It Never Works

Chapter 6

                He was wrong in his assumption that Sakura would hit him, which surprised him. When he cornered her and told her he was sorry for not saying good-bye and his avoidance of her, he had expected a knee to the groin or a punch on the nose. Instead, she merely nodded and said, “Fine, whatever,” and walked off, leaving him staring after her.

                Later, he met up with Naruto at his favorite ramen stand. Naruto nodded in acknowledgement of his presence. Sai ordered his usual and sat down. The two men sat in companionable silence for a while before the blonde could no longer hold hid curiosity at bay.

                “So,” Naruto started, around a mouthful of noodles. “How’d it go?”

                “Better than expected. She did not hit me,” Sai replied.

                “What’d she say?”

                “’Fine, whatever.’” Naruto winced. “What is wrong? Do you have something in your eye?”

                “Fine? Are you sure she said fine?” Naruto asked rubbing his neck.

                “Positive,” Sai nodded. “Why?  Is that bad?”

                “Yes and no. It means she acknowledges you’ve made an effort but you aren’t forgiven. Fine is one of those words she uses that doesn’t mean what they do when you or me say them.”

                “Dickless that makes no sense.”

                Naruto sighed.  “Look, girls talk in circles to confuse men, especially teenage girls.”

                “Why?”

                “Like I know, they just do.  I guess it’s a tactic to get stuff from guys.”

                Sai rolled his eyes. Naruto was useless when it came to this subject. Honestly, he thought, why do I even bother asking?

                “Yo,” said a deep  voice from behind them. Sai glanced and saw who it was and sighed.  Kakashi. He hadn’t spoken to him since the hospital and had been dreading seeing him.  The man perceived too much for his own good. And one of those things was what had happened between him and Sakura.

                “Kakashi, what’s up?” said Naruto.

                “Just what I was going to ask you.  Nothing personally. How about the two of you?”

                “Sai apologized to Sakura today.”

                “Oh? And what did she say?”

                “Fine, whatever.”

                “ Ah, so what are you going to do about that, Sai?”

                Sai cocked his head to the side. “Why do I need to do anything? I was ordered to apologize and I did.”

                “Ah so you don’t care if Sakura ever speaks to you again?” Kakashi asked.

                “That is not what I said,” Sai stated, furrowing his brows.

                “Yes, yes it is. You see Sakura, and most women, will not speak to you after you apologize unless you show them you are sorry for what you did.”

                Sai cocked his head to the other side. “No we haven’t done it in-“ he was cut off by Naruto’s hand over his mouth.

                “Dude,” Naruto whispered harshly, “not only are you doing it again, you’re about to tell a man who considers her a little sister. He’ll kill you.”

                Sai glanced Kakashi and conceded that the man looked rather murderous from the very little Naruto had allowed to escape his mouth and decided to heed the blonde’s advice and not finish his statement.

                “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” Kakashi said slowly. “If I had done what you have I would buy her something or doing something nice for her.”

                “Such as?”

                Kakashi shrugged, “You are on your own.  I want no part in this. Keep your secrets and your promises and maybe you won’t be in this situation again.”

                Tenten was no help. Hinata would not stop stuttering enough to spit out her answer, and Ino wouldn’t speak to him. He wanted to ask Yamato, but the man was nowhere to be found. Shizune advised him that flowers were a lovely gesture but Lady Tsunade advised against them.

                “Then what am I supposed to do? I can’t volunteer to take her shift at the hospital, I can’t very well break into her house and clean it for her,” He said, slumping into the chair across from the Hokage.

                She frowned, observing him. He looked better from the last time she had seen him, but he did not look like himself. He look ragged, like he hadn’t been sleeping. Knowing him he hadn’t.

                “Why do you want to make it up to her, Sai?”

                “We will not be able to function as a team if she will not speak to me.”

                “Is that the only reason?”

                “Should there be another?”

                Tsunade sighed. He was clueless. “Sakura has never enjoyed getting flowers, giving yes. I believe it is because she’s never been good with keeping her plants alive. However, she has a sweet tooth. Salt caramel is her favorite.” Sai nodded. It was helpful.

                “You will have to wait to give it to her though,” Tsunade sighed. “I’ve just sent her to Suna.”

                Sai’s eyes widened. “S-Suna, where the Kazekage and his siblings live?”

                “Yes,” Tsunade answered, “You should know that.”

                “Right. Well I thank you for the advice,” with that Sai left her office, leaving her with a knowing smirk on her face. Naruto was right, she thought, Sai has it bad.

 

                He went to six shops before he found the caramel and went home. He sighed and decided to try and relax. The entire time he was picturing her with him. It was giving him a migraine. He imagined that she was laughing with Kankuro about how Sai behaved before they stopped seeing each other. He imagined Kankuro touching her in the ways he had and he felt sick. He could not place where he had felt the feeling before, let alone what he was feeling.

                It lasted for days.  He couldn’t eat, he had lost his appetite thinking about all the ways she was (in his mind) allowing the painted man take her, hold her, touch her. He couldn’t stop the thoughts from flooding his mind making it impossible for him to sleep. To make matters worse, the caramel seemed to be mocking him. She would laugh at him when he gave it to her, he was sure. She’d probably throw it at him and tell him that it didn’t matter what he did, she would never be his anything ever again.  Blinking away the tiredness, Sai decided to take a shower. The heat of the water reminded him of Sakura’s touch. They had only been together three times but the memory of her touch still sent shivers down his spine. Sai shook his head. It would not do to allow lust to override the rest of his life. He was a ninja and proper ninja’s let nothing stand in their way. Part of him longed for the days of ROOT when he felt nothing and had no desire to.  

                As he was dressing, he decided he needed to get out of his apartment. Naruto and Kakashi, he knew, would probably be training. Mind made up he gathered his gear and left quickly, hoping a strenuous training session would clear his head of what Nara would call troublesome thoughts.

                He was correct and jumped right in with Naruto’s attacks on Kakashi. Immediately, all thoughts of Sakura left him and he concentrated for the first time in days. They trained the day away and Sai felt immensely better.

                “Hey,” Naruto said falling down beside Sai on the grass. “Have you seen Sakura lately.”

                “She’s in Suna,” Sai told him. Everything came rushing back. “With him.”

                “You don’t know that,” Kakashi said. “Did you ask for the details of her mission?”

                “No,” Sai answered.

                “Do you know? “Naruto asked the masked man, raising up on to his elbows.

                “Yes. The Kazekage requested her assistance on a poisoning.”

                “Isn’t Kankuro a poison expert?”

                “Yes,” Kakashi sighed, “however, he isn’t a medic.”

                “Ah,” Naruto said lying down again.

                Sai sat silently. Poison confirmed that she would be working with her ex-lover.

 

                “Sai you look like someone pissed in your ramen,” Naruto chuckled. “You’re not jealous that they’ll be working together are you?”

                “I don’t feel.”

                “Correction,” Kakashi started. “You don’t want to feel. I can’t blame you. I sometimes wish I could not feel anything either. But then I think about all the happy times I’ve had in my life and I’m grateful for the pain I endured to get those happy times. The pain of negative emotions is worth the pleasure of positive ones. You will not know until you allow yourself to forget Danzo’s  propaganda and allow yourself to have connections with others, deep ones, you will find happiness and you will find pain.”

                “Why would I want to feel pain?”

                “Pain is weakness leaving the body.”

                Kakashi’s next sentence was something about ramen so in no time Sai was alone with his thoughts. He understood what Kakashi was on about. But Sai still didn’t think to applied to him. Did he even deserve happiness after all the things he had done? No, at least not with Sakura. He had betrayed her on more than one occasion in more than one way. Sai closed his eyes, leaning against a tree. He wondered to himself if this was the tree they had been together against. It would be ironic. It was dark before he finally made his way back to his apartment. What he found when he got there was surprising to say the least.   

                Sakura was lying on his couch, again, eating her caramel.

“I hope you don’t mind,” she started. “Caramel is my favorite.”

                “No,” he said clearing his throat. “It was for you anyway.”

                “You shouldn’t have,” she said smiling lightly.

                “What are you doing here? I thought you were in Suna.”

                “I was, but my patient recovered quickly.”

                “That’s good?” Sai said, not really knowing.

                “Yeah. You know the whole time I was there, all  I could think was that I didn’t say good-bye before I left.”

                “And?”

                “And I can’t very well be made at you for not saying good-bye to me anymore, now can I?”

                “You are puzzling.”

                “How so?”

                “Naruto said that ‘fine’ doesn’t mean fine when a woman says it.”

                “It does but it doesn’t. I should have said something definitive instead of being shady. I forgive you and the caramel is delicious. Thank you.”

                “Why did you break into my apartment again?” he asked, turning from her.  

                “I wanted to see you and I wasn’t sure you would let me in.”

                “Why did you want to see me?” he crossed his arms over his chest.

                “To tell you I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to be treated the way I’ve been treating you. You thought you were doing what I wanted you to and I wasn’t clear about what I wanted when we decided not to see each other sexually anymore.”

                “You decided.”

                “What?”

                “You decided. You thought it was for the best if we stopped having relations.”

                Sakura furrowed her brows, “You want to continue to have no strings sex?”

                “No,” Sai replied. “After the way I’ve acted towards you, I’m not sure I deserve to be your friend, let alone your lover.”

                Sakura stood and crossed to where he was standing. “Sai do you have feelings for me?”

                “I can’t,” He told her. He couldn’t feel anything, he told himself.

                “Why can’t you?” Sakura asked, pulling his arms from his chest.

                “Why do you want me to?”

                “I don’t know.”  She kissed him then. It was slow, agonizingly so. Sai closed his eyes and went with it. His worries dissipated. There was just him and the woman in his arms. She felt the same as before. He allowed himself to escape himself, if even just for a little while.