Crazy Daze

V.

Gaara, I think , was determined not to let me out of his sight. Iruka had come to collect me and had been surprised to see the redhead standing beside me. I just shook my head and pushed my roommate ahead of us, pointedly making him walk ahead so I could to Iruka. Our first topic, of course, was the forming bruises.

“We fought,” I said. “Now we’re friends.”

“Interesting way to make friends, Naruto.” Iruka replied dryly. I watched the brunette for a moment before grinning.

“I won. With Kyuubi’s help.”

Iruka shook his head. “Of course. Look, Naruto, try not to fight okay?”

“It was just the one time, “I complained. “We won’t do it again! Right, Gaara?”

The redhead looked back at us and nodded. He just kind of stared at us for a few moments more before he turned around and worked to walk away. We followed him to the cafeteria and I went with Gaara when Iruka got called away by the blonde lady with big boobs, both of us glancing at the brunette before looking at each other. I shrugged and clapped Gaara on the shoulder.

“Food time, dude,” I said cheerily. I thinking gave a smirk.

We didn’t get far into line when we were accosted by a forceful mass-rush for food. It was like being in school all over again, expect the rushers were mostly the hired help. Really getting your money’s worth there, Tsunade-baa-chan.

“Hey,”

I looked up and saw Sasuke smiling at us. Gaara frowned but I placed my hand o his shoulder to calm him. Sasuke’s smile dampened at the gesture, but I just grinned.

“How no, brown cow? He’s just my roommate Sasuke-teme.”

“Stupid dobe.”

- How do you do that? -

Do what?

- Make people like you? -

It’s a gift.

Gaara tugged on my sleeve. I tore my gaze from Sasuke and looked at the redhead confusedly. He glanced at Sasuke, back to me, back to Sasuke and then huffed.

“Doesn’t speak much, does he?” Sasuke asked.

“Nah.” I replied. “Ah, oh, right. Gaara, this is Sasuke. Sasuke, Gaara. Roommate, friends.” I waved my hand. Sasuke gave Gaara a measuring look and got one in return before Gaara offered his hand to Sasuke. The brunette took it, gave it a little shake and released it. Gaara went back to holding onto my sleeve. Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

“Eh, ignore it.” I told him. “There’s this whole weird dominate-submissive thing with him.”

The Uchiha stared a me. “You two…?”

“No! No, no, no. I just kicked his as, we fought. That was it.”

Sasuke smiled. “I see. There aren’t many who can do that and live.”

“He’s like a cuddly raccoon once you get past the rabies.”

I – think – Sasuke giggled. Or it was a choke. I wasn’t sure.

“What are you doing here?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes at me. “Getting food, dolt.”

I stuck out my tongue. I was aware Gaara was watching us, but I didn’t give a damn. Sasuke replied in kind and the three of us fell in line. It was almost peaceful, Sasuke and I joking around with each other, Gaara being his normal, quiet self, chiming in with one or two words of monosyllabic sounds. It was hard to imagine, looking at us, that we all had psychological malfunctions. We chose a table, pointedly aware we were being anti-social and sat down to enjoy our meal.

Then HE walked in. And I say HE in caps because he looked like a chick. Long dark hair, a forehead hidden by a bandage, Moonlight coloured, pupil-less eyes that glared at everyone and no one, and sultry, pouty lips that begged for ravishing.

- And you wanna do just that huh? -

Hell, no. I want Uchiha.

Kyuubi rolled his eyes. I ignored him and continued to stare, becoming aware of Gaara tensing beside me and looking like he was considering crawling into my lap and cowering. Or beating the shit out of this prince. I was betting on the latter, and so I shifted my chair out of the way. The animosity was building and I could only stare at Sasuke helplessly.

Dear God, I’d walked into a war.

Gaara was starting to grin. I knew that grin. It was predatory and heady with lust. I considered chair hopping, but any good, God-fearing prey item had enough sense to sit still and let the big boys play. Turns out I should’ve played musical chairs because the Not-a-Chick, strode over to us and stared at me with as much authority as an old-school Tokugawa era noble.

“Who the fuck,” he began smoothly, “are you?’

“I believe I’m Uzumaki Naruto.” I looked toward Sasuke. “Don’t remember ‘fuck’ being in my name. You?"

Sasuke eased his chin on his fist and gave a smirk. “Nope.”

Those moonlight eyes narrowed. Didn’t like being the one without power? Poor baby. Gaara surged up out of his chair, smiling his creepy little smile.

“Far from home, Neji?”

Something in those haughty eyes changed upon seeing the redhead. “Out of your cage, sand rat?”

“I got hungry. Wanted some fresh meat. Normally, I don’t eat pricks, but for you, I’ll make an exception.”

Did Gaara just make a sexual innuendo and direct it at mister Holier than Thou? I think so.

- This place isn’t a mental hospital. It’s a dating service for psychos. -

Or just full of unresolved sexual tension. It’s everywhere.

- It’s sickening. -

Amusing.

- That too. -

Gaara was still grinning, Neji still glaring. They’d probably be at it for hours. I looked toward Sasuke and wondered if I’d die for retreating.

- Probably. -

Shit.

Neji finally gave a scornful laugh and looked about to say something nasty to Gaara when all our eyes turned to face several doctors, Iruka among them, watching us back. Neji apparently decided there would be a better opportunity, so he backed off with a look that promised future pain. Then he wandered away and life resumed and Iruka joined the three of us. Gaara had gone back to eating as if nothing had even happened.

“Iruka-sensei,” I said cheerily in greeting.

“Naruto-kun. Are you okay?”

“We’re fine.” Sasuke replied. He flicked a glance at Gaara and smiled. “The rabid raccoon protected us.”

Gaara made a hacking sound that I think was supposed to be a snarl and didn’t bother to refute Sasuke’s comment. Iruka kind of stared at Gaara for a moment before smiling and shaking his head.

“Lights out is around eight, okay?”

“Why so late?” Sasuke asked. Iruka frowned.

“Because we have guess, apparently,” Iruka replied. “I have some paperwork I have to get done. You’ll be okay?”

I grinned. “I have my rabid raccoon to protect me.”

Gaara made that snarly sound again and Iruka laughed, patting my head. He promised me that we’d do something tomorrow and rose from the seat, leaving us three alone. We watched as Iruka didn’t quite flee, and when Kakashi disappeared as well, Sasuke and I exchanged looks. I certainly hadn’t come to a nut house.

- We’ve walked into a fucking soap opera. -

No kidding.

“Naruto?” Sasuke called, “What’s Kyuubi saying?”

“Well, he said this is just an excuse for a soap opera where the characters just act better.”

Gaara snorted. “Shukaku says the same thing. Maybe they should just be locked in a closet together, so they can fuck and be happy.”

I gazed at Gaara blinking, before giving a grin. “Why not?”

“What?”

I flicked my eyes over to Sasuke, grinning as the plan unfolded in my head. “We’ll set Iruka and Kakashi up. We’ve got nothing better to do.”

- While we’re at it, we might as well bully Neji into getting it on with Gaara. –

You’re evil.

- Ask Sasuke. He’ll help. -

Gaara was staring at us, and gave his creepy little grin as if he knew what Kyuubi had said. “But how,” he whispered, “will we do so between our sessions?”

“We’ll think of something.” I replied. Sasuke laughed quietly.

“If we get caught, we’re so screwed.”

“Don’t be a pussy,” Gaara said, earning a glare from the brunette. “We have time.”

I wondered what People thought, when they looked over at us and saw us leaning close to each other, plotting. Kyuubi snorted and stated simply, - Soap opera. –