Broke Straight Guys

Broke Straight Guys

Hello there, people. Hope you enjoy this next chapter.

0o0

Shooting for a Home Run

0o0

Was it so hard for people to mind their own business? Obviously it was, because this damnable three-way call was inescapable. Technically he could make a graceless exit, but then they would call him right back and yell at him for hanging up until he was deaf in the ear. There was always the 'I'm going through a tunnel' excuse, but he doubted he could pull that off due to the minor fact that this was his landline. Days like this made him wish that he'd never given them his phone number. Really, he loved the girls to pieces, but they couldn't stay out of his affairs for more than ten seconds. Did they not have their own lives to attend to? Could a man not keep a few things to himself?

Given that one of his ladyfriends could kill him with her bare hands and the other had enough dirt on him to permanently drive him into a hermitic lifestyle, no.

"Are you for real? You're going on a date with a black guy?"

"For the millionth time, yes!"

If they asked that one more time, he was going to snap. Go on a straight-up homicidal rampage. Alibis would have to be made. Explanations that he had been in bed sleeping like a baby while his two closest friends were brutally axed to death would be given to the police. Disposing of the weapon could be a pain, though. There always seemed to be that one stupid, paranoid person who was watching outside, saying 'Yes, I did see someone suspicious at the bridge last week, he was gay and had red hair and drove a really fruity yellow Volkswagen Beetle. I think I know where he lives, while we're at it. Are you writing this down, officer?' He'd have to get rid of his clothes too. Burn them, he guessed. Seemed like the most thorough way to clean up the last loose ends. And if they found out the truth, then hey, at least he might get a nice prison boyfriend while he served two life sentences. Preferably one who could protect him when it was shower time. He made a mental note to invest in soap on a rope.

"No need to get snippy," Matsuri chided. "Hey, does he have a big—"

"Matsuri!" Gaara growled, heat flooding his face. Sometimes she could be so vulgar. It was hard to believe they had dated. They were so… unalike.

"What? I was going to say heart."

"No, you weren't." Tenten giggled and Gaara's aggravation only multiplied.

"I'm hanging up."

"No! We'll cut it out, promise!"

"Don't hang up!"

"Why are we even talking?" To be honest, he rather thought that this conversation was diving into the realms of stupidity. "I've told you everything there is to know."

Tenten seemed to think otherwise. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

"How far are you gonna let him get? A full run around the diamond?"

"God, no! He'll think I'm a huge slut!" That was one thing he was sure about. No more random hook-ups, period. Especially if the person in question was a potential life partner.

"Heavy petting?"

"I don't even kiss on the first date!"

"You're such a square, Gaara. Nothing but right angles. No wonder you haven't had a boyfriend in forever. You gotta have him wanting more, make him want you!"

Gaara rolled his eyes. "If that's so, then what's your plan for you and Naruto?"

"Depends on how nice he is. If he's as good as you say, then I might just have to follow him back to his place. Rawr."

"No. No rawr."

"What, jealous?" Tenten teased. "Methinks you've still got a crush on him, Gar."

Matsuri chuckled. "She does make a good point, you know."

"For starters, how am I going to look if I recommend you to him and you act like a total whore?"

"I resent that statement, Gar."

"He's warm for Blondie's form."

"I'm getting over it! It wasn't that huge of a thing anyway. He was cute, so what? Besides, I want things to go good with Killerbee."

"Couldn't you have at least picked up someone who has a name that isn't so weird?"

Gaara hung up immediately. Matsuri and Tenten could be such juveniles. They called him back as soon as they realized his line had gone dead.

"What was that for?" they demanded in unison.

"You're not taking me seriously. I haven't been on a date in nearly a year and I'm worried that I'll screw up."

"Then we'll make it a double date," Tenten proposed.

"I'm dubious about that suggestion."

"When hasn't a double date been a good idea?"

"The better question is 'when has a double date been a good idea?'"

"He's got you there, Tenny."

"Butt out of this for tonight, 'kay, Matsuri? I need a little one-on-one with Gar."

"Sure thing. Night."

Both parties waited until they were certain that the other girl was off before resuming.

"It's easier to break the ice that way. More people to talk to."

"I don't know…"

"What, scared I'll embarrass you?"

"Exactly." He was almost surprised how quickly she'd hit the nail on the head.

"I'm disappointed in your lack of faith in me. I would never do that to you."

"Remember the first time you met Sai?"

"No."

"Of course not. You only said that I love chick flicks and that I watch 'The Notebook' every night and cry myself to sleep afterwards." God, that had been a humiliating evening.

"It was a joke!"

So she did remember. "Joke or not, Sai took it seriously. He searched my entire apartment because he wanted to see what was so great about it."

"That's not that bad."

"He stole four pairs of my underwear."

"…I take back what I said before."

"Yeah."

"How about I buy you some more for your birthday and make it up to you?"

"Whatever."

"So… Double date?"

"Yeah, sure." No sense in fighting it. She would win eventually.

"Cool. See you on Wednesday—wait, what are you going to wear?"

Gaara hung up for a second and final time.

I0I0I0I0I

Consulting Tenten on his wardrobe may have been the smarter choice, because now he was in the middle of a clothing crisis. What style did Killerbee like? What colors should he wear? No red, it would clash with his hair and imply that his idea of a good time leant towards the more devious side of the spectrum. Green was too obvious. Blue? Maybe. Twice he had gone through his entire closet. Nix nought none. Not a single thing he was confident in wearing on his first real date in ages. Time to do it again.

Winter clothes would be a bit too much, though the colder months were fast approaching, and he cast them off to the side. Nothing overly casual would do. Polos were pompous and a button-up was too tempting to unbutton. He tossed things of interest on his bed, making split-second decisions while the plastic hangers clacked loudly. How could he have absolutely nothing suitable for a date? He was on the verge of a nervous breakdown when he saw it. A nice little burgundy jacket that fell about to mid-thigh with a matching belt that went comfortably around his waist. It had been a birthday gift from his sister last year. Surprisingly, she had managed to get him something good for once. Things were finally starting to go his way.

Cleaning up was a snap and by the time the impatient cabbie Tenten had summoned for them was laying heavy on the horn, he was floating out the door fresh and happy as a spring breeze.

"You look good," Tenten remarked as he buckled himself in. "That new?"

"No, I've never worn it until today. You don't think it's too much for a movie?"

"God, no. Theaters get ridiculously cold. And if it's not enough, there's always the option of cuddling up with him."

Gaara blushed at the thought. First dates made him extremely nervous and being forward did anything but ease his tension. "I don't know. Suggestions?"

"Other than the old standby of 'be yourself?' Don't be a cocktease."

"Changing your tune, are you? What happened to 'you have to make them want you'?"

"Well, you do. Balance it all out. Once you get him aching for you, you're good as gold. Don't work him up too much, though. Blowing up prematurely will be the end."

"I feel sorry for Naruto. You're going to eat him alive."

Sometimes Tenten liked to end her dates with a grand finale. Naturally she shared the stories of her conquests with her two best friends, despite the fact that one of them didn't care to hear them down to the very last nightmare-inducing detail. Listening to her boast of riding Naruto like a raging bull was the first thing on his list of activities that were enjoyable as getting teeth pulled.

"Lighten up, Gar. Focus on having a good time and let some inhibitions go. Life's a party. I'd hate to be the one who let you miss out."

Gaara considered this analogy and prayed that the punch hadn't been spiked.

I0I0I0I0I

The cab ride between the other half of the party followed a similar nature. Sort of.

"Think you'll get her in the sack?"

"How long have you been gay?"

"Since I graduated high school. Her name is Tenten, right?"

"How come I didn't notice it?"

"You obviously want to talk about this." Killerbee sighed, looking out at the city lights. His mother had had the same reaction. "And I still enjoy women, I simply prefer men."

"But you're—"

"No."

"And Gaara is—"

"It's not a one-size fit all thing."

"…Why?"

"No one will ever understand you as much as someone of your own gender. Trying to explain the way you are to someone who isn't is like describing colors to the blind. They can try, but they won't really get it. But I know that a guy can emphasize with me completely. For me, men have provided some of the most intimate, passionate relationships I've ever had. Pleasing them is easier too. We're not so complicated in that department." He smiled mischievously.

"That makes a freakish amount of sense. Keep talking like that and you could almost convince me that kissing dudes isn't so bad." Keyword: almost.

"Wasn't trying to, but whatever. Do what makes you happiest, so long as it's within legal boundaries."

"Man, you're calm. You've really got things figured out, don't you?"

"I wouldn't say that."

I0I0I0I0I

They all made it to the Galaxy Theater roughly at the same time, the vehicle that had been transporting Gaara and Tenten arriving on scene later than they had originally planned. The men didn't seem to mind, they were focused on a game of pinball. Naruto was hunched over the machine, peering intently at the world beneath the glass. Fingers fluttered wildly at the buttons, the flippers matching his erratic pace. Sweat dripped from his brow and his body pressed harder against the machine, his jeans seeking to meld with it. Blue danced after the shiny silver ball, tracking its route with eagle-eyed keenness. Killerbee was at his side in silent support, watching the points rack up. Naruto rocked his hips, thrusting his groin to make the machine shake to avoid a disastrous end.

Tenten gave Gaara a smile that could only be called obscene, aura shining in sheer delight. "Bet you wish you could trade places with that machine, don't cha?"

"Shut up, you." Gaara kicked her.

"I guess that I'm the lucky girl tonight. I hope he's got a party in his pants, because I'm inviting myself whether he likes it or not."

"Don't be gross, Tenten."

"I could videotape it for you."

"No! You're such a freak!"

"Why, thank you! I was wondering when you'd catch on."

"I don't even know why we're friends."

"You know you love me."

"Let's get this over with."

Gaara strode forward, eyes on his prize. Killerbee was the first to notice them, Naruto lost in his game.

"Hello again, Gaara. I presume that you're Tenten?" He offered his hand to her and she took it exuberantly.

"You're tall. I bet if I climbed on your back, I could see my apartment."

"Thanks."

"Does that guy have a pink afro?" Gaara pointed towards the concession stand and when Killerbee turned to look, he swiftly kicked Tenten in the leg again and hissed, "Talk to your own damn date."

"Sheesh, I was just saying hi. No need to get all bitchy about it, Gar."

Killerbee craned his neck, searching for the mystical relic of decades past. "I don't see him. He must have left."

"Yeah, that's too bad." Gaara gave Tenten one final warning look before Killerbee turned around. "Ready to see the movie?"

"Yeah, let me get him." Killerbee tapped Naruto. "C'mon, they're here."

"Buh." Naruto grunted, mouth agape and expression vacant.

"We have to pick a movie."

"Buh."

Knowing that this could go on all night if she let them, Tenten remedied the situation by leaning in silently and giving him a sharp pinch on the butt. He jumped with a howl, hands flying to the assaulted appendage. The ball plunged to its doom and the game ended.

"What the hell, man?"

"Gaara did it." Tenten pointed to her redheaded friend, passing the blame like a pro.

"What?" He most certainly did not have the guts to pinch a straight man on the ass, let alone one that could punch him into the stratosphere!

"Dude, not cool. I was kickin' ass."

"I didn't—"

"You got the high score. Nice." Tenten beamed at her date.

"Seriously? Oh, awesome." Naruto entered the initials 'N' 'U' 'N' to stake his claim to fame. "Another successful conquest by the Pinball Wizard. Back home, I had the top three scores on every machine in the arcade."

"Cool. What's with the initials? Nun? Like 'The Flying Nun'?"

"Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze. I was a bastard child. Both of my parents gave me their last names on the birth certificate."

"Is that so? Gaara knows a little something about that, don't ya? His old man got his mom preggers, so they ended up getting married." Who'd've thought the two had something in common besides their gender?

"Tenten!"

"Oops. Looks like I've gone and put my foot in my mouth again." Tenten gave Gaara an apologetic look.

"Can we have a minute?"

"Sure, whatever. We'll grab the tickets." Naruto was ready to amscray. There was no pleasure to be gained by watching two people argue.

Gaara glowered at Tenten. Truly glowered. He'd read the word in books before, but he'd never actually done it until this exact moment. "Really? You're starting things off with my family history?"

"It slipped out. I won't do it again, I swear."

"Try not to."

Tenten didn't have much of a chance to spill the beans anyway, they were soon in the theater and viewing the flick that had been chosen. It was an adaptation of some horror novella and Gaara wasn't particularly enjoying it. The director had decided to be liberal with the gore and Gaara felt ill watching the gallons of fake blood spattering across the screen. He'd take Audrey Hepburn in The Children's Hour over this any day of the week. On the other hand, Naruto and Tenten were having a ball, cheering whenever a fresh wave of the crimson elixir hit the ground, laughing and cheering on the monster wholeheartedly. Gaara couldn't tell whose side Killerbee was on, but he wanted to go home badly.

Dignity long tossed to the winds, he had buried his face into his date's arm so he wouldn't have to watch the onscreen horrors, though listening was nearly worse. Alternating between the two evils was the only way he could stomach it, snatching a gruesome peek now and again when the noises proved to be too frightening.

"Hey."

Gaara cracked one eye up at his date.

"Let's get out of here."

Nodding numbly, Gaara rose alongside Killerbee and squeezed their way through the narrow aisle, whispering hurried apologies to the patrons whose movie experience they were interrupting. The other half of their group didn't register their departure, joyous at another kill.

Outside was marvelous, polluted though the air may be.

"Thanks for getting me out of there. I'm not squeamish or anything, but fake blood really gets to me. It seems so unnecessary." This was true. He had no problem dissecting frogs and rats in his biology classes—though most of those had already had their blood removed—but he couldn't stand horror movies at all.

"Trust me, I feel the same. Want to grab a bite?"

"Yeah."

"Hotdog?" Killerbee gestured toward the stand down the street.

"No, I'm not a fan of processed meat."

"Good. I don't eat pork anyway. Raised Muslim. I might not be practicing anymore, but I still can't bring myself to eat it. I've got this fear that I'll burn up from the inside out if I do." He laughed dismissively. "It's silly."

"Well, you're not missing much. Pork is overrated in my opinion."

"I like you, Gaara." Killerbee smiled. "Where do you want to eat?"

"Sushi is good." Expensive, yes. But he could get full on less than what normal people did, so it would be cheaper to do this rather than order a restaurant-sized meal for twice as much.

"I know a good little place on 107th. Feel like a walk?"

"Absolutely."

The night was good, a few stars not subdued by the city lights twinkling in the sky. They strolled beside one another casually, keeping a safe distance between them to fight temptation. Gaara's morale increased with each step they took, attraction solidifying in his brain. He would have to be crazy to pass up a great guy like this. Follow-up dates may be in order. The restaurant was small, only a bar surrounding the revolving conveyor belt that the two chefs steadily piled food onto. The price system was simple, as the sign hanging above them pointed out. Items on red plates cost one dollar, blue a dollar fifty. They took their seat, glancing briefly at a menu before unanimously deciding that they should grab whatever looked good. Gaara started out with salmon roe and striped bass, Killerbee opting for octopus and king crab.

"You actually like octopus?" Gaara couldn't stifle his astonishment.

"Yeah."

"It's not too chewy or rubbery for you?"

"No." Killerbee pilfered a pair of cheap disposable chopsticks offered to the customers and deftly raised the cold slice to his mouth, chewing on it thoughtfully. "I like octopuses. They're interesting. Intelligent and strong, always changing their shape and color. I think they're like people, only we just don't realize it because we can't see past the tentacles. Cuttlefish are the most interesting in that family, though. You should see them in action."

"I never pegged you as a fish guy." Gaara scooped a bit of the bright red eggs into his mouth, relishing them as they popped satisfyingly under his teeth in short, briny bursts. "More of a big dog lover."

"I hate to sound pretentious, but octopuses and cuttlefish and squids aren't fish. They're cephalopods. Completely different."

"I see." Well, that was a surprise. There was a brain under all that brawn.

Killerbee smiled sheepishly. "I have a bachelor's in marine biology. Going for my master's now. Sorry if you were expecting someone who was less of a…"

"Nerd? That's okay." Gaara leaned in, sly as could be, resting his hand on his date's knee. "I think it's kind of cute. I like a man in glasses."

Killerbee blushed darkly and turned his head away, clearing his throat repeatedly. So Tenten's advice had some merit. Listening to her might not be so bad once in a while.

"How's the sushi?" the artificial blonde quickly changed the subject from himself.

"Good. How does a city guy become a marine biologist?"

"My parents would always drop me off at a pet store or a zoo whenever I got too restless. Something never ceased to intrigue me about the fish. The way they flickered when the light caught them right, the strange colors and patterns they had, I found it fascinating. I bought books on fish, watched television programs that featured them, anything that had to do with sea life, I wanted it. Eventually I ended up with a twenty gallon saltwater tank in my bedroom. Maman hated the smell. She complained about it day and night, said that I should be studying my Koran like a good boy."

"How big is a twenty gallon tank?"

Killerbee spread his arms to roughly show the distance. "Not that bad, right?"

"I think I'd have to agree with your mother. That's a lot of fish."

"Not solely fish. Anemones and shrimp and sponges too. Whatever caught my fancy at the time, I put in the tank. But my brother and I went to visit our uncle for our spring break senior year and when I came home, Maman told me that she had flushed all my fish and the tank was on the curb. It killed me. I worked a pizzeria to get the money to pay for my whole setup and she threw it away like it was nothing. Do you know how much a clownfish costs?"

"A lot?"

"Considering that you only get a single small fish, yes. Now imagine that times a hundred. After that, Maman let me keep a beta, but that was it. One sad little fish that turns circles in a vase and makes bubble nests for a mate he'll never have."

"Why not buy him a female?"

"Betas are unpredictable. They can become quite violent. Mostly it's when two males are together, but they don't really discriminate. Maman actually gave me a pair, but one of them killed the other as soon as they found each other. She got mad at me, of course." He winced slightly. "My relationship with my family isn't the best, if you couldn't tell by now. It doesn't help that Karui intends to pester me till the day the sky cracks open and fire rains down until I go home with her and Rai."

"Sisters can be such a pain," Gaara agreed, taking another plate off the conveyor belt.

"You have one?"

"Older. From my dad's first marriage. It lasted a good thirteen months before she dumped Temari with dad and headed straight to Vegas. I guess it's ironic because that's where they got married." As an afterthought he added, "Showgirl, in case you were wondering."

"Ah, Vegas. I'm sure it's a lovely place, but I have no desire to visit it."

"Amen to that. The sun's always on your back and the desert is reclaiming its territory faster than you can say 'Sigfried and Roy'."

"I'd like to go to the Caribbean. Or maybe Australia. They've got lovely reefs."

Gaara stacked his three empty plates and laid down the money. "Do I get to come with?"

"If you're nice to me, I'll consider it."

"Mind if I walk you home?"

"I'd like that very much, Gaara."

I0I0I0I0I

Tenten and Naruto only became aware of their companions' departure as they exited the theater, still giddy after the splatterfest had ended. Both shrugged it off and decided to forego the obvious choice of a dinner, heading for Naruto's place instead. Sasuke was dead asleep when they came in, passed out on the couch with a PS3 controller making a deep red impression in the side of his face. Naruto removed it as delicately as he could, not wishing to wake his roommate. When Sasuke got woken up against his will, he tended to be in a murderous mood.

Naruto and his date made their way back to the bedroom, slipping out of their clothes as they went, meeting on the sheets without a single word. Neither were big on foreplay, so after a bit of heated kissing they went straight to the main event. It was good. Better than good, actually. Fantastic.

Eventually Sasuke managed to muster up enough energy to drag himself off the couch and toss a vase at the boinking blonde's head for making too much noise, but it missed and Naruto disregarded it totally. He was the Energizer bunny.

He just kept going and going and going…

I0I0I0I0I

Gaara felt nervous sweat beading on his back. What if this friendly escort service was taken the wrong way by his date? Killerbee hadn't done anything to indicate that he should be wary, talking about fish and getting another tattoo with Naruto sometime soon, but he could be playing it cool. Biding his time until they were at the door. Despite his apprehension, he found himself following Killerbee into the hotel he was staying at while his apartment building was being fumigated. Even as the man called the elevator, he was by his side. They entered together. The door closed with a pleasant ding. No going back now.

"Tonight was fun, Gaara. We should do it again."

Gaara licked his lips. They felt desperately dry. "Yeah."

Between them was a gap of only a foot or so. Killerbee took a step forward, closing some of the distance. Gaara could smell his aftershave, strong and bold mixed with the sushi scent and his natural musk. Killerbee's eyes were filled to the brink with longing, seeking permission to complete the night. Gaara bridged the difference completely, allowing his lithe body to brush against the powerful man before him. He looked up, uncertain of what would happen next.

Cupping Gaara's cheeks in his hands, Killerbee bent down and kissed him deeply, glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose to bump his date's. Angling his head so that the biologist could have the best access to him, Gaara sighed as Killerbee's arms found their way to his waist, drawing him closer. Warmth radiated from their bodies, mingling as Gaara twined his own arms around Killerbee's neck, wanting to laugh as the beard and moustache combo tickled his chin and cheeks. Self-consciousness faded like everything else and when the elevator stopped on the designated floor, Killerbee groped at the panel and gave it a new destination without breaking the kiss.

Sucking in occasional breaths through his nose was good and well, but Gaara found his body couldn't take much more of it after an unnumbered amount of minutes and fifteen random floor changes. They broke apart, panting lightly, faces flushed and lips kiss-bruised. Once more they were at Killerbee's floor. Gaara could feel the man's arousal beginning to stir. He took a step back, straightening the burgundy jacket.

"Call me."

"I intend to."

Killerbee gave him a final parting kiss, short and sweet, letting the elevator door close behind him as he went to his room. Gaara felt flustered the entire way down. He had just made out with a man in an elevator where anyone could have found them. Something totally unlike himself.

Seems that he could kiss on the first date after all.

0o0

Well, the chapter was kinda on time and that's what counts! Hope you enjoyed it.

And I think I mentioned this to a couple of you in replies, but Killerbee isn't Killerbee's real name. No sane person would name their child that. If Gaara has another encounter with Karui or meets Killerbee's roommate, then you'll find out what it is then.

P.S. If you've got some time to kill, you can try and guess who Bee's roommate is. First guess is the one that counts and if you can figure out who his roommate is or what he majors in, then you can have the next chapter dedicated to you. Here's a hint: he's a scientist too, but he doesn't deal with nonliving things. And another: He hasn't shown up or been mentioned in the fic so far.

Until next time…

~YamiTenshi~