Inbred

Sorry for the delay. I’ve been sick XD

Punched out this one and updated it in all its un-spell-checked glory. Oh, by the way, I had to open a new word document and call it Inbred part 2 because the first one was too long and I wasn’t getting those red squiggly lines under typos anymore. I think I make my chapters too long.

Anyway the warnings in this one include…nothing major, just slight Jiraiya / Tsunade at the end.

Oh and just to clear up what soft_touches asked. Don’t worry, Sasuke and Hinata don’t have a hidden romance or a secret past. Hinata just chose to play with Sasuke so she’d bond with him more and everyone was kinda surprised since they expected she’d pair up with Naruto. What Sasuke meant by he was happy to have her here was supposed to be a double meaning attempt that I know I failed miserably at. 1. He meant he was glad that she chose to be on his team and 2. He meant he was glad to have her in his life since she’s like a sister to him.

I hope that allayed all your concerns.


Chapter 58
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Naruto made himself comfortable in a plush, living-room sofa with one leg thrown over the arm-rest and the other stretched far out before him. He drummed his fingers impatiently on his flat stomach and yawned through sheer boredom as he waited for a response from the receiver he had cradled between his ear and one shoulder.

He knew she was home. It was Sunday and she never went out on that day unless she absolutely had to. So then…why did she not answer?

Naruto was just about to hang up and try again, thinking he’d dialed a wrong number in error, when the line finally became engaged and a woman’s lilting greeting reached his ears.

“Hi Auntie!” Naruto beamed at the sound of her voice and it was only then that he was dreadfully aware of how much he truly missed her.

“Hi, Naruto,” she chirped, just as exuberantly as he did and it was not hard to tell that she was glad to hear him as well. “How’s my baby?”

“Chaa. I told you to stop calling me that,” the teen said with a roll of his eyes that were now sparking with unshed tears.

Tsunade laughed heartily like any parent would after listening to their child tell them how ‘lame’ they were. “Oh, pardon me,” she teased on a light chuckle. “I’ve forgotten that you’re all grown up now. You’re already in college and living on your own. My baby bird’s even spread his wings and is traveling the world and meeting new people.” Her humor died on a deep, ruminative sigh and her tone became ardent when she added, “But I want you to know Naruto, that no matter how old you get, you’ll always be my little man.”

His throat became clogged and Naruto bit hard on his lip to prevent himself from crying at the moniker his Aunt always used when lovingly referring to him. Dammit! He was a big boy now, he shouldn’t be simpering like a child everytime Tsunade said something sappy. He was too old for her creative breakfasts made into smiley faces even though they always made him giggle. He was big enough to buy his own boxers, even though Tsunade had better taste than he did. He no longer watched her ‘Grease’, ‘Singing in The Rain’ or ‘Casablanca’ DVDs with her even though he enjoyed those timeless classics just as much as she did and Naruto even went so far as to beg her to stop singing that corny lullaby when he reached eleven. That same lullaby that she’d sung to him the first night she welcomed him into her home. The very lullaby he used to hum in his head for comfort whenever he was lonely, nervous or afraid. The very same lullaby he was going to make her sing to him the second he returned home.

“Hey Auntie, you sound really far away,” Naruto rasped after clearing his throat while blinking furiously in an attempt to change the topic before he reached that breaking point.

“Yeah, I’m on speaker phone,” she explained. “I’m folding the laundry now, and you know me, if I stop I’ll never get started again,” and Naruto laughed because he knew the woman’s lackadaisical, household habits all too well.

“Not that it matters or anything,” a masculine voice spoke up from her end. “She’s just standing here yapping away with you while I’m doing all the work.”

“Old man, you’re there too?” Naruto laughed.

“Yep. Tonight’s Spanish rice and meatloaf,” Jiraiya revealed his ulterior motive for even being in Tsunade’s house when he knew very well that she did chores on that day, and Tsunade made it implicitly clear that he would not have any unless he pitched in.

“Ahh, you’re so lucky. I wish I was there,” the young boy practically drooled and he closed his eyes and imagined a heaping plate of the dish he revered so much but could never transcend his number one meal. Ramen.

“I wish you were here too, then I wouldn’t have to mow the lawn,” Jiraiya groused.

“Stop your bitching,” Tsunade snapped, her patience already thread bare with her ex’s constant whining. “All this work is going to do is give you an even bigger appetite.”

“If I work twice as hard can you fix me up with some of your delicious apple cobbler?”

Tsunade considered his bargain for a moment before saying, “If you trim the hedges too, then maybe I’ll think about it.”

Naruto chortled and he suddenly felt sorry for the other man. Tsunade had used apple cobbler as a bargaining chip many times on him before and the odds of her actually following through with the deal was one in seventy. But Jiraiya didn’t mind, even if it meant increasing his chances of having the dessert by a mere one percent because tonight he would be eating like a king.

“How’s Sasuke?” Tsunade asked of her son. “Is he taking good care of you?”

“Pfft, I don’t need him to take care of me.”

“Oh, of course not,” the woman said sarcastically. “Like that time you almost choked on a block of ice. I’m sure you didn’t need Sasuke to perform the Heimlich on you then.”

“And what about that time you had the flu and left your wallet at home and Sasuke had to pay for your medication out of his own pocket?” Jiraiya piqued in.

“Yep,” and Tsunade started giggling. “Oh, and don’t forget that time they were playing paint ball and Naruto’s surprise attack failed when he sprained his ankle after jumping out of a tree.”

“Yeah, I remember that,” Jiraiya snapped his fingers at the humorous memory of the tall Uchiha carrying an indignated Naruto piggy-back because he made such a stink about being carried bridal-fashion. “Then there was the time that-“

“Alright already…Jeez!” the embarrassed youth screeched into the receiver but his outburst only made both adults laugh even louder.

“So, where is your guardian angel anyway?” Tsunade asked and couldn’t help herself but make one more jab at the boy. “I hope he didn’t leave you home alone.”

Naruto had told them that he was now staying at the Uchiha estate and no longer boarding on campus, and as much as Tsunade was against the arrangement, there was nothing she could do to change it. She was uncomfortable with Naruto living on Sasuke’s private residence because she didn’t want him to be a further burden upon the boy, who had already done so much for her ward, but Naruto assured her it was not a problem. After all, it was Sasuke’s idea.

“He’s probably in Seventh Heaven,” Naruto muttered under his breath as he tried not to imagine what was going on behind Sasuke’s bedroom door. They’d said they’d wanted their privacy so they could do some ‘studying’ (was that what they called it now?). They’d probably only said that for Hinata’s benefit anyway, but Naruto was no idiot. Who the hell studied on weekends anyway?

Apparently, Neji and Sasuke did, because, what Naruto didn’t know was that they were, in fact, hitting the books and they were glad for the lack of interruptions which enabled them to get much work done. Sasuke was patient as he went through the new syllabus with Neji for the second time that afternoon, but Hyuuga was smart and she caught on very quickly. Sasuke felt awful that Neji was getting left behind because Kakashi moved along since everyone had become overly familiar with their previous chapter and, remembering his promise to his sensei, he made it his responsibility to make sure Neji stayed on top of her curriculum and her class mates.

“What did you get?” Neji asked as she scribbled her final answer on the sheet of paper she was working on.

“Probably the same thing you did,” Sasuke replied, positive that she’d worked out the correct answer. Neji reached over and took Sasuke’s folder to peruse his work-through and as she furrowed her brow and scanned his notes, Sasuke’s eyes were glued to the little tongue that peeked out at him from between soft, moist lips.

“You’re still doing it the long way?” Neji asked, satisfied that she’d got the same answer her mate did and she placed his binder back on the bed in front of him.

“I like doing it this way,” Sasuke came to his method’s defense. He’d shown Neji both ways of solving these types of problems and the Hyuuga had immediately taken a liking to the shorter method but while it promised a quicker solution, the slightest miscalculation would produce an erroneous answer. That was why Sasuke stuck to the alternate and more aggravating means because it was nearly impossible to get it wrong unless you were really trying.

Neji shrugged and left her boyfriend to his own preferences. She knew all too well that nothing but Sasuke’s own will would ever change his mind once it was made up. “Suit yourself,” she muttered under her breath and lifted her arms high above her head in a relaxing stretch. It felt good and her spine seemed to sigh with relief as it worked out the cramp that had settled in from sitting, cross-legged on a soft bed and hunched over a work book.

Sasuke looked up just in time to catch the bejeweled belly-ring as it was reveled beneath the hem of Neji’s shirt and he reached out to touch it with curious fingers. The Hyuuga winced and brought down her hands in time to halt his. “Does it still hurt?” dark eyes looked up to question her light ones.

“No…sorry,” she apologized and released his wrist. “It’s just a reflex.”

The piercing had healed completely by now but she had grown so protective of it over the past few days that anything that came within inches of her stomach was intercepted. And it was usually, always Sasuke’s hand. He took the tiny piece of jewelry between a thumb and forefinger and gave it a light tug, causing the girl to shudder and hiss softly through her teeth. “Does that hurt?” he asked, testing the extent of her pain.

Neji shook her head. “Feels good, actually.”

Sasuke roughly shoved the stationery out of his way as he got to his knees before her causing them to land messily on the carpeted floor beneath. Neji didn’t get the chance to berate him for treating her school supplies so shoddily because he was already pushing her back against the mattress and looming imperiously over her. A high-pitched moan escaped her throat when he yanked it a little harder this time and Neji lifted her hips a few inches off the bed. “You like that, koi?” he asked with a husky chuckle and the girl nodded on a tiny whimper.

“Sasuke, what are you doing?” Neji gasped suddenly when she saw his dark head descend upon her flat stomach, but she already had an idea of what he was up to next and her body tingled with excitement.

“I’ve been wanting to do this the first time I saw it,” he murmured, his warm breath wafting over the cold metal and Neji’s heated skin.

She held her breath in anticipation. She’d been longing for her mate to do something like this as well and she could not take her eyes away or even blink as he bared his teeth and clamped them around the delicate object. Sasuke pulled against it and Neji threw back her head into the mattress to push her hips against his mouth and moaned loudly.

“Hold still,” the Uchiha rasped and grabbed her thin waist to press her securely against the bed.

“Do that again, Sasuke,” she pleaded on a shaky breath, completely ignoring his demand and squirming restlessly beneath him.

He willingly obliged and dipped his head again to take the jewelry into his mouth but this time he closed his lips around it as well and began to suckle.

“Oh God…yeah,” Neji gasped and she threaded her fingers in his black locks as encouragement. A steady stream of saliva slipped from his mouth, coating the ring, dribbling over Neji’s abdomen and pooling inside her navel and Sasuke used his tongue to lick the piercing and lap at her salty skin. He grabbed the belly chain that was affixed to the ring and wrapped loosely around her waist and tugged gently against it for added stimulation and Neji let him know how much she liked it by stroking his head, back and shoulders.

A loud knock at the door intruded the fog of lust that had settled over them and the Uchiha growled when he heard Naruto’s voice on the other side of the room.

“Go away!” Sasuke yelled his annoyance.

“This will only take a few minutes Sasuke, now come downstairs,” his friend persisted.

“No. Leave us alone. We’re trying to study here,” and Neji covered her mouth to hide a knowing smirk while Naruto barked a laugh.

“Hah! How much do you want to bet that if I open this door right now, studying will be the last thing you two are doing?”

Irritation settled in on the Uchiha’s handsome face and the young man sighed in defeat and got off his mate so he could pull her off the bed as well. “This had better be important,” Sasuke groused after he angrily swung open the door and Naruto’s tanned cheeks lifted in a wide grin when he saw Sasuke’s disheveled hair and moist lips and knew that he had been right.

“Come, Auntie Tsunade wants to say hello,” and he bounded ahead of the two to make his way back downstairs.

Sasuke didn’t want to be rude by blowing off Naruto’s guardian for a steamy make-out session with Neji but after he greeted the woman and exchanged a few cordial words with her, when he tried to lure Neji back upstairs, the Hyuuga did not want to leave.

“Who’s that?” she whispered so her voice wouldn’t carry into the conversation Naruto was once again having with his folks.

“Hm? Oh, that’s Naruto’s mother,” he supplied and wrapped his arms around his love’s waist so he could pull her flush against him.

“The one that adopted him?” she asked, also curious as to the nature of the teen’s discussion with his parent and what she’d said to make him laugh like that.

Sasuke stepped back to look into the face of his lover and when he realized that her attention was on Naruto and she was no longer interested in him, he cut his losses. “Yeah, that’s her. Actually, her ex is there too,” he explained. “He’s kinda like Naruto’s father-figure and helped raise him while he was living with Tsunade-obasan.”

Neji looked up at him then. “You have a lot of respect for his parents as well?”

Sauske blinked and wasn’t sure what Neji was talking about until he recalled the honorific he’d used to refer to the woman. He hated just calling her ‘Tsunade’ even though she said she preferred it that way but adding obasan must have been a psychological slip of the tongue. Sasuke never saw his own aunties much when they were alive and as much as he tried to avoid bonding with Naruto’s parents, he sometimes found himself wishing that Tsunade was his auntie.

The woman was kind, and her heart contained a deep reservoir of generosity for people she cared about so it was very hard, no…impossible, to ignore her amicable advances once she’d put you in her good books and Sasuke found she was one of the few people he didn’t mind talking to at all. The only problem was, Sasuke enjoyed being in her company and loved when she doted on him as if he were her own son but he didn’t want Naruto to feel as if he had to compete with him for Tsunade’s love. Tsunade was not his mother, after all, and it would not be fair to Naruto, who only had Tsunade’s love to keep him afloat. That was why Sasuke always placed a blockade between himself and Naruto’s parents.

Just because he lost his did not give him the right to take Naruto’s.

”Yeah, they’re cool, I guess,” he said with a nonchalant shrug but Neji could tell that he wasn’t being as callous as he let on.

She didn’t say anything though and although she didn’t want to be nosy, she really wanted to hear what they were saying on the other side of the globe and Neji got her chance when Naruto complained about a cramp in his neck and switched the phone to hand’s free.

“-so lazy as always,” Tsunade clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth.

“Like mother like son,” Jiraiya mutterd, as he was left to fold the majority of the clothes now that his ex was wholly engrossed in the phone call. His voice was not low enough, however, and everyone heard him clearly.

“What’s that?” Tsunade asked. “I’m lazy, huh? Maybe I’m too lazy to cook this evening too.”

“No, no. I didn’t mean it like that,” he stammered, trying to do major damage control by pouring on the charm and compliments much too thickly.

“Ugh, Jiraiya enough,” Tsunade groaned.

“Yeah, you’re starting to sound really corny,” Naruto agreed.

“Those cheesy lines may work on the harlots in your trashy novels but they won’t work on me.”

“Oh no? If I remember correctly, you thought they were cute the first time I used them on you,” he drawled confidently.

And without skipping a beat, Tsunade countered with: “Only because you looked so pathetic and no other woman was stupid enough to fall for them.”

Naruto quickly became the instigator between the two, egging them both on and pitting the two elders against each other and Neji found the entire thing much too amusing and could not stop herself from laughing.

“Yeah, they’re always like that,” Sasuke said on a chuckle and took a seat on the couch adjacent to Naruto’s before pulling Neji to sit in his lap. “Those two are always bickering like an old, married couple.”

“Oh, they’re not married?” the perceptive Hyuuga asked and Sasuke shook his head.

“They were always on and off before they started living together when they were raising Naruto but they eventually fell back into their old habits and called it quits.”

“That’s a shame,” Neji mused sadly but her frown became a smile once more as Tsunade and Jiraiya aimed their insults away from each other and towards Naruto instead.

“Err…don’t you think you two are getting out of hand?” Jiraiya suggested when Tsunade’s and Naruto’s comments were getting particularly nasty and he was glad that they were separated by thousands of miles because confrontations like these always became physical.

“The only one getting out of hand is that little turd that thinks he can talk to me like that just because he’s out of punching range,” Tsunade huffed.

“I’d tell it to your face if you were standing right in front of me. I ain’t afraid of you,” Naruto screeched into the telephone.

“Oh…really?” she replied and Naruto imagined she had placed her hands on her hips and adopted that stance she usually took whenever she said that. “Then as soon as you bring your ass home, park it right in front of me, look me square in the eye and say it to my face. I dare you!”

The teen seemed to realize he’d made a grave mistake and faltered before saying rather cockily, “I don’t have to do anything you say.”

The next sound that came from the phone, echoed within the Uchiha living room and settled like an ominous cloud, causing an icy chill to creep along the spines of all that were unfortunate enough to hear it. Naruto hated that sound more than anyone and although no one had the displeasure of hearing it more than he did, he still hadn’t developed an immunity to it. Even now, Naruto wished he could duck under a bed, hide in a cupboard or climb the closest tree to escape that stinging palm that usually followed after she’d chased and caught him.

“Old witch,” Jiraiya mumbled in reference to her evil cackling but she did not hear him that time or she would have concentrated her wrath towards him in leiu of taking it out on Naruto. Jiraiya also hated whenever she laughed like that. She only did it after she’d been proved undeniably right and you were proved indefinitely wrong or whenever her anger reached fever peak and she was about to go postal on some poor fool’s ass.

Jiraiya knew it was the latter this time and he wished he could smack Naruto against the back of his head for provoking the woman when he had to deal with her for the rest of the day, but the thought of what the violent woman would do to him once he returned was enough to console the old man because he knew from first-hand experience that Tsunade never forgot.

“Listen close and listen well, you fucking prick. When I get my hands on you, the fear of God will enter you so fast you’ll think it’s Armageddon and after I’m done with your body, they won’t even be able to use dental records to identify you.”

Naruto gulped loudly and his body became bathed in cold sweat and fear, but not at what his aunt was saying. Naruto knew she was only saying that out of anger and in an attempt to intimidate him. He knew very well that she was not capable of doing something so graphic but it was her voice and that voice alone that scared him most of all. Naruto crossed his arms over his chest, not to be defiant, but to hug himself and remind himself that Tsunade could not punish him right now, but that comforting hope was shattered to thousands of tiny pieces when she continued speaking.

“You have to come back to America sometime…and I’ll be waiting right here for you. Even if you catch a different plane…I will find you, Naruto. There are only so many places you can hide, and if you think you want to be smart and try to avoid me by staying in Japan, then it won’t work, because I will come there and I will get you.”

“How’s pretty, little Hitoshi today?” Jiraiya quickly interjected in an attempt to lighten the mood and ultimately avoid a thick, uncomfortable silence that was sure to fall around them.

“Hinata,” Naruto corrected with a humph as he sat there, sulking at his aunt’s words.

Jiraiya acknowledged his err with a quick apology. “Sorry, sorry. I meant Hinata. How is she?”

“Jiraiya will you please stop encouraging that boy with your foolishness?” Tsunade interjected, still in her rage and her exasperation towards both males reached new levels.

They always did that. Brag about their ‘accomplishments’ and who and how many women have had the pleasure of joining their harem. With Jiraiya, it was always some famous actress or model, since, being a well-renowned author, he was able to rub elbows with some of Hollywood’s brightest stars. Tsunade knew he was lying most of the time since some of his tales were a bit too outlandish and she usually just ignored them but what irritated her the most was when he encouraged Naruto in the same nonsense. Sure, he was a young man and if the interns at the hospital taught her anything was that guys loved to kiss and tell whenever they were in a group but she did not want to hear about Naruto’s exploits, whether he was making them up or not because she did not raise him to treat women like notches on a headboard.

“If it’s not you and Olivia Newton-John it’s Naruto with some Japanese porn star he probably saw on the cover of some dirty magazi-“

“HINATA IS NOT A PORN STAR!” Naruto screeched angrily into the device to defend the girl’s honor. He could not blame his aunt for saying something so callous. She did not know Hinata aside from what Naruto told her about him and he could tell the woman did not believe that she even existed. But that did not stop him from becoming greatly offended by the remark because it struck a little too close to home.

Neji disliked the crass comment as well and he pressed his lips in a thin line to accompany the tight frown that was now drawn across his face but his eyes widened with surprise when he beheld Naruto’s reaction. He hadn’t seen him like this since that night they wreaked havoc upon the brothel and Orochimaru’s properties. Neji knew he cared about her, even a blind man could see that but his actions portrayed a deeper connection to his cousin and Neji was beginning to believe that his fickle heart might actually be in love with her. He truly hoped so. He did not want Naruto to break Hinata’s heart.

“Then what is she, huh?” Tsunade scoffed. “Is that the nickname you gave to your left hand?”

“Palmela’s gonna get jealous,” Jiraiya cut in with a snicker.

“Screw you both,” the exacerbated teen said, fortunately reigning in his temper enough before spewing a more vicious expletive. “Hinata’s real and I’ll prove it!”

Naruto wondered why he didn’t do this before as he stormed out of the living room and stomped up the stairs, two at a time, towards the room he shared with the girl. It was just unfortunate coincidences on his part that whenever he was talking to those old fuddy-duddies that HInata was always busy or engaged with something with her cousin, and, true to form, he found the girl asleep under a layer of thick bedding.

He probably shouldn’t have made her come so many times and he imagined she was still very exhausted and as much as he didn’t want to wake her, Naruto wanted to have the one-up on his aunt and make her eat her words.

“Hinata,” he called out to her on a whisper and tenderly shook her shoulders until she stirred and her thick eyelashes fluttered open to reveal hazed, lavender eyes.

“Naruto-kun,” she smiled up at him with a cherub-like face, not sure if she were still dreaming or if this was really him and if Naruto’s pride wasn’t at stake right now he would have made love to her again.

“Hey, I’m really sorry to wake you,” he apologized and reached out a tanned hand to stroke her bangs away so he could plant a light kiss against her forehead. Naruto leaned back and sighed as he looked into her eyes and knew that she did not mind at all. “Hinata, can you come downstairs with me? I want to introduce you to my parents.”

The girl stiffened and she sat up slowly. One hand clutched the sheet tighter around her bosom and the other she brought to her mouth to conceal the deep blush that started to develop. She didn’t know why she was suddenly very nervous and she felt silly about it but, in lieu of her not having any parents of her own, Naruto introducing her to his parents was akin to her introducing him to hers. It was just like the ‘next step’ in those teenage courtships she used to see on television where the boy would take the relationship to another level by asking to go steady. That moment was always so romantic, with the young couple holding hands, standing under the moonlight with violins softly playing in the background. Her, lying naked under the covers and Naruto asking so boldly and so spontaneously was nothing like her deepest fantasies, but the reality was that it was happening to her and she’d always believed that it was something a person like her would never have the chance to experience.

“Naruto-kun…I’m not decent,” she said, her voice even lower than before.

Naruto chuckled. “It’s okay, just throw something on,” he explained, picking up where the misunderstanding lay. “They’re not here in person. They’re on the phone.”

She brought the sheet up to cover the red skin around the lower half of her face and hide her embarrassment. Of course Naruto’s parents wouldn’t be here in person and the boy only made her blush worse when he started laughing at her. He didn’t make it any better when he refused to leave the room or at least turn his back when she crawled out from under the covers and Hinata was sure her face was going to melt clean off her skull when Naruto insisted her dress her personally and took advantage of the opportunity to cop feels. By the time he slipped on her panties, a blouse and a pair of corduroy jeans her blush had spread to her ears and shoulders but when he took her by the hand and led her out of the room and down the stairs, Hinata was now so nervous that she was actually shaking.

Naruto didn’t notice her anxiety until he sat her in his lap and introduced her to his family and Hinata’s voice quivered when she barely managed a ‘It’s very nice to meet you’.

“Come on Naruto, you can do better than that,” Tsunade drawled, obviously not impressed. “That’s the worst imitation of a girl’s voice you’ve ever done.”

“For once we agree on something,” Jiraiya added. “But nice try kid.”

“Oh jeez,” and Naruto slapped his palm against his forehead.

“Hinata,” Neji whispered loudly to her cousin to get her attention. “Speak up.”

She nodded and swallowed hard before leaning closer to the telephone and said in a tone that seemed to push her larynx past its natural capabilities. “He-hello. It’s very nice to meet…umm…talk to you both. Naruto-kun has told me so much about you.”

Sasuke, Neji and Naruto all stared at her as if they had never seen her before because they had certainly never heard her speak like that before and just that difference alone made her appear to be a complete stranger to them. But the silence in the Uchiha living-room was not as thick as the one in Tsunade’s and the woman balked at her telephone while Jiraiya stood frozen with his mouth hanging agape.

“Oh…my…God. She’s real?” Tsunade gasped with non-belief.

To hear his ‘know-it-all’ aunt actually admit to being wrong was enough to snap Naruto out of his shock and wasted no time in razzing her.

“How old are you, dear?” Tsunade asked, choosing to ignore Naruto’s incessantly, childish pestering.

“Hey Auntie, I’m talking to you,” her ward rudely cut in. It wasn’t fun rubbing it in her face if she was paying him no mind.

“But I’m not talking to you so fuck off!” the woman snapped.

“Yeah Naruto, shut up,” Jiraiya gibed. He was very interested in talking to this young lady as well. “We’re speaking to Hinata now.”

“Honestly dear. I don’t know how you put up with him,” the old woman tsked with a shake of her blonde head. “He’s such an annoying pain in the ass at times.”

“But he’s got a heart of gold,” Jiraiya declared.

“Yeah…,” and Tsunade could not stop herself from smiling with pride when she recalled the many selfless acts performed by Naruto in just this year alone. She did not even have to teach him the value of human kindness. It was something genetically ingrained within him. “That’s what I love so much about the little punk and I know I don’t have to ask if Naruto’s taking good care of you.”

“No ma’am,” Hinata admitted exuberantly. “Naruto-kun takes very good care of me.”

Tsunade clicked her tongue. “Please, don’t call me that. Call me Tsunade,” she insisted.

“Wha-? So soon?” Naruto asked and he was just as surprised as Jiraiya. By habit, Tsunade never let any of Naruto’s girlfriends refer to her by her first name (if at all) unless she really, really liked them and the fact that she gave Hinata this rare privilege after only hearing her voice for less than two minutes was a good sign in Naruto’s mind.

“Yeah. I like her,” the older woman confessed. “I have a good feeling about this one. I can tell she’s a keeper. Don’t fuck this one up, Naruto.”

“What the-“ the teen boy sputtered. He could always count on Tsunade to create a totally awkward situation for him.

“Speaking of fucking, I hope you’re not letting him take advantage of you, dear.”

“Jesus, Tsunade.” Jiraiya interjected on Naruto’s behalf. “Don’t you have any respect for social boundaries? They’re just kids, leave ‘em alone.”

“And what kind of parent would I be if I just ‘left them alone’ to get pregnant.”

“You do this all the time,” Jiraiya muttered in exasperation. “No wonder Naruto’s always going through girls like water because you keep scaring them off. Naruto’s a responsible young man and we taught him how to use a condom so just give him the benefit of the doubt.”

And by now, the boy they were so openly discussing and airing his dirty laundry was further humiliated by Sasuke and Neji who were sniggering like pre-schoolers who had just heard someone say a naughty word.

He hated whenever they did that. Talk as if they were the only two people in the room and completely disregarding everyone else. That was one of the reasons he moved out in the first place.

“Still here!” Naruto said loud enough for them to hear over their bantering.

They stopped mid-argument after realizing that they had made Naruto uncomfortable in front of his friends and Sasuke’s and Neji’s laughter was much easier to hear now that they had fallen silent. “Sorry,” Tsunade murmured before sighing heavily. “I know you’re young and you want to test the waters before you dive right in, but I’m concerned about you Naruto,” and her maternal fears became exposed in her tone of voice. “I just want you to be happy, and I know you’re enjoying life but going through so many girlfriends can become very tumultuous. I know you’re probably not ready to settle down now but at least give it a chance to become more than just a physical relationship.” Tsunade sighed once more when she realized she’d put her foot in her mouth again but she needed to get this off her chest. She wasn’t the kind of person to keep something festering on the back burner of her mind. “I only want the best for you Naruto, just like any mother would and the last thing I want is for you to turn out to be a womanizer like Jiraiya.”

“Hey, I resent that remark,” Jiraiya pouted when Naruto found his humor again and laughed along with his aunt.

“Aww, give me some credit,” the young man grinned. “I’m no where near as bad as that man-whore.”

“You know, you’re not too old for me to put over my knee Naruto,” Jiraiya warned in a clipped voice but his threat was drowned out by his ex’s peals of laughter. “Who’s that?” Jiraiya asked when his keen ears picked up soft giggling amidst HInata’s.

“Pfft, that’s just Sasuke’s girlfriend,” Naruto said as if she wasn’t important enough to warrant being formally introduced to them.

“Oh, Sasuke has a girlfriend too?”

“Of course Sasuke has a girlfriend,” Tsunade interjected as if that was common knowledge. “He’s a charming, handsome and distinguished young man. Why wouldn’t he have a girlfriend?”

Jiraiya shrugged. “I ‘unno. He just didn’t strike me as the kind of boy that liked girls is all.”

There they went again, and this time it was at Sasuke’s expense and the Uchiha could do nothing but shift uncomfortably while Naruto and Neji yukked it up as the adults debated his sexual orientation. Even Hinata had trouble hiding her smile because, what made it even more ironic was that Neji could be construed as a male if you didn’t know her personally.

“-and when was the last time you actually saw Sasuke with a girl while he was here? He was always hanging out with Naruto.”

“Because he had a girlfriend back in Japan so he wasn’t interested,” Tsunade argued on the boy’s behalf. “He’s not like you, you know. He’s not going to have an outside woman in every friggin’ country. I’m sure Sasuke’s not afraid of commitment and I can tell he’s the mature and faithful type.”

“He better be,” Neji said in a low voice and shot him a warning glance from over her shoulder and Sasuke retaliated by giving her a ‘who me?’ kind of look.

Jiraiya clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and chuckled humorously when he said, “Faithful? Any bet that that girl of his has him hen-pecked and horse-whipped. He’s committed to her because she’s got him wrapped around her little finger.”

Tsunade sucked on her teeth. “Hush! You know as much about relationships as you do about women. You can pretend you’re enlightened and educate the rest of the clueless male population by writing books, but unless you’ve actually been in a good one then you don’t really know shit.”

She had left herself vulnerable with that remark and Jirayia sank his teeth into it. “And…what are you saying?” the old man chortled. That you weren’t one of the good ones?”

“Fuck you!”

“Still here,” Naruto reminded them.

“What’s your name dear?” Tsunade suddenly asked of Sasuke’s girlfriend, changing the subject.

“Neji.”

The older woman made a sound of approval. “That’s a pretty name.”

“For a pretty girl, no doubt,” Jiraiya grinned lecherously.

“I’ll bet she’s beautiful. Sasuke has good taste.”

“She’s probably goth. He likes black so much.”

Naruto bawled and even Neji had to laugh at herself. She was pretty angsty at times.

“Ahh…we better go. This laundry isn’t going to fold itself and I need to put this old mule to work in my garden,” Tsunade said, bidding her farewells. “Hinata, Neji, it was a pleasure talking to you dearies.”

“Tha-thank you. It was very nice talking to you too,” HInata stammered, still somewhat intimidated by the bold woman.”

“It was nice talking to Naruto’s parents as well,” Neji smirked, laughter still bubbling in her chest.

“Bye Sasuke, and make sure Naruto stays out of trouble,” Tsunade said jokingly.

“It’s a full-time job, believe me,” the Uchiha replied with a grin.

“Naruto, honey. I love you.”

“I love you too, Auntie,” the boy beamed, already dreading the ‘click’ that would signal the end of their conversation until next time. “Bye old man.”

“Bye Naruto. Bye all.”

“You know, I really like that Sasuke,” Tsunade smiled somewhat dreamily after disconnecting the call.

“I like him too. He’s a good influence for that kid,” Jiraiya agreed and shoved another cotton pants in Tsunade’s direction, hoping she would get the hint. Tsunade took the outstretched garment but did not fold it and, instead, looked up at the ceiling as if a magic portal had appeared and she could see what the four young adults were up to now.

She frowned.

“I don’t think I like that.”

“Like what?” Jiraiya asked as he added another neatly folded blouse to the growing pile.

“Those kids staying at Sasuke’s house alone like that,” she confessed with a shake of her head and finally joined the man next to her in folding the laundry.

“I’m sure they know enough not to play with matches or run with scissors,” he said with a roll of his eyes.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Tsunade snapped and slammed the pants on her much shorter pile before reaching out to take a floral scarf.

Jiraiya sighed. “When are you going to realize that this is the twentieth century? A lot has changed since back then and kids are doing it at younger ages now.”

“I know,” it was her turn to sigh and she stopped in mid-fold to clutch the scarf towards her bosom. “But it’s still scary, Jiraiya. When my mother was raising me she was always very strict with my dating habits. Hell, I wasn’t even allowed to have a boyfriend until I was seventeen and even then I didn’t start dating until five months after my birthday. My mother had me when she was very young and it was hard on her, raising me alone when we had nothing and my dead-beat dad walked out on us because he didn’t want the responsibility. I don’t want Naruto to be a dead-beat father Jiraiaya, but I don’t want to restrict him from doing his own thing…you know.”

The man nodded and a lop-sided smirk painted itself across his face. He knew all too well about Tsunade’s concerns. His own mother, God rest her soul, shared those very same fears, and she actually had something to worry about since her son started having sex at fifteen. “Naruto’s not the kind of person that would walk out on his own kid and he’s not the kind of person that would force a girl to terminate an unwanted pregnancy,” and when Tsunade looked up at him with questioning blue eyes he disclosed: “Naruto and I had a man-to-man talk about this before. He’s actually a lot more responsible than you take him for.”

“I’m relieved to hear that,” the old woman said softly. “I’m just worried that he gets the wrong girl pregnant and she pulls some shit like denying visitation or stiffing him for child support.”

“You watch way too many soap operas,” Jiraiya laughed.

“I’m just glad he got over that little crush he had on Ino,” Tsunade said and tossed the scarf atop the pile to take another pair of pants.

“God, she was a bitch,” Jiraiya agreed.

“First class,” Tsunade scoffed. “I really have a good feeling about Hinata though. Melissa and Bianca were nice too but this one…she’s the one. I can tell,” and when Jiraiya gave her that particular look that he reserved whenever she started spouting her psychic mumbo-jumbo, Tsunade simply said “it’s woman’s intuition.”

“Woman’s intuition, huh?” the man chuckled. “Well, you know what my man’s intuition tells me?” and once he had Tsunade’s curiosity he grinned wider when he said “that he’s hitting it.”

Tsunade grimaced and punched the dirty old man on his arm but he only laughed and rubbed at it as if it were no more than a mosquito bite. “I don’t need to hear something like that,” she yelled. Thinking about Naruto having sex with anyone held as much charm as it did for Naruto thinking about Tsunade having sex with anyone.

“But you know I’m right. Naruto’s not the kind of boy to wait for the wedding night when he knows very well there won’t be a wedding night and I can tell you for a fact that he won’t string along that girl with the hopes of one day being balled and chained. He’s always up front about his objectives.”

He was right, Tsunade knew he was right. She’d always taught Naruto never to lie to a girl just for sex. It was one of the most devastating things she would ever go through because she had suffered through it herself. But God-dammit would Jiraiya just shut up about Naruto and his sex-life?

“Isn’t it enough that I have to listen to you talk about your sexual exploits? Now you want to dump Naruto’s on me?”

“Now…is it just Naruto having sex or just sex in general that you’re squeamish about?”

“Sex in general,” the woman finally admitted with an animated wave of her hand before reaching out to snatch another article of clothing from the basket. “I’m tired of it…it’s everywhere. If it’s not on the TV it’s coming outta you.”

Jiraiya posed valiantly and grinned widely. “I do kinda emanate a raw, animal magnetism don’t I?” he joked. “I just scream ‘sex’.”

“Oh please,” Tsunade rolled tired blue eyes.

“You know, you really need to get over that fear of yours.”

“For the last time…,” Tsunade sighed in exasperation. “I’m not afraid of sex. I’m just tired of it.”

“How can you be tired of sex if you don’t even have sex?”

“And how can you have sex so often and not get tired of it?”

“I guess…sometimes, but I can’t afford to get tired of it. I have to have sex constantly…it’s all for my research.”

“Is that always going to be your excuse? Research?” the woman shrieked incredulously after Jiraiya pleaded his case.

“Well I’ve asked you many times for your help but you always refuse,” he replied with a salacious wink.

“Oh, so now it’s my fault? I’m the one that’s left you no option but to turn to whores?”

Jiraiya’s throaty laughter filled the room. “Ahh, Tsunade. You’re always blowing things out of proportion. I find you’ve been doing that a lot more now that you’ve become menopau- Eh…Tsu- Tsunade, put that down. I was only teasing.”

Murderous intent pooled within the depths of her sparking blue eyes and she placed the clothes basket back on the table. She’d already cleaned the floors and didn’t feel like mopping up Jiraiya’s blood so she’d let him live for now. Tsunade reached out to take another piece of laundry. Her anger blinded her and she didn’t even recognized the precious sweater that she was giving such harsh treatment until Jiraiya chuckled in that deep voice of his.

“I see you kept it.”

She snapped out of her thoughts and her gaze then shifted to the lovely, cashmere sweater that Jiraiya had bought for her just because it matched her eyes. Well of course she kept it. It was the first gift she’d ever received from a boyfriend that wasn’t for her birthday, Christmas, or Valentines. It was just because. And she cherished it.

“Good Will didn’t want it,” she muttered angrily, her face turning a soft pink and Jiraiya took it from her hands and opened it to press it against her shoulders.

“Still looks like it would fit,” he said as he appraised her. “The colour is still as vibrant as ever and not a strand is out of place. You’ve taken very good care of it after all these years,” the old man smiled and carefully folded it before resting it atop the rest of the stacked clothing as if it were made of highly fragile material. His shoulders drooped on a heavy sigh and Jiraiya’s consciousness seemed to become interwoven in the strands of the sweater as he stroked it softly with large, calloused thumbs. “Where did we go wrong Sue?” he muttered more to himself than the woman standing next to him.

Without missing a beat, she held up one hand and began counting down her perfectly-manicured fingers as she said each name. “Tiffany, Alana, Elaine, Shizune-“

“Ah ah ah,” Jiraiya interrupted with a wag of his finger and he turned to face her. “For the record, Shizune came onto me.”

“That’s beside the point,” Tsunade yelled, the feelings of betrayal rushing back like a tide until they were fresh in her memory and she could see the woman who was supposed to be her close friend and the man who was supposed to be her lover in each other’s arms. “Shizune was my best friend. You knew that, and that meant that she was off-limits to you. Whether she came onto you or not does not excuse the fact that we were dating at the time and you should have rejected her. My God, I knew I never should have introduced you two…knowing the kind of history you have,” Tsunade raged, finally able to blame herself for losing her best friend of twelve years. “I thought you would change…if just given enough time that you really would change. You cheated on me with hookers and strangers and I didn’t think you’d cheat on me with my best friend Jiraiya, but you did. I had to force myself to believe that you’d never do something like that and everyday I kick myself in the ass for not listening to those ‘psychic warnings’ you keep making fun of. You’re like a dog in heat…constantly rutting with any woman that spreads her pussy or lifts her ass in the air for you. I gave you so many second chances Jiraiya, so many second chances but the outcome was always the same. When are you ever going to act your age?”

He brazenly met her eyes, and not one iota of shame or disgrace could be found within them. “You know,” he drawled. “I could say the same thing of you.”

Tsunade stiffened and she bit hard on her lower lip once she was revealed to be the hypocrite she was. She hated being exposed by Jiraiya’s truths. They always made her feel as if she really wasn’t any better than him…and her perspective of this man had sank very low.

She hid her age behind facial creams, botox and cosmetic surgery. She lied about her date of birth and the only way anyone could get a look at her I.D. or driver’s license was if they stole her purse or were a policeman that pulled her over for speeding. It wasn’t as if she were looking for a husband or a lover. She had Naruto to give all her love to and had already experienced the joys of motherhood but she continued to chase beauty as if she were a twenty-five year old afraid of what she would inevitably become another twenty-five years later. She had already passed that bench-mark and while she had maintained an aesthetic youth most women her age would sell their souls to have, she had robbed herself of aging gracefully…something Jiraiya had managed to embrace and accept.

“We’re just too different…you and I,” she rasped, still too stubborn to admit that what she was doing was wrong and right now, any excuse was better than believing that Jiraiya was a better person than she was in any way. “I want to settle down; you want to run around chasing skirts.”

“If what you say is true and I want to chase, then why do I keep coming back to you?” he tried to reason with her.

“Because you’re a fool,” Tsunade snapped angrily, wanting desperately to bring an end to this conversation but Jiraiya wasn’t going to let it end…not this time.

“Yes, I’m a fool,” he ground out and closed the distance between them by grabbing her by the shoulders and pulling her flush against his body. She gasped in surprise and lifted wide eyes to the intensity of his dark ones and his gaze kept her pinned in place as strongly as his arms did. “I’m a fool for you.”

“No-“ she barely managed to get out her protest before his lips came crashing down on hers.

A raw shudder crept along the woman’s spine and her skin tingled with long-suppressed anticipation. He always knew how to kiss her, how to bring out her hidden desires and bring to the surface her wanton behaviour. It only took one kiss from him before she threw caution to the wind, let down her hair and release all the sexually charged energy that she kept storing by deny her body its natural urges.

She tilted her head to one side, to grant him easier access and her eyelids fluttered closed as his warm tongue slipped between her cherry-glossed lips to play with the other member that was waiting eagerly for his. Her head swam as he thoroughly explored her mouth and re-acquainted himself with the places that made her shiver in his arms and neither knew if the soft moan that rumbled between them came from one or the other.

He pulled away then, but still held her fast and her head lolled back slightly as she slowly opened glazed, turquoise eyes and glanced longingly at the only person capable of doing these things to her.

“Damn you old man,” she cursed him huskily and Jiraiya chuckled at her stubbornness before bringing his lips to hers again and lifting her into his arms to carry her up the stairs and into the bedroom.

-----

Yes, it ends here because this is not a Jiraiya / Tsunade fic. :p
What…you don’t really want to read about those two getting it on so move along…nothing more to see here >.>