Bathhouse revelations

Chapter 5

It was a cloudy and cold Thursday afternoon. But Iruka’s mood couldn’t be ruined by the nasty weather, nor by the continual stares and murmurs that still followed him everywhere he went, even in his classroom as his students had started giving him weird stares lately. No, not even that could ruin his good mood. No, he couldn’t care less about those. Because it was Thursday. And Thursday were good days: he didn’t have classes after 3 o’clock and had no mission room duties, so he always finished early on Thursdays. Plus, he was almost done correcting his students’ latest homework and was supposed to meet with Naruto at the Ichiraku ramen stand around 5 o’clock. The prospect of spending the evening with the colorful and dynamic teen was making him smile with anticipation - Naruto always knew how to cheer him up somehow and he was looking forward to spending the evening with his bouncy ex-pupil.

When he was done with his classes, Iruka watched his students leave mournfully for their study session with the other pre-genins and cleaned the classroom absent-mindedly. Then, he started finishing correcting the children’s homework. Hopefully, the correction wouldn’t take too much time and he would be finished before heading for Ichiraku’s. That way, he’d have the whole evening to himself, something quite rare for him. Before the whole rumor affair turned upside down his life, Iruka had bought himself a book he had been longing to read for a long time. If things went smoothly, he would be able to read it before going to bed. And then he would go to the bathhouse and take a long, hot bath... Indeed, he was about to have a nice, relaxing evening.

Iruka was grading when one of his coworkers knocked on the classroom’s door frame. “Iruka-sensei?”

“Yes?”

“Dokyugo-san would like to see you at his office - right now.”

Iruka’s eyebrows rose up with surprise; what could the Principal want with him? None of his students was in a precarious position and, as far as he was aware of, he hadn’t done anything lately that could explain why the Principal suddenly needed to have a discussion with him.

Dokyugo Yochuu was a 45 year-old man who was known for being a good diplomat - that was the reason why he was named the Principal of the Ninja Academy in the first place. His job was to ensure a good cooperation between teachers and the heads of the important family clans of the village, who often didn’t have the same views on matters such as teaching methods and what should be taught to children to start with. It was a tricky job, because Konoha couldn’t afford to set the heads of the clans against the village, but their heirs couldn’t be given special treatment either - they would be the first ones to be penalized by it, even though their parents thought otherwise. He also had to make sure what the professors taught was respecting the Hokage and the village council’s wishes and did not offense any clan. It was a difficult task and that was why Dokyugo-san was so respected by his peers.

Why did he want to see Iruka so suddenly? Usually, he only ordered teachers by his office when they did something wrong or when some parents complained about their teaching methods - which was more common than people imagined. It sure had been a while since the last time Iruka had been convoked to the Principal’s office - he mildly wondered what he could have done wrong, passing in review his last lessons in his head as he made his way to Dokyugo-san’s office. Maybe it was about last week’s classes; he had been quite distracted back then because of what he heard in the bathhouse about Kakashi-sensei. He probably wanted to give him a warning to make sure he’d remain focused in class. Anyhow, he’d soon find out, he told himself as he arrived to his superior’s office.

Taking one big breath, Iruka knocked on Dokyugo’s door and waited, feeling a little bit anxious although he knew he shouldn’t. Those meetings were rather common, he shouldn’t let them upset him anymore. Besides, what he had done probably wasn’t serious. He heard the Principal tell him to come in from behind the closed door and entered the sober but tastefully decorated room, quietly closing the door behind him. Dokyugo-san was behind his large wooden desk, a strangely serious expression on his features. Immediately, Iruka realized that something was off - the atmosphere in there was way too heavy for a simple lecture on his teaching methods...

“Iruka-sensei,” the man greeted him severely, “Please take a seat.”

The chuunin bowed and sat down on the leather chair in front of the Principal’s desk, already feeling defensive. There was a long tense silence between the two men, Dokyugo-san staring at the brown-haired man sitting in front of him silently. Under the man’s intense gaze, Iruka was starting to feel slightly anxious: could he have severely messed up? What the hell was this about? After a while, the older man’s eyes went to the opened file laying on the desk in front of him.

“Iruka, you are one of the best teacher we have here at the academy,” the man said as he read the documents in front of him. “Your service record is faultless, your students perform well and your teaching methods are flawless. You truly are a good element for this academy.”

Silence ensued. It was strange; Dokyugo-san had just openly complimented him, yet he didn’t feel like the older man was complimenting him... Iruka didn’t like it.

“Please excuse my rudeness,” Iruka spoke up politely but firmly, “but I would like to know why you summoned me here.” There was a short silence.

“Recently, I have received several complaints of parents who requested to remove their children from your classes. They seemed to fear that the fact that their children were taught by... someone like you could have a bad influence on them. Some respectable Konoha residents even demanded your resignation.”

Iruka couldn’t believe his ears. People wanted him fired because they thought he was... gay? He knew that the heads of some important clans, or the “respectable Konoha residents”, like the Principal liked to call them, were quite finicky when it came to the education of their precious heirs, but this was going too far! He couldn’t envisage being the victim of such implausiblediscrimination! The chuunin didn’t know if he felt indignant, furious or simply disgusted by the whole situation. Definitely a bit of the three.

In front of the academy teacher’s silence, Dokyugo-san continued. “You must understand, Iruka-sensei, that this is a delicate situation. Those rumors about you caused already quite a disturbance through the village... We cannot afford to let this go on anymore. Fortunately, this problem can be easily solved if you cooperate.”

“And what do I have to do to solve this problem?” Iruka asked in his best calm and collected voice, hiding the irritation and hurt he felt at the Principal’s condescending tone.

“You have to stop seeing Hatake Kakashi and get married.”

...Say what? Getting married? Married! Just because some haughty parents didn’t want their children to be taught by a gay man?! Iruka couldn’t believe it; it felt almost surreal. Dokyugo-san couldn’t possibly be serious about it... But by the solemn look on his face, he wasn’t kidding. He seriously wanted him to marry!

“Of course, I am not an inconsiderate man, I can show some flexibility; if you were to find yourself a nice girlfriend, things could be solved pretty easily.”

There was no doubts; Iruka was fuming now.

“And what if I don’t want to?” the brown-haired man asked lightly, trying to remain impassive in front of the older man.

“If you don’t want to? You seem to have misunderstood me, Umino,” his superior warned him on a menacing tone. “It was not a request or a suggestion; it was an order. If you don’t comply to it...” the older man didn’t finish his sentence.

“If I don’t?” the chuunin pressed on calmly, anger already starting to boil in his veins.

“... I’m afraid your services won’t be needed anymore.”

“... So you’re going to fire me because of some stupid gossips?” Iruka finally said, incredulous.

“Let’s make it clear: it’s not about what you are or are not, it’s about what our students’ parents will think. Besides,” the man continued on a lighter tone, “ if you change your behaviour, there won’t be any need to go that far. You are a valuable employee; it would be a shame to loose you, and that’s why I took on me to allow you to keep your job here under these, I think, reasonable conditions. But don’t get full of yourself; you’re not irreplaceable either.”

That was the last straw. The academy teacher was overcome by indignant anger, disgusted at the man’s nerve. He got up and bent forward the man facing him, his hands resting on his superior’s desk. The man backed down a bit in his chair, obviously feeling intimidated by the cold anger the chuunin was radiating.

“With all due respect,” Iruka muttered between clenched teeth, his voice low and as cold as ice, “You have no right to interfere with my love life. I will never, ever, let anyone decide for me what I do in my private life and if you want to ‘replace me’, then go ahead.”

Without further ado, the chuunin turned on his heels and left the office hastily before the Principal could even answer back, slamming the door shut behind him violently. Fuming, he strode through the academy, teachers and students alike turning their heads toward him on his way, but he couldn’t care less. How dared he! How dared they? Iruka had never felt this insulted before! This was so ridiculous! To think that the Principal asked him to get married in order to keep his job at the academy! And he said it as if he was being generous with him! The bastard!

The chuunin stopped by his classroom, put away his homework in his suitcase and headed out - there was no way he’d stay at the academy after what just happened! Right then, everything about the academy disgusted him, made him sick. At any rate, he probably wouldn’t have been able to continue grading homework in that mood.

Iruka walked out of the academy and then rushed through Konoha’s narrow and busy streets, not minding where he went as long as it was far away from his workplace and that arrogant jerk. Adrenaline pumping in his veins, he ignored the weird stares people kept on giving an walked on quickly. When he reached the 4th district, he slowed down and took a few good breaths to cool off a bit. He needed to calm down a bit... After all, these bastards didn’t even deserve his anger...! They were just narrow-minded people who couldn’t care less about him, he shouldn’t get so upset over what such people could tell him. It didn’t matter. No, he shouldn’t care. They were just jerks.

But then, it truly hit him. He would get fired. He would probably losehis job at the academy. The chuunin felt strangely nauseous at the thought, he who had thought he would teach children for another 10 years - he even had secretly wished to be able to teach until he retired. But soon enough, he might find himself unemployed...! The prospect of not working at the academy anymore made his heart tighten painfully.

The chuunin frowned and shook his head resolutely. He loved his job. Really, he did. But there was no way he was going to let anyone decide what was good for him - especially if the only thing they were looking for was to please some spoiled narrow-minded brats. Whatever what would happen, Iruka was confident he had made the right choice by staying true to himself like he had. He had taken the best decision.

It wasn’t about Kakashi-sensei. It wasn’t about so-called homosexuality or was people could possibly think about it. It was about his pride.

Umino Iruka kept on walking, replaying in his head his discussion with the Principal, living over and over again anger, frustration, bitterness, humiliation and sadness. Somehow he couldn’t help but bitterly imagine what the discussions between those narrow-minded parents and the Principal had been like, those haughty people’s arrogance and condescendance making him feel indignation and disgust at the same time. The more he thought about, the more outraged he felt by the whole situation. It was just plain unfair. So unfair!

After a while, the brown-haired man shook his head and tried to think about something else than that horrible discussion, telling himself that brooding over was not only useless, but also quite unhealthy. The chuunin then anxiously juggled with his options and wondered what he was supposed to do now. Should he tell people about it? Should he openly deny those rumors? Confront the said parents? Somehow, those options didn’t appeal the academy teacher much. He didn’t want people to know - gossipers as well as people close to him, as few as they were. The thought of finding support or even bothering to fight against the Principal’s unfair decision felt wrong and he didn’t want to worry people for nothing about it. No, he decided suddenly, he wouldn’t fight it. He had his pride. If they decided to fire him in the end, he sure as hell wasn’t going to make a big deal out of it like they probably expected him to - he knew he would only get treated with arrogance again. No, Umino Iruka would have nothing of that. He would held his head high and would not show his weakness, no matter what happened. Yes, that’s what he was going to do.

After a while, Iruka came back to his senses and came to an halt. The chuunin had been so engrossed with what had just happened at the academy that he had left his feet lead as they pleased and he discovered with surprise he had crossed almost half of the village in his dazzle. Looking at his watch, the chuunin realized he was going to be late for his meeting with Naruto if he didn’t hurry up. Walking faster, the chuunin headed for the ramen stand, which was located on the other end of the village. He hoped he wouldn’t be too late. He didn’t want Naruto to start worrying... The teen had such a promising future awaiting for him and still had so many experiences to live, he didn’t need to lose time worrying himself sick over the problems of a grown-up man like himself.

As he walked, Iruka tried to stop thinking about what had just happened and clear his mind. After all, he didn’t want to let what had just happened show in his behavior, which would definitely alarm Naruto. But more importantly, the academy teacher didn’t want such a stupid thing ruin his evening with the blond boy. They met so rarely... It would have been a shame to ruin the little time they could spend together. They would have a good time tonight, he decided.

Anyway, just being with the teenager would probably cheer him up, and with what just took place at the academy, he somewhat needed it. The prospect of seeing the blond boy was already lifting some tension from his shoulders. He looked at his watch and realized he wouldn’t make it in time if he didn’t take a few short cuts. Jumping on the roof of the nearest building, the brown-haired man run on the roofs to win some time. He slowed down when he approached the ramen stand a few minutes later and joined discreetly the crowd busying itself on the street nearby. He could see from the distance that Naruto was already waiting for him by the bar, chatting cheerfully with the owner by the look of it. Sighing with relief, Iruka joined him.

“Hi Naruto!” he greeted the blond boy, smiling.

“Hey, Iruka-sensei!,” the teenager greeted him back with enthusiasm, “How are you doing?”

They started talking companionably about everything and nothing, commanded their meal and talked some more. Naruto just came back from a small C-ranked mission to a nearby village with the rest of his team and was telling him about some interesting things he saw during his short “journey”, as he liked to put it. Iruka relaxed, letting the blond teen’s words soothe him. The vibrant energy and enthusiasm of his ex-student made him smile fondly, like only the teen could make him smile.

“...And then, I sneaked inside, you know, just to see. But that idiot Sasuke just showed up and blew up everything!”

“More like saved your sorry ass, moron,” came a voice from behind them. Iruka didn’t even need to look around; he knew to whom that low, sarcastic voice belonged.

“Say what?” Naruto burst out indignantly. “Like I needed your help! I was fine on my own before mister the prodigy angst king Sasuke-teme showed up!”

“Yeah, right,” the raven-haired boy answered back, totally indifferent. “Good evening, Iruka-sensei.”

Turning around to greet the teenager, Iruka was shocked to discover Sasuke wasn’t alone. Along with him was Hatake Kakashi, his hands stuffed in his pockets in a nonchalant way. At the sight of the masked man, the chuunin felt something sink in him. That was just his luck... The Principal, and now this.

Iruka wished the Copy nin would just turn around and leave, or remember he had an old lady stuck in a tree to save, but the silver-haired man seemed to have no intention to leave. That made Iruka nervous. Damn. All the academy teacher wanted was to relax, forget about what he’s been told previously and have some quality time with his favorite ex-student. But somehow, something was telling him that it wouldn’t be the same with Hatake Kakashi hanging around him. But since the man seemed to be there to stay, Iruka fought the anxiousness building in him and decided to play it cool and not let the man’s presence affect him too much. After all, they were only eating at the same restaurant with their students, there was nothing to get sick over.

“Good evening Sasuke-kun, Kakashi-sensei,” the chuunin greeted them politely. Sasuke nodded faintly and the Copy nin simply waved at him, his right eye curving happily. Then the raven-haired teen sat down beside Naruto, on the seat right next to the wall. Kakashi seemed to freeze when he realized there was no place left beside the dark-haired teen; obviously, he had not planned to sit beside the chuunin. The silver-haired man hesitated a bit warily, but finally settled on the seat next to Iruka’s, much to the man’s mild mortification. Feeling uneasy, Iruka focused his attention to the blonde and tried not to think too much about the jounin’s presence, even though some part of him found his attitude a bit cruel now that he knew the man fancied him.

“What’s up with you? It’s so rare to see you around here; I thought ramen was not healthy enough for the great Uchiha Sasuke,” Naruto teased his team mate with a smirk.

“It was Kakashi-sensei’s pick, not mine,” the Uchiha heir replied dully. “I’d rather not come here, but I owed him a meal.”

“Yeah right,” was Naruto’s skeptical answer. But his skepticism was soon forgotten as his and Iruka’s orders arrived, Naruto happily digging in his large beef ramen bowl, eating it with obvious delight. Iruka smiled fondly at the teen’s enthusiasm and started eating his own chicken ramen bowl at a much slower pace. The waitress took Kakashi and Sasuke’s orders and went away.

“Oi dobe, don’t eat so fast,” the black-haired teenager said as he watched his friend and team mate wolfing down his meal, “You’re going to choke on it.”

“Shuh up, t’heme,” Naruto answered back between two mouthful of hot noodles.

“Tch. If you choke I’m letting you die here. It’ll look nice on your tombstone: killed by ramen noodles.”

“Swew ‘u Sashke.”

“Don’t waist your time on him Sasuke-kun,” Iruka commented with an amused smile. “With Naruto, this is a lost case.”

“Hey!” the blond teen swallowed difficulty his huge mouthful. “It’s not fair! I’m not that bad; I’m nowhere eating as fast as Kakash-sensei!”

“Maa, I’m not eating that fast,” the jounin replied mildly.

“WHAT!” the teen burst out, outraged.

Iruka chuckled at the scene, his two neighbors arguing together while he slowly ate his ramen bowl - well it was more like Naruto shouting at Kakashi while the older man dodged smoothly and with imagination his student’s accusations. Which only enraged even more the young man. Hearing Naruto bickering like that felt somewhat nice because it was reassuring: it reminded the chuunin that nothing had changed in this small aspect of his life, a thought he needed to hang on to when everything else was slowly falling apart. He knew that whatever happened, he could always count on Naruto to be the same boisterous and stubborn blond hurricane he was and the chuunin was grateful for that. That thought made Iruka smile; who would have thought he would come to think fondly of Naruto’s burst outs back when he used to teach him? Life sure was ironical...

After a few minutes of hearing constantly Naruto’s loud taunts, Sasuke told the blonde to shut up and Naruto directed his insults to his raven-haired team mate instead. Both boys started bickering together, throwing insults at each other in a familiar way. The chuunin smiled into his noodles as he listened fondly to their small quarrel; even though they had both gained maturity and became friends over the years, Naruto and Sasuke still fought and argued over the silliest things as they used to when they were twelve. People had gotten used to see them argue wherever they went and didn’t even give it a second look. They really had a strange relationship; Iruka suspected them to secretly enjoy their frequent quarrels.

Soon after that, Kakashi and Sasuke’s orders were served and both men tucked in. For a few peaceful minutes, they all ate in companionable silence. Even though he could feel Kakashi’s presence on his left, Iruka found himself relaxing a bit. After a while, the blond teenager started chatting with him about the weather, then Sasuke once again ravished Naruto’s attention with a well-placed insult and both boys started bickering again. The two grown-ups soon listened to the young men’s bickering for a moment, but after a while Iruka couldn’t help but feel self-conscious of the closeness between his and the famous jounin. They found themselves staring at their empty ramen bowls in an awkward silence, not knowing exactly if they were supposed to talk to each other or not. The whole situation made Iruka feel uneasy and a bit nervous, his heart caught in his throat. The silver-haired man seemed relaxed, a bit tired even, but the tension in his shoulders gave him away: he was nervous. They were both nervous. In fact, Kakashi-sensei was probably feeling more nervous than him, if those things the gossipers in the bathhouse had said were true. That thought reassured him a bit, no matter how silly it was. Stealing a hesitant glance at the silver-haired man, Iruka noticed that the jounin even seemed to be a bit... shy? Was that a blush? It was hard to tell with that mask covering most of his face... The idea of Hatake Kakashi being shy was a strange one, but in this kind of context, Iruka found that idea both cute and intimidating somehow. Or maybe he was just imagining the blush after all... Then, Iruka realized he had been openly staring at the jounin for over a minute and looked away, embarrassed.

Oh God, he was feeling like some twelve year old boy during his first romantic date with a girl. This was ridiculous, really.

“Hum, so...” Iruka started off after a while to break the unbearable silence. “Are the kids progressing well?”

The jounin beside him nodded shortly. “They soon will be able to stand on their own feet.”

Iruka chuckled at the faint nostalgia in the man’s voice. “I know how you feel. It’s always weird for me to see those brats who I taught what was chakra and how to hold a kunai graduating from the academy and becoming genins.” The Sharigan user turned his head around and gave Iruka an unreadable look. Under the man’s intense gaze, the chuunin felt a low blush rise on his tanned cheeks. Rubbing his neck, Iruka laughed a bit nervously. “Imagine how I feel when I see those same brats about to become jounins!”

At those words, Kakashi’s eye glintered with amusement.

“Jounins or not, I don’t think those brats you used to teach have changed much.”

The two teachers turned around and stared at the teens, who were arguing over what was the fastest route to walk to the mission room.

“Dobe, the 5th avenue’ll slow you down; it’s crowded most of the time.”

“So what? It’s mostly free during the night!”

“It has to be the shortest way all the time, not only after 9 o’clock, moron.”

“Shut up, bastard! Like using all those unnecessary detours and small streets is going to get you there faster - Iruka-sensei? Kakashi-sensei? Hey, why are you laughing?”

--

They ended up talking together for half an hour. They were both a bit nervous of course, but things went well - having Naruto and Sasuke insulting each other right beside them had a soothing effect on Iruka and Kakashi-sensei probably felt that way too.

At first they uneasily did some small talk - the weather is horrible, how was your last mission, etc. After a while, Kakashi got more confident and they started talking about literature. Iruka was surprised to discover the Copy nin did not only read his infamous orange book; the jounin recommended him some interesting-looking books. He even, a bit shyly, offered him to lent him some of them.

Iruka couldn’t recall how, but they ended up talking about life and, for a second time, the chuunin was surprised to discover the older man had an unexpected depth in his thought process. He had always thought the jounin was a strategical and cool-headed person, yet the man had proved him that night that there was also an human side to him. He might have misjudged him... Obviously, there was more to Hatake Kakashi than what he let on. Read ‘underneath the underneath’, like he said...

That was what Iruka was thinking about as he soaked into the hotspring bath. The hot water felt nice against his bare skin and the brown-haired man allowed himself to relax into the warmth. His eyes closed, he mused about the silver-haired man. Now that he thought about it, it was the first time he had a real discussion with the jounin. Of course, he had already talked with him, but their short and erratic discussions had been mostly one-sided, the silver-haired man never talking much or fleeing away when he was expected to give a substantial answer. But it appeared Kakashi-sensei actually had some interesting things to say... when he was not too nervous around him to say them. The poor chap. When you actually watched him carefully, it was obvious that the man was feeling intimidated when he was with him. To think that he, a mere average-looking chuunin, could have that kind of effect on the great Sharigan Hatake Kakashi... It felt so strange. It left him with an hesitant feeling he couldn’t quite describe properly. A mix of warmth and incredulity, he guessed...

He wondered if the man had heard about the rumor. He probably had by now; every inhabitant of Konoha seemed to be only talking about it for over a week. Maybe that was why he had been so surprisingly talkative at the restaurant... That thought made the chuunin feel suddenly uneasy; what if he gave the jounin false hopes? But then again, Iruka reminded himself that the fact that his two students were with him probably helped him to keep his cool too. Yes, that made sense.

Sasuke and Naruto... A faint laugh escaped his lips. He remembered how both teens had argued all the time during the evening, exactly like they used to when they were twelve, as if nothing had changed. But when he thought about it, Iruka realized one thing had changed about their little quarrels: it was always Sasuke who provoked the blond man now, unlike it used to be years ago. Back then, Naruto was seeking for acknowledgement while the brunette boy wanted to be left alone, wishing to depend only on himself. So Naruto kept on provoking loudly his team mate and rival over the silliest things to get his attention, much to everyone’s annoyance. But as the years passed, Sasuke slowly opened his heart and was now looking for a support, even though he still liked to play hard to get and remain distant. It was somewhat cute to see Sasuke sparking off Naruto all the time like that in the same way the blond teen used to provoke him when they were twelve. And of course, it was a relief to know the raven-haired boy had finally decided to open up a bit and learned to trust and depend on others.

At some point, Iruka wondered if Sasuke’s need for the ramen lover’s attention was not induced by more than just the friendly feelings he held toward Naruto... It was a thought the academy teacher had been juggling with for quite some time, but it was the first time he seriously thought about it. What if Sasuke was interested in his team mate in more than just a friendly way...? It was not impossible; they were, afterall, only sixteen - that is to say, growing teens still trying to adjust themselves to new realities and possibilities... As far as he knew, Sasuke could be not even aware of how he truly felt for the Kyuubi holder. If he loved him, that is. It was still only a possibility.

Hmm... The brown-haired man wondered if his favorite ex-pupil could possibly return the raven-haired teen’s feelings. He knew that Naruto used to have a crush on his team mate Sakura, but that was back when he was still a genin. Boys at that age often had crushes like that, it didn’t necessarily mean the teen could not develop an interest for men... Man, was he really analyzing Naruto’s chances to be gay? Iruka rubbed his eyes with his hands, trying to chase away that idea. Not that he minded if Naruto was gay; he loved the little tornado like the son he never had and would always support him in his life choices, whatever what happened. He only wished for the boy’s happiness. But analyzing so coldly Naruto’s sexual preferences was just... wrong.

... Besides, Naruto had to go through such difficult ordeals in his short life... Of course, Iruka would be glad if the teen found his special person in Sasuke. He would be the first one to encourage him in that way if it was the way he truly felt. But he couldn’t help but feel a bit sorrowful at the thought that Naruto might have to undergo even more pain because of his sexual orientation. And he surely would if he started dating the most popular and marriageable young man of the whole village. No doubts about it. Iruka could only wish Naruto would not have to go through what he had to go through with that rumor affair. And he was being optimistic, because Sasuke’s fans were much more violent and vicious than those gossipers...!

That chain of thoughts brought Iruka to muse once again about the silver-haired jounin. He wondered tiredly if Kakashi’s fans - because he was sure the man had some - would react violently if they openly started dating... The chuunin inwardly snorted; since when had he even started envisaging the possibility of going out with the Copy nin to start with? Now that he thought about it, he never seriously considered dating the man before... He was way too freaked out by the whole situation to bring himself to analyze his possibilities. But now that time had passed - and now that he realized the jounin would not bite him or jump on him if he talked to him - the thought of the Sharigan user being in love with him didn’t shock him anymore.

Did it mean he liked the jounin back? Not necessarily. He didn’t even know if he liked men that way to start with... Normally people had those kind of reflexions around thirteen, when their hormones started to go wild. But back then, Iruka was still shocked by the loss of his parents and looking for any kind of support and somehow, he skipped that part of his natural development. So he never actually took the time to think about his preferences. But of course, he liked girls.

... Did he? Since he never really thought about it before, maybe he just assumed he liked girls like most other males did. Afterall, he’s never had a girlfriend before – but of course, that didn’t mean he was automatically gay. Of course not.

Iruka sighed. Thinking about sex somewhat depressed him. It reminded him of his... lack of experience in that field. It was not that he had never wanted to have sex – he wasn’t a puritan of something. But Iruka had always seen sex as something very intimate. So naturally, one-night stands never quite appealed him. He didn’t like to force things. He had a few small dates back in his youth, but it was never quite serious; most of the time, he was forced by his friends to have double dates because their girlfriends thought ‘it would be fun’. Iruka grimaced at the memory.

Of course, if he had wanted to get laid he could have started searching for a girlfriend more seriously, like many other single nins of his age did – start hanging at the local bar on Friday nights, flirt with strangers and subscribe to one of those popular meeting agencies. But once again, he didn’t want to force things. Maybe it was utopian or hopelessly romantic, but the chuunin believed that looking for his significant one was useless and that one day, he’d meet the right person.

... That, and he was hopeless at flirting. When he approached someone, he started to feel uneasy, like he was about to say something morally disturbing or something. And then he got nervous and started stuttering and stumbled on his words. Really it was not his kind of thing – it felt so unnatural, so forced. And so humiliating.

But as years passed by, the brown-haired man grew less and less optimist about his chances of ever finding love. He had already gotten used to the idea of remaining single for the rest of his life. As for his sex life... he had also gotten used to the idea of remaining... experience-less. Plus, at his age... he knew it was stupid of him to think that way, but he couldn’t help thinking that he was starting to get a bit old to... well, gain some experience. He was 28, afterall... At that age, normal people were married and had children already, yet he never even had sex! He never even kissed someone...!

To say the truth, it made sex a lot less appealing, not to say mildly frightening. Oh, he was not afraid of his sexuality, but... the possibility of having sex with someone made him feel a bit anxious. And that made the whole thing even more ridiculous; what would he say to his poor girlfriend after a few weeks of dating? “Sorry but I’d rather wait a bit more since I’ve never had sex before and it kinda scares me.” Yeah right... He knew he was a pathetic case, but he hoped he’d never reach the bottom like that.

Iruka sighed, his chain of thoughts getting him slightly depressed. The brown-haired man let himself sink deeper into the hot water, relaxing into the warmth. At some point, his sleepy mind wondered how it would actually be to do it with someone... Skin against skin...

Would he be able to do it with a man? To be attracted or even aroused by a male body...? How would it feel to hold a man. How would it feel to be held by a man?

How would it feel to have wide, strong masculine hands roaming on his naked skin, caressing him, touching places nobody else had ever touched before...?

...Kakashi’s hands...?

Iruka felt a blush slowly rise to his tanned cheeks at the disturbing mental images that his sleepy mind had just come up with. Having such thoughts left him embarrassed, a bit shameful, slightly anxious and nauseous. But somehow he also felt a bit aroused by the thoughts.

... Well, he got his answer in the end. He guessed.


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To be continued