Self-Reliance

SELF-RELIANCE

Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto. I don’t own Sasuke. But Naruto is t3h s3x.

Summary: I think you’ve got the basic gist of this already. No need to repeat myself.

Warnings: Featuring SasuNaru angst, mpreg, and IrritatedAndFemme!Sasuke. Don’t like it, don’t read it. Like it, review. Review often. Reviews are my happy crack. If you’re going to flame, at least be witty about it.


CHAPTER SIX: TANTRUMS


Sasuke was a details person. It was never the overall that came to him, it was the small sparks that fired across his awareness---this made him the best at finding traps, the best at sighting enemies from a distance, the best at finding weak spots, and just the best ninja overall, actually.

Naruto was a lot of details. Sasuke appreciated the most subtle things---the tightness of Naruto’s tattooed belly, stretched between slender, jutting hips, the rumbling half-growl, half-purring chuckle as Sasuke drew his fingers down his sternum, the stubborn jaw with its bristly dusting of a near-invisible blond five-o-clock shadow. The large, warm hands---larger than his, so that his callused, daintier fingers were nearly crushed when they locked together.

Details, details. The delicious hollow beneath his ribcage. His blunted fangs as they skimmed teasingly into the sensitive curve of his neck. The rough texture of his shaggy sun-blond hair, and how the coarser hair down south was just as sunny. All these little details went into making Naruto, and most of them he recognized from simple observation---“research” before his final decision.

But things were off. Details. At first he thought that it was only because of Naruto being drunk off his ass, but there was only so much that alcohol could do to someone. Alcohol did not give someone prominent fangs, long nails, and blood-red eyes. Not what Naruto had been drinking, at least. There was a smell, too, musky and brackish, that Sasuke’s brain wasn’t really able to equate with the dobe. Had he been a little less caught up in hurried coitus, he might have thought to act on these things (“gee, Naruto, what big teeth you have!”), but Naruto was doing something very interesting with his tongue, so Sasuke considered himself distracted.

He hadn’t expected Naruto to be this…aware. This…enthusiastic. He had thought that he’d be awkward and inexperienced, going at him in much of the same manner as an arthritic old dog trying to mount. Sasuke had been positive that he’d probably have to be coaxed into an erection because of the alcohol haze, but Naruto was making it quite obvious that he wouldn’t need any help getting there. They kissed and bit their way up the stairs to Naruto’s apartment, stopping more than once due to Naruto slamming him against the wall, pinning him as he kissed him hard enough to bruise his lips.

And bruise his lips he did---Sasuke had woken up on October 11th looking like he’d been in a fight, but it hadn’t been a fight in the literal sense. Yes, there’d been a lot of scratching and biting (mostly on Sasuke’s behalf, despite being the one sans claws and fangs), but it’d been more because of the soft groans that Naruto made at each bite than out of wanting to hurt the other boy.

It’d been an interesting scale-play---one moment Sasuke would be biting and kissing, straddling his tattooed waist, and then Naruto would roll over, pinning him with his bodyweight as he licked and nipped and generally danced tingling waves of hot pleasure all through Sasuke’s body. Just when Sasuke thought he had the upper hand, the kyuubi-boy would flip him over and force him down in a way that Sasuke found strangely appealing. Not many people could best him---even when this was all about rolling around on the carpeted floor of Naruto’s small apartment, hitting chair legs and low furniture with curses and yelps.

He didn’t complain when Naruto jerked off his turtleneck, claws lightly raking his shoulders---he didn’t even complain when freeing Sasuke from his jeans resulted in a torn zipper, despite the stiffness of the fabric. Sasuke returned the favor by popping precisely ten buttons when he ripped open Naruto’s shirt, making the blond burst out laughing, so hard that Sasuke could feel the reverberations of it through their contact.

Naruto leaned over him, noses just brushing, and exhaled softly, his strangely crimson eyes holding an emotion Sasuke couldn’t quite pick apart, but it was gentle and deep, whatever it was. Possessive, but genuine.

He didn’t look all that drunk. Smelt like alcohol, but didn’t look or feel drunk.

“So, Satori-chan,” Naruto breathed huskily, smiling a slow grin that bore fangs. “What next?”

Steeling himself, Sasuke---trying to be seductive, and mentally hitting his head against the wall of his own stoic nature for it---slid one hand from where it was knotted in what remained of Naruto’s shirt, trailing it down his half-bared chest and flat stomach. He slowly unzipped his pants, thinking I can’t believe I’m actually doing this---dammit Itachi, did you HAVE to kill off all our female cousins? as he gripped the half-hard, half-soft region beneath his belt. It was possibly the one place he’d never thought he’d be fondling his teammate, though the thought had passed his mind during his hormonal teens (and with nobody but Orochimaru around to look at, too). But thinking about something and actually doing it were very different things.

“What next,” Sasuke huffed back, and arched up to kiss him again. “You tell me.”

And that was enough. Naruto ripped through what remained of Sasuke’s clothing---nothing much, just his boxers (printed with the Uchiha mon---did EVERYTHING he owned have the Uchiha mon on it? It was like he had to constantly remind himself he was an Uchiha), and those were easily parted from his person. With an interesting half-purr, half-growl, Naruto scooped up his naked teammate and hoisted him easily over one shoulder.

Sasuke, almost giddy that The Plan was working, laughed, digging his hands into that mess of blond hair. He didn’t put up a struggle---who would, being slung over Naruto’s broad shoulder like a pillaging pirate’s catch of the day?---and was soon set down amidst the rumpled covers of Naruto’s unmade bed.

Grinning manically, the kyuubi-boy pinned Sasuke’s thin wrists, and…


And Sasuke awoke very glad that he was in full-female form, because if it had been otherwise, he probably would have enjoyed his dream all over his sheets, and that would have been the absolute culmination (or climax, if you would) of his mortification.

It was bad enough to be plagued with the reoccurring half-memories. Bad enough that his treacherous libido found it fun to reenact the night he’d conceived his child, worse still that he couldn’t seem to convince himself not to enjoy it. He’d madly searched the baby book for an answer after the first dream---because the only thing that’d changed in the last six months was his waistline, and he certainly hadn’t been having sex dreams with Naruto involved pre-pregnancy. Turns out that pregnancy was to blame for his changed libido---some women became disinterested in sex because of hormones, some got hornier.

Sasuke was one of the latter, much to his icily apathetic dismay.

It’d gotten to the point that he could barely look Naruto in the face without suffering a dream-snippet of smut, and---and he just couldn’t function that way! Sasuke couldn’t help but look at Naruto, though---he was omnipresent in the house, doggedly unwilling to leave the increasingly pregnant Uchiha heir on his own. The kyuubi-boy was always hovering over his shoulder, and Sasuke couldn’t help but see him all the time, couldn’t help but memorize every whisker-scar and choppy lock of blond hair, couldn’t help but like the way his blue eyes lit up when his admittedly very sensuous lips curled into those foxy smiles, and…

Sasuke buried his burning face in his pillow.

Crushes are below an Uchiha. Crushes are below an Uchiha. Must remind myself that crushes are below an Uchiha. Especially crushes on foxy blond boys who are your rival before all else. Even if he has fantastic hips. Even if his kisses taste unbelievable. Even if…gah; crushes are below an Uchiha…

Oh, if Itachi could only see his little brother now. Would he laugh hysterically at the mess of latent hormones and bulging belly that his avenger had become? Probably. And then he’d kill him for attempting to revive the clan he’d taken the time and energy to annihilate in the first place.

…yeah, Itachi would try to kill Sasuke for being weak, ungainly, and distracted from his path of hatred, but then Naruto would come. Naruto would call up on the Kyuubi and he’d kick Itachi’s ass (not killing him, because that was an honor saved for Sasuke alone), and then the lighting would get all dramatic and he’d take his hand and confess his undying love for him and their baby, and then there’d be a convenient bed, just because there is always a convenient bed after the hero has proclaimed his undying love, and…

And imagination, I command you to stop right there.

Kill me now, Sasuke moaned inwardly, and burrowed beneath his pillow. I’ve fallen for the goddamn fox!

“Oi, Sasuke!” The goddamn fox himself popped his head in Sasuke’s bedroom door, grinning good-naturedly. “I made breakfast, so---“

“Go away!” Sasuke roared, hurling his pillow at the blond’s head. He took it with an “oomph!” of surprise, blinking.

“But I---“

“AWAY!”

“Er---fine! Be a hormonal bitch; don’t mind me!”


If only the hormones you’re talking about were the kind I’m suffering from…Sasuke bemoaned, hating how flushed his cheeks undoubtedly were. If you weren’t such a dunce, you’d have noticed it, too. God, The Plan has utterly failed. He wasn’t supposed to know about the baby, I wasn’t supposed to get emotionally involved, and now it’s all falling to pot because I can’t seem to control my traitorous sex drive. Ugh. So much ugh.

Sasuke’s stomach gurgled loudly, obviously having overheard Naruto’s mention of breakfast. He sighed, knowing that junior would get irritated if he skipped out on their morning meal, and would make an effort to liquefy his internal organs with kicks if it wasn’t fed. That meant that he had to get up and face his crush, because food lay beyond his bedroom door. Sasuke frowned. He’d have to stockpile food later on, so that he could barricade the door and totally ignore Naruto’s existence.

Hello, this is Sasuke. I’m trying to get a hold of my former Avengerly, Asexual Attitude---if you hear from him, could you have him give me a call? I seem to have turned into a pathetic pile of maudlin mush without him.

He sat up---which took some clever levering and far more effort than it should have---rubbing his belly ruefully and valiantly focusing on his Impassive Avenger of the Uchiha Clan mask. It wouldn’t do for him to take one look at Naruto and start blushing again. It was incredibly unfair how well a cherry-red blush showed up on his pale face.

Okay. I am in control. Now I will get up, eat whatever form of ramen he boiled for breakfast, take my vitamins, and then waddle back here to read. Yes. Good plan. Unless he smiles at me during breakfast, whereupon I will most likely have a mental breakdown and either melt into an unfortunate mass of hormonal goo, or jump him. Or both.

Or maybe I’ll skip the ramen altogether, jump him, and have Kyuubi for breakfast.

…

No! Must…concentrate…

Sasuke took a deep breath, holding it for a moment before exhaling roughly. With more composure than even he knew he had, he tossed off his comforter and got to his feet, using the wall as support. He glanced shortly at the half-open closet. With a sigh, he pulled on a pair of pants and a sweatshirt over the boxers and stretched-out tank top he’d been sleeping in.

The more clothing I put on, he justified to his reflection in the mirror. The less likely I will be to strip them off. Yes. Another good plan. I’m on a role this morning.

Since he was in the mirror anyway, Sasuke turned to the side to give himself a critical lookdown. He’d shied away from mirrors after he’d gone from being just a little bit bulgy to being fit to burst---somewhere near the tail end of his fourth month of pregnancy. He wasn’t precisely vain, but he was very used to looking a certain way. And that certain way just happened to be trim and exceptionally pretty. He was still exceptionally pretty, but trim---ha. Hadn’t been trim in any way, shape or form since early October.

Sasuke frowned at his reflection, tugging his shirt up so that he could see exactly how big he’d gotten since the last time he’d visited the mirror…and it wasn’t encouraging to say the least. At just six months, he was very much pregnant---baggy clothing didn’t hide anything anymore. His back was curved with the weight it was forced to lug out front, his belly jutted out comically, and he hated to admit it, but he waddled.

Waddled. No Uchiha was meant to waddle.

Who am I kidding? It’s not like he’d want any part of this body, anyway…

“Breakfast is gettin’ cold, bitchy-boy!” Naruto yelled irritably from the kitchen.

“I’m coming!” Sasuke shouted back, jerking his sweatshirt back down over the baby-bulge. He’d die if Naruto came in and saw him poking at his big belly in the mirror---blackmail material for a year or more, hands down.

“SASUKE!”

“Shut up! I can only move so fast, you bastard! You try carrying around all these extra pounds through the middle!”

“Hey, I’m not the one who wanted to get pregnant, and you were moving fine yesterday when you kicked my ass into the birdbath!”

“BASTARD!”

“YOU’RE THE BASTARD! WADDLE FASTER!”

Sasuke didn’t have any good reply to that (other than “no, you’re the bastard, you bastard!”). He scowled and shuffled his way into the kitchen as quickly as possible---which was fairly quick, considering that he was still a chuunin, albeit a very pregnant one---and thought up as many cutting, pithy comments to throw at the dobe as possible.

“Naruto, you---“

Sasuke paused, blinking at the kitchen table, his confusion palpable.

“But where’s the ramen gone?” he asked dazedly, dark eyes searching for the familiar dish steaming away. But no; where the heaping bowl of noodles usually lay, a tower of pancakes laid stacked. Pancakes, syrup, scrambled eggs, oranges, and bacon. A real breakfast, with every cube of the food pyramid represented. Naturally, Sasuke gaped.

“I made real food,” Naruto said crossly, his arms crossed over his chest. “’Cause I read that baby book of yours and it said you need nutrients. Ramen doesn’t have many nutrients---at least I don’t think so, ‘cause I don’t know what nutrients look like, but all ramen has in it is noodles. Iruka-sensei used to tell me that it didn’t have enough nutrients, though. So…yeah. Sakura-chan might be visiting today if she doesn’t get otherwise sidetracked, so I wanted to make sure she can see what a good job I’ve done taking care of you.”

“So fattening me up before her arrival accomplishes this?” Sasuke asked, sitting down across from him and staring at the pancake tower. They were golden and fluffy, not at all burnt. Positively beautiful---and Naruto had made them? “And my God, you can cook?”

“Yes, I can cook,” Naruto pouted. “I just choose not to, ‘cause any longer than three minutes is too long indeed. So eat! Now! Before it gets too cold and totally inedible!”

Sasuke gave him a long look. “You didn’t put a truth serum in there, did you?”

“Of course not! Eat, before I pin you down and force food down your throat!”

Sasuke obediently shoveled food onto his plate, not at all about to admit that he wouldn’t mind being pinned and force-fed. The pancakes tasted just as good as they looked---he ate two with butter before he even paused to look up at his rival.

Naruto was watching him eat. Raptly. As if watching him eat was the most fantastically interesting thing in the world. It took a great deal of self-control not to turn a fabulous berry color at that look.

“No syrup?” Naruto asked, blue eyes twinkling, though he denied himself a grin.

“’Still don’t like sweets,” Sasuke mumbled past a large bite of pancake that he’d forgotten to swallow upon realizing that Naruto was staring at him. “And refined sugar isn’t good for the baby.”

“Natural sugars are okay, though, right?”

Goddamn those blue eyes…can’t…concentrate…self-restraint…failing…

“Yeah---er---yeah…” Sasuke said, and looked down at his plate. He inhaled another pancake, his cheeks burning.

“Then have an orange,” Naruto said, and tossed a fruit over at him. Sasuke almost dropped it---and how would he have explained that away? Ninja don’t drop anything, no matter the situation. “I’m sure that oranges have tons of nutrients.” At the blank stare he received, he added: “I can peel it if you want.”

“I’m not so gimp that I can’t peel an orange,” he growled, and started to do just that. Concentrating on rending the skin from the fruit with nothing but his nails was much more fun than meeting Naruto’s captivated blue gaze. “And I don’t need you feeding me mass quantities of food…I’m fat enough already!”

“Not fat,” Naruto said, rolling his baby blues in mock agitation. “Pregnant, scarecrow-skinny, and in dire need of nutrients---whatever the hell those are.” Almost irrational with his jangling nerves, Sasuke snorted a small laugh.

“Did you just giggle?” Naruto demanded, and then laughed himself. “You did! You know what, when you’re not being all brooding and bastardish, you’re pretty cute. For a guy-half-turned-girl, of course. Not that I’m, like, hitting on you or whatever, ‘cause hitting on a pregnant guy would be weird shit, don’t you think?”

Sasuke knew he was staring.

He said I’m cute. Me. I don’t know whether to be pissed or flattered.

“You can…uh…shut your mouth, now,” Naruto added, and grinned as Sasuke did so with a snap of teeth.

“Cute,” Sasuke muttered savagely, bowing his head and ripping at the orange in order to hide his now-scalding level of embarrassment. “Busting at the gut with a baby and you say I’m cute. What kind of deranged pervert---“

“Deranged pervert!” Naruto gaped, and then growled like the fox he embodied. He grabbed a pancake for himself off the stack---not having started his own breakfast---and gave the pancake a liberal coating of sugary syrup while he fumed. “I make a nice breakfast, and you call me a deranged pervert! Do I look like Kakashi?”

“Hatake Kakashi is not a deranged pervert,” Sasuke said in defense of their sensei. “He’s a very friendly pervert.”

Naruto smiled, dripping syrup. “Which makes him even worse.”

“You have something---“ Sasuke made a gesture at the corner of his mouth.

“I what?”

Before he even realized what he was doing, Sasuke leaned across the table and wiped the dribble of syrup from the corner of his mouth, slowly, with one thumb. Blue eyes met black. Neither blinked. His mouth was suddenly very, very dry, and a screeching fangirl of an inner voice was beating him over the head for his indecision.

Kiss him, kiss him, kisshimkisshimkisshimkisshimKISSHIMKISSHIM---!!!!!

Composure and self-control were not able to reinsert themselves before Sasuke caved to the Libido Charged Inner Sasuke and took matters into his own hands, cupping the kyuubi-boy’s chin and kissing him across the table before he could jerk away. There were no wobbly desks, convenient shoves, or drunken hazes to blame this kiss on: it was deliberate and warm, surprisingly chaste and sugary sweet. He drew away from Naruto slowly, licking his moist lips. Then he made an interesting squeaking noise (the likes of which an Uchiha is simply not meant to make), and abruptly fled to the bathroom.

Dazed, Naruto blinked. Had he just…? Had they…? ‘The hell…?

Told you that pancakes were a good idea, Kyuubi said with a rumbling chuckle, half-startling Naruto out of his thoughts. The fox sounded darkly amused---his mood had improved by leagues since he’d realized that Sasuke was carrying his container’s child. He was almost cheering Naruto on, as odd as that seemed. Your very first consensual kiss!

You told me that biting his ass and mounting him was a good idea, you dirty old fox, Naruto pointed out crossly. I came up with the idea of making him breakfast!

Either way, it worked. You’ll have him on his knees by lunch.

On his knees? Naruto queried, innocent as driven snow. That, or just thick.

Of course, said Kyuubi, matter-of-fact Bent over while we---

For the love of the Fourth, shut the hell up! Naruto squeaked, knowing that he was probably doing a brilliant rendition of a tomato. Kyuubi hadn’t needed to elaborate like that…the mental image he had conjured up and “shared” was enough to make even the Great Pervert Jiraiya blush like a schoolgirl. I don’t want him like that---I mean, look at him! He’s already more than sufficiently knocked up. He’s all, like, delicate and stuff. Sex is probably the last thing on his mind right now.

Not the last thing on your mind, though, is it, boy? Kyuubi grinned, loving how his container squirmed. Does the scent of his growing kits excite you? You really are hopeless against my hormones---can’t fight the fact that he’s become our mate now, whether or not he realizes it. Can’t fight how much you like the idea of dominating him and seeding him again with our progeny. You like having him dependent on you. He’s right---you are a deranged pervert.

Screw you, you nasty old fox. …Wait, did you just say “kits”? As in kit plural?

Don’t tell me you didn’t smell it, the Kyuubi growled, long-suffering. It’s perfectly obvious that he bears our litter. He sent Naruto a mental image of the baby book he’d been reading---of the illustration of twins twined together in their mother’s womb. He followed this with an image of his own: the sleekly rounded red sides of a pregnant fox, heavy with unborn kits. Not that Sasuke was a fox of course, but those were the terms Kyuubi was used to thinking in---that he and Naruto were the alpha male, and Sasuke (who, for all intents and purposes, was currently female) was their breeding bitch, their mate. Although the ninja in question would probably go into a mad blood fury at the terms being used to describe him (Naruto dared anyone to call Sasuke a breeding bitch to his face), they were apt enough for the Kyuubi and the boy.

Litter? Naruto thought with a groan, imagining the all-too-imminent bloodshed. Kyuubi, he’s going to kill us when he finds out!

Which is why I’m glad that you have a body and I don’t, Kyuubi said smugly. He’ll probably beat the shit out of you for seeding him so heavily. I shall sit back and laugh nastily at your misfortune---you deserve it, by the way.

If he castrates me, YOU don’t get to watch ME have sex anymore.

Valid point. Let’s hope he takes the news well, then. I like it when you have sex.

Yeah, Naruto thought, sighing. Me too.

He got up from the table to trail Sasuke’s retreat---he’d run to the bathroom with nothing short of ninja speed, and he could already hear the now-familiar sound of him being violently sick. Man, he and the toilet had become so friendly in the last couple of months, he wouldn’t have been surprised if Sasuke had a pet name for it. My friend Mr. Puke-Pot, or something like that. He glared at the ninja hunched over the toilet, irritated, as if he was purposefully making himself sick. He sighed then, kneeling down next to him and holding back his hair so he didn’t make too much of a mess in it. This was becoming something of a usual occurrence, and Naruto had settled into the position of Official Hair Holder-Backer.

“I hope you’re not throwing up because a), either my pancakes were terrible, or b), kissing me makes you want to get sick,” Naruto growled as soon as he could get in a word past Sasuke’s loud heaves.

“Just---just morning sickness…” Sasuke groaned, leaning over the toilet bowl and closing his eyes as he fought against his new greatest enemy, Nausea. “Not intrinsically your fault.”

“Something must be wrong,” Naruto said, his eyes darkening as he handed Sasuke a glass of water to rinse his mouth out with. “I read your baby book. Morning sickness is only supposed to last through the first trimester---and you’re well into the second. You’re---you’re worrying me, Sasuke. Ignoring your big belly, your shoulders are all bony and I can nearly see your ribs. You’ve been losing weight, not gaining it, and you were a stick at the beginning of this pregnancy! Sticks can’t carry babies!”

“What do you care,” Sasuke muttered, taking the offered glass and downing half of it with a grimace. He feared he’d never get used to the taste of stomach acid in his mouth.

“What do I care?” Naruto snapped back. “I care that you’re my best friend! I care that you’re gonna miscarry if we don’t fix this! You need extra weight to cradle the baby and nourish it, and you can’t gain weight when you can’t keep anything in your stomach for more than five minutes!”

“You really did read the book, didn’t you?”

“Yes! And now your scrawny, prickly self has me freaked out! I almost wish that Sakura-chan had been able to visit last month, because if she had, she would’ve told you the same thing, but with intense medical jargon, and you can’t say no to a doctor with medical jargon!”

“You shouldn’t worry so much,” Sasuke grumbled, getting shakily to his feet and using the towel-rack for support. He was very white---a skinny specter with a laughably round belly. “The baby will be born just fine. It’s big for how far along I am, even.”

“But you…” Naruto growled in frustration, only just able to rein his temper in before he said something rash like: you’re my mate, dammit! I don’t like seeing you or our kits sick! Kyuubi would agree and empathize, but Sasuke…not so much. “…you’re a mess, Sasuke. When Sakura comes, will you at least talk to her about the morning sickness? For my peace of mind?”

Sasuke glared at him, gave him an emphatic “No,” and stalked into his room, slamming the door behind him. Used to such tantrums by now, Naruto settled himself outside his door, staging a private protest until Sasuke calmed down enough to be rational again.

Thing of it was, Naruto really was worried. He’d tried to convince Kyuubi to help him heal Sasuke, even though the fox had laughed nastily since morning sickness wasn’t a true sickness, and therefore impervious to the effects of ninja-youma chakra. Naruto had argued that it was enough like a sickness---the lack of nutrition could be hurting both Sasuke and his babies…

Babies. Well that was it, wasn’t it? The morning sickness was so severe because humans weren’t meant to carry litters like animals did, and his body was revolting at having more than one baby jammed into a uterus equipped ideally for a sole occupant. Crap. It made sense, but it just made Naruto even more worried---multiple babies needed even more nourishment, not less. He was going to have to start constantly force-feeding Sasuke in hopes that’d he’d keep down at least a percentage of the food and gain some damn weight. At this point, Naruto would rejoice to have Sasuke on the chubby side---not that he’d look bad chubby; Sasuke couldn’t look bad even if he put his mind to it.

Naruto sighed again, leaning back against the door with a thump.

“So, what are you doing in there?” He wondered at Sasuke’s silence, his brooding attention span lasting the whole of five minutes.

“Ignoring you,” Sasuke growled back, muffled by the door between them.

“Er…aside from that. Reading that book again?”

Silence. Very irritated silence, if Naruto was any judge of the multifold types of Uchiha Silences. Had Sasuke not heard him? Only one way to tell---pester him mercilessly until he breaks!

“Saaaaaaasukeeeeeee…” Naruto drawled. “Can you heeeeeaaaar meeeeeee?”

“You’re not going to shut up until I tell you, are you?” the Uchiha asked, miffed.

“Nope. I have no intention of letting you just sit.”

“Fine.” Now the Multifold Silence became Slightly Defensive. “I’m painting my nails.”

“Isn’t that kinda, like, girly and shit?”

“Do I really seem to care, Naruto?”

“I mean, I thought only gay guys painted their nails.”

“How gay does Hoshigaki Kisame seem to you?”

“Hard to gauge the gayness of a shark. Then again, he was buddy-buddy with your brother, and for being a cold-blooded killer, Uchiha Itachi is hella gay.”

Sasuke’s silence was intense, tangible. Naruto resisted the urge to beat his head against the wall---good job, Uzumaki; smooth! Might as well call his mother a ho while you’re at it! Make sure to cover all corners of familial insults!

“Not that I think it runs in the family or whatever,” Naruto said quickly, in a near-desperate effort to win back Sasuke’s short, irked remarks from the other side of the door. Silence grated. “Gayness, I mean. Not the cold-blooded killer part. Er---no, that part too. Totally not genetic. The whole---uh---gay mass murderer bit, that is. ‘Cause you’re---well I guess you could be gay, or bi, ‘cause you did have to shag someone else with a cock to get pregnant, I guess. Not that I care either way, ‘cause you’re still my teammate and rival, even if you’re gay---and pregnant---not that I think you’re gay and pregnant---but you are pregnant---and---shit. Do you want to paint my nails?”

“Are you admitting to being gay?” Sasuke asked, half in jest (if Sasuke said anything in jest; his limited brands of humor usually revolved around sarcasm and cynicism).

“Nope,” Naruto said cheerfully, grinning at the door. “I’m bi! Equal opportunity ninja---best way to be!”

“You’re kidding,” Sasuke said, more than a little surprise in his voice. “You, Uzumaki Naruto, are bisexual.”

“Geez, you don’t need to make a big deal about it,” Naruto grumped, feeling embarrassed for no real reason. “I’ve never technically had sex with another guy, but I’ve had my share of crushes. And I did make out with Gaara once, after the jounin exam---he was one of the nobles at the exam, as current Kazekage. Gaara said the exam was boring as hell and asked if I wanted to make out instead, so I was all, hey, why not? He bites hard enough to draw blood, though, not like y---” A long pause. “Not like a nice kisser should. Nibbles are okay, and the occasional deep bite, but he just about frickin’ ate my lips. Er---anyways, what about nail painting?”

“Embracing your gayer side?”

“It’s not like I have anything better to do,” the kyuubi-boy pointed out. “I’ve just about knitted my fingers off, now, and you’re not doing a very good job of eating what I cook. And I have to be entertained somehow, or bad things start to happen.”

“Fine. I’ll take the traps off the door.”

Naruto was not about to ask what kind of traps Sasuke had set up, mostly because he knew that they were probably ruthless, and would have killed him most dead. Sasuke had a certain brutal flair when it came to traps. He happily peeked in Sasuke’s impeccably neat room, sighting his rival seated on the floor, a bottle of bright blue nail polish in hand.

“So how does this work?” Naruto asked, plopping himself down in front of his rival and blissfully ignoring his glare.

“You sit still and don’t move or talk,” Sasuke stiffly informed him. “Give me your hand.”

“Which one?” Naruto asked, which made him roll his eyes in exasperation.

“Either one. I’m going to paint them both, dobe.”

Naruto meekly offered his left hand, palm down, and Sasuke set it on his knee, getting to work with all the careful efficiency he usually saved for ninjutsu. Naruto noticed with more than a little surprise that Sasuke’s hands were shaking, despite his usual attitude of ‘stupid dobe’. He messed up twice and had to wipe off the nails and start over with a mutter that it was Naruto’s fault for moving, even though he was holding perfectly still.

Sasuke, shaking? What did he have to be so nervous about?

Naruto watched him work silently, taking the chance to look at him since his attention was otherwise occupied. He hadn’t brushed his hair yet that morning, meaning that it was a mess of cowlicks and knots. He had circles beneath his eyes from lost sleep, making him look uncannily like his elder brother. And when he leaned over, the sharp angle of his exposed collarbone made Naruto sick to his stomach. Sasuke didn’t look healthy.

I’ve been trying to take care of him, but I’m not doing a good enough job…what kind of crappy alpha-male am I that I can’t even keep my mate healthy?

“Foot,” Sasuke said, jarring Naruto from his thoughts.

“What?” the blond jounin asked, lost.

“Give me your foot and I’ll paint your toenails while the first coat on your fingernails dries,” Sasuke explained with a nebulous shrug. “Might as well have a matching set.”

“Er, but what about you?”

“What about what about me?”

“Your toes,” he said, pointing to Sasuke’s bare white feet. “Why didn’t you paint yours?”

“Are you kidding?” Sasuke asked with an annoyed huff. “I can’t see my toes anymore, much less reach them over my stomach. I’ll just stick to my fingers for now, thanks.”

“Here,” Naruto said, gesturing for him to pass the bottle of polish. “I’ll paint your toenails.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Sasuke muttered, not realizing that being ridiculous was what Naruto was best at.

Not one to take no for an answer, Naruto grabbed his ankle and settled it on his thigh, plucked the nail polish out of his hands, and grinned like a maniac. Too surprised to fight it properly, Sasuke dutifully held still as he carefully brushed color onto his nails. There was a skill to it, and, not being a girl and/or having a gay (mass-murderer of an) elder brother, Naruto lacked it terribly. It was all he could do to not drip the tacky blue stuff everywhere it shouldn’t be, and the end result looked more or less like a defiant child’s coloring book. It was probably a good thing that Sasuke couldn’t see his feet.

But then again, it wasn’t about the nails at all, was it? It was about the way Sasuke squirmed a bit when Naruto lightly drew his fingers over the instep of his sole; it was about how he was trying to be his usual aloof Uchiha self, trying not to tip that he was actually extremely ticklish, and failing magnificently at both.

It was a nice little ‘bonding’ experience, and it would have ended up being a good day had Naruto been able to keep his insufferable temper in check. But he wasn’t able to control his hotheaded temper; it was his worst vice, the one thing that Jiraiya had always berated him for, and it nearly lost him both his mate and his kits in one fell swoop of a bad decision.

The mess started with Sasuke wincing, one hand snaking to hold his stomach. Naruto bristled mid-toenail, the worse case scenarios leaping instantly to mind: preeclampsia, miscarriage, premature labor, false contractions (a plethora of terrifying new terms the baby book had taught him)…

“What, is something wrong?”

“No, it’s nothing,” Sasuke said shortly. “Just a kick. A really, really hard kick. Goddamn ninja baby…ugh. Talk about starting to train early. I wish I could convince it that my internal organs are not enemy nin.”

I think that’s proof enough that it’s your litter, Kyuubi said with a barking laugh. Not even born and already annoying as hell!

“Shut up,” Naruto muttered at his charge, not needing his running commentary.

“What?” Sasuke asked, thinking the comment had been directed at him.

“Er---I said---um---“ Not even making a go at trying to mend his mistake, Naruto just smiled widely. “---can I feel it? If you---if you don’t mind?”

Wordlessly---and feeling like a massive idiot as he did it---Sasuke grabbed Naruto by the wrist and pressed his hand against the curve of his belly. He navigated Naruto's probing fingers to where he had felt the kick---just left and south of his navel. As if excited by this inspection, the baby kicked again, right against his hand, a ripple beneath Sasuke's stretched skin. The blond ninja’s eyes rounded to the rough size of dinner plates, and his grin was foxily exuberant. He gently rubbed his belly, and Sasuke wasn’t about to complain at the attention.

“Oh---oh wow…” he breathed, eyes dancing. “Sasuke, that’s incredible…”

“Incredible?” Sasuke scoffed, half to hide his embarrassment. “It was novel the first few times I felt it move, but it kicks almost constantly now---it’s gotten very old. Keeps me up all night sometimes, moving around and making a general pain in the ass of itself.”

“But it’s a baby---“ Possibly with siblings. “---and it’s yours! That alone is incredible! Three months from now, you’re gonna have a family again---a real family. You and your heir and…”

Naruto found himself quickly losing steam. He could see it in his head: Sasuke with a baby in his arms, Sasuke raising kids that probably looked a hell of a lot like both of them, too, and suddenly Naruto found himself irrationally angry. Once again, he was the outsider looking in. Once again, he was going to sit back and watch people around him fit into happy little families, and once again, he was going to be denied that because of what he was. He had every right to be angry. He should have been angry earlier, angry that Sasuke had used him---and used was the word---without even briefly wondering about the other parent his children would undoubtedly ask about.

Sensing his thoughts and growing infuriation, the Kyuubi growled lowly in his head: Don’t do it, boy; don’t let your temper go…you’re going to hurt you both if you tread on this thoughtlessly…

Shut the hell up, he growled back, his eyes briefly flashing red. Shut up, Kyuubi!

“So, are you ever gonna come clean about who fathered the baby?” Naruto asked, masking his irritation with his usual bright attitude. He didn’t miss the slight tremor that passed over Sasuke’s face---the dead giveaway. His stomach twisted at that look---that I could tell him; I really could, maybe I should; no, I can’t tell him, not even if I wanted to at this point; I’m Uchiha Sasuke, he’s Uzumaki Naruto, the two just don’t mix well: ice and embers, remember…?

“I don’t think it matters,” Sasuke mumbled, tucking a long strand of black hair behind one ear. He didn’t meet Naruto’s gaze.

“Well, I think it matters,” Naruto said, watching the dawning horror on Sasuke’s face with each word. “’Cause it was the wildest birthday present anyone’s given me, that’s for damned sure. I wasn’t as drunk as I pretended to be, Sasuke.”

He saw him turn it over in his head: his eighteenth birthday, my lost virginity, the night we conceived this baby…

When Sasuke’s reply came, it was small and unstable. “So you…you’ve known from the beginning, then?”

“That you’re carrying my kid? Yeah, I’ve known since I came here, at least. I kept hoping that you were going to just up and announce it one day, y’know, admit that sleeping with me was what got you knocked up, but you didn’t.” He paused, licking his lips. They felt unexpectedly dry. “Can I ask why you didn’t tell me? Just out of curiosity.”

“What do you think, Uzumaki?” Sasuke growled, though it lacked venom. “Think for a moment about your own childhood. Do you wish that on anyone?”

“Oh, playing the tortured childhood card? Two can dish it, Sasuke---what about your childhood? Or did you carefully forget that your crazy-ass brother is still running around with a mark on your head? Let’s see, what would Itachi think about being an uncle, and the future competition you’re bearing? Did it ever occur to you that he might take advantage of your pregnancy?”

“I could fend him off,” he said coldly, his hands fisting in his lap.

“You can’t touch your toes, much less fend off an S-level criminal!” Naruto barked. “But you still decided that it was a damn good idea---and you’re denying the protection I could have given you if you’d just told me in the first place!”

“I don’t need your protection, Naruto! I don’t need anything of yours!”

“Right---you needed my body though, didn’t you?”

“Takes two to tango,” Sasuke said, eyes narrowed. “I had to get twenty-three other chromosomes somehow.”

Something in Naruto’s face hardened imperceptibly. When his voice came, it was a low growl, a rumble deep in his chest.

“So there’s no love, is there?” Naruto asked guardedly, his tone making Sasuke’s innards roil. “There was no love in it for you. It was your duty as an Uchiha to have children and pass on Sharingan. You just picked me because I’m strong and easy enough to dupe.”

“It wasn’t just that,” Sasuke muttered, sure that if a stray Byakugan had been focused on him in that moment, the ninja wielding it would have seen the small, icy thing labeled Sasuke’s Heart bleeding morosely away in his chest.

“Oh?” Naruto said, one golden eyebrow arched in question. “Then enlighten me, Uchiha---what else was there? If you say ‘I thought you were hot’, I will fucking puke.”

“Listen, I---“ Sasuke said, his breaths coming in short gasps because of his frustration. “It started that way, but there was something else. I don’t know what, but it was---something---something important. I’ve realized lately that I---I’m glad you came on this stupid mission, and that you’ve stayed with me. I didn’t choose you idly that night; I knew that something important made you my rival. It’s what made you stick around here, despite how…how sick, bitchy, and fat I’ve gotten. I just hoped…it was…”

“Mutual attraction?” Naruto offered lightly, moving nearer.

He’s angry; I don’t even need my Sharingan to see that, but---but I can’t help it;---‘the hell is he doing, he knows I’m attracted to him, be it from love (whatever the hell love is, far be it from me to know) or from lust. Why does he do this to me? I can’t fight back---definitely not physically, and not even mentally, now that I’ve become Sasuke the Emotionally Damp Sponge. I’m weak, I’m needy, I’m everything I’ve always hated about myself…

…And he sees it. Sees I’m not always the Big Bad Number One Rookie.

Maybe I do love him. I don’t know. God oh God, I don’t even know it when I see it---I’m Love Handicapped! I’m sorry! Blame it on my goddamn brother and his goddamn Path of Hatred! I’m trying to make up for it---but---but you don’t see that! You’re not even giving me a chance!

“I didn’t mean for you to find out that way,” Sasuke blurted out, hearing a twang of absolute desperation in his own voice. It made him sick, but he forced it out like sucking out a poison, justifying that he had to say it if he was ever going to get anywhere with his prickly emotions.

“You mean you didn’t mean for me to find out period,” Naruto said in that same cautious voice, icily remote. Mere inches from him, he brushed a calloused hand over Sasuke’s cheek, lightly skimming the pale curve in a way that made him shiver.

“N-no, no---well yes, yes at first, but---I changed my mind! I thought I could carry this child on my own, without relying on anyone else, but you…you…”

Naruto was slowly but very persistently undoing the top buttons of the shirt Sasuke was wearing. He jerked away, thinking oh my God, he wouldn’t try anything, would he? I may have been acting like a bitch in heat, but that doesn’t mean I want him to---to---especially not when he’s so mad, because that’d be rape, wouldn’t it? Fuck. Am I still strong enough to fight him off? He overbalanced---having not thought to adjust for his baby-weight in his haste to get away from the kyuubi-boy’s hands and bitter, bitter eyes---and tumbled forward, curling in to protect his abdomen as he fell. Naruto half-caught him before he got that far, bracing the small of his back with one hand and his swollen stomach with the other, balanced precariously beneath him. Half out of instinct, Sasuke had thrown his arms out, clinging to Naruto’s broad shoulders in order to ground himself.

And now I’m practically draped all over him---going downhill so quickly, dammit…

“You ought to be more careful, Uchiha,” he said, settling the trembling boy easier over him, holding the jutting roundness of his belly against the flat hollow of his own. “You do have your precious heir to watch out for, and falling can abort a baby, even now. Did you know that? Did you know how sickeningly simple it is to kill the child that’s growing in you? I’m sure our enemies are perfectly aware of it. How could you be so stupid?”

“Better me than anyone else!” Sasuke said, that desperation growing to an almost wild level. “I had to do this to preserve the bloodline! And you---I’d hope that you’d…”

Naruto knew that he was teasing him; he was perfectly aware that the other man was obviously being drawn along despite how deeply he was attempting to drag his feet and deny the various things within him that were loosening and hardening. He knew he was teasing him, knew that he was making him flushed and perfectly miserable, but he found himself somewhat uncaring of how shamelessly he was taunting him. If Sasuke was going to allow himself to lust, Naruto had no problem with dropping him painfully, cruel in a way that should have been contrary to his nature.

Huh, he thought sardonically. Didn’t know I could be so damn mean, but he totally set himself up for it. Used me like the tool he set me up to be, and it’s only fair that I burn him now that he’s ‘fallen’ for me. Serves the bastard right. He should be hurt for what he did.

Sasuke gave a small moan despite everything that it went against within his strict set of Uchiha rules. He shook visibly, straining desperately against the conflicting urges firing in his brain---get off Naruto, you can’t possibly touch him like this, you’re giving yourself away; lean in those three damned inches between you and kiss him breathless, kiss him until he forgets that you used him like a paper napkin; strip and show him exactly how appreciative you are that he doesn’t hate you all that much, and never mind that you’re so pregnant you waddle. He won’t mind. Much. Variety is good.

I’m fucking losing my mind…

“So, Satori-chan,” Naruto said, tracing the pale curve of his throat with one finger, inwardly grinning as he whimpered, a hectic blush turning his white-as-milk face a hundred fun shades of pink. “What were you saying about me? Other than you want me to fuck your brains out?”

“S-screw you,” Sasuke stammered breathlessly, his eyes narrowed into heavy black slits.

“Yep, you did,” Naruto said brightly, cradling the ripe curve of his belly with both hands and grinning like a maniac. “You screwed me like there was no tomorrow, and look what came of it---the very first Uchiha baby in twenty years. You got exactly what you wanted, without any nasty emotions involved.”

Sasuke pursed his lips angrily---Naruto had said it like it was something infinitely dirty, a slap in the face, a mock behind his back.

“If you think there are no emotions involved in this, you’re blind---“ Sasuke hissed, but Naruto slid his arms around his waist and jerked him down on top of him, interrupting his thoughts with his mouth and tongue. Suddenly, everything was all lips and hands; Sasuke would reflect later that Naruto probably hadn’t been able to breathe with the weight of a very pregnant man crushing him, but he didn’t show any signs of discomfort. He just kissed Sasuke with a sloppy, hasty passion, his fingers tangled into the untidy mess of his black hair.

Naruto snaked one hand down and over the bulge of Sasuke’s stomach, gripping his hard-on through his sweatpants. He gasped involuntarily, and Naruto broke the kiss, a sick sort of frigidity settling in his blue eyes.

It was the kind of look that said I want to hurt you. I want you to bleed like I am.

“Yeah, there’s emotion all right,” Naruto whispered, sounding absolutely disgusted. He spat out each word. “Lust. Selfishness. And gee, I can’t really ignore the blatant lies you keep spewing out---if you think that I’m going to willingly put myself into a relationship like that, you’re the one that’s blind. That baby is my responsibility, but you---you I can’t quite deal with right now.”

“I hate you,” Sasuke said savagely, jerking away, so angry that he didn’t care that the scalding tears had finally come, pouring down his face with boyish abandon. He hadn’t allowed himself tears for over a decade---not since he’d collapsed on the dead bodies of his parents and cried and cried as his brother had watched with cool detachment. Crying again, and over HIM, over NARUTO, over that blond asshole that’d fathered the baby he proclaimed to care for---! “I wish you were dead! This is---this is why I didn’t---“

“If you were trying to keep from getting hurt,” Naruto said evenly, coldly. “You should have known better.”

He managed to free himself from Sasuke, his expression wintry, and left with a dramatic slam of the door. Sakura was standing on the other side of the door, her medic-nin satchel in hand, her expression blankly stricken. She looked to be on the verge of tears herself, having overheard the tail end of their fight.

“I---I let myself in. I’m sorry to have eavesdropped, but that was…so harsh, Naruto,” Sakura said softly, feeling painfully sympathetic to her former crush. Not many people could be fully justified to be screwed with like that.

“So what,” Naruto said stiffly, tonelessly, not meeting his teammate’s frightened gaze. “It’s not any more than he deserves.”

And with that, he stormed off---probably to go to the bar, because, being Naruto, pulling off that scene had hurt him, too, and alcohol seemed to be the only natural salve. There was far too much self-hate and confusion between the boys; too much similarity and too much blindness, making reconciliation nearly impossible. Yes, they had both made mistakes, and yes, there should be forgiveness, but Sasuke was too prideful to ask for it and Naruto was currently too upset to give it freely.

Sakura sighed, hearing a ragged sob muffled by the door.

Unaware of his audience, Uchiha Sasuke had begun to openly weep.