Almost Sucks

Almost Sucks
by Mashiro

Naruto fandom, series, no spoilers
AU, BOYS LOVE: Naruto x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Lee x Gaara

first version: June 11th 2007, Monday
second version: December 5th 2008, Friday

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DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the rights to the Naruto series or characters and I make no money writing this. I’m just a fan. This is fan fiction.

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56: Phone calls

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When he locked the door to the apartment and slipped the key in his pocket, Shikamaru wondered if Sasuke would be very upset about him having drugged the boyfriend. It wasn’t like he had any bad intentions. There were just things he had to do and could only do alone, and Naruto didn’t seem like the type of guy that listened when people said ‘stay here for a while. I’ve got things to do.’ At least not in this situation.

He could have taken the time to try and properly explain things to the blond and maybe convince him that it was better if he just stayed in the apartment and got some sleep so that he was rested tomorrow. Shikamaru just wasn’t sure it would have worked or how long it would have taken, and he didn’t really have much time to spare. Pills in juice were so much easier than persuasion. And quicker, more efficient and more accurate; it had less risk of failure and relapse. Even if Shikamaru somehow managed to convince Naruto he should stay in the apartment, how long would it take for the guy to change his mind? The path that required the least amount of effort should always win on a Saturday. Not that that explanation would make Sasuke any happier.

Sasuke hated it when people grew on him, when he started to care about someone enough that he wanted them to stay. It scared the life out of him, because what he cared for would hurt him when he lost it. At the same time he loved it. Sasuke loved getting attached and having someone grow on him, become part of his life. He had never said it, but it showed. Shikamaru supposed it had something to do with overcoming his fears and not letting his brother defeat him.

They were rare, the people Sasuke had let himself get attached to. He had lots of friends, semi-friends and acquaintances, but his family was small. There was Kakashi and there was Shikamaru. The end. Or it would have been the end a few months ago. Shikamaru wasn’t entirely sure when it had happened, didn’t think even Sasuke knew, but Sasuke had let Naruto really grow on him.

Shikamaru didn’t know why it gnawed at him, the fact that Sasuke had decided to include Naruto in his family, but it did. He knew it was a good thing, that Naruto was good and good for Sasuke. He knew. What had he told Sasuke those months ago?

‘I don’t really care; I just don’t want you to throw away something that you might want to keep, just because you don’t want to accept that you want to keep it.’

And he meant that. Really, really meant that. But it gnawed at him anyway.

He might try to convince himself that it was because they had known each other for such a short time; but that would be stupid. Hadn’t it been about the same amount of time when Kakashi and Shikamaru had become Sasuke’s family? He could also try to convince himself that he was just overreacting. Maybe they weren’t at all as close as his gut was saying. He could be wrong, hadn’t seen much of the two together, after all. But he wasn’t wrong.

‘He took my clothes. He had his own in... in my room, but... he took mine from the laundry. I haven’t... seen him since last night.’

Sasuke had cared enough that he had run away. It mattered. Naruto mattered and what they had mattered. Sasuke would have stayed if it had been nothing.

This had happened before; events similar to this one, at least in feeling. It had happened with Shikamaru himself and with Kakashi. This was Sasuke saying ‘I don’t need you.’ Or rather ‘I don’t want to need you.’ ‘I don’t want to feel better because you are here.’ ‘I don’t want to get hurt when you leave.’

This was Sasuke’s way of trying to free himself of the bonds he had let grow. Not with all his might, not because he really, truly wanted them to break, he just had to... test their strength. See if they were maybe just in his mind, from his point of view. Shikamaru supposed that what Sasuke was really saying was ‘I care about you. Do you care enough about me?’

Shikamaru didn’t accept that as what he truly wanted, but there was a part of him that wanted Naruto to say ‘No. You’re too much trouble.’

He left the building and walked to the bus stop he always used when he was going into town. It was one of the good lines where the buses came frequently, so within five minutes a blue and white vehicle pulled to a stop beside him and he could get on. He showed his City Card to the driver and took a seat by the window in the middle of the rear half of the bus.

The City Card was only good for three months, then you had to buy a new one, but during those three months you could get on anything (bus, train, subway, even the horse carriage rides in the park and the boat tours on the river) and go anywhere you wanted within city limits. You could use it at any time and how many times you wanted.

Shikamaru and Sasuke used to both have City Cards. They had gotten them extra cheap because they were still in school. While most of their traveling had been to get somewhere, sometimes they had just stepped on a bus or a train for fun, because they had nothing better to do. The favorite had been the boat tours on the river; water mixed with boat engine made a good ‘just wasting time’ soundtrack. ‘We’re like an engaged fucking couple,’ Sasuke had said once, with a snort and that lazily amused smile he used when he didn’t want to express too many emotions.

Shikamaru got off the bus at the eighth stop, two stops from the city central station. He crossed the street and walked for ten, fifteen minutes or so until he started looking for a phone booth. When he found one he got inside, shut the door; dug out some coins from his pocket and fed the machine.

He dialed a number he had never written down anywhere and never shared with anyone. It wasn’t on his cell phone and never would be. He wasn’t supposed to know it. The Leaf did not call the Sound, not for business like this, especially not someone like Shikamaru to someone as high up as this man; but they had common interests. Four signals came before the other side picked up.

“Yes?”

“Sorry to call,” Shikamaru said.

Something rustled, moved, on the other side before the voice returned.

“It’s been a while.”

“Fortunately.”

“Yes.”

“Are you out on business?” Shikamaru said and took notice of the writings on the dark blue walls of the phone booth. They weren’t everywhere, but there of course. Public property would probably never be able to escape kids and their markers.

“Why?” the other one said.

“Could things have happened at home that you’re not aware of?”

There was a short pause before a tired, annoyed sigh came.

“I thought he moved away.”

“He did,” Shikamaru sighed as well. “Look, I just want to know whether he stopped by your place or not.”

Another short pause.

“Right,” the one on the other side said. “I’ll call you back.”

There was a click followed by the beeping noise of ‘the one you talked to hung up.’ Shikamaru put the receiver back where he had taken it; closed his eyes for a second and made a face. Turned in the booth and looked around. It was a quiet street, only a few people out. The color of the sky said that the sun was getting closer to the horizon, closer to disappearing. It had gotten considerably colder as during the afternoon, icy winds sweeping in between buildings.

Sasuke talked to the shrinks when he had to; he’d lived more years with those talks than without them. But that was just Sasuke the patient, not Sasuke the person. When he was without expectations, without threats of even more talks or medication or hospitalization again, Sasuke preferred not to talk about what went on inside his head. At least when it came to the things that really mattered.

He could point out and share silly or frustrating or stupid things, especially when he was drunk. He could answer questions in class, let people know where he was going and order food at fast food restaurants. He could curse and hiss or yell at people when they annoyed him (though the yelling was mostly reserved for Kakashi and sometimes Tsunade).

Tsunade was interesting actually because she was both a shrink and not a shrink. Sasuke talked to her both as a patient and as a person.

On rare occasions Sasuke expressed gratitude for things that had been done for him. For rescues from particularly wild parties, help through the aftermath of some trips to see Itachi and being talked out of doing something stupid. This thing that was happening now was nothing really, not in comparison. At least it wasn’t supposed to be. The gratitude had always come afterwards though. A few hours or days afterwards, sometimes a week or two, depending on what had happened.

That was pretty much the thing with Sasuke the person. He could talk about deeper things, things that went on in his head, but only after they had passed. He didn’t say: ‘I feel this way now,’ or ‘I worry that this might happen in the future.’ He didn’t ask for help with what he was dealing with at the moment, with what he wanted to solve.

As a friend to Sasuke the person, you could only stand by and either notice what was wrong and do what you thought he needed, or not notice and do your best to pick up the pieces afterwards. Shikamaru supposed you got the same deal as a boyfriend.

The phone rang and Shikamaru answered.

“There’s nothing you can do,” the voice on the other side said with a sigh. “He’s at the main house.”

Shikamaru closed his eyes for a second again. Not that he was surprised.

“I understand,” he said.

“I’ll see what I can do once I get back, but it will take a while; I’m in the middle of something.”

“Thanks.”

Shikamaru chose to walk home. He felt like this was a problem that required thinking while walking. Over the years of being alive and solving various problems around him, Shikamaru had noticed that different problems needed different kinds of thinking if you wanted to solve them quickly and efficiently. So he walked.

He had lied to Naruto before. He knew where ‘the man’ lived. He knew, but it didn’t matter. He couldn’t go there.

The main house wasn’t a house really; more like a really big, fancy apartment building. They just called it ‘main house’ because it sounded cooler (or so Shikamaru guessed). This main house was situated in the middle of Sound territory and was where the most secret meetings were held and the most secret things were discussed and decided. It was also where the most important guys in the faction lived. Orochimaru was there, of course; Shikamaru remembered hearing something about the top floor from someone, somewhere.

Not that it would have a difference if it had been the first floor. It was not possible for a member of one faction to get close enough to even see the entrance of another faction’s main house. It was part of the rules. Trying would just be a fancy way of getting shot. If there was such a thing. And that was the main house where Sasuke was. Probably on the top floor.

While Naruto would make it much further than Shikamaru, not being attached to any faction, he still wouldn’t make it as far as he needed to go to get to Sasuke. He probably wouldn’t get shot... Or... Maybe he would. Yeah. If what Shikamaru had seen of the guy so far was any indicator of future behavior, Naruto would get himself shot pretty quickly. And Shikamaru had a distinct feeling that he was the one that would be blamed when Sasuke found out. Drugging the boyfriend was one thing; letting the boyfriend get himself shot was a whole other. You did not let the things that Sasuke had attached himself to get hurt and get away with it. The only bright side to letting Naruto go alone was that Sasuke might get pissed off enough at the Sound to leave them alone in the future.

They could always wait. There was a possibility that the whole thing would sort itself out and Sasuke would decide to go back on his own. Actually it was very likely. Sasuke had been to the Sound main house before and he’d come back alive and in one piece. But there was that ‘that it works five times doesn’t guarantee that it will work six’ saying. At least Shikamaru felt there should be a saying like that.

The Sound main house was not a safe place for Sasuke to spend his time. Sure, Sasuke might argue that ‘safe’ was a word that needed definition. Nothing was really safe, just like everyone was really just wandering toward their death. But there were philosophies with the Sound faction that weren’t designed to make it easy for people to grow old and keep their livers (or the rest of their bodies for that matter) intact. Drinking (heavily), drugs and fighting; preferably at the same time. Not everyone in the Sound faction was into that kind of living (as with all groups of people, there were varieties), but the ones Sasuke knew and spent his time with were.

But it wasn’t just the general philosophies of the place that made the Sound main house an unsafe place for Shikamaru’s friend however. There was also Orochimaru. The owner of the downtown music store Legion and leader of the Sound faction had an interest in Sasuke. It was because of that interest that Sasuke got away with as much as he got away with; hanging with the Sound as if he was attached to them, without being a member, while still having a lot of connections with the Leaf. Everyone knew that Orochimaru had an interest in Sasuke. Unfortunately, everyone knowing about it had lead to it losing significance, at least to Sasuke, whom it definitely should not lose significance to. Sometimes that guy was so idiotic it was ridiculous. And scary. He didn’t see, or he chose to ignore. Shikamaru wasn’t sure which one was worse.

It had never been really established exactly what kind of interest it was. Some claimed it was a purely sexual one, but those people were either idiots or too far down the rumor chain to have a clue. Others said that Orochimaru was looking for a successor. The ones saying that were usually a little closer to where things happened, not just were talked about.

Shikamaru didn’t think it was simple enough that one reason could explain it. There probably was a sexual interest, judging on what he had heard, but that was far from everything; couldn’t be everything. Not that Shikamaru was really interested in an explanation. He just wanted whatever it was as far away from his friend as possible.

Because of the warnings; the warnings Shikamaru’s gut sent him and the warnings he had received from other sources. Orochimaru was not a nice man. Yes, ‘nice’ was another one of those words that could be discussed. What was nice? What was not nice? Shikamaru was fairly sure however that he could look at almost everyone’s definition of ‘nice’ and still not be able to fit that man into it. And if he did the same with ‘dangerous’ and ‘immoral’, Orochimaru was sure to be there.

The fact that nothing really had happened so far meant nothing. Nothing except that the sixth, bad time had come closer. So Shikamaru didn’t want to wait.

He did have a plan. Sort of. Or... it was rather more of an idea than a plan. An idea that had been poking at his mind ever since he got that phone call from Naruto and heard what had happened; as soon as his mind had started putting things together and work on a solution (and that had been immediately). While he had wanted to rule out other possibilities first, Shikamaru had been fairly sure that Sasuke had been at the Sound main house. If he had been forced to make a decision right away and get no second chances, he would have acted on the idea even before he told Naruto to get on the bus to the city.

There was a way of getting into the Sound main house. And hopefully out again as well, with Sasuke. If everything worked out. The reason Shikamaru hadn’t acted on the idea from the beginning was... well, he didn’t quite like it. It was chancy, desperate and the risk of it causing heaps of trouble was frustratingly big. People would be pissed off and people would get hurt. And that was if things went well. It really wasn’t something Shikamaru should be doing. He shouldn’t even think about doing it. Unfortunately, it was that or waiting and waiting was out of the question. (Going alone and sending Naruto didn’t count as plans.)

Shikamaru sighed. He wondered why he always seemed to attract so many annoying situations. Why were most of his friends such idiots? All he wanted was a simple, boring life; his friends and his family safe and plenty of time to take naps.

Two streets from home, Shikamaru took his cell phone from his pocket and dialed the number he had most recently memorized. He pressed the call-button and the other side picked up almost immediately.

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An hour later, Shikamaru came home to a silent and dark apartment. His parents were still out and Naruto was still drugged. He grabbed the phone on his way to the kitchen and unfolded the small piece of paper he’d received just minutes ago. On it were a series of big, round, slightly uneven digits, a phone number, that had been written with a very short, chewed on, faded green pencil. Shikamaru had seen it.

It was slightly scary how much you could accomplish with a computer if you knew what you were doing; really knew what you were doing, Shikamaru doubted just anyone could have pulled off what he had just seen.

He sat down at the table and moved the glass that had contained Naruto’s magical orange juice. Sighed. Dialed the number. This had turned into quite a day for phone calls, hadn’t it?

“Yeah?” the voice on the other end belonged to a woman. A slightly annoyed woman, or so it seemed.

“Is Gaara there?”

“Who wants to know?”

“A friend.”

“What friend?”

Shikamaru made a face. It had to be Gaara’s sister, Temari. He had done some research on the former murderer after he returned from that first visit when Sasuke had been sick and had found out that Gaara had left the city with his sister and brother. No parents left.

“Gaara’s friend?” Shikamaru said and let a hint ‘are you an idiot?’ bleed into his voice. Hoped it would work. “Is he in?”

Though when he thought about it, during the short moment of silence that followed, he came to the conclusion that he had to be the idiot. Annoyed women did not respond well to a hint of ‘are you an idiot?’ Shikamaru had spent enough time around his mother that he should have known. And around Tsunade too, he supposed.

Temari chuckled.

“You don’t want to tell me your name,” she said.

Shikamaru winced. It could have been such an innocent and nice conversation. ‘Is Gaara there?’ ‘Sure! Just a second, I’ll get him.’ Shikamaru sighed. As if life was ever that simple for him. He supposed it made sense though, her caution, with the life these people had most likely lived before their father was killed.

“No,” he said. “But I really want to talk to Gaara.”

“I’m sure you do,” she said and shifted the phone against her ear as if making herself comfortable. She sounded more amused than annoyed now actually. Maybe being a pain cheered her up. Shikamaru sighed again. This was pointless.

“Fine,” he said. “It’s about Naruto.”

It was quiet on the other side for a moment and Shikamaru could almost hear the mood changing.

“What about Naruto?” Temari asked slowly. She was not amused anymore. “Who are you?”

“I’m a friend of Sasuke, Naruto’s friend.”

“What about Naruto?” She repeated in almost a snarl.

“He’s fine,” Shikamaru said and tried to make his voice sound as harmless and truthful as possible; though he wondered how big the chances were that she would believe him. It must sound awfully suspicious, this phone call. “He’s at my place. He would have called himself, but he’s sleeping and I don’t want to waste any time. He’s got some problems and is going to need help.”

It was quiet for a moment again.

“You’re Nara Shikamaru, aren’t you?” Temari said eventually, slowly. “The suicidal Leaf guy. Gaara told us about you.”

Shikamaru frowned. Was that a good or a bad thing?

“He said that you care a lot about Sasuke,” she continued. “He also said that you’re supposed to be smart.”

“Supposed to be,” Shikamaru muttered.

A small, old lady under an umbrella walked on the sidewalk that ran past their kitchen window. Another moment of silence passed before Temari spoke again.

“Alright.” She sounded slightly worried; like she was almost fiddling, though she didn’t seem to be the type. “Gaara’s not here. I’ll give you the number to reach him.”

“Thank you,” Shikamaru said. He found a pencil on the kitchen counter and wrote down the number she gave him on the note below big, slightly uneven ones. Very different styles. Both numbers had been written slowly, but still they ended up very different. Maybe it was the pencils.

“I think Naruto would appreciate it if you didn’t mention his whereabouts to his father,” Shikamaru said when he had finished writing. “In case he calls.”

“I bet he would,” Temari chuckled. She sounded amused again, though not as amused as she had been before. “You haven’t met Iruka-san, have you? If you had, you would have known that you didn’t need to say it.”

Before Shikamaru could reply, she continued, her voice serious again.

“I wouldn’t have given you that number unless I thought you were smart enough to figure out what would happen if you tried to pull anything with us,” Temari said. “But in case you’re not, just to make things clear; if you do anything to get anyone from this town in trouble, I’ll come after you. Though... there won’t be anything left but bones to spit on by the time I arrive, because I won’t get to you first.”

“I’ll... keep that in mind,” Shikamaru said and couldn’t help the shivers that ran through him. He knew what she was talking about; had once had the displeasure of seeing the results of Gaara of the Sand. He’d had nightmares after that.

“Pleasure to talk,” Temari said. Then she hung up.

People would be pissed off and people would get hurt. Shikamaru hated this plan already.

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