The Scheme

Scheme – Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Look in the first chapter. Hate repeating myself.

Sakura praised her medical skills more ways than one as she poured a noxious liquid down her parched throat to alleviate the massive pounding in her head and the ceaseless queasiness in her stomach. With her lack of coordination at her current state of detoxification, she would never manually cure herself of the atrocious hangover. She had important surgeries to perform that day with people’s lives on the line, and tonight was the pivotal time to execute the next step in her plan.

The day passed by as expected until later in the afternoon, while she was on an errand to purchase more alchemy supplies, Ino unexpectedly cornered her and ushered her into a Tea house demanding that she spill out her guts. Having experienced Ino’s propensity to do any underhanded and usually painful ways to satiate her curiosity, Sakura took an hour of her busy schedule to save her hide. That was what best friends did, right? Well, for ninjas, it was.

As she narrated her plan omitting the specifics of her strip tease deal with Jairaya-sama to save her ears from bleeding, Ino remained uncommonly silent with punctuated remarks of “oh,” “OH,” and “OH MY GOD!” as the anecdote continued.

Once the tale was finished, Ino leaned over and began to rub on Sakura’s forehead in worship causing other patrons in the café to look at them strangely.

While slapping the blonde’s hand away, Sakura spluttered in rage, “What are you doing Ino-pig? My forehead is NOT Buddha’s belly.”

“It’s certainly big enough,” her friend added smugly.

“What?!”

Ino snickered at Sakura’s expression. “Settle down. I didn’t mean it that way. Sheesh, and people tell me that I’m hot tempered.”

Sakura gritted her teeth and quietly imagined punching her haughty friend in her pretty face.

“I mean, whatever you cooked in that big forehead of yours is ingenious. How in the world did you manage to devise such an intricate plan? And why didn’t you tell me forehead girl?!”

It was Sakura’s chance to be smug. “Because Ino-pig, your big fat mouth can’t be trusted until I have something to guarantee your cooperation.”

Ino’s piercing blue eyes narrowed. “What do you mean by that?”

“Remember when you somehow found out about Asuma-san’s agreement with Kurenai-san to give up his smoking for sex?”

“Yeah, and?”

“You vomited to everyone about it with your incessant need to gossip.”

“Well, it serves him right. His cigarettes are so disgusting. I had to put up with it for years because he was my sensei,” Ino fumed.

“It still means that you have a big mouth.”

“That is something completely different,” Ino contested.

“Suuureee. Anyway, I can tell you now because I knew you had to know as my best friend, and I also have my guarantee.”

Ino glared at her supposed best friend. “Tell me or I will –“

“Stop it Ino-pig. It’s not about trust. I trust you with my life and my happiness,” Sakura urged to calm down her excitable friend. “It’s just that your mouth can’t be trusted that much.”

“So what do you have over me?” the blonde demanded.

“I know of your secret crush on Genma.”

“Of course you do because I told you as my FRIEND.”

Sakura grinned evilly and answered snidely, “But you didn’t tell me that you have a secret shrine dedicated to him and your most precious item is some pictures you somehow managed to get of him naked.”

Ino’s eyes widened akin to the size of saucers as if her eyeballs were about to pop out at any moment, and her hands were gripping the table for dear life shaking the wood and all it supported. “No you didn’t.”

“Oh yes, Ino-pig. Say one word and Genma would hear every minute detail,” Sakura stated, giddy that she had an one-up on her friend. Even though their friendship reconciled after the chunnin exam, their rivalry never fully dissipated. She had to thank Neji for this little tidbit. His bloodlimit was so useful to her. Even better was his expression when he communicated this information.

Ino frowned and made a face. “Fine. I swear on the secret of my family’s jutsu skills never to peep one word of your torrid scheme.”

“Good.”

“Now tell me how you managed to conjure this all up.”

“Shikamura.”

“Eh?” Ino’s forehead scrunched up, oblivious to Sakura’s train of thoughts. “What does my lazy bum of a teammate have anything to do with this?”

“I have been his usual Shogi partner for years now. When we play, not only does he teach me about Shogi but he also teaches me how to strategize. I’m learning how to think like him. He can’t be considered Konoha’s laziest but smartest ninja if his brain wasn’t always running a mile a minute unlike the unmoving rock he calls his body.”

Blinking rapidly as if to mentally process the news, Ino proudly declared, “Wow Sakura. You are clever and so very wicked. I give you soo much props. Your big forehead really does mean you have a big brain”.

“Shut it. Now tell me about your date the other day….”

The two friends spent another few minutes chitchatting about girlish nonsense as they were apt to do with each other. When Sakura checked her watch, she decided she had return to the hospital. But before they departed, Ino solicited one last question.

“Why Jiraiya-sama?”

“Remember what you say about men repeatedly after every date?”

“Yeah, that the only things that get them motivated for anything are food and sex.”

“That’s right. And you know I have no experience with men.”

“Because you pine away for Sasuke, forehead girl,” said Ino accusingly. The blonde had dropped the ‘kun’ from the Uchiha’s name after the village declared him a traitor and she discovered other handsome men existed in the vicinity.

“Shut it. Anyway, YOU are my inspiration when it comes to men.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. Now don’t allow that to inflate the big head of yours.”

“Who are you talking to forehead girl? I’m not the one with a mountain as my forehead,” Ino cuttingly remarked.

Sakura glowered. “Do you want me tell you or not?”

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry. So?”

“I’ve been working on the food part from Choji’s lessons and using it quite well I might add during Team Seven’s bi-weekly dinner.”

“And the sex part? I thought you were a virgin. You ARE a VIRGIN because if you are otherwise, I swear I will never forgive you for not telling me,” Ino seethed.

“I am. My god, Ino. No wonder people think you talk too much,” Sakura said ignoring the daggers being thrown her way by Ino’s intimidating glare. “I’m saying that the old pervert can spark the imagination and enrage the lust without me actually doing anything. Imagination is a dangerous and powerful thing.”

“Oh! OH!” Ino chortled when she finally realized the devious arrangement Sakura had against her love idol.

As Sakura moved to leave her cackling friend, she turned her head to say, “You should play some Shogi with Shikamaru. It may help you get Genma.” With that, the pink haired nin left a spluttering blonde in her wake.



Once evening came about, Sakura diligently packed ingredients in a bag to prepare for the aforementioned bi-weekly dinner. Careful not to bruise her special tomatoes she planted and cultivated with the help of Shino who surprisingly possessed a green thumb (who could have ever anticipated that?) Sakura made her way to Sasuke’s apartment. She spent all morning meditating to anticipate how she would approach the frigid alpha male with an obvious superiority complex.

On the appointed time, she knocked on Sasuke-kun’s door to reveal her black haired god who glanced at her then moved aside for her entrance. As expected, no greetings came her way. He was a man of actions and not of words.

“Hi Sasuke-kun! You won’t believe what I’ll make for you tonight,” she announced cheerfully handing the heavy groceries to him skipping the normal declarations of her affections filled with shy compliments and longing looks. Mentally patting herself in the back, she confidently strode in his large kitchen to don the apron she kept in his drawer.

He stalked after her -- because being the type of person he was, he could never stop being a ninja for one sane minute – and began to place the food in his bare fridge.

“I wanted to make this for Naruto too. It’s a shame that he had to be on a mission. It’s just not healthy to consume ramen on a normal basis,” she began with the initiation of her plan. It was just not out luck that made Naruto and Sai absent this evening and probably in each other’s company in a foreign land squabbling at one another. They truly deserved each other for their annoyances.

“Hn.”

She gingerly gathered the tomatoes and began to cut them in slices except for one, leaving it intact for Sasuke-kun’s consumption. “Try it.” Seeing him hesitantly bite through the red skin, she asked, “It’s good right?”

“Ah.” Another short response. He could never be considered a man of a thousand words, not even a hundred words……..a handful would be too much unless he was lecturing about power to some opponent.

“I know. Now why don’t you set up the table and let me do some damage in your kitchen,” she requested while nonchalantly twirling a kitchen knife with her fingers capturing the essence of a ninja housewife.

Giving her a guarded look for a second before sulking back to his table, he followed her instructions. He listened to her hum and watched her efficiently move in his kitchen like a culinary master with knives in both hands cutting, dicing, stirring, and frying. If it was required to shake the pan, she flung one knife in the air to momentarily free her hand before expertly catching the razor sharp utensil to resume her fluid and graceful cuisine ballet. Her little juggling act was an impressive sight indeed, and Sakura noticed Sasuke-kun’s rapt attention of her movements. He respected superiority in any skill especially a skill he remained ignorant in performing himself, and she took any means to exploit it. Usually, Naruto distracted him from actually paying close attention to her cooking, and her teammates only experienced the end product of her hard work. While delightful as the food tasted, Sakura ensured that today, her intended would appreciate her input in what made their dinners such a success.

After forty five minutes, several delectable dishes consisting of fish, meats, and vegetables were displayed. As she scooped out the rice in the bowls, she instructed him to eat like a mother hen would with her chick.

“I made some new dishes. What do you think about it?” Sakura inquired for the sake of filling the silence with some of her trademark inane chatter. Discerning how enthusiastically he began to devour the food according to her Sasuke-kun dictionary – although people would assume indifference from his expressionless mechanical movements – slight behavioral changes straying from the stringent norm told her otherwise.

“Hn,”

According to the pitch and length of his vocals, it pointed to “hn” number forty five in the Sasuke-kun dictionary. It meant he did like it more than his other preferences.

“You know, if you expect a girl to cook like this for you on a regular basis, you can be a little more vocal about it,” Sakura goaded just to get some reaction out of him rather than use her Sasuke-kun dictionary to comprehend all the nuances conveyed in his terse responses.

“It’s good,” he finally admitted.

“That’s right. Now that wasn’t hard,” she chastised. Normally she would have beamed, blushed, and then stuttered. But today would emerge a different Sakura in front of her paragon, a Sakura who can rationally be herself and won’t be intimidated by his gorgeousity and uber masculinity. Meditation prepared her to bind, gag, and toss infatuated Sakura into the darkest and deepest chasm in her mind which provided her with the opportunity to interact with him as a sane person rather than a giggly school girl who plants imaginary sparkles and a dreamy fog around his face.

“Hn.” Number nine, a very frequent one used which Sakura understood to mean, “I am not amused.”

“Choji suggested that we get out of the ninja business to start our own restaurant.”

He snorted. “It would go out of business in a week.”

“Why would you say that?”

“He’s a fat ass.”

Sakura halted her eating to contemplate on whether to go in for the strike. “That’s interesting. Sai-kun calls him that all the time.”

“Hn.” Oh-oh, it was “hn” number thirty-eight, the ever rare but pungent “hn” filled with animosity, frigidity, and irritation wrapped up in one syllable. He obviously did not like being compared to Sai.

“So you should not call him a fat ass. Well at least to his face especially in small spaces. He’ll just blow up like a balloon and sit on you.”

Sasuke-kun scoffed, “I would like to see him try.”

“You guys must be twins. Sai-kun says that too,” Sakura vocalized with light hearted giggles.

One brow twitched and Sasuke’s face turned sour. “You know what you are doing is not going to work,” he stated darkly.

“And what am I doing?” asked Sakura feigning innocence and a little mindlessness.

“You and that bastard. I don’t care.”

Sakura merely blinked while inner Sakura outright laughed. She never realized her brilliant Sasuke-kun never saw her beyond a love sick twelve year old girl. True, he had come to recognize her as a faithful close friend and skilled teammate, but as a woman, to him, she was a flat-chested, weak, emotionally unstable maniac without an iota of common sense when it came to him.

She guessed that it would work in her advantage, but it was frankly insulting. Sasuke-kun’s blinding arrogance in assessing his own abilities detracted him from ever considering that Sakura was indeed smarter than him and possessed better social understanding due to her medical training. Please, provoking jealousy would be what pre-teen civilians did to ensnare their crush. Sakura was an adult ninja – and a very high ranking ninja one at that. It would undermine her intelligence and her craft if her only objective to the entire scheme involving the most powerful and the most intelligent ninjas in the village was to solely achieve mere jealousy. Of course, there was no denying that jealousy would be a well received side effect, but her aims were loftier than to conjure up an insignificant reaction.

In a blasé tone, Sakura waved off his comment as some irrelevant suggestion. “Well you shouldn’t. What is between him and me have nothing whatsoever to do with you and me.”

“Hn.” Number twenty-five “hn” spoke of acquiescence but tinged with doubt.

“Good. Oh yeah, since your probation will be lifted soon, and you will be allowed to take the jounin exams, I’ll be there to help you with training,” Sakura, the ever faithful and doting friend, offered. She could not deny her friendship with him. On the contrary, for the benefit of her scheme, her friendship must be like a rock and unquestionable.

“You know that I will pass now if I had to.”

“True. You are at a high jounin level if not Anbu, you need to make a good showing because of your past. You will have to demonstrate what an important asset you are to the village based on skill and not based on namesake. The village needs to know that they will be at a serious disadvantage without you,” declared the intelligent and highly respected medical nin and not the friend Sakura or the ever supportive Sakura.

Sasuke glanced at her with dark probing eyes. “Fine. I’ll report to Kakashi to correspond our schedules.”

Slapping his back in hearty agreement, Sakura said, “I knew you’ll see it my way. Don’t worry, I’ll always make time to help you out. Now since we’re done, you mister will be doing the dishes.”

The old Sakura usually handled all the aspects of dinner including the cooking and then the cleaning without demanding her teammates to do any of the chores because she wanted Sasuke-kun to maintain a good opinion of her. This Sakura possessed motives for the time being to treat her black haired teammate like any one of her other friends.

Sasuke-kun looked at her again. Maybe it was out of irritation or out of surprise. Sakura had yet to perfect the Uchiha silence, and before she had the opportunity to further study the workings of his mind, he silently rose up from his chair to collect the dishes.

Watching Sasuke perform an act of domesticity was quite a rare sight so Sakura observed him merely to ingrain the image in her mind.

“Stop doing that,” he grumbled.

“Do what?

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“I didn’t think that imagining you in a pink frilly apron is what’s on your mind.”

The ever expressionless Sasuke fidgeted and then snorted. “It seems like more than more that you are acting like the idiot.”

“When it comes to you, I won’t take that completely as an insult.”

Sasuke bristled but remained silent.

“Oh if you haven’t figured it out, I brought more already prepared food in the plastic containers.” Of course she brought more food; she had done so since his arrival back into the village. Anything else would cause too much suspicion.

“Ah.”

“And because Naruto is not here to harass us to go to some dizzying noisy bar, I rented us a video.”

Sasuke “hn-ed” number five which translated into “yes, but what is it?” Sakura seriously considered publishing this little dictionary so that people would understand the reticent ninja and actually want to interact with him. He took social ineptitude into another category of its own.

“Don’t worry. It’s filled with cute fluffy bunnies holding hands and skipping through meadows just like how you like it,” she teased.

“You didn’t,” he said in a dead pan voice. He wiped his hands on the kitchen towel and followed her stealthily to his living room.

“It is SO ….. with slight exaggeration. Bunnies are represented by blood thirsty Samurais; holding hands mean they are actually exchanging swordfights; and meadows equate to battlefields. You see now?”

“Hn,” he replied with a smirk.

Darkening the room and taking a seat on the ends of a three-seat sofa, they watched the tale unfold. For the first time while together alone, Sakura failed to glance once at her beloved Sasuke-kun. It was not as if she paid complete attention to the movie itself, she was mentally arguing with Inner Sakura why she should look at his beautiful side profile while her Inner self shouted obscenities at her. She even pretended to lounge more comfortably and never scooted an inch towards him as she was tempted to do. It appeared to be working because she felt Sasuke loosening up his rigid posture.

Just when the ending credits began to scroll up the TV screen, the two ninjas heard arguing outside the door.

“What are you doing here bastard?!” shouted a voice that was unmistakably belonging to Naruto.

“For my Sakura-chan, dickless wonder. God clearly did not gift you with a penis or a brain,” said Sai’s voice in a pleased tone.

“WHAT??!! I’ll get you for that!” screamed Naruto.

Sakura rushed to the door when she heard scuffling interposed with some growling and skin being punched. She opened the door with the sight of Naruto and Sai both in a headlock in the other’s arm.

“What in the world are you two doing here??!!!” she screeched caught off guard by this surprise. She had planned for them to return tomorrow or the next day.

Naruto grinned humorously even as Sai’s arm tightened around his throat. “We finished early, and tonight was our dinner night, but this bastard followed me.”

Sai wheezed, “Dickless wonder can not get it through his thick skull that you are dating me. I came here for you.”

Sakura glared at both and held a shaking fist up which effectively and immediately separated the two. Breathing deeply to control the rising anger for her lost time alone with Sasuke-kun, she snarled at the two simultaneously, “Stop trying to kill each other you dumbasses! You are both causing a raucous in this quiet neighborhood!” She blatantly ignored the fact that she was the source for the loudest commotion.

“But Sakura-chan,” whined Naruto.

“Shut up! I don’t want to hear it Naruto,” she seethed. She pointed at her blond friend who was pouting at the moment. “There are a lot of leftovers so come in.”

Naruto happily obliged and childishly stuck his tongue out at Sai as he entered the apartment.

“And you,” Sakura pointed to her pretend boyfriend, “Wait here so I can get my stuff.”

“What?!” shouted Naruto from the inside.

Sakura stormed back to retrieve her bags passing a notably angered Sasuke. “Well I can’t stay here because the two idiots will tear this place apart.”

“You can stay Sakura. It is team night,” stated Sasuke who was staring at her poignantly. Naruto agreed by eagerly nodding his head.

With a deep sigh, Sakura shook her head. “Sai came here for me after a long tiresome mission. I need to go. Why don’t we do lunch tomorrow at the Ichiraku?” Sakura had to leave. Although she adored Naruto, she could not execute her plan with his presence. ‘Damn it! What a wasted effort!’ snarled Inner Sakura.

Sasuke gave a hesitant nod while Naruto looking decidedly miffed complied with a “Just don’t bring that bastard.”

“Fine. But his name is Sai, Naruto.”

An annoyed Sakura left the premise with the cheerfully masked Sai trailing besides her.

“So why did you come? I thought being in Naruto’s presence for more than what was required made you noxious.”

“What else? To annoy him more with the extra enjoyment of annoying the traitor.”

Sakura scoffed, “Naruto was right. You are a bastard.”

“He may call me that but at least I’m not the traitor’s he-bitch.”

“He certainly is not. And Sasuke-kun’s not GAY moron. If you want to see a homo, look in a mirror.”

“You are just saying that because I’m attractive, ugly,” mocked Sai while simultaneously faltering in his steps which Sakura honed in on with her astute medical eye.

“What happened to you?”

“Surprise attack from Cloud nins,” he answered casually, apparently concealing the extent of his injuries.

“What about Naruto? Was he injured too?” she worried.

“No. Why do you think I call him dickless and wonder? It’s a wonder that he never gets hurt even with his lack of brain.”

Sakura’s compassion won over her frustration for this trash talking nin. “Come to my apartment. I’ll look over your injuries.”

“You and me in your apartment alone so that you can do your sadistic pleasures in private? I think not ugly.”

“Shut it. This is an order from your medic moron. I’ll even report you for your insubordination.”

“Fine.”

The two continued on their way to Sakura’s apartment while verbally squabbling and enjoying every snide and rude comment being flung their way. Once they arrived, Sakura realized that this was the first time she extended an invitation to Sai.

“Welcome to my humble abode. Don’t touch anything because I don’t want your filth to dirty the place up.”

“There is no welcome when you are forcing me inside your lair probably filled with decomposing corpses of men who denied your pitiful advances,” he ridiculed as he was taking off his sandals.

She chuckled, “Nope. I rather prefer to kill and hide uncouth ninjas whose mouths are comparable to sewage, but I can’t seem to find anyone who fit that description…… but now I’ve found you.”

He smiled pleasantly even allowing some white teeth to peek through. As he stepped into her orderly and simply furnished living room, the pink haired nin halted him with her hand.

“When was the last time you took a bath? You smell awful and look even worse. I thought gay men preferred to stay clean.”

“I’m not gay, and I would have washed off the blood if the dickless wonder had not insisted we come straight back to the village without stopping.”

“Whatever. Go to the bathroom and take a shower. There are clean towels in the cabinet and there are cleaners that don’t smell like fruits or flowers in a basket at the corner of the tub.”

One eyebrow rose questionably. “Entertain much?”

Sakura quelled the stammering Inner Sakura from doing more damage to the injured nin. “I keep those for my male friends who come back from a mission in the same condition as you. Don’t question me and just do it,” commanded Sakura donning her medic mask.

Without another asinine reply, he followed her instructions. Sakura wondered if that insulting personality was purposely set to guard himself like Sasuke’s reticence. Because she developed a habit of mothering cold, inhibited, and discourteous shinobis, she made her way to the kitchen to gather her medical supplies and warm some food for her undeserving comrade.

Never would she have imagined to be treating Sai with such consideration, but when he came to her wearing Naruto’s old shirt and Sasuke’s shorts, she forced him to eat and sit still as she applied her medical knowledge to his body. She could have easily ordered him to the hospital to be attended by those on their rounds, but as she came to know him more as a person and not a ninja, she began to warm up to him. As a result, she verbalized her feelings and uttered something that altered their barely tolerable relationship.

“You know after hard missions, I expect you to come to me as well.”

Maybe her decision was swayed by his unfamiliar silence and the look of his face unlike his customary feigned expression. He did not smile, and his eyes did not look dead. He sincerely frowned as his dark gaze penetrated her with startling intensity.


A/N: I like this Sakura so much more than the version in the manga or the anime. She is a woman whom I can respect even if the purpose for her actions seems a little petty, but that is her and I can’t necessarily change that about her. Changing such an important element of her character will defeat my purpose on creating a viable Naruto world.

This chapter was a pain in the rear end. I know, I know. I need more Sasuke. Gawd, he is such a bitch to write. In the anime, he only talks when he is fighting, being instigated into a fight, or on a mission.

Anyhow, please review.