Growing Up Sakura

Note: I am not going to make a big deal over the age difference in this story because in Japan and many Asian cultures age is not the big deal it is here in the States. I mean the age of consent in Japan is 13 for crying out loud! Although I read there are rules against adults having sex with minors I think its still 17 and not eighteen even though an adult is considered to be 20. . . Man that’s confusing. Anyway, bottom line “age not big deal, emotional barriers are” Kapeesh? (Still don’t know how to spell that) so I that’s that for anyone who has questions about people not thinking “oh my! They’re 14 years apart!”

Chapter 10: Sakura’s Mask, Chapter 11: Of Masks and Men


Kakashi woke to a loud and annoying pounding in his head. As he woke up a little more he realized that it was actually a loud and annoying pounding on his door accompanied by the VERY loud and annoying voice of his former student and current blond headed team member.


“KAKA-SENSEI! OPEN THE DOOR NOW! I WAITED FOR SEVEN HOURS!” Naruto screamed through the door in between pounding. “DAMN IT OPEN UP!”


“Right,” though Kakashi slowly, “Training today. Seven hours huh? Must be about 2:30 in the afternoon then.”


“DAMN IT!” Naruto yelled through the door! “I SENSE YOUR CHAKRA I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!”


“Maybe I should get that,” Kakashi thought as his poor door gave a warning creak at the constant pounding.


Sitting up and stretching he was a little sore from sleeping on his couch and he walked unconcernedly over to the door thinking, “Ok, lie, lie, I need a lie by the time I open this-“


“Hi Naruto, finally made it huh?” Kakashi said cheerfully opening the door just as Naruto was about to pound on it again causing the poor ninja to stumble into Kakashi’s apartment and almost land on the floor.
“KAKA SENSEI!” Naruto whined.


“Took you long enough to get here, Sakura figured out the clues first thing this morning if I knew your intelligence gathering skills were so rusty I might not have accepted being put on the same team as you again,” Kakashi said smoothly.


“My wha-? Clues? This morning? HEY!”Naruto stammered.


“Um yeah, I figured out your stupid clues they were just so obvious I thought I’d mistaken them for something else.” Naruto continued looking around back and forth quickly trying to figure out what the hell was going on.


“Well I guess 2:30 isn’t that bad for you, Sakura is a lot smarter then you after all. Well since you’re here before 4:00 you get to have the rest of the day off and since it’s the weekend after that we’ll rest Saturday and Sunday as well because Monday I expect us to be assigned a real mission,” Kakashi said in a bland voice thinking quickly how to get rid of Naruto before Sakura decided to come walking out of his bedroom. That would be a lot harder to explain away as training.


“Here Naruto,” Kakashi said handing him some money from his wallet, “Go get some ramen and have some fun.”


“You’re not getting rid of me that easy,” Naruto said pouting making Kakashi sweat under his mask. “I need to talk with you. I want to know if your think there really could be a chance that Sasuke’s ok.”


“Do you want me to tell you the truth Naruto?” Kakashi asked still nervous about Sakura suddenly walking out of his bedroom and into the middle of this conversation. Images of Sakura wearing his clothes and sauntering out in front of Naruto haunting his thoughts.


“Yes, the truth,” Naruto said flatly.


“No, if the third couldn’t beat him there’s no way Sasuke could even with Sharingen,” Kakashi answered.


“That’s what I figured you’d say,” Naruto said dejectedly. “I think you’re probably right but I still have this feeling that he’s out there. I made a life long promise to Sakura that I’d get Sasuke back Kakashi sensei. I’ve never broken one of my promises. I almost feel like if I break this one I might break the one I made to someday become Hokage. My promise to Sakura was almost that important.”


“Naruto, the two are not connected. You’ve got to realize that. You made yourself responsible for Sasuke but that was never really in your power. If it was in anyone’s it was mine. Naruto, we’ve all had these conversations before, we’ve gone through all the doubts and fears. We knew that this was likely to happen. After all even Sasuke knew that Orochimaru wanted to make him his vessel.” Kakashi said placing a comforting hand on the young blonde’s shoulders.


“I guess. Do you think I’m a fool for holding out hope,” Naruto asked afraid to look into his former sensei’s eye.


“Truthfully?” Kakashi asked in a very stern tone.


“Please,” Naruto replied quietly.


“Of course not baka! That’s one of your best qualities, one I’ve never really had. You always look for the best out of things and even expect it. Most of the time you even get it, even if you are the one to turn the situation around. You’ll make a wonderful Hokage someday Naruto, you’ll be an inspiration to everyone. You already are to me, and I know you are to Sakura too,” Kakashi said spiritedly.


“THANKS KAKA-SENSEI!” Naruto said smiling widely eyes tightly closed. “Well if I’m going to become Hokage I better get some nourishment after waiting arou- I mean searching out your clues all day! Thanks for the three-day weekend! Hinata will be so excited!”


With that Naruto shoved the money Kakashi gave him in his pocket and ran out the door to the Ichiraku spirits raised immeasurably.


“Phew!” said Kakashi, relieved that he was so used to coming up with excuses for himself being late. It made it easier to lie convincingly when the need arouse.


One thing was bothering Kakashi though. Naruto had sensed his chakra in the apartment but not Sakura’s and as he let his consciousness search for her he couldn’t sense her either. Suddenly worried, Kakashi poofed straight into his bedroom, not even bothering to walk the few steps that were necessary from the living room to the bedroom.


“Sakura!?” he called looking around.


“AHH! You could have just knocked!” Sakura growled from his bed pulling the bed sheet up to her chin in surprise. “I could have been naked.”


“Are you shielding your chakra?” Kakashi asked looking at her puzzled.


“Yes, I’ve been up for an hour now and I sensed Naruto coming so I figured it would be best to hide the fact that I’m in my former teachers bedroom,” Sakura replied testily.


“Sakura . . . I know I said that you were welcome to anything in my house, and-you-are! But. . . why are you wearing one of my masks,” Kakashi asked genuinely puzzled.


“I’ve decided to pick up the habit,” Sakura said quietly sitting up a bit straighter and lowering the blanket fixing Kakashi with a stare that just screamed ‘and what are you gonna do about it?’


“Is this about what happened last night?” Kakashi asked realizing even as the words spilled from his mouth how stupid they were.


Sakura’s eyebrow arched about an inch above the other, as she replied flatly, “No I decided your excuse for wearing a mask to cover up the constant smell of ramen emanating from Naruto was valid.”


“Sakura, you don’t need to-“ Kakashi began sheepishly.


“No, Kakashi. Don’t start. I’m not being silly here. I’ve given this a lot of thought,” Sakura said calmly, “ I admit at first I was just wanting to hide from what happened behind a mask, but it’s more than that now. I began really thinking about what it is to be a ninja and how to cope and get over inadequacies. I always wear my emotions on my sleeve. I just don’t have a face that can hide what I’m thinking. To be a really excellent ninja I have to disguise my emotions. I can do that behind a mask. It’s not like it’s uncommon, a lot of shinobi cover their faces, and besides whatever other reasons they have I’m sure that’s one of them. You’re more a mystery with a mask on. It can even be intimidating to some people. And besides that as a medic I have to cover my mouth and nose often during procedures. How much quicker if I am already wearing a mask.”


“Those are all valid reasons Sakura I may even agree with them. But I have a feeling that the one you’re really using is hiding from what happened. If that’s it I would prefer you didn’t wear it,” Kakashi said quietly. “I’ve been wearing a mask for a long time Sakura. A really long time. I know countless shinobi who cover their faces for just the reasons you mentioned. Wearing a mask is a blessing and a curse. It keeps you apart from the world in a way that can’t be described in words. It’s very hard to ever let someone become truly close to you because once you put it on. It tells people you don’t want them to get to close just by glancing at you, and in order for it to be effective it has to stay on. It’s a life altering decision. I don’t want you to make it without the proper thought.”


“Are you showing me you don’t want to be close to me by wearing your mask?” Sakura said quietly looking into Kakashi’s eye.


“Yes” Kakashi thought instantly. “I don’t want to let myself get too close to you Sakura. I don’t want to lose what we have and spoil it by going too far.”


“No,” said Kakashi, “I feel closer to you then any other person living Sakura.”


“Me too,” replied Sakura, “Don’t worry Kakashi. I have thought about this a lot. I want to wear it. It makes sense anyway, I am your student too, not just Tsunade’s. I want to pay homage to you.”


“Besides,” Sakura said pulling down her mask, “I can choose who I open up to. I’m going to use this experience to my advantage Kakashi. I’m not a genin and I haven’t been for a long time. I’ve grown and I need to show it on the outside too.”


“Sakura,” Kakashi started quietly looking into her eyes. Even though he had seen her face for the past four years there was something so intimate about her revealing it to him even if she had only been wearing the mask for less then a day.


“Kakashi,” Sakura said softly looking back at him. Suddenly she flung herself into his arms and began to cry.

“I think I still need some help to get over last night,” Sakura said between sobs. “ I feel so dirty Kakashi. I feel so guilty. I feel like I led him on. We came close to having sex a couple of times when I was in Suna but I wasn’t ready. I just wasn’t sure about him. We’d come so close and then I’d just pull away and I thought he understood but I guess he thought I was just toying with him. I feel like a, a, I don’t even know what!”


Kakashi held Sakura close as she cried into his shoulder pouring her heart out. He let her spill out her feelings onto his shirt and the more she spoke the stronger the feeling was that he had done the right thing last night. And the stronger his feelings got for her. What feelings he wasn’t quite sure yet. He wasn’t good at the whole “feeling” thing. He felt like he wanted to protect her, but he could also feel her strength and it thrilled him. He felt like he wanted to hold her like this forever, to save her. To save him. He felt afraid at what he was feeling. And he felt like it was too late to stop it.


He held her until there were no words, and kept holding her until there were no more tears as well. He felt her weaken and picked her up in his strong arms and carried her to the couch sitting her beside him and she settled with her head on his shoulder and grabbed his gloved hand tightly in hers.


“Sakura, there is no excuse for what that baka did to you. You did nothing wrong. There are two people in a relationship and if one says no to sex for whatever reason that has to be respected. You know that in your head but it might take some time to make it to your heart. You always have me to talk to until that happens,” Kakashi said quietly staring at the wall in from of him and trying to ignore how good she felt against him.


“I know,” Sakura answered in a quiet voice rough from crying. “Kakashi, please promise me that you won’t ever tell anyone what happened. I don’t want anyone but you to know. Ever.”


“Of course,” Kakashi replied.


“Can I stay here with you again tonight? I don’t want to be alone,” Sakura asked embarrassed.


“No problem,” Kakashi answered. “You stay as long as you need to.”


Sakura stayed at Kakashi’s all day. He made them both a humble dinner of rice, vegetables and fish, which Sakura was surprised to discover she found rather tasty. After waking up earlier that afternoon Sakura had finally regained enough chakra to heal herself so she could walk comfortably and also performed the extremely unnerving and upsetting task of checking her body to ensure Ryu hadn’t gotten her pregnant. She was more then a little relieved to find herself clear of babies and had lain back exhausted on the bed until she sense Naruto’s chakra coming towards Kakashi’s house. Since Kakashi had poofed into her room scaring the shit out of her she had allowed herself to drain all of her feelings out to him. She was completely surprised at how comfortable she felt talking to Kakashi. Sure she had had lots of chats with him, sometimes about serious topics, but the fact that she was able to share something of this magnitude with no fear or even the desire to hold anything back was wonderful and in itself cathartic. She still felt vulnerable and a little frightened even, but after talking with Kakashi all day, at least in her head she knew that she was, and would be ok. Her heart was a long ways behind her head, but she new in time it would catch up.


After their meal they sat back on the couch and talked of other things, the small petty little things that make up life and make wonderful small talk with which to forget one’s problems. Top of the list happened to be Sakura’s mask.


“Um Kakashi, where do you get your masks anyway? I don’t suppose there is a Mask-Mart or Masks R’ Us anywhere around here is there,” Sakura asked smiling.


“Actually I have a tailor,” Kakashi answered, “When you wear a mask all the time it’s important that it fits correctly so it can be comfortable. As you and Naruto know I often where two layers of masks. This is in case anyone happens to accidentally pull it down or just to annoy any students you might have who constantly try to see your face.”


“I see,” Sakura said flatly.

“I can take you to see him whenever you’re ready. I suggest you think carefully what material and colors you want. You’ll want to have some for winter and some for summer, some that you will be able to eat or drink through. Stuff like that. I can make some suggestions for you,” Kakashi suggested.


“Yeah! I’ve eaten with you a million times now! How do you eat through that thing? Your so fast I can never tell!” Sakura asked intrigued.


“Well the secret lies in doubling up the masks. I have a slit over the mouth part of each mask that are slightly off from one another so using my speed I can move the slits to be right on top of the other and quickly shove the food in. I use masks that are both black for eating so that it no one notices the slit. And if worse comes to worse they only see the inside of my mouth,” Kakashi said crinkling an eye, “But sometimes I do just lower it to eat if I feel like it. It gives people a shock.”


“Kakashi, why did you let Ayumi and her father see your face that time when Sasuke, Naruto and I took you out but you never let us see it,” Sakura asked feeling a bit hurt.


“Sakura,” Kakashi replied. “ Everyone who wears a mask or covers their face has their own rule for who they show their face too if ever. To tell you the truth, Ayumi saw my face as a child before I started to wear a mask and so did her father. I thought that annoying you three was worth letting them see it again after so long. I choose to use my mask to keep myself mysterious and intriguing.”


“Kakashi there’s more to it then that,” Sakura said quietly, “I think I understand now part of why you wear a mask. You feel able to show that side of yourself to acquaintances rather than teammates because we mean more to you. Letting us see your face would give us a glimpse of your real self and create a bond much more intimate then we have, whereas letting people who don’t matter much to you see it makes you less interesting to them because the mystery is gone. You’re effectively using your mask to hide yourself in plain sight.”


“You’re a little too good at intuiting things Sakura,” Kakashi said feeling uncomfortable. This conversation was heading into uneasy territory that Kakashi had not had to come across for some time. He was terribly confused as well because although he felt like he should be upset or worried about her understanding him so well he just felt . . . relief. He wanted to share more with her. He yearned to get closer to her, to someone who really understood him better then anyone did who was still alive. It was a joy talking to her and it confounded him. He kept telling himself that he should push her away, stop the seriousness with a wry sarcastic comment and change the subject. But he couldn’t. Kakashi was afraid of changes in his personal life and this looked to be a pretty damn big one. He longed to get closer to Sakura in every meaning of the word, but he had the feeling that if he did it would be all to easy to slip away one way or the other and he didn’t know if it was worth the risk letting someone get that close again.


But as he had said earlier, there are two people that make up a relationship and although both were afraid of the change, both yearned for it as well. Two lonely souls were reaching for each other, and neither would be strong enough to fight it for long.


“I hope someday if you show me your face it will be to bring us closer rather then drive us apart,” Sakura said shyly looking at her knees and then quickly into his eye an back to her knees, “I believe my approach to my mask will be slightly different. I will only show my face to those I am close to, to bring them closer and let them know how dear to me they are. From now on my face will only be shown to those I most care about, the five most important people in my life.”


“Five?” Kakashi asked quietly.


“My mother and father, Naruto, Tsunade and . . . you,” Sakura said softly looking into his eye again.


“Sakura. . .” Kakashi began staring back into those beautiful green eyes that he had seen filled with thousands of emotions over their adventures together. From giddiness, to anger, to puppy love, to anguish, pleasure to pain, but never quite the look she had now. He honestly could not place it as it was something that had never quite been directed at him before in his life. It thrilled and frightened him, as no enemy had ever been able to accomplish.


“Kakashi. . .” Sakura said back feeling almost as if their thoughts were bumping into each other’s minds.


Quietly without speaking a word Kakashi lifted his hand slowly to his mask not removing his eyes for one second from Sakura. He slipped his finger underneath the fabric and slowly began pulling it down from his face.


Sakura watched in awe as her former sensei’s face came into full and glorious view for the first time. Even after all the years of wondering from big lips to buck teeth it was as if she knew what he would really look like all the time. His mask revealed a straight nose and sensuous mouth and strong chin with a little stubble on it since he hadn’t shaved for a day or two. It was so familiar yet exotic and everything she’d hoped and knew it would be. It was a man’s face with no femininity to it. Kakashi would be a hideous woman, but he made one hell of a man.


Unable to look away, Sakura reached for Kakashi’s hand and held it tightly tears beginning to form in her eyes.


“Am I that hideous you have to comfort me and start crying?” Kakashi said quietly making a feeble attempt at a joke to lessen the intense emotions of the moment.


“Don’t be a fool Kakashi,” Sakura mumbled still unable to look away.


They sat like that for a long time. Studying each other’s face and holding hands. After all their combined years, and experiences and even after the terrible events that they had been through the previous night and throughout their lives this was the most intimate and frightening one for either and neither wanted it to end or be the one to end it. After all it was ended for them when a loud knock came at the door and they both jumped about 4 feet into the air and into ready stances prepared to fight.


Laughing at their foolishness, Kakashi hurriedly pulled up his mask and motioned Sakura to get out of sight. Walking to the door, he opened it to find a senbon smiling Genma and a cigarette smoking Asume standing on his doorstep.


“Kakashi! You said you’d come out with us as soon as you got back! I know you’re always late but I think two days is a bit much even for you,” Genma said toying with his metal toothpick.


“Come on Kakashi, come out and tell us how your mission went. Gai’s already waiting at the bar.” Asume put in.


“Well I was considering going but that settles it,” Kakashi replied smartly, “ I’m staying home.”


“Why’d you mention Gai, asshole!” Genma shouted at Asume.


“Sorry!” Asume said looking guilty.


“Hey Kakashi, is there someone in there with you? I sense someone in your apartment?” Genma asked smiling broadly twisting this way and that to peer past Kakashi and get a better look at the inside.


“Crap!” thought Sakura realizing she forgot to hide her chakra and realizing she still wore Kakashi’s clothes.


“Crap!” thought Kakashi as he realized Sakura hadn’t hidden her chakra and she still wore his clothes.


“Isn’t that Sakura’s chakra?” Asume asked raising an eyebrow at Kakashi’s reaction to Genma’s statement.


“Yep, it’s the new about Sasuke, she’s real torn up about it and we’re having a chat so, so sorry I can’t go out but maybe tomorrow ok? BYE!” Kakashi said hurriedly crinkling an eye at them and slamming the door.


“Damn well that reaction probably just made them more curious,” Kakashi thought mournfully. I can’t think straight right now!


_________________________________________________________


“Well now I’m really curious,” said Genma to Asume as they walked puzzled away to go tell Gai Kakashi wasn’t coming.


“That was a bit odd,” Asume replied not nearly as interested as Genma.


“I’m going to keep an eye on those two,” Genma thought cheerfully being a lady freak and sensing romance in the air, “ ‘bout time they both got a little action. It’s been years since Kakashi got any and Sakura’s turned into one hot little lady and a teenager at that. They’re always horny little things, at least the one’s he knew.”


Perking up at that thought Genma said, “ Hey Asume, since Kakashi’s not coming I think I’m going to go find some lady’s. Send Gai my regards!”


“Wai-” Asume started to say as Genma flashed away leaving him alone on the sidewalk. “Damn you Genma, I don’t want to spend all night with Gai weeping over Kakashi’s absence by myself.”


He couldn’t really be mad though, if he hadn’t been preoccupied with lighting another cigarette he probably would have ducked out on Genma himself. Chuckling quietly he made his way to the bar, resigning himself to a night filled with “good guy” gestures and teary eyes.

_______________________________________________________________


“Kakashi?” Sakura said peeking from behind the corner of his hallway. “ Wasn’t the way you got rid of them gonna make them think we’re in here having sex?”


“No, just Genma, and he’d think that no matter who I had in here,” Kakashi said nonchalantly yet secretly slightly worried. He wasn’t even sure how he felt yet. Whatever was between Sakura was very tender and new and he wasn’t ready for people, even just Genma to be figuring them to have sex. He new if it even ever came to that, sex would be a ways off for Sakura after what happened with that bastard.


“Good,” said Sakura relieved. “ Kakashi, I know it’s early but I’m really tired.”


“Of course,” Kakashi said, “ Take my bed again. I’ll make up the couch for myself.”


“Are you sure?” Sakura said hesitantly, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You won’t be,” Kakashi replied lying slightly.


“Well, thanks for everything,” Sakura told him, then smiling coyly as she turned down the hall to his room adding quietly but loud enough so she knew he’d hear, “you gorgeous creature.”


Stunned and not quite sure why because he knew he was, Kakashi laid down on the couch and pulled out the new copy of Icha Icha that had lain forgotten in his pouch since the previous night.


“Finally a close relationship to which I know and understand the rules. Come my old friend! Lead me astray!” Kakashi thought settling into the story.


You like? You hate? I have them only holding hands cause Sakura’s not ready for more then that right now. I am trying to get across the feelings I had when I met my husband for the first time. We were instantly close and I felt unafraid to tell him things I wouldn’t have told others. I know Kakashi and Sakura have known each other for a while but I just think that makes it more likely to happen. Sakura really KNOWS she can trust Kakashi. After future events there may be some awkwardness but as of now this is where things stand. Please R&R!!