Life Before Life After

A/N: this for anon and everyone who has been patiently waiting. I found some time to edit in between RL drama. Did I say drama? I meant drama, drama, drama, drama, drama. Just in case you were wondering =) Wish me luck, I'll need it!

Inspired by the lovely Vienna Teng and her song, 'I don't feel so well' and 'now three'. She's so, so awesome. Go listen to some of her stuff!


Chapter 5


If Sasuke felt odd standing in front of the Hyuuga compound holding a tinfoiled, edible nasty- gram, he didn’t show it. He knew the only way to deal with Hyuugas was to either meet their superiority complex with one larger than their own, or to look vacantly over the shoulder of whoever you were dealing with and repeat your request over and over and over until you got sent up the food chain. Since Sasuke was playing nice he used the latter method despite the fact that it took roughly two hours to find out that Hinata was scheduled to have tea in the garden and was available to receive a carefully monitored guest.

Hanabi’s exact words; “Make one wrong move and I’ll put my hand through your fucking spine, got it?”

It had been difficult to hear that sentence come out of a undersized genin and not raise an eyebrow at her impudence, but Sasuke managed. Barely. He was escorted to the gardens by a particularly well-built branch member, but thankfully left to his own devices when they finally approached a very content looking Hinata.

She was dressed in the traditional clothing of the Hyuuga, much like Neji’s usual outfit only more finely tailored and embroidered silk. Without the baggy coat and the stupid pants she looked elegant, shiningly beautiful with flowing, long hair; but Sasuke took one look at her and new that even under all the finery and poise that she was still the girl who nearly fainted at Naruto’s smallest touch.

“Hyuuga-sama,” Sasuke dumped the cake on some decorative bench and bowed, “Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to meet with me.”

Hinata bowed back, slightly less lower than Sasuke as her position allowed, and murmured, “Not so busy, Uchiha-sama, that I would ignore the chief of police. Please sit.” She gestured to a cushion by a short table, and Sasuke did what he was told, immensely grateful to be off of his feet.

She began to pour him tea in exquisite china cups, and Sasuke diplomatically replied, “I’m afraid that I’m simply an overseer at this point, Hyuuga-sama, …I don’t deserve such respected title.”

Hinata’s pale eyes flickered up once, briefly, but she didn’t reply. Sasuke drank his tea and wondered if prolonged exposure to the general populace had made him an idiot. The smart thing to do would have been to accept the title and the honorific. He was an Uchiha and Uchiha were entitled to…

…nothing, Sasuke looked down at the table, nothing at all.

“Uchiha-san,” Hinata’s voice was soft but to the point, “I’m going to skip the pleasantries and ask you what you want.”

Sasuke clenched his jaw and put his pride and the old expectations of respect into a large, locked box, and did his best to be a good person. The expectations of the MP rested on his shoulders alone.

“The station is in dire straits at the moment…and I’ve been thinking of some ways to bolster the finances.”

Sasuke opened his mouth to continue his thought, but was cut off by Hinata’s immediate, furious stare as she slammed her cup down on the table.

“After all you’ve done you come here and you ask for money!” Hinata’s voice never raised but her furor was more than apparent as the byakagun activated, “How dare you -”

Sasuke put his hands up, “I’m not asking for money. “

Hinata’s mouth shut with a click and she folded her arms, her eyes narrowed as her bloodline deactivated.

“The Hokage suggested a bake sale, but…that particular idea isn’t suited to the problem.” Sasuke wasn’t panicked, but he was close. His words spilled out significantly faster than normal. “I just can’t ask the men to do something so time consuming and so costly just so that the station can earn a profit.”

During Sasuke’s fevered monologue Hinata’s face had softened considerably, and her voice was soft, when she said, “Go on.”

“I’m out of ideas.” Sasuke grumbled miserably as he stared into his tea, “And both Sakura and Ino suggested that I come to you for help. That’s it. I don’t…” Sasuke shrugged, “…I know when I don’t know what to do.”

Hinata took a sip of tea and looked suspiciously contemplative as she murmured, “I’ve heard a rumor that your freedom is contingent on the success of our police force’s revival. Is that true?”

Sasuke’s heart sank, but he said, “Yes.”

“So basically, if I help you with your difficulties I am essentially supporting the decision to loose you on Konoha, despite your treasonable and despicable crimes. Assisting you, Uchiha Sasuke, would nearly be a criminal act in itself.”

Sasuke closed his eyes and wondered why he had ever thought that Hinata, someone who was devoted to Naruto with a passion, would ever give him aid of any sort.

Then he did what he swore he would never again do after he had killed Orochimaru.

When Sasuke moved away from the table and pressed his forehead to the prickly grass, he fully expected to feel of Hinata’s heel on his neck. He tried to speak, but despite that pride so carefully stowed away, the overwhelming shame stopped his tongue and blocked the words from his throat. He almost wished she’d kill him then, exposed and pathetic, the first Uchiha to ever grovel in the dirt at a Hyuuga’s feet.

And Hinata left him there, drinking her tea as Sasuke buried his hands in the grass and tried not to shake.

“Please-” He started, but the past slammed into him with amazing force, going back to a time when ‘please’ had meant so much more than a simple request.

‘Foolish little brother…live miserably…clutch to life…foolish little brother…’

Not good enough, never good enough, Sasuke had avenged his clan but he still couldn’t stand with honor. It was suddenly apparent to him, at that moment, that the wrong Uchiha brother had died that morning in the forest. Itachi had bowed to no one, and here was Sasuke, nearly a decade later, clinging desperately at the last scraps of a dishonorable, worthless existence.

‘Live in an unsightly manner….’ They had all bowed to Itachi in the end; limbless and spilling their blood into Uchiha ground while Sasuke begged and cried and cowered in the slick warmth of his parent’s death.

“-suke…Sasuke…Sasuke, raise your head,” Hinata’s hand ripped Sasuke back into real life, where his stomach was churning and his breaths were coming in desperate chokes.

Hinata got one shocked look of his tearstained face before Sasuke lurched to the side and vomited in the Hyuuga’s carefully tended bushes.

****

Sasuke woke on a surface far more comfortable than his usual bed/desk, looking up at a gray ceiling with the words ‘Uchiha Obito was here’ etched in what looked to be kunai marks. The statement was followed by ‘Uchiha Obito is an idiot- HK.’ but both sentences were eclipsed by the broad slashes, announcing, ‘STOP PUTTING GRAFFITI ON MY CEILING- YONDAIME HOKAGE’. Under that was a barely noticeable ‘sorry, sensei’, which would have made Sasuke smirk on a better day. Today he felt like any movement other than blinking would make his head burst like a blood blister. He tried it anyway and was rewarded by the sight of Tsunade chugging from a large sake bottle with a thoroughly desiccated cake at her side and crumbs on her fingers.

Tsunade caught sight of his open eyes and smirked infuriatingly enough that Sasuke wished he could vomit again right all over her floor and-

“I see our patient is awake.” She chuckled, crooning, “How are you Sasu-chan?”

“You’re drunk.” Sasuke slurred. Tsunade chuckled again and stood, pointing a finger to Sasuke’s left where a saline bag was hanging from a long metal pole.

“Not as drunk as you.” She took another few swallows of sake, “Do you have any idea how many sedatives I put in that bag?”

“Not enough, apparently.”

“Brat.” She fell back down into her chair with a thump before bellowing, “SHIZUNE!”

The nausea came back full-force, and he groaned, “She’s at the precinct.”

“Oh.” Tsunade looked into her bottle as if her assistant and her assistant’s pig were about to come barreling out at any moment. “…that’s why I’m not doing paperwork.”

“You’re not doing paperwork because you’re drunk.” Sasuke sighed, closing his eyes. “What time is it?”

Suddenly the Hokage’s ‘generosity’ of sending her personal assistants over to help Sasuke made a lot more sense. If Sasuke had known he was facilitating Tsunade’s liquor habit he would have…no, he still would have kept Shizune. The woman was a minor miracle when it came to the old filing system. The last secretary must have been just a big a lush as Tsunade.

“Time for another bottle of sake,” Tsunade laughed, the sound of breaking crockery echoing through the room. Sasuke heard the door open and a low, “Hokage-sama?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Go away.” The door closed, and Tsunade made a face. “Those ANBU are such party poopers.”

Sasuke tried to sit up and failed. Miserably.

“Why can’t I move my body?”

Tsunade cackled again, “Well, Hinata had to keep you from killing Hanabi somehow. Apparently you taught that little brat not to provoke a shinobi in the middle of a psychotic break, no matter how handicapped they may seem.”

Sasuke opened his eyes only to roll them with a sigh. One step forward, and two, three, four steps back…

“Is she-?

“She’s fine,” Tsunade waved a hand dismissively, “Sakura reattached the arm, no problem.”

Sasuke stared at her in horror. Forget about Neji, he thought, the whole fucking Hyuuga clan would be out for his blood now-

“That was a joke!” Tsunade rolled her eyes in return, “You only knocked her out.” Tsunade giggled, “In, like, five seconds.”

She giggled again and stared up into the air, as if immersed in the lovely image of an unconscious Hyuuga Hanabi. “I hate that brat worse than you, Uchiha.”

Sasuke groaned and closed his tired eyes.

“Psychotic break?” He asked helplessly, “What-”

And then he remembered. Every excruciating detail railed down on his consciousness until he couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe-

“And that’s why I used so many sedatives,” Tsunade muttered, appearing magically to poke a syringe into the bag above Sasuke’s head. “Our resident psychologist refuses to treat you…so I refuse to pay him. Eventually you’ll get something better, Uchiha, but until then-”

Her brown eyes met his and she sighed deeply, finally seeming human with that deep, sorrowful gaze.

“You really are just a kid, aren’t you?” She leaned against the side of the couch, “You always seem so much older than Naruto and Sakura, and maybe you are in a sense…”

Naruto. Sasuke shut off the post-mortem whisperings of his brother and focused on Naruto. Loud, brash, sometimes a complete idiot, but he’d always managed to banish Sasuke’s ghosts, because even with his faults there was, god, so much beauty in him that it seemed almost supernatural that he exist in the midst of such relentless hatred. Sasuke blinked slowly and used Naruto, yet again, to soften the terrors of the past.

Sasuke gasped and began to breathe, clutching at Tsunade’s arm as if he was drowning, and he was, sort of, falling prey to the undertow of her medicines. She placed a free hand over his own, and it was soft, warm, and a comfort he had long since forgotten. His mother had touched him like that, had cupped his face with battle-hardened hands and smiled with overwhelming love. To think of it, even years later, was enough to clear Sasuke’s mind of horror.

Touching him like this…Sasuke imagined suddenly that he understood Tsunade and her vicious brand of concern, could understand how hate had slowly turned to grudging affection as she watched him limp back into the heavily armed embrace of society.

With this in mind Sasuke could finally admit that maybe he liked the old bat and her clever but genuinely fucked-up sense of caring.

“You know… he loves you.” Tsunade’s whisper invaded his mind in the last moments before unconscious and Sasuke sighed, enchanted by the pleasant dream.

****

When Sasuke woke up the second time it was to the sight of pristine, familiar rafters and the sight of Hyuuga Hinata, poised and powerful scion of the Hyuuga clan, biting her lip with a look of absolute mortification.

“Sasuke-san,” Her voice called back to their genin days, “I am so sorry. If I’d known I never would have-”

Sasuke blinked and mumbled some appropriate response, but Hinata continued unheeded in a rush of words Sasuke could barely follow.

“Goman nasai,” She finally whispered, putting her own forehead to the ground, “I beg your forgiveness.”

Sasuke cleared his throat and croaked, “Sit up, that floor is dirty.

She seemed to be attending him in her best finery, a kimono that fairly shimmered even in the low light of his bedroom. Hinata did as she was told, with large, wet eyes and a waterfall of mussed dark hair. She was truly beautiful, Sasuke realized, and Naruto was a fool not to snatch her up and marry her. What the hell was he waiting for?

Sasuke ignored the soft sound of Tsunade’s words, claiming them as a dream even as they became indelibly etched into his heart.

“Tsunade tells me,” He whispered, taking her sudden gift of water with thanks, “She tells me there are triggers…it could have happened anywhere, anytime. There is nothing to forgive when my own mind is at fault.”

“I was provoking you needlessly and taking pleasure in your discomfort,” Hinata insisted, “And I intend to atone for that thoughtless act.”

Sasuke looked back up to the ceiling and choked a laugh.

“Hyuuga-sama…” How ridiculous to have this representation of Hyuuga dominance actually apologizing to him, “I deserved more than a tongue thrashing…and, ah, Hanabi?”

Hinata smiled slightly and murmured, “Humbled.”

Sasuke sighed. “Please relay my apologies for…whatever I did.”

“I will not.” Hinata’s amusement was only a few moments from a laugh, “It was about time someone taught that girl she was mortal, and she’s bullied her generation so badly that no one dares challenge her. There is nothing more humiliating to a Hyuuga than to be taken down in home territory and you sent her right through the garden wall.”

The image was humorous but begged the question, “And why did I do that ?”

Hinata’s humor evaporated, and she sighed. “That stupid girl grabbed you by the hair. Apparently that was one of the ‘triggers’ Tsunade-sama spoke of, because you reacted with considerable emotion.”

Sasuke closed his eyes and took deep breaths, remembering.

“When he made me watch them die…he’d pull me by the hair so I that couldn’t turn my face away. If I fell down he’d yank me back up like that, like I was nothing.”

Hinata looked down at her hands for a long moment, her hair and the dusk of night casting a shadow over her eyes as the room descended into a surprisingly comforting silence. When she finally returned his glance, her eyes were teary but her smile confident and assured.

“I have decided to support you in your financial situation,” She said, “But after doing a little research I’ve decided that a…bake sale is far too low scale to make any significant profit. We need to think on a more grand scale.”

It made sense, so Sasuke just nodded at her to continue.

“I propose that we put on a charity festival.” Hinata smiled widely. “Tsunade-sama has agreed to allow us free use of the parade grounds, meaning that the station would collect the usual fees from stall owners and merchants. Since it would be a charity drive we could also ask for a certain percentage of their profit.”

Sasuke’s worries began to lighten and he nearly sighed in relief as Hinata continued to outline the various ways they could rake in the cash; raffles, games, food stalls, ground rentals, an auction…the list was impressive to say the very least.

“I also thought we should have some sort of theme to encourage party-goers.” Hinata was nearly vibrating with excitement, “What do you think?”

“Hn.” Sasuke was wordless in his surprise. This was far more than he had expected and definitely outside his scope of imagination. If things were up to him they’d still be nursing burn wounds and the ultimate bowel problems from ingesting sub-par eating materials.

“That’s what I thought.” Hinata clapped her hands together happily. “I suggest a costume theme. Everyone loves to dress up …and you know how shinobi can be. Some people would have more fun if they thought no one could recognize them, ne?”

“Sure.” Sasuke was one of those people himself. Life would be so much better if he could just walk around in a henge all day. There would certainly be less impromptu donations of spit.

“Of course, I’ll be in charge.” Hinata said dismissively, as if what would be an enormous task was nothing but a simple errand. “I can get the backing of most of the clans and I know exactly who to contact. I say we give it…two weeks to get it all together? Maybe three? I suppose we’ll see.”

Between fatigue and surprise Sasuke was truly speechless. All he could do was bow his head in what he hoped appeared to be an ecstatically thankful manner. From Hinata’s smile, he seemed to have succeeded.

“I’m glad,” She said and Sasuke finally collapsed back to his bed. “I’ll contact you with more details later and keep you up to date on our progress. Get some rest Sasuke-san.”

As soon as the woman stepped out of the room, Sasuke did just that; closing his eyes with the very slightest of smiles.

*****

The next day Sasuke was declared fit enough to stagger to work, so stagger he did, walking halfway across the village to collapse at his desk with a grateful sigh.

Already the station was bustling with activity. The men checking in after patrol or getting ready to go out. A few of the ANBU taking care of morning offenders by tossing them into the oft-abused drunk tank. Sasuke had been met with a furious janitor only a few days after the crackdown on public inebriation, and it had taken a considerable raise to just get the man to do his job in the cell. Sasuke was already looking into contracting the job out to someone with a better gag reflex. The last thing they needed was another addition to the vomit trough.

Ken gave him a quick report on the night shift as the weekend hadn’t been particularly busy, but stayed long enough to pass off one large mug of steaming coffee and some onigiri, because as he so tactfully said, “Sasuke, you look like you’ve been through a blender. When’s the last time you slept?”

“Does forced unconscious count?” Sasuke had asked, filing his notes away.

“Ahhh,” Ken made a worried face, “No. It does not.”

“Whatever.” Sasuke shrugged, ignoring the look, “Go home and do…whatever it is that you do.”

Ken bit his lip and closed Sasuke’s door, fidgeting in discomfort.

“Actually, I need to talk to you about something.”

Sasuke fell into his chair, sighed deeply, and gave him the go-ahead, already entirely sure what the problem was. Ken talked for a few moments, growing more and more excited as Sasuke began to fade out, and finally Sasuke simply raised a hand.

“Your proposal has merit. Send me what you have and I’ll get back to you, but right now there’s nothing I can do to further your ambitions.”

Ken’s face fell and Sasuke’s tired mind managed to dredge up some sympathy.

“There is simply no money.” He explained, “Until we can make a profit there is no way I can authorize further expenditure, but I promise you that as soon as we have the funds your program will begin to be implemented…until then.” Sasuke shrugged.

“But you’ll help me with my proposal?” Ken wilted but continued on resolutely. Sasuke repressed a sigh and nodded. As flattering as it was to have the man come to him for help, there was also a plethora of projects that unfortunately took far more priority.

“I’ll do what I can.” Sasuke promised, because in good conscience that was really all he could give. But Ken looked satisfied, smiling widely as he bowed and excited, his cheer of ‘Yatta!” coming straight through the heavy door. He found a certain awe at being suddenly surrounded with people so easy and eager to please.

It was just those precious few making life a living hell.

So why did Sasuke feel his haze lighten when one of those few walked through the door with a short knock and a, “Hey, asshole. Sakura said you wanted to see me?”

It had only been a few days since Naruto was in his office, smiling as he marked homework, but it felt like they’d been separated for ages as Sasuke struggled through the mire of his own mind.

“Naruto,” Sasuke said stupidly, “Please sit.”

Then he attempted to appear as if he had something to say.

“I spoke with Sakura.” Sasuke said, shifting through paperwork only to glance up to see Naruto still standing and looking highly amused.

“Congratulations.” Naruto said, the barest touch of sarcasm lacing his tone. “If that’s all you needed,” He pointed to the door, “I have a class to teach so…”

He turned on his heal, hand on the door, and Sasuke blurted, “I lied.”

To his own credit the words came evenly, soft and sure, but Sasuke knew that Naruto knew him well enough to hear the desperateness layered beneath the statement. Naruto froze in the doorway, his head bowing towards the floor.

“I suppose the kids can wait.” He whispered after a long, silent moment, but he didn’t turn around. Instead Naruto leaned his forehead against the wall, his body tensing as he fingers flexed against the unforgiving surface of the wall. It looked as if he were trying to break free of the room, some quiet part of him trying to escape even as Naruto held his breath in Sasuke’s office.

Again Sasuke didn’t know what to say. Even as Naruto’s fingers scratched and spasmed Sasuke’s brain seemed to pull away, conjuring images he didn’t want to see, imaginings he hadn’t wanted to even conceive. Why was it that his tongue only loosened when Naruto was on the very edge of walking away? Sasuke was never reckless, but somehow when it came to Naruto he seemed to forget that desperately logical, restrained part of himself, the part so intrinsic to everyday life, and logic left him, suddenly ephemeral rather than its usual solid strength.

Just as Naruto could fan the fire, he could whisk away the lightening edge that kept Sasuke’s finer tuned sensibilities at call. When Naruto turned his head, his blue eyes glowing ember red Sasuke’s resolve simply burst into flame.

“I-” Sasuke’s voice caught in his throat and he stood, slowly, splaying his hands over scattered reports.

“I-” He began again, but the words, the shame, caught in his throat. “Naruto-”

Naruto closed his eyes and smiled.

It was horrible.

“Don’t sweat it Sasuke,” He whispered, voice low, “I never expected anything else.”

When he opened his eyes it was not to look at Sasuke.

“Naruto -”

And when Naruto shut the door it seemed to lock behind him.

Next up- Bribery, Intimidation, and...Akamaru?