Bitch Nights

A/N: Whew! I'm sorry it takes so long to get these chapters up. I'm currently sharing my new computer with my sister, and let's just say that we're both somewhat of the obsessive gamer type. The kind that will sit at the computer for ten hours at a time. But worry not! When it's her turn, I have a series of spiral notebooks that are steadily filling with Bitch Nights knowledge. I even made a map of the Uchiha District! I promise, I'm working hard!

In any case, I know you guys have been waiting for this, so without further ado:

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Bitch Nights, Chapter Five
The Morning After


Sakura was dragged from sleep by the sound of knocking on the door. Being ninja, she was up and out of bed before her mind had really caught up. She hadn't been on a real mission in weeks, and was mildly hung over, so her mental processes weren't exactly up to the usual shinobi standard.

'Head hurts . . . hangover . . . ' was the first brilliant deduction of the day. She kept her eyes tightly shut against the daylight streaming into the room. She needed some thicker drapes.

'Knocking . . . door . . . must answer.' Her voice issued an approximation of 'Hold the fuck on! I'm coming!' to which she heard a female voice yell, "Well, hurry it up!"

"Ino . . . pig bitch . . . fucking morning . . .' She took a stumbling step towards her front door, then paused as she felt a serious draft.

'Naked. Need clothes.' She cracked one eye open blearily and made an effort to focus her vision through the stabbing headache, She felt something soft by her foot, and realized it was cloth. Hurriedly, she grabbed whatever came to hand and threw it on. When she sensed she was decent, she shuffled to the door and cracked it open.

"Wuzzah?" she growled in way of greeting. The blonde bombshell looked too damn alert for her temper.

"Ohmigod, Sakura! He's back, really back, the ANBU took him into the prison while they set up his trial and no one's supposed to know but I know this guy who knows a girl who's dating one of the prison guards and he told her, and can you believe that Sasuke's finally home and . . ." Ino's torrent of words came to a standstill as she finally took in Sakura's appearance.

The name 'Sasuke' jolted Sakura's mind out of the depths of mental slumber she'd been clinging to, and she was rewarded with the full and complete memory of just what she'd been doing the night before.

Inner Sakura fainted, blood streaming from her nose. Outer Sakura idly wondered if it were possible to kill one's alter ego through too many perverted thoughts.

"Holy . . ." She was suddenly aware of the shell-shocked look on Ino's face as the woman looked her up and down. Sakura followed her gaze and cringed.

She wasn't wearing a stitch of her own clothing. The nearest shirt at hand, apparently, had been Kakashi's undershirt, complete with attached mask, so there was no mistaking it for any of hers.

Moreover, she'd thrown Sai's jacket over it.

And-protector of all fashion rejects help her!-she had on Naruto's pants.

Inner Sakura came back to herself just in time to pass out again at the thought of the wardrobe disaster currently adorning her outer self.

All Sakura could think was, 'Maybe I should have just answered the door naked. . . '

"Oh. Migod. SAKURA!!!" Ino squealed. "No WAY!!!"

Damn. Damage done. As Sakura opened her mouth to usher Ino in before she screamed the whole neighborhood awake, her normally brilliant mind belatedly realized something.

If SHE was wearing their clothes, that meant THEY were still in the living room behind her. NOT wearing their clothes.

Only supreme force of will kept her from looking over her shoulder. Instead, she gritted her teeth, and said, very calmly, "Thank you, Ino, for stopping by, but I knew already. Right now isn't a good time, though. I'll see you later." Then she very calmly shut the door on the sight of her best female friend shoving a handkerchief under her nose to catch the blood from whatever perverted thoughts she was thinking.

She turned around, head still pounding, to see the futon’s remaining inhabitants blinking at her, covers pulled up so that all she could see was their eyes and up. She could detect the traces of fear in their collective gaze, obviously wondering if she was going to blow her top. And whether it was worth running through Konoha in the buff to escape, or if they should risk death to try and grab some boxers first.

The fear changed to panic as she started to laugh, instead.

And laugh.

She laughed so hard she cried, leaning up against the door until her legs gave out. She slid to the floor, giggling like mad.

“Eh-heheheh . . . S-Sakura-chan?” Naruto looked at her like he expected her to suddenly start launching kunai, though from where he thought she’d pull those, she didn’t know. Though, come to think of it, she could feel some suspicious lumps in his pants. . .

Sakura’s reply was to laugh more, though she managed to bring it down to a calmer level.

Naruto and Kakashi looked at each other, and Sakura could recognize the ‘oh, lord, are we going to have to get Tsunade in here?’ look.

Sai looked positively frightened, but it may have simply been that his skin color was back to its original shade of ghastly. “Kakashi-san, is this a normal reaction?’

“Uh . . .”

“S-sorry-” giggle “guys, it’s just” snort “Did you see the look on her FACE?!?” The memory nearly did her in again. “And you guys! Huddled under the covers like that, like a bunch of deer in the headlights! And what I’m WEARING! I might as well have just posted a sign on my forehead saying ‘Had wild, crazy foursome sex with teammates.” She managed to stop laughing, but she couldn’t help but notice the Naruto-style shit-eating grin straining her cheeks.

The three of them were sitting up, now, and the sight of three naked torsos in front of her nearly had her diving for her own hankie. Shrugging out of Sai’s jacket, she quickly removed her unsightly outfit, tossing the pieces as far away from each other as possible. “Scoot over. I want my spot back.”

Her teammates looked at the calm, smiling woman crawling into bed with them. Haruno Sakura did not take change, relationships, sexual situations, embarrassment or gossip-mongering well. She was taking this far too calmly.

Sakura realized what they were thinking before they’d even designated a spokesman. “Guys, really. I’m fine, it’s okay. I remember everything. I love the three of you, you guys love me, remember? I’m sure the three of you feel something for each other, but you can act all manly and stoic and nobody would hold it against you. In the meantime, we had amazing, fantastic, incredible sex, and I’m more than happy to be waking up with you guys.”

Naruto choked. “And you’re not gonna freak about ANY of it? But-but . . .” His gaze narrowed. “Who are you?” His hands flew into the seals for one of the major dispelling jutsu Kakashi had been beating into his head recently.

Sakura’s eye twitched and she thumped him on the top of his head. Hard.

“OWWWW!!! Sakura-chaaaaaan!”

“BAKA! So NOW you want me to be calm and not hit you?” she growled.

Kakashi, as usual, stepped in (metaphorically) as mediator. “Gomen, Sakura, but you’re known for having violent reactions to . . . uncomfortable situations.”

She snickered, moving closer to where he sat. “And what’s so damn uncomfortable about waking up with you guys? We’ve all shared beds before, in every possible combination. We just happen to all be naked this time. And I think you, Kakashi, probably kept your hands to yourself last night more than you have since I became eighteen. Besides, consider yourself lucky. If I were Ino, I’d have already run down the street joyously announcing this to the world.”

And indeed, Inner Sakura had done just that, though only her host could hear her. Currently, she was doing a naked victory dance in praise to the sex gods before her.

“And speaking of Ino, she’d have found out, anyway. Or any of the other ninjas we regularly hang out with. They’d have seen the change in team dynamics, or Kiba or Shino would have smelled us on each other, or whatever. It wasn't going to be a secret for long. Unless-" her eyes widened as another possibility occurred to her, "Unless you three are the ones that are upset." She turned to look at Naruto, who suddenly looked panicked. "Are you . . . but I thought . . ."

"Sakura-chan, no way!" he protested loudly, grabbing her hand. "You know I've loved you since before we were Genin!"

She blushed, feeling bad for doubting him. "Yes, I remember." She smiled at the blonde, remembering all the desperate bids for her attention. "I was a bitch. I'm so sorry."

Naruto scratched the back of his head, looking embarrassed. "It's fine, Sakura-chan. It's not like you've been totally ignoring me. And I think it's good to be such good friends first, don't you?"

The pinkette smiled lovingly and placed her hand on his head. "Since when did you get so smart?" she teased, sending healing chakra to the still-forming lump on his head. "Maybe I really should beat you up more often."

"I'll pass, thanks."

"What about you, Sai? Do you have any protests?" She kept her hand on Naruto, but turned to see behind her. "Kakashi, you?"

Naruto snickered. "Have you been paying attention for the last six years? Kakashi? The Icha Icha fanatic, with perversions second only to the legendary Ero-Sennin? Gee, I dunno, oh, great team leader, what do you think about the possibility of regular orgies?"

Kakashi rolled his eye, "I see the team dynamics haven't changed any, so I suppose not. You're still the same brat I met six years ago."

Naruto grinned wider, "But THIS brat has now had his hands all over your-"

"BAKA!" *smack* "Quit teasing Kakashi-sensei! You're so rude!"

"Owww . . . "

Sai took the opportunity to add his two sen, "I have no regrets, Sakura-chan. I would indeed be . . . honored? If we could continue this sort of bonding in the future." It was said in his usual bland manner, but he wasn't looking her quite in the eye, and there was the faintest blush in his cheeks. "And . . . and I enjoyed bonding with the rest of you, as well."

'Brave man. Or else unconstrained by what people consider 'traditional' relationships,' she thought, shaking her head a little. She returned his smile briefly, and looked at the silver-haired man beside her. "You're not going to get into trouble for fraternizing with your students, are you?"

Naruto looked confused, "What does a fraternity have to do with anyth-" He dodged as her fist came towards his newly healed-and re-damaged-head again, but Kakashi caught her elbow.

Once he was sure that his number one medical ninja wasn't about to inflict a concussion on his number one knucklehead, Kakashi put on a thoughtful look as he considered. "Tsunade-sama follows the Sandaime's policies to a large extent, which allows a large amount of personal freedom among Konoha's shinobi. So long as we don't allow this to affect our missions, or our team in general, there's no reason for anyone to say anything. Besides," he shrugged, "Gai and Lee have been together since before he was legal and no one's said-"

"WHAT?!?" The other three (four, if you counted Inner Sakura) shrieked. Sakura felt ill; Naruto's face matched the shade of the couple in question's spandex, and even Sai looked appalled.

Kakashi smiled at them, his eyes making the familiar happy creases, "Of course, most people refuse to discuss that particular affair, for reasons obvious. But long story short, we should be fine. Once the gossip chain hits the Hokage's ears, she might set someone to watch us for a while when we practice, but if we can keep up our usual level of teamwork and skill, there will be nothing to worry about."

Sakura felt her fears dissipate. "Well then, I'm happy. You guys are happy. So what's the problem?"

"Naruto-kun underestimated you, again."

"S-Sai! Don't say shit like that! I wasn't the only one who thought she'd go all Psycho-Sakura on us!"

As Naruto and Sai started bickering, totally ignoring the two people in the middle of them, Sakura shook her head in mild annoyance. Some things just wouldn't change, apparently. Even after a night like the one before, some things were absolute. She wasn't sure whether to laugh or start hitting people again.

Kakashi leaned in close to her ear. "Since they're fighting in bed, does that mean I get to take my shower with you?"

Sakura laughed. "Looks like you get to be the clean-up crew after all!"

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Some time later . . .

Kakashi had taken her against the shower wall, which had been great. Nay, awesome. Then she'd promptly had a serious nosebleed upon leaving the bathroom, where they'd found Sai on his knees on the living room floor in front of Naruto, giving him some rather enthusiastic head.

Apparently, Naruto had demanded some sort of compensation for all of the public remarks concerning his dick. Or lack thereof.

Once she'd recovered for the most part, she was still incredibly turned on, so she'd made up to Sai, who hadn't actually gotten to have real sex with her the night before. That had been wonderful, even if it required another shower. She was smart enough this time to shower alone, though, since she only needed to rinse. Naruto and Sai took another damn half hour in the bathroom, during which she and Kakashi snuggled on The Couch in contentment, reading Icha Icha.

She'd never felt so content.

Once everyone was clean and sated, their day properly began. Naruto supplied a half dozen clones to help pick up the trash from the night before and take it out, rinse the dishes, load the dishwasher, sweep, vacuum, and strip the futon of its linens, and wrestle the whole thing back into her bedroom. In the meantime, Team Kakashi (including the original Naruto) found their clothes, sorted out the scattered weaponry and lounged around her little kitchen area while Sakura threw together some breakfast. Ramen for Naruto, scrambled eggs and/or omelettes for everyone else.

"So what's the plan for today?" she asked, shoving a clone away from the stove where he was trying to sneak some eggs directly from the skillet. "Tsunade gave me the next few days off because of Sasuke showing up. I think I'm supposed to be holed up in my bedroom crying right now, but," she sighed dramatically, "I just can't bring myself to do it."

Kakashi and Naruto laughed.

Sai, of course, didn't. "Did Ino-chan say that Emo-sama has been incarcerated?"

Naruto nearly choked on the ramen he'd begun slurping. Kakashi had to stop in mid-sip of his tea lest he spew it all over his beloved book. Sakura managed to keep from laughing outright, but it was a hell of an effort.

Emo-sama. It was too damn precious. It actually topped Duck-Butt.

After taking a few deep breaths, Naruto was able to answer for her. "Hai. I guess the ANBU just let him take a little side trip on his was ever there." He gratefully accepted the plate of scrambled eggs Sakura slid him(in hopes to actually provide him with some additional nutrition). "Thanks, these look good! Itadekimasu!" He dug into them with all the delicacy of a three year old.

Kakashi made an annoyed sound in his throat. "That was a potentially dangerous breach of protocol, if they did. I think someone should bring it up with the Hokage." The scowl on his face made it clear who he had in mind.

The mention of ANBU reminded her of something. "Hey, Naruto!" Her childhood friend jumped. "You didn't get into ANBU without telling me, did you?"

His blue eyes widened in genuine confusion, "Huh? No!"

She turned her gaze to Sai. "Then it's you. Sasuke said there were two of you in my apartment." Her eyes automatically went to Sai's bared upper arm, but there was no tattoo to be seen.

Sai just sipped his morning coffee, looking blankly at her.

Unfortunately for him, Sakura had worked long enough with him (and played enough card games) to read the nearly imperceptible aura of 'ask me no questions, for I am the mysterious anti-social one' that he was currently giving off. "You are! Secretive bastard! I know you're not supposed to say anything directly, but damn!" She leaned over and poked his bare arm. "So where is it?"

His look never changed, but the aura switched to 'I know something you don't, and it amuses me, but I'm not going to show it because I was trained to be a heartless shinobi who doesn't feel amusement.' Translating quickly, she had her answer.

"You use ink-based jutsus, so you can control the ink in the tattoo! So, it'll only appear when you want it too. Awesome!" She felt incredibly smug as Sai projected surprise, then annoyance.

Kakashi chuckled, "Give it up, Sai. In case you haven't noticed, she's a damned sharp one." He pulled out Icha Icha again and started reading as he ate his eggs.

Sakura blushed at the compliment, "Nah. I just know him that well. The rest was deductive reasoning."

Sai was visibly narrowing his gaze at her. "Sakura . . ."

She waved him off, "You know I won't say anything. It's good to know I can find you in an emergency, if I have to, though. Tsunade can always tell where any of you are at any given time."

Naruto suddenly snorted broth from his ramen cup. "Sai, you're so black and white, and your sense of humor stinks. Is your mask a skunk?" He started laughing uncontrollably at his own bad joke.

Sai rolled his eyes, which made him seem oddly more human, and stood, his omelette demolished. "I am to report to Godaime-sama for a mission."

"Negative," Sakura interjected. "Tsunade specifically told me to inform all of you that all duties are suspended, rescheduled or reassigned until 'recent events' have been cleared up.

Naruto groaned. "Great, so Baa-chan wants us to sit around and do nothing? Yeah, like being all upset and moping about the situation is gonna help any."

Kakashi gratefully accepted the second helping Sakura waved in his direction. "I'm sure she's just giving us time to let the shock wear off. And to keep the more impulsive of us," here, he very carefully did NOT look at anyone, "from doing anything they might regret later."

Sakura snorted. "I think the shock wore off last night. Now I'm just pissed at Sasuke's audacity, coming in here like that. He probably expected me to fall at his fucking feet. It would be just like him."

Sai stood and went to the sink, handing his cleaned plate to the clone currently rinsing dishes. "The question remains, then. What are we going to do, today?"

Their resident loudmouth leaned back in his chair, balancing it on the back legs. "Well, no one can stop us from training! And even with Sasuke back, there's plenty of other bad guys in the world who need their asses kicked. Of course," his grin turned positively demonic, "I wouldn't mind some more of the 'training' from last night!"

Sakura shifted in her chair and winced. "Go fuck yourself. I'm sore."

Kakashi shook his head at the two of them. "Children, let's play nice."

The blonde and pinkette exchanged a glance, then grinned and pointed in unison, "PEDOPHILE!"

Their sensei choked on his scrambled eggs as the two laughed like maniacs.

Sai saved their team leader, thumping him solidly on the back. Sakura and Naruto slowly regained their sanity. Breakfast was eaten, clones were dispelled, and the universe resumed its normal course.

Team Kakashi finally agreed on a course of action: Training came first, as always, and then they'd head over to the Uchiha district to see how things were looking. With any luck, Naruto's place would be nearing completion.

They'd be damned if they let the Uchiha get his family home back.

Fuck him.

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A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed and/or voted. You guys are awesome! Reviews are like ice cream for the ego; I never realized how much so. I'm going to make an active effort to review every story that I read, now, just because I know how it feels to get a positive one.

Oh, and Feion_Phylar-can you really see Naruto being involved in something like this and NOT getting into everything he could? He reminds me of a kid in a toy shop-gotta play with EVERYthing!

And lesliasons: It's not so much that she was thinking about him, it's that she was happy that she didn't think about him while the boys were blowing her away with their awesome skillz. If that makes any sense.

stupefiedNarutard: I love you. You rock. Sorry for forgetting to email you about the update. You are the wind beneath my wings, and you were the fire under my ass that got this chapter out.

And no, I don't know whether Sasuke will be involved with Team Kakashi or not. Sakura hasn't told me, yet. But I can tell you this as a teaser: Revenge is not necessarily served best cold!