Altering Affection

The alarm went off at five a.m. the next morning. Lee smacked the nightstand in his sleep, flailing, and realized the offending noise wasn’t coming from that direction. Sitting up like the main character in a zombie movie, Lee squinted and looked around the room. Grunting, he threw the covers back and stood, his eyes still at half-mast.

The alarm was under the bed, and Lee was more-or-less awake by the time he found and silenced the annoying thing. He hid the alarm in a rotation of places throughout the week. Lee wasn’t his best first thing in the morning.

Lee gracefully fell forward onto his hands and did his usual push-ups. Then he lifted himself into a handstand and rolled down to do his crunches. He finished the routine with extra squats and then began the search for clean running clothes.

It wasn’t until Lee yanked a white t-shirt out of the dresser with the Green Dojo logo emblazoned on its back that the events from the previous night shocked through him like an electric current. Lee’s eyes went wide.

Gai-sensei in near-darkness sweating and moaning…the way his pants looked bunched around his thighs – like Gai-sense was in too much of a hurry to remove them entirely. The way his hips rolled as he worked himself. The vague outline of Gai-sensei’s cock. The sound he made when he finally…

Lee shuddered and fell down onto the edge of the bed. He cradled his head in his hands and mentally thrashed himself for his disrespect. What Lee did last night was wrong…standing in that doorway, coming just before his sensei made that noise and…

Lee needed to put that sound and image out of his mind immediately or he’d have a heart attack.

Rubbing absently at his sore thumb, Lee’s mind whirled. What was he going to do? He was 99% sure that Gai-sensei didn’t know Lee…might have witnessed something private. However, Lee was supposed to go to the dojo today to help teach a class.

So there was the little problem about how Lee was going to look Gai-sensei in the eye without blushing, stammering, or blurting out his shocking confession.

“I spied on you, Sensei, and I loved it. I loved it so much that I stood in your doorway and masturbated.”

Sadly, Lee could actually picture himself saying just that…and he could just as easily picture the look on Gai-sensei’s face.

It wasn’t a happy expression.

Lee groaned.

“And, by the way, I love you.”

Lee cursed.

Yesterday, Lee could feel nothing but hopelessness after the failure of the Great Gift Plan. He wanted nothing more than to spend time with Gai-sensei to try to figure out his material weakness.

Today all Lee wanted to do was stay as far away from his beloved mentor as possible to try and spare them both serious embarrassment.

Lee sat and thought about his situation for several minutes.

No, he really had no idea what he should do. He loved the man, his plan to tell him that failed, and now he’d seen…

Gai-sensei cursed and clutched at the couch, his hips jerking, his hand moving…

Lee shook himself. When in doubt, train. Lee grabbed his running shoes and left the house determined to sweat away his problems. He would run until things were clear.

Fifteen miles later, Lee slowed to a jog and dejectedly trudged up his uncle’s driveway. He still had no plan, no rationalization that made him feel better about spying on his sensei, and no clue how he could fix his situation. He didn’t like avoiding things– and by not confronting Gai-sensei, Lee felt like he was doing just that.

But he couldn’t very well waltz into the dojo, confess all to Gai-sensei and hope for the best, could he? The ways that could go badly were too numerous and too frightening. No, confessing right away before Lee understood more about what everything meant and how he felt about it seemed like a bad plan.

Lee’s uncle was already gone by the time Lee made it to the fridge to get his PowerAde. There was a note, however, scribbled on the dry-erase board the two kept to pass along messages or make grocery lists.

“Lee – out near the Nara farm today doing some planting. If free, happy to have some help.”

Lee’s uncle owned a landscaping and site preparation business, and Lee helped out from time to time. After reading the note, a few things clicked into place for Lee. He reached for the phone.

The dojo wasn’t open, yet, and Lee knew it. He purposefully dialed the front office line and not the number that rang both the office and Gai-sensei’s home phone.

“Gai-sensei, this is Lee. My uncle needs my help with work today, so I will not be in to help you teach. I hope this is not too troublesome for you, Sensei. I will see you soon. Thank you and have a great day.”

Lee hung up feeling like a cowardly ass. But he needed time – and working for his uncle could do that and allow Lee to be useful. Besides, it would help Lee start earning back the cash he’d spent on the gifts that Gai-sensei completely disregarded.

Despite Lee’s mental confusion over his feelings for Gai-sensei and all that had happened, his body was clear in its desires. The shower reminded Lee of the shower yesterday at the dojo, which reminded him of what happened after he left the building. Lee grimaced and cursed at himself but ended up roughly jerking off despite it all. He indulged himself in replaying the entire scene in slow motion one more time…and he didn’t stop himself from panting loudly as he came.

Lee didn’t have any great revelations while he worked on his uncle’s job site that day, but he did manage to exhaust himself to the point of collapse. That night he slept like the dead and woke up the next morning and repeated the act. His uncle was delighted, Lee managed to occupy his brain, and it seemed like the perfect solution.

On day four of Operation Avoid Thinking, Neji called Lee’s cell. Lee felt a large pang of guilt as he silenced the call, but told himself that he was too busy and would call Neji later.

Tenten called two hours later and Lee did the same thing to her call and used the same rationalization.

Ino called; same story.

After six days, Lee had managed to avoid teaching four classes at the dojo, ignore ten phone calls, (only one from Gai-sensei…Lee tried not to let it hurt) and work nearly 80 hours for his uncle. His bank account was extremely happy, but Lee felt numb.

On Saturday Lee decided uncharacteristically to sleep in, so at 9 a.m. he didn’t hear the pounding on the front door. He didn’t hear his uncle greet several callers who sounded rather annoyed when they asked where Lee might be. He didn’t hear the footsteps pounding up the stairs.

He did, however, hear Ino when she threw open the door to his bedroom and bellowed, “Lee! What the HELL is wrong with you?”

When Lee finally gained enough consciousness to form coherent thoughts, Neji was calmly restraining Lee in a vicious arm lock, Neji’s foot in Lee’s back, Lee’s body mostly on the floor.

“I think he’s awake now,” Neji said dryly. “And in the future, Ino, it’s really best not to startle Lee from sleep.”

“I get that,” Ino said from her position across the room. Her back was pressed into the wall and her eyes were a little wide. There was a ring of plastic and metal bits at her feet.

“What’s that?” Lee asked.

“Alarm clock.”

“Oh,” Lee said.

“But your bed’s back together,” Tenten said, smoothing out the comforter.

“Oh,” Lee said, still not quite with it.

“I’m going to let you go now, Lee, and Ino’s going to apologize.” Neji released Lee’s arm and the muscles screamed as blood flowed returned.

“I’m sorry, Lee.”

Lee rubbed his arm and winced. “It is…well, okay now, Ino. I apologize for…whatever I did.” Lee couldn’t remember a thing, but then, he rarely did when this sort of thing happened. As a child he had night terrors and he never quite grew out of them.

Lee took a moment to look around the room and at his friends. All three were standing with their arms crossed, and they seemed a little…angry.

“Why are you here?” Lee asked. “Is everything okay?”

“No everything is not okay, Lee,” Ino said. “You sent flowers through one of my families’ competitors!”

Neji sighed.

“And you’ve been avoiding us for days!” Tenten added. “We’ve called, we’ve left messages. Where have you been?”

Lee gulped and nervously eyed the two irate women. “I was working for my uncle,” Lee explained.

“You haven’t been to the dojo. Gai asked about you,” Neji said, his voice quieter but no less irritated.

“He did?” Lee hated how needy he sounded. All his problems rushed back at once, and he sighed and slumped against the wall.

“Lee?” Neji asked, head tilted and lovely face marred with a frown.

“This isn’t like you, Lee. You never ignore people or miss days at the dojo,” Tenten said.

Lee sat quietly, knowing he had to say something, but not sure what to actually say. For a moment, he felt that breaking feeling and thought he was going to…well, again, he wasn’t sure what would happen, but it wouldn’t be good. Lee took a deep breath or three and then looked up at his friends.

“I am sorry. I did not want to burden you all with my troubles. I am fine – really – and very sorry I did not-“

“Cut the bullshit, Lee,” Tenten said. Ino looked a little startled at that.

“Tenten,” Neji said, warning in his voice.

“It is fine, Neji, she’s right. But Tenten, I do not wish to involve Ino in this.” Ino, Tenten, and Sakura were friends – though rather competitive with one another. Lee assumed she was here because Tenten invited her along.

“Oh come off it, Lee, you’re in love with Gai, I get it. Now what’s up?” Ino tossed long hair over her shoulder and sat down on the edge of the bed, crossing her legs.

“What?” Lee asked. “But…”

“Lee, you’re a bit obvious in your affections,” Tenten said, her voice kinder. Then she glared daggers at Neji. “Unlike some people I know.”

Neji ignored her and kept silent.

Tenten sighed. “Ino knows everything, Lee. She found out from a friend of hers at Bright Floral that you sent some flowers to Gai. Now, we care about you, and we’re here because we’re worried. Tell us what’s going on.”

Lee sighed and sat up. Since everyone knew how he felt about Gai-sensei, specifics wouldn’t hurt. Maybe they could help him sort out this mess; that’s what friends did, after all. Besides, ignoring things was not (youthful) the way to go about life.

Lee started with the conversation at lunch several weeks ago. Slowly he told the story of his grand plan based on Neji’s suggestion.

“It was brilliant, really, Neji – and I thank you again.”

“But it didn’t work?” Neji prompted.

Lee sighed and listed the gifts he sent and Gai-sensei’s reaction to each of them – particularly the flowers.

“Well, at least we know why you asked us about happy gifts,” Tenten commented.

Lee talked about Kakashi, how strange Lee felt around the man, how confusing it all was. His doubts and fears poured out in one long, rambling bout of what sounded entirely too close to self-pity for Lee’s taste.

“And then, last week…” Lee stopped. Oh, no, he couldn’t tell them that. He could not betray Gai-sensei in such a way…not to mention himself. Lee blanched.

“Last week?” Tenten asked.

“Ah, yes, well, I trained and said good night to Gai-sensei, but I felt so angry at myself that I have not been able to go back.” There, that sounded plausible. And it was even mostly true.

“So let me get this straight,” Tenten said. “You sent gift after gift hoping it would make Gai happy so that you could…what, set the stage? Get down on one knee and declare love eternal?”

Lee nodded. That was accurate, yes.

Ino smacked herself in the forehead and Tenten glared at Neji. “This is your fault, you realize,” she said.

“For the record, I suggested one gift and for Lee to confess immediately.”

“But I could not!” Lee protested. “Kakashi was there, and-“

“So you just kept sending gifts and cards hoping for a different outcome?” Ino asked. “Have you ever heard of the definition of insanity?”

Lee frowned.

“Doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result,” Neji supplied.

“Oh…” Lee hadn’t really thought of it like that. Suddenly he felt very stupid.

“Lee,” Neji said. “It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Ino snorted. “Wrong? No. But that seems like an awful lot of trouble when you could just ask the man out.”

Three sets of eyes turned to look at Ino.

“What? Didn’t anyone think of that?”

“Of course,” Neji nearly hissed. “But-“

“I could never!” Lee gasped, horrified. Ask Gai-sensei out? On a date? That was…madness! He’d die a thousand deaths of embarrassment. And what if Gai-sensei turned him down? It was plausible, really, given Gai-sensei’s reactions to gifts. And Lee had never known Gai-sensei to date. What made Lee think he was special?

Lee sat on the floor with one hand over his chest, pale and hyperventilating.

“And this is why I didn’t suggest it,” Neji said pointedly to Ino. “Lee does things in his own way.”

The girl huffed and shrugged. “Well, his way didn’t work. Asking Gai out is the most direct way to get results. Get it over with and move on.”

“Like you asked Sasuke out?” Tenten said to Ino.

“Found out he was gay, now, didn’t I?” Ino shot back.

Neji sighed again. “Lee, it does make sense.”

Lee looked at Neji, stricken. “But…but…I would have no idea what to say!”

“We’ll help you!” Tenten said cheerfully. She went to Lee’s desk and grabbed a notebook and a pen. “We’ll write out what you can say and then you’ll call him and do it. Simple!”

It wasn’t simple; it was suicide.

“But I can’t just…call Sensei and tell him I want to date him,” Lee said, his voice high.

“You don’t have to, silly!” Ino said. “You just ask him to a movie and maybe tell him while you guys are out that you’d like to make it a regular thing. Honestly, it’s pretty basic.”

“A movie! Perfect!” Tenten said and scribbled faster.

“But-“

“Lee,” Neji interrupted. “Setting the stage doesn’t appear to be working, so perhaps you should be more direct. Get alone with Gai in a setting outside the dojo and explain how you feel. Gai cares very deeply for you – I’m sure he’ll be kind.”

Neji made sense. Of course he did – Neji always made sense. Lee envied his friend’s calm and tried to mimic it, forcing thoughts about how in the world he would manage ticket prices, (who should pay?), transportation, (Lee didn’t have a car) and movie taste, (what in the hell should they see?) out of his mind. He let out a loud breath.

“You think this is the next step?” Lee asked the room.

“Yes,” said three voices.

“And here’s your script!” Tenten said happily. Lee scanned it and choked.

“I am NOT saying that!”

Neji leaned over Lee’s shoulder and read. Then he laughed – a rare thing for Neji.

“I don’t think Lee wants to tell Gai he can jump him on the way to the theater.”

Tenten grinned. “Yes he does.”

“I do n-“ Lee trailed off, the indignation dying on his tongue. Okay, maybe he did. A little.

Gai on the couch in the dark living room…

Okay, a lot.

Right.

“See?” Tenten said.

Neji rolled his eyes, and Ino snorted.

“So, what are you waiting for?” Tenten said. “Just cross out that line and call the man!”

“What?” Lee’s heart flew into his throat. “Right now?”

“Yes!” Ino and Tenten said together.

“With you here?” Lee squawked.

“We have to make sure you do it, Lee.” Ino grinned. “Wouldn’t want you to back out at the last minute and start your crazy gift-giving again.”

Tenten dug around in Lee’s backpack and pulled out his phone then tossed it to him. Lee caught it with one hand.

“It is still a bit early,” Lee hedged.

“Well, you want to go tonight, don’t you?” Ino asked as though this was obvious.

Lee’s pulse ratcheted up a few hundred notches. Breathe…breathe…try not to think about how you’re going to ask this man on a date after you saw him…

Don’t think about it.

Lee flipped open the phone. He looked at the script and nodded. “Okay, here goes.”

As the phone to the dojo rang, Lee thought this exercise was much like ripping off a bandage. If you did it fast, you didn’t feel the sting until after it was over.

Gai-sensei answered on the third ring. “Green Dojo, this is Maito Gai. How may I help you today?”

“Gai-sensei, it’s Lee.” His voice shook and Tenten gave him an encouraging thumbs-up.

“Lee! I’m so glad it’s you!”

Lee’s heart flip-flopped.

“I’ve been worried. Neji told me on Tuesday that he hadn’t heard from you. Are you sick?”

“No, Sensei, not sick. I have been helping my uncle.”

“How kind of you, Lee. I should have known it was something like that.” The relief in Gai-sensei’s voice was obvious even to Lee. Maybe his sensei had missed him?

“The classes haven’t been the same without my star pupil. Are you coming in today for training?”

“Uh…” Lee faltered. Without missing a beat, Tenten held up a sheet of notebook paper. In large, block letters it said, I WANTED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.

“I wanted to ask you something,” Lee read.

“Oh? Of course, Lee! Anything at all.”

“Are you busy this evening?” Lee read, his voice sounding more than a little rehearsed, but Lee didn’t care. If he just read the words, he didn’t have to think about what they meant.

“No, I’m not,” Gai-sensei replied.

Sweat broke out on Lee’s forehead as Tenten held up the next sheet of paper. “Would – you - like – to – go – see – a – mov - ie? I have heard good things about The Ugly Truth.”

Gai-sensei laughed and Lee held his breath.

“Lee, that sounds delightful!”

“It does?” Lee said, astonished. Tenten flailed and tried to get Lee to look at the notebook.

“I’m so glad that you’re…that you’re not…” Gai-sensei stumbled over his words and Lee frowned.

“That I’m not what?” Lee asked.

Gai-sensei laughed, but it sounded forced. “Nothing, nothing. Just glad you’re okay. I’ve missed you this past week. And I’d love to go see a movie – I haven’t been out of the dojo in weeks.”

Tenten frantically tapped the notebook page.

“Then can you pick me up around six? The movie starts at 6:30.”

“I will see you at six, Lee.”

Lee felt dizzy and swayed. Neji grabbed his shoulder.

“Great, Gai-sensei. I’ll see you then.”

“Have a youthful day, Lee!”

When Lee shut the phone, Tenten and Ino shrieked. Neji winced.

“Now we need to plan what you’re going to wear!” Ino said and flew to Lee’s closet. “Do you have anything that isn’t green?”

Tenten grabbed her phone and began to punch keys.

“What are you doing?” Neji asked.

“Texting Sakura. She’ll be thrilled.”

“Sakura?” Lee whimpered.

“It’ll be okay, Lee. Just breathe,” Neji said and patted his shoulder.

Lee couldn’t wrap his brain around Gai-sensei’s acceptance of their date. It’d been so easy – simple. Lee still didn’t know how he would react when he saw the man again considering all that had happened, but with Ino in his closet and Tenten relaying the details to Sakura and Neji’s calm reassurances…Lee couldn’t help but feel hopeful.

“Lee do you own ANY clothing that actually shows OFF your body?” Ino asked, exasperated.

Lee’s eyes got wide.

“Breathe,” Neji said.

Lee tried.

~*~