Fallen Leaves (Formerly Kakashi: No Regrets)

Final Score: Yes: 2 No: 2
Tie breaker (my muse) says: Sasuke/Kakashi lemon!!!!

This has turned into a (very) dark, twisted relationship since I last posted. Oh, let’s be frank, it’s completely fucked up. This absolutely will not end in anything approaching a happy ending, so be warned. For once, I know where this story is going before I’m half done.

DarkAngelJudas: I’m actually surprised you like this story at all, being that I killed Itachi in chapter one. But as you can see, Itachi’s not entirely gone . . . But as to your other concern, for Kakashi . . . let me just say: this is a rather dark story. I should just leave it at that. Certain things I’ve set down from day one even though most of the story was in limbo until recently. Sorry. I just wasn’t sure about Kakashi giving into Sasuke, but I guess since I kept Kakashi true—and in his right mind—in the other story, I should do the opposite here. Hope I don’t lose you on this one! But Itachi is coming out . . .

ishala8: Thank you so much for your reviews! This is one constructive, thank you. The reason this update has taken some time was massaging the oddness and, as you put it, how unfair it would be to Sasuke. You know, never really liked Kisame. I kinda like his personality, but . . . I don’t know. Just don’t like him. And he’s one of the few Akatsuki left at the point in time I’m concentrating on, the only one I can really kill.

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Sasuke’s team stayed at few inns as they moved across the continent to the Land of Lightning. Their choice of an inn tonight was dictated by the fact they were in a town on an open plain. There was no cover outside the town so the inn was their only option. Sasuke dictated that he and Kakashi would share a room, Suigetsu and Juugo in another, and Karin, of course, had her own.

Kakashi sat by the window silently looking at the road. This inn stood on the outskirts and had a view of the barren plane and the road they came on from their window in addition to the street below. Sasuke lay on his bedroll, though he was not trying to sleep. He stared at Kakashi.

“If Konoha was on our trail, they would not be seen on the street.”

“Ah,” Kakashi agreed, but he didn’t move. Sasuke noticed his eyes were distant; he wasn’t watching the street.

Earlier in the day, Kakashi bought new clothes. All he had were the clothes on his back when he fled Konoha—and the block—and the things he took from Itachi’s body. Now he wore tight black that seemed to better befit a shinobi. He had given Sasuke all the money he’d found on Itachi’s body but Sasuke had a free hand with his subordinates having pillaged Orochimaru’s hideout.

Sasuke watched him and he didn’t seem to notice. He wore Itachi’s headband and still wore that mask. Sasuke wondered about it like he and the others used to. A flash of memory lit before his eyes: Kakashi without his mask or headband. His left eye was shut, but his right was smoldering with lust. An elegant nose, strong cheekbones, and a licentious mouth that Sasuke somehow associated with senseless pleasure . . . Sasuke’s body arched involuntarily with the memory of pleasure he had never experience.

Kakashi hadn’t noticed his student’s attention or motion; he was still staring out at the window at the dying day.

“Are you just going to sit there and mourn?” Sasuke finally asked.

“I have nothing else to do at the moment.”

Sasuke’s mind was filled with the things they could be doing. He shut his eyes. Graphic memories of looking down into one gray eye as Kakashi deep throated him, looking down at him while he rode him and when he made love to him, and, strangely, the image of a pillow, but that was the one which shot the most pleasure through Sasuke’s body.

When Sasuke opened his eyes again, they were burning with the Sharingan. He let it fade. He stared at Kakashi. He was good looking even when half his face was hidden by the mask. His body was thin, but well toned. Physically, Kakashi was very attractive. He was—well, until recently—unfailingly loyal. He was dedicated to the memory of Sasuke’s beloved brother, had taught Sasuke so much, even his own original technique. Sasuke thought back. Kakashi had become family. He loved him. But he had never thought about a sexual relationship with the older man before.

Neither did I, a deep voice said inside Sasuke’s head. The voice drifted in and out as if it lacked the strength to speak normally. Then one day, he kissed me . . . never felt anything like it . . . a star erupting in my chest . . . not the physical sensation . . . the feeling . . . he loved me . . . that someone cared for me, not just . . . Uchiha prodigy. I wanted to do anything to please him . . . make sure he would never stop loving me. I let him take me . . . I loved it; I loved him. We were friends . . . sempai and kôhai . . . so much closer as lovers. When I left, I regretted most leaving you . . . second . . . leaving Kakashi without a word. . . . he’ll love you . . . loved me. He was devastated when you left . . .

Itachi? There was no answer. Sasuke shut his eyes and tried to meditate as he lay there, searching his mind and soul for the source of that voice. He purposely avoided where he had imprisoned Orochimaru.

There was no answer. Well, if it was alright with Itachi . . .

Kakashi was still sitting there. It was dark now, only a streetlamp outside and a lamp near Sasuke provided light. The assault of sexual images had made Sasuke hard. He wanted Kakashi. He wanted to see what Itachi had shown him for himself.

With his left eye covered, Kakashi did not notice Sasuke’s approach. He finally noticed him when Sasuke knelt next to him and immediately grabbed at Kakashi’s mask. Kakashi pulled away, but not before Sasuke’s fingertips touched his cheek.

“What are you doing?”

“Obvious, isn’t it.”

Sasuke tried again. Kakashi caught his wrist this time.

“Why do you hide it?” Sasuke’s face was inches from Kakashi’s. “You’re very handsome.”

“How would you know?”

The question seemed to disturb him. “I’ve . . . seen it.”

Kakashi’s grip on Sasuke’s wrist tightened. “Itachi? Can you see Itachi’s memories? Is he . . .”

Sasuke’s head swam, but Itachi did not come. “I see flashes of memories.”

Kakashi’s grip slackened and Sasuke pulled the mask down and leaned in to kiss him. Kakashi pulled back and put a hand to Sasuke’s chest to restrain him.

“I was always true to your brother, even after . . .” He didn’t want to bring up the slaughter of the Uchiha.

“He’s dead, Kakashi,” he said sadly. “He’s not missing; he’s not coming back. If he is within me, he’s not raising any objections.”

Sasuke moved in slowly and sucked in Kakashi’s top lip. Kakashi did not kiss back. Sasuke disengaged and pressed his cheek to Kakashi’s.

“I love you.” His own words surprised him. But he felt it now that he’d said. He did love Kakashi. He was so like him, knew similar pain, both grieving for the same man. “We are all we have of our home and Itachi. Why not? You love me, don’t you? Did you only come to me because Itachi told you to?”

“No, staying with you was my choice. But I also really had no where else to go.”

Sasuke snaked his arms around Kakashi’s shoulders and collapsed into him. His fingers moved up into the hair on the back of Kakashi’s head.

“We’re all we have left, Kakashi. Especially if we’re going to bring Konoha to its knees and chop off its head.” Sasuke’s voice took on a tremor of rage when he talked about Konoha. “You are all I have left.”

Kakashi put his arms around Sasuke’s waist. “You are all I left too.”

Sasuke’s head drifted down to rest on Kakashi’s shoulder and they shifted to hold each other more securely.

“Please stop looking away at him and look at me,” Sasuke said.

“You always hated him so much; it’s been very hard for you, hasn’t it?”

“I loved him so much that when he betrayed me and said those things to me in the street after he killed our parents, my hate was fed by how much I loved him. Now knowing he didn’t do it to hurt me, but to save me, that he was lying that night . . . It killed me when Madara told me. It only took him an hour to tell me everything. I was gone so long because I nearly lost my mind. I cried for hours. I spent most of the time crying. I want my brother back.”

Itachi may be speaking to him in his mind, but he was dead, he wasn’t really here. And there was no real proff yet that he could really speak to Itachi. Sasuke began crying now. Kakashi held him tighter. He had held Itachi like this more than once when he was overcome by his burdens and his feelings for Sasuke. But Sasuke was not a thin and slight as Itachi, though he was shorter. But he smelled like Itachi. Not exactly like Itachi, but enough.

Kakashi petted his soft raven hair. “Looking at you reminded me too much of what I’ve lost: our team, village, my team, and mostly your brother. I love you, but more like a son.”

Sasuke sniffed. “I can live with that for now.”

Kakashi couldn’t help feeling the solidness of Sasuke’s body. Solid and warm. So unlike the ghost of Itachi he was constantly seeing and wanting to reach for. Even if Itachi couldn’t live through Sasuke, Sasuke was here.

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Kakashi had deposited Sasuke on his bed and retreated his own. Sasuke woke up disappointingly alone. He pulled the blanket over his shoulders more securely and snuggled deeper into the mattress. He tried to go back to sleep.

Sasuke. The same voice from last night whispered in his mind. Sasuke opened his eyes and looked around. Kakashi was still sleeping on his bed. There was no one else in the room.

Sasuke. The voice said again. Sasuke lay back down and concentrated.

Itachi?

I’m here, Sasuke.

How?

. . . knew I was dying . . . tried sealing as much . . . chakra as I could in my eyes. I wasn’t sure if . . . work . . . heard of shinobi . . . able to live on in . . . sealing their chakra in them. It worked, Sasuke.

So, you’ve been possessing me?

In flashes. I can sometimes see and hear what you . . . Sometimes my reactions . . . strong enough to surface. I apologize. I’m still getting used to this kind of existence. I don’t what to do anything to harm you. His voice was getting stronger and his voice didn’t fail him as much.

So, was everything Madara told me the truth?

I can’t read your mind unless . . . open it to me. I should only be able to use your senses and body if you let me . . . don’t know what Madara told you. But I know you don’t hate me anymore. But I knew he would contact you and try to recruit . . .

Sasuke revealed the memory of Madara explaining the Uchiha history to him as well as what he said about Itachi. It felt like Itachi’s presence was trying to recoil, but Sasuke was certain he would see everything Sasuke wanted to show him. He did not share his plans with him though.

I don’t believe Izuna gave up his eyes willingly, Itachi said when the memory ceased. But yes, everything else is true. I did value your life over the village. I’m so sorry . . . I said to you.

I’ve joined Akatsuki.

What?! You must understand what they are trying to do. I wanted you to return to Konoha and fight Akatsuki.

I will fight it from within. Kakashi and I will pretend to be loyal, as you did, and we will kill Madara and destroy Akatsuki.

Itachi started speaking in shorter sentences. Do be careful. I did it all for you. I will give you all the information I have.

I can let you take over my body?

Yes.

You are more adapt with Mangekyô. I may let you take over in a fight. I can learn from you like that.

I’m still a rather weak presence within you. Not strong enough yet. I can show you in your mind how to use the Mangekyô.

You could be with Kakashi again.

Itachi understood Sasuke’s meaning perfectly. I don’t know if that would be good for any of us. It wouldn’t be fair to you. And he’s still grieving.

Better now than later. If he and I became lovers as well, it wouldn’t be that unfair. Sasuke could feel his brother’s desire. Not a physical desire, but a longing. Itachi’s voice was faltering again.

Pl . . . on’t tell him about me yet. If he knew . . . n’t think he’d start a relationship with you . . . so he could have me . . . I can be content without . . . do become lovers . . . open your senses to me . . . little . . . need not . . . more than that. I want you to love each other.

You’re very generous, brother.

Enlightened self interest . . . may be good for both of you. From what I can see, he’s dead inside, isn’t he? . . . can’t see into your mind, I can tell you are very lonely. I want my brother and lover to be happy. And if I can have a little time with him . . . He trailed off rather than lost strength.

Itachi, I do love you. I’m so sorry that I hated you.

I made you hate me. It’s what I wanted so that you’d be safe. I’m sorry I manipulated you. I started having doubts. I should have told you the truth.

Itachi’s presence faded. Sasuke opened his eyes. Dawn had broken over the open plain beyond their window. Kakashi was sitting at the window again, completely dressed, not wanting to wake Sasuke.

Sasuke sat up and Kakashi looked at him. At least he looked at him. Sasuke started getting ready.

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Kôhai is like protégé or subordinate, opposite of Sempai (Itachi was Kakashi’s kôhai)