Losing Battles

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Lost Battles
Rekindled

"Sometimes by losing a battle you find a new way to win the war."
~Donald Trump

Battle 13:
Gaara

He had been staring out the window for at least five minutes. Gaara calmly watched him, sitting quietly in his presence while the Konohan looked out at the bright red sun dipping lower along the cliffs on the horizon. Long shadows crept towards him, blanketing the room in reds and blacks. Only Naruto’s bright hair and orange jacket stood out harshly.

Gaara had seen little of him since his arrival two days before. There had been many preparations, meetings and guests to greet; and when the initial fanfare was over, there were the celebratory dinners, the meetings and the beginning demonstrations. This was the first night in many that he and the others were given a rest. The Mizukage’s representatives had been passed onto lower ranking ninja to be shown around the village. The Konohan representatives, having made the trek many times before, had graciously declined.

And so Gaara found himself seeking Naruto as soon as he could be unleashed from his duties but had yet to make it beyond the doorway, having found his friend quietly staring out the window. He couldn’t bring himself to break the silence. Silence and Naruto were not two things that went together. He took the moment to observe, and to strategize a response. He was fairly certain he had determined the source of that silence.

“You miss him,” Gaara verbalized. Naruto whipped his head around and grinned. He looked genuinely glad to see him, despite the nature of his observation.

“There you are! I’ve been waiting this whole time for you!” Naruto smiled easily, but Gaara caught the sudden change in topic- the complete disregard for his earlier statement. For whose sake it was ignored, Gaara was not sure.

“I’ve been occupied.” He kept his voice calm and in control, despite the slight tremble he could sense in his knees. “Duties first.” Naruto’s smile slid. Gaara had the sense that he wasn’t enjoying this diplomatic business as much as he enjoyed being on a battlefield. “You should understand that, having been handpicked by Tsunade for this mission.”

A smug smile crossed Naruto’s lips at the mention of Tsunade and her obvious esteem for him. A trace of the old cocky Naruto emerged- a factor that had been disappointedly absent until now. “That’s because I’ll be the next Hokage!”

Then consider those meetings training,” Gaara replied. He could feel a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth and he did his best to suppress it.

Naruto smirked in response, but it quickly slid. “Not the type of training I want to be working on.” His mind seemed to be elsewhere. Gaara recognized that look- the line of frustration that ran across his forehead and a bitten lip.

“What’s wrong?” He stepped closer, hoping his presence would be consoling, but Naruto seemed startled when he looked up and noticed Gaara’s proximity.

“It’s Sasuke.” Naruto was outright grimacing. “All we do is train and yet I still can’t beat him.” Gaara had the vague notion that this wasn’t a simple matter of sparring. But if Naruto chose not to disclose those details, he wouldn’t press. “How can I become Hokage if I can’t even triumph over my teammate?”

“There is more to a kage than fighting skills.” That got Naruto’s interest. “The Akatsuki were stronger than most kages, but they lacked what was most important.”

Naruto looked at him with confusion. His face was locked in concentration and Gaara could almost imagine the gears in his brain working quickly to try to figure out the answer.

“Heart, Uzumaki. How else can one love one’s village enough? How else would we be willing to die to protect it?”

A light bulb seemed to click on in Naruto’s head. His eyes lit up with new excitement. “Tsunade picked me.” He seemed surprised and delighted over this most obvious news.

“Yes, we all know that.”

Naruto looked at him as if he was the slow one.

“No, you don’t get it! Tsunade picked me, even though Sasuke can’t leave the village. I thought she was just trying to punish him for being a former rogue nin… I didn’t stop to think that she was rewarding me.”

Naruto smiled with a new sort of enthusiasm. He looked happier than Gaara had seen him in days.

“Thanks Gaara! I never thought of it that way.” He seemed to smile with the confidence of his old self.

“Of course, physical prowess is also important.” An idea had begun hatching in his brain. He smiled and gestured towards the door. “Come with me.” He began walking and stopped when Naruto didn’t follow him.

“Where are we going?”

“The training grounds.”

“Huh? For what?” Naruto peered back out the window at the setting sun.

“Even the Kazekage must train. Should I pass up an opportunity to spar with a powerful rival?” Naruto’s ears perked up at the last word, just as Gaara had predicted. Naruto grinned, excitement bubbling up between them.

“Lead the way.”

A bunshin came from behind while two approached from in front. Sand whipped around him, creating a wall that formed spikes. Two bunshins stopped in time while a third impaled itself and was released. He heard a yell from above and he looked up in time to see Naruto posed above him.

Sand flew out in all directions, wrapping around all bodies and holding them above the ground.

“No fair,” they all pouted simultaneously. Gaara chuckled.

“Release the bunshins. I don’t want to hurt you.” He tightened the sand around them just a little to illustrate his meaning. Naruto grumped from 3 different directions, but did as requested. Gaara slowly lowered him to the ground.

“No fair, your sand has gotten faster. I’d be surprised if fuzzy eyebrows could get past that… thing.” He cross his arms and frowned. “How about we spar without weapons? Taijutsu versus taijutsu.”

Gaara considered this. Naruto was both taller and heavier than him and taijutsu wasn’t his specialty. Still, it would be good training.

Gaara nodded and placed his gourd on the ground. Assuming a fighter’s stance, he was ready.

“No bunshins, just you and me.”

Naruto nodded and assumed his stance as well. They both regarded each other cautiously, Gaara standing in wait and knowing that Naruto would make the first move. He was always the less patient one between them.

He turned into a blur of yellow and orange, attacking from his blind spot, but Gaara whirled and deflected his shot. A kick came out at him and he managed to block it in time.

Uzumaki had definitely gotten faster. He stepped backwards, constantly in defense and never quite able to throw in a punch.

Just when he thought he had an opening, Uzumaki dropped and swept his legs out from under him.

He landed flat on his ass, managing to at least right himself enough so he wouldn’t fall like a domino. He grimaced at the pain and the way Uzumaki was grinning like a fox.

“I’m out of practice,” Gaara murmured lamely.

Naruto burst out into laughter. Gaara picked himself back up, dusted off his pants and gestured that he was ready to start again. Truth be told, he was a little embarrassed, but if that’s what it took to see Naruto laughing and smiling like that again, it was worth it.

Gaara was a little more prepared this time, having a better sense of Uzumaki’s new style. He detected a bit of the Uchiha’s influence and tried to think back to their battle so many years ago. He seemed fond of fakes and misdirection, but Gaara was catching on. Still on constant defense, he finally found an opening between punches, aiming straight for Uzumaki’s chest; but the heavier boy chose that moment to hook his ankle and step forward. Instead of landing a blow, Gaara was falling backwards. He managed to latch onto Naruto’s mesh shirt instead, trying to keep himself afoot, but that only sent them both tumbling down.

Gaara grimaced- the ground broke his fall as he broke Naruto’s. He didn’t move, stunned by the blow and the fact that Uzumaki was now practically on top of him. His stomach fluttered with nervousness and the old longing that even now would materialize against his will.

“I told you I was rusty.” A rumbling laughter came from somewhere, muffled against his chest. His heart clenched a little at the sensation. He had hoped the laughter would break the tension, not boost it with the bittersweet tang of nostalgia.

It still felt so familiar.

“Are you okay?” He tried to keep his breath and voice even, willing his heartbeat to slow to that of a man composed. And then he felt a slight nodding against his chest.

He could have sworn he felt Naruto inhale deeply from his shirt before his head popped up. “I’m fine. You’re much softer than the ground.” He grinned, Gaara tried to glare, but it was difficult to be taken seriously in his present position and frankly, that smile of Naruto’s was entirely too infectious. Staving off a beating heart was child’s play in light of holding back a smile.

But he could not prevent the inevitable. He smiled, looking into those twinkling eyes and laughed like old times. Naruto laughed and smiled back, blue eyes conveying gratitude and warm affection. For a moment, Gaara could pretend as if nothing had ever changed and holding to the illusion, Gaara reached up and tucked back a stray strand of hair; the careless action triggered a ripple between them. It felt like seconds and or minutes or as if time had slowed down to play itself in slow motion: Naruto’s body leaned in closer, eyes still smiling as his lips gravitated dangerously towards Gaara’s. Gaara’s eyes slid half closed, body anticipating what had once been habit. And then everything froze.

He could feel the tension in Naruto’s body when everything halted. Gaara’s eyes flew open, noting the panic in Naruto’s eyes. His lips were just a breath away when his eyes darkened- warring between guilt and confusion. It was the guilt that hurt most.

Still, something inside his heart rejoiced and Gaara too felt the pang of guilt at finding himself so delighted; for he knew then that Uchiha still hadn’t won his heart completely.

Gaara stroked Naruto’s back and ran his fingers through blond locks to soothe him. He knew what Naruto was thinking and he required no apologies. Naruto rested his head back down upon Gaara’s chest and allowed his hair to be stroked.

Tomorrow, they would most likely greet each other as comrades and there would be no more words of tonight spoken. But tonight- tonight they would hold, or be held, and remember the elusive sensation of being treasured once more.


"Only when you are lost can love find itself in you without losing its way."
~Helene Cixous

Battle 14:
Sakura

The halls were dark and eerily quiet. Either few lived in this part of the tower or they were all sleeping.

She held up her light, looking for the right sign and when she found the clean lettering marking the Kazekage’s door, she knocked.

He answered quickly, warm light spilling through the crack as the door opened. A green eye peered out at her before opening the door completely.

She didn’t mean to stare, but as soon as he opened the door, she couldn’t help it. He stood topless, loose black pants slung low on his waist. He looked like any guy getting ready to go to bed, only much prettier.

“I’m sorry to disturb you. Thank you for arriving on such short notice.” He held the door open and stepped aside to let her in.

She stepped in hurriedly, shifting her attention to the clean, sparsely furnished bedroom. For someone of his position, his room was a lot simpler than she would have imagined: a room of geometrical shapes and neutral colors.

“You said you had an injury?” She looked him over carefully, but couldn’t detect anything wrong. It was when he walked over to his chair that she noticed the hobble in his step.

“You’re limping,” she stated in surprise.

“Uzumaki is stronger than I remember. Don’t worry, it’s not serious. A sprain at most.”

“You two were fighting?” Sakura was alarmed. Gaara’s eyes twinkled a little and he smiled.

“Sparring. He doesn’t know he hurt me.”

Sakura rolled her eyes. “Let me guess, you forced yourself to walk on a sprained ankle to hide the injury.”

Gaara nodded as if that was a given. “I would appreciate your discretion.”

Sakura sighed and kneeled in front of the Kazekage, grabbing the foot attached to the injured ankle and lifted it. She felt along the ankle itself, checked from the swelling and asked him to rotate it only as much as he could, comfortably.

After her examination was complete, she declared it a sprain and set about healing it. It was not a long process, but nor was it short.

“How is your team?” Gaara broke the silence.

Sakura gave a half-hearted smile. “So-so. To be honest, I’ve tried to get along with them more, but it’s hard to wedge myself into their world. They’re so caught up in their stupid rivalry.” She knew she was scowling by the end of that statement.

“You and Naruto aren’t getting along?”

Sakura thought back to the argument they had before leaving Konoha. Not getting along? That wasn’t quite it. More like an inability to see the other’s point of view.

“We had an argument before leaving the village.” Sakura focused on her chakra levels, vaguely noting what nice skin Gaara has. She knew Gaara’s silence was a way of encouraging her to speak, but she was trying to ignore it.

“About?”

No luck. He wasn’t going to let her slide. She tightened her grip on his ankle, careful not to move the angle.

“He wanted to include Sasuke on the mission, even though the Hokage expressly forbid it.” She felt unhappy just remembering it. She hadn’t argued with Naruto that badly since they were kids.

“Sounds like him. He doesn’t like leaving people out.”

“But he knows why Sasuke was held back. He isn’t allowed to leave Fire Country!” Sakura was feeling frustrated. Naruto really was too stubborn sometimes. Why couldn’t he just take some things quietly?

She realized she was gripping Gaara’s ankle too tightly and quickly relaxed her grip. He made no sign of noticing. She tried to relax.

“If you ask me, he’s trying TOO hard to include Sasuke in everything. He always takes Sasuke’s side. No matter what we tell him.” She wondered if she sounded as resigned as she felt. “I just wish… he’d listen to his friends more.”

“He’s listening.”

Sakura glanced up at Gaara, a question quickly forming on her lips. His eyes were directed at her hands on his ankle, but she had the feeling his thoughts were elsewhere.

“You seem angry at Naruto for taking Sasuke’s side, but as a team, why must there be two sides? Naruto was never one to accept rules that excluded others. He spent too much of his life being the one that was excluded.”

Sakura felt a prickle of shame. She had been quick to assume that Naruto’s motives were purely personal. She had forgotten the obvious.

“Naruto is quieter than usual. Something is troubling him.” That got her attention. She listened carefully, mind racing over the past month attempting to pick out signs or indications that something was off. Naruto was seldom one who masked his hurt. As a kid he would cry openly before he used his hurt to fuel his determination. She was unaccustomed to looking for masked emotions.

She transferred the last bit of chakra, felt along the ankle gently to check for swelling and asked Gaara to rotate his ankle again.

“Looks like you’re finished. Can you try standing?”

She moved aside to allow him space to move. He stood carefully, slowly putting weight back onto his ankle. He pushed himself up slowly onto his toes, then back down. Gaara nodded to signify everything was okay.

“Thank you. I’m in your debt.” He extended his hand to clasp hers.

“I have a feeling I should be saying that,” she smiled sheepishly. “You’re right about Naruto. I think I need to step back and remember who we’re dealing with. If we’re going to convince that Mizukage, we’re gonna have to ALL get along.”

Gaara didn’t say anything and smiled. He walked to the bedroom door and opened it for her.

“Be careful getting back. My brother may be lurking.” The corners of his mouth curled up slightly as though he found this possibility amusing.

Sakura chuckled and walked out the door. She looked over her shoulder to say one last good night but only managed a clumsy “oomph” as she collided into something in front of her.

“Naruto?” She looked up at the shadowy figure in front of her, noting the glint of blond hair in the warm light spilling from Gaara’s bedroom. He stared at her in surprise, eyes darting from her to the Kazekage standing in the doorway.

She couldn’t interpret the look in his eyes, but noted that he didn’t look happy. She glanced back at Gaara, suddenly realizing how this all must look.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” he said rather cynically. She noted his fists balled up at his side and knew that he was angry. He turned to leave, but was stopped when a hand caught his wrist. Sakura stepped back to get out of the Kazekage’s way.

Wait?” Gaara hung onto that wrist like a small child. His form looked so slight against Naruto’s bulk. Naruto didn’t try to move away or break free and Sakura suddenly felt uncomfortable, like she was witnessing something private- something intimate she shouldn’t have been a part of. She tried to interpret their faces, but they were not facing her. Her ninja training prompted her to read their body signs automatically- the slumping of Naruto’s shoulders or his hands relaxing; the way his body turned towards Gaara while the Kazekage held his breath.

Naruto turned to look at Gaara and Sakura noted the pained look in his expression. Her breath caught. It had been a long time since she had seen that face. She felt guilty for missing it before and wondered how long Naruto had been so dispirited.

“You seem troubled.” Gaara smiled at him sympathetically. “Won’t you tell me about it?” His hand slid to Naruto’s palm, taking the larger hand into his own. “Friends talk to each other when they’re troubled,” blue eyes met green. “Weren’t you the one that taught me that?” Gaara smiled and Sakura backed up another step. It had been a long time since she had seen that expression either: the smile that only Naruto could provoke. One look at Naruto and she knew that Naruto had seen it too. Her teammate nodded, squeezing the Kazekage’s hand and started to follow him back to the bedroom.

Sakura quickly retreated down the opposite corridor, hoping Gaara would forget that she was there. She felt confused, unable to interpret what she had just seen or what it meant.

Her thoughts halted when she bumped into another body and large hands grabbed her shoulders.

“Woah woah, pretty lady, do you always attack men in the dark like that or am I just lucky?” Sakura looked up to find a familiar handsome face sans the face paint. She swatted his arm lightly.

“What are you doing here?”

He rubbed his arm and grimaced in mock pain. “Making sure I shouldn’t be jealous of my little brother,” he winked. “If I knew you made personal calls, I would have requested you your first night here.”

He was definitely laying it on thick.

“Oh? I don’t think I know any remedies for a big head. I’m afraid you’re doomed.”

“Yeah? You think so doc? How about we try out a new remedy? One I invented myself.” That easy grin slid onto his face, made slightly more lecherous in the limited light.

“Oh?” she smiled coyly, deciding to play along.

“Yeah. I like to call it sexual healing. What do ya think?” He smirked.

“I think if we tried it, you’d have more to heal than just your ego.” She grinned. “Good night Kankuro.” She walked down the hall, waving behind her. She threw a little more sway into her walk, knowing he’d be watching her the entire way.

This was turning into some mission.