finally, Naruto began to scowl. Maybe he was just realizing how embarrassing the situation would be for him. Iruka cringed on the inside, waiting for the blow.

“Would you ever tell someone that I wasn’t your son?” Naruto asked quietly, his blue eyes piercing and snapping like hungry beasts. Iruka’s eyes widened.

“No, Naruto! Never! You’re my little cat, my precious, precious person. But I don’t expect -”

“Dad, you’re my hero. I love you more than ramen,” Naruto gave him a moment to let that statement sink in. “I don’t care about the other kids. I want you to be happy here, too. Remember? I said so when we gave thanks.”

Iruka couldn’t quite form words, but he knew how he felt.

What had he done to deserve a son as precious as Naruto? The simple answer was that he didn’t deserve him.

“Is that what was making you so sad?” Naruto asked, again reaching out to touch his face. He liked to do that. Iruka assumed it was comforting for him.

“That was a big part of it,” Iruka agreed.

“So there’s more?” Naruto asked innocently. Iruka sighed.

“I think I’ve said enough already, Naruto. You’re still a child, but maybe when you’re older I can tell you a little about what my life was like before I found you.”

“It was really bad, huh?” Naruto asked. “Someone left you in a dark place?”

Iruka knew that the dark place Naruto referred to was the alley that Iruka had found him abandoned in. The roofs of the buildings above it overlapped, so it was cramped and dark and as a mere child of five, Naruto had been afraid to leave it and venture out into the streets. He would have stayed in the alley until he starved if Iruka and that homeless man hadn’t found him.

Was he in a dark place? He had left behind a lot of his problems when they moved, but had he brought that dark place with him? Naruto’s big, blue eyes stared up at him – angel eyes, Iruka had always thought.

“I’m in a dark place, but I can see some light,” Iruka ruffled Naruto’s hair. “Have I ever told you what beautiful eyes you have, Naruto? Some girl is going to love staring at them some day. They make everything look so bright.” Naruto pouted.

“Girls are stupid!” Iruka smiled, a real smile that he didn’t have to fake.

“I had a good friend that was a girl when I was your age. She lived with me at the orphanage,” Iruka said. Naruto seemed to consider it.

“Maybe your friend wasn’t stupid, but the other ones are. What was your friend like?”

“Reiko? Oh, she was smart, but no one really noticed because she had a crush on a boy that was older than her, and she was always doing silly things to get his attention. Some of the other kids didn’t like her, but I knew she was very special. She really loved her friends, you know? That’s rare.”

“Did you like-like her?” Naruto asked, a teasing grin on his face. Iruka snorted.

“Like-like?” Iruka asked.

“Yeah, you know, you can like a person or you can like-like a person. But I bet you didn’t, because you were tough when you were a kid. None of that girly stuff.”

Iruka wondered if Naruto’s imagination was a little too creative sometimes. The things he came up with…

“I loved Reiko as a friend. It isn’t girly to love a friend, Naruto. Reiko was funny and always tried her best, even though she didn’t always do well.”

Naruto made a thinking noise. “Maybe I’ll marry her someday. If I ever get around to it…” Naruto trailed off, peeking up at Iruka to gauge his reaction. Iruka kept smiling, but he remembered that night he’d seen Reiko with Junpei. She was probably dead or broken.

“I think you’d be a little young for Reiko’s tastes,” Iruka replied, still smiling in that fake way he’d mastered a long time ago. Iruka glanced over the back of the couch and out the small window. A few birds flew by, against a backdrop of fluffy clouds.

“Would you like to go for a walk, Naruto? It’s a pretty day outside,” Iruka suggested. His son had been playing in the kitchen all morning while he did some reading on the couch, and Iruka could tell he was getting a little antsy. The blonde nodded, but headed towards the kitchen to pick up a drawing he’d been working on.

“Can I finish my picture first?” Naruto asked. His tone of voice was strange, and Iruka looked at him sharply. Naruto stood very still with his back towards Iruka, waiting for permission. A chill shot up Iruka’s spine, and he shivered a bit.

That was weird.

“Of course…what’s your picture of, Naruto?” Iruka asked, standing up and slowly walking towards his son to look over his shoulder at the drawings he’d been doing on the kitchen floor.

They were violent – black and red and full of anger. Iruka gasped. He hadn’t seen Naruto draw pictures like that since he’d first taken him in, when Iruka thought that drawing might help Naruto express his feelings.

“They’re red drawings.” His voice sounded strange – gravelly almost – and Iruka worriedly grabbed his son’s shoulder and turned him around, snapping him out of whatever strange funk he was in.

He had not turned him too late to see a tinge of red in the boy’s eyes, slowly seeping back into blue. Iruka swallowed thickly.

“These…pictures. You haven’t drawn these in awhile, Naruto.” The boy blinked at him confusedly.

“It’s just a picture of our…house,” Naruto said slowly, as he looked down and saw that he hadn’t been drawing a picture of their house at all. He took a step away from the pictures, as if they frightened him. Iruka didn’t blame him. “I didn’t draw those, Dad. I didn’t draw those! Did you draw those?” Naruto asked, beginning to get panicky. Iruka turned Naruto away from the pictures and picked him up, even if he was really too heavy to be carried.

“Calm down, Naruto. You’re getting upset.” Over Naruto’s shoulder, Iruka stared down at the violent red gashes drawn all over the paper. “You just forgot yourself for a little while. It’s okay.” He’d thought for sure that Naruto was better. Naruto had stopped spacing out, stopped loosing his memory, and he had stopped drawing such violent artwork.

Iruka felt helpless, just like he had felt last night. He hated feeling helpless.

In his arms, Naruto began to cry – big fat tears that soaked Iruka’s shoulder. Iruka rubbed his back and finally moved to the couch with him, holding him while he had his fit. He rocked him for hours it seemed. Naruto was muttering, but Iruka could not understand him. Tirelessly, Iruka rocked him and comforted him.

“I love you, little cat, I love you, calm down, little cat,” Iruka soothed. His voice was going hoarse.

Such scenes had been common in their house three years ago, but they had slowly stopped and Iruka had forgotten how heartbreaking they were…and how frightening.

Finally, Naruto was calm again and exhausted. Gently, Iruka laid him on the couch and tucked a blanket around him. He looked so small.

There was a soft knock on the door. Cursing under his breath, because he was really in no mood to have any visitors – especially the Mizuki/Kakashi variety, he went to the door. He opened it quietly.

It was Kakashi.

“What’s wrong?” Kakashi immediately asked, his happy expression disappearing in an instant. He had a big basket of vegetables in his hands.

Iruka spaced out as he stared at the vegetables and his thoughts rambled for a moment.

‘Kakashi is a ninja, so he should know about trauma. Maybe he’ll know what I should do for Naruto,’ Iruka thought. He looked up at Kakashi’s worried face slowly, as if debating with himself about something.

“Stay there,” he said quickly, before shutting the door. Kakashi took a few steps backwards and looked down at the vegetable basket.

Iruka opened the door again and slipped out, clutching something in his hand. He was dressed in ratty old sweatpants that were ripped on one leg, and a white t-shirt that was covered in snot and tears. Something had happened with Naruto. Kakashi absently set the basket down and stuck his hands in his pockets, waiting to hear what was wrong.

“I don’t know if Naruto’s told you anything about how I found him, but he had these fits for a long time where he’d throw things and try to hurt himself. He couldn’t explain what was bothering him. No one had ever really taught him to speak. So I had him do drawings. They looked like these,” Iruka flipped the papers over and showed him the angry red gashes. They looked like wounds. “Naruto hasn’t drawn pictures like this in a long time. Years ago, he would blank out and couldn’t remember what he’d been doing.” Iruka wandered away, clutching the papers almost fearfully. “There was a bird… we found him. He had a broken wing, so we took him home. I don’t know what happened… but I came home one night and the bird was dead. Someone…Naruto…had strangled it. I didn’t know what to do, but I didn’t have any help so I just comforted him and made him draw – all the time. Things got better, I thought, but he had another fit today, and he drew this. I can’t send him to school like this. He’s sick. He could hurt someone and not even mean it. There used to be times when he got upset and couldn’t control himself. He’d hit me over and over – fighting me tooth and nail.”

Kakashi was quiet for a long moment and then said, “You were stupid for enrolling him at the Academy, then. You knew he wasn’t mentally sound. What were you thinking?” Iruka seemed to shrink in front of him, and Kakashi instantly regretted how harsh he’d sounded. Iruka clutched the angry drawings so hard that the edges crumpled up in his hands.

“It was the only thing I could tell him that gave him hope! He didn’t start improving until I started telling him about my parents being ninja. At the time, I thought it was my parents looking after me in a way. It was so hard to deal with him – I was in way over my head – and then, miraculously, talking about my parents calmed him down. He wanted to know everything about ninja. He became obsessed. Coming to the Academy was his dream, and he worked hard to get past all the bad things he did. I thought he was better.”

Kakashi took the drawings, staring at them intently.

“These aren’t normal drawings,” he said. Iruka shot him a look as if to say, ‘Really? No shit.’ Noting the look, Kakashi scowled. “I mean to say that there’s chakra all over them.”

“Chakra?” Iruka repeated confused. He had never attended the ninja Academy – his parents had wanted him to do something safer – so the concept of chakra was fuzzy to him.

“Yes. It’s invisible energy that ninja can transfer into things. These drawings are filled with it – more than a boy like Naruto should be able to put out, especially one who is untrained.”

Kakashi pushed up his forehead protector and studied the drawings with his Sharingan. The pictures glowed red with a demonic chakra he’d only sensed once before in his lifetime.

“How does Naruto know about the fox demon? He shouldn’t have even been born yet,” Kakashi asked sharply. Iruka froze. Something inside him knew, even though he didn’t want to admit it.

Those strange whisker markings on his cheeks, and the tribal looking tattoo on his belly that faintly appeared when he got angry…

Iruka shook his head in denial. “Naruto’s just strong. He’s had to be, to survive what he’s been through. He’s just a normal boy.”

“I don’t think he is, and I think you know why, too, Iruka. Did you know that the fox demon was defeated by being sealed inside a human baby?” Iruka blanched. “No one knows what happened to that baby, Iruka.”

“That’s horrible! What monster would do that to an innocent child?” Iruka’s expression turned ferocious. “What monster would do that to my son?” he asked darkly, his eyes snapping with anger.

“He was not a monster. He was my teacher. The demon was killing everyone – it had to be stopped.”

“So my child paid the price?” Iruka clarified. “The monster that killed my parents is…is…inside my son?”

Kakashi felt sorry, unbelievably sorry, for the man standing in front of him. Life had been cruel to Umino Iruka. He folded the drawings and tucked them into his flak jacket. Wordlessly, he closed the distance between them and wrapped the other man up in his arms. Iruka clung to him tightly, as if Kakashi was his lifeline and he was drowning.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Iruka looked up at him and squeezed his arms painfully tight. Kakashi was sure his nails were drawing blood.

“Promise me, promise me, Kakashi, and give me your word, your vow, that you won’t tell anyone. If he found out…”

“Naruto would –”

“Don’t presume to tell me how my son would act. I think I know him a little better than you do, and Naruto isn’t the person I’m worried about. There’s more to this than you understand, and I’m telling you now that if people find out about this, what happens is going to be your fault, and I’ll never forgive you for that. Do you understand? I won’t loose Naruto because of this. I won’t. Promise me!”

“Iruka, I don’t –”

“Promise!” Iruka half-roared, shaking him harshly. When Kakashi remained silent, his expression unreadable, Iruka began to cry. It wasn’t much at first, but soon he was sobbing so hard that he couldn’t stand. He slid down against the wall behind him and grieved for his son that had a monster in his belly and imagining all kinds of horrific outcomes when the villagers found out about it.

Choosing the worst possible timing, Mizuki came up the stairs. Confused, he shot a glare at Kakashi and then moved to Iruka’s side.

“Baby face, what’s wrong? What happened?” Mizuki’s fingers went automatically towards Iruka’s hair, but Kakashi’s bored sounding voice stopped him.

“Don’t touch him,” Kakashi said, as if he was merely commenting on the weather. Mizuki glared at him hatefully and flipped him the bird.

“I don’t care if you’re a Jounin. Fuck off. I’m going to make you eat shit if you’ve hurt him.” Mizuki wrapped his arm around Iruka, as if to pull him into a hug.

And that was how Mizuki ended up dangling off the side of the building with a hand clenched mercilessly around his throat. Through his sobbing, Iruka looked up and realized what was going on.

“STOP IT! STOP IT NOW!” Iruka shouted. His next door neighbor opened his door as if to yell at them for the noise, saw the scene being played out, and shut his door firmly again. Iruka’s own door opened, and Naruto looked out curiously, rubbing his eyes.

“Kakashi-sensei?” he asked. “What are you doing?”

Mizuki began to make choking noises. Using more control than he felt like he had at the moment, Kakashi drug the man back over the rail and set him down.

His eye crinkled happily.

“We were playing a ninja game,” he replied. The blonde boy looked at his father, slumped against the wall again and sobbing, trying to stop the tears with his arms. He saw the spilled basket of vegetables. It upset him.

“What did you do to my dad?” he asked, pointing accusingly at Mizuki. The pale haired man shook his head, but was too out of breath to deny anything.

“Naruto, I want you to pack an overnight bag for you and Iruka. Do it now,” Kakashi said. Naruto hesitated, and studied the scene one last time before running inside the house and slamming the door behind him. Kakashi turned to Mizuki, who scowled at him hatefully. He was finally getting his voice back. “As for you, I don’t know who you are, but you’d be wise to –”

“I’ve known Iruka since we were seven. How long have you known him? Better yet, how much did you have to pay before he let you fuck him? I always got him for free,” Mizuki taunted with an arrogant smirk. Kakashi saw red. His mind supplied a million different ways to kill the scum who had (obviously) been the lover that had been so rough with Iruka the night before.

“Both of you…stop it. Please, just stop it. Now is not the time. Go home, Mizuki,” Iruka begged, tears still running in twin streams from his eyes. Mizuki stood, so that he towered over Iruka’s small, slouched form.

“Are you choosing him over me because of Tsubaki? I told you she’s just some girl that I –”

“Shut the FUCK up, Mizuki! Do I look like I care about your damn tramp right now?” Iruka rose to his feet, pushing Mizuki roughly in the chest. “Get the hell away from me, and I fucking mean it!”

“What the hell has gotten into you, Iruka?!” Mizuki asked incredulously. Kakashi, now more curious than angry (Iruka had chosen him over Mizuki, after all), waited to hear Iruka’s reply.

“I…I…I’m with Kakashi now, okay? So just leave. Please,” he begged. Mizuki was about to call Iruka on his lie, because it was obvious Iruka was lying, but just then the door opened and Naruto came out clutching a hastily packed bag.

“You heard him. Leave before I make you leave,” Kakashi threatened. Naruto moved to his father’s side, reaching for his hand.

For the first time ever, his father flinched when he touched him. Naruto held his hand more firmly and stared up at him.

“Daddy, what’s going on?” he asked helplessly. Iruka didn’t reply. He was watching Mizuki jump away by rooftop. “Daddy? Please say something! Why did you flinch? Dad, what’s wrong? What’s going on?”

“Naruto, hush. I’ll answer your questions later. Hold onto your dad tightly,” Kakashi instructed. Bewildered, Naruto grabbed Iruka’s leg in a tight hug. Numbly, Iruka looked down at his big blue eyes full of questions. Then there was smoke, and then Kakashi teleported them away.

Iruka studied Kakashi’s living room vacantly, wondering how he’d gotten there. Naruto let go of his leg – when had he grabbed it? – and the boy was staring up at him.

Iruka smiled at him, but it looked more like a grimace. Kakashi swept him off his feet and, startled, Iruka grabbed onto his neck.

“Naruto, you’re dad isn’t feeling well. I’m going to put him to bed.”

Iruka didn’t protest. He wasn’t feeling well at all. He was shocked and terrified. Kakashi put him onto the large bed and pulled a blanket over him.

“Wait here. I’ll only be a second.” Kakashi returned to the living room were Naruto was simply standing, his blue eyes narrowed and his mouth drawn into a taut line.

“Naruto, your dad needs some rest. Come with me,” Kakashi ordered. They left the apartment and Kakashi walked to the door next to his own. He knocked and waited.

When it swung open, a man dressed entirely in green spandex stood on the other side.

“Kakashi! My hip and modern –”

“Not now, Gai. I need a favor. This is Naruto. I know you just got back from an A-class, but can you take him to the training grounds and wear him down? He needs practice on the basics – lots and lots of practice. He’s entering the Academy tomorrow and he’s only had one training session with me.”

“You’ve taken on a pupil?” Gai asked, obviously surprised. He looked at Naruto, as if sizing him up. Naruto didn’t smile, as he usually would have. He was upset and confused.

“Yes. Will you train him until he wears out?”

“I would be honored to teach your promising pupil! Come on, Naruto! Let us go train!” Gai announced loudly, shutting his door behind him and beaming down at Naruto with impossibly white teeth. The blonde boy looked at Kakashi as if his teacher had lost his mind.

“Go with him, Naruto. He’s a friend of mine,” Kakashi said. Gai broke into manly tears.

“I’ve never heard you say –”

“Just take him, Gai. I owe you one.”

Gai stared down at the short boy. What potential did Kakashi see in him?

“We will start with 100 laps around Konoha!” Gai said, just to gauge the boy’s reaction. He merely stared at Kakashi’s closed front door, clearly distracted. “Make that 150 laps, as punishment for not focusing!” Gai boomed.

Naruto finally looked at him. He narrowed his eyes and stuck his chin out.

“Why only 150? Is that all you got in you, old man?” Naruto asked rudely. Gai, however, merely laughed.

“You aspire to be my rival as well! I am impressed with your competitive SPIRIT! Let us start our laps!” Gai took off jogging, Naruto following closely on his heels with a sigh. He was worried about his dad, and he didn’t feel like exercising at the moment.

Kakashi returned to Iruka’s beside.

“Where’s Naruto?” Iruka asked. Kakashi sat down on the edge of the bed, but he didn’t touch Iruka.

“I found him a babysitter for the afternoon. He’ll have fun, so don’t worry about him,” Kakashi reassured. “You can just rest for the afternoon. I won’t let anyone bother you.”

Iruka looked up at him sadly.

“What do you want in return?” he asked. Kakashi shook his head.

“I don’t want anything. I just want you to calm down and rest. I’m sorry I lost control and made you upset. There’s something about you that trips me up. You’re a strange one, Umino Iruka,” Kakashi mused with a small smile. Iruka snorted mirthlessly.

“I’m not the strange one. You read porno in public and sent me sixty bouquets of flowers.” Kakashi grinned underneath his mask.

“You said it yourself – one was just a good start. I had to do better than that.”

“I didn’t mean I wanted more flowers, and you know it. Besides, you shouldn’t listen to people muttering when they think they’re alone,” Iruka scolded. Kakashi tucked a lock of Iruka’s hair back in place behind his ear. As if the action reminded him, Iruka sat up and pulled the tie out, shaking his hair a bit and running his fingers through it to remove the major tangles. He tugged his shirt off.

“Can I borrow one of yours? This one’s dirty,” Iruka explained innocently. Kakashi, meanwhile, was trying to recover from the sexy way Iruka had just flipped his long hair and then pulled his shirt off. “Kakashi? Hello? You in there?” Iruka asked tiredly.

“Oh! Um…hold on a second.” Kakashi moved to his wardrobe and pulled out a black ANBU tank top that had gotten too small for him a long time ago. It would probably be tight on Iruka, too. “I outgrew that awhile ago. It should fit you,” Kakashi said. Iruka tugged the top on and smoothed it down.

It was deliciously tight. With his soft hair hanging down around his shoulders, dressed in Kakashi’s old tank top, looking so vulnerable…he was simply gorgeous. His face was still puffy though, and Kakashi remembered what the man had just been through.

“Do you…want to talk about it? I can go ensure that Mizuki leaves you alone permanently, if you’d like,” Kakashi asked awkwardly, returning to sit on the bed. Iruka stared at him for a few moments and then something changed in his eyes. He leaned forward, tugged Kakashi’s mask down, and kissed him. When the kiss ended, Iruka remained close to his face, staring at him thoughtfully.

“You’re a good person, aren’t you? You try to act like you’ve seen it all, but you’re pure – really pure. You’re strong in that respect and you know right from wrong, don’t you?” Iruka asked softly.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Kakashi replied, resisting the urge to blush. The look Iruka was giving him had suddenly turned smoldering. The look went straight to his cock.

“When I was young, everyone said I was a tease,” Iruka confessed, still not smiling but his eyes! It was like they were hooking him, drawing him closer, hypnotizing him.

“I don’t think…you’re like that,” Kakashi forced out. Iruka grinned, slowly, playfully.

“Do you think I need someone to take care of me?” Iruka asked in a voice that was practically a purr. His face was tilted up and his voice was almost childish in its softness. Everything about him begged to be kissed and reassured. Kakashi tried to kiss him – their lips were so close! – but Iruka leaned back ever so slightly and licked his lips instead. “Is that what you think?” he asked again. Kakashi wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying – his mind was on that darting, pink tongue.

“I…I think…you need someone to…take care of you,” Kakashi agreed, hoping it would be the answer that would earn him another kiss. Iruka’s hands slid up his chest in a sensual, caressing way. Iruka worried his bottom lip with his teeth, looking up through his lashes at Kakashi. “Then it’s obvious you don’t know me at all, because I’ve been taking care of myself without anyone’s help for a long, long time. I’ve taken care of tougher men than you, sweetheart.” Iruka’s playful expression was gone instantly, and Kakashi snapped back to awareness. Iruka held his own kunai against his throat.

He hadn’t even noticed.

“So don’t ever dangle one of my friends off of a building, because you don’t know me, you don’t know where I’ve been, and you really don’t know what you’re getting tangled up in. Bad luck follows me like I’m cursed, and just being my friend is going to invite more problems into your life than you can handle, trust me. Maybe I could have been the kind of lover you want a long time ago – before I met Mizuki, before everything became so amazingly fucked,” Iruka lowered the kunai, and gently brushed his thumb over the skin he’d almost cut with it, “But I’m damaged goods now. Use me as a friend when you’re lonely, if you need that, but this – whatever this is,” Iruka dropped his hand and cupped his erection, “needs to stop, before I drag you down with me. Do you understand? These problems with Naruto and Mizuki – it’s just going to get worse before it gets better.”

Angrily, Kakashi pushed Iruka’s hand away and got right in his face. There was no flash of fear in the brunette’s eyes.

“Don’t patronize me, Iruka. So you reeled me in. Whatever it is about you that makes you so damn addictive works on me, too, and on hundreds of other men as well, I’m sure. But I’m not like them. If I wanted you to love me, Iruka, I could make you love me. I’m not going to let some whore control me. Don’t think so highly of yourself just because you’ve got a cute ass.” Iruka glared at him, about to slap him again, but Kakashi caught his hand. “No, I don’t think you’ll be doing that anymore.”

“You can’t make me love you, Hatake. I don’t care how many flowers you buy me,” Iruka retorted maliciously. Kakashi only laughed at him.

“Then why did you ask Mizuki to leave instead of me?” Iruka’s eyes narrowed.

“Because Mizuki’s parents were killed by the fox demon as well, and unlike me, he’s never gotten over it. If he knew Naruto had the demon inside him, he’d go psycho. I wanted him to leave before you blurted it out and Mizuki killed my kid!” Iruka snorted mirthlessly. “What? Did you think it was because I had a crush on you? Please.”

“Then why did you tell him you were with me?” Kakashi asked. He was starting to sound more confused than cocky. Iruka tugged his hand out of Kakashi’s hold and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Because Mizuki’s a coward, and you’re stronger than he is. Until Naruto stops having fits, I have to keep Mizuki away from him. Mizuki’s not stupid. He’ll figure it out just like you did. His purpose in life is to kill the monster that killed his family. It’s the only thing that he really cares about – even more than he cares about me.”

“He hurt you last night. He wouldn’t have treated you that way if he really cared about you at all. I would never treat you that way,” Kakashi replied, feeling stupid and bewildered. Just when he thought he’d gained the upper hand, Iruka threw him for a loop.

The brunette’s gaze softened, and he pushed away Kakashi’s forehead protector. The Sharingan started spinning wildly. Iruka shook his head.

“I feel like I’m looking into a mirror when I look at your eyes. It’s strange and it makes me sad,” Iruka said, tugging the forehead protector back in place. “Mizuki…how do I even begin to explain Mizuki to you? He’s always hurt me. I don’t think he’s ever kept a promise that he’s made to me.”

“Then why? Why love him? It doesn’t make any sense!” Kakashi replied, gripping Iruka’s shoulder as if he wanted to shake some sense into him. Iruka smiled sadly at him.

“I didn’t understand why I loved him either, until I started raising Naruto. I love Mizuki like a parent loves their child. It’s unconditional. Just because people are bad – terrible even – do you think it means that they don’t deserve to be loved? Those are the people who need love most. Mizuki was my friend, my best friend. I can’t ever turn my back on him, just like I could never turn my back on Naruto. No matter what he does, or how he hurts me, the Mizuki I used to know a long time ago is still somewhere deep inside of him. My friend is in there somewhere – under all the pain and anger. I catch glimpses of him sometimes, but then he gets buried again. If I gave up on Mizuki, he’d have no one. If he needs me, I have to be there, because I promised him that a long time ago. Everyone deserves at least someone in their life that loves them like that, and I would have still been with him all these years, but he decided to leave me – it wasn’t my choice,” Iruka tried to explain.

Kakashi, however, was overwhelmed with frustration.

“So who loves you like that?” he asked, his eyes narrowed. Iruka shook his head and frowned.

“No one does, sweetheart, and that’s why you and I have the same eyes. Do you understand now? I wish I could love you, Kakashi, and make that look go away, because I know what you’re feeling and I know how much it hurts, but I just don’t have anything left to give to you. Naruto takes up so much of my energy – even if Mizuki hadn’t come back into my life, giving Naruto the attention he needs is a full time job. Now that Mizuki needs me again, too…there won’t be anything left. I’m spread thin as it is, and I’m barely holding Naruto and I together.”

Kakashi was quiet, and upset, and he stared at Iruka for a long time.

“I want to help you. Why can’t I try to love you like you…like you love Mizuki? I don’t want to see you break.” Iruka merely shrugged.

“I don’t know if you can. No one’s ever tried before, aside from my parents. Love takes a long time. Right now you’re in lust, Kakashi. It isn’t love. You think I’m a stupid whore who’s beneath you, and don’t deny it because I know that’s how you feel. Despite how hard you’re trying, you slip up every once in awhile and show what’s underneath all that charm.” Kakashi couldn’t deny that. Iruka had never let on that he knew, though.

“Maybe I thought like that –”

“Still think that,” Iruka corrected with a smile. Kakashi flashed him a guilty look and glanced away.

“Maybe I do think that on some level, but it’s become more than just wanting sex. I was celibate for a long time before I found you, and I would go back to that if I really thought you were beneath me. You’re not. There’s more to you than I realized,” Kakashi replied.

“It was funny watching you try to get to me through Naruto,” Iruka commented absently, falling backwards onto the pillows. “You wanted to strangle him,” Iruka said with a smirk. Kakashi wished he could hide behind his mask, but it was down and he felt particularly vulnerable without it. How had someone like Iruka seen through him – a shinobi trained to be manipulative and subtle? “And now, it’s funny watching you realize that you’re not as mysterious as you think you are,” Iruka said, his smile broadening.

“Okay, stop it. You’re intuitive and you understand how I think. You’ve made your point,” Kakashi snapped. Iruka chuckled.

“Alright then, as long as I made my point.” Iruka crossed his arms behind his head and stared at Kakashi curiously. “So you really want to love me, knowing I can’t love you back? Knowing I’ll never want to have sex with you?”

Did Kakashi want that?

“Because if you want to back out, you can. I won’t think any less of you. You could find some sweet guy that would worship you in all your legendary glory. I’m sure Mizuki, you and myself aren’t the only gay guys in Konoha.”

“I probably could,” Kakashi mused. He almost didn’t catch it, but there was a flash of disappointment in Iruka’s eyes. Still, Iruka kept talking.

“It will be hard for you, seeing me love Mizuki. I usually never say no to him when he wants sex, and it’s never pretty. I come out of it looking like hell. You’re possessive. It’s going to bother you.”

Kakashi glared at him, but didn’t respond.

“And what about Naruto? You don’t like him. He irritates you. If you spend all your time hanging around me, it means you’ll be hanging around him, too.”

“Are you trying to convince me not to fall for you?” Kakashi cut him off. Iruka frowned up at him.

“It would be easier on you. Don’t you wish you could go back to living the way you did before you met me?” Iruka asked. Kakashi ignored Iruka’s attempts to squirm away and stole a kiss from him.

“I know it’s crazy, but I don’t think I do. I like what’s underneath your underneath,” he said simply, leering at the tight tank top stretched over Iruka’s torso.

“You’re just a big pervert!” Iruka snorted, “And I actually believed you were being romantic for a second,” he said. Kakashi grinned.

“You’ve got to be tired. Take a nap. I’ll make us some dinner.”

“When will Naruto be back?” Iruka asked, already settling down into the pillows.

“I told Gai to train him until he wore him out. They should be back sometime tonight.”

“I hope you know I see through all these attempts to get rid of my kid so you can try to seduce me. It’s really pathetic of you, actually,” Iruka mumbled, just as he closed his eyes and a huge yawn slipped out. Kakashi’s grin faded and he watched Iruka for a few moments. Not knowing what compelled him, he leaned over and kissed Iruka’s temple.

“You’re really cute like that – even with tears all over your face.” Iruka didn’t respond. He was already fast asleep.


A/N: Sorry there were two chapters in the last post, but it's late and I'm too lazy to fix it. :P