Break to Breathe

 

BREAK TO BREATHE

by Okami Rayne

Chapter Five

Not again.

The soft scuff of footsteps redirected Shikamaru's attention away from the game he and Neji were engrossed in, to the approaching company of an old woman.

"Head's up," Shikamaru warned, his eyes flicking over Neji's shoulder before dropping back to the Shogi board. "Her old lady's brought a menu this time."

Neji tensed. "You can't be serious."

Shikamaru's lip curved as he glanced up again. "Make that her old lady's old lady."

"This is getting ridiculous." Neji scowled, his gaze fixed on the board.

"You're in demand, Hyūga."

"Shut up, Nara."

Shikamaru tried not to smirk. The look on Neji's face was priceless. Since the moment they'd entered the Shogi house, the owner's fair-haired granddaughter hadn't stopped harassing the Hyūga. Her doe-eyed gaze remained fixated on him and as far as she was concerned, she couldn't do enough to make Neji more comfortable.

Neither could her grandmother, apparently.

Neji tried not to look harassed, his expression smoothing into a polite but detached mask as the owner stopped beside him, holding the said menu Shikamaru had mentioned.

"Are you sure I can't get you something, dear? Some tea perhaps?" she practically shoved the menu beneath his nose.

Neji straightened away in his seat, glancing sidelong at her. "No, thank you. You've been very kind already."

Two pots already sat on the table, one still steaming. Shikamaru braced his chin in his palm, elbow propped on the table as he glanced at the troublesome woman. The old lady wouldn't take the hint and leaned in closer to Neji, dropping her voice to a whisper, as if discussing drugs and not tea.

"We have a new brew, you know. It's just in. Very delicate on the palate."

"Honestly, that's very kind, but we're fine, thank you." Neji managed a weak quirk of his lips, attempting to scrape together some vague expression of gratitude that didn't look pained.

"Or perhaps you'd prefer some saké?" The elderly woman patted his shoulder, smoothing out the non-existent creases in the towel she'd retrieved for him. She'd only brought Shikamaru one twenty minutes later as an afterthought.

Screw this.

"Saké sounds like a good idea," Shikamaru cut in before Neji could decline, smirking at the glare the pale-eyed ninja shot him.

It's almost worth the damn hassle, just to see that look on his face.

The old lady, sensing someone aiding her cause – or her granddaughter's – deigned Shikamaru with a glance, beaming. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Oh wonderful!" She immediately turned back to Neji. "What would you like, dear?"

Shikamaru arched his brows, cocking his head toward Neji. The Hyūga's eye twitched, his glare still directed at Shikamaru; thankfully the long fall of Neji's bangs shielded his gaze from the woman as she listed off a variety of different brews.

As she droned on, Shikamaru had to wonder at Neji's semi-clueless expression. Surely he was familiar with saké? Though come to think of it, Shikamaru hadn't ever seen the Hyūga drink.

Neji eventually just closed his eyes, looking thoroughly harassed and uninterested. Shikamaru, despite his initial amusement at the situation, was getting bored pretty fast and decided to save them both the torture.

"Genshu saké would be great," he drawled, ordering the strongest brew off-the-bat, his lips lacing a smirk at the look the woman gave him. "Chilled, not hot. Thanks."

Neji didn't seem to care or catch onto the strong order, his eyes only slipping open when he realised the old lady wasn't nattering aloud or patting his shoulder anymore. She bowed politely and moved to retrieve the saké.

"You're paying," Shikamaru announced, his fingers dropping a Shogi piece across the board.

"We're underage."

"She doesn't seem to think so. And you're still paying."

"I don't drink." Neji tugged the red towel off his shoulders, squeezing out the ends of his dark mane into the damp cloth before dropping it to the side of the bench.

"Yeah? That's too bad, 'cause in situations like this I sure as hell do." Shikamaru's dark eyes scanned the board lazily before flicking up to Neji's unimpressed glare.

"Another one of your bad habits, Nara? Perhaps you'd like a cigarette as well."

Shikamaru straightened a little at that, only to slouch with a lazy shrug. "Look, unless you're gonna get down on one knee and propose to her granddaughter, I don't see any way of surviving this, or coming out of it sane, other than through complete intoxication."

Neji's brow furrowed at the lack of congruency. "Sanity through intoxication? That makes absolutely no sense, Shikamaru."

"There's a method to the madness, Hyūga, trust me."

Neji scoffed quietly, reaching to curl his fingers around his teacup without raising it to his lips. "We could always just leave."

"Not a chance. I already had to quit mid-game earlier. No way in hell that's happening again – especially when I've got you just where I want you." He only realised how wrong that sounded when it came out.

Great…and I haven't even started drinking yet.

Neji pursed his lips but didn't respond; instead, he moved to slide a piece across the board. A smooth evasion that Shikamaru had already predicted, but it kept Neji in the game.

"Nice move." Shikamaru braced the heel of his foot on the bench, draping his arm across his knee as he studied the layout. "So, what was all that about earlier?"

He sensed Neji's fingers curl tighter around the teacup before releasing it. "Nothing."

"Didn't seem like nothing." Shikamaru's fingers slid across the board, his attention perfectly divided between Neji and the game. "Mission got ugly?"

Neji was watching him closely; he could feel the weight of those ghostly irises without having to raise his eyes. After assessing his position on the board, he finally flicked his focus up, settling their gazes.

Neji, to his credit, didn't avert his eyes.

Without breaking their gazes, Shikamaru reached to lift a playing piece, setting it down and capturing one of Neji's pieces. Having compromised the Hyūga's defence in more ways than one, he arched a brow.

"Your move."

Neji eyes flickered briefly, that odd look playing behind his mask before his attention was redirected to the sudden presence by his side. Neji almost jolted as the old lady leaned down with a bright smile, sliding two flat, box-like cups onto the table. She took up the ceramic flask and filled the masu cups.

"Is there anything else I can get you?"

"No, thank you." Neji shook his head.

To the Hyūga's barely concealed frustration, the old lady didn't leave. Instead she gestured to the cups, waiting for Neji to sample the saké.

Shikamaru smirked, reaching for his cup with a deceptively unbothered expression.

Oh man, this is so bad it's good.

Neji closed his eyes for a moment – probably pleading for patience – then he stretched out his pale hand, lifted the masu cup and took a sip of the saké. Shikamaru almost held his breath, glancing up through his lashes as he pretended to focus on the board. He watched the tendons in Neji's throat tighten for a few seconds before he finally swallowed.

The old lady's eyes crinkled with delight as the pale-eyed ninja turned his head a bit and offered her a tight-lipped smile.

"It's very good," Neji croaked.

"Wonderful! I shall keep another to the side, dear," she promised, taking her leave to go and secure another flask.

The moment she passed out of sight, Neji put the cup down and slid it away with two rigid fingers, his expression twisting with disgust. "That is absolutely vile."

Shikamaru laughed softly. "Great, you're gonna break her granddaughter's heart."

Neji reached for his tea to wash down the burn in the back of his throat. "What the hell did you order? Toad oil?"

Shikamaru knocked back his own drink with barely a grimace. "Blame my old man. I was impressionable as a kid."

Neji took another sip of his tea, shaking his head with a snort that only a Hyūga could make sound elegant and succinctly condescending.

"I highly doubt it." He slid a piece across the board with his free hand. "You're the least impressionable person I know, Shikamaru."

"Is that a compliment?" Shikamaru captured another of Neji's Shogi pieces. "Colour me surprised."

"Take it any way you want, I refuse to drink this."

"Whatever," Shikamaru shrugged, refilling his cup. "I'm guessing this "I don't drink" rule is just a control thing."

Neji's lips tightened before he seemed to catch himself from reacting. "Why do you feel the need to drink at all?"

"Helps me relax – you should try it." He smirked.

"If you were any more relaxed, Nara, you'd be dead."

"Probably." Shikamaru shrugged, enjoying the banter. He lazily reached for the flask again. "Just think I should warn you though—"

"I'm already aware that I am paying for this," Neji growled, frowning at the Shogi board and his apprehended pieces.

"No, I mean, warn you that your admirer is bringing another flask."

"Wonderful," Neji groaned.

"Yeah and her kid sister too." Shikamaru twisted his lips to keep from smirking at the smitten expression on the younger girl's face. "Well great, looks like you got yourself another fangirl."

He watched Neji freeze as if he had a kunai to his throat. "You're not joking, are you?"

Shikamaru snickered. "Well have fun being sober and uptight. I'm checking out." He raised the flask to mockingly toast his words. "To sanity."

Before he could replenish his drink, Neji scowled, snatched the flask, re-filled his rejected masu cup with the 'vile' contents and wasted no time in downing the saké.

"Ugh." Neji shook his head sharply, coughed, blinked back the automatic sting in his eyes and made to refill the cup again. "How fast does this work?"

Shikamaru gaped in utter surprise, before a slow smirk passed across his face, his voice lilting with amusement. "Welcome aboard, Hyūga."

---

Two and a half hours later, Shikamaru paid the bill.

As he sipped his last cup of saké, he savoured it less than the look of puzzled indignation on Neji's flushed face. The Hyūga's fingertips were resting on the table, body poised forward in a slant. His opalescent eyes narrowed to slits as he squinted at the playing pieces.

"I lost." Neji stared at the Shogi board as if it were cursed.

"That's right." Shikamaru nodded, setting down his masu cup. He was more proud of the fact that he still felt semi-sober. "You lose."

"I never lose," Neji's melodic voice stated with complete conviction. Despite the fact that he'd just lost. Twice.

"Tell it to the board."

Neji frowned and then to Shikamaru's surprise, he laughed softly, the sound tumbling from his lips. "I lost."

"Yeah." Shikamaru smirked. "Twice."

"I lost twice. Impossible." Neji shook his head, his dark hair swaying with the movement before he raised his head, squinting across at Shikamaru. "Rematch."

Shikamaru tried not to smile, twisting his lips with the effort. "I'm still gonna beat you. Besides, you're too drunk to play."

Neji swayed back in his seat with an indignant snort. "I am not drunk."

"Sure you're not." Shikamaru rolled his eyes with a chuckle. "Anyway, you already paid."

Neji blinked slowly as if taking a moment to process the information. "I already paid. Of course I already paid."

Not drunk my ass.

Shikamaru smirked as he stretched, lazily pushing to his feet. "Okay, time to get goin'. If you can walk that is."

Neji's expression turned haughty, which made it all the more amusing to watch him grip the table as though his life depended on it.

"Of course I can," Neji slurred slightly, managing to straighten up, though he began to tilt comically despite his latch onto the table. "What the hell is wrong with this table?"

"Man, you look ridiculous." Shikamaru laughed, reaching out a hand to Neji's shoulder to steady him. "It suits you - now come on, let's get you to walk this off before someone sees you."

Neji inched sideways, his wide eyes swinging back to the table. "I haven't paid."

"Yeah you did, come on."

Neji frowned. "I lost."

"Yeah. Twice." Shikamaru snorted, but sobered at the unexpected smile that Neji gave him.

"I never lose…" Neji glanced at the board. "I'm not supposed to…"

Shikamaru wasn't certain how to respond to that. Thankfully Neji saved him the bother by attempting to command a sense of sobriety he clearly didn't have. The long-haired ninja turned toward the exit confidently and then began to gravitate in the wrong direction.

Yeah, not drunk at all.

"Okay Hyūga." Shikamaru clapped a hand to his shoulder gently and steered him back on course. "It would help if you were goin' the right way."

"I am." Neji was too busy glaring back over his shoulder at the Shogi board.

Shikamaru kept his hand planted firmly, navigating them out of the Shogi house after a promise to the young girl and her grandmother – and the damned kid sister – that he'd make sure his friend got home safe.

"Man, what a drag…" Shikamaru groaned as they stepped out onto the street. "Not playing at this place again."

"I think she liked you," Neji stated, nodding firmly as he stared around the rain-hosed street.

"Yeah, which explains why she was waiting for you to get down on your knee."

"Why would I do that?" Neji's eyes widened comically. "Did I do that?"

"I wish I could be bothered to lie." Shikamaru smirked, attempting to open his parasol with one hand as he maintained his grip on Neji's shoulder. "Stay still."

"I am still perfectly staying. Everything else is moving."

"Right."

Shikamaru struggled with the stupid parasol. A faint drizzle and a light mist hung around the dim streets, the lanterns hanging like floating orbs in the vapour. Trusting that Neji could maintain his balance for a moment, Shikamaru freed his hand to jerk open the parasol, snapping the flimsy wood with an audible crack.

"Oh come on!" Shikamaru scowled, watching the umbrella-end flag. "Ugh. Cheap crap."

Neji laughed softly. "You broke it."

"Yeah, I noticed."

"I think you cheated."

"What?"

"I haven't paid." Neji attempted to turn his head toward the Shogi house and ended up rotating completely. He caught himself with a frown, pressing his hands to his thighs as he bent over slightly. "Gods…I feel strange…"

"No kidding." Shikamaru dumped the broken parasol in a trash can, turning back towards Neji with a touch of concern. "For someone who doesn't drink, I'm surprised you're not crawling on all fours after what you just knocked back."

Neji laughed, his frown vanishing as he straightened up sharply, staggering a little but not falling. "Why would I be crawling on all fours? I'm not an animal."

Shikamaru resisted the urge to smack his palm to his face. "Ugh. I guess I should have seen this coming. Come on, let's get you moving."

"Lee isn't supposed to drink," Neji informed as they began to move down along the sidewalk. "Disaster…when he does..."

"Oh yeah?" Shikamaru entertained the odd statement, keeping his steps in tandem with Neji's.

"Yes…he can't control it."

"Unlike you, right?" Shikamaru couldn't help but tease, his palm touching Neji's back as he began to slant in the wrong direction again. "Hey, easy."

"I always control it." Neji replied, and Shikamaru didn't have to guess that he wasn't referring to the alcohol.

"Yeah, I'll bet you do." Shikamaru directed them across the street, aiming to walk Neji around the grounds of the Nara forest for a bit.

"Gai-sensei doesn't understand…" Neji frowned, his eyes casting about the misty trees coming into view as if searching for something.

"Doesn't understand what?" Shikamaru watched him closely, his hand still resting at Neji's back, palm flat against the sleek hair currently free from the usual tie that secured it.

"I'm not like the others."

Shikamaru mulled over this for a moment as he led them along a grassy trail. Dew streaked an inverted path in their footsteps. Thankfully it had stopped raining.

Drawing close to a dell, he glanced sidelong at the Hyūga.

"Okay, so what are you like then?"

Neji hummed, his wide eyes still scanning around. "Like I've always been…a bird in a cage…"

The words took him back three years and Shikamaru found this response bothered him more than it should have. He immediately sought to keep his mind from sinking into those dangerous waters. He was already in too deep by troubling himself with Neji at all.

Yep. Definitely need to get my head checked out.

Neji blinked, drawing up short. "Where are we?"

"Relax." Shikamaru released a slow breath, watching it waft away on the evening air. "We're close to my place. Need to sober you up a bit, wouldn't want your uncle to freak out."

"He wouldn't." Neji laughed and shook his head. "It's not dignified. Hyūga's do not 'freak out'."

Shikamaru frowned slightly, surprised at his own irritation. He wasn't in the position to judge Hyūga Hiashi and it wasn't his place to question how the rooster ruled the damned coop. Still, seeing the toll it took to maintain that kind of control just didn't seem worth the effort. Or the damage.

"So he wouldn't be mad if you stumbled home drunk?" Shikamaru asked, hiding none of his amusement.

"He'd be furious." Neji laughed; a rare and mellifluous sound. "It's a good thing that I'm not drunk."

Shikamaru smirked and looked across at the very drunk ninja. His expression softened a little as his eyes traced the high ridge of Neji's cheekbones, flushed from the cold air and the saké.

"Yeah, say it again and I might believe you."

Neji snorted, raised his chin, spun to stab his finger in a sanctimonious gesture, completely lost whatever balance he thought he had, and went down on his ass faster than Shikamaru could move to grip him.

"Shit! Be car—"

Laughter burst from Neji in a flurry, cutting Shikamaru off.

Not for the first time that evening, the shadow-nin found himself shocked. He'd expected an up-in-arms display of frustration or embarrassed confusion. Then he realised that the mix of fresh air with alcohol might have added a kick to Neji's inebriation.

Well, guess he's really wasted now. Shit.

Neji was still laughing, an arm draped over his stomach as he lay back on the slick grass, his long, dark hair a puddle of tangled ink around him.

Shikamaru shook his head. "Troublesome."

Neji's laughter turned to a hiss of hysterics at this; his usually cool and unruffled manner completely obliterated. And what was so crazy about it – was how Shikamaru couldn't stop staring. Then he realised he was holding his breath.

Say something, genius.

"Real graceful, Hyūga," Shikamaru muttered, continuing to stare in bemusement at the totally incongruous and dangerously magnetic image the Hyūga struck.

This was so not Neji – and yet there he was, laughing, on the ground, acting more human and relaxed than Shikamaru had ever seen him.

I don't think I 'have' ever seen him relax…

The echo of Neji's words about not being human came back to him briefly, causing his brow to furrow. He shook it off and made to offer Neji a hand.

"Alright, you're gonna catch a chill. Let's get you—hey!" Shikamaru's words cut off as a solid tug to his wrist sent him sprawling beside Neji, much to the Jōnin's hilarity.

"See…" Neji slumped back, obviously proud with himself. "I'm not drunk."

Shikamaru bit back a laugh. "Fine, whatever, if you get sick it's not my problem."

He twisted around on his knees before flopping onto his back, curling an arm beneath his head. He assessed the environment lazily. The ground was wet, the air too cold and the sky too dark for clouds. But the stars were out now and for some reason all the troublesome discomforts seemed sufferable; because Neji was behaving like a human and not an unapproachable rock.

Shikamaru told himself he was just curious.

There wasn't anything more complicated about it.

He listened to the resonating tumble of Neji's laughter as it rolled on the cool breeze, wafting away in gentle flurries of vapour before he quietened a little.

"I think…" Neji murmured, cocking his head against the ground. "…that I may be a little drunk."

"You don't say…" Shikamaru drawled, glancing out the corner of his eye at the Jōnin.

Neji chuckled, blinking slowly and drawing attention to the dark fan of lashes framing his glazed, silvery eyes. Like the surface of a lake, they seemed to catch the light, and for the first time, a flurry of emotions rippled unchecked across the surface. His guard was down, a least a little.

"So what made you agree to play Shogi?" Shikamaru asked, keeping his tone light, almost semi-bored.

Neji hummed. "I didn't want to go home."

"Why?"

"Lee should never drink…" was Neji's unrelated reply, though Shikamaru sensed he wasn't being evasive, just drunk.

"Because he can't control it, yeah?" Shikamaru drawled.

Neji turned his head, those glazed eyes widening in surprise before narrowing in suspicion. "How did you know?"

Shikamaru attempted to steer the topic back. "You don't wanna go home – why is that again?"

"Training…"

Shikamaru marked the frown on Neji's face and took a sensible guess. "With your uncle?"

Neji nodded.

"So you're shirking your responsibilities?" Shikamaru teased. "Hey, that's my role. Now look at me, being all responsible and crap, making sure you don't fall on your face."

"I have excellent bralance…"

"Bralance, huh? What about balance?"

Neji squinted. "What?"

Shikamaru chuckled. "Oh man, you're wasted."

"My uncle would kill me if I was…" Neji raked his fingers back through his hair, almost dislodging his headband.

Shikamaru's attention was drawn to the glint of polished steel and he watched Neji's fingertips trace along it clumsily, marking out that signature curse seal on his forehead.

"Does it hurt?" He asked, feeling safe to bring it up.

"When they use it…"

Shikamaru's lips tightened. "They've used it?"

Neji frowned, his eyes searching the twilight sky. "I hate it…"

Shikamaru hummed, absorbed in thought as he monitored the other ninja quietly. He watched Neji slide his fingers away from the headband, settling his palm against the grass.

"Shikamaru…"

"Mmn?"

"…I think…I might be a little drunk."

"Yeah, it's okay. I know."

Neji shook his head, strands of wet grass brushing across his cheek. "I'm supposed to know…I should have…known before…"

"Known what?" Shikamaru asked, fully aware that this was going to be a disjointed conversation. But at least it was something. He doubted he'd ever get a chance like this again.

Hell. I've stupidly come this far…might as well go the whole nine yards…

Neji shook his head again, clenching a fist around delicate strands of grass. "She was pregnant…and it died…"

Shikamaru's eyes rounded.

What the hell?

He turned his head, gazing through the bowed blades of grass to watch Neji's expression twist from its earlier lightness into a frown.

"She said it wasn't wanted…so that must be why it happened…"

"Why what happened?" Shikamaru pieced together the words, sensing this had something to do with the mission, but he wanted clarity. "Neji, who are we talkin' about here?"

"I lead the team…I'm supposed to know…"

Shikamaru propped himself up on an elbow, glancing down. "You can't know everything. We do the best we can. It's all we can do."

"Why can't I make this stop?"

"Make what stop?"

Neji closed his eyes, swallowing. "I just need to know…how to control it…"

Shikamaru released a quiet sigh, concern twisting uncomfortably in his gut. His voice fell quietly. "I know you do, Neji…kinda why you're such a pain in the ass…"

Neji blinked slowly, turning his head to meet Shikamaru's gaze. His eyes carried ghosts – something haunted and obscure. A glimpse of what hid beneath the surface of those closed-off and eerie irises. For one selfish moment, Shikamaru almost wished Neji would get angry – that might have been easier to deal with; because the sadness in those eyes was pulling him in.

Shit…don't go there…

He managed a weak smile, reaching out a hand to flick grass away from Neji's headband, attempting to look irritated but failing. His thumb brushed Neji's temple slowly.

"Troublesome…" he murmured.

Neji blinked at the touch. "You did this before…"

"Hn?" Shikamaru tilted his head. "Called you troublesome? You are."

"Before." Neji reached up to grip his wrist – surprisingly hard. "When you kissed me."

Shit.

Of all the things he could have possibly said. Shikamaru had no retort and no reply, his tongue curled hard behind his teeth. There was just way too much wrapped up in that statement and responding to it would force him to consider and define something he had no intention of exploring. To make it worse, Neji was watching him with an intensity that had Shikamaru wondering if the Jōnin had miraculously sobered up.

Well talking about this is sure as hell gonna be enough to do it…

"Why did you do it?" the Hyūga murmured.

Shikamaru blew out a breath and fanned his free fingers through his spiky ponytail, shaking his head awkwardly.

"Damn…you're not gonna give me a break here, are you?" He chuckled, trying to make light of it.

"Then you did it again."

"I thought we agreed not to talk about that."

Neji tilted his head, glancing off to the side. "I remember…saying that."

"Good to know." Shikamaru smiled, dislodging his wrist. "How about we get back to mine, yeah? Get something to sober you up. You're gonna hate me tomorrow."

"I don't hate you."

For some reason this eased something in Shikamaru's mind that he hadn't realised was bothering him.

"Hn. So says the drunken Hyūga, not so sure the sober one would agree." Shikamaru twisted into a crouch, slinging Neji's arm over his shoulder and helping the other ninja to his feet. "Trust me, tomorrow you'll hate me."

Neji frowned at the offered support. "Why was I on the ground?"

"I'll tell you the next time you ask me. I can't be bothered to explain."

"Shikamaru…"

"Hmn?"

"Did I lose the game…?"

"Twice." Shikamaru chuckled.

"I may hate you a little," Neji slurred before groaning. "And I think I'm going to be sick…"

 

---