Broke Straight Guys

Broke Straight Guys

Hey there. I really liked this scenario when I came up with it, but I couldn't figure out how to put it into the rest of the story without it being awkward. Also, I didn't feel like writing an entire 20-something page 'real' chapter. So I decided to do this little side story. There'll probably be more in the future.

Dedications: Celtic for guessing what KBee's roommate does and sukenarufan09 for catching a very stupid mistake I made last chapter.

Guesses for KBee's roommate are still happily accepted. Here's another hint: It's not Shino.

0o0

Side Story: Dirty Laundry

0o0

The door had barely finished closing when he sprung into action. Locking the aforementioned door was first in his line of business. Ransacking his backpack rewarded him with the DVD he'd purchased from the bargain bin at Medusa's and he eagerly fed the tray of the player, swapping the TV input so that he could supply himself with the doctor-recommended amount of Vitamin S. With great finesse, he proceeded to strip down to his barest form, leaving his briefs on. For some reason he liked to be wearing underwear when he began, though he wasn't entirely sure why. He snagged the remote, selected play and the movie started up.

The plot—plot? what plot?—was simple. A hot girl ordered a pizza. She got a hunky delivery guy who had a huge dong as an added bonus. Cliché, hell yeah. But it was pornography, for crying out loud. The video's title was Extra Large Sausage. Who really cared? Surely not him.

Seating himself on the couch as comfortably as he could manage, he pulled out his crank and began to work it, smoothing over the awakening flesh with unscented lotion he had set aside for this moment. The pizza boy was strutting about like he was the cock of the rock, while the girl—Puerto Rican, perhaps—unleashed her massive modified mammories for his viewing delight. Naruto felt himself wilt a bit as the silicon implants remained impressively immobile as she straddled the man to give him a proper lap dance. What was up with porn girls and boob jobs? Mother Nature's gifts weren't enough for them? His annoyance was forgotten quickly because she had a bodacious behind and he zeroed in on that instead, shedding his underwear totally.

The guy took her to the bedroom and she laid on her back, showing off the warm patch between her legs, wet and ready to be plowed into like a field that needed tilling. Naruto began stroking faster, his cock positively lit up with sensation. There was nothing like porn on a slow day to remedy boredom.

The pizza guy put it in her.

The door opened.

"Turns out I—what the fuck are you doing!"

One of Naruto's hands scrambled to find the remote to stop the movie while the other picked a dirty sock up off the floor to cover his boner with. The remote seemed so far away. He couldn't make the noises, that moaning and groaning, stop. "You said you had class!"

"My teacher got clipped by a bus and no subs could be called in! Why are you jacking off on my couch?" God, what if he had done this before? Who knew what tricks Naruto got up to when he wasn't home? Sasuke knew he could never look at his couch the same way again.

"Our couch, asshole."

"Does it matter? What, your new girlfriend didn't let you get off the last time she was over?" She should have, given all the damn noise they made whenever they got together. It was nearly impossible to sleep at night when they were going at it like wild animals.

"Shut up, Sasuke. Go find something to do for twenty minutes and let me finish off."

"Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. This is my TV. I paid for it. I'll do whatever the hell I want with it." Sasuke dropped his backpack where he stood and tossed his jacket on top of it. The Puerto Rican was giving it her all, making Jenna Jameson sound like a hungry kitten in comparison. "Move your shit out of the way."

"Why?"

Sasuke gestured to the bulge in his jeans. Stupid horny blonde with his stupid bargain bin porn… "Move your shit."

Naruto pushed his clothes off the couch and Sasuke took their place. The brunette made quick work of his pants and boxers, letting his balls catch a breeze. Out of a nest of dark, springy curls jutted forth a lengthy piece of meat, the head glistening silvery-white with eager precum. He hadn't gotten off in ages. His last piece of internet porn work seemed like an eon ago and he didn't have a girlfriend to relieve himself with regularly. With his fingertip he smeared the precum across his head, massaging the sensitive spot beneath it to send a pleasured shiver run down his spine. Ah, fuck! It really had been too long. He propped one leg up on the arm rest and pressed hard on the spot he'd been fingering to make his diaphragm tighten involuntarily, jackknifing a short breath as his semi-hard dick began to awaken fully.

Naruto, of course, had to ruin the moment. "Jesus! You're not cut!"

"What are you looking at my dick for, queer?" Sasuke growled, narrowing his thundering eyes at his roommate.

"It's like an anteater or something! That's freaking weird!"

Sasuke scoffed. How ignorant. "Says you. You have no idea how awesome it is."

To prove his point, he pulled the skin taut over his prick and then relaxed his grip, letting it slip down slightly to enhance the sweet friction between the two. Repetition made his delight multiply. His eyes were glued to the screen, the extra skin rising and falling as he took in the Hispanic beauty, hips rolling languidly with the casual strokes. He was going to cum so hard… He just knew it. Going this many weeks without an orgasm meant for a lot of pent-up energy. The volcano had been dormant and it was going to erupt today whether that idiot agreed with it or not. It was his fault for bringing his porn out in the first place.

"Dude, this is practically a circle jerk. We haven't done that since we were like what, fourteen?"

Sasuke, irritated that the moron was distracting him from his bliss, said, "Shut up, moron. Just shut up."

Naruto figured that if he couldn't beat Sasuke and make him get out of the apartment so that he could enjoy the rest of the movie in peace, there was no shame in joining him. "Hey bastard, whoever gets off first gets the TV for the rest of the day. You in?"

"Just don't cry when you lose."

Naruto began stroking his cock once more, making up for lost time with lightning fast strokes to bring him closer to complete sensory overload. He imagined it was Tenten's touch on his heated flesh, handling him with the skill she handled her weapons with, her tongue flickering at the tip coyly. He grunted, thinking of all the dirty things he could say to her that he couldn't role-play now with Sasuke beside him. In his other hand he clenched the sock, soft in his palm and at the ready. Flushed red with blood, his manhood throbbed hotly in his grip. It wouldn't be much longer.

Sasuke was just as close. His attention was long gone from the video, purely resting in sensation now: each little breeze on his massively sensitive skin bringing him that much closer to the moment, his nipples hard under his shirt, his cock hurrying him onward, compelling him to increase the speed of his strokes to drive him over the edge. He fondled his swollen, aching sack, heavy with unused sperm waiting to escape, wanting to empty it now now now but unable to.

The air was thick with their combined musk, keying into their primal bases and propelling them further still. The liquid arousal that had been pooling in their bellies wound tighter and tighter, their cocks drooling out precum at a furious rate. They teetered on the edge, balls drawing closer to their bodies in anticipation. Naruto felt his glans flare, roaring like a wounded tiger, hand shifting the sock upward to soak up his jizz. Shuddering silently, Sasuke relished the small pulse in his dick, toes curling to dig into the couch as he pinched his foreskin tightly shut over his piss slit, filling the skin with cum. The aftershocks rendered them useless for a few breathless seconds, nerves firing off in delight sporadically.

"I win, bastard!" Naruto crowed in triumph, thoroughly wiping his dick off with the sock. Wasn't quite as gentle as a tissue, but it was good enough.

"No way." Sasuke paused to catch a fresh breath. The one that he'd held throughout his orgasm had gone stale. "I won."

"That's crap and you know it."

"All I know is that you lost." Sasuke looked over at his roommate, eyeing the thing he was holding with a mix of what could be considered disdain and slight nausea. "…Is that my sock?"

"What? No!" Naruto flipped the sock over, checking the toe. In black Sharpie, an 'S' was scribbled. S for Sasuke. Oh.

The look of dawning fear on Naruto's face confirmed his worst nightmare. "You sick fuck! You jizzed in my sock!"

Sasuke tackled Naruto, sending both of them flying off the couch onto the hard floor. He tried to pin the built blonde and retrieve his soiled sock, meeting resistance at every attempt. They flailed and grappled noisily across the ground long enough for their downstairs neighbor to get tired of it and crank up some Children of Bodom to drown them out. All was fine and well until Naruto felt something warm and liquid working its way down his thigh. He looked at the slight rift between them and immediately began to struggle more fiercely.

"Dude! Get off! Your dick is dripping on me!"

"Give me my sock, jackass!"

Sasuke stretched himself further over the blonde, one hand planted firmly on his shoulder, the other clawing for the sock that Naruto was playing keep-away with. Realizing that this would get nowhere until one of them surrendered to the other, Naruto flung his free arm up and snared Sasuke in a chokehold, tightening slowly and deliberately like a python. Oxygen depleting, the brunette began to jerk himself backward, trying to escape the hold with little success. Blood flow now deprived of what kept him going, his attacking arm went slack and blackness began to haze in the corners of his vision. Finally he collapsed and Naruto released him. Both of their faces were flushed and they were breathing heavy.

In their odd couple, Naruto had the physical advantage most of the time. Sasuke tended to be more conniving and underhanded in his tactics. Frankly, the guy could hold a grudge like hell. Once Naruto had called his brother an elitist dick and Sasuke patiently waited until three weeks after the blonde had said it and then forgotten that he had, then snuck into Naruto's bedroom while he was sleeping and put a mouse in his underwear. The sounds of the blonde screaming like a little girl made his coffee taste that much sweeter that day.

"Jesus, Sasuke…" Naruto panted. "It's just a sock."

"It's my sock. Go fuck up one of your own socks."

Another sweaty, awkward moment passed.

"Get up, bastard. I need to wash your stupid cum off me."

"Don't be such a whiny bitch. Give it to me."

There was a loud, harsh clatter. They looked toward their door, where they discovered a very shell-shocked Gaara standing in the frame. Green eyes tried to take in the situation rationally, but didn't know what to think of this unexpected scenario. Sasuke and Naruto stared back at him, mostly naked and absolutely bewildered. A plastic bag from a liquor shop down the street with a twelve pack of cheap beer now lay on the ground at Gaara's feet where he had dropped it. They all stared at each other for a good minute.

Gaara's face exploded a crimson red deeper than his hair as he added things up. Two hot sweaty guys plus an extremely compromising position multiplied by a fair amount of cum equaled… Well, let's just say his pants were starting to be a bit on the tight side. All of his education went flying out of his head promptly. "Uh… U-um… This is kinda… Um… I mean, um… I, uh…"

"It's not what it looks like!" Naruto quickly wriggled out from underneath Sasuke and got up to approach Gaara. "Honestly, I—"

Gaara couldn't hear a single thing that the blonde was saying. His mind was blank except for: 'Naked Naruto. Naked Naruto. Naked cum-covered Naruto and he's coming towards me, oh god!' Then, as Naruto became close enough to touch him, his thoughts jammed up completely. He could only hear his own shallow breathing. What would Tenten think if she heard about this? 'Oh, went to your boyfriend's place today, I think he had sex with that cute roommate of his, is that alright with you?' 'Sure Gar, that's fine.' Not going to happen. She'd probably kill Naruto, Sasuke, and him all in one go. This would have to be their dirty little secret.

Naruto reached out, intending to make him understand.

"I won't say anything to Tenten, I swear! Sorry!"

And with that, he tore off down the hallway as if his life depended on it.

"…Did you lock the door when you came in, Sasuke?"

"No." Sasuke immediately went for the TV and turned off the porn, which was rolling credits.

Naruto picked up the beer that Gaara dropped and brought it inside. "Well, at least we get free beer out of it."

Sasuke scoffed and turned his nose up at it. "That stuff is like horse piss."

"Beer is beer, Sasuke." Naruto ripped open one side of the case and got out a can. It opened with a satisfying hiss. He gulped down half of it in a single go. "Man, that hits the spot!"

"You have no sense of taste."

Naruto tossed him a can. "Shut up and drink. Be grateful that Gaara thought of you."

"I'm sure he was thinking of me a lot right then. Did you see his hard-on?"

"Stop making shit up, you ego-freak. Gaara did not have a boner. You're helping me explain this later."

"Like hell." Sasuke took a sip and made a face at the drink. Definitely not his thing.

Naruto finished his beer and gave a gratifying belch. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Don't use up all the hot water this time."

"Up yours." He poured the rest of his beer into the sink and tossed the can into the trash. "I'm going to make myself a real drink."

"Don't drink all my Jack." Naruto glared at him.

Sasuke shot him the bird and mixed a Jack & Coke.

"I hate you so much."

"The feeling is mutual."

Naruto ducked into the bathroom, only to come back out a couple of seconds later and say, "Want to play basketball later?"

"No. Soccer?"

"Fine. Hey, remember the time we played when we were totally smashed and you kept tripping over the ball?"

"You only remind me every week."

"C'mon, it was funny!"

"It was a year ago."

"No time limit on humor."

"Then how about the time I took you to church in seventh grade? Remember that? You threw up on the priest when he offered you the crackers and wine so he thought you were possessed and he made a big scene trying to exorcise a demon from you and we all called you Satan for the rest of the year?"

"Oh come on, that was ages ago!"

"Begone, Satan!"

Naruto retreated into bathroom, grumbling angrily about how no one respected him. Sasuke smirked and drank his Jack & Coke. Some things never changed. Their relationship might be dysfunctional as anything could possibly be, but for them, it worked.

0o0

Ahh… I'm not sure what the point of this was. Perhaps to tease all my lovely readers? Get some of you back on board because you're missing the Gaara x Naruto? To entice with a smidgen of Naruto x Sasuke while we're at it? Yeah, both of those sound about right.

Side note: Just had my 5th fanfiction anniversary. I don't know whether I should be cheering or crying at the fact that I've been doing this for five years now.

Until next time…

~YamiTenshi~