Dark Reminiscence

Listen to David Usher - Black Black Heart on youtube.

---

Something ugly this way comes

Through my fingers sliding inside

All these blessings all these burns

I'm godless underneath your cover

Search for pleasure search for pain

In this world now I am undying

---

Chapter 5: Reality Unknown

Despite the fact that he knew that Naruto was repulsed every time he touched him, he couldn't stop. Naruto had become his addiction, his desire, and only thought. He still felt the need for intimacy with the boy but knew better than to push, he didn't want to make Naruto even more emotionless.

He wanted to make Naruto whole again and had refrained from having sex with him but that had not stopped him from wrapping his arms around the delicate shell of a boy until their hearts beat in unison. Sometimes he could even convince himself that Naruto wanted to be there, with him, and that he loved him.

"Is there anything you want Naruto?" Iruka asked as he got ready to head out to market. He had to do the shopping since everyone in the damned village thought of Naruto as a demon and would overcharge him for rotten products. At least Naruto was a good cook Iruka thought with a slight smile on his face as he watched his beloved blonde mechanically turn on the stove and start heating up some Udon Noodles. Sometimes he wondered if things were better when Naruto used to have that fake macabre smile plastered on his face despite whatever emotional trauma he had undergone.

He had made Naruto lose his mask, thinking the 'demon' was mocking him. Now he would give anything for a smile, even a fake one.

"Umino-san breakfast is ready to be served." Naruto informed him tonelessly without a hint of anger or happiness, dull blue eyes utterly apathetic.

"Arigato Naruto!" chirped Iruka, trying, without progress, to make Naruto react to anything. Hopefully positive reinforcement would work eventually.

Naruto didn't reply and merely served him carefully being cautious to avoid all contact with him. Iruka wanted to touch his smooth golden skin, kiss those plump pale pink lips, and make those dull eyes glimmer with passion. He had no delusions though that Naruto wouldn't see it that way and contented himself with 'accidentally' brushing his finger tips against Naruto's unnaturally soft skin.

It was another strange phenomena, Naruto always healed perfectly, marks and blemishes gone after a couple of hours at most.

He was as perfect as a doll.

"Are you excited about starting in the academy today?" Iruka asked Naruto who remained as unresponsive as before, long blond hair neatly brushed to immaculate perfection and left to hang loose to his waist in waves of iridescent gold.

"Hai." Answered Naruto, his response as bland as before and as meaningless. There was a time when Naruto would have made a racket, or insulted him but he beat it out of him. He no longer talked back or argued about anything really.

He allowed Iruka to wash him every day like he would a coveted child, and then dress him in pretty kimonos more suited for girls than boys but Naruto never complained, he took it all with silence, his eyes observing every single action with sharp cold blue eyes that saw everything but accepted nothing. They were old eyes, eyes that had seen a lot and suffered, and then seemed to sink into apathy and cynicism.

It was like he no longer cared, as if he were going through the motions of living and his body was the only thing that tied him to the mortal world.

Iruka wished Naruto would do something, even if it was to demonstrate how much he hated him; he just wanted an honest response. Carefully, he lifted a hand to gently caress Naruto left cheek, and felt saddened when he noticed that Naruto still flinched small as the action was.

How he wished that he never hit Naruto, never made him cower in fear of him like the other base people.

What if he hadn't called him demon that day? Would it have changed anything? Or would things have remained the same?

Naruto remained motionless underneath his palm, eyes turned away from him, still like a lifeless doll his breath held in his tension ridden body.

"Naruto look at me I don't hate you anymore, please believe me, and believe that just because a lot of people in this village don't like you that this means that you won't be able to make any friends at the academy." Iruka pressed, his arms wrapping around Naruto's slim waist and holding his frail body against his own listening to the fast beating of Naruto's heart, like a captive bird trying to escape and wished that Naruto could relax completely in his presence.

He wished for many things now in his latter years but that would not change a thing. In the beginning he had become Naruto's caretaker for this exact purpose, to kill the light in his eyes, to torture him for every imagined wrong. He never knew he would regret his hasty actions done with little forethought but now he did. He loved Naruto, his golden child, a love that veered from parental to lust but love all the same.

He just hoped it wasn't too late to mend this bridge with the petite blonde that was trying not to push away from his grasp. Someday he'd make Naruto see reason, someday.

And then he'd freely claim those rose petal lips that called to him, that made him want to ravish the blonde all over again and-

A softly gasped "Iie…" brought him from his musings into frightened blue eyes, and sometimes he wished Naruto wasn't so damn expressive.

"I'm sorry Naruto, I forgot myself, it won't happen again." Iruka said with a kind reassuring smile meant to calm Naruto.

It didn't.

"May I go now? Class will start soon, I have no wish to be late." Naruto said barely above a whisper, swollen red lips standing out against his suddenly pallid countenance.

Sometimes Iruka wondered if his patience was worth it.

---

He doesn't care for me. I know it, but I cannot completely relax in his arms, like I should to make my mask perfect. The mask of a doll, perfect and lifeless. Despite the years passing, I can't completely perfect it.

I would prefer to have the old Iruka back, the one who hated me outright. He didn't try and lie with these pretty words.

He didn't make me wish that those words were real.

---

As I begin to lose my grip

On these realities your sending

Taste your mind and taste your sex

I'm naked underneath your cover

Covers lie and we will bend and borrow

With the coming sign

The tide will take the sea will rise and time will rape