Break to Breathe

 

BREAK TO BREATHE

by Okami Rayne

Chapter Six

[Dedicated to BrevityOfWit]

I'm not drunk enough for this.

Shikamaru set the tray of kabusecha tea down on the low table, shaking his head.

When the hell did I become domestic?

He snorted at the thought, muttering about the effort it required as he moved across to drop a simple, cotton yukata on the futon for Neji to change into. He turned his head, listening out for the sound of gagging from the bathroom. He frowned at the quiet, straightening up – only to relax when he heard the gentle gush of running water and the shuffle of movement.

Well at least he's not out cold on the damn floor…

Shikamaru rubbed his nape and turned to switch on a low-voltage lamp in the corner of the semi-traditional guest room, casting an aura of gentle and unobtrusive light. Sliding back one of the shoji doors, he braced his shoulder and stared quietly out at the forest grounds surrounding the Nara clan's district.

The moonlight slanted through the trees in milky beams, pooling dappled light under the dark canopies. The evening song of cicadas was broken only by the sounds from the bathroom; thankfully nothing worrying.

Yeah, this good luck better hold out.

He'd managed to navigate Neji with no collateral damage, the worst of their troubles being the odd stumble or need to abruptly pause as the Jōnin battled nausea. All things considered, the Hyūga's mood had been relatively manageable. He'd flipped between hysterical laughter and pensive silence. A bipolar combination that had Shikamaru's temples throbbing by the time he'd deposited the long-haired ninja in the bathroom with an order to take a shower and sober up.

That had been a mission in itself. Fortunately Neji had scraped together enough coordination and spatial awareness to operate the shower and – Shikamaru hoped – had managed to get under it.

The Hyūga had spent the better half of twenty minutes on the floor laughing – his face buried in the crook of the arm he'd draped along the rim of the bathtub, his other hand clutching his ribs, doubled up with amusement.

Shikamaru had no idea what the hell had been so funny.

He'd jokingly considered taking a picture; just to mark the occasion. The fact that he'd been the one to witness something he was certain no one else ever had, created a kind of complicated, warm feeling in the pit of his stomach that he kept telling himself was the alcohol.

Troublesome…

He rubbed at his eyes, turning his head when the sound of the water ceased. Retrieving the yukata, he moved to stand outside the bathroom door, waiting with a patience he didn't know he had, arms folded and head knocked back against the door in case of disaster.

After ascertaining that Neji hadn't stumbled out of the bathtub, he rapped his knuckles on the sliding door. "Hey, I'm gonna slip you some clothes alright?"

A barely discernable grunt was his answer.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and curled his fingers into the door's indent to slide it. He hooked his arm around the partition, letting the yukata robe slip from the crook of his arm to his hand. "Here."

He heard Neji stumble and then felt the clothing jerked from his hand. He pulled his arm free as the door was unceremoniously slammed shut with a bang.

"You're welcome," he called over his shoulder as he sauntered over to the low table, crouching to pour the ungrateful bastard some tea.

Shouldn't have made this my problem…

Before he could finish the train of thought, the sound of the door sliding back drew his gaze up. Neji stood by the frame, his shoulder braced as he ruffled a towel clumsily along the impressive length of his dark, chocolate strands. He he'd secured the grey yukata well enough except for a faint slant to his left side, exposing the sharp ridge of collarbone. The garment suited him, as it would any Hyūga; only Neji made it somewhat amusing with his current lack of grace.

Impervious to Shikamaru's scrutiny, Neji swayed slightly as he attempted to fold the towel into a neat rectangle that ended up looking like a rhombus.

"Your towel isn't right…" He frowned at said towel as if it were conspiring against him.

"Should have guessed you'd still be out of it." Shikamaru smirked, shaking his head.

"Hmn?" Neji blinked a few times, his eyes adjusting to the soft light before swinging to settle on Shikamaru. The Hyūga's finely boned features were still flushed, his too-bright eyes faintly glazed, but tired.

Shikamaru's attention shifted to the fabric band Neji had drawn low over his forehead, covering the curse mark. "Did you manage to actually get under the shower? Or am I gonna go in there and wade through water?"

"No…" Neji titled his head, making his way over at an incline, which in his mind was probably straight. "You made tea."

"Yeah, it's scary how domestic I can get when I put my mind to it." Shikamaru sat down on one of the two zabuton cushions set by the low table. "Drink it or you'll dehydrate – the infusion should help with the headache."

Neji made it across the short distance without incident, moving to kneel on the zabuton before setting the towel beside him. He squinted at the tea.

"I don't have a headache."

"You will tomorrow, trust me. How are you feeling at the moment?"

Neji stared at the steaming cup for before reaching out, his fingers brushing the china twice before he gripped it. "Tired."

"Good." Shikamaru took a sip of his own tea. "Get that stuff down you and get your ass in bed."

Neji took a shallow sip and twisted slightly to glance over his shoulder at the large futon spread out. "Where am I?"

"My home."

"This…can't be your room."

Shikamaru snorted, setting his cup down. "Hey, for all you know it could be."

"It's not."

Shikamaru snickered. "It's a guest quarter. Rarely used, but ma takes pride in it. Strange woman. The Hyūga aren't the only ones with a taste for tradition, you know."

Shikamaru watched Neji's gaze trail around the room, tracing the elegant paintings of deer that flowed like a story across the fusuma panels. In a similar fashion, Shikamaru found his own eyes tracing over Neji, trailing up from the ends of the long dark hair, to the chords in the pale throat, across a shoulder, down along the seam of the yukata to…the discoloration of skin just visible beneath Neji's exposed collarbone.

What the hell?

Shikamaru frowned, his head cocking.

"I need to go home," Neji murmured, snapping Shikamaru from his stare.

"Yeah you should," Shikamaru replied immediately, trying to cover up his confusion. "But I really don't want you coming down on me like a tonne of bricks tomorrow when your uncle sees you can't walk a straight line tonight."

Neji frowned, his eyes narrowing; a far cry from the smiling, laughing creature he'd been half an hour ago. Now he just looked confused, as if the novelty of not being so controlled had worn off, leaving him not quite lucid but not completely drunk. He looked like he was lost between the two states, trying to decide what he should allow himself to be or feel.

I don't wanna be here when he decides it's pissed off.

It was time to do the vanishing act.

"Right." Shikamaru clapped his hand to the table as if to conclude the conversation they weren't having. "I'm gonna hit the shower and call it a night. I'll be just down the hall if you need anything, though I probably won't wake up unless it's urgent…like you're choking on your tongue or something – try not to do that."

Neji stared blankly before nodding. Shikamaru pushed to his feet, a quick glance affirming the room was secure. He offered a half-assed wave before making a quiet exit.

"Night," he called over his shoulder, forcing himself not to look back.

---

The sound of retching woke him.

Shikamaru's tired eyes cracked open, his brow furrowing with irritation at being pulled from sleep. He blinked to clear his vision, his gaze set on the fuzzy glare of his alarm clock.

4:00 AM

"Ugh…" reaching out a palm he gripped the offensive clock and smacked it face-down, sitting up with a groan.

With pained effort he managed not to crawl or fall out of bed and instead pushed himself to his feet. He shuffled across the room, rubbing at his eyes. It was way too early for movement of any kind and as far as he was concerned 4 AM wasn't even an hour. It just didn't exist on his watch.

This had better be good…or really bad…

He gravitated sleepily down the short hallway towards the guest quarter. Sliding open the shoji door he squinted as he glanced around the dim room, the only light being that cast from the window and the slot of illumination from the bathroom.

"Neji?" he called out, his voice hoarse from sleep. "I swear, Hyūga…you better not be choking on your tongue…"

Shikamaru dragged his steps over to where he could hear the choked heaves of the other ninja. He slid the door back enough for him to brace his shoulder against the frame - only to pause, his eyes flying wide.

Neji stood at the sink, gripping the enamel with blanched knuckles.

The sink was spattered with blood.

"Get…out…" Neji rasped, his long dark hair veiling either side of his face.

Shikamaru's gut turned to ice.

He jerked the door aside and stepped forward, jolting on the spot when the Jōnin swung around. Neji's forearm smacked his chest in an attempted shove that only caused him to fall back a single step.

"Get away from me!" The vicious snarl was punctuated by a rattling cough.

Shikamaru, for one fleeting moment, wondered whether he was dreaming. The reality came crashing back when the heel of Neji's hand smacked into his shoulder clumsily, but with enough force to jolt him back another step.

"Get out, Shikamaru!" Neji slurred, his eyes pinched with pain.

"Quit it!" Shikamaru growled, knocking aside the next shove easily.

His previous drowsiness evaporated in light of the situation, his sharp mind switching to default assessment. Neji retained a rigid grip on the sink with his left hand, his right cupping his mouth as he coughed. The grey yukata had fallen open slightly, exposing a segment of the Hyūga's leanly sculpted torso.

Shikamaru's eyes fell to the smattering of deep, purple marks dotted about Neji's chest.

Shit.

There was no mistaking the markings. He'd seen them before. They were the deep, deadly bruises of the Gentle Fist– targeting vital points across the chest.

Hospital. Now.

Shikamaru stepped forward, meeting with expected resistance. Neji made to shove him, but the Jōnin's reflexes were sluggish. Shikamaru easily thwarted the hit and gripped Neji's arms to hold him up.

"Hospital."

"No."

"Not a suggestion."

"Not…an option."

"Don't make me use my jutsu…"

Neji shook his head violently, bangs swaying as he grit his teeth. "I won't be seen like this…I swear I'll kill you…if you try…"

"Then walk me through this dammit!" Shikamaru snarled, concern causing frustration to eat into his patience. "What the hell happened?"

Fuck. I need to stop yelling. Calm down.

He ignored Neji's potent but unfocused glare and tried again, calmer this time. "Neji…"

Neji swallowed, blinking wide to try and focus. "I can't…think straight…"

"Dammit." Shikamaru twisted them around and managed to get Neji to sit on the rim of the tub. "It's because you're still drunk, idiot."

The shadow-nin slipped into a subconscious autopilot; his body somehow seemed to know what to do. He tugged Neji's hair away from the dangerously pale face, avoiding the reactive shove that completely missed.

"Stop it. This damage is from the Gentle Fist." Shikamaru crouched and gestured to Neji's chest. "Don't waste time trying to tell me its not. What happened? Did your uncle do this?"

No response came as Neji's eyelashes drooped and his body slanted, his breathing shifted to a low rattle. Shikamaru caught his shoulders before he could fall back.

"Don't you dare black out on me! Hey!" Shikamaru shook him. "Neji!"

"What…?" Neji growled sluggishly, trying to keep his head up.

"Did your uncle do this?"

"No." Neji snapped, his face twisting with anger and confusion, completely disoriented. "He would never…I would never…allow anyone to…" the rest of the sentence gave way to a groan.

"Dammit, Neji…" Shikamaru reached for a towel.

"Save it, Nara…" Neji croaked, tugging the towel Shikamaru held out to him to dab at his mouth. "Where…am I?"

Shikamaru sighed, guilt briefly piquing inside him for having ordered the damn saké in the first place.

That's not the issue here. Focus.

"I need to take you to the hospital."

"No…" Neji's fingers clenched in the towel and he pulled it away from his mouth. "I'm fine…it's stopped…I just need…a minute."

"Look, I don't know what the hell I'm dealing with here."

"Nothing…It's stopped…" Neji set the towel down, dragging in a breath before clutching the seam of the yukata, tugging it back into place. "I'm fine…"

Shikamaru sighed, his eyes flicking over the discoloured patches before Neji covered them. "Doesn't take a genius to know that coughing up blood isn't something you just sleep off, Hyūga…"

"I know…what I'm doing…"

Shikamaru inhaled sharply. "You did this to yourself?"

Neji tensed at his tone and those pale eyes, despite their lack of focus, gained a brief flash of clarity. Neji's voice dropped low. "I know what I'm doing."

Shikamaru frowned, his fingers tightening on Neji's arms. "Get up. I'm taking you to the hospital."

Neji shook his head. "No."

"You're coughing up blood!"

"It's stopped…I stopped it…leave it…"

"Ugh. You troublesome, stubborn bastard…" Shikamaru reached for his arm, slinging it over his shoulder as he managed to vine his other arm around Neji's waist. "Lean on me and breathe through your nose…deep breaths."

"Don't…patronise me…" Neji scowled.

"Shut up, Neji," Shikamaru snapped, confused and concerned. "I'm real close to being more than a little pissed off. Move it."

Carefully getting Neji to his feet, Shikamaru shuffled them through the door, approaching the futon where he tilted to allow the long-haired ninja to slide onto the mattress. Neji had no energy to complain and no coordination to challenge him, though the Jōnin caught the wrist that reached for his yukata.

Shikamaru growled and knelt beside the futon, shaking his head. "I need to see how bad it is. Stop being so damned difficult."

Neji blinked slowly, his half-mast gaze monitoring quietly for a moment. "It's stopped…"

Shikamaru scowled; but to his relief, Neji's breathing hadn't catapulted into panic or dropped into shallow drags. It rested at a quiet rattle, smoothing out steadily.

"Why?" Shikamaru's eyes shifted from Neji's chest, to the white crescents observing him. "Why the hell would you do this to yourself?"

The look of violent disgust that Neji shot him confirmed his suspicions that self-harm hadn't been the Hyūga's intention.

So just what the hell WAS he trying to do?

Neji swallowed, his voice fractured. "I misjudged…coordination…that's all…"

Shikamaru sighed and tugged his wrist free. "You're a fucking idiot, Neji."

Neji scowled weakly, obviously too tired to bite back.

Shikamaru sank back on his heels, rubbing a hand across his face. He could take an educated guess that whatever Neji had been trying to do was related to disrupting or altering something in his chakra network. Naturally, being drunk had robbed him of his flawless and innate precision.

Right now, what worried Shikamaru more than what Neji had been aiming to hit, was what he had hit instead.

Judging by the marks and blood, he's hit chakra points either corresponding to the lungs or heart.

Shikamaru's mind was already slotting the pieces together as he dropped his hand away from his face. He reached out to tug open the top of Neji's yukata, parting the fabric away from the pale and bruise-spotted chest.

Neji's eyelids fluttered open a little, the muscles in his throat tightening as he frowned.

"Just settle down," Shikamaru murmured distractedly, his dark eyes scanning Neji's chest, following the pattern of marks. "Dammit."

The chakra pathway system was way too intricate to comprehend without possessing the Byakugan. The 361 chakra points created a complicated system that only the Hyūga understood how to manipulate or incapacitate.

What I really need, is another damned Hyūga.

Shikamaru traced the path of marks with his fingertips, his focus on the internal organs, considering that was something he could understand.

Heart or lungs, it's got to be.

He pushed Neji's hand aside as it reached to brush his touch away, then leaning down he held his ear above the Jōnin's chest, listening for a rattle in breath or an irregular heartbeat. The steady throb of life reassured him a little, but there was some strain in Neji's breathing.

Okay. So it's the lungs. If he was targeting around that area, does that mean he had another panic attack? Hell, is that even the right label for something like this…?

"I stopped it…" Neji murmured drowsily.

"Congratulations," Shikamaru drawled, his breath fanning out across Neji's chest.

He straightened up to kneel again and found Neji's eyes closed and his expression less tense as he began to drift into sleep.

Shikamaru patiently reassessed the situation.

Taking Neji back to the Hyūga residence would complicate matters further. Keeping him here didn't exactly make the problem any less troublesome or safe, but at least it would save Neji some dignity, which clearly meant more to the Hyūga than his health.

As stupid as it seemed, Shikamaru owed him his damned dignity, if nothing else.

Moreover, involving anyone else in this, especially Neji's family, would not only piss Neji off, but destroy any progress Shikamaru had made with the Jōnin; it would also ruin any chance of him removing himself from further troublesome involvement with Neji. What he guessed he should have done at the start.

When did I get to be this stupid?

Shikamaru scrubbed his hand across his face again. He didn't want any part in untangling whatever knot Neji had tied himself into. He'd have better luck knotting himself a damned noose to hang from.

Which doesn't explain why I bothered in the first place…and not just once…man, its way too early to be thinking about this…

Dismissing his thoughts, he twisted from his kneel to sit beside Neji, leaning his back against the wall to take up vigil. Not for the first time, it struck him how severely the Hyūga was going to hate him for this.

This is what happens when you don't mind your own damn business…

Shikamaru rubbed his nape, sloughing out a long sigh as he battled sleep by listening to Neji's breathing. He monitored the faintly irregular rhythm, trying not to let his thoughts stray into any red zones.

Like what could have happened if Neji had done more damage…

Or what Neji's reaction to his recent mission had to say about the Hyūga's mindset…

Or what the significance of avoiding his uncle meant…

Not to mention all the other 'whys' and 'what's' lining up.

Shikamaru's gaze slanted down as Neji's breath hitched. The Hyūga tensed, his fingers tightening in the sheets. Without thinking, Shikamaru reached out to touch a hand to the Jōnin's head, kneading gently.

"Relax," he murmured.

Almost immediately, Neji's fingers straightened out, the tension falling away from him. Shikamaru hummed quietly, offering another gentle press of his hand. Then for some unexplained reason, he lowered his touch to brush his fingers across the covered seal mark on Neji's brow.

He dropped his hand away after a moment, as if realising what he was doing.

Shikamaru knew it would be another one of those things he wouldn't think about, just as he knew that this entire incident would be another thing that he and Neji wouldn't talk about. It was better that way. Provided he didn't fall asleep and wake up with Neji's hands around his throat.

Which he didn't.

It was the touch of sunlight across Shikamaru's eyelids that woke him, hours later.

Neji was already gone.

The grey yukata lay neatly folded in the space the Hyūga had occupied. The tea tray tidied and set to one side. No doubt the bathroom would be immaculate. All traces of Neji's presence had been removed.

Shikamaru closed his eyes and tipped his head back against the wall.

Outside, the twitter of birdsong carried.

He couldn't help but think that birds really didn't belong in cages…

---