Shinobi Grape Juice

Title: What Once Was Rumor, Becomes Legend
Genre: Humor/Romance
Characters: Kakashi, Iruka, Kiba and Hinata
Rating: T
Summery: Iruka makes a list of things to avoid and this is damn well getting added to it. (kakairu, yaoi)
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. Don't own, don't make money. It's merely for my own amusement.

“But it’s not fair…” Iruka complained watching the splay of Kakashi’s fingers between his own. They were languidly curled together on his apartment floor. The radio filling ever room with a gentle tune. “You just don’t understand,” he pouted.

Kakashi, long pale legs tangled beneath muscled tan ones, mask discarded listlessly somewhere about the room, silently hooked an index finger around the chuunins and pulled their hands closer, kissing the others knuckles as a silent apology.

Iruka sighed.

“That’s not going to work Kakashi-kun,” he snuggled into the shoulder turn makeshift pillow of his lover and continued slightly muffled. “Do you know why?”

The pillow snorted, his breath ghosting over Iruka’s skin causing an involuntary shiver. Kakashi didn’t know per se, but he’d heard the mounting rumors. Wisely he chose to stay quiet, shaking his head in the negative.

“Kiba.” Iruka deadpanned. “Inuzuka Kiba and… I can’t believe I’m even saying this, but, Hyuuga Hinata.”

Kakashi’s entwining fingers stilled. We’ll he hadn’t expected that.

“Mmhmm,” Iruka continued, using Kakashi’s lack of attention to his advantage. A flick of the wrist and the jounin’s fingers were officially trapped between his again. “My very EX students thought it would be ‘fun’ to follow a rumor. That rumor Kakashi,” he pinched the mans pinkie. “Your rumor.”

--x--o--x--o--x--

Inuzuka Kiba was staring at him. Inuzuka Kiba and Hyuuga Hinata were staring at him. At least Iruka thought it was him. He turned ever so slightly to check his surroundings. No one else was in the aisle, not even a store employee. Well then, it was definite. Inuzuka Kiba and Hyuuga Hinata were each staring at him. One all teeth and predatory, the other wide-eyed and nervous. Surprisingly, both had him feeling a little intimidated.

Using subtlety best fit for an academy student and not a ninja of chuunin status, Iruka held two fingers to his wrist and counted. According to his pulse he was indeed feeling intimidated. Intimidated, panicked, curious, weary and a multitude of other emotions that sought to pool together and churn in the pit of his stomach.

Again with ninja subtlety, Iruka glanced about for any telltale signs of an impending prank. There was nothing. At least nothing seemed out of place. He’d been at the convenience store in the exact same spot yesterday and it all looked about the same. More or less.

His gaze fell back on the watching pair, minutes having already passed, and found himself suppressing a shudder. Grudgingly, Iruka had to admit that it wasn’t Kiba with his I’m-about-to-gobble-you-up grin that set his nerves on edge, oh no, it was the usually shy, blushing, stuttering Hinata that had his stomach in knots.

Indeed she was blushing, stuttering and clinging to the Inuzuka’s coat like a life preserve, but she was still there. Still watching with those entirely too expressive white orbs.

Alarmingly, Iruka had the distinct feeling that they were waiting.

--x--o--x--o--x--

“Why were they waiting?” Kakashi interrupted, dragging his thumb nail along Iruka’s inner palm.

“I’m not sure,” Iruka shivered like he had so many other times at Kakashi’s touch. “A signal of some sort I guess. I hadn’t even said anything at that point.”

“Acting too creepy for your sensibilities sensei?”

Iruka grinned into the warmth of his living pillow and brought up his free hand, introducing another five fingers to their battle. Kakashi followed suit, tangling all 20 digits together. A war of marble and sand the jounin mused before curling three fingers, flicking a forth and-

Iruka squawked.

--x--o--x--o--x--

Much too unstealthy for Iruka’s chastising inner sensei, Hinata poked Kiba in the ribs. The shaggy haired brunette frowned, mumbled something in return, then smoothed his features out in angelic perfection. The chuunins eyes widened. Damn it but those little brats were up to something. Oh yes, Hyuuga Hinata had finally graduated from charmingly-shy to devil-child. Iruka felt like getting her a trophy. Kurenai would be so proud.

“Ohayo Iruka-sensei!” Kiba, it seemed, had been practicing his Good Guy Pose.

Swallowing the rapidly filling pit of despair, which as it happened tasted like so much bile, Iruka weakly smiled. “Ohayo Kiba-kun, Hinata-kun.”

He waved, using those oft mentioned ninja skills to ‘accidentally almost’ drop his shopping basket, therefore reminding the staring two-thirds of Team Eight that he, Umino Iruka, was in fact doing things. Important food gathering things which would lead to other food-like things once his gathering was done. Thus, he had absolutely no time for whatever bullsh- prank they were about to pull.

Sadly, most of his actions went over the genins heads. Kiba shifted his focus momentarily, as though just realizing they were inside a convenience store, and gave a silent ‘huh’. Hinata merely kept quiet throughout the entire exchange, blushing, clinging and watching.

Iruka rubbed the bridge of his nose. He didn’t have time for games, for this… whatever this was. Stuff. He inwardly groaned. He’d been trying to avoid ‘stuff’ all damn day and this was fast reminding him of why he’d been avoiding ‘stuff’ to a degree of blessed ignorance. In point of fact, he was adding this to his list of ‘stuff’.

Other things he’d been avoiding (ignoring) included a multitude of jounin who saw fit to wink at him every time they passed. Chuunin who blew him kisses and civilians who would hastily change their conversational topic while he was near, only to start back up as soon as he was out of ear shot. It would help if he actually were out of ear shot he supposed, but he wasn’t.

So now ‘stuff’ also included snippets of conversations, and the odd stray word he’d pick up from random villagers. Shinobi, civilian, even the occasional summons.

“I wouldn't mind doing work if I got a little yaoi show going on…”

“Window…!”

“… upended turtle…”

“… amazing tactic.”

“There’s your demonstration right there.”

“Go sensei!”

“… not enough cunning… brilliant…”

“… trouble the moment… to his class… undignified…”

Yes. Kiba and Hinata were definitely going on his list of ‘stuff’. And in adding them, Iruka did the only thing there was to do. He pointed feebly at the confectionery aisle, smiled and tried not to whimper.

“I’ll just be going now. It was good to see you both, say hello to Kurenai-sensei for me and Shino-kun of course…” he rambled, sidestepping until out of view. With a pitiful sigh Iruka continued shopping. Might as well get Kakashi a mint slice while I’m here…

--x--o--x--o--x--

“You bought me chocolate?” Kakashi locked all of Iruka’s fingers between his own, effectively ending their game. “Where?” He turned his head taking in an upside-down view of the kitchen table and bench. “I don’t see it Ru…”

“You won‘t,” Iruka rolled his eyes. “I said I went to get you a mint slice, I never said I got it.”

Kakashi refrained from pouting, just. It was a close call. He’d had to remind himself he was ninja and ninja did not pout. Unless it got them sex. Then he’d pout, pout, pout. Even throwing in the occasional wibble. Iruka was slave to the wibble.

“…I was interrupted.” Iruka continued, oblivious to the jounin’s chocolaty inner turmoil.

On the verge of brooding, Kakashi wondered who he’d have to kill for such an affront.

Finally noticing the waves of chocolate induced killing intent rolling from his scarecrow, Iruka did the only thing a good boyfriend could do. He untangled one of his fingers and used it to flick Kakashi’s equal.

Desserts forgotten, the war of digits continued. Crisis averted.

--x--o--x--o--x--

Confectionery, it seemed, now came with an all new ingredient - chakra. Iruka weighed the bar, turned it over, read the label and decided while the henge was well done, Kiba had to work on his chakra cloaking. He had the luminosity of a neon elephant.

“Kiba-kun,” he growled.

The henge stayed silent like any well-behaved mint slice would.

“Kiba,” Iruka repeated, hints of his Teacher Voice seeping through.

The slice quivered slightly.

Iruka groaned. Why his ex-student had henged into a confectionery bar he did not know. He didn’t want to know. What he wanted, was for it to stop. So with an influx to his own chakra Iruka dispelled the boys henge and unceremoniously dropped him on his ass.

Kiba landed with a silent ‘oof’ and moaned. Before either of them could blink, Hinata was back by his side, helping him up. Though heartened by the display of affection, Iruka crossed his arms over his chest and stared down at the two radiating menace. He’d had quite enough of ‘stuff’ for one damn day. To his credit, the Inuzuka boy did not flinch. He merely rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly before straightening up completely. Hinata stood slightly behind him.

After a long pregnant silence had settled in, Kiba cleared his throat. Iruka’s brow inched even higher, and if possible, with its apparent lack of patrons, the store became even quieter.

“Yes, Kiba-kun?” Iruka grit. There was nothing more he’d have liked right at that moment than to be at home making dinner, marking homework or having a nice hot bath with a certain jounin. He sighed, continuing none too polite. “What do you want?”

In hindsight, the chuunin realized he’d asked possibly the worst question out there.

Kiba’s canines gleamed in the false light, his eyes twinkling with glee. Rising himself to full height while gripping the Hyuuga’s hand, he took a quick survey of their surroundings and indeed the store was now crowded, voyeurs at the ready. With a wink, the boy and half the stores occupants chortled.

“Sweet Chuunin Ass!”

--x--o--x--o--x--

A roar of laughter filled the room.

Iruka pouted. It wasn’t that funny. To prove his point, he poked Kakashi between the ribs causing him to jerk. While the retaliation served it’s purpose, it didn’t quite stop the gleeful overtone of the mans voice.

“Your ass has become legend!” He squeezed said sweetness.

“Yes…” Iruka growled. “I wouldn’t mind so much if it was just the chuunin and jounin having their fun, but these are my students. Ex-students,” he waved off the coming argument. Some things they’d just agreed to disagree on. “I couldn’t… I didn’t…”

--x--o--x--o--x--

Wide eyed and horrified, the chuunin found himself idly wonder who was blushing brighter, himself or Hinata. He looked at the two genin, then at a group of huddled off-duty shinobi who’d shared the sentiment.

“I… I…”

Devoid of words, or thought, Iruka carried his half packed basket to the counter and paid the cautiously waiting employee. As he stumbled down the single step and into the waiting street he realized many things he wished he hadn’t. They’d all been staring, all day, at him, thinking the same incorrigible thoughts.

In a daze Iruka continued towards his home, feet automatically leading the way. It was his own damn fault. Well partially his own fault. If only he’d reined in his temper, if only he hadn’t raised to the bait, if only he hadn’t tried to teach a room full of ninja not to disrupt his class…

--x--o--x--o--x--

“If only you had kept the hell out of my classroom!” Iruka finally hissed, pinching his lovers hand. “None of-”

“Owie!” Kakashi’s whine interrupted the chuunin.

“…baby.”

“Kiss it better?” The big, bad, feared Copy-Ninja of Konoha held his bruised boo-boo before his lovers lips pleadingly. Iruka snorted, but complied nonetheless, giving the hand a quick peck. Kakashi pouted.

“You,” Iruka poked the man beside him, again, and ignored the pout. “Started all of this.”

Rolling onto his stomach and crawling higher, he perched himself above that one intensely gazing eye and bit his bottom lip. He let it quiver ever so slightly before backing the action up with fuelled doe-eyes. Wide, teary, never-ending pools of chocolate.

“Ruuuuuka,” Kakashi whined again, cursing the Doe-eye no Jutsu.

Iruka released the hold he had on his lip, only for it to wibble. He blinked back tears and let out a shaky breath.

“Kiss it better?” The chuunin pointed to himself.

Wibble, wibble.

Kakashi groaned, uncertain if it was in protest or desire before tugging his dolphin closer, their lips crushing together. He felt Iruka smiled into the kiss and chose to ignore it. He didn’t want to know what it meant when all his lover had to do was look at him and he became jounin putty.

His own defense had been used against him. Wibble and all.

Working his hand down Kakashi’s body, Iruka decided that this was a much better way to ignore ‘stuff’.

End.

--
I am SO sorry for this taking so long! The next one is written and will be up in a week. As a lameass bonus, this is almost like two stories in one. Kind of. Please don’t hurt me!

Villager quotes taken from reviews of a lesson in misdirection: drmsr, demondreams, ofuda, deathjunke, wingslapped, darkkaomi, rantyrie.