My good for nothing

WARNING: Angst, mentions of Murder, semi-graphic gore like scenes, violence, and minor fluff. (This story just seems to get darker as I go on writing.)

The song At The Bottom, by Brand New, really inspired me to redo this chapter. Take a listen if you have the time. They are a great band.


“I feel happy in my solitude, I tell myself this everyday. I must tell myself this everyday because otherwise I will realize that the more I push away the more I want to hold on.” -Sasuke


CHAPTER 5: UNNATURAL REACTIONS


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These morning were really starting to become tiring. If he really stretched his imagination he could say it was sparring… With no warning or direction and deliberate attempt at butchery. The lack of sleep was the worst though. Sharing his bed with another living being who wanted to hack off his head didn’t exactly put him into a restful state. Although at least the damn dobe looked as haggard as he did. But that was only a small comfort.

A miniscule comfort.

The bags under their eyes and their wary stances. The tension that hadn’t left their bodies. It all started to lead down a road that so much resembled Hell. They just weren’t good for each other. Personalities and beliefs too different. It seemed he had made a dire mistake. One that was causing him to close in on himself. Remember and realize things he didn’t want to. This relationship, companionship whatever it was, it wasn’t good. It reminded him of being in enemy territory. The guard was always up and the worry ate you up inside to the point that your body felt exhausted. The feeling would only disperse when you got home.

But he was already fucking home.

Sasuke dodged another kicked aimed at his head and flipped away as an explosion of slicing air came from out of seemingly nowhere. He had almost been beheaded when Naruto had pulled off that little stunt three days ago. Everyday a new attack was revealed. The brunette had even started to resort to his own more powerful attacks.

For a person who was supposed to be guarding him, he sure did a botched up job. Rather it seemed like he would need someone to protect him for him.

The repairs for this twisted form of ‘sparring’ was going to cost him a fortune.

Yesterday his formal living room had been decimated by one of these deadly attacks. That incident was really the cause of the violence today. Which in itself was unusual since they normally fought for no reason at all.

***********

He had merely asked the idiot to dust. Not a huge deal. The furry was living with him he could contribute to the cleaning. Of course the fact that the room had about a five year gray coat of dust… Well he had figured the room would get clean anyway. Furry’s were supposed to know how to do all the household chores.

The room had certainly been dust free, as well as smashed to bits. The priceless old furniture, the trophies and vases, the expensive art… All broken. And the heinous fiend that had committed the crime sat innocently on a torn cushion.

“Is it clean enough Uchiha Sama?”

“You… Do you know what you’ve done? These were my family’s precious heirlooms! THIS WAS ONE OF THE LAST VESTIGES OF MY MOTHER! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU MORON!?”

Naruto had been completely calm. He had not flinched at the Uchiha’s booming voice, nor the crackling aura of killing intent. Rather he had looked at him with blank eyes and revealed a piece of his own history.

“My mother decorated our house too. Then you humans came and redecorated it with her blood, before burning it all to the ground. No more mother, no more home. Only hate and torment. This place reeks of that same thing.”

That last line had caused the Sharingan user slight confusion, but it was quickly forced away as boiling rage took over. Sasuke had been speechless. But not with sympathy. At least not much.

“And was I part of the crew that redecorated your house? I may be human but not all people are the same! What a lame excuse. You had no right!”

“I think I had the right. You humans are all the same. So caught up in your own lies that you can’t see what’s right in front of you. You‘re all hypocrites.” he hissed.

Throat scratchy from the horrid growl that was bubbling to the surface.

Sasuke had triggered the Sharingan. He would never forgive this. Though it was painful to be in this room. Though it reminded him of soft smiles never to be felt again, it had kept his mothers memory alive. Now maybe even that would be dead and gone.

“…I…am going to kill you.”

**********

Of course he hadn’t managed to kill the slave. He had only managed to wreck the room further. Leaving the bitterness to seep in slowly as each piece of wood fell to the fighters explosive force. Each piece feeling like it had been torn out of his skin.

Worse was taking the debris out to the trash pile. Knowing he had to do it. That the priceless treasures were broken and meaningless. It hurt having to burn away one of the few good memories he had left. It hurt far more that he would ever admit. The sobs were there dry and hacking, but the tears wouldn’t come.

Something inside of him was fucked up beyond repair.

Even now he didn’t know why the idiot had done it. Why he would do something so harsh and cruel. They had been getting along fairly well. So what had set the blonde off? When he had asked today with the intention of forgiving and never forgetting, he’d been snubbed.

“None of your business”

None of his business. Laughable. HIS living room smashed. HIS memories in the trash heap. But it was none of his business.

He didn’t even know why he had tried to make peace. If anyone of his other acquaintances had done the sort of debilitating damage Naruto had done, Sasuke would have happily chopped off their heads. The brunette was confused as to why he was starting to look forward to seeing the blonde. The confusion led to anger, and the rejected offered friendship stung more than he would ever admit.

So the sharingan user had thrown a kunai at Naruto’s chest. He’d even given the usuratonkatchi a taste of the Chidori. But the part demon healed ridiculously fast. It reminded him of one of his brother’s sayings.

“Even if you think you know everything about you opponent, even if you think your attacks are invincible, always expect your enemy to surprise you.”

Watching third degree burns heal in a matter of minutes had certainly been surprising. So had the sudden look of betrayal, anger and hurt that had shown in the crimson eyes. But he hadn’t been able to stop then. Anything from the times he had been happy was a treasure to him. Seeing it destroyed by someone he had been kind to. It had made his chest feel like an elephant had stamped on it. Like he’d been punched in the gut. A feeling of betrayal. Just like he’d seen in Naruto’s eyes.

He wanted to stop now though. Tired, he was so tired, emotionally physically. Close to an attack. But he wouldn’t apologize. Neither would the fox so now they were at a stalemate.

But just as Sasuke thought he would collapse, Naruto curled into a ball on the floor.

“Just… kill me. I don’t… care anymore.” he puffed out.

The Uchiha dropped to his knees, adding his own gasps for air. His head felt like a ball of lead had mysteriously gotten inside. He knew what that meant and tried his best to breathe evenly. No one must know of this. No one but the person who had diagnosed it.

He didn’t grant the Furry’s request. Part of him would have happily obliged, another part of him didn’t want to kill an opponent that had given up. Either way he was too focused on his current predicament to do either. Nothing to do but breathe. Slowly. Evenly.

“I’m hungry... Ramen…I want it”

Sasuke startled. Naruto often seemed to blurt out random declarations at weird moments. But as of yet the sharingan user was unsure if it was out of stupidity or a form of self preservation, as they always occurred around awkward moments. Remembering the dobe’s favorite food, the ebony haired mans lips quirked. It was strange how easily this boy changed his moods.

Ramen. The blonde ate a ridiculous amount of the salty noodles. Sasuke had (at the start of the slaves stay) carried a large supply of ramen. As of yesterday he had two cartons remaining. He remembered lunch from yesterday. Before he had made the mistake of asking the furry to clean.

*****

He’d been making fish and vegetables. A simple dish good for the body. Relatively easy to make. Just stick the vegetables in the rice cooker, and grill the pre-cut and seasoned fish on the stove. Sasuke was a bachelor and felt that, although food was necessary for the body, it was not worth spending a large amount of time on. Time he could be spending training. He was even making a portion for Naruto. Feeling generous as the smell of fish filled the room.

“What are you making mast-Sasuke?”

Said man had snorted. The dummy still had trouble with his name. And the idiot had been standing in the doorway for the last five minutes presumably working up the courage to ask that simple question. Hmph, he wasn’t that scary.

“Fish and vegetable with some rice.”

“Oh.”

It had been silent until Sasuke had taken the fish off and added the rosemary.

Naruto hadn’t liked the extra touch. That much had been clear after the furry had taken his first bite. The cheeks that had been flushed with pleasure tightened as his mouth thinned.

“You put pine needles on it?”

Sasuke had blinked in surprise. What was the idiot going on about. Insulting his food.

“What are you talking about. The only thing I put on there was rosemary. A lot of people use that spice.”

“Why would they use something that has the taste and texture of a pine needle?”
Naruto had asked, sounding genuinely bewildered at the stupidity of such an act. His face still in a pained grimace.

Sasuke had surprised himself by laughing. He supposed it really was just like a pine needle. He had been influenced by society again, without knowing. Just because everyone else used it, the black eyed man had felt it was his duty to use it as well. He really didn’t even like it himself. Unsettling how he had thought he had been above and beyond any social class. Above the influence of any social standard. Obviously he was still somewhat like the high class he so despised.

As Naruto grumbled and set about making some food to salvage his abused tongue in the form of ramen, Sasuke reflected.

This creature that was the dregs of society was really showing him some insight. Insight on the flaws of man, and the flaws in himself. Showing him things that he had thought he had been above.

Though he couldn’t help but feel a little insulted that the dobe had shown such blatant distaste for something he had made for him.

***********

“You know that dish I made for lunch yesterday?”

“Yeah. The one with the pine needles.”

“My brother Itachi taught me that one. He was actually pretty good at cooking. Said he had to be prepared for living on his own. Even though he was only 15.”

It was quite for a few seconds. Sasuke didn’t know what he was doing. Making a conversation over the food they’d had yesterday. Especially after they had just tried to kill each other. The air conditioning kicked in, making a soft humming sound. The cool air blowing over their sweaty faces. The coolness a blessing. Naruto sighed softly, turning his head to look at Sasuke slight curiosity and timidness in his eyes.

“What…What happened? To your brother I mean?”

The Uchiha’s eyes glazed over as he remembered. The metallic taste on his tongue. The smell of burning flesh, of spilled guts. The sound of screaming. Of retching and broken bones. Worst the sound of metal sliding through giving skin. A sound he was all too familiar with now. He felt himself smirk. But it didn’t feel as if he had control of his face. Or his voice. Like he was a puppet being used by some crazy demon from the darkest recess of his mind.

“You see these walls? They look pretty new right?”

“Ah-yeah” The furry responded uncertainly. Wonder and slight worry in his voice.

Sasuke was facing in his direction, but didn’t see the tanned whiskered face. In his mind he saw a pale face, with black eyes. A thin sneering mouth.

“I have them recoated and sanded or replaced every year.” He chuckled. The noise sounding creepy and ill placed.

“They have blood on them you see. It just doesn’t seem to go away. Even though it happened over ten years ago. It doesn’t go away. I can still see it.”

He laughed outright then. And winced as the deranged sound floated back to his ears. Damn. Sasuke tried to make himself stop. Sharing this, going through this again. He didn’t need this. Sighing he turned away from the fox’s wary gaze. Forehead wrinkling he placed an arm over his eyes.

“All dead. All murdered. Cousin Natsu was laying about where you were. His body anyway. I don’t know where his head was… I played with him a lot as he was only a year younger than me. I tripped over his foot when I was running away. All that blood. I only recognized him because he was wearing that stupid necklace I gave him. Friends forever. But he left me. I was trying to find my parents... But the entirety of my extended family was over. So I had to sort through a lot of bodies. All those people. But no one could stop him”

The proud sharingan user was shaking now. Anger at himself. Anger and shame at these stupid attacks that left him out of control. Now someone was witnessing it. This horrid thing. Nobody needed to know the gory details. Everyone knew, of the tragedy. It had been all over the news. But he had only personally told the story to a select few people. Yet here he was blabbering away in some insane fashion to a slave he had barely known for two weeks.

He clenched his fist and felt warmth slide down his wrist, as Naruto cleared his throat.

“Your brother right? He-” there was a pause and the sound of lips being wetted.

“He did those things”

Sasuke bit his lip harshly. The reminder, even though he remembered daily, even though it had been years ago. Still it caused this reaction. This denial. He’d seen it with his own eyes, but denial was still the first emotion he felt when he remembered. Then horror, then anger. Depression, blankness, hoarse shouts at the world. But no tears. He must be insane. Often he was told it was only because acceptance hadn’t come yet. That’s what Kakashi had said. But it had been a long time now. Still nothing had changed. It was the same as it had always been.

Time was supposed to get rid of these memories. But he just couldn’t stop dwelling on them. It was pathetic. He should have moved forward long ago. Forgiven the act his brother had committed and tried to be happy. That hadn’t happened and it wasn’t going to happen.

“Yes.” He rasped.

Throat refusing to cooperate. Not wanting to let out the truth of the matter. Mind and heart were two different things. He waited for the ‘I’m sorry!’ or the ‘How horrible’ or the ‘Poor thing!’ Those meaningless words always followed.

But there was none of that. The sound of the air conditioner softly humming was the only sound for a great while, that and the harshness of his own breathing.

“That sucks. Your past is pretty shitty isn‘t it?”

The Uchiha found himself laughing hysterically. That sucks. Yeah it had. But no one had ever put it that way before. Not so bluntly. No in such a crude fashion. The was sympathy there. But there wasn’t pity. Probably because this person’s past was just as bad. He had lain there and endured this whole episode. Maybe he was disgusted. But he was still here, and that was really all that mattered. Naruto hadn’t run away.

That was really something.

“Yeah it did suck. I still find it hard to wrap my mind around it. That my whole family was killed by my own brother. I really looked up to him.”

Sasuke turned to look at the golden haired boy. There was a strained look on his face. A face that was far too pale. But it was the eyes, the eyes that held back nothing. A look of such pain and suffering, it caused the Uchiha to suck in a breath.

“At least you had a brother. At least you have memories of good times. You can look… at those memories and realize that there are good things. I have none of those. I…think your lucky. It’s bad what your brother did. But you are worse for still letting it affect you. You have a lot you can look forward to. You are free.”

Those simply spoken words had hurt worse that any physical blow Sasuke had ever received. What did this moron know of it? Nothing. Saying he was lucky that he had good memories, that he’d had a brother. He wished he had never known the lot of them. Better that than having these horrid thoughts and remembrances. Knowing and trusting only to have it shattered and broken. Never knowing exactly why.

It had been stupid to open up to the idiot at all.

He compressed his lips to keep from screaming. The lead ball in his head suddenly enveloped him entirely. There was no longer a Blonde slave in the room, and he was no longer an adult.

Standing up on shaking legs he made his way to his room. Not seeing the look of dread, and regret in the part demons eyes. Not hearing his own screaming, as he slammed the door to his room shut.

Everything was red.


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I hate rosemary. I really do. So a bit of added mystery in this chappie. I have re- edited and tried to tone down the angst. Some added details about Sasuke insanity. I always thought he'd be good for this kind of role... ^^

Please review! It really gets me going when I get a nice pile of them. Criticism is always welcome as long as it’s constructive. I realize my grammar probably won’t be that great. I have no beta, and I seem to skip over all my spelling flaws. I see only what’s meant to be there.

I hope to have the next chapter up soon!

Chishio