Muse

6

xxxxx

Oh…Sasuke…Neji-niisan…

Hinata felt awful for asking now, she felt so insensitive even though she couldn’t have possibly known because none of her friends seem to tell her anything.

“N-Naruto-kun.” Hinata walked over and gently pushed at him “W-why didn’t anyone t-tell me about Neji-niisan and Sasuke’s…” she looked down and sighed “You guys never tell me anything.” She sounded a mixture of pouty and sad, the latter she definitely felt. Yes, she was the ‘innocent’ and they protected her; but they also didn’t tell her anything because of it, she was always the last to know everything. It wasn’t a matter of trust, everyone knew she could be trusted. It was truly frustrating

Both blondes sat up and Naruto gave her a sympathetic look “Sorry, Hinata-chan. That whole thing between Sasuke and Neji is just…” he shook his head “There’s just a lot of shit going on, you’re better off not getting involved in the drama.”

“Even I’m not trying to get involved by asking Naruto a lot of questions.” Ino came in, supporting her boyfriend “Oh, I know what’s going on but it’s…it’s a really delicate situation.”

“Still…” Hinata was still Neji’s cousin and she truly did view him as more of a brother than anything else. Lately her cousin has become a social recluse; had she known what was going on she would have tried to go and be supportive. Instead he had been forced to face everything with no support or help from anyone.

An arm moved around her, pulling her back against a strong chest. She looked up at her boyfriend, giving him a small smile at his efforts to comfort her.
“I do not think he was offended or hurt,” he tells her, his gaze gentle “but at the same time it also seems like something he does not want many to become involved in. That is probably why they didn’t tell you.”

She gives him a small nod, his words seeming to cheer her up and makes a mental note to go visit Neji when she can. Straightening up, he spots a small loveseat and when he moves to tell her there is a loud slamming sound from the back. The source being one irritated brunette.

Sasuke bursts through the screen door like a man on a mission, a very visible scowl on his face as he puts his cell phone back into his pocket. The current room occupants watch idly as he storms to the front door and opens it to reveal his brother and a woman with really bright red hair and eyes.
“Are you out of your fucking mind?” it seemed that he was talking to both of them “You do remember that Sakura and –“ he jerked a thumb at the redhead “this chick do not get along right?”

His brother stood there, his expression blank while the woman looks slightly irritated. Then he sighs “Little brother, do you honestly believe I would do something to disrupt the good order and cheer of this night by doing something outlandish? I spoke to Sakura, she was fine with Karin coming.”

“We both agreed that we wouldn’t say anything to each other. I’m just here to be around Itachi-kun.” With that she looks up at him with a soft smile although his gaze remains focused on his brother.

Shooting them both a glare he shrugs “Whatever.” Instead of going back to the back yard he instead goes over and flops back on the couch at his previous spot. The new comers walk inside and as Itachi motions for her to sit in on a sofa chair Gaara frowns at the man. Recognition flickers in those green depths as he takes in the older Uchiha.

“I know your face.” he frowns slightly, as if trying to remember when specifically he had met the man. He is completely oblivious to the uncomfortable shifting from the trio on the couch and Itachi’s face has shifted to a blank mask. It comes back to him “You were the one who broke up with their girlfriend to date Sasori right? About a year ago.” Gaara only remembered because the man had tried hitting on him, something about having a thing for redheads. Apparently it was still true because the woman he brought definitely had red hair, it was even brighter than his.

It was then that he noticed the tension in the room, specifically from his girlfriend. She had stiffened and her bangs were currently hiding her eyes.
Everyone on the couch was holding grim expressions and the topic of the conversation’s face remained a blank mask as he regarded the redhead. If he was angry about the fact that he had made the statement it was not visible. Confusion filled him, what was going on? Had he said something wrong? Perhaps he had been mistaken about the man’s identity?

“Um…” Hinata’s voice was low, catching Gaara’s attention. He frowned in slight concern; Hinata was definitely upset about something “Excuse me.” She said and to his surprise she abruptly turned and began to walk off. Even more confused, he watches as his cousin’s ex boyfriend frowns slightly before turning to follow, his steps unhurried despite the severity of the situation.

What…what just happened? He almost went to follow her but had a feeling that whatever it was it was between the two of them. When he turned to the others in confusion Naruto sighed.

The blonde began to shake his head “Dude, that girlfriend he broke up with? That was Hinata.”

He stiffened, frowning. Surely he had heard that wrong because that statement made absolutely no sense to him. “So then, he broke up with her because he realized that he was gay?” that was the only conclusion Gaara could come up with in his head, nothing else made sense. He didn’t really care about the fact that the two of them used to date, he trusted Hinata and she wasn’t the type of person to do anything dishonest or shady.

Karin, a third party to the group and not in the mood to hear about her date’s ex-girlfriends quickly gets up and walks off to go wander around, irritated. The three on the couch, however, looked at each other and started grinning, as if they were in on some joke he wasn’t privy to. Gaara was lost, first they were all serious and now they were smiling? What strange friends Hinata had.

“My brother isn’t gay.” Sasuke told him, obviously trying not to laugh “He definitely swings both ways.”

W…what? This did not compute and obviously the blank look on his face seemed to reflect this because they looked even more amused.
The redhead frowned. There was no way this was what he was hearing it as “Let me…let me see if I understand this correctly,” he sounded a mixture of stunned and disbelieving “while I am not complaining because if he hadn’t I would not be with her…you are actually saying that he broke up with Hinata for my cousin?” he didn’t even understand how that was possible “Why?” Was the man blind?

There was a small pause before the entire group burst out laughing. Of course this only confused Gaara more because he was dead serious. It wasn’t that his cousin was ugly or anything but…really? Maybe he didn’t understand it because he was straight and he was related to the man but there was no way Sasori was more attractive or appealing as a person in comparison to his girlfriend.

“Dude, we’ve been asking him that for an entire year,” Naruto came in, his arm around Ino who looked as if she were going to die at any moment from laughter. “Like, the two of them dated for two years and then just like that he dropped her for your cousin.”

“Itachi has this thing for redheads,” Sasuke explained, still grinning “I bet he hit on you at least once when you first met. He’s weird like that.”

Gaara didn’t exactly see how that made a difference “Yes, he did but that is not the point.” He turned his head in the direction the two had walked and then turned back to the group “Are you sure he’s not just gay?” this earned him another howl of laughter from the group but he was quite serious. There was no way in the world he would have dropped a girl like Hinata for someone like…Sasori. It was like trading in a Lexus for a station wagon, who would do that?

“Oh, shit,” Naruto was holding his stomach once they had all calmed down a bit “Dude, you are totally now in our circle. We won’t even put you through initiation, this is just too classic. You’re definitely awesome enough to join the club.” He continued to chuckle.

“He’s been kicking himself in the ass about it ever since,” Sasuke explained “I mean, he was only with Sasori for two months –“

“Well, he was lucky then.” Gaara cut in, crossing his arms “Sasori doesn’t believe in long standing relationships. I think the longest relationship my cousin had was six months. He prefers flings and being unattached.”

“Seriously?” the trio looked at each other. Apparently, this was news to them.

“Don’t read too much into it,” Sasuke told the other two after a moment’s thought “Itachi wasn’t the same person back then that he is now. He had a completely different mindset. It might not have even mattered whether or not the relationship lasted to him.”

Gaara really could not believe what he was hearing. “I…I think I actually feel offended for Hinata.” He shook his head “I mean, one would have to be an absolute idiot to break up with Hinata for my cousin, either that or blind.”

“Trust me, he knows it now.” Ino giggled at him “We never let him live it down either. Itachi claims temporary insanity for that situation. No one ever told Hinata the real reason because we all knew it would hurt her too much.”

“If you really want to know why he did it,” Sasuke leaned back “it’s because he didn’t really take the relationship seriously until after he broke up with her. He liked Hinata, she’s someone you can seriously see yourself spending years with, but he wasn’t thinking that way. When he broke up with her, when she actually wasn’t around him any longer, that’s when he realized that he had made a mistake. It’s really his own fault, he should have realized that Hinata wasn’t like the other hundreds of girlfriends and boyfriends he’d had in the past. Trust me; he’s a lot different from a year ago because of that colossal fuck up.”

It still didn’t make sense to him but he decided to let it go, walking over to the loveseat and sitting down. Itachi was not an unattractive man and Hinata was beautiful. Not only that, she was loyal, if he hadn’t broken up with her they would probably still be together. “I am…really glad he did.” He said sincerely and it sounded messed up but that was his honest feelings on it. “I assure you, I will not make the same mistake.” He turned his head back towards the path she had left “There is not a person in the world that could make me give her up. Not one.”

xxxxx

“Hinata.” There was a small sigh from the older Uchiha as he walked outside. Hinata was sitting on a small bench that was there mostly for cosmetic reasons, her back facing him.

“I’m…I’m not really angry,” her voice comes in soft “mostly confused. Does that mean that when you said that you loved me that it was a lie?” she inclined her head towards him, a small frown on her face. Besides looking a little hurt she seemed fine to his relief.

“At the time, yes.” He said honestly, walking around to sit down on the bench beside her “When my brother introduced me to you I was of the mindset similar to that of most single men my age when it came to relationships. Even though we had been together for a long time that mindset never left, I simply didn’t have a reason to think about it. When I broke up with you I had seriously underestimated what I had actually felt for you at the time. I saw it as another relationship that had been fun but was time to move on from. It’s a bachelor mindset and yes, it does indeed make me sound like a bastard. Unfortunately, that is simply the way men tend to be when they are young and full of themselves and I was no exception. In any case, I knew exactly what I was getting into when I went after Sasori, I had merely assumed that I would just go back to casual dating, you and I would be friends and that would be that. A few weeks of you being absent from my life I began to realize that perhaps I had truly meant it then when I told you I loved you.”

She let out a shaky breath “S-so then…but I didn’t know so you could have…”

“I could have pursued you again?” she nodded “Hinata, it is rare when I make a foolish decision but once I do, I accept it and do not allow the situation to become more complicated. Eventually, you would have found out the real reason and had we been together it would have seriously damaged not only our relationship but our friendship. I made a conscious decision to leave you, going back just because I had realized I had made a mistake was not a good enough reason. I made the decision, it had not been a good one and I must live with that.” He leaned back a bit “It is also something I am not particularly proud of as I had acted amazingly selfish and hurt you in the process. Needless to say, it forced me to ‘grow up’, so to speak. I no longer have the mindset I did a year ago.”

She really wasn’t angry, to which he was relieved. Then again, Hinata was a kind and forgiving person and she’d had an entire year to get over it. In addition, she had moved on and it was quite obvious to him that she held strong feelings for the redhead.

Leaning back, she looked up at the afternoon sky, a thoughtful frown on her face. She spoke after a thoughtful pause “I…I’m glad we didn’t get back together.”

He couldn’t even help the smirk that emerged and he briefly closed his eyes. He found it rather funny that he feels the same way despite the fact that he does still love her. “Yes, you are in love with Sabaku-san after all.”

Pale eyes snapped to him in surprise and he tilts his head slightly in her direction “You…how…” her face was a bright red and she looked away, as if she had been caught doing something naughty.

And she wonders why we call her an innocent all the time.

The smirk shifted to a smile “Because, you look at him the same way you used to look at me.” There was an emotion that flashed briefly through his dark gaze and left the same way. “In any case, it would appear that he returns your feelings, in addition, he is much more loyal and genuine than I had ever been at his age. Certainly more worthy of you than I.” It was very obvious the redhead was madly in love with Hinata as well as completely loyal. In the end, that was what she truly needed in her life.

She returned his smile “Um, I’m not angry but…I do think you were an insensitive jerk.”

Itachi chuckled “That is perhaps the nicest insult I’ve received ever since I left you. I assure you, even though you didn’t know, everyone else did and had been giving me hell about it for the past year. Your feelings have been avenged, especially by my brother.” He sighed “Of course, he wouldn’t be my brother if he didn’t press all of the right buttons to annoy me, I doubt all of it is a sense of duty to you.”

Standing, she giggled, shaking her head. Had Hinata been any other girl the conversation would have been explosive. That was one of the things everyone liked about her, she didn’t believe in making scenes or holding grudges. Standing, he motioned for her to go ahead of him as they walked back inside.

“Oh…um Itachi?” she turned to him just before they entered the house “You’re not allowed to flirt with my boyfriend...um, since you like redheads and all…”

“Mm. How disappointing, he had seemed so…”

“Uncomfortable?” she offered.

“Ah. That was the word I was looking for. When I first met him I did indeed flirt and well…then I started doing it because the reactions amused me and not out of any sense of attraction.”

Opening the door she gave her friend a funny look “Um, you’re…kind of a sadist.”

“It is a requirement to being an Uchiha, Hinata. We are taught the ins and outs prior to grade school so that we can torment and make everyone else feel inferior.”

Pale lavender eyes blinked up at him due to the serious tone he had used. “Really?”

“Hm, probably during my father’s time, yes. Be glad you have never known our grandfather – may his soul forever burn in hell – I am almost positive he is the reason our father is the outstanding citizen he is today.”

“I thought you two hated your father.”

“Exactly.”

xxxxx

Hyuuga Hizashi had purchased a rather beautiful home one year back and invited Hanabi and Hinata to come over whenever they wished. Everyone knew he did it to irritate his twin brother but the two Hyuuga sisters do not visit for their uncle, they visit for their cousin and to merely enjoy themselves for a day or so.

Hinata is here because she is worried about Neji, he has all but become a social recluse. Of course, he had already been rather stressed because of his father but upon the revelation she had received the other night, he was probably devastated. At the moment, the only two people he had were her and Hanabi and her sister was too young to fully understand the situation. If nothing else, she could at least try and get him to talk, to get it off his chest. There was a reason she called him ‘brother’ and even if Sasuke became upset or assumed that she was trying to meddle she didn’t care. Neither Neji nor Sasuke were the bad guys here, but Sasuke had support, Neji did not.

The house is a mixture of western style with traditional and she finds herself slightly lost and disoriented at first before she begins to explore around. In reality, Hizashi probably couldn’t truly afford this home but he was desperate to have his old life back.

When she finally finds him she is stunned. He has lost a tremendous amount of weight, his skin was very pale and he had dark circles around his eyes. Still, he did not slouch or walk around like the living dead but he did seem as tired as he looked.

“Neji-niisan?” she takes a few steps forward when his pale silver eyes glance in her directly briefly before turning the corner to walk down the hall she was in.

“Good morning, Hinata.” It is said softly with no real hint of emotion, standard for him. When she realizes that he’s not going to say anymore as he continues walking she takes a small breath.

“Neji-niisan,” she tried again “I um, I know about your situation with…you know who.”

He stopped walking but did not turn to her. “They finally told you?” he did not sound surprised.

“I want to be here for you.” The sentence held a hidden meaning. The two of them held a rather close relationship and if one ever needed to speak with the other or need help they were there for each other. They had to be, the Hyuuga family was not known to be sympathetic to their descendants’ personal life and feelings.

There is a long moment of silence before he speaks again “Come to my room.”

No words are exchanged as they walk, nor when he opens the door to let her in. His room is very simple, a bed, a dresser and a desk with a laptop on top. There are no posters or anything else to signify that someone actively lives in the room.

Her cousin sits down on his bed and she stands in front of him at a respectable distance. There was silence for a long moment before he leaned forward, putting his hands into his hair, elbows propped up on his legs.

“It has been six years,” he begins “yet I still do not know what I should do. What is more important to me, pleasing my family or being personally happy? Before my mother died she had me promise to work hard and help our family prosper, I do not wish to break my mother’s last dying wish, however…” he sighed and shook his head.

“I am unable to sleep,” he continues “I cannot remember the last time I have had an actual meal. Between school, my father, and now…this…I cannot do it any longer, Hinata. Something has to give, I can only do so much, regardless of what our family believes a genius should be able to do or handle. My father wants me to abandon the degree he forced me to pursue after I have spent the last four years working to obtain it. So yes, this summer I will have a bachelor’s in Business and Mathematics but he wanted me to pursue my MBA and I have already gone this far, it seems asinine not to finish what I was forced to start.”

Inwardly, Hinata sighed. It hadn’t always been this way with her family; when the corporation went under and their fathers had their falling out was when things began to become harder, especially for her cousin. All of a sudden her uncle was forcing himself to start over from scratch and anything he couldn’t handle on his own he had dumped on his son, including family obligations, not just business. For the most part her cousin’s life has been decided for him and for years he complied without complaint. They knew that he was unfailingly loyal and so they took advantage, even Hanabi could see it. He has felt as if he was the backbone of the family, or rather, they have made him feel that way.

“What…what did you originally wish to do in college, Neji-niisan?”

When he raised his head to look at her she realized that was probably the first time anyone in his family had ever asked him that question. With a self-depreciating smile his head lowered.

“Chemical Engineering.” He said “My minor in Mathematics has probably been the only thing I have actually decided on my own concerning my career. If you want the truth, I hold no love for the business field. It is not challenging to me, there is very little science, if any, involved. I also did not wish to become strictly a scientist although I hold a strong love for the subject. Being a chemical engineer is the middle ground for me and it is the occupation I truly desire. Unfortunately, we do not always get what we wish and I was, for a while, fine with doing whatever the family wished of me.

“So, if I continue to do as my family wishes I will have to abandon my schooling and, for the most part, run the company where my father cannot. In addition, I will lose the only person who truly matters to me…or rather, I already have.”

She took a step forward “Neji…”

“I don’t enjoy hiding who I am as a person.” He cut in, sitting up “I hated having to do that, I hated the fact that in public I couldn’t even truly look, much less touch, the only person I have actually held romantic feelings for. Why should I have to do that in order to continue to exist in my family? Why do I absolutely have to choose one or the other simply because that person is not a female?

“So if I choose my family I will eventually end up running a corporation but at the cost of being alone. Abandoning school, fine, I can live with that although I wouldn’t like it.” He dips his head down again “Hinata, is it worth it? Is running the corporation to make my family happy really worth losing him? I ask myself this constantly because now that he is not in my life I am absolutely miserable and I am truly at a loss. I can’t even blame him because in reality I was the one who broke my promise, I was the one who betrayed him in the end.”

Confusion filled her; what was he talking about? What promise? “I…I don’t…”

With a sigh he once again sat up, his expression blank for a moment as he regarded his cousin. After a while he motioned for her to sit but instead of sitting on the bed she sat down in front of him.

“It would probably be best if I started from the beginning otherwise it would probably not make as much sense. Understand, not even everyone in our group knows how everything truly went concerning when we had started our relationship. I know I can trust you completely, so what I am going to tell you cannot leave this room.” He closed his eyes briefly and sighed once more “I first realized that I truly was not attracted to the opposite sex my last year of middle school. It had not been something I had truly stressed over at the time, it had been easy to say that it would simply take me a little longer than other males. It became a problem when I realized that while I was not attracted to women I was, in fact, attracted to men. Learning this in middle school had been extremely distressing for me. Mother had died only a year prior and having those feelings meant that I would be disowned should it be discovered. In addition, I felt rather disgusted and ashamed of myself; you and I both know how our family raised us to be concerning same sex relationships. While it is okay to know someone like that and be friends with them, as a person you having those feelings makes you –“

“Wrong.” She finished “Immoral…sick and twisted I believe father would put it.”

“Yes, that is correct. So I had felt at the time that there had been something wrong with me as a person. I spent the rest of that year pretending that those feelings didn’t exist. They did not exist, they could not exist and I would not allow them to exist. There was nothing wrong with me, I simply hadn’t reached a stage where I wanted to pursue women. That was what I had eventually told myself at the time.

“By the time I was a freshman in high school I had pretty much fully immersed myself in denial. As a matter of fact, to prove to myself that I was not some sort of sick, depraved human being I dated Tenten for a while. We were childhood friends, we both practiced martial arts and we had quite a bit of things in common with each other. We dated half of that year until she broke up with me because, ironically, she was attracted to the same sex. It would seem that the two of us had held the same intentions for starting the relationship; we had something to prove to ourselves. I am sure you remember that shortly thereafter she and I had a falling out. In reality we had stopped being friends because of my own foolishness.”

“I do remember that,” his cousin frowned “I remember that you really didn’t want to talk to anyone about it, so everyone assumed it was because you two had broken up. A-and…the whole school finding out about Tenten-chan…”

He gave her a humorless smile “We had that falling out because Tenten, being the close friend that she is, had picked up on my ‘deep dark secret’ and had encouraged me to accept it instead of trying to live in denial. I had not been very appreciative of her efforts at the time and lashed out at her. Since she knew exactly what I was going through she pretty much said that she’d be there when I was ready to face everything.” A scowl “As for that scandal; we learned later that someone had been listening in on our conversation and told the entire school via text messages about the reason why she broke it off with me. While I had stopped being around her as much I had made it a point to be there if she did truly need me.

“So I continued to live in denial because admitting to the truth meant that I was betraying my family. That was how I had felt at the time in any case. I kept everyone at a distance and made it a point not to go out or interact with anyone outside of school. Then, beginning of my sophomore year, your freshman year, all of that came crashing down around me and it had been a very hellish year because of it. That year, Morino Idate had dragged his friend Uchiha Sasuke into the school’s dojo because he hadn’t wanted to go alone. There is where I met him and there is where everything changed.”