Icha Icha Paradise

~~~~Icha Icha Paradise ~ Chapter 4 ~~~~

This was a big mistake. A huge mistake. He couldn’t believe he had agreed to this. This had to be the biggest mistake that he had made in years. It was horrible. Awful... Really bad.

Naruto could understand why he might have to have a guard or two outside the doors or maybe even inside the doors. But what he couldn't understand was why in the world the ENTIRE guard had to be in the bath with him at the same time. Even Anko was there. Why him?

His current situation was bad. He was stuck between the wall of the bath and Radou, trying to keep himself safe and pure. Radou was an amazing shield, able to keep Genma at bay for quite a while. Actually, Genma wouldn’t go anywhere near Radou. It could be quite amusing at times.

"Genma. Sit your ass down right now. And NOT beside Nartuo's seat. You sit your ass between Kotatsu and Hayate." Genma obeyed with a sour look on his face and a quick hopeful glance at Naruto, who in turn stuck his tongue out. Naruto sat down between Izumo and Radou, glad that he didn’t have to sit next to the creepy perv but laughing at the same time as Hayate seemed to 'spontaneously' crack Genma across the face.

Leaning back, he jumped up right away after feeling something odd behind him. Turning, he sighed as he saw Anko sitting behind him, but moved away quickly as he realized that they were all clothless. She laughed at him and pushed over and he took up seat now between Anko and Radou. And yet, he still couldn’t figure out why he had agreed to this.

Leaning his head back, he closed his eyes letting his head rest on the side of the tub. Though he had never seen such a big tub. It could probably fit about 12 people in total, and they kept telling him that was the small bath. He didn’t think he wanted to see the big bath. He could already swim in this one.

He sat up looking around for soap and stuff, not able to find any. Turning to Radou, he cocked an eyebrow. "Where's the soap?"

Radou laughed. "Boy kid, you really aren’t used to things like this. Just sit back and relax for now alright?" Naruto nodded slowly not really sure what the man meant, but he listened and sat back down. About fifteen minutes later, he had his head leaned back again and he had his eyes closed, just happy to be relaxing. Then, feeling something on his head, he opened his eyes and screamed at a set of eyes looking back at him.

Jumping up he turned to see a woman with soapy hands and a bucket of water beside her. He pointed, standing there with everybody else laughing. "What is she doing in here?"

Kotatsu sighed and stood forcing Naruto to sit down again. "She's a washing maid. Her job is to wash your hair baka." He chuckled at the glare that he got from the blond.

"Ya, fine for you to say, but I'm not used to this kind of thing. One of the most fancy baths I've ever been in is a barrel bath. And hell, you'd be lucky to get two people in there." He sat back down, though still not liking the idea of someone else washing his hair.

He kicked out again as he felt something touch his leg and his foot connected with something hard. He looked up to see Genma grinning at him from under the water, and kicked again.

This was one of the worst mistakes ever.

~~~~

Neji sighed as he watched the staring contest of the century. This was… well for lack of better words, irritating. A half an hour now. Sasuke and Gaara had been glaring at each other for half an hour. It had all started right after they had sent someone to prepare a bath for the Tenshi.

They had wondered what their excuse to keep the boy here would be. Gaara had said servant. Simple trivial cleaning chores and stuff like that. Sasuke had said something that had made all their jaws drop. The word concubine had a whole new meaning now.

Ya. The kid was good looking and all. And hell, he had one heck of an odd color scheme, though hot. But to simply take someone and tell them they’re a concubine? That was in his own opinion cruel. But Sasuke had stood by what he had said. His reasoning, though not really all that bad, was a little warped too.

“I’m telling you. If we take him like that, then the bloody advisors will get off our backs. They’ve been trying to put a group of women together for us for years. The only thing that’s stopping them is we keep turning them down at the door! And hell, the women keep trying to sneak back in here! How many times have you woken up because you had to kick some broad out of your chamber? If we take him as a concubine, they’ll stop.” Sasuke sat at the table, feet up and some documents in hand, signing away, only half paying attention to everything else.

Gaara shook his head. “You miss the point Uchiha. Aren’t you supposed to be a genius? What do you think HE’LL do if we tell him that? Don’t you think it would be a little unreasonable for us to assume that he is just going to sit there and take it? He’d probably try to leave the castle.” Gaara was leaning against the door, arms crossed and his cold icy glare reaching all around the room even though it was only directed to one person in specific.

Sasuke shrugged. “So we leave the guard with him for a while. Just because he’s a concubine doesn’t mean we have to touch him. He can still do chores too. Why not kill two birds with one stone? Besides, we know many people who have concubines and the girls… or guys are never touched. They’re there for looks. And he sure has the looks. Just put him in some fancy cloths, parade him around a little and he can live here in luxury the rest of his life.”

Deciding it was enough, Kiba stepped in. “Alright. That’s enough. Sasuke has a point, but I think that maybe it should be explained a little differently. After all, concubines are not really un-known to the world. The only country that doesn’t practice the tradition is the human territory. And its not like we’re going to be cruel to him like the Tenshi or the vampires would be…” He looked to Gaara with a grin. “And besides, if he’s a concubine, then it wouldn’t be so strange that he takes up one of our bed if we managed to… woo him.” Though friendly and fair… Sometimes, youkai could be so shallow.

Silence fell over the room for a few minutes before Gaara sighed. “Fine then.”

~~~~

Yamanaka Ino glared as she moved down the dingy, cold and damp halls of the fortress. She would like to call it a castle, but it didn’t have the warm, respect demanding presence that a castle normally had. It was cold, dark and wet, and often times one could hear the drip drip of some water that managed to leak in from the creaks and crevices that could be found throughout the place.

She sent a harsh glare to anybody who bothered to get in her way, not that there were many. But now, she had had it. She hated this place and all who lived here and she wanted out now. The land she lived on the richest in the country and it couldn’t even sprout moss. It was disgusting and putrid. No animals bothered to live here, dying too soon after they inhabited the place. There were no pets that could survive the harsh lands and there were no outsiders who could visit for long lest they dye of the poison in the miasma. It was disgusting.

Throwing the door before her open, the crack of the collision with the wall echoed in the room and down the hall she had just come from. Looking into the room, she glared once she found her target. “You’re supposed to be in a conference right now my lord.”

The man didn’t even move, but the silver haired boy beside him glared her way for a moment before turning back to the black haired person. Pulling the mans long hair out of the shirt he had just put on, he stepped back as if to admire him. Though Ino couldn’t tell why. She simply knew that for whatever reason, the kid enjoyed being a servant to the man.

Turning around, the man grinned snakishly and stepped forward. “My dear. How nice of you to remind me.” Though he didn’t say anything else, it was obvious he was going to make them wait longer. He always did. “But why bother even going? This is only to make them think they have some sort of say. Or at least make them believe their input matters. But either way, it’ll all be over soon.” He stepped away from the mirror, stepping up to the blond. “Those disgusting humans wont know what hit them.”

Ino rolled her eyes, turning around and stepping out the door. “I’ll inform them that you’ll be late.” She closed the door loudly and turned to walk off down the hall, fuming and finally making her mind up.

God she hated this place.

~~~~

“Our imports are low, and even the rich are struggling. We need to find a way into human territory as soon as we can. Else our country will fall in ruins worse than the western lands.” Of course, everybody knew that. Even those who were secure in food and water knew that. But the fact of the mater was that with the youkai problem, things were a lot different.

A sigh was herd from the shadow in which one man sat, his face and upper body hidden by the darkness. “We’re well aware of that Deidara.” He sat back in thought for a while as all went quiet.

“There is word from the south. Something that I think will interest you.” The cold voice spoke for the first time in the three hour meeting. All eyes turned to him and even the leader sat up slightly. Knowing he had everybody’s attention, he continued. “The half breed has been found. Happened not long ago. I just received word from a spy who happened to be in the same city when it happened.”

All was silent. It couldn’t be. The boy was said to have been killed. The unholy matrimony banned from their own country. His parents had been killed by the speaker himself and his partner and now, from what they were being told, the boy was still alive.

“He must be killed.” The low slightly scratchy voice spoke from beside Deidara, and the man stood up, still hunched over, his face covered with a cloth. “That child is too powerful. His father and mother should never have been united, and now, knowing the laws of that country, THEY have possession of him. They probably don’t even know anything about the power he holds. He could destroy us all.”

All went silent as a hand came to silence them from the man at the head of the table. A few moments it stretched. “What you say is true, Sasori. However…” he dropped off there, making them wait while he thought. “Itachi, Kisame.” The two heads looked up, one of them the voice who had delivered the news in the first place. “I want him. Alive.”

~~~~

“GET IT AWAY! Getitawaygetitawaygetitaway!” The maids nearly dropped their stacks of laundry as something whizzed by them at high speed. It was tan, blond and white. In other words, Naruto in only a towel.

There was some sort of evil laughter that followed him, not far behind and catching up fast, and behind that, several blurs that were catching up with the second thing. The towels in the poor maids hands nearly falling to the floor more than once in less than 10 seconds.

“SHIT! A DEAD END!” Naruto turned, hold his towel at his waist as if clinging to it for dear life as he spun to face the offender. Genma stood there, senbon hanging out of his mouth and a grin on his lips.

“Aww, come on Naruto. Its not all that bad. And once I finish, you’ll be begging for more.” He took another step forward, then had to spin to one side to avoid a flying kunai. Spinning, he grinned facing the other 5 in the guard. They all stood there, ready to move the second someone else moved.

The pin dropped as Genma spun and went for Naruto again, the blond just barley dodging and scooting through his legs, taking off towards the others. Genma was hot on his tail, dodging anybody who dared get in his way as Naruto hid himself behind Izumo. Genma was almost there. He could get passed Izumo no problem. But then a big problem got in his way. Radou. The man had placed himself between Izumo and Genma.

Damn. And he thought he had won too.

The slight hesitation in Genma was enough to let Anko, Hayate and Kotatsu dog pile him to keep him steady. “YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME! IF IT WERENT FOR ME, NONE OF YOU WOULD HAVE A SEX LIFE!” Kotatsu snorted.

“Alright princess. You just keep still and you can keep your sex life as it is.” That shut Genma up rather quickly. He sighed and went limp, allowing the other three to pick him up and hold him there. Naruto ventured out from behind Izumo and to behind Radou, poking his head around the corner.

“Is he always like this?” Everyone simply nodded and Naruto sighed. “Well, at least life around here isn’t boring. I’m going to miss you, whatever happens to me.” He looked to his feet and everybody turned to him.

“Listen kid.” Cough cough “Normally by now, we’d be escorting you to the border or preparing the gallows for you. You were given a bath and” Cough “cloths. I don’t think they plan on doing anything horrible to you. We’ll just have to wait and see ne?” Hayate let go of Genma and stepped forward, letting a hand fall on his head. “Besides.” Cough “We’d stick up for you.”

Naruto smiled. “Thanks.”

Heavy quick footsteps were herd approaching them and they all turned to see an errand boy running up the hall. “The lords call for you all! Evacuate the town! The Kyuubi is back!”