I See You

V.

The late November rain was chilly and penetrating. It seemed to seep through all his layers of clothes, right to his already too cold skin. It seemed impossible these days to get warm enough. He was returning from his one year mission. He felt dark and gloomy. He'd felt dark and gloomy every single day since Iruka had left.
Every day when Genma woke up, he thought 'Maybe today. Maybe today I'll feel better. Maybe today I won't miss him so much that my chest aches. Maybe this will be the day it'll all be okay'. But so far that day hadn't come. Obviously some weeks, even months, wouldn't cut it. But it's already been a year. It didn't matter what, he just couldn't forget the ghost chūnin. He felt barely alive. He went to missions, sort of ate, and slept a lot. Most nights he woke up, sweating, but there was never anyone in his room. Never anyone whispering his name.

Genma found himself looking for little clues, hoping for a sign that Iruka was still there. Moved scrolls, a neatly made bed, that remembered feeling that the young chūnin was watching over him. He desperately wanted to feel it, but honestly there was nothing. Iruka really was gone. Genma was glad that he had made the young ninja finally feel loved but he wished that his consequence wouldn't suck so much.

He'd been assigned an one year mission. He was to act as personal guard to a wealthy client who was likely to be targeted by enemy assassins. It was likely to be a highly lucrative contract that would bring in significant income for the village. He accepted not only because he didn't have another choice, but because he thought it would help him to forget about Iruka.

He entered his apartment, almost tripping from exhaustion. He was dirty, some blood still on his vest, some deeper cuts still bleeding. Raidō would make a fuss. Ok, so say hello, bath then, then eat, then pass out on he couch…He stepped in, toed off his shoes and threw his raincoat on the floor. He sighed, he really wouldn't make it to the bathroom. He was too tired.

"Oi, Gen...are you okay?" Genma looked up at Raidō. His face full of concern. Genma didn't say anything. He allowed his friend helping him to the bathroom. Raidō immediately filled the tub and helped Genma taking off his shirt, pants and hitae-ate. "You baka…You should have gone to the hospital."

Genma stepped into the tub and signed as the warm water touched his skin. "It's too far and I was too tired to go there. Our house is closer."

Raidō just shook his head. He sat on the edge of the tub and started washing his friend's hair.
After some minutes of silence Genma spoke again. "So, aren't you going to tell me what happened in the village during my absence? No-one missed me?"

Raidō laughed. "Of course we miss you. Anko was really worried about you." The scarred jōnin paused for a minute and then continued. "Ah, there was a teacher who betrayed the village and almost killed his best friend but the Kyūbi vessel..um, Uzumaki Naruto, saved the day…well, almost since he's the one who caused the all problem. But we can't blame him. He's just a child and he believed in that bustard..."

"Hmm…" Was all that Genma said. He wasn't really paying too much attention to what Raidō was saying. His friend was massaging his head and it felt too good.

"…and Kakashi took a team to train," Raidō continued. "The team seven. One of the kids is Naruto. It seems like the kid has potential. Oh, and we all think Kakashi changed a lot. Anko think it's because he is dating Umi..."

Genma closed his eyes lost in the sensations he was feeling on his head. His friend's voice trailed off in his mind, and didn't hear the name of Kamahi’s lover. He started thinking about Iruka. Maybe tomorrow he could go to visit the chūnin's grave. He couldn't believe he didn't think about it before. Iruka didn't die as a hero, so his name wouldn't be on the memorial stone, but for sure he was buried not so far from there. He just had to look for it.

..👻👻👻..

/He felt hands touching his face. He couldn't figure out who was the person touching him so tenderly and asking him to stay. He got closer to the person and placed a kiss on their lips. The kiss was light and it lasted long until the person slowly dragged their lips to the curve of his jaw. He could only tilt his head back, giving them more access to his neck when that wonderful mouth finally settled on his throat, teeth and lips mixing together as a shuddering moan broke free from his parted lips.

It was strange. He couldn't feel the touches but at same time he could feel it. He wanted to touch more. He wanted to know who was the person there with him. The person who was making him feel so alive and warm.

"Iruka don't go…I love you." He heard the whisper full of sadness and fear.

Then suddenly he felt cold and he was all alone in his naked form. He looked around in need only to see darkness. Then the tears began to fall down his face.

He was alone once again./

He woke up with a gasp and shivered. He shut his eyes tight and buried his face in his pillow. He was aware of the tears that began to pour out of his eyes and how he was trying to keep his sobs in a low volume.

Those dreams were regular since the day he'd woken up from the coma. Dreams of a him with someone. Someone who made him feel so happy. "I can't do this." He sobbed out and more tears came out, soaking his pillow.

"'Ruka?! Are you alright?"

He stopped crying and turned his face immediately. He'd forgotten his lover was with him. "I'm fine Kakashi. It was just a dream."

The silver-haired jōnin frowned. "You were crying Iruka. Are you having nightmares again? Maybe we can..."

"No, no…" Iruka cut him off, smiling gently. "It's okay. It was just a bad dream. Nothing more."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm hundred percent sure." Dark-brown eyes met mismatched ones. "I really don't know how to pay everything you did for me, Kakashi. Without you, I really don't know if..."

"Maa…it was nothing. And we promised we wouldn't talk about it anymore right?" Kakashi smiled and Iruka couldn't help but melt. The jōnin was beautiful; an alabaster Adonis basking beneath the silver rays of the moon. His pale skin glowed almost ethereally against the light and the many fine scars that he'd earned in the line of duty were now scarcely noticeable. His facial structure was a work of art and it was a shame that he kept such a magnificent feature behind that mask of his. However, Iruka felt a certain hauteur in knowing that he was the only one to be graced with such a phenomenon. "You know, you don't need to pay me." There was a pause as if Kakashi was giving a second thought of what he just said. "Actually, you need to pay me, and I only accept one kind of payment from you."

Iruka blushed slightly. "You know I can't. I will start my job in the Mission Desk tomorrow. And I have a new class to teach. I heard Konohamaru will be one of my students and you know that he's a second Naruto. I can't be late."

Kakashi laughed. "I know. I will let you sleep."

The jōnin reached for Iruka, taking him into his arms and pulling the chūnin underneath his hard body. Without saying a word, Kakashi lowered his head and covered Iruka's mouth, using his teeth and his tongue to tease the younger man's lips apart. Iruka allowed him entrance as Kakashi tasted him, kissing him with an intensity that left Iruka weak.

Iruka always felt strange when Kakashi kissed him. It was different from the kisses the person in his dreams gave him. "Ka-kashi…" He whimpered. "I…work...tomorrow...remember?"

Kakashi signed. He drew the chūnin closer until they were pressed flush against each other and Iruka feared his face would melt away from the heat of his blush. Goosebumps rose on his skin when a calloused hand tenderly rubbed against his smooth arm and a heavy thigh wrapped itself around his hips. "You know I can't get enough of you, but I'll stop now. I know you'll have a tough day tomorrow. Sleep." He said placing a kiss on Iruka's forehead. "I love you."

Iruka smiled and closed his eyes and allowed himself to sleep.

Tbc