Nameless Desires

Nameless Desires

Chapter 5: Should Have

"Perhaps if I finish explaining, things will be less painful," Sasuke suggested.

"Perhaps - or perhaps things will be even worse..." Naruto murmured. Sasuke hesitated before beginning again, Naruto's last words ringing in his ears. Sasuke hadn't ever thought of that possibility before. He had always assumed that if he were just able to explain himself to Naruto, that Naruto would forgive him. He had never imagined that his situation could get any worse than it already was.

"No," Sasuke said softly. "I won't accept that." Naruto's eyes narrowed as he looked at Sasuke. Sasuke's gaze remained neutral, but he was doing so with more difficulty than normal. He wanted to glare back at Naruto, but for the umpteenth time since Naruto had walked into his door, he knew that he couldn't do that. He had to be patient.

Sasuke hated being patient, but Sasuke owed Naruto his patience.

Their staring contest was suddenly interrupted as Sasuke's desk phone rang. He let it ring, not bothering to pick it up. The phone stopped ringing, but less than five seconds later the phone began to ring again.

"Aren't you going to pick it up?" Naruto asked, his eyes never leaving Sasuke's.

"I wasn't planning on it," Sasuke said, as he waited for the phone to stop ringing. Naruto just raised his eyebrows. The phone finally stopped ringing, but then Sasuke's cell phone rang. Bring Bring. Bring Bring.

"Obviously someone is trying very hard to get a hold of you," Naruto said bemused as he noted that Sasuke had decided to keep the standard ring tone setting on his phone.

"Yes, and clearly I don't want to be disturbed," Sasuke said, as he hastily took his flip phone from his pocket, flipped it open and immediately flipped it back shut again, effectively hanging up on whoever it was that had tried calling him. He turned his cell phone off and then pushed several buttons on his desk phone, turning the ringer off on that as well. Naruto wondered if that was the person that Sasuke was supposed to be meeting for dinner, and he felt almost guilty for taking Sasuke away from the meeting. Almost.

Standing slowly, Sasuke turned his back on Naruto and faced his bookshelf. He ran his hand over the books, his fingers lingering longer on some books than others. Naruto saw that the books that Sasuke had mentioned, Nectar In A Sieve, The Tale of Genji, Fire and Hemlock, and some of the historical Japanese books Sasuke had also talked about that had all apparently told him that age differences were okay, stood proudly on the shelves amidst taller, more business-oriented (and boring) looking books. All of the non-business books seemed to have been placed lovingly on the shelves, as though Sasuke thought that they were more important since they seemed to emphasize his own beliefs.

"You wouldn't believe how many historical figures have had male lovers. Alexander the Great had both male and female lovers. King James I of England was known for signing letters to his lover, signing his name under "Your loving wife" to his male partner. Go figure he thought himself as the wife. It's also rumored American President, James Buchanan, the only American bachelor, was gay. There are actually several political cartoons of the time that show him wearing a dress for being gay. Of course, in Chinese history, homosexuality dates back to the 600BC, and can be seen in the Song, Ming, and Qing dynasties, and I'm sure I read a story that was set during the Sui-Tang dynasty switch where the Emperor had an affair with two of his eunuchs. Then of course, here in Japan, countless number of yaoi films and manga..." Sasuke murmured.

"Why didn't you just ask me?" Naruto asked. Sasuke spun around. "You kept on thinking about asking me, but you never did."

"What would you have said?" Sasuke asked, his eyes boring into Naruto's. Naruto had to look away.

"I don't know," Naruto murmured honestly. Then his voice was bitter, "You didn't even ask. And then, that night, the pain, and what you said-" Naruto said, swallowing his misery, fighting back tears.

"Wh-what I said?" Sasuke said, trying to fight back his emotions, but it was so hard, watching Naruto sitting there, relieving it. "I don't remember saying much," Sasuke said. Naruto's eyes flashed at him, and Sasuke knew he had said the wrong thing. "But that's not to say I-I didn't. I was, you know, slightly-"

"Drunk?" Naruto said bitterly. "Yes, I know. It was easy to smell it on you." Sasuke blushed.

"Please let me finish explaining," Sasuke said, moving away from the bookshelf, and coming closer to Naruto, crouching down so that he was lower than Naruto, looking at him as he sat in the chair. "There have been several times tonight, when I felt like-" Sasuke paused, searching for the right words, "when I felt like I was on the verge on grasping onto the right words, as though there is something I could say that would make you stop hurting. I think - I hope - you know I didn't intentionally mean to hurt you." Naruto sighed, nodding.

"I know," he murmured. Sasuke sat down on the floor in front of Naruto, purposefully making it so that Naruto was above him. It was a tactic that Sasuke had used many times in the business world. In order to make yourself seem more authoritative over someone else, to stand or sit higher than the other person would give you more apparent control. Now, Sasuke used the tactic to hopefully try and put Naruto at ease, make him realize that he would let Naruto control this situation.

"I suppose the hardest part about all of this," Sasuke said quietly, "is that even when Kyuubi seemed like a threat, you didn't seem in as much pain as you do now because of me..."


- - - - - - - - - - - -


Naruto and Sasuke got out of bed the next morning, both having slept restless due to their worries. Naruto had worried about all the new problems his best friend could face if Kyuubi tried to attack Sasuke to draw Naruto out, and Sasuke had worried about Naruto having once again to deal with Kyuubi. Sasuke had also wondered whether or not Naruto would say anything more about the little incident about them both sporting hard-ons, but Naruto seemed oblivious to what had happened. In fact, he seemed oblivious to everything else that morning. It was as though the shock of finding out that his parents’ killer was still alive and had now set his sights on Naruto had finally sunk in. The weight of this reality put Naruto in a strange stupor. He went through the morning routine of getting breakfast in such a daze that Sasuke had to stop Naruto from pouring the orange juice instead of milk into his cereal, and had to stop him from putting the cereal back in the fridge and the milk back in the cereal cupboard.

"You seemed to be a bit mixed up today," Sasuke said, trying to joke as he put the milk back into the fridge.

"It's just that I feel like a sitting duck here. I never really felt as though I wanted to be out of your house before, but all of a sudden, having been told that it's best for me to stay put, makes me want to leave here. I feel like I need to leave, to get out of here," Naruto said as he put his dish into the dishwasher. (Sasuke had been watching him, wondering if he was going to put it into the oven, but Naruto seemed to at least be semi-coherent of some things this morning.)

Sasuke looked at Naruto, thinking hard.

"Well," Sasuke began, looking at his hands, "do you remember the very first night you stumbled in here, and how you and I went around and played tag?" Sasuke asked. He was pleased to see a smile finally come across Naruto's face at the memory.

"Yeah," Naruto said, smiling slightly. "Were you thinking about playing tag in here?"

"Well, no, but it's a possibility if you wanted to. But, what I was going to say, was that after we had finished playing tag, I took you for a tour of the house, and you told me it looked like an old fart's home? And then I told you that I liked to paint and sculpt?" Sasuke said.

"Yeah, I remember," Naruto said, wondering where Sasuke was going with this train of thought.

"You never really seemed interested in painting or sculpting, but that was 2 years ago. I mean, you're almost sixteen now, and you see..." Sasuke said, trailing off, blushing slightly.

"I've never seen you so flustered before," Naruto said, forgetting about his own problems as he looked at Sasuke.

"When I told you that I painted and sculpted, you didn't seem particularly interested, so I didn't bring it up again, but I know what you mean about feeling locked up in the house. That's why, whenever I felt like I needed to go away somewhere, I went to my art studio," Sasuke explained.

"Art studio?" Naruto asked, confusion evident in his expression. "I don't recall ever seeing an art studio here before," Naruto said thoughtfully. Sasuke smirked obviously proud of himself.

"That's because I've never shown it to you. It's hidden," Sasuke said. Naruto's eyes went wide.

"You mean there are secret rooms and stuff in here?" Naruto asked excitedly, all thoughts of his problems now banished from his mind. "Teme! Why didn't you ever tell me before?" Naruto asked. Sasuke merely shrugged.

"You never asked," Sasuke said mysteriously as he beckoned Naruto to follow him as he walked out of the kitchen and up the steps, Naruto quickly following him. Naruto followed silently, wondering where the entrance was. Sasuke led Naruto up to the third floor towards one of the hallway closets. Opening the door wide enough so that Naruto could see what he was doing, Sasuke tugged on the chain of the light. Naruto peered inside noting that there were only a few things there. He saw several boxes pushed in the back of the closet, flushed against the wall.

Sasuke leaned down and began to drag a particularly heavy looking box away from the back wall. He chanced a glance back at Naruto, who seemed totally enrapt with what Sasuke was doing. Sasuke pulled another box away from the wall, and then placed his hand on the right side of the back wall and pushed.

Naruto let out a sound of excitement as he saw the back "wall" was really a door that hinged in the middle. It was hard to push because it scraped the carpet of the closet, and the boxes also made it practically impossible to open due to how it was set up unless you moved them away from the “wall” first. Sasuke seemed to notice that Naruto was looking at the boxes, and Sasuke explained that it was a good way from getting people to open the door - from both outside and inside.

"Itachi went down here once, and I didn't realize it. He used to use this room a lot before I knew that it even existed, and I saw the door ajar one afternoon, with all the boxes messed up. I pushed them back against the wall. He was so mad that night because it had taken my Dad two hours to find him after we heard thumping on the wall," Sasuke said as he showed Naruto what lay on the other side of the doorway. A spiraling staircase led downward. They went down the steps, and Naruto realized that they were going even further down than the first floor. When the stairs finally leveled out, Sasuke led Naruto forward through a small archway that opened into a brightly lit room.

Sasuke couldn't help but smile as he heard Naruto gasp behind him.

"This is- this is-" Naruto said.

"Amazing?" Sasuke said, watching amusedly as Naruto nodded his head.


- - - - - - - - - - - -


"Will you get to the point?" Naruto asked impatiently.

"Excuse me?" Sasuke retorted, slightly miffed that he was being interrupted.

"What exactly does you taking me down into your secret studio have anything to do with the answers that you're supposedly supposed to be giving me?" Naruto asked frustrated. "What does it have to do with you liking me - being in love with me, being obsessed over me, to you changing your mind and deciding that I was nothing more than a replace-" Naruto stopped mid-rant, the word dying on his lips. He clenched his fists in anger.

Sasuke looked at Naruto, as the blonde before him tried to collect his thoughts. For one wild moment, Sasuke had the insane idea that Naruto was going to say "replacement," as though Naruto was under the impression that when they had had sex, Sasuke had used Naruto as a sort of replacement for someone else, and that the real reason that Naruto was angry was because he thought that Sasuke had had sex with him while thinking of someone else. Was this what Naruto was asking him? Did Naruto think that Sasuke had used him as a replacement?

The notion was gone in a mere second, the surge of hope that had welled inside him crushed. No, of course that wasn't what Naruto was talking about. No matter how many times Sasuke tried to justify his actions, no matter how much he wanted Naruto to say that he had wanted it, Sasuke couldn't deny the fact that he had raped Naruto. Sasuke closed his eyes, trying to rid himself of the memories that had sprung in his mind unwanted, remembering the way that Naruto had screamed repeatedly for him to stop...begging him not to...

"I'll make the explanation short then. The reason that I mentioned that room was to say how well I knew you. Probably even how well I still know you. You were so distraught and upset about Kyuubi, and I could distract you at one point and time. I knew how to make you happy. The reason I mentioned it was because,” Sasuke paused, “I guess I want you to remember all the happy times we had together. Maybe I’m trying to convince you that we can still be friends," Sasuke said sadly. Naruto narrowed his eyes, looking at Sasuke.

"Friends? I don’t know what you think of me, but friends don’t do to each other what you did to me,” Naruto said angrily. Then Naruto changed the topic back to the room. “I don’t think you realized how confused I was after you showed me that room, but I had begun to guess that something was up when you asked to do a nude portrait of me. Maybe that should have been a warning sign," Naruto mumbled.

- - - - - - - - - - - -


"It's like a different world down here! You have a mini garden inside your art studio and everything," Naruto noticed happily.

"Yeah, It's good to have for paintings. Gives me a different setting than outside, and it gives me more leisure time to get just the right light that I want. I can go outside for more impromptu settings, but here, I can control the conditions."

"How do you keep everything alive? I never noticed you coming down here before, and I practically live here," Naruto asked curiously.

"Most of the plants here are easy to maintain. I have an irrigated water system set up that goes off to water twice a day, and the florescent lights are set to the same cycle of brightness as the sun, but I can change that if I want to get a certain lighting for a painting. You see, I don't normally come here to paint as often as I used to, and I hardly ever sculpt any more. It was just sort of something to do to fill time when I was done with work. Not to brag or anything,” Naruto’s snort of disbelief made Sasuke pause as he gave Naruto a self-flattering smirk, “but I'm pretty intelligent, so I am able to get most of my work down while actually at work, unlike most of my co-workers who have to drag everything home," Sasuke frowned in thought, remembering how different and dull his life had been without Naruto in it. Sasuke smiled softly as he turned to look at Naruto who had noticed his friend’s lapse into the past.

"You were really lonely before I got here, weren't you?" Naruto asked. Sasuke nodded.

"Like I said, I rarely ever have to take my work home with me. Before you were around, I'd get restless just sitting and reading so I needed other things to do. I mean, now, I have so much more going on. I hardly ever have time to do my lawn like I used to-"

"Hey, I help!" Naruto interrupted indignantly. There had been quite a few occasions where Sasuke had gotten Naruto to help him with his yard work to maintain the flowers.

"Yeah, well, don't you remember what my lawn used to look like before you threw that ball over my hedge? It was immaculate. Now, well, I have other activities. Jujutsu, judo-"

"watching porn-"

"-baby-sitting you-"

"Hey!"

"-so I don't paint as much. Still, sometimes, in the middle of the night, I wake up and I can't sleep, and I need something more calming to do," Sasuke murmured, and Naruto's retort back at Sasuke for saying he had to baby-sit him died on his lips. This was one of those things that neither Sasuke nor Naruto ever talked about but they both knew the other suffered from. It was only natural that the other boy would be haunted from nightmares of his past. A place like this, a calming place, would be the perfect setting to help get rid of those dreams.

"That's why you brought me down here," Naruto said in understanding. "This place helped you forget about Itachi, and now you want to help me forget about Kyuubi." Sasuke nodded.

There was a moment where the two shared such a deep understanding of the other, each looking at the other as though they couldn't possibly imagine how they ever survived without the other. Sasuke's breath hitched as he looked at Naruto, looked into those blue eyes, and wondered if the love he saw there, the care and depth that poured from Naruto could possibly be more that gratuity. It was then that Sasuke realized just how physically close to each other they were. When had Naruto moved so close to him? Why was his heart beating so fast? Sasuke closed his eyes and leaned forward-

"Oi! Sasuke-teme! You look like you're about to fall asleep standing up. You feeling alright?" Naruto wondered as Sasuke quickly moved his head back away from Naruto.

"Fine," Sasuke said, trying not to growl. Of course Naruto wasn't thinking those same things about him. He still hadn't found a way to test the theory of whether or not Naruto was into guys. Sasuke sighed, and decided to continue talking about his garden and art studio in order to try and get his mind off of the fact that he was trying to hit on his friend while he was in a distressing situation. "The most difficult part about taking care of this place, is getting the bees and other insects to pollinate down here so that the flowers will bloom when..." Sasuke trailed off as he noticed he had lost Naruto's attention. Naruto had spread out in the grass and laid down during Sasuke's loss of concentration.

"The grass feels so soft," Naruto sighed happily.

Sasuke looked down at Naruto, his friend spread out so carelessly. Sasuke grinned, glad that he had at least succeeded in easing his friend's worries. That had been the whole purpose. Seeing Naruto happy, after all, made him happy. Naruto hummed something to himself, his eyes half closed in blissful peace. Slowly he opened his eyes, looking at the ceiling. He squinted at the ceiling as though the colors on it were lights that were blaring down at him. Then again, the bright colors from the ceiling did seem to contrast greatly with the color and style of the architecture of the old mansion's hidden room. Naruto's eyes widened as he recognized the bright colors were actually a painting, and that he was looking at Sasuke's and his own face staring back down at him. He glanced over at Sasuke who had looked up at the ceiling to see what Naruto had been looking at.

"I had forgotten about that," Sasuke said nonchalantly. Naruto gaped at him, wondering how he had forgotten about doing something like that. Naruto had never seen Sasuke's artwork, but he was amazed at how talented his friend was. The scene looked so realistic. Naruto felt entrapped in the scene as he looked at it, wondering how Sasuke had managed to do that to the high ceiling.

Sasuke had a feeling that Naruto was wondering about the painting on the ceiling, so he decided to explain the ceiling's history. "I've painted that ceiling about ten or so different times in my life. I take pictures of them before I repaint them of course, but I haven't been able to paint anything I really felt should be there. This one is one of the closest to date, but it still seems off," Sasuke explained as Naruto looked at the scene. He and Sasuke were both in the middle of some fantastic fight seen. The two of them were pressed back to back, their hands out in a defensive position as enemies surrounded them.

"It looks so real..." Naruto said in awe. Sasuke just smirked, pleased with himself at the praise.

"I thought it fitting to have us as ninjas because of all the jujutsu and judo we do. For a while I was actually contemplating doing a scene where we were samurai, but it just didn't feel right."

"It really is amazing," Naruto praised Sasuke again, wondering how he had managed to miss seeing the ceiling when he had first come into the room.

"What I've always wanted to do," Sasuke began slowly, a slight blush rising to his cheeks, his eyes purposefully adverted from Naruto, "was to do a scene akin to Michelangelo’s painting off the ceiling in the Sistine Chapel. Originally, he had naked cherubs and people across the ceiling, but they later had to be censored. It was a church after all. Don't know why he thought he could get away with having naked people in it, but never mind that. The point is, I've always wanted to do something like that. Obviously not an exact recreation because that wouldn't be my own work but something close. Still, I would need to practice drawing nude people first..."

"I'm sure you could get one of those fangirls from high-school you've told me about pose nude for you. I'm sure that they would," Naruto snickered. Sasuke shuddered.

"Which is exactly part of the problem. I don't like the idea of asking random people to undress so I can draw them."

"Why don't you just get a picture of someone or download a picture from the internet?" Naruto asked. Sasuke sighed.

"I have, but I can't get the lighting or mood that I want because I'm not controlling the environment for the setting I have planned out in my mind. Still, that's not even the main problem." Sasuke was blushing rather profusely now, and Naruto was amused at his friend. "In college, it was required to take some sort of art class. So, I took a class where they have nude models come in. The thing is, I have tons of sketches of women naked-" Sasuke walked over towards a wall on the far side. Naruto looked closer realized that there was a door on the other side that seemed to blend into the wall. Sasuke opened it and pulled out a sketchbook along with some paintings that were unframed. Naruto saw that Sasuke did indeed have many sketches and a few paintings of naked women, all of them well done and very realistic looking.

Sasuke looked over at Naruto, and saw that Naruto was shifting himself slightly, and Sasuke wondered if he was getting a hard on from seeing the naked women. He sighed. It wasn't like he didn't know that his friend liked women. He had seen him masturbate to how many countless porn movies?

"These are what I did before, and I have a sketchbook of drawings from the class, so I think I can recreate the women easily since I have so many different notes on different lightings. It's men I've been having a hard time drawing," Sasuke said, blushing, as he pulled out another painting that was unframed and rolled up, but he did not unroll it to show Naruto what was on the other side. He also pulled out another sketchbook, and he showed Naruto his attempts at male drawings. Sasuke gauged Naruto's reaction, and Sasuke was slightly glad to see that Naruto did not seem repulsed to see sketches of naked men.

"Hey, that's Kanan Umino!" Naruto said, and Sasuke was glad that Naruto had been able to recognize the actor who he had been trying to draw. "He was in the very first porn movie we watched together," Naruto said off-handedly. Sasuke wasn't sure whether or not he should feel flattered that Naruto actually remembered the very first porn movie that they had watched together. It actually had been the only reason that he had picked this particular male to try and sketch, but finding the kind of pictures that would be best to use to make sketches of had been hard. The internet hadn’t given him the types of poses that he had wanted.

"It does look, off," Naruto said, frowning, as he studied the sketches that Sasuke had done.

"Well, it's kind of hard to draw him when there's about three females hanging off of him in every picture I find of him on the internet," Sasuke grumbled.

"Hmm, I can see why you've been having problems," Naruto said, putting his finger to his mouth.

"S-so," Sasuke stuttered, and Naruto looked at Sasuke again, and Sasuke had a feeling that Naruto was enjoying how uncomfortable Sasuke was talking about this, though Naruto probably thought that Sasuke was just shy instead of because of what he was about to reveal. "I've been sketching and painting myself nude," Sasuke said as he walked just a little further away from the door to what looked like a normal wall, but when he pressed a certain rock in the stone, the wall panel slid out of the way to show an enormous mirror.

"This room is so cool!" Naruto exclaimed upon seeing the mirror.

"Hn. I’ve been using this mirror to sketch myself," Sasuke added noncommittally as he clutched at the rolled up painting still in his hand.

"Wait a second," Naruto said, realization dawning on his face, as he pointed to the mirror and then to the picture, "is that your drawing of yourself?" Naruto asked. Sasuke nodded.

"Yeah," Sasuke said, as he unrolled the large painting to show Naruto his artwork, Sasuke hungrily gauging Naruto's reaction, desperately hoping for some sort of sign that Naruto might be interested.

"Wow..." Naruto said, looking at the painting. It was a life size painting of Sasuke lying down with the backdrop of the garden behind him. "It looks just like you!" Naruto exclaimed, once again looking at Sasuke with amazement. It wasn't exactly the reaction that Sasuke had been hoping for, but at least Naruto was impressed by his artwork.

"Would you mind if I drew you?" Sasuke asked, trying to fight the blush that was once again returning to his face.

"Wh-what? Like – without clothes?" Naruto asked, blushing himself.

"Just in your birthday suit," Sasuke said, confidence returning to him once again.

"My birthday suit? I don't have a birthday suit," Naruto said confused. Sasuke sighed, putting his face into the hand that wasn’t holding the painting.

"It's just an expression. It means being naked because you were naked on your day of your birth, hence your birthday suit."

"That's doesn't make sense. Suits are clothes," Naruto said, still looking confused.

"You don't make sense Naruto. How can you not understand about what a birthday suit is?" Sasuke asked incredulously. The two of them bickered back and forth, any awkward tension that had been hanging in the air vanishing completely, with the end result that Naruto lay stretched naked on the grass, and Sasuke sat a little ways away, trying hard not to jump with joy at the bonus of being able to work on his goal to how he wanted the ceiling, and of course be able to have an excuse to stare at Naruto naked.

"It was a good choice, you know," Naruto said, and Sasuke looked up from his sketch of Naruto, his mind off in La La Land, remembering the scene in Titanic where Jack sketches Rose, and the later scene where the two of them end up having sex, wondering if he could convince Naruto that that would be a good idea for them to do the same thing once Sasuke was done with the sketch.

"What was a good choice?" Sasuke asked, his pencil halting in mid air, coming back to reality.

"Choosing me as a model. I am quite good to look at," Naruto said smugly. Sasuke smirked.

- - - - - - - - - - - --

"If I recall correctly, you didn't mind posing nude for me," Sasuke said, smirking.

"Yeah, well, I had been hoping you'd be interested in me, not someone else," Naruto said looking away.

Sasuke felt his jaw drop, and then had to literally push it back open.

"Wh-what did you say?" Sasuke said, standing up quickly, grabbing the front of Naruto's shirt, and pulling him closer to him his eyes darting back and forth looking at Naruto’s eyes, wondering if he had heard right. Sasuke's heart was beating fast, and his mouth had gone dry.

"I said, I had been hoping you'd be interested in me, not someone else," Naruto repeated slowly, as he gripped Sasuke's hand and used a jujutsu move to make Sasuke release him by pressing on one of Sasuke's pressure points, much like Sasuke had done himself when Naruto had first barged into the room and forcibly lifted him out of his desk chair.

"But, I thought, I mean..." Sasuke said, trailing off.

"I told you, you should have just asked me, instead of...what you did..." Naruto said, trailing off as he looked past Sasuke's shoulder, his eyes not really focusing on anything. Sasuke's entire body was shaking so badly that he had to hold onto the desk as he slid down it, his legs no longer willing to support him at this shocking revelation.

"No, no..." Sasuke said, shaking his head, realizing how much he had fucked up. "I thought – no – my God, I thought, but, no!" Sasuke yelled. He couldn't believe this. After all these years, he had had the opportunity to try and woe Naruto, he could have been happy, and he had messed up so badly.

"I realized I was bi ages ago. And I began slowly falling for you. It wasn't until that time that I was in the room, the time that I saw your portrait that I realized what I felt. I knew that your self-portrait must have been recent, so I knew that you hadn't been getting much sleep for a while. I never knew how much you still suffered, yet there you were, when I was suffering, doing everything you could to take away the pain. That was when I knew that I really cared for you. I mean, at first it was just, you know, a sort of attraction and crush, but it made me wonder if I could maybe fall in love with you. You were my best friend and I felt it only natural. You have always been good looking, but I didn't really think of ever acting on it because I'd never desired anything physical, and I probably would have gone on thinking that if not for the following night..."


- - - - - - - - - - - -

Naruto and Sasuke had spent all of the previous day, and all of following day in the secret art studio where Sasuke had been sketching Naruto. However, it was getting later, and the two of them had decided to spar. Naruto felt even more frustrated than normal since he hadn't exerted much of his energy all day. All he had done the entire day was lie out so Sasuke could draw him.

Sasuke had suggested that Naruto pop in a porn movie, since that was what supposedly helped him relieve frustration. Sasuke, on the other hand, had already taken a nice cold shower before their spar, claiming that he had needed to wash the paint off of himself, where in reality, he had jerked off to the image of Naruto's naked body. Of course, Naruto didn't know that.

Instead of watching the movie, Sasuke decided he would just work on a sudoku puzzle. He wasn't even paying attention as the horrible porn movie was going on, and Naruto felt a little odd jerking off just by himself as they sat there on Sasuke’s bed, sitting in front of the large screen TV.

Sighing, Naruto saw that Sasuke was completely uninterested in the movie, and therefore not jerking off as well. Naruto felt extremely frustrated, not being able to get off watching the movie. It was then that he realized that he probably hadn’t gotten off on watching these stupid things any more, and that it must have been watching Sasuke jerk off that made him come. Now, Naruto felt slightly foolish at this realization, especially since he thought that Sasuke seemed utterly disinterested in both the movie and him. Naruto almost stifled a growl as he realized he probably wouldn't be able to come tonight. Closing his eyes, Naruto tried to picture Sasuke jerking-off to help him come.

Just as he decided it was a lost cause, Naruto gasped as he felt Sasuke wrap his hand around his shaft, pushing Naruto's hand away. Naruto's eyes snapped open, making sure he was really feeling what he thought he was feeling. Yes, Sasuke was looking at him, as Sasuke’s hand was working lovely magic on Naruto’s now extremely hard cock. Sasuke slid himself next to Naruto, Naruto's eyes wide as he focused his eyes back on the porn movie before him, Sasuke jerking him off. He wanted this feeling, this moment to last, and he knew if he watched what Sasuke was doing to him, he'd come almost immediately. Still, the feeling of Sasuke's hand on his heated flesh, and the fact that this was real and new made it hard for Naruto not to come fast despite how difficult it had been to even get hard before. Naruto was frozen as Sasuke's hand pumped faster, and Naruto came, his body spasming as he leaned against Sasuke, his entire body on fire.

"You looked like you were having trouble getting-off," Sasuke said in way of explanation before unwrapping his hand from Naruto's now soft cock, easily sliding back to his original position on the other side of the bed, looking completely unconcerned with what he had just done, focusing his attentions back on the sudoku puzzle he was had been doing.

"Thanks," Naruto muttered, but in reality, he felt anything but grateful towards Sasuke. Sasuke had stirred in him new emotions that he didn't want to think about. Had Sasuke just done that to "help" Naruto, or had he enjoyed it too? It was only the day before that the thought that he might be falling for his older friend had occurred to him, and all of a sudden, for Sasuke to do that - why? Did Sasuke want him? Did Sasuke love him? Naruto laid back on Sasuke's bed, picking up the towel that they always had stashed for such occasions and wiped himself off before zipping his pants back up.

- - - - - - - - - - - -


"You used to get off on watching me?" Sasuke asked incredulous. Naruto nodded.

"I told you, I thought you were attractive, and, well, I wasn’t even sure at that point! But, it kind of made sense that you not jerking off was the reason why I couldn’t get off then. You were a live person versus the porn movies, but like I told you, I didn't know what to think." Naruto's face darkened. "And then you took your own insecurities and frustrations out on me just a few days later. You weren't even sure what you were doing, you selfish prick. You didn't even bother to ask me. And on that day! That day!"

"Naruto I-"

"Just – just finish it, okay? Just finish explaining this, please," Naruto said, a resigned note in his voice. Sasuke nodded, but he hesitated, looking away.

"Will you first tell me about what happened? You never got around to telling me about what happened with Kyuubi, and what he," Sasuke swallowed, "what he said and did to you on that day." It was Naruto's turn to look away.

"I did promise you I would eventually, didn't I? Well, here goes..."

If anything was confusing, leave me a review and I’ll try and explain it to you. FYI, if you want me to answer questions, don’t forget I need an e-mail address. Let me know what you thought. ~ Jelp